IRC Quotes : Page 5

<Kyol> Heh: http://www.3dshack.com/cgi-bin/pic.cgi?iotd/happymeal.jpg
<KemloCaesar> "Does this picture really need a vulgar caption to qualify as dysfunctional?"
<Elkman> "You deserve a break today. And a lot more."
<rJak> "Like a boot in the groin."
<KemloCaesar> *insert "special sauce" joke here

* KemloCaesar will be leaving soon...
<SeanQ> should we prepare the trumpets?
<Elkman> Prepare the festive shower of Rap Musk!
* Samwise- warms the mouthpiece

<LadyJ> it hurts when I laugh, cause it makes my tits jiggle
<spinn> x loop pt it hurts when I laugh, because it makes my breasts shake
<jeeb> spinn: it wounds when I river, because it makes my chests to agitate

<Kyol> o/~ kenneth hummel can suck my wang, doo-dah, doo-dah. o/~

<Kyol> OOp, Jacqui comes in later: *** CTCP PING reply from jacquilyn: 83 seconds
<Kyol> But that's because she's in canada, where everything is normally just a little bit behind the times. "It's homey," declare local residents.
<shil> it's a canadian second
<shil> it translates to 83 american seconds

<KemloCaesar> Anyway. Due to impending civil unrest, I won't be here again until approximately Thursday.

<wabewalkr> I rarely get erections over memory management anymore.

<Kyol> Hmm. I wonder what the latin would be for I came, I saw, I coded.
<SeanQ> Vini. Vidi. Geeki.
<kaufman> veni vidi crypti

* Kyol considers updating his highschoolalumni.com entry to read "for all of you keeping score at home, I was straight. Neener!" and then quote Madonna.
<wabewalkr> Or Quentin Crisp.
<kaufman> <Kyol> 'and I am a venereal girl'

<zompist> hmm... new newsgroup: alt.support.gallbladder
<zompist> what supports the gall bladder? the liver, i think.
<ristoril> i find i have to buy fruit of the loom underwear
<ristoril> because their elastic gives me just the support i need under my gallbladder

<SeanQ> o/` Grab your pardner where she's pierced / Dod-si-do now something fierce o/`
<kaufman> o/` Swing your partner, swing her twice / Give her a /kick, don't it feel nice! o/`

<KemloCaesar> It's quite a relief to know it's not just me she hates, it's carbon-based life.

<agent_orange> I like to think of f*rpl*y helplessly drawing stacked animals everywhere ... in 7-11s, in the dust on the backs of buses, the walls of his cell...
<spinn> in snow with urine, then crazily dropping down and humping the snow

<hippie> There are few things in this world as moist and chewy as a Christian's heart.

<babich> Good, see as I'm only a few miles from West Hollywood, I dont want to see thousands of pumped up frustrated homosexuals rampaging through my nieghborhood...we allready have fires, earthquakes, mudslides, convention riots, etc..and did you like how I ducked the gay thing
<hippie> Heh... "My god... the carnage. They're cutting hair and painting the sidewalks pastel! Back to you Dave, this is Carl Montgomery for KRMR News live at the San Francisco Homosexual Riots."

<z0|||py5T> try to get a little ascii picture of an elk in there.
<z0|||py5T> \V/man maybe?
<CrazyClimber> that looks more like Crotchman.

<zompist> donuts and pussy, now there's a meal

<raven> dammit, i miss agt.
<tieboy> what the hell happened to that pansy, anyway?
<SeanQ> I hear he went legit
<tieboy> we need to be more like the mob. Every time he gets out, we pull him back in
<tieboy> actually, that sounds like to much work.
<tieboy> I amend that to: "Agt who?"

<Samwise> Don't speak his name...call him Mbutu Nubu, the Breaker of Many Rotting Papayas

<spinn> fortunately my nipples are still presented correctly

<spinn> oh, I just got an evil idea.
<rJak> You mean the one with the hamsters?
<Obi-Ron> I think so, Greg, but burlap chafes me so.

<Elkman> Oh, great. Now I have at least five GNOME panels running.
<tieboy> GNOME panels? Like, the McLaughlin group with magical woodland creatures?

<Samwise> "What could possibly smell better than a newly bathed baby?" You want the list?
<Elkman> "Sewage Treatment Plant Fantasy".
<rJak> Newly bathed Al Gore.
<rJak> "Strom Thurmoned Fantasy"

<rJak> You can never get candy cigs anymore. That sucks.
<CrazyClimber> "Don't Look 8? We Card"
<Elkman> Yeah, and you can't even find candy marijuana anywhere either.
<Elkman> Oh, wait. K-Man isn't here.

* SeanQ thoroughly enjoys his cup of cultured cow squeezings and little squiggly organisms

<jacquilyn> Ben didn't just flood the grop with the bloody cup holder story, right?
<Mr-Ben> I did, yes indeed!
<Photon> He must be competing in the 200 meter get his ass k-lined competition

<AgentOrange> throwing us into confusion is like throwing a ... a, uh... something easy to throw
<Samwise> shoe
* Raven has a hard time with the laces....
<Samwise> The squirrel goes around the tree...
<Kyol> gesundheit.

* jacquilynne returns to the corner. Wondering if having a piano above her would help her be quiet.
* Elkman sits under the accordion
* Kyol squeezes his fat ass under a tympani.
<CrazyClimber> that's one Stones song Britney can't cover: Tympani for the Kyol.
<Elkman> "I smell sax and candy..."

<spinn> I'm gonna put this page in my portfolio.
<raven> greg : Filed under "The height of butt-ugly"?
<spinn> rave: one o the job listings I saw said something like, "can thrive in a client-driven environment" or something
<spinn> which I interpreted as, "expect the clients to be idiots, and smile"
<spinn> so I wanna put that in under "look at the pain I'm willing to go through for my clients"

<CrazyClimber> damn, i'm flyin. that was good frosting.

<Kyol> ...as I said, I have more important stuff to do in this code, but damnit, I want to do something flashy, something that will get the chicks into my pants.
<SeanQ> stop trying to summon shilantra and get to work, Kyol

<TomtheFish> yeez, i leave for 4 days and I have to write a goddamn manual on how to keep this place running
<TomtheFish> "Do not, and may I stress NOT, pour beer on my terminal"
<TomtheFish> I wish I could sum it up in one sentance
<TomtheFish> "Don't Touch ANYTHING!"

<SeanQ> sacrasm, thy name is Joe!
<SeanQ> sarcasm, dammit
<Leth> hey, I haven't /ever/ rased a sac in my life
<CrazyClimber> sacrasm is when the priest is just kidding about blessing you.

<AgentOrange> "It looks like gelignite," said Piglet. "Geligwhosum?" said Pooh, squinting through the opium haze.

<AgentOrange> Writing virus detection and repair progs for Windows must be like having a dozen adopted crack babies
<AgentOrange> "Oh christ, shut up! not again!"

<spinn> well, sneaking out early would involve getting a coffee.
<CrazyClimber> "I'm gonna go grab a coffee. Be right back."
<CrazyClimber> show up tomorrow at 9.
<Leth> with coffee
<AgentOrange> "Tha's why I'm taking all my stuff. 'Cause I'm geting a coffee."

<raven> man, that looks like PJ's head on Billy's body.
<spinn> yeah, our little boy's growing up
<StanXhiao> Ben?

<ristoril> if i want BUFF to be 255 everywhere i use #DEFINE BUFF 255 right?
<CrazyClimber> i don't think any of us here define buff.

<wabewalkr> I need to sacrifice the phone again...
* bab_in_therapy starts marking the pentagram on the floor
* Elkman pictures Wabe next to the phone with a butcher knife, a stack of wood, and a lighter
<bab_in_therapy> my problem is that my sacrificial robe's cowl always gets stick on my spikey hair....well, thats druidic fashion for you.
<Samwise> They were much further behind in their hair technology than is commonly believed.

<Samwise> taut with twat
<ristoril> i'm offended by that word
<Darren> yeah, don't say "taut"

<spinn> whoo here he is
<Photon> wheeeeeee
<Photon> is suspense building?
<ristoril> i feel it
<ristoril> no wait, that's just gas

<Samwise> Hey, Bob, do you know what's better than winning the Special Olympics?
<CrazyClimber> not being a retard, if i remember from friday.
<Samwise> Oh. So, I apparently told that joke here and have forgotten.
<CrazyClimber> second best is being able to maintain short-term memory. :)

<tieboy> i spread some gospel.
<Samwise> It's good on toast.

<TMR> cb
<jeeb> THE LAB IS NOT THE CHIT-CHAT AREA, PEOPLE.
<Mr-Ben> What is this 'cb'?
<Lots42> think jerkables
<mdxi> there's a Apple slogan for you

<jeeb> all i have to do is BEAT OFF and you all cease to EXIST
<TMR> Zen And The Art Of Jerking
<TMR> Or rather, Jerking And Nothingness.
<mdxi> PHIL3041: Nihilistic Masturbation
<TMR> "All is futile. And you, in the back, flick your wrist more."

<StanXhiao> When I smoked I wasted at least 1.5 hours of the company's time each day, smoking
<Samwise> Stan: that's a lotta smoke.
<agent_orange> that includes time spent cleaning the bong

* mdxi tries to imagine nethack porn. maybe a litte 'a' running around?
<TMR> I forgot the symbol for a Succubus.
<Samwise> &
<TMR> &@
<TMR> Time stands still as you lay in her arms....

* TMR is poking around ASCII art sites
<mdxi> shit. that reminds me: need to get started setting up Evil Shadow Consiracy Corporation website
<TMR> ASCII art reminds you of that?
<TMR> You must be loads of fun to play Word Assocation with.

<Kyol> jeeb, mclechan?
<jeeb> mclechan is the new guy (GIRL)
<CCsAnkleDeepInAPShit> although if she's been in channel with both kemlo and lots, she probably doesn't deserve the "new" moniker.
<Elkman> Yeah. We can switch her to "scarred" now.

<spinn> I don't want my cats to live through the disappointment if not being able to catch this piece of string, so I might as well gas up the wood chipper now

<babich> Jac: ICBM : Inside Canada Business Machines "Think Canadia"
<TMR> Apple Canada: Think different, eh?
<babich> "Backbacon computers, how may I help you...what do you mean you cant find the zed key?"

<jacquilyn> I dunno, I'm always vaguely weirded out when random peple show up, say nothing and leave.
<jacquilyn> I mean, how do they know how to fid us and if they are scared away by what they hear in that short period of time what kind of ritual suicide would happen if they had been here during say the Good Burger thig?

<wabewalkr> Limited-Access Intranet
<wabewalkr> No, no. WAN-enabled Intranet.
<babich> wabe: String-Papercup VPN
<wabewalkr> Pseudo-Isolated Communcations Enabler.

<Leth> Elkman: Ascend(?) remote access server
<Kyol> Ascend, but I don't think they're necessarily RAS boxes, I think they're Ascend's Intelligent Switch/Router halfbreed...
<agent_orange> Damn their genetic engineering!

<Leth> so how much is your company willing to pay me to create a nationwide 3 minute outage of prodigy's entire network
<agent_orange> pony up everyone!
<Leth> it's gotta cover my legal fees, minimum
<Leth> I wanna get Johnny Cochran to come up with witty rhymes for my defense

* Elkman is having problems reproducing a bug that was reproducible yesterday.
<Samwise> Elk, it happens to all techies at some time or another.
<Samwise> Just remember it's not a reflection on your manhood.

<agent_orange> jeeb, DML is Mothafucka gonna pay for dissing the East Side Nanites! Word!
*** tieboy is now known as nanite
<nanite> We gonna go fantastic voyage on his ass, werd. or in his ass, rather
<nanite> but werd, nonetheless

<Lore> A fanfic site without slash is like a day without fictional characters fucking each other.

*** jacquilyn () has joined channel #spinnwebe
*** Signoff: wabewalkr (Leaving)
<jacquilyn> Was is something I said?
<spinn> yeah, your "*** jacquilyn () has joined channel #spinnwebe." faux pas was too much for him to bear

<wabewalkr> Oh, tie. Forgot to tell you: Placed 15th out of 48.
<zompist> this is the IF competition, right?
<tieboy> firs... you make da text advenchure... den, ju get da money... den... ju get da weemon

<KemloCaesar> Oh, a coupla years back, I heard that they found this lost Coleridge manuscript.
<KemloCaesar> Written on a huge flap of Coleridge's skin.
<Agent_Orange> the lost Coleridge manuscript: "I bottle red. Ink. Paper. Laudanum (five bottles). onion. Don't forget dry cleaning."

<spinn> so it,s "will order two"
<spinn> "it,s"?
<spinn> first time I ever made that particular typo
<TMR> You dropped your apostrophe, man.
<kaufman> spinn: get rid of that celery!

<Lore> Hmm. The power has gone out in the main office of the company where I work.
<Lore> In solidarity, I hereby declare myself no longer at work.
<Kyol> You _work_?
<Lore> Not in the literal sense of expending energy, but yes.

<Kyol> Man, this show's sense of perspective is just _weird_.
<Elkman> So you're saying the lobotomy was successful, Kyol?
<Kyol> Yeah. The knitting needles got dirty, though..
<Kyol> sooooo diiiirty..

<SeanQ> "Rainy Sundays are like having two guys hold you down on a pool table while a third rams a beer bottle up your ass... not something you look forward to."

<Elkman> Troma should come out with a film where the main character has to run a web site, but can't get shell access.

*** Signoff: jeeb (Kyol)
<Kyol> Can't whack things out if you guys are adding to his database.
<tiecoffee> try thinking about baseball

<agent_orange> oh, is it horrible, tinny, irritating songs day?
<Stan_Eat_Drink_> S-A-T-U-R...
<agent_orange> o/~ eeeeeYYYYI got a brand new pair of rollerskates / you got a brand new key... o/

<agent_orange> a typical day in #spinnwebe. half of us passed out drunk over the keyboard by 1:00...
<SeanQ> ...the other half /wishing/ they were

<Kyol> Oh, man, you guys loaded Jeeb up with some seriously funny shit.
<Kyol> analysis => n. sodomy with the cousin of Elian Gonzales

<Leth> Tennessee's the heartland? I thought it was more the Spleen
<agent_orange> It ain't the brain, that's fer sure
<Kyol> The spleen plays a very important role. It does, uhh. Spleeny things.
<kaufman> without it the pancreas would be lonely
<Leth> yeah, Alabama's more like the hostile-ly invaded rectum of the country

<TomtheFish> my challenge to meet any other candidate in a steel cage death match went unmet

<tieboy> my computer is fuct
<CrazyClimber> on the upside, its complexion will improve

<SeanQ> hiya tie... just rolling out of bed?
<tieboy> no. PacBell shut off my phone service last night
<tieboy> just got it back on
<zompist> fuckers wanted money?
<tieboy> yeah. *every* month

<jacquilyn> What the hell does tribrunchmas mean anyway?
<jacquilyn> It sounds likes a random Roman Cathlic holiday.

<Lore> We're not people.
<Lore> I am a cruller.
<zompist> lore is the crullerest spinnoff
<SeanQ> L. Fitzgerald Kennedy?

<Lore> I mean, on some level all our ideas must be innate, in the sense that they're not beamed down from Jupiter.
<Lore> Except our ideas about what Jupiter looks like close up.

<Leth> bah, he couldn't get my marshmallow man laid in New York last night...he's no help

<TomtheFish> i did figure out you can do disneyworld for free. just as long as you don't enter the parks
<TomtheFish> and you count the monorail as a high speed thrill ride
<TomtheFish> and you don't mind fighting the birds for food

<shil> ld hugs dont' work so well, do they?
<mdxi> ld: cannot open hugs: no such file or directory

<mdxi> i thought it was a total wuss-out how in ff7 and 8 status ailments just *end* when a battle is over.
<mdxi> "Oh, i'm poisoned again. oops." *kick ass* "There, I'm not poisoned anymore"
<mdxi> i can't count how many times i dies in ff6 from being poisoned and not making it back to town because i was out of antidotes
<mdxi> AND I LIKED IT!

<mdxi> trillions of tiny wankbots will sense your rising hormone levels and send electic current through your sensitive bits, satiating you instantly and preventing sex crimes
<Samwise> I could go for a wankbot
<Samwise> But then, I'd really get no exercise.

<spinn> it's step 4 in one of my massive personal projects: Hang Out With Henry Rollins
<raven> Step 5 : ????
<raven> Step 6 : Profit!
<Elkman> Step 7: Call a good attorney to defend yourself from the lawsuit.

<Dodge> So, what the hell should I get my dad? You think he wants a PS1 (the new "mini" playstation)
<Kyol> Sure. It's fuckin' cute.
<Kyol> It's like an anal plaything.

<zompist> i don't it counts as a tri-state killing spree if you simply kill people from multiple states.
<zompist> you have to travel.
<zompist> official rules of the international association for spree killing, mailbombing, and rugby.

<KemloCaesar> "they found $8000 in his buttocks."
<TMR> That's a lotta ass pennies.
<KemloCaesar> "Police have confiscated the cash, saying it was a suspicious amount to have on a person, and a strange place to keep it."
<TMR> Hm.
* TMR pulls the wallet out of his ass

<wabewalkr> Remember: if proctology is outlawed, only outlaws will be hemorrhoid-free.

<raven> Well, that was fun. Power drop.
<Mr-Ben> "Power drop"? You could just SAY you're going to take a shit, y'know.
<raven> I was going to say "as in brownout", but that wasn't an improvement.

<Kyol> Damn, that girl is taking one long ass lunch.
<TomtheFish> one ass lunchbox please

<KemloWaitingForTrickOrTreaters> I have a bag of mints, and a box of comic books.
<tieboy> trick or treaters enjoy fresh breath
<Samwise> At least you don't have fucking apples.
<Samwise> Apples given at halloween may as well have tags on them that say "throw me through the front window"

<Lore> Anyhow, I may have mentioned this before, but comedyzine.com was a veritable lighthouse in guiding the development of Brunching.
<Lore> Keeping in mind that a lighthouse means "For God's sake, don't come anywhere near here!"

<Lore> I just want you all to know that I did not find the "hot chicks with fondue forks who dig guys with shaven heads" site on my own.
<Lore> My mom sent it to me.

<jacquilyn> There was actually supposed to be something following the pronouncement of my brilliance.
<jacquilyn> But then, my telnet went down.
<Leth> woo!
<Leth> my telnet never does that for me

<StanXhiao> Sean, you should suggest a line of food-themed scents like, "Freshly Baked Apple-Cinnamon Pie," "Warm Bread," and "Warm Kielbasa Squeezings."

<jacquilyn> Of course, product support services just renamed itself so god knows what I'm gonna have to changet hat acronym to.
<jacquilyn> BIS - business integration services I think.
<jacquilyn> But who knows. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's dumb.
<SeanQ> did they go to a more appropriate name, like Tards on Parade?

<Elkman> They don't make brown Legos.
<TomtheFish> you can make them brown
<TomtheFish> i think those are called loggos

<SeanQ> think she'd be offended if i started my reply "Listen, you fundie douchebag..."

<LadyJ> the term "flied out" is legal in English
<StanXhiao> flied out?
<StanXhiao> of wher?
<Elkman> Of an airport?

<agent_orange> I've decided to quit using my fingers to type and will, from now on, simply slap cheap steaks across the keyboard.

<Agent_Orange> If rage were menstrual blood, I'd need an overnight pad every day of the week

<CrazyClimber> altavista said they'd be adding a few languages soon. thought maybe "po" suddenly had another meaning to it.
<SeanQ> CC: "po" --> Teletubbie-speak
<agent_orange> klingon, mandarin chinese, pig latin
<agent_orange> that banaa-banna-fo-fanna language

*** MtgRaven is now known as Raven
<kaufman> raven: you're free!
<raven> Yup.
<kaufman> 5 hours, 38 minutes, 41.4682 seconds
<agent_orange> that's not a meeting, that's a hostage crisis

<Samwise> Woohoo! I just got cast in Jesus Christ Superstar!
<raven> As?
<Samwise> An apostle. read: chorus.
<raven> Yay!
<raven> Not to spoil anything, but the apostles survive.

<DarthElk> Ick. One of my coworkers had something rotting in his coffee mug. He said it "looked like chunks". That explains why it's smelled like a morgue in here this afternoon.
<raven> *There's* a brand name :
<raven> "Looks Like Chunks!"
<raven> "I Can't Believe It's Not Vomit!"
<DarthElk> "Smells Like Anal Wind"

<spinn> that big block of quote hits a nice range.
<agent_orange> and I'm in it!
<spinn> I dunno, it's just balanced nicely.
<agent_orange> it has balance, good depth, excellent legs, and a distinct woody aftertaste. an outstanding bottle.

<spinn> hmmmm.
<spinn> this thing is getting my 1-900 circuits firing.
* DarthElk gets a recording: "We're sorry, all circuits in your brain are busy. Please hang up and try your call again later. MUCH later."
<jacquilyn> You're wired for 1-900?

<SeanQ> kim has sent you a virtual greeting card via WhoreMark Cards
<SeanQ> "whoremark" being a clever play on "Hallmark", I can only assume
<Elkman> "WhoreMark. When you care enough to send the very breast."

* Agent_Orange , inspired by LJ, wonders if he could ratchet *both* thumbs up his ass...

<LJ-inhell> well, i stretched my left earlobe earlier today, and the pain is almost entirely gone
<LJ-inhell> pain is transient
<Agent_Orange> but 10 gauge wire through your head is *forever*

<Lots42> I want loving.
<CCsStillEmployed> don't your dogs give you unconditional love, lots?
<Lots42> Bob, they do but it's a different kind of love.
<CCsStillEmployed> and we're all very grateful for that.
<Leth> and for the lack of photos

<SeanQ> floating ethereal dog-humping superheroes... the hallmark of any well-designed web site

<Elkman> Yeah. I went on vacation once, and when I got back half the technical staff had been sacked. I thought I had missed the rapture.

<ristoril> damn you people get on a subject and just go wild monkey fuck on it huh?

<zompist> write them on cocktail napkins, hand a stack of them to raven at the pggggtg
<raven> zomp : Good, i'll need something to use as a coaster
<zompist> you'll have acolytes for that, rave.
<zompist> "coaster boy! hand up!"
<Lore> Powerade gives me the acolytes I need to keep my game going.

<wabewalkr> The wonderful thing about incompetency is that it has such a wide spectrum.
<zompist> with really wacky absorption lines

<Elkman> Hah! My dewpoint is 3.1 degrees higher than yours!

<KemloCaesar> the guy at ~palaste rated himself 9 on intellectuality, 9 on sense of humour, 8 on skeletality, and 2 on sex appeal.
<KemloCaesar> I can't tell if he's self-aware or self-deluded.
<zompist> is 1 high or low?
<KemloCaesar> zomp - 1 is low.
<Lore> Just like in numbers.

<hockeyfag> oh god.. the amsterdam story made it into the quotes..
<spinn> what, can you imagine a universe in which it wouldn't?
<spinn> I certainly wouldn't want to exist in such a continuum, sir, not one bit.

<Agent_Orange> The voluminous Quote archives, tended by capuchin monks, bound in human flesh
<Agent_Orange> or on thee 5.25" floppies, whichever.

<Samwise> Ah...fired for laughing, that was...I hadn't intended to sound so pissy.
<SeanQ> "Hey, knock off that merriment, mister, that's grounds for dismissal!"
<SeanQ> raven: "time to laugh! ten seconds, people! one... two..."
<SeanQ> "...nine... ten. Okay, back to work! tap-tap-tap!"
<Samwise> "What's so funny?" "Oh, I have to laugh at myself when Iscrew up this bad...snnnkt..."

<Elkman> Speaking of the small quotes: I don't remember why I was saying I don't have philosophical problems with making coffee tables out of dead people.

<Lore> DML's gay?
<TMR> Gayer than Greco-Greco wrestling.
<SeanQ> Queer as a three-dollar bill
<Mr-Ben> Gay, he is.

<Lore> "Hello, and welcome to 'Jesus, Spinn, You'."
<Lore> "The show about you, and your personal realtionship with Jesus and Spinn. "
<Lore> "Today's guest is an addled old woman."
<Lore> "And a coupon for 25 cents off Gaines Burgers."

<spinn> man, I have real past/present tense problems when I write
<zompist> did you now? that had to be odd.
<spinn> mark, having bitten me

<SeanQ> oh, for those who weren't here earlier, agto has pics of his son up at http://homepage.mac.com/gregp1134/PhotoAlbum.html
<SeanQ> the boy is two weeks old and he's already got the old man beat in the hair departmetn
<kaufman> yeah, are we sure it's his?
<CrazyClimber> and does he know who the mother is?
<SeanQ> ken: i'm sure that's between agto, his wife, and the guy who supplied him with the roofies

<Samwise> frosty stuff comes to the Wendy's as a bag of liquid.
<tieboy> just like humans

* Samwise loses the pool
<CrazyClimber> it's under the tarp for the winter, sam.

<spinn> Mr. Kelley was previously head of broadcasting for SportsWorld Media, a former publication published by Jeff Rambo, where he spearheaded a dramatic increase in the publications production financings, raising over $10 thousand for a variety of Internet, broadcasting, new media and information services companies.
<spinn> so it wasn't 5 thouasnd, it was 10 thousand
<spinn> although I guess they needed Rambo to come in and dramatically increase it to 10 thousand
<spinn> before that they just had four paperclips and a six-pack of vinegar, I guess
<Elkman> Kemlo's friend Paul worked at iSourceline.com?

<jacquilyn> And while I can do without lvoe and hope, I really wanted lemondae
<Leth> lemonda, lemondae, lemondarum
<babich> I came, I saw, I was really sour?

* jeeb cracks Orange a tall cold bottle of NyQuil
<Agent_Orange> ahhhh
<Agent_Orange> [burp]
<Agent_Orange> where's that heavy machinery?
<Samwise> [coma]

<Agent_Orange> all the flowers is opening and the lightning bugs is back
<Agent_Orange> soon the four inch flying roaches will return, covered with travel stickers and full of new tales of adventure

<Kyol> (grumble) incompetentbuggers...
<TomFish> send them to some buggery competence classes
<Leth> Chapter I: Tab A, Slot B
<TomFish> that concludes our course

<tieboy> So, at the GTG, will people be throwing each other out of the room in the same spirit as kicking
<hockeyfag> can I kill people there?
<Elkman> Yeah, but who's going to have ops?

<Leth> hm...what to decorate the new office with...
<shil> lewd pics?
<Leth> heads of the unbelievers skewered on pikes, of course...but where to go after that
<Leth> well, I got that with the OfficeCam running, shil
<Leth> well, not lewd, but potentially disturbing and obscene

<mdxi> from the 0033CE IKEA catalog: "The JESU is a clean, simple crucifix made of deep-grained Finnish spruce. Spikes on both sides for high efficiency. Available in Natural, Walnut, Black or Chrome"
<KemloCaesar> how efficient does a crucifix have to be?
<kaufman> THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED HAD THEY USED GOLDBERG NAILS.

<KemloCaesar> did I apologise for being all snarky the other week?
<spinn> how could you tell?
<tieboy> define "snarky" plz
<spinn> tie, I think snarky means "overly nitpicky"
<SeanQ> i thought it meant "my usual self but moreso"

<KemloCaesar> I was looking at a dictionary of quotes the other day.
<agent_orange> well, good for you
<agent_orange> run along now

<agent_orange> I see a thousand eminems on the LSU campus every day
<babich> agt: Sounds like a problem for a church tower and a high powered rifle.

<tieboy> i rarely punch women full-on in the mouth, but when I do, I prefer they be Joey Lauren Adams

<raven> I love the web. Seems my UPS package has been delivered. Yay!
<Kyol> You just _think_ that.
<Kyol> IN actuality some brownshirt is using it as a stepping stool for something way up in the back of the truck.
<Samwise> You'd like to *think* that, *wouldn't* you!
<Kyol> UPS needs an IM function. "Your package has been ignored for the past 10 minutes. HAND!"

<agent_orange> sex offenses and child molestation are the last refuges for the aryan supermen
<agent_orange> now that the spics have all the good jobs

<Gayo> I got broed.
<tieboy> a black man adpoted you?

<Lots42> TMR! I have your calendar!
<TMR> Lots! Give it back before I kick you in the nuts so hard your grandchildren will be born with headaches!
* Lots42 flings calendar wildly into the air and runs away screaming
<TMR> Thaaank you.

<Agent_Orange> yeeeipe! the famewolf cam is up!
<Agent_Orange> oh, no it isn't
<Elkman> Agt: Does he have any new poems up?
<Agent_Orange> elk: no, but if tyou click the cam link, you can see a new, clean shaven, perhaps even fatter rudi
<Agent_Orange> he appears to have begun to feel the icy finger of real life slowly sliding up the rudirectum

<spinn> I might be getting me a camera soon. I need one that's quicker between shoot times
<spinn> this one's at least a year and a half old I think
<Kyol> ...positively ancient.
<Kyol> Did you make it out of an oatmeal box and a CCD?
<Kyol> (and a small piece of tinfoil, too)

<Lore> I didn't know Hawking was a Brit.
<CrazyClimber> really?
<CrazyClimber> accent's a dead giveaway

<Elkman> For most of us, going insane would be a major expedition. For Lots42, it's like a trip to the corner store.

<jacquilyn> Ich. I just had a brief flashing mental image of Gilbert goddfried and Madonna's child.
<jacquilyn> It was singing Papa Don't Preach in Gilbert's voice.
<TMR> She'd be the most annoying slut EVER.
<SeanQ> "Papa DON'T PREACH because you know I think I might just be in a little TROUBLE DEEP but then again maybe this is a good thing I don't know..."

<Samwise> 1 sleepy programmer + 1 client's specifications on the delimitation of a lab report log + 1 8meg lab report * 15% compliant with said client's specifications = Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

<Leth> good thing they laid all those folks off, so they could afford to keep a corporate box
<daria> well you pay for those in advance, leth
<Leth> don't go raining on my irony parade, daria
<KemloCaesar> it'll get all rusty

<zompist> i wonder if pointcast ceo chris hassett is now arrogantly on the lam from his creditors
<agent_orange> probably snorting and mocking the grease-trap cleaning procedures of LaWanda and Jamaal

<agent_orange> jeez, who pissed in his matzo?
<Darren> is that a common turn of phrase?
<CrazyClimber> i say it four, five times a day
<CrazyClimber> used to say it more when i waited tables
<CrazyClimber> and the verb tense was different, more like "who's gonna"

<jacquilyn> What were you doing up at that ungoldy hour?
<mdxi> talking
<mdxi> masturb...CODING!
<jacquilyn> all at the same time?
<mdxi> no, no masturbation, only coding. coding and fear. coding, fear, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope.

* jacquilyn tries to peel the stupid microsoft label off her thinkpad.
<mdxi> i put those on my toilet
<jacquilyn> Microsoft shoudl go into the adhesive business, this stuff is amazing.
<jacquilyn> The intel sticker came right off, but even once you get the MS sticker off, it leves gobs of adhesive behind in a trail of slime reminiscent of the one that follows Bill around.
<Leth> YOU MAY ONLY PLACE THESE STICKERS ON MICROSOFT APPROVED AND SUPPORTED SURFACES. FAILURE TO FOLLOW THESE REQUIREMENTS WILL INVALIDATE YOUR LICENSE, AND WILL RESULT IN JACKBOOTED THUGS TO VISIT YOUR SITE TO REMOVE THE STICKER AND BEAT YOU TO WITHIN INCHES OF DEATH

<agent_orange> I hate freehand I hate freehand I hate freehand I hate freehand ...
* CrazyClimber passes agt the velvet vulva
<agent_orange> ahhhh...
<agent_orange> soothing
<agent_orange> If those clowns at macromedia had velvet vulvae, they would never have tried to keep the corpse of an aldus product breathing

<Lots42> Of course, when I sneeze wrong AOL shuts down tighter then a man listening to the Bobbit case
<CrazyClimber> what's the wrong way to sneeze?
<Leth> through your ass
<CrazyClimber> no, i've been fairly successful in that pursuit, actually.

<agent_orange> I had me some baswhatsis brown-rice nut-fuck broccoli shitserrole last night, and I've been experiencing some right painful gas ever since.
<agent_orange> How to those californians do it? I mean, I don't got three-four hours per day to carve out for farting.

* SeanQ needs more coffee more more more coffee coffee bwaaahahahAHAHA!!!!
<SeanQ> .. or maybe I should switch to decaf
<agent_orange> IIII TTTHHHIIINJNNKKK III CCCOOOUULLDD UUSSEE AA FFEEWW MMOORREE CCUUPPSS
<agent_orange> I"m Not QUITE in THE ZONE yet
<agent_orange> bzzzzzzzzzzz

<agent_orange> and not for the miquetoast
<agent_orange> +l
<agent_orange> I'm not going totry and spell it again
<zompist> close-- milquetoast
<agent_orange> yeah, but if I had gone back to place the "l", I would have made the T a Y and then the O would have been unsupported and the whole shithouse would have gone up in flames

* agent_orange also lives in a floodplain and pays flood insurance out the ass
* Leth would hate to be Agt's insurance agent
<SeanQ> *** Agent_Orange is now known as Noah
<Leth> "What's that smell? Oh jeez....it's Peters' premium payment again"

<SeanQ> anyone remember commercials for "Unruly" a couple of winters ago?
<StanXhiao> Did you guys do the "Difficult" campaign?
<Raven> "Runs With Scissors"
<agent_orange> Discipline Problem: a new fragrance for men

<Samwise> Elk: 5 colors of kryptonite, remember.
<Leth> lessee...green, white, red, gold.... which am I missing?
<Samwise> blue.
<Leth> ah, right
<CrazyClimber> there was jewel kryptonite too.
<Leth> wasn't she nominated for a Grammy?

* BirthdayQ is back
<agent_orange> and badder than ever!
* Samwise quickly cleans the crumbled remnants of cake...What cake/
<BirthdayQ> there was cake?
<agent_orange> e-cake
<tieboy> @cake

<LJ-atwork> I'm subscribed to a mailing list of people who live near me
<LJ-atwork> friends of friends
<LJ-atwork> they're sicker than I could ever be
<Agent_Orange> don't sell yourself short

<TomFish> what's the formula for ERA?
<CrzyClmbr> the detergent?
<TomFish> yes, I need clean clothes. The baseball stat
* Da_Raven watches Tom whip up a batch of homemade detergent....

<kaufman> knock knock
<Samwise> Who's there?
*** CrazyClimber (~bsoron@7.extranet.enterconnect.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<spinn> bob soron.
<spinn> bob soron who?
<spinn> bob soron the butt from falling down laughing

* LJ-atwork sticks her fingers in her ears
<LJ-atwork> "la la la la la I can't hear you"
<SeanQ> c'mon, J, I know you can hear us, you'd need three hands to plug all the holes in your head

<jacquilyn> The only group that isn't connected that I read is Rec.Crafts.Textiles.Yarn and I'm pretty sure one of the popel who posts there lurks on RMCW.
* CrazyClimber 's font makes "yarn" look like "yam."
<SeanQ> there's a terrible flame war between them and alt.fan.sweet.potato

<Raven> Yeah, you could weave a whole new cat weekly out of PsychoKitten's brushings.
<spinn> whole site
<Raven> Nah, Nicki's not much of a web designer.
<wabewalkr> Most of the geocities sites look like they were designed by allowing cats to walk over keyboards.

<maime> think onion rings are a nutritious lunch?
<SeanQ> one vegetable serving off the food pyramid, maime
<maime> and bread
<maime> and ranch dressing.
<SeanQ> and three servings of molten lard

<Kyol> MMm, lemon bard on the food truck.
<Kyol> bars.
<Raven> * Kyol picks mandolin strings out of his teeth.
<SeanQ> "Alack I am yellow, and filled with bitter juices."
<SeanQ> "Pucker thine lips and perpare for mine arrival."

<mdxi> alluvial alluvial aLOOOOvial aLOOOOOOOOOOvial
<mdxi> that's a fun word
<mdxi> not as much fun as "teat" though
<Samwise> "teat" as enhanced by proximity to the word "monkey".
<mdxi> way more fun than "macroeconomics"

<CrazyClimber> geez, i honked out that large a dirtsnake and missed that little?
<Samwise> We stalled... sensed a disturbance in the force...
<tieboy> like a thousand plumbers crying out...
<Samwise> as if one voice cried out in strained effort, then was suddenly silenced

* mdxi turns on the big floating neon sign over Kemlo which reads "Whipping Boy"
<KemloCaes> Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
<LJ-atwork> Kemlo: that's because we're trying very hard to convey to you that NO ONE HERE LIKES YOU
<LJ-atwork> and your continued presence despite the clarity of that message only serves to make us not respect you further
<mdxi> i was really just playing off what he said, planning to lead into a joke about the sign being DMLs. but i think maybe the moment has passed.

* kaufman takes out his detonator
<kaufman> 5
<kaufman> chunnel, here we come!
<kaufman> 4
<kaufman> 3
<kaufman> oooh, shiny.

<Elkman> Did I miss anything else? Did Mr-Ben get hitched?
<Samwise> Bhahhahahhah funny you should ask that...
<Samwise> ...cause he didn't.
<LadyJ> to four wagons headed in compass point directions?

<spinn> whooo I amuse me
<spinn> I'm gonna have to go through the quotes and grep out just the ones that involve me
<spinn> then download them to my ppilot and masturbate to them on public transportation

<DMLaenker> Oh, god... *OHHH, GOD...*
<DMLaenker> I have to listen to my mother bitch about my joblessness.
<Leth> and that induces orgasms?
<tieboy> well, i'm aroused

<spinn> some days thel's more hot than others
<spinn> wonder whose hormones are responsible
<spinn> probably jeff's. I imagine all bil's testosterone dried up and blew away some time ago
<spinn> like he wakes up and there's a fine powder around him on the bed
<spinn> "...damn."

<CrazyClimber> come to think of it, we haven't heard from sean since his meeting with agt
<kaufman> from either of them, have we?
<jacquilyn> You think they killed each other?
<CrazyClimber> #spinnwebe celebrity deathmatch! and we missed it!
<kaufman> when any two come into close proximity ...

<CrzyClmbr> this is probably my most productive day this week, unfortunately.
<SeanQ> doesn't sound like that's saying much, Bob
<CrzyClmbr> it isn't at all, sean.
<zompist> they pay you by the masturbation euphemism?
<CrzyClmbr> i'd be ashamed of myself if i had any morals.

<jacquilyn> I feel for you, Kyol, I really do. After our last team dissection of where our project went wrong, I was put in charge of the team that had to fix communication issues.
<jacquilyn> Our primary 'communication issue' is that the project team hates the business people and the IT team hates everybody.
<jacquilyn> Our only real line of communication lies in the fact that one of the analysts is sleeping with one of the programmers. IF it wasn't for pillow talk, nothing would ever get done.

* Sim is going to ./configure and 'make' some pancakes
<Leth> don't forget to make install the syrup add-on
<Samwise> And the butter pat ch.
<mdxi> i thought "make_modules; make_modules install" covered those on pancakes since the 3.2 (Aunt Jemima) release.

<agt_orang> landover baptist still makes my jaw drop... "Home for slutty girls to hold baby auction"
<agt_orang> they make great gifts! mixed race half-price
<Samwise> Answer our bonus question to Double Your Orphans!

<agtorange> goddamn KEYBOARD
<tieboy> don't you mean "gdamnd kybard"
<agtorange> this thing is like one of those old underwood typewriters--you have to POUND it
<tieboy> good line for Sam.. "Can I pound you like an old underwood?"

<zompist> someone just paged "amy pickle" on the intercom. that names sounds like the heroine of a teen comic novel.
<agtorang> The Amy Pickle Series--like Harry Potter, but with more masturbation
<KemloCaes> Amy *AND* the Pickle.

<Samwise> OK, if that's really you, then pick your nose.
<tieboy> camera not working
<shil> camrera *is* working
<agtorang> camera working. tieboy using lynx browser?
<Samwise> nose *is* unpicked

<Samwise> Wow...you can see the angel on her shoulder...
<Samwise> ...as it plummets in flames to the earth...
<Leth> I don't want to alarm you shil, but you have a glowing radioactive lump growing out of your shoulder

<Lore> Oh, Agent, if only you'd let Jesus render his love using your heart as the processor.
<Lore> Then you could download an enternity in Paradise.
<agent_orange> Jesus can render my little pink rosebud as long as he brings the beer

<spinn> maybe I could find her now and call her up and tell her I have the journey game on macmame
<Lore> And then her heart would pound with an emotion like she's never felt before.
<spinn> yeah, mindless fear at being stalked, I suppose

<CrzyClmbr> there's plenty of Web-based man sites, so i'll use one of them if i have to.
* hockeyfag likes web-based man sites ;)
<agt_orang> chmod, not _choad_. typing is important.

<agt_orang> http://www.privatesites.com/reasonwhy.cgi?IC2135
<agt_orang> internet marketing warriors
<agt_orang> Why Should Someone Be a Member of the Warriors Secret Site?
<agt_orang> The #1 Reason: People have actually made money as a Warrior member when they never made money before with anything else.
<agt_orang> "Are you too fuckin' stupid to have a job, but not to have a credit card?"

<agt_orang> "the dog made a big kemlo on the couch"
<TheEnigma> "Hey, is that dog doing what I think it's doing?"
<TheEnigma> "Yeah, it's kemloing the pastor's leg."
<Samwise> Damn, that's a big fucking kemlo!
<Leth> Damn, that's a big kemloing fuck!

<TheEnigma> I guess he just wants to fit in
<TheEnigma> But it's more than trial by fire
<TheEnigma> It's like "trial by violent anal penetration with a baseball bat."

<Kyol> We have a groove? Why wasn't I notified?
<TheEnigma> It's more like a ditch
<TheEnigma> Maybe a shallow rut-type thing
<Kyol> With swampy water?
<TheEnigma> Of course
<TheEnigma> And leeches

<zompist> visit a web page with a blurry disembodied head floating over a waterfall... that'll give you some inspiration.
<agt_orang> If you look down and don't see god's footprints, he's carrying you... no, wait...
<TomFish> he's off smoking a fattie
<zompist> just close your eyes and take a deep breath of god's bosom.
<Samwise> Hehehhe Smells Like Holy Spirit

<tieboy> got the spidey humping a dog pic ready yet?
<Leth> it's rendering
<tieboy> that question, asked seriously, following by that answer, also serious... i dunno. Life ain't so bad.

<rJak> Tell people that you have "Tourettes fucking cunt disease goddammit."
<CrazyClimber> heh. "I had unprotected conversation last week and caught tourette's.
<rJak> dammit.
<rJak> Never forget the dammit.
<kaufman> Tourette's Simplex B -- highly communicable

<spinn> if you're dragging a box around filenames in windows, it doesn't actually select the text unless the box covers more than 15 or so percent of the total filename
<spinn> why would they ever write such an algorithm?
<CrzyClmbr> because it isn't fair to files with short names. this way you don't just select files with long names.
<zompist> there was a whole faction that held out for 13%. they were executed, of course.

<Samwise> Y'know, I don't think pouring water through would eliminate most boogers...maybe you just have clean boogers.
<zompist> that's why you need the "shop-vac" attachment.
<Samwise> "The first few times you use the Nori-vac, you may experience partial lobotomies. In time, you will find this and every other experience wholly agreeable."

<TMR> karma splitcock
<cecilweed> splitcock has neutral karma
<Samwise> Oh, that's reassuring.

<TomFish> Leth: hero
<TomFish> Leth, put that big red "L" on your chest and go rescue some kittens from trees
<Leth^> good idea, I missed lunch

<Raven> Oooooh, what fruit flavor is it?
<zompist> blueberry.
<zompist> well, they call it that... if i saw a blueberry that color i'd figure it was from three mile island.

<tieboy> thanks, climbing crazy type person lady ohhhhhh
<tieboy> that was my Jerry Lewis
<zompist> you have your own, tie?
<zompist> more than one jerry lewis is at least two too many.
<CrzyClmbr> Tieboy is one degree from French worship.

<SeanQ> there's a stat I bet I lead the cnahhem in - nick changes
<SeanQ> er, channel
<SeanQ> damn, that was a typo
<CrazyClimber> sean, you know the cnahhem is the Name That Must Not Be Spoken
<SeanQ> yah, CC, i almost started a jihad with that one

<Lore> If they so damn smart, why don't they fix themselves?
<Lore> "they're"
<tieflee> it's okay, you can speak hood in here
<CrazyClimber> no grammatical beatdowns, but you may get a syntactical driveby.

<Leth> hm...trying to debug an annoying server and listening to angry Celtic music doesn't really make a good combination
<Leth> at least stress-wise
<spinn> don't you hte when you're trying to fix something like that, and you're focused, and you don't realize until after a couple minutes that there's some outside noise or distraction that's been steadily pissing you off more and more
* CrazyClimber puts his harmonica away

* zompist remembers his college days... there's something kind of hot about +wanting to make out and having nowhere to do it.
<teyeboy> You kissed more than one girl? You tramp.
<Raven> Yep, when you think of Mark, you think "hussy".
<zompist> of course, i can't hold a candle to some people.
<teyeboy> they complain about the wax burns?

<CrzyClmbr> will you guys make up your minds? these join and part messages are ruining my scroll buffer.
<Leth^> as well as the carpet
* Leth^ tacks down another patch on the net-hole

*** CrazyClimber (~bsoron@63.96.10.9) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<StanXhiao> What the fuck is a bsoron? New flavor of subatomic particle?
<CrazyClimber> with both strangeness and charm, stan

<CrazyClimber> oddly enough, just a few minutes ago on ask jeeves, someone asked "who are famous pyromaniacs?"
<Lore> God, for one.
<tieboy> Mrs. O'Leary's cow
<CrazyClimber> well, i'm an atheist.
<CrazyClimber> i don't believe in cows.

<rJak> Okay, I'm gonna have a long talk with my matronly unit about not picking up the fucking phone while I'm on here..
<SeanQ> "Moooooom, i'm on the compuuuuuuuuuter."
<SeanQ> "QVC will still be there in an hour."
<hockeyfag> "even if it is a limited edition Elvis velvet painting"
<rJak> She's gone past that stage, thank God.

<Kyol> Heh, my magical nose caption was accepted. (chortle)
<Leth> Septum? Damn near killed 'im! heheheheheheh
<tieboy> speaking of magical noses... um... actually, I've got no magical nose-related stories

* Raven contemplates lunch.
<TomFish> for today? or for lunch throughout history?
* LJ-atwork contemplates the silent freeway
* TomFish contemplates lunch's beginings
* Elkman hands Raven a Zen hotdog and makes her one with everything.

<tieboy> ooh. someone built a "random geocities page" generator
<SeanQ> that sounds a little like playing Russian roulette with six bullets inthe chanber
<kaufman> not as bad as random bme ...
<SeanQ> ken: that would be playing Russian roulette with your penis in teh chamber

* Raven laughs so hard she almost needs a Nori to retrieve her Doritos. "mmmmmNnnngGGHHH...AH!"
<Raven> Dammit, that one was actually aloud. I'm breaking sssnnnkt.
<agt_orang> maintain radio sssnnnkt

<agt_orang> somehow, having water pouring out your nose doesn't say "executive fast-track" to me
<CrzyClmbr> unless you marry into that family, that is.
<Samwise> It's the "executive nosepick"

<LJ-atwork> i can't remember which is +s and which is +p (private)
<K-Man^> I think +p prevents the channel from showing up on channel lists, where +s does that and makes your WHOIS safe.
<Kyol> I think +p is yellow.
<Leth> but smells like asparagus

<Raven> zomp : I'm taking off tomorrow to go to the dealer.
<SeanQ> rave: cocaine or heroin?
<Raven> sean : Saturns

<spinn> hm
<jacquilyn> and spinn weights in on the issue with his usual verbosity.
<jacquilyn> or weighs or something.
* Da_Raven watches greg put bricks in the issue's pockets.
<Leth> then tosses the issue into the river

<TomtheFish> heh, that would look good on my resume: Pr0n Administrator
<Leth> 1997-2000: XYZ Assosciates - Pr0nMast3r
<TomtheFish> "Job duties: Seperating the Shaven Pictures from the Red Heads. Also distingishing Three-Ways from Orgies."
<kaufman> "Promoted from semen counter"

<mdxi> i keep trying to hack in proper calls to XV (or another viewer), but i just cannot figure out the code.
<mdxi> the whole damned thing is a pointer to a reference to a callback to a pointer to an object
<Leth^> wrapped in an enigma
<Kyol> Covered with the finest swiss chocolate.

<TomtheFish> wow
<TomtheFish> another website made by twenty-somethings who listen to bad tape for a bald girl and dress funny attacking websites made by teens who listen to marrilion mason and dress funny
<CrazyClimber> * TomtheFish is now known as Babel: By way of Portuguese...

<jacquilyn> There's this depression in the floor in the hall and sitting on top of it, to keep people from stepping on it and tripping is an upside down paper box.
<CrazyClimber> Canada has a depression?
* CrazyClimber buys an apple from Jacqui
<CrazyClimber> If you go blind, I'll buy a pencil, too.

*** Signoff: kaufman (may the foreskin be with you)
<Elkman> That'd make for an intersting lightsaber battle.
<CrazyClimber> Just another bris, but for the fate of the universe.

<StanXhiao> He used to be Lancelot in a previous life, you know.
<StanXhiao> And an Indian chief.
<StanXhiao> I asked him, Were you ever a cop or a construction worker?

<Kyol> Oh, wait, that copy is 991203.. Old. _Duh_..
<LadyJ> 90210?
<K-Man> 8675309?
<mdxi> 976-EVIL
<tieboy> 867-5309
<tieboy> sorry. 867-530 niiiii-ee-innnnne

<mdxi> <-- WILL WRITE/CODE FOR FUDE
<mdxi> <-- OR PR0N
<MisterQ> <-- WILL ADMINISTER/DEVELOP DATABASE FOR CHICKS

<spinn> agto in da house
<TMR> Is he?
<spinn> be patient, grasshopper
<kaufman> whose house?
<CrazyClimber> maybe he's in the old house?

<Lots42> Am I the only one who gets disturbed when work customers recognize me outside of work?
<ristoril> custo-what?
<Lots42> customers. You know, those idiots who give you money.
<SeanQ> rist: you probably call them 'johns'

<tieboy> does anyone play everquest? somethingawful.com had a list of ways to piss people off in that game
<tieboy> "Walk everywhere crouching. Claim you've got scurvy and try to buy vitamin C from everybody you pass."
<tieboy> "Speak in inaccurate role-playing talk. Say things like "Doest thee mind if'n ya'll round up some vittles for a wee varmint?", "Mine shield of magic thine proffers shall be donned up a bloody darby, guv'nah", and "Hail and well met! Where's the mother fucking salad bar, bitch?"

<tieboy> what's wireless ethernet stuff?
<tieboy> <--- completely computer unsavvy
<tieboy> <--- knows nothing
<tieboy> <--- considers that he can make these little arrows point at his name an accomplishment
<tieboy> ---> is completely - d'oh! fucked up the arrow!

<spinn> bob, what's the name of the metra line you take to work?
<CrazyClimber> UP-N, the one that leaves from near newark
<DanielMLaenker> UPN?
<DanielMLaenker> And you commute from Newark?
<spinn> yes, dan, he takes Voyager to New Jersey, tuesday nights at 9pm, 8 central.

*** ristoril is now known as munchmunchrist
<Lots42> Munch christ?
<raven> Yeah, he fed the masses with pretzels and Cheetos, Lots.
<Samwise> raven: after turning all that sage into weed, everyone had the munchies.

<mdxi> cheese: cow and bugs in perfect harmony
<KemloCaes> *Goat* and bugs is better.
<mdxi> "virgin chemically induced to lactate" is best of all
<mdxi> but really hard to get these days
<KemloCaes> Depends - virgin *what*.
<raven> Virgin bugs.

* raven decides to see what the ice cream flavor of the day is... BBS.
<TMR> Mmm... BBS flavored ice cream.
<Kyol> all bits and bytes-ey.
<Kyol> ...with the occasional wanker.

<StanXhiao> I had an impromptu meeting
<CrazyClimber> stan, you misspelled "run-in with the law"
<StanXhiao> well, she said she was 18

<kaufman> Gallant always carries a cuspidor with him.
<StanXhiao> Cuspidor... isn't that Jeeves' cousin?
<StanXhiao> "Cuspidor, fetch me the evening paper, and a chubby little catamite, too."

<SeanQ> get out and do something with your day... fly a kite, plant a tree...
<SeanQ> <cue inspirational music>
<Samwise> ...masturbate...
<Samwise> ...again...
<SeanQ> Be Like Jeffy

<SeanQ> do they have water-pistol fights like all of those kewl internet start-ups with all the happy people?
<raven> sean : We have nerf fights because we're bitter and need to release our pent-up frustration.
<SeanQ> raven: that's what I use sales reps for

<shil> Lots42: duh... where in florida?
<Lots42> Shil that little dongle on the west coast
<Kyol> Please, lots, we prefer the term "dingleberry".
<Kyol> Or "nutsack". Possibly panhandle.
<Lots42> I prefer the term nad bag'

* CrazyClimber is too busy playing with his desk TinkerToys, which isn't much of a euphemism
<Leth> yeah, Tracy told us
<Elkman> I suppose desk Tinkertoys are better than bathroom Lincoln Logs.

<KemloCaesar> Damn, what's the difference between "biannually" and "biennially"?
<Samwise> Biannually, twice yearly. Biennially, every 2 years.
<StanXhiao> Bianially: takes it up the ass from just about anyone

* kaufman didn't realize each canadian province has its own rating system
<kaufman> Manitoba: RESTRICTED Only adults and over may attend.
<raven> What's over an adult? "old fart"?

<spinn> I shoulda worn crappier clothes, and not had those three pounds of olestra doritos
<Samwise> Ewwww waxy orange poop
<tieboy> eww. anal leakage.
<TomFish> now they _are_ crappier clothes
<Samwise> Swallow a few wicks, you could poop candles. Then sell them on ebay.

<CrzyClmbr> i took "honk out a dirtsnake" too literally.
<Samwise> The honk or the snake was too literal?
<CrzyClmbr> the honk. the snake just went on its merry way. didn't say a word.
<Samwise> Sort of a "ppphrrrrrrrraapBLLSSBLSSLSB!" or more of an "awooOOOOOOga!"

<Leth> shhh...I'm brutally raping a customer's firewall
<Kyol> With a hot poker?
<Leth> actually, with BeOS, but same idea
<Kyol> (breathless) Where _do_ you get your wonderful toys?

<hockeyfag> blech
<Mr-Ben> No woo, hock?
<hockeyfag> no woo.. too hot to woo

<CrazyClimber> leth, why is it that you can get, like, three better jobs in the time it takes sean to hire one assistant?
<Leth> I'm just fucking amazing
<CrazyClimber> oh, so now it's you with the too much sex information

<Samwise> Somewhere, a boob jiggled.
<spinn> heheh
<spinn> all is silent except, somwhere, a single boob was jiggling
*** CrazyClimber is now known as DanQuayle
<DanQuayle> I'll stop.

<wabewalkr> Blah. Professor cancelled class today. Could've slept in.
<Raven> But now you can be here with us.
<TomFish> feel the love
<TomFish> squishy, no?

<wabewalkr> I couldn't sleep last night. Bad dreams.
<SeanQ> were you browsing bmezine again?
<wabewalkr> Nope, just strange abstract dreams.
<Leth> ah, you were browsing famewolf, then

<agt_orang> Windows 2000: Where Do You Want [segmentation fault]
<mdxi> KERNLW2K.DLL: core dump, your fault
<agt_orang> Here at microsoft, our motto is [internal stack malfunction; system terminated]
*** Signoff: mdxi (EOF of client)
<wabewalkr> Damn Microsoft, they got mdxi!

<SeanQ> one guy actually sent a cover letter that said, "don't go by my resume"
<Samwise> I can see him at a review..."Don't go by my performance"
<spinn> "please ignore my odor"
<spinn> "my performance will be in no way adversely affected by my painful rectal itch"

<tieboy> feel bad for me
<tieboy> i'm maybe buying a new computer next week anyway
<Leth> tieboy: I feel bad for ya, and for myself because I don't get to spraypaint your corpse
<Leth> that's such a great dig, hearing the little >psshpssh< as you lord over your kill
<tieboy> it's cool wasting some dude when he's busy spraypainting his kill too

<Morwen> Aw, is spinnwebe.com down now?
<mdxi> until i get the new box configured. Muahahahahaha!
<mdxi> I HOLD ALL YOUR FATES IN THE PALM OF MY HAND!
<Elkman> So that's why it's all hairy.

<Samwise> Elk: the newer dictionaries properly translate Leth to "massive erection".
<mdxi> "mdxi" is sanskrit for "guaranteed to induce orgasm"
<Samwise> "in rabid baboons"
<zompist> "accidentally"

<maime> last week we had a contest for "car free and carefree work"
<Leth> did you enter tie?
<maime> Tie doesn't work with me anymore.
<Leth> enter him anyway
<maime> No, he has to enter himself.
<CrazyClimber> we tell him that frequently.

* Elkman is thinking of an obvious question
<Samwise> Answer: no.
<zompist> or, only in a full tuxedo.
<tieboy> answer: puddin', and lots of it

* tieboy giggles
* Samwise looks at tie...are you channeling a 13-year old girl?
<tieboy> i guess you could call it channeling....
<tieboy> that's what i call it in court

<CrzyClmbr> i can't believe no one said a word about your post on becalist last night, spinn.
<CrzyClmbr> wonder what's up there.
<Leth> they're plotting spinn's "accidental" sleepwalking accident
<SeanQ> you guys are still farting around beccalist?
* CrzyClmbr hangs his head in shame.
<CrzyClmbr> yeah.

<agtorange> 11. Sensuality becomes very intense. You want to touch, to kiss, to caress, to hold, to love, to hug, to make love. In summary, you want to contact others through any means available because you are just highly sociable!
<agtorange> *any* *means* *available*
<CrzyClmbr> even IRC?
<agtorange> "EEEEK! Don't touch me!" "No! I'm highly sociable! Grrr!"
<CrzyClmbr> "I just can't stop pinging everyone! And I love it!"

* agtorange stares intently at the phrase "puddin wrangler"
<tieboy> looks great on a resume, agt
<Kyol> ...puddin' wrangler?
<agtorange> well, it's just that that's what I call my pecker, you know...

<zompist> hey, tie, non-ties.
<Kyol> zomp: Could you draw us a Venn diagram of that?
<zompist> tie: sure, but it'll be a little small: 8
<mdxi> ties --> . O <-- Non-ties

<Pyradigm> leth: I checked out the spinnoff location map, and I was wondering, what town you lived in?
<tieboy> and where do you keep the spare key to your place?
<Leth> tieboy: hidden on the left side of my colon.
<tieboy> it's always the last place you look

<troika> i made it into the quotes, i'm honored
<Lots42> It's a tingly feeling
<Samwise> Like an orgasm, only much more pathetic.
<SeanQ> and you don't need tissue

*** Leth has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to <mdxi> 98 being on there is kinda handy, actually. <----BEWARE! This is the Fifth Seal opening!
<tieboy> My dancing paperclip just popped up and chuckled ominously, then vanished
<tieboy> didn't even help me with my letter
<mdxi> out-of-context-taking fuckers

<SeanQ> you hit "TALK" for telephone, and "PEWTWR" for on-line
<Kyol> Sean: Is that a Piers Anthony joke?
<Leth> ***SeanQ is now known as PiersAnthony
<Kyol> I'm ashamed that I get the reference, frankly.
<Leth> I was young, I needed the money.

<Elkman> spinn, you there?
<troika> no, he's here
<troika> haha
* Elkman decides to stop asking simple questions and to just skip to the revenge part next time.

<Kyol> Whee, I can print again!
<CrazyClimber> kyol: soon you'll be able to handle cursive writing, and then you'll get some cans and go tagging
<Leth> but you'll never play the violin

<TheEnigma> .TheEnigma. Jesus. What a pansy.
<TheEnigma> <join> hockeyfag (stud@nic-31-c20-211.mn.mediaone.net) has JOINED #spinnwebe 7:26pm
* hockeyfag is far from a pansy
* hockeyfag hits enigma with his purse

<Elkman> Hey, look on the bright side: You don't need to have your testicles waving back and forth to get noticed on the Web.
<SeanQ> "Well, your site is clever, but look! His little testicles are bouncing!"
<Lore> I have...not seen this nut dance page.
<Samwise> You do... not want to.

*** Signoff: SeanQ (connection reset by pears, a vengeful fruit)
<wabewalkr> "Pears, pears, the vengeful fruit / The more you eat, the more you..."
<Elkman> ignite the anal wind?
<wabewalkr> <davebarry>"Ignite the Anal Wind" would be a good title for an inspirational novel.</davebarry>

* mdxi cries..."I showed karen the can of Rap Musk SeanQ sent me and she SPRAYED it on me!"
<Leth> mdxi: bathe in tomato soup
<CrzyClmbr> guess you'll have to go to a SLAMMIN' concert tonight, mdxi
<Samwise> Quick, before you want a "fohty".
<Leth> or Nighttrain

<TomtheFish> a power outage fucks all
<CrazyClimber> must be a popular outage.
<TomtheFish> it goes to all the cool party, takes all the hep drugs and gets all the hot chicks

<Raven> Who threw up Pepto Bismol on your site, tie?
<tieboy> hee hee
<tieboy> that would be ME
<spinn> coats...soothes...HRUUUEEAAHHHHHH
<TheEnigma> ...and covers web pages.

<Leth> heh...my headhunter sent me her weekly job postings to me yesterday, and some of them were for Argent. Apparently they're having a mass migration
<Raven> Much like the geese in autumn....
<TMR> There's a town in Utah? where the buzzards regularly return to. Much like Capistrano and the swallows, only with more carrion.

<mdxi> then i found a shitty realaudio version about a year later
<mdxi> then, finally, it was on STD
<Raven> They put music on syphillis?
<TMR> Yeah, and you can trade it on Clapster

<Darren> I never knew you were Ben Schumin
<tieboy> I use paragraph breaks. I think that's the main difference between us
<tieboy> that, and I've actually known the touch of a woman

<jacquilynne> I live in hope that some day in the near future I will live down the memory of the one goddamned second in during the entire weekend during which I appeared to be looking in the genearl direction of tie's crotch.

<DML> Hell, I won't go NEAR a computer. I'm afraid that tiny bats will come out and eat me alive

<daria> i mean, once you have a nick name it's almost impossible to out grow it unless you get a whole new set of friends :)
<Leth> and in this economy, that's hard to afford
<Leth> hell, I barely can pay the bills on the ones I have now

<CrazyClimber> if you'd asked me last week, i'd've said, "no, i don't think i'll ever say the sentence, 'christ, i'm getting tired of all these blimps hovering around our office.' "
<CrazyClimber> but things have changed
<jacquilyn> Why are there blimps hanging around your office? You working for like the SuperBowl people or something?>
<Gayo> He fed them the first time so they kept coming back.

<Kyol> Damnit, yahoo has been asstastic for me for the past few days.
<agent_orange> "asstastic"
<agent_orange> I likes the sound of that
<agent_orange> goes well with "craptacular"

*** shil|vet is now known as shil
<spinn> I keep reading that as "shivlet"
<spinn> the cutest little shiv you ever did see
<Leth> Awwww....isn't that the cu- URK

<Lots42> "There's a party in my mouth and someone threw up on the tonsils."

<agent_orange> I can't decide which two-word combination terrifies me more: "Applet loading" or "conference call"

<mdxi> yeah, hf's an excellent person to know. just don't mention the words "hockey", "cup", "dong", "ream", "thrust", "lick", "shaft", "poke", "skate", "tang", "rim", "job", "blow", "jock" or "banana" around him unless you want to make yourself a target
<zompist> it's best to put the list on a note on your screen. memorize it. make sure you are not even thinking of any of those words, before you type.
<zompist> "hockey? nice to poke you! i mean, ream you! i mean, meet you! i've heard so much about thrust! i mean, about you!"
* jacquilyn just discards the can of gingerale. she's sick and tired of cleaning off the damned monitor every time zomp opens his mouth.

<zompist> we were in the airport not long ago... i remember watching the bird fly around. inside.
<Sim2> oh, they have those birds at London Heathrow as well.. specially trained to keep the people that are supposed to catch those birds busy with their job and get them their salary.
<Kyol> ...are they bomb sniffing birds?
<Sim2> well, that would be too useful
<TMR> "AWWWK! Polly found a pounda C4!"

<SoiledGreen> how is everyone today?
<agent_orange> I am swollen with love for all humanity
<agent_orange> or malaria
<agent_orange> tests aren't back

<zompist> way #342 to make employee morale plummet: hold an "employee morale" meeting.

<tieboy> Do I want my cat all over me like a drunken frat boy?
<Samwise> tie: it probably means your cat will barf on you and forget your name.

<spinn> you gotta figure you could determine how much wood a woodchuck could throw, given its leveraging ability and how strong one generally is
<zompist> leveraging? i've yet to see a woodchuck that had a line of credit worth shit.
<wabewalkr> "The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers," by P.A. Paskevich and T.B. Shea. This study answers two questions: Can a woodchuck in fact chuck wood, and if so, can the chucked material be quantified? see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 4-9.

<SeanQ> jeeb the get ben laid fund?
<jeeb> Please contribute to the fund. Give 'til it no longer hurts to watch Ben talk. or Please contribute to the fund. Give 'til it no longer hurts to watch Ben no longer get hurt.

* Sim waves.
<spinn> new person?
<Sim> hold your fire, I'm a friend. :)
<spinn> oh, no, we don't attack new people for the simple fact that they're new. we give people the change to prove what idiots they are first

<spinn> please, if he's (he?) here for the first time, let's not start him off with thinking we pass around monty python refs on a regular basis
<Samwise> Ah. Sim, I'm a bit of a humor black sheep. I find everything funny; most people here are connesuirs.
<Samwise> And some of them can spell connesuir.
<spinn> yeah, all my humor must be about the outer hebredees, and must contain a prime number of vowels
* agent_orange prefers bawdy japes in elizebethan english only

<Samwise> And if not for a beard, what can you stroke while thinking?
<jacquilyn> Depends what you're thinking about.

<Samwise> C'mon, Leth, I'm running out of things to cram up your ass here.

<hockeyfag> the one cat seems to enjoy it when I throw him across the room.. I toss him, he gets up and starts purring, and heading back for me
<tieboy> kinda like boi... sniffle

<Lots42> It's threatening tor ain I wish it would just get it over with
<Lots42> It's making walking the dogs a risk because my county is the highest in lightning deaths
<agent_orange> that accounts for your ozone aura
<Leth> they should repeal the mandatory 10-foot metal pole carrying ordinance. That might help.

<agent_orange> christ, the label says "May cause discoloration of the urine or feces" and they weren't kidding!
<agent_orange> I haven't seen colors like that since woodstock
<jacquilyn> Your pantyhose are causing discoloration of your urine?
<agent_orange> they are kinda tight
<agent_orange> but it gives me that splendid ass I've always dreamed of

<agent_orange> christless cupertino fuck box
<Samwise> tm
* agent_orange thinks mean thoughts about his computer
<Elkman> Careful. It can sense fear.

<Kyol> Huh, so, are we all just ignoring Kemlo, or has he just not been around enough to lead the kick total?
<Samwise> He's been kinda dodgy.
<Kyol> Short and with an accent?

<Agent_Orange> The Goddess Shilantra stars in "Pippi Longstocking: The Betty Ford Years"

<Agent_Orange> woman about 5'1", loading groceries in her car, butt in her mouth the whole time, pulling out 50 lb bags of hound food and cases of RC cola like they were made of foam
<Agent_Orange> bitch was built like lou ferrigno
<Agent_Orange> with a little buzz-cut dirty child waiting in the beat-up escort for her, a glazed expression on this sticky face
<Agent_Orange> at least she waited to resume beating the po' little 'tarded child until she left the super 1 parking lot
<Agent_Orange> "You been smokin' mama's kools agin? (WHAP!) Pretty smat-mouthed for an 8-year old! Smoke your own! (WHAP!)"

<Lots42> I miss the vicodin
<CrazyClimber> if it misses you, it will come back.
<Lots42> Yay!
<Lots42> That's what the social workers said about my parents!

<spinn> don't recall having been sick in the summer in any recent years
<spinn> though I went to the imax and watched a 3d movie
<spinn> who knows what snotty disease-ridden kid slimed the glasses before I had them
<CrazyClimber> that'll teach you to think about the children

<agent_orange> Sentences Never Heard On Earth Before: I'm sorry I got your D&D character laid last night.

<raven> new quotes
<tieboy> whoo!
<ristoril> it's like chanukkah
<tieboy> only without all the damn jews carryin' on

<jacquilyn> Things are really smokin' over in #spinwebe
<jacquilyn> As I ferquently discover due to my inbaility to spell.
<CrazyClimber> if only your inability to spell canceled out your inability to type
<CrazyClimber> but it looks more like they add up

<Machival> brb... think my house is on fire.
<spinn> oh, yeah, I gotta go too...think I'm shitting my intestines.
<spinn> back in a bit
<CrazyClimber> small and large?

<zompist> Twig Walkingstick, the Gay Scientific Insect Mascot.

<Kyol> Hmm. Lunch.
<Kyol> ...do potato hot dog buns go bad?
<zompist> i think hot dog buns last a long time. it's the fiberglass.

<LJ-atwork> what do I want to get for dinner on my way home today?
<Leth> a 21 year old college kid

<zompist> windows 2000 has a "feature" where it will automatically remove items from your menus.
<zompist> bad, bad ui designers! no latte!
<CrazyClimber> some mac os versions have done that too.
<CrazyClimber> i don't think those were intentional though.

<Lots42> Cisco runs the napkin/straw, plate delivery business for Subway
<Lots42> I fell in love with the girl who's father ran that trucking business.
<Lots42> Yes, she was friends with me, I'm not a crazy stalker
<ristoril> just because the state board of mental health wouldn't commit you doesn't mean you're not crazy

<ristoril> naf anal panama?
* Samwise scoots from rist
<Samwise> He's anally naffing panama. Is that even legal?
<Samwise> It can't be good for the fan, whatever it is.

<Kyol> I can _still_ taste sawdust in my throat.
<SoiledGreen> well, quit blowing the sawhorse.

<Elkman> Where's Zomp when we need him?
<Samwise> Elk: spankin it.
<Elkman> He's married. He doesn't need to spank it.
<mdxi> that's how he comes up with new vocabulary..."OH yeah....oh yeah...OH YEAH...GWAELZTH!!!!!"
<mdxi> then he just makes up meanings later

<zompist> i had a press pass from our school paper
<zompist> i liked getting into places you normally couldn't go inside.
<mdxi> like Madeline Albright
<spinn> dear raven: here's a submission. the next 25 blank lines are to give you time to put down any beverage.

<Kyol> What is Microsoft's response to Apple's Think Different ad campaign?
<Leth> "Don't"

<Darren> even better, get all the guys to strip for her, then she can pick the one she likes best
<zompist> this is a new sense of 'better' i am unacquainted with
<Darren> better as in cheaper
<zompist> better as in 'soul-searingly horrendous'

<Lore> Hmm. My little guys in Black and White are all hiding in their huts until they die.
<Lore> I think I've found the Lost Tribe of Brian Wilson.

<SoiledGreen> me hungry.
<SoiledGreen> er, /
<kaufman> what's that Lassie? er,'s cracked root?

* MageTed wonders if <tmr> is an HTML element or a UNIX command
<zompist> it's andrea-ease for DREAMY!

<SoiledGreen> x loop ko the little small death makes no sense. or not.
<jeeb> SoiledGreen: It is small, it is small, it dies it will wind, it does not manufacture. Or is not.
<MageTed> wow, that came out all poetic and shit

<Agent_Orange> "A mix of basic and perl keeps my hair bright and bouncy, especially with Pascal's C++ conditioner!"

<CrazyClimber> my coworker dreamed about me a couple of nights ago.
<spinn> when I get home she's getting such a whuppin'

<spinn> stil holding out for taco bell currency
<spinn> somebody sent me mail saying "say, that's a good idea"
<spinn> unfortunately he had already moved, so the shock troops raized the 100-yard radius for nothing
<zompist> i hope they got the "precious girlie nipples" guy instead
<Lore> PRECIOUS girlie nipples? Like, made out of china and hand-painted?

<agent_orange> SG found a job?
<Elkman> He's had one.
<agent_orange> I thought he was still wearing the orange jumpsuit and picking up roadside trash
<CrazyClimber> that ain't a job to you, agt?
<CrazyClimber> of course, given your knowledge of rest stops, maybe picking up roadside trash is more of a hobby for you. ha ha ha!

<Kyol> Ok, so on the front page of today's paper, there's this headline, and I quote:
<Kyol> "Gay 'unions' bill advances in Vermont".
<Kyol> I think "Oh, they're unionizing. How.. Interesting."
<Kyol> "Queer Pride Local 104!"

<TomtheFish> jeez, young good pitchers drop like flies
<TomtheFish> weaver, parquee, thompson, wood
<raven> parquee, thompson, wood? Sounds like plans for making a deck.
<mdxiBankEtc> Thompsons Pitcher Seal: Protects against the elements, free agency and deteriorating shoulder cartilidge

<spinn> some feedback I just got
<spinn> Your page kicks ass. Please DO NOT get a life, keep doing this.
<spinn> uh. thanks...?

* DarthElk slaps MapQuest with a large codfish for having WAY TOO MANY ads on their new site now.
* raven runs with images off.
<raven> That should be my indian name : Runs With Images Off.
<raven> God, I hate the web at work.
<raven> says the webmaster.

<agent_orange> now, if one of you woul set up to enter "fucktard" everytime sam goes "snkkkt," we could all go home early
<jacquilyn> agto: how do you think the great fucktard war of double aught got started?
<agent_orange> archduke ferdinand, right?

<Leth> from Microsoft WinXP promo literature:
<Leth> For greater protection from e-mail virus attacks, Windows XP Professional, by default, will not allow the execution of e-mail attachments.
<Leth> IN-NO-VATION BAYBEE

<Elkman> I don't think I'd want to stick a glass bulb up my ass, either. If it breaks, I'd never be able to explain it to the emergency room folks.
<tieboy> but if you had a plausible explanation, you'd be okay with it?

<Kyol> Errm, anyone up for a serious perl question?
<spinn> no, daytimes are for light, frivolous perl questions

<spinn> lore, you're not using a database, for anything, are you?
<spinn> strike the first comma
<WonderTwin> spinn - *second* comma
<spinn> form of: a big pedantic ice twat

<Lore> I use SSI, perl cgi, and good-old fashioned HTML.
<Lore> Plus a heaping helping of hugs.

<Kyol> And number of entries in a table doesn't really seem to affect speed much - I've dummied up 100k record tables and they were still snappier than snot.
<Lore> You must inhale more dust than me, Kyol.
<spinn> kyol's snot: it's got SNAP

<Elkman> Grr. This fucking spammer from home.com sent me YET ANOTHER FUCKING PYRAMID SCHEME.
<aimee> fuck two people and those people fuck two people and so on and so on...

<wabewalkr> Guess what? No more toaster!
<spinn> fuck toaster
<agent_orange> toaster. hmmm. fuck taoster? will try.
<agent_orange> ow. hot. no fuck toaster.
<agent_orange> fuck *blender*.

* Elkman thinks of the "fuck toaster" and "fuck blender" lines and envisions a new photo spread at BMEzine
<KemloCaesar> elk - don't say "spread"
<Elkman> Spread? What's so offensive about "spread"?
<Gayo> Peanut butter killed his parents.

<agent_orange> my self-editing has gone right in the crpper since I started writing with a 13-pound howler monkey vomiting on my shoulder

<Lots42> Canadianess is like an invitation to a jeering
<canadienn> Actually, I think making fun of my Canadianess is passe, too, but the rest of you don't agree.
<canadienn> And Kemlo shouldn't be making fun of Canada, anyway, or we'll kick his pansy ass out of the country.
<canadienn> Citizenship be damned.

<Lore> I'm just saying that if there was an actual apocalpyse that was going to be presaged by apocalyptic signs, I'm sure it would have come sometime between "Dancing Mahir" and "Religious Figure Dildos."

<LJ-ingreen> I want a tadpole to come out of my sinuses

<TMR> A REAL professional drinker can pass out in his stool without falling over.
<LJ-ingreen> *in* his stool?
<LJ-ingreen> ew
<TMR> BAR STOOL.
<TMR> They can also retain their anal continence.

<jacquilyn> Toronto maintains teh same relatinship with the rest of Ontario as NYC does with the rest of New York.
<Kyol> What's that? Thanks for the water and electricity and food, now piss off?

<jacquilyn> You wear special shoes in curling.
<jacquilyn> One side is slippery and teh other side is not slippery.
<zompist> special "not as likely to fall on your ass on the ice" shoes?
<jacquilyn> Umm, one side is 'not as likely to fall on your ass on the ice' the other side is 'much more likely to fall on your ass onthe ice'
<LimePi> so, you are in a quantum superposition of ass-falling

<LJ-ingreen> Bob is the least easy to rile person here
<CrazyClimber> fuck you, J

<jacquilyn> why would I flirt with you, I already know you're obsessed with my friend. I can't compete with her.
<jacquilyn> I'm not cute and Asian.
<tieboy> I'm over her.
<jacquilyn> Oh good. She'll be relieved.
<tieboy> No, I mean I'm /right/ over her. Now.

<KyolPuff> shil: Naah, just picking on Mello Yello. (shrug) It doesn't do it for me.
<Samwise> Kyol: we should make Pissed Purple
<Samwise> "Is that grape flavored?" "Fuckoff!"

<KyolPuff> Oh good, the office whiner is in.
<Leth> borrow Sean's rifle
<SeanQ> you'll hafta reload

*** tieboy has joined channel #spinnwebe
<Elkman> Didn't hockeyfag have a colonoscopy done?
* tieboy starts drinking immediately

<Leth> thanks Jac...you're really helping
* shil thinks Leth needs a group hug
<Leth> only if Agt and Sam AREN'T wearing those sumo outfits

<LJ-inhell> I'm all itchy
<LJ-inhell> why am i all itchy?
<Leth> seven years already, LJ?

<raven> Sowing confusion wherever I go since 1989.

<spinn> my cat's starting to learn when I don't want to be nagged
<SoiledGreen> yeah, they seem to do that when you kick 'em.
<spinn> 'course this can of compressed air helps
<spinn> breaks down all sorts of communications barriers

<daria> you know it's a monday when you get to work and realize you left your laptop at home.
<daria> which is also your work machine.
<jacquilyn> Unfrotunately, Dar, it's Wednesday.
<spinn> you know it's a monday when you get to work and it's wednesday
<spinn> those are the worst

<CrazyClimber> oooh, debb won a good behavior award here
<Elkman> A good behavior award? Do you work at kindergarten.com?

<Lots42> Old England-based stories always throw me becuase of the 'burn a fag' bits
<zompist> also because "fookin yank gits" sounds like an insult, but it's actually complimentary
<zompist> or so they tell me
<kaufman> Lots: that's like when you drive into North Carolina, you see "Motorcyclists must burn headlights" signs, but I've never seen a Hell's Angels bonfire at the border.

<CCsLurkin> all your pencil are difficult to scan
<Samwise> ...and bob takes his turn on the bloody bits of flesh that used to be a horse.

<jacquilyn> I have a theory that real men neverdrink anything with more than two ingredients.
<jacquilyn> Whisky and Water, Vodka and Orange Juice, Rye and Seven.
<CCsLurkin> one of which is "glass" or "bottle"

<Lore> http://www.furnation.com/Drhoz/drh-jarjarorca1.jpg
<Lore> There are more things fucking each other in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

<Samwise> zomp: have you ever picked ticks off of yourself/another?
<jacquilyn> What kind of fucked up purity test question is that Sam.

<tieboy> arrrrgh
<spinn> what?
<tieboy> just a general arrrrgh
<spinn> ah
<spinn> sorta a arrrrghuui then

<jacquilynne> I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I'm not obligated to provide a straight line.

<TMR> Doc, if you went camping and woke up in a canoe with a sore, greasy ass, would you tell anyone?
<jacquilynne> Is that hypothetical question, tmr, or are you looking for personal advice.
<Doc_Evil> Hmmm
<Doc_Evil> Probably NOT
<TMR> Wanna go?

<SeanQ> lore: at least it wasn't a MrT/lore slash fiction
* Samwise lunges for the Brane Brillo
<Lore> Heh.
<Lore> Only if T is my bitch.
<Samwise> That's all I need, an image of Lore pitying Mr. T's fool.

<TomtheFish> can't talk, coding porn

<TMR> Stupid!
<jacquilynne> Very, very stupid.
<TomtheFish> 1 2 stupid
<TomtheFish> 3 4 dumb
<TomtheFish> 5 6 idiotic
<TomtheFish> 7 8 seat bee sate

<TMR> "Cucumber Melon Fantasy" disturbs me for some reason.
<Samwise> as well it should, TMR.
<Samwise> "Newly Violated Orifice"

<SeanQ> i should ask Jeeves wher I can find a decent web designer
<SeanQ> agent orange will tell me "Look in the Yellow Pages under Computers: Web Design: Specialty: Retards"

<spinn> I was on amazon looking to see if I could order me any whoopass

<Kyol> I'm still amused by this:
<Kyol> jeeb, seen kemlocaesar?
<jeeb> kemlocaesar was last seen on IRC 30 days, 21 hours, 37 minutes and 13 seconds ago, saying: k-line? [Sat Jan 20 14:42:28 2001]
<Kyol> It's the doe-eyed innocence before getting whacked by a caution pole.

<jacquilyn> Damn. They've lined the playoffs up so best plays worst. And second best plays second worst, etc.
<daria> jac: they always do that
<daria> it's the benefit of being first place
<jacquilyn> I thoght the benefit of being in first was not sucking.

<Samwise> Agt's shrooms just kickedin.
<agent_orange> fuck no--I've been peaking since 7:30
<Hockeyboi> ao: what decade?
<agent_orange> '67

<jacquilynne> IS J still in hell, I'm pretty sure I sent a memo to one of the underdemons yesterday asking them to have her ejected...
<MisterQ> I guess they were short on succubi. She's filling in as a temp job

* SoiledGreen rubs his bum.
<Samwise_> SG: That's offensive.
<Samwise_> The term is "homeless person".
<Samwise_> And why are you rubbing him, anyway?

<tieboy> how's things, agent? Kid all growed up yet?
<Agent_Orange> yup. he's sleeping outside now that the weather's good, and the dog's don't hardly bother him none at all
<tieboy> Did you ever have the impulse to sell him on the black market? Be honest.
<Agent_Orange> sell him? no, no no.
<Agent_Orange> lock him in a box for a few hours so I can get a fuckin' break, sure.

<mdxi> select == copy; middle-click == paste;
<mdxi> i hate programs that do not obey that convention
<zompist> i hate programs in general
<SoiledGreen> i just hate.

<Agent_Orange> I wish people would quit putting those Jesus fish on their cars. I have to piss in so many gas tanks I never get to eat lunch.
<zompist> wouldn't it take less time to just put bananas in their tailpipes?
<Agent_Orange> Zomp: But they struggle so, you know?

<SeanQ> unngghhhh... talking to this woman is like trying to debate field theory with the baggers at Food Lion

<zompist> 'not a summons' is a pretty good description
<zompist> it was also not a haiku... not an epic poem in terza rima... not a wedding invitation... lots of things.
<Agent_Orange> not a papal bull, or an encyclical either

<Agent_Orange> I love that word -- "issues"
<Agent_Orange> "has issues" sounds so much better than "is a sixteen-cylinder fucktard"

<Lore> You take everything that's bright and good and pure and ruin it.
<Lore> Good job!

<KemloCaesar> try stuff like http:///www.iluvmyboss.com and http://www.dedicatedemployee.com
<KemloCaesar> oops, extra slash.
<Lore> That's how I like my fanfic!

<Lore> That's the problem with this country. I try making a book with simulated genital textures and suddenly everyone's all "What about the chiiiiiiiildren?"

<Samwise> Oh, BTW, spinn...in AC, the yellow people are workers - neutral. The white bordered people are talents - positive. The red bald people are drones - negative. If you have a negative total, you get drone riots.
<spinn> yah, I know. was just being goofy.
<agent_orange> what about white bald people, sam?
<SeanQ> agto: it's the red bald people that are trouble... like you in August when you forget your sunblock

<StanXhiao> Anyone here ever use Gimp?
<agent_orange> if he comes around, and I have the money for his wine, yeah

<spinn> my boss is getting really nervous that our database developer is leaving
<Samwise> WHen are you dropping the bomb? 3 weeks?
<Kyol> Puhlease. Bomb is so anarcho-fascist. We say "chalupa" in these parts.
<Samwise> Dropping the chalupa is a (usually) daily ocurrence, though.
<Elkman> Oh, that's real effective. spinn drops a taco on the boss' desk and says, "Take this taco and shove it! I ain't workin' here no more!"

<agent_orange> Muthafuck, the Printer. Web Press excellence since 19 fuckin' 42

<Kyol> o/~ the dogs of war don't negotiate. The dogs of war won't capitulate.. o/~
<Elkman> But do they copulate?
<jacquilyn> I'm sure they do, or we would run out of dogs of war.

<CrazyClimber> nice segue between the old quotes and the new, rave
<raven> cc: That is weirdly seridipitous.
<CrazyClimber> rave - just because you didn't plan it doesn't mean you can't take credit for it.
<raven> Glad you liked my work, Bob.

<agent_orange> I am so tired, I am officially a *Road Hazard*
<agent_orange> I should strap two flares to my hood on te drive home

<raven> The only thing I don't like about Southwest is that is flies out of Midway.
<raven> Which has to be the most inaccessable airport I've ever seen.
<Elkman> What makes it inaccessible?
<Lore> The carnivorous eels in the moat.

<agent_orange> #spinnwebe: the hungry pit bulls of web comedy

<CrazyClimber> anyone see Crumb? His brother Max swallows an 18-foot string and poops it out three days later to purify his intestines.
<spinn> excellent movie, that.
<spinn> although I don't think he poops it out in a lump or anything. I keep wondering if like, he winds it up on a stick as it hangs out his butt
<Samwise> Like removing a worm.
<agent_orange> or pulls it out like he's starting a lawnmower

<Samwise> Oh. Well, ahem, eating blink doggies can give you teleport control, and *that* can save yer ass.

<TomtheFish> the chocolate croissants shoulda been outlawed
<SeanQ> were the chocolate croissants on a separate plate from the vanilla croissants?
<SeanQ> or forced to sit on the back of the buffet?
<TomtheFish> they bussed them in from the poorer section of orlando

<spinn> doctor who gets on a ship, and sidekick looks at the extremely simple controls
<spinn> and doc says, as technology gets more advanced, using it becomes more simple
<spinn> so, yeah, I agree with that. but it doesn't mention anything about the tech support guys behind it who grumble about the idiots
<Samwise> I concur. Very little work is "saved", a lot of it is "shuffled".
<raven> Onto me.

<jacquilynne> god knows it was a mistake to put the word happiness in an official government document.

<StanXhiao> Ka Ching?
<spinn> like the i-ching, but you can win fabulous prizes.

<tieboy> here's a blurb for the ages: A weightlifting injury suffered by former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith could force a mistrial in her lawsuit seeking half of her late 90-year-old husband's fortune, attorneys in Houston said October 24, 2000.
<tieboy> "we were gonna award you $200 million, but you just fell apart in the clean-and-jerk"
<Samwise> I wonder if hauling them hooters around counts as weightlifting.
<spinn> imagine the precedent
<spinn> "ohhh, he didn't plant the landing...looks like he'll only be getting weekend visitation rights"

<Samwise> OK, you know that little duct that leads to your eye from your sinuses?
<Lore> Sure. I call mine "Adrian."

<TomFish> I can count on my hand how many people I know who haven't slept with her
<CrzyClmbr> I haven't. Hope there's room for me on your hand.
<TomFish> that's the most pathetic pick up line I've ever seen

<KemloCaesar> I wanted to check somethAAAAAGH...
*** Leth is now known as SirGalahad
<SirGalahad> perhaps he was dictating
<KemloCaesar> Sorry, injured my foot and yet somehow still had the presence of mind to type "aaaagh".

<K-Man> We're all a bunch of digressive bastards.
<spinn> that reminds me of a story, dickwad

<wabewalkr> I got spidered by 'Spinne/1.0' today, which did a HORRIBLE job of it.
<tieboy> how can you tell when you get spidered?
<Leth> webbing in your anus
<tieboy> wow. i get spidered a LOT

<mdxi> "Ops are for cattle and loveplay!"

<mdxi> had to reboot. new kernel.
<Leth> major issues?
<Leth> or just General principle?
<Leth> maybe it's a private matter
<TMR> Some things between a man and his kernel should be private.

<spinn> you know what
<spinn> I just have too damn much sperm

<Elkman> I'd like to see Sim Schumin: Run around the campus on a scooter without killing yourself, write an inane update every week or two, and appear on the Webcam constantly.

<jacquilyn> i don't know how long ago you had that conversation, but I just read it now and was terribly amused.
<CrazyClimber> #spinnwebe: Amusing jacqui since, well, she doesn't know when

<CrazyClimber> we sold zines, mostly.
<Lore> Anything I might have heard of?
<CrazyClimber> oh, i doubt it, unless you were buying zines at the monthly comicons in boston in the late '70s and early '80s.
<Lore> By an astounding coincidence, no.
<CrazyClimber> huh! I thought that wasn't you.

<Lore> "Gosh, it's 11:23 AM EST and I've finally stopped thinking about shil's underwear."
<CrazyClimber> yay! that means it's my turn!

<Lore> jeeb, babel loop it abandon all hope, ye who enter here
<jeeb> Lore: to abandon all the hope, ye that it supplies here
<Elkman> Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

<Kyol> Where's Werehamster been, anyway?
<agtorange> touring with the dance troupe?

<spinn> I actually have some ruffiani guidelines in the works
<spinn> I don't think I used the word "lamer" once

<Leth> Oh, we just had a project status meeting, and someone brought up a proposal from Onvia.com to do some work for us
<Leth> I could hardly hold the snkkkt
<Leth> especially since on Onvia's letterhead they have "Onvia. Work. Wiser."
<spinn> shoulda told him you had lumbago in your agilent onvia

<spinn> any of you geeky enough to know which way DVDs turn when they're being played?
<spinn> clockwise or counterclockwise?
<kaufman> what hemisphere?

* K-Man sprays the room with some ElkAway
* ElkAway disperses around the room
<raven> Leaving behind a weasel-fresh scent!
* ElkAway wafts into the ventilation system and into the next office

<agent_orange> "Our new innovation: we will stop jabbing fishbones into your eyes between the hours of 10:15 a.m. to 10:45 a.m."
<agent_orange> "No need to thank us."
<Elkman> I like the way they put "Microsoft Research" in quotes.
<Kyol> Well, it isn't really research..
<agent_orange> "Damage Control" stuck a wrong note with investors

<TMR> Tetris: Russian for Shit Keeps Falling.

<CCBRB> Apple generally spends years developing things it throws away with an embarrassed cough.

<kaufman> oh yeah, sean, how was your late interview?
<agtorange> Sean, did they just unload the tard van in front of your hr department or what?
<SeanQ> i think we need a new recruiting service, agt-o
<SeanQ> i have one more guy to talk to toonight, keep your collective fingers crossed for me
<agtorange> "Mr. Reynolds? The people from the Short Bus Staffing Company are here. Should I put 'em in with the others?"

<tieboy> ew! that is the creepiest sounding fire drill!
<tieboy> sounds like a cat dying
<ristoril> we have sirens
<StanXhiao> we have gonad electrodes
<CrazyClimber> we apparently have building management who pays off the city so we don't have to have fire drills.

<SeanQ> i'm gonna move any critical mail to a new folder and try to recreate a n ew, uncorrupt inbox
<Lore> You crazy dreamer, you.
<zompist> it's a crazy plan, but it just might work!
<Leth> BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN? ISN'T ANYONE THINKING OF THEM????
<zompist> er--- it wasn't my turn to think about the children

<babich> If Im ever getting prepped for surgery and I hear "gravy boat...stat" Im not gonna bother waking up

* zompist doesn't understand news articles about .com being "full."
<Lore> It had an extra slice of pie.

<Leth> you have the right to disagree, but then I have the right to call you a goof

<agent_orange> This building is infested with dumbasses.
<agent_orange> I spray and spray to no avail
<agent_orange> I think diazanon in the water cooler...
<Leth> use something slow-acting, so that they take it to the queen

<CrzyClmbr> we get the starbucks industrial blend, which tastes like nuts and bolts.
<CrzyClmbr> but they're starbucks bolts, so they're expensive and burnt.

<StanXhiao> ahh
<StanXhiao> Had to let out the pants
<rJak> You got pants now?
<StanXhiao> Yeah, they finally gave me permission to wear them
<rJak> You're lucky. I still got kilts.

<hippie> "Daniel Musson, 18, pleaded guilty to a felony charge of first-degree tampering with a consumer product..."
<zompist> what's second-degree tampering with a consumer products?
<zompist> and when does it get reduced to consumer-product-slaughter?

<SeanQ> "We're sorry, please update your browser before attempting to sownload this browser update"
<CrazyClimber> tip for today, Sean: Don't ever go on Wheel of Fortune.
<CrazyClimber> "I'd like to take a guess, Pat: 'A Christmas Varol' "
<SeanQ> "A twitch in mine saves tine!"
<zompist> i always liked "gof test ye merry hentlemen"

<Lore> Zomp! Just the shatter I was looking for!
<zompist> er.... the what?
<Lore> Shatter. I typed it, and I'm sticking by it.
<raven> shatter (n.) : He who dropped a chalupa.

* zompist is more a halloween than an easter candy person.
<Lore> Zomp likes to beg for it.

<spinn> I'm back
<spinn> even though you didn't know I was gone, ya bastids
<Leth> oh we knew
<Leth> "I felt a disturbance in the server"

<SeanQ> http://www.clownpenis.com/ exists
<CrazyClimber> OK, sean, you're more bored than I am.
<hockeyfag> so is this for pictures of guys that put makeup on their dicks to make them look like little clowns?

<zompist> i think, indeed, that fouling your own possessions is the noblest response to ruffianism

<ristoril> how's the temple of nbsp coming?
<Samwise> rist: well. We got Gos Nope to do the gardening every other Thursday.

<spinn> ihnatko transferred to me a dislike of the word content
<KemloCaesar> how so?
<Lore> DNA splicing.

<SeanQ> jeeb seen spinn?
<jeeb> spinn was last seen on IRC 8 hours, 45 minutes and 51 seconds ago, saying: I knew it was on violator but I couldn't place it
<StanXhiao> is he talking about the setting on his dildo?
<StanXhiao> 1 Mild 2 Throbbing 3 Extreme Penetration 4 Violator

<Kyol> Hey, where's the velvet vulva?
<CrazyClimber> Start at the nylon navel and work your way down.
<babich> just a little past the rich, corinthian leather labia
<zompist> dunno, kyol, i think it got lost during the organdy orgy
<tieboy> luckily, i've got my denim perrenium

<spinn> newark ON campus
<spinn> it's like a roman numeral 4 with a leading 0
<spinn> it's hexaromanumeral
<spinn> 0xXVIII

<TMR> You shouldn't smoke cock.
<TMR> It's WAY too hard to light.
<Samwise> Ow ow ow ow ow

<rJak> Ben sets fires, and he votes more than you do.
<raven> thank you for that ray of sunshine, rJak.

<ristoril> "If Kitty Dukakis were raped and murdered, would you
<ristoril> be comfortable with Microsoft Excel?"
<kaufman> "If Bill Gates were raped and murdered, would you be comfortable with Kitty Dukakis?"
<Samwise> "If Bill Gates raped and murdered the Microsoft Excel programmers, would Kitty Dukakis be uncomfortable?"
<kaufman> why, did she freelance Excel?

*** NoYouDontGetAFullDayWithoutKen (kaufman@cluster.mli.gmu.edu) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<CrazyClimber> damn! and only 2.5 hours to go, too

<zompist> you aren't trying to do immoral things to our flaming hellkittins, are you, son?

<kaufman> tie -- a metric ton is 1000 kilos, or about 2209 of our pounds
<zompist> (3391 dollars)
<SeanQ> or about 160 stone to nyder
<SeanQ> and about 24,300 Canadian pounds

<spinn> also that a bunch of his links changed, so many of mine don't work for him anymore
<spinn> but fortunately, if he deleted anything I reference, I have a copy
<zompist> that must be a comfort, greg.
<spinn> a comfort that's cold, cold like an evil man's heart, but yeah

<agent_orange> my life is a cornucopia of fun
<StanXhiao> I hate it when I kick my cornucopia.
<agent_orange> it really itches when it gets impacted

<kaufman> jeeb, karma me
<jeeb> kaufman has neutral karma
<kaufman> I'm swiss

<TomtheFish> man, this just pisses me off and scares me
<spinn> heh
<spinn> "Eek, goddamnit!"

<Samwise> No, on the page listed in the topic, there's a "what we did" paragraph or 2...I'm listed as "some other person" in the description of lasertag.
<Samwise> And the official Second Geekiest spinnoff refuses to be so referenced. :)
<Samwise> Additionally, the official Second Geekiest spinnoff will now refer to himself in third person.
<TMR> He's Bob Dole?
<spinn> Bob dole thinks he's a dufus

<jacquilyn> Is H on the blue or the champagne end of the colour chart, tom?
<SeanQ> jacq: i think it starts with C as clear, and down to X which is urine-color
<jacquilyn> Different chart than I know, which ranges from A to I think H where one end is reds/blues and one end is champagnes and D is clear.
<TMR> I guess they can't CALL them "piss-yellow diamonds"

<maime> I know a few civil engineers who can't put the paper the right way in the copier to make copies...
<Samwise> maime: I'd hate to see them try to Nori.
<TMR> They'd keep their mouths closed, and drown.
<Raven> Yeah, that has poopenspiggot crisis written all over it.
<maime> first they'd have to get their heads out of their asses.

<spinn> oh, you know, I've made a decision about my site. I've decided it has actual meaning for me.
<spinn> it exists to stave off my inevitable midlife crisis.
<Samwise> Ah...I'm sure debb prefers it to a convertible & an 18-year-old.

<Samwise> I read the biggest cop-out about those...that since an irresistable force cannot coexist with an immovable object, wen they meet you get an inconceivable event.
<TMR> But a condom is cheaper, and easier to get.

<TomtheFish> i like my job
<Agent_Orange> for the last time, Tom, welfare is not a "job"

<CrazyClimber> altavista said they'd be adding a few languages soon. thought maybe "po" suddenly had another meaning to it.
<SeanQ> CC: "po" --> Teletubbie-speak
<agent_orange> klingon, mandarin chinese, pig latin
<agent_orange> that banaa-banna-fo-fanna language

<SeanQ> ooh, rebeca speaks!
<SeanQ> more shameless self-promotion, no doubt
<Raven> Yup.
<kaufman> she's swimming in it
<StanXhiao> She's soaking in it
<Raven> She's spraying it on innocent bystanders.

<Leth^> hmmmm.."Kragen Discuss has the potential to become higher-volume than the other lists, but so far, it hasn't. "
<Leth^> "When it does, I expect people will unsubscribe from it.
<Leth^> Why do people subscribe to lists, but get mad when they get postings from the list
<spinn> "what the fuck?! MAIL?! from the LIST?!"
<spinn> "dear sir, this does NOT meet my expectations. Remove me immediately!"

<jacquilyn> Hav eyou sold your soul to the devil for control of my system, tie?
<tieboy> No, but I gotta help him move
<jacquilyn> That's probably worse.
<tieboy> Yeah, you try packing and hauling billions of tortured souls. And that damn sleep sofa

<mdxi> shit. karen's porn got linked from a newton news site. people are crawling all over the sites here....it's *weird* to see.
<Agent_Orange> tiny, mewing "pr0n!" noises from every corner of the server
<Samwise> mdxi: bet that looks like an Escher print
<Agent_Orange> like fire ants, overrunning all in a mad quest for sweet, nourishing pr0n
<MisterQ> mmm.... fire ant pr0n
<Agent_Orange> "Hey, baby, my pecker can lift 20 times its own weight!"

<KemloCaesar> IIIIIII dunno. I'm just feeling somewhat... dowwwwn today.
<Raven> So you opted for the masochism route to perk you right up....
<spinn> heh. "well, I'm in a bad mood today...why don't I get on irc and say that ladyj is 'moderately cute'"
<spinn> "might help me hate my life"

<Agent_Orange> jeeb, Agent Orange snack?
* jeeb cracks Orange a tall cold bottle of NyQuil
<Agent_Orange> ahhhh
<Agent_Orange> [burp]
<Agent_Orange> where's that heavy machinery?
<Samwise> [coma]

<zompist> what are you wearing in that cartoon, nyder? spats?
<nyder> no, granny-boots.
<zompist> poor granny.
<zompist> "please, no, granddaughter, i'm-a still usin' them!"

<StanXhiao> kyol, where in fuck do you live?
<spinn> east fuck. north of goddamnit.
<nyder> I know someone who claims to live in Fucking Nowhere, Oxfordshire.
<StanXhiao> Is that near Piss-On-You-on-Stoke?
<nyder> stan: believe it or not, there really is a town called Horton-Cum-Studley in Oxfordshire.

<TomFish> No, it's Kaiju
<TomFish> you reetahd!
<TomFish> whatahya? fackin rahtahded?

<TomtheFish> who built a lego elk?
<Elkman> Uh, nobody.
<TomtheFish> why not?
<Elkman> They don't make brown Legos.
<TomtheFish> you can make them brown
<TomtheFish> i think those are called loggos

<mdxi> i thought it was a total wuss-out how in ff7 and 8 status ailments just *end* when a battle is over.
<mdxi> "Oh, i'm poisoned again. oops." *kick ass* "There, I'm not poisoned anymore"
<mdxi> i can't count how many times i dies in ff6 from being poisoned and not making it back to town because i was out of antidotes
<mdxi> AND I LIKED IT!

<shil> geez
<shil> stupid people
<mdxi> hey!
<mdxi> you should at least wait until we've *left*
<shil> I'm not talking about you, mdxi :)
<CrzyClmbr> oh, just the /rest/ of us. I see. :)
<shil> nononono

<kaufman> in the future, we will all be called Greg.

<CrzyClmbr> I'd say hi to Stan if they had a written alphabet back then
<spinn> stan: squiggle, squggle, walking man, cat, horse, squiggle
<CrzyClmbr> The Pharoah Amenhotep version of the Book of the Dead puts previous versions to shame, doesn't it?

<Nyder> some of these districts, if you brought a car in, it'd be gutted in seconds.
<Raven> Yah, I'd avoid car-gutting neighborhoods. // o/~ And the carjacker's a person in your neighborhood.... o/~ //
<Raven> o/~ They're the people that you meet / when you're fleeing down the street.... o/~
<Nyder> o/~ they're the people that you grass on to the fuzz/each daaaay o/~

<Elkman> How can I tell what DLL's are used by an executable file?
<jacquilynne> Delete all your DLLs and watch for error messages?
<jacquilynne> Oh wait. You probably wanted a method that didn't involve destroying your system.
<Elkman> Heh. Of course, I could recover them from a backup, since I do a backup every night.
<Elkman> Of course, if I delete the DLL's that are used by the backup recovery program, I'm screwed anyway.
<Kyol> Face it, you're using windows. You're already screwed.

<CrazyClimber> I once asked about how the superstition about black cats was started, and he gave me a link to BLACK TEEN ANAL PUSSY
<CrazyClimber> That was the real wording of the link, too.
<Leth> Jeeves has a real dark side that doesn't make it onto the ads with the Girl Scout, huh?
<CrazyClimber> yeah, he definitely gets around.
<tieboy> Anal pussy?
<tieboy> That anal pussy. The kitty litter has to be /just/ so

<spinn> any of you geeky enough to know which way DVDs turn when they're being played?
<spinn> clockwise or counterclockwise?
<kaufman> what hemisphere?

<kaufman> "Do not bring a boyfriend [to college] -- it is like bringing sand to the beach."
<Kyol> College doesn't need boyfriends, but Mars needs wimmen!
<kaufman> your boyfriend belongs there?
<kaufman> there are already a gazillion boyfriends there?

<Nyder> it's either lunchtime, or bad storms.
<kaufman> light rain and netsplits
<Nyder> the sky was rent by dazzling netsplits

<StanXhiao> "@Home is the best thing to happen to my computer since electricity. "
<sneak> @home is the worst thing to happen to my computer since electricity
<StanXhiao> I remember how difficult it was to use computers before they invented 'lectricity.

<SeanQ> boy did YOU missout on all the excitement, TF
<StanXhiao> man
<StanXhiao> I'm still shaking
<TomFish> gay oral sex?
<SeanQ> nope, hockers didn't stop by
<TomFish> het oral sex?
<TomFish> something to do with oral sex?

<spinn> so, the place on the corner that I did the goof story at
<spinn> one of the adjacent places is going to be yet another bank
<spinn> we have so many banks per square foot around here it's annoying
<spinn> I figure it's going to be called 4600 Block Of Lincoln Bank Number Three

<spinn> jac: you get more inebriated.
<spinn> soon the pain seems far, far away.
<agent_orange> and then you cry
<Elkman> Then you spend all of Saturday in traction.
<Samwise> and hug your friends,whom you love
<jacquilyn> Yeah, actually, I've gotta go home and pick up my camera after work. There's a lovely bottle of codeine tablets there.
<agent_orange> mmm... opiates and alcohol...

<Elkman> Am I still Ministri Acuto?
<spinn> elk, you were, but then I filled you up with enough "funny" oatmeal that you're actually locked in the dungeon, and you're holding court with rats and ants that you made little regent hats for out of scraps of tin and your soiled undergarments
<spinn> but, you think you're still ministri acuto, if that helps

<agent_orange> It's you and me, Baby, against a tough old world.
<shil> <deepsouthernaccent> Oh Rhett! </deepsouthernaccent>
<agent_orange> [flutter; wave lacy fan] "An*otha* gentleman callah? I do declayah. Show him to the drawing room with the others, will you, Mezzanine?"
<kaufman> oh Rhett, you caint say that on television!
<shil> what? mezzanine?

<CrazyClimber> how'd that interview go, sean?
<SeanQ> in a nutshell, not well
<Samwise> An unprepared homophobe who doesn't handle personal differences all that well.
<tieboy> You were interviewed by DocEvil?

<spinn> ah, newark
<spinn> how I do love thy net
<kaufman> ON

<spinn> da hell is with this "on"?
<spinn> I don't get it.
<Elkman> What don't you get about it?
<spinn> newark ON campus
<spinn> it's like a roman numeral 4 with a leading 0
<spinn> it's hexaromanumeral
<spinn> 0xXVIII

<StanXhiao> I auditioned for a DJ job at a disco once...
<StanXhiao> thank God I was rejected
<StanXhiao> I felt odd in the tight pants
<Leth^> yet warm and tingly in a whole new way, stan?

<StanXhiao> wonder if spinn got out of county yet
<zompist> man. what did he *have* on his computer?
<StanXhiao> I heard the bond was set pretty high, they never had to deal with something like that before
<SeanQ> i think he had the case log from the Vice Pope Doug murder trial cached
<CrzyClmbr> Probably had some stuff with Dolly and Billy having incestuous relations with Barfy...
<zompist> he must've filled in dfc #497 a little...

<zompist> there is no spoon!
<zompist> fortunately, there's a pile of forks in the conference room next door.
<StanXhiao> Are they taking a meeting together?
<SeanQ> it's hard to do coke with a fork, though
<zompist> from the looks of it, it's more of an orgy.
<zompist> forkication.
<agt_orang> spooning over here, forking over there

<StanXhiao> Hey! Someone's selling those FC sheets on ebay again!
<Leth> the stained ones, or the unstained?
<StanXhiao> well, they /say/ no stains
<StanXhiao> Must have washed them
<zompist> "fc sheets... dolly's head somewhat cut up with a knife... no remaining stains.

<CrzyClmbr> not that it isn't usually bursty during the day, especially toward the end of the day, but it's quieter than usual
<LJ-atwork> bursty?
<CrzyClmbr> yeah, like Alien

<nyder> you have a /food/ channel? America is spoiled!
<maimes> I don't.
<maimes> I have PBS and they always beg for money. the bastards.
<nyder> We have those, they're called betting agents' shops.

<nyder> have you tried the local comic shop?
<agtorange> Darlin, I live in South Louisiana. There is no local comic sho.
<nyder> ahhh.
<agtorange> The bookstore that opened up a few years ago caused some consternation
<agtorange> what with all the satanic jew-type materials
<nyder> that's where they have swamps and snakes and inbred vampire families, isn't it?
<agtorange> That's it, yup

<Kyol> Mmm. I like frozen burritos.
<Kyol> Aside from the fact that they're only marginally less healthy than a tub of butter, I like 'em.
<Leth^> oooh, Tina's Frozen Burritos? Color-coded for added convenience?
<agtorange> Personally, I'd rather eat stuff off the sidewalk, but the sidewalk was damnable clean today
<Kyol> (I figure I make up for it by dousing 'em with fat free sour cream. The fat and the anti-fat combine to make roughage.)
<Leth^> truly the Breakfast of Champion Engineers

<Kyol> Leth: Snot tofu - it's TVP. Yum yum, TVP.
<Kyol> (s'not. s'NOT. Apostrophe makes a difference.)
<Leth^> not really, I've often equated snot with tofu and vice versa
<CrzyClmbr> mmmmmm. snot tofu.
<agtorange> Snot brand Tofu--goes great with Smack Ramen
<nyder> snot is a good brand name for tofu
<CrzyClmbr> curdled /before/ we claim it's food.
<agtorange> Do you want the firm snot for frying or the soft snot for wiping under the table?

*** Elkman is now known as ElkmanSmo
<ElkmanSmo> That didn't work. Dammit
*** ElkmanSmo is now known as Elkman
<Elkman> That was supposed to be "ElkmanSmokeDetector".
<CrazyClimber> but it would only detect Elkman smoke.
<CrazyClimber> Elkmen! On Fire!
<KyolSmoke> fwooosh!

<LJ-atwork> why is it only 4:45?
* Leth breaks out the anatomically correct model of the Solar System
<Leth> Well, J, you see, it's all because of this gravity thing....
<kaufman> something to do with the sun being above the 146th meridian?
<agtorang> That's the wrong attitude! You should say "It's 4:45! Praise JESUS!"

<Da_Raven> I need to go retrieve my UPS package. :)
<Leth> It's always about getting some package with you, isn't it?
<Leth> and no, I'm not sure what I meant there either
<agtorang> you guys sounded married for a minute

<TomFish> I can be found banging my drum, if you know what I mean, at www.deforge.com
<mdxi> you can keep the self-fisting pics to yourself, thanks
<Leth> and you look very informative there, Shawn

<spinn> munga dunga dinga dunga anga dunga dinga dunga
<spinn> anga dunga dinga dunga anga dunga dinga dunga
<spinn> ringa dunga dinga dunga anga dunga dinga dunga
<spinn> heeeeeeey, ruffiani
<KemloCaes> Spinn, I'm afraid we're going to have to lobotomize you now.
<kaufman> www.dancingruffiani.com

<KemloCaes> There's no good browser on the terminal with IRC, and there's no IRC on the terminal with the good browser.
<kaufman> hey, you got browser on my IRC!
<Leth^> You got your IRC on my browser!
<StanXhiao> Are you stationed in a women's prison or something?

<Leth^> I wonder if Mr Luke could have given the poor feline a proper resting place
<Nyder> General Tso's cat.
<mdxi> i prefer the Meow Goo Gai Pan
<agt_orang> I can't get enough of that lugnut chicken

<agt_orang> gyp.
<KemloCaes> Y'realize that that's technically an ethnic slur, eh?
<agt_orang> pardom me.
<agt_orang> I meant to say "Nomadic central european pigfucker."
<KemloCaes> "I'm sure our many fine citizens of porcine descent will overlook my opponent's use of that term."

<CrzyClmbr> names here can be longer than nine letters?
<Kyol> Yup.
<CrzyClmbr> i can have my *snif* vowels back?
<Kyol> That'll make dirtsnakes easier.

<zompist> how does he manage to make almost every line abrasive?
<zompist> it's a gift, if you think about it...
<zompist> a gift of the dark side, but still.

<kaufman> Internet spelled backwards is almost tenenti
<mdxi> "Ted" spelled backwards is almost "prophylactic", for certain values of "almost"
<agtorange> depends on how you define "is"
<mdxi> specifically, where "almost" is defined as "having at least 33% of the letters of the original string occur at or near their positions in the *actual* reversal of the initial string". i think that would let it work.
<kaufman> and for certain values of "almost", "almost" spelled backwards is almost "almost"
<agtorange> Spelling.com: now using advanced TLAR technology.
<Leth^> hell, for certain values of "almost", I'm "almost" Ken
<agtorange> "Do you love me?" "For certain values of 'do,' yeah, sure."

<Leth^> Richard Douche, President, Cyber Promotions
<CrzyClmbr> Is he feeling fresh, Leth?
<SeanQ> Richard Douche?!?
<CrzyClmbr> Freshly Douched... never mind
<Leth^> "It's pronounced doo-shay. And my brother's name is pronounced az-wee-pay"
<agt_orang> "It's spelled 'Douche," but it's pronounced 'Spremute.'"

<TomFish> somewhere
<TomFish> over the netsplit
<TomFish> there's an elk that i dreamed of
<TomFish> once in a nutsac trip

<TomFish> ring ring ring went the trolley
<TomFish> ding ding ding went the bell
<TomFish> zing zing zing went my heartstrings
<Leth> Man, I'll drive down rt 128 for that kinda shit, Tom
<TomFish> as i kick leth into hell
<TomFish> bring the save card with you
<kaufman> kick kick kick went the op leth ...

<Da_Raven> hey, wabe. How'd it go?
<wabewalkr> How much time do you have?
<Da_Raven> um....1.5 hours.
<wabewalkr> I'll tell you later-- hate to interrupt the channel when there is actual non-breast-related activity.
<spinn> and, by the way, I think the channel is specially prepped to be converted to breast activity at any given moment

<Leth^> next time she'll have to log in when it ISN'T lunchtime
<TomFish> It's always lunchtime in the world of the spinn
<TheBoy> or naptime
<TomFish> or fancy shit candy time
<spinn> you show me a time that isn't fancy shit candy time, and it's a time I have no time to knowwwwww
<spinn> was halfway through that sentence and suddenly realized I was writing a musical
<CrzyClmbr> "It's midnight, and the kitties are burning..."

<spinn> oh, digiweb is now an interliant company
<Leth^> (A Hundred Monkeys Production)
<spinn> which is a subsidiary of agilentacorien, I suppose
<Leth^> a major shareholder in Vegameatavitamin

<CrzyClmbr> Sean's on the Other Side.
<CrzyClmbr> I don't think that ping's coming back.
<spinn> "okay, I'm pinging....but if you don't see me in ten minutes, call the ops"

* tieboy giggles
* Samwise looks at tie...are you channeling a 13-year old girl?
<tieboy> i guess you could call it channeling....
<tieboy> that's what i call it in court

<KemloCaes> Yeah, "Bescherelle" may SOUND funny, but I know people who had NIGHTMARES about that little green book with the magenta title.
<kaufman> some of whom were not interior decorators
<Da_Raven> But the little green book with the *sky blue* title....Oh, baby!
<KemloCaes> That was the Petit Code Grammatical.
<Doc_Evil0> the petit mal grrranimals?
<Da_Raven> Matching clothing that seizures?

<KemloCaes> Anyway, I have to go now. Will be back at some indefinite point in the future.
<KemloCaes> Probably tomorrow.
<kaufman> actually, the way the net is, Kemlo will probably be back yesterday

<K-Man^> When a computer reboots on it's own free will, that's a bad thing.
<Da_Raven> No, when a computer reboots under an oppresive, totalitarian regime, THAT'S a bad thing.
<K-Man^> Yeah, that too.
<wabewalkr> "Ve vill maak you power-cycle!"

<LJ-atwork> he's good looking and affectionate
<LJ-atwork> he must be gay
<spinn> well scootch over, thweetie, greggypoo is here
<spinn> 'cos if those two things mean you're gay, I'm screwed
<spinn> by men, apparently

<TomFish> at least my town is pronounced phoneticly
<Leth> at least we can spell 'phonetically'
<Leth> buncha granola-crunching hippies
<tieboy> why isn't it spelled fonetic, anways. shouldn't it set an example?
<spinn> yah, phoenetic is on my list of ironic words
<spinn> along with onomatopoiea

<mdxi> i know there's some layout people here. can i ask one of you a typographical question?
<Kyol> Uhh.
<Elkman> Go ahead and ask. It's not like we're busy discussing bodily functions right now.
<zompist> next bodily function conversation is scheduled for 5 central.

* Samwise watches out for semen covered baked goods
<Leth^> that's a good life-philosophy
<Samwise> Especially here.
<ZompSnack> can you collect them and win great prizes?
<Leth^> you could probably collect them and win the scorn and derision of your friends
<Raven> Damn, already got one of those.

<ZompSnack> here's a question i never really wondered the answer to:
<ZompSnack> "What does it take to be a Starbucks barista?"
<ZompSnack> i would have thought an earring and a desire to direct would cover it.
<Raven> Did they turn you down, zomp?

<LJ-atwork> GAWD the word rimshot always makes me do a double-take
<hockeyfag> LJ: you just wish you were getting a rimjob whenever you hear it
<K-Man^> But think, J: When does one need to emulate the sound of a rimjob on IRC?
<zompist> ssssscchluuurrrrp-pop!
<K-Man^> I SAID THINK, NOT SAY, DAMMIT, ZOMP

* CrzyClmbr squeezes the lith out of a few more batteries
* Da_Raven likes her lith with the pulp left in.
<zompist> bob is honking out a lith snake?

<Samwise> hock: did your parents buy the Satan in the Dice theory?
<zompist> "if we allow our boy to play d&d, he may turn out gay!"
<Raven> I thought he was in the wiring? Did he move without leaving a forwarding address dammit?

<Leth^> Y'know, I figured out why Deja wants to charge. They need the $ to upgrade their modem to at least 28.8 if not 33.6
<CrzyClmbr> And to feed the monkey after the interface "upgrade."
<CrzyClmbr> man, my brain is filled with pudding today.
<Leth^> mmmm....lunchtime then
* Leth^ grabs a spoon and a skull saw and slowly moves toward CC

<CrazyClimber> so,. how's that laserwriter doing, agt?
<agent_orange> still happily priting cropped tabloid docs on letter sized paper, bob, thanks for asking
<CrazyClimber> well, there's your answer. put tabloid sized paper in.
<CrazyClimber> you're welcome.
* agent_orange is flabbergasted
<agent_orange> Come work for me, boy!
<CrazyClimber> oh, i've heard /that/ before.

<agent_orange> stewing in my own juices, bbiaf.
* SeanQ hands agt_orange some tissue
<Elkman> I don't think I wanted to know about your juices, agt.
<agent_orange> mmm..warm
<agent_orange> and 100% organic!

<spinn> hay HAY hay
<TMR> Mornin' Professor Frink.
<Leth^fud> "Today the part of 'spinn' will be played by Bill Cosby

<spinn> I don't kow, but J tells me that green m&ms are an aphrodesiac.
<StanXhiao> They are?
<J-atwork> they always make *me* horny
<CrazyClimber> as opposed to what, J?
<StanXhiao> Where do you have to put them?

<agent_orange> fuck me in the ass with a false initial value for random number generator
<rJak> What, NOW?
<wabewalkr> Jeez, that happened to me yesterday.
<rJak> You were sexually assaulted by a random number generator?
<wabewalkr> In cyberspace, yes.
<tieboy> yeah, right in the git

<wabewalkr> quincymail?
<wabewalkr> What, you get coroner's reports for free?
<wabewalkr> I think they're running out of names for free mail services.

<Furr> I still remember all the fuss over that DEVO video that had the french fry impaling a doughnut's hole....
<LJ-atwork> oh man
<Kyol> Didn't they realize BRITTNEY SPEARS would be on the tube in another 15 years?

<Kyol> hf: Yah. The occasional police abuses aside, generally speaking they aren't going to shoot someone just because.
<K_Man> *Occasional* police abuses?
<Kyol> Ok, the massive police abuses out there.
<Leth^> yeah, they get a quota of one per month or so, after that, they get prosecuted

<TomFish> If I had a gun I'd shoot you and sleep with mommy in the big bed!
<K_Man> Either Tom's channeling Billy Keane or the codeine just kicked in.
<TomFish> codIEne
<K_Man> Say chowdah! CHOWDAH!
<TomFish> that's it, I'm calling the whole thing off!
<LadyJ> "Say it! Say Claaam Chowdeh"

<Leth> well, not really, because I don't want to open this machine up to the NT domain, just want to be able to shuffle files off my one workstation
<CrazyClimber> dammit, leth, can't you just use floppies like the rest of us?
<Leth> CC: I'm not your age, that isn't a problem for me yet

<SeanQ> i refuse to click on a page entitled "popzits.html"
<SeanQ> it's right up there with "bmezine.com"
<zompist> i didn't know popping zits was considered a body-mod.
<SeanQ> i'm just saying those are two things, if I see them in any part of an URL, i don;t click
<LadyJ> http://cow.org/img/eaglespread.jpg
* SeanQ adds "eaglespread.jpg" to his list

<zompist> say, it looks like it's time to edit.
<zompist> whoops, no it doesn't-- ken's already in there.
<zompist> that means it's time to submit peener jokes.

<spinn> dear god save me
<zompist> are you converting to evangelicalism?
<zompist> should we get out the guns?
<Leth^> spinn /is/ Tom Carder
* mdxi speeddials DocEvil for the hit
<spinn> no, yes. respectively
* Da_Raven loads her shotgun.

* CrzyClmbr wishes he could reach Raven's hard-candy dish from here.
* Da_Raven FTPs Bob a piece of candy.
<CrzyClmbr> thanks, rave. long march to 5 here today.
<CrzyClmbr> aw, damn, it arrived in bits.

<spinn> inlaws.
<spinn> kill me.
*** Signoff: spinn (killll meeeeee)
<dpk> the last we hear from spinn...
<CrzyClmbr> good thing for his sake he's got this channel. otherwise he /would/ be loading his gun.
<CrzyClmbr> "No, actually, he wasn't really just a quiet man who minded his own business."

<mdxi> "Hello, I'm some twat from WiReD magazine, and I'm here to wax pseudophilosophical about the same crap we've been blathering about sonce we started publishing!"
<mdxi> "AOL! Time Warner! Exciting!"
<Samwise> I disrespect anything typed with aLtErNaTiNg CaPs.

<Kyol> Jesus christ, I just talked to Boomhauer from Texas for a T1 installation.
<Kyol> "awlrightenwhaser DNS configgerationagonnabe?"
<CrzyClmbr> good thing he had the TLA in there to slow him down.

* CrzyClmbr wishes mdxi were here so he could wryly note that today's date works in binary.
<TomFish> the 2 in the year kinda screws it up
<CrzyClmbr> well, 01/10/00 gives you division by zero errors, but otherwise it's ok.
<TomFish> if by ok, you mean wrong, then yes, it's ok
<CrzyClmbr> well, then all of us are happy. :)
<TomFish> and if by happy, you mean miserable, then yes, everyone is happy

<Samwise> Mmmm...IPO...hghghghgahaaaaa...
<CrazyClimber> probably not for another year or two, according to the buzz around here.
<CrazyClimber> long enough for the internet economy to crash completely.
<Leth> and then the independent bookstores will rule over the eco-scape

<zompist> well, presumably the problem is *undocumented* absences.
<zompist> so, for each absence, make sure you write a man page.
<mdxi> See: mytruckwouldntstart (1)

<TMR> Where's lactating Stan?
<spinn> think he's having a beer with dissolving stan and trick-knee stan
<TMR> *boom* There went exploding stan.
<agt_orang> I thought that was gassy stan
<TMR> He was until the butt plug got stuck.
<agt_orang> I told him not to use the Xta Large model

<spinn> come to think of it, I think it's finally been some time since I've seen a lifestyle bit on smileys in a newspaper
<spinn> your signposts on the information superhighway
* agt_orang calls the features desk at the Sun-Times
<agt_orang> or would that be the "Get-a-Lifestyles" department?

<CrzyClmbr> so you're freddie mercury instead of bonham?
* Nyder hasn't got the musical sense God gave a weasel
<Nyder> cc: wee are the chaaampionnnns...
<K_Man> Weeeeee arrrrre the chaaaaaampionnnnns, WEEEEEE ARRRRRE THE CHAAAAAAMPIONNNNNNS!
<K_Man> I will get that goddamn song stuck in my head at even a lyric excerpt.
<K_Man> NOOOO TIIIIIIME FOR LOOOOOSERS, 'CAUSE WEEE-... dammit!

<K_Man> I was pretty much dominating the yellow zone in IADL for a short run.
<Leth^> yeah, Nyder was hogging the green zone
<Kyol> DAMN HER.
<K_Man> And selling captions to Enigma.
<K_Man> YOU IADL SLUT, YOU
<Kyol> Oh. Heh. _Hi_ Fiona. Uhh.

<Elkman> Great. I have mail from someone named "Merlinda Poon".
<Raven> Heh. Dare I ask what the content is?
<Elkman> She's an employee here. She's asking about some program that isn't building properly.
<SleepyCCsStuckOnThePhone> i would pay the company to work with someone named melinda poon.

<TomtheFish> weaver, parquee, thompson, wood
<Raven> parquee, thompson, wood? Sounds like plans for making a deck.
<mdxiBankEtc> Thompsons Pitcher Seal: Protects against the elements, free agency and deteriorating shoulder cartilidge

<Raven> Gotta grab some food before the big meeting.
<agent_orange> damn, those guys have a lot of meetings
* mdxi calls an IMPROMPTU MEETING between HIMSELF and HIS DONG
<agent_orange> I'll TELL YOU what's on the AGENDA: my PECKER
<CCsVerySleepyToday> ewww, i don't want to know what products you're shipping.
<mdxi> THIS CHANNEL is going to turn into a BIG HUGE COCKFEST, isn't it?
<agent_orange> yeah, like Canada is going to turn cold

<CCsVerySleepyToday> jesus christ.
<CCsVerySleepyToday> we just got mail telling us that we can no longer use mail to arrange social functions. the new bulletin board in the kitchen is available for that.
<LJ-tiredasm> hahahahahaha
<LJ-tiredasm> you vill haf fun NOW
<LJ-tiredasm> tick tick tick
<LJ-tiredasm> enough!
<LJ-tiredasm> fun is over
<LJ-tiredasm> schnell!

<StanXhiao> Can't be any worse.....
<StanXhiao> when it rains....
<StanXhiao> the dog shits in the umbrella.
<CrzyClmbr> And the cat pees in your face.

<TMR> I'm not wearing green.
<TMR> Fortunately, I'm not at schoo either, which saves me some ass-kicking.
* Lethprechaun jumps on TMR and starts pinching
* TMR kicks Lethprechaun in the nuts
<TMR> Take THAT, you little elfin bastard!
<Lethprechaun> Ha! Fooled you! I'm married, got those removed LONG ago!

<CrzyClmbr> actually, i think colorado just said I wasn't authorized.
<CrzyClmbr> of course i am, i've hung around this channel formonths, dammit!
<sol-D> you need toknow the secret handshake!
<CrzyClmbr> I can guess which finger it involves.

<hockeyfag> orange: depends
<zompist> greetings, spinnthlings.
<agt_orang> Hey! I'm wearing 'em right now!
<agt_orang> (ahhhh...)
<agt_orang> zomp!
<zompist> should i worry when your train of thought moves from "wearing depends" to me?

<zompist> oh my! i've been booted off the pggtg schedule!
<spinn> yah, mark, one too many "damp, moldy basement with one 40-watt lightbulb dimly illuminating the cinderblock furniture" jokes, probably
<spinn> well, who are we kidding. twelve too many.
<CrzyClmbr> it's going to be like a survivalist version of "That '70s Show," isn't it?

<Kyol> Ok, so on the front page of today's paper, there's this headline, and I quote:
<Kyol> "Gay 'unions' bill advances in Vermont".
<Kyol> I think "Oh, they're unionizing. How.. Interesting."
<Kyol> "Queer Pride Local 104!"

* LimePi has to go wash the dog now, anyway.
<tieboy> Don't forget to iron him too
*** Signoff: LimePi (Jesus hates you. I'm going to go wash the dog now. (No, that's not a euphemism for masturbating, sicko.))
<Lethprechaun> sounds like a pretty blatant one to me

<agent_orange> feed it jif. practically glues the beak shut.
<Raven> And less lethal than the SuperGlue alternative.
<KyolPuff> raven: You couldn't imagine how hard it is to hook the little fuckers up to an IV..

<agent_orange> gos nope? holder of the seventh key and groundskeeper of gozer?
<Samwise> This Sunday (SUNDAY SUNDAY) See, the mightyweilderof the glowing blade face off with the maintainer of the temple! IT's Gos Nope versus Lord Sarrrnaak!
<Samwise> </radio announcer>

<TomFish> aiyah! $1038?!?!
<CrzyClmbr> It's $1038! It's $1038! It's $1038!
<TomFish> so much for rent this month
<mdxi> those porn bills can really add up, eh?

<CrzyClmbr> Back when all we did was sign guestbooks, I understood more of the conversation here. :)
<LJ-atwork> we could always talk about splitcock
<CrzyClmbr> Been there, done that.
<Raven> NO thanks.. :) Find another guestbooks, bob. :)
<CrzyClmbr> Yeah, actually, it's more like, "Went 'la la la la la' while other people were being there and doing that."

<StanXhiao> I'm gonna reinstall Solaris this morning
<StanXhiao> Just for fun
<Elkman> What are you going to do this afternoon? Stick bamboo shoots under your fingers?
<Elkman> (Or fingernails... whatever they do for torture.)
<Samwise> Heh...the new guy on the torture squad, waving bamboo under the victim's fingers..."Talk!"

<TMR> A tracheotomy's good for a three-part french inhale.
<CrazyClimber> sounds like an olympic event.
<TMR> "Synchronized smoking"

<CrazyClimber> I heart Windows.
<Raven> And who wouldn't heart Windows?
<TMR> People who would spade or club it.

<Raven> I like how the Present to Me seems to be about her sticking her fingers in her ears and going "La, la, la, I can't hear you!" to what was probably a whole lot of people telling her how badly her stuff sucks.
<Raven> The poem is very roody poo in that kind of "da DA da da DA, da DA da da DA, da DA da da DA da, da DA da da da da DA DA da da da da" way
<spinn> rave: the present to me seemed more
<spinn> oh, you know, strong girl breaking her chains
<spinn> strong perky affluent sorority girl breaking the chains of the meanies that drag her down
<CrzyClmbr> May 2, 1999: Ms. Eisenberg goes to Washington
<spinn> I really do wanna slap her one.

<shil> I get off tomorrow *and* friday
* Leth checks off another name on his list
<Leth> ok, I hate you too, now
<Raven> Heh. "Naughty....check."

<TomFish> and where do I get hero spells
<Leth^_> I got em by card converting Laguna's (?) card
<Leth^_> but I think you cn get em elsewhere, too
<SeanQ> try Walmart, they have everything
<SeanQ> Aisle 14, near the deodorants

<SeanQ> the SBA was too much like the quarter, Bob, people got tired of squinting at their change or getting screwed out of 75 cents
<Leth^> Yeah, I just got an SBA dollar in change the other day instead of a quarter
<CrzyClmbr> so you've come out ahead on this whole thing then.
<TomFish> Super Big Ass?
<TomFish> I wish I could get a Super Big Ass for a quarter

<Raven> Whoo! Get to kick some disk-hog ass today.
* CrzyClmbr misses babel.
<CrzyClmbr> well, i did it the old-fashioned way. By way of spanish:
<CrzyClmbr> Whoo! Be able to today strike some ass of the dial-pig with the foot.
<CrzyClmbr> I also liked italian: Whoo! To obtain to give today of soccer to a sure ass of the disc-pig.

<zompist> this will significantly advance my plans for world domination.
<SeanQ> i like my oatmeal with raisins, zomp
<zompist> i'm not going to take over the world just to provide you with breakfast, sean!

<SeanQ> christ, I had garlic pizza and two huge glasses of water for lunch, and now I feel like all the natural elements are fighting to escape my body
<tiefood> f-f-f-f-funt!
<SeanQ> so far, water and air are winning, with eatrh and fire running close behind
* CrazyClimber moves upwind

<CrzyClmbr> you can always ask sean about the mets' new position player.
<rJak> Rudy Guiliani?
<CrzyClmbr> Garth Brooks.
<rJak> Yeah, but Garth's a hick. He'd never fit in there.
<CrzyClmbr> well, and he isn't a baseball player, either.
<rJak> remember MC Hammer and the Falcons?

<kaufman> spinnbot, what is booty?
<spinnbot> kaufman, Not likely.
<TomFish> no booty in ken's future
<kaufman> I don't need a bot to tell me that

<CrzyClmbr> so i'm playing "stump ask jeeves," and i ask "what is booty?"
<CrzyClmbr> it actually comes back with "What is the scientific name for the butt?"
<Raven> "scientific"?
<Raven> Ah, yes, the gluteus booteus.
<CrzyClmbr> and then offers, as an alternative, "Black booty anal links and young nude teen pussy."

<Kyol> I forget that they hire the mentally challenged to bag yer groceries during the day. (shudder)
<Kyol> ...and they subscribe to the fewer bags the better line of reasoning. Bah!
<agent_orange> Bag Tard needed at register 12!

<SeanQ> wit a sec, Jacq, you live in Canada... everyone in Canada has health insurance
<jacquilyn> Well, okay, I have public health insurance but it doesn't include drug coverage and I've spent ove $600 on drugs in the last year.
<Raven> You have to cut back on the heroin, jacq.
<jacquilyn> Shit, if i was paying for that, I probably wouldn't mind.
<jacquilyn> Unfortunately, Prevacid doesn't have any side effects that are even remotely fun.
<Samwise> $600 for heroin in one year? THat would be one *lazy* addict.
<Raven> Or bargain heroin sales.

<spinn> wow, this is one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
<spinn> once when I was around 7 or so, I was trying to plug in a radio, but the prongs were bent outwards, so I held them together while plugging them in
<spinn> so, I should say, one of the stupidest web-creation things I've ever done

<Morwen> Kyols not here!
<zompist> really? userlist just says he's writing his will.
<Morwen> Hehe, he should be.
<zompist> uh oh! what'd he do now?
<Morwen> He took my son's old bike to Goodwill.
<zompist> and that's a bad thing?
<Morwen> No, thats a good thing!
<zompist> was your son on it?

<TomFish> Spinnwebe is the last cornflake in the box. It's the first thing you see when you finish your ramen. It's the floppy in your disk.
<rJak> It is Tom Arnold in a Beer Drinking Contest.
<TomFish> It's what keeps the tent wher it is.
<rJak> And we randomly insult people.

<Samwise> Looks like waffles for lunch
<Kyol> OOoh, waffles.
<agent_orange> "Looks Like" waffles? Plastic waffle substitute?
<Raven> THey just get to watch others eat waffles.
<kaufman> I Can't Believe It's Not Waffles
<agent_orange> Waffauxs

<Samwise> Woo hoo a paradox!
<CrzyClmbr> well, sam, it is and it isn't.
<zompist> depending on the spin state of the electron in the other half of the box.
<CrzyClmbr> Schroedinger's Flaming Kitten.

<TomFish> well, I never got the hang of Gen X
<SeanQ> you're what, Generation ExLax?
<TomFish> Generation DD, the generation the bra manfacturers are after

<CrazyClimber> b4life035 4/25/2000 What is a girls veranda, and how do you give a girl pleasure there?
<Raven> Mint juleps, usually.
<kaufman> and why does she want me to touch her volvo?
<CrazyClimber> just be careful around the gazebo!

<mdxi> i remember reading about this a day or two ago and saying "What the hell is Piranha?"
<KyolLunch> Is it anything like (hack! spit!) kudzu?
<tieschmoke> It can reformat a cow in 30 seconds

<TomFish> the blue screen of death isn't a windows error
<TomFish> it's a processor error and windows is just reporting it
<TomFish> yeah, that's the ticket
<TomFish> as a matter of fact, it isn't an error at all
<TomFish> It's a yummy piece of candy
<K-Man^> Mmmm... blue screen morsel chocolate candy...

<K-Man^> I think that @ is made of wood. Have a feel, Ben me lad!
<Mr-Ben> No
<K-Man^> MAYBE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING HEAR ME
<K-Man^> Have a FEEL, BEN me LAD.
* Samwise gets off the damn shed

* agt_orang used to play defense when he was a kid--in the "mite" league
<agt_orang> it was great being named after tiny parasites
<SeanQ> heheh, did you ever graduate to the "lice" division?
<agt_orang> they missed their chance by not having a lice division, or earwigs, etc.
<hockeyfag> lice, ticks, dung beatle....
<agt_orang> the fightin' mites vs the SnoCrabs, tonight at 8!

<zompist> live on-line sex? where do you, er, plug it in?
<hockeyfag> zomp: ummmm.. I'm sure they sell something that hooks into the SCSI port
<CrzyClmbr> well, some of these sites probably prefer USB because it allows hot swapping.
<mdxi> despite its superior bandwidth, i would think that FireWire's name would prevent it from being adopted in the teledildonics biz

<agt_orang> damn, is goto.com just the most wretched search engine ever or what?
<agt_orang> thing makes Jeeves look like HAL 9000
<CrzyClmbr> an insane murderer?

Disclaimer : These are actual IRC transcripts. Some editing has been done, either by arranging lines slightly (so conversational blocks look coherent), by deleting irrelevant lines, or lumping multiple consecutive lines by the same author together. For one or two people who used multiple aliases, I picked their most common alias and used it throughout. The actual text and/or the intent of the text has remained untouched. If any of the participants chronicled below have issues, objections or comments, please drop me a line. [As of 4/26/99, the newest entries are tacked onto the top, instead of added to the bottom.