IRC Quotes : Page 2

<spinn_> yeah. apparently I'm building a brand around "dysfunctional"
<StanXhiao> spinn: Something a Mom could be proud of
<Da_Raven> "When the name's Dysfunctional, you know it's good!"
<SeanQ> It's a Dysfunctional IPO
<StanXhiao> You could co-brand
<SeanQ> Dysfunctional Circus Peanuts
<kaufman_> Dysfunctional Editorial Cartoon
<SeanQ> Dysfunctional Family Planning
<Da_Raven> Catholic Church has cornered that market, Sean
<SeanQ> "This diaphragm is made of wood! Here, have a feel..."
<Elkman> Sounds like a good opportunity for painful splinters.
<kaufman_> St. Cecilweed
<StanXhiao> of Pantywaist
<SeanQ> Our Lady of the Gutter
<kaufman_> of Shedd

<agtorange> here's a nice mom site:
<agtorange> http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/7792/PostCardPageIndex.html
<StanXhiao> Angels! Sweet little animated angels!
<agtorange> the dancing bavby is SO *CUTE*
<Leth_> oh hell, now I have to go find my insulin
<agtorange> I dare any of you to click on the "I will always love you " midi
<StanXhiao> 6,371,599 hits???
<agtorange> of acid
<StanXhiao> oh, guestbook

<SeanQ> okay, who left the Famewolf blurb in the angel guestbook?
<SeanQ> this is what spinn meant by "roving band of net hooligans"
<Elkman2> Who's a roving band of net hooligans?
<SeanQ> spinnoffs
<Elkman> Roving band of net hooligans? That's ridiculous. I do most of my hooliganism right here in Minneapolis.
<SeanQ> floating ethereal hooligans, then
<agtorange> we move in silently, leave cryptic guestbook messages, then move silently on
<agtorange> splitting infinitives all the way

<StanXhiao> Gen Stan's Chicken
<Mr-Ben> Stanley's Chicken Shack.
<StanXhiao> Saving Stan's Privates
<SeanQ> zomp: Lieutenant Xhiao's Sticky Chicken Fingers
<Mr-Ben> The Stans Brothers.
<kaufman_> Col. Standers
<Mr-Ben> Stanley's Squid Shack?
<kaufman_> Xhiaolimari!
<agtorange> Stan Xhiao's Genuine Texas Bar-B-Que Squid
<StanXhiao> Stan's House Of Whacks
<SeanQ> Submarine Stan's Spicy Tentacles
<zompist> Two Chinese Brothers Mighty Good Squid
<agtorange> Mr. Luke's House of Gastropods
<kaufman_> Mr. Squid Please
<zompist> The House of Invertebrates
<kaufman_> Golden Mollusk

<spinn> and not only was the text drippy christian muck
<spinn> and not only was it red letters on green
<spinn> but I was forced to read red on green letters to read the drippy christian muck
<spinn> or vice-versa, I don';t know which is worse
<spinn> well, so
<spinn> I hate you

<Elkman> And how big does furplay's ego get as a result of running his site?
<TomFish> didn't he cry that he doesn't know html and has no bandwidth?
<spinn> oh yeah!
<zompist> yeah, he wanted greg to take on a court case for him, but he can't be bothered to learn html.
<spinn> oh, that's what the "ball's in your court" was about
<spinn> basically, "okay, tough guy...send me the archives and I will"
<spinn> like, christ, should I drive a bus for your revolution, too?
<spinn> you need walls built or searchtowers erected or anything?

<spinn> they had a haiku contest. it had to be about floppy disks
<spinn> saving so slowly / summer goes and winter comes / I am still saving
<spinn> error on drive A / please help me, Peter Norton / You're my only hope
<spinn> Why they say floppy? / It hard like samurai sword / Flan, now that floppy
<spinn> Floppies are not good / for decorative loincloth / Trust me on this one.
<spinn> e-flyer hates me / please, send me the spreadsheet! please! / silence fills my ears

<zompist> why is there no chocolate in this office???
* CrzyClmbr bought some at lunchtime.
<CrzyClmbr> If you can get here by 5, you can have some.
* zompist sneaks up behind bob and steals his chocolate.
<zompist> it's not nice, i know; but a murderous rampage was avoided.
* CrzyClmbr trips zomp, grabs it back, and runs like hell.
<zompist> fine. murderous rampage it is, then.

<SeanQ> Dilbert breath mints?!?
<SeanQ> what's next, Catbert hemmorhoid cream?
<StanXh> Cathy Vaginal Ointment
<SeanQ> heh... Guisewite-7
<CrzyClmbr> apt 3g pregnancy test
<agtorange> ...Well, I was going to say something else, but Cathy Vaginal Ointment stopped me dead

<StanXhiao> Can you animate that?
<Da_Raven> NO!
<spinn> sure I can
<spinn> hold on
<CrzyClmbr> and put in some flames?
<spinn> flames? sure
<StanXhiao> blood!
<StanXhiao> And a piece of US mail popping out of its ass!
<RJak> and KITTENS!

<zompist> Tears coursed down Thel's cheeks. The words were _dirty_. And she couldn't clean them.
<zompist> any opinion, ken & rave?
<kauf> I think I'd prefer changing "The words" to "Her thoughts", but that's just me.
<TheEnigma> And change the setting to Acapulco
<TheEnigma> And the language to Armenian
<TheEnigma> And the date to October 15, 2003.
<TheEnigma> And you'll be set.
<kauf> Something like, "Three days after the 511th Columbus Day festival, Thel looked sadly out of the shower of her Acapulco villa. Her thoughts, coming through in her native Armenian, were _dirty_. And she couldn't clean them."

<spinnbot> babel: After they had monitored the caricature guidance 83 hours long even, the first characters became to explode that it in the BegriffWAR, by the Schleimleckstelle in its face obviously.
<zompist> wow. kind of goes scary at the end.
<zompist> ve will deveat you in der BegriffWar!
<K-Man> BegriffWAR? ...the hell?
<zompist> our Schleimleckstelle cannot be schtopped!
<Elkman> I should go home and monitor the caricature guidance.

<maime> I used to take orders at a restaurant before I drank and I never got drink orders right.
<Mr_Ben> They ask "How is this?" or "Does this taste good?" and I can never answer.
<sol-D> just say it's "boozeriffic!"
<Mr_Ben> I'm tempted to yell "IT TASTES LIKE SHIT! DON'T BUY IT!"
<wabewalkr> "Good luck with the cirrosis, suckers!"
<Mr_Ben> And then either run away or tear off all my clothes and jump around the place while yelling obscenities real loud.
<maime> The customers love that.

<MisterQ> did someone disembowl the spinnbot?
<maime> I killed the bot, I ate him.
<sol-D> what flavour bot was it?
<zompist> spinn-flavored, probably.
<SeanQ> i heard they taste just like chicken
<maime> I wouldn't know I've never tasted spinn. He's married remember?
<zompist> hey, wabe... what flavor do you think spinnbot was?
<wabewalkr> Top.
<zompist> not beauty?

<wabewalkr> Invade Oklahoma.
<zompist> for what? its dust reserves?
<wabewalkr> Make them change their motto. "Oklahoma, you're... fine"
<sol-D> your...not too shabby
<SeanQ> your... fair to middlin'
<zompist> oklahoma has got to be one of the least desirable states, inasmuch as we didn't bother to steal it from the indians till 1889.
<SeanQ> andthen didn't we just give it away to settlers?
<wabewalkr> "Oklahoma, you're a 'ho'"
<zompist> oklahoma, the state with a ho in the middle?
<wabewalkr> Oklahoma, you're a ho, ma.

<TMR> Nippless: a Japanese adhesive-pasty designed to obscure said parts when worn under a shirt.
<maime> I'm sick of seeing nipples.
<MisterQ> not me
<zompist> hmmmmmmmmm.....
<zompist> no, not me, either.
<TMR> Mine are a bit too big and conical.
<TMR> That's what happens with a sunken chest, though.
<MisterQ> That and pirates
<maime> I'm tired of my breasts. Want them?
<TMR> Where would I put them, maime?
<zompist> on the back?
<MisterQ> Hmm... detachable boobies?
<maime> I don't care.
<TMR> Yeah, then hope I never go to prison with tits on my back.

<TMR> I dunno, I nearly blew $40 on a copy of Hello Kitty Cube Stack-Up
<MisterQ> What's the cube stack-up?
<zompist> hello kitty in a stackup with who?
<MisterQ> I think he bought a $40 pin up poster of Hello Kitty
<zompist> i don't recall hello kitty being really stacked.
<TMR> She got implants.
<MisterQ> like Brittany spears
<TMR> (yes, on her back. You never see her from behind, remember?)
<MisterQ> I'm sure you can find a comic like Teenage Hello Kitty Panty Happy Happy #1 somewhere on the net
<MisterQ> I think A Hello Kitty themed world would be my personal version of Hell
<TMR> My personal hell would be an eternal pep rally.
<zompist> yeah, mine would involve a good deal of high school.
<MisterQ> My High School was boring, but it wasn't hell.
<MisterQ> Otherwize it would have mysteriously burned down long ago.

<MisterQ> hm.. I was kind of depressed when I saw both my captions edited out of the archived dfc picture of Jeffy on the phone. There goes my streak. (yea I know, poor baby, etc...)
* Da_Raven passes you the Rice Krispie treats.
<MisterQ> Yum! Elf made snacks always make bad things a little better.
<MisterQ> Hmm, I wonder if either Snap, Crackle, or Pop are not gay.
<MisterQ> On a related note, I wonder if my cough medicine is kicking in.
<kaufman> will their sexuality affect your medicine's performance?
<MisterQ> That depends on what they did to Raven's Rice Crispy Treat.
<MisterQ> So... what were you guys talking about?

<Da_Raven> Star Wars 4: The Paging of Spinn's Dark Wrath
<MisterQ> Where does he keep his Dark Wrath?
<Da_Raven> You'd have to ask debb.
<zompist> next to badtz maru and the roo pic.
<TheEnigma> In a bottle
<Da_Raven> He keeps it in Tupperware, for freshness.
<TheEnigma> A little dark bottle
<TheEnigma> Does he burp it?
<MisterQ> The burp means it's still evil

<LadyJ> when did he add the fnords?
<LadyJ> I don't think the scene play I did today was rough enough to make me see fnords that existed before, unnoticed :)
<DMLaenker> "Narf", methinks, is a Pinky and the Brain reference, but I've never known what "fnord" is.
<LadyJ> no dan
<LadyJ> it's an illuminatus trilogy reference
<LadyJ> but I asked WHEN
<DMLaenker> What? Narf?
<LadyJ> no, dinkus... I said fnord.
<DMLaenker> Fnord was what I was asking.
<LadyJ> argh
<LadyJ> okay
<LadyJ> but the fucking question was WHEN
<DMLaenker> All I was saying was what I knew what "narf" was...
<DMLaenker> Beats me.
<LadyJ> jesus
* LadyJ beats dan
<Da_Raven> You know, and I say this because I care, there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as good as the real thing, J.

<Da_Raven> Sleeping naked's only fun when there's someone else in the bed. :)
<wabewalkr> Oh, I dunno.
<Da_Raven> Okay, hot, sweaty and naked is only fun with someone else.
<wabewalkr> It's pretty interesting when you're naked under sheets and the cat decides to attack that curious bulge.
<mrphaygot> I've definately missed something interesting.
<mrphaygot> As misterman always says "Is it wrong to push the cat away?"

<Da_Raven> Which reminds me, I need to get home in time to tape The Sopranos tomorrow.
<zompist> so, you're not only nude, you're not at your own house?
<Da_Raven> I meant home from work.
<Da_Raven> But I'm not nude at work.
<wabewalkr> Except when you fsck a disk.
<zompist> our chairman likes to say that the spss dress code is whatever doesn't get you arrested on the way to work.
<wabewalkr> Heh. Come in full leather regalia.
<wabewalkr> Chaps with open buttcheeks.
<zompist> and a slave on a leash.
<Da_Raven> I'd love to see zomp in punk-esque leather and studs.
<zompist> watch out, rave. when the gods are angry, they grant our wishes.
<Da_Raven> IADL #500.
<Da_Raven> To mark the special occasion. :)
<wabewalkr> I was thinking more leather daddy, but motorcycle punk would do.
<zompist> well, ok, but i won't shave my head for it.

<Da_Raven> The *Renaissance Faire*.
<Da_Raven> Yet another one of the sites that Greg apparently followed me to.
<Da_Raven> ALong with IRishfest and Taste of Chicago. :)
<zompist> he was stalking you?
<Da_Raven> Everytime I went to an event, IADL pics from the same event would appear.
<Da_Raven> It started making me nervous at Chicago summer events.
<Da_Raven> This was pre-GTGs.
<wabewalkr> Maybe you're a werespinn? Did these blackouts occur on a full moon?
<zompist> do you share a pobox with mcgruff the crime dog?
<Da_Raven> Hmmm....
<wabewalkr> She's a sysadmin, a bird, a spider, and a dog. She's... Manimal!

<zompist> ah, fáildig éoste mphuig nháosta!
<zompist> btw, that's just fake irish, but it looks good, doesn't it?
* Da_Raven whaps zomp.
<maime> I thought it was laotian.
<Da_Raven> Except for mphuig.
<Da_Raven> That looks like you're clearing your throat. :)
<maime> No I think that's Vietnamese. I had it for lunch the other day. A noodle salad thing.
<maime> But don't try to ask for cucumbers. Just don't try.

*** spinn (spinn@tnt13b-216.focal-chi.corecomm.net) has joined #spinnwebe
<spinn> WHAT?
<spinn> WHAT?!
<spinn> CHRIST, WHAT?!
<maime> Your ears burning? I said "oops sorry."
<spinn> maime's paging me LIKE THERE'S NO FUCKING TOMORROW
<TheEnigma> There's not a tomorrow?
<maime> Yeah and you know you loved it.
<spinn> oh, well, yeah
<Da_Raven> There isn't going to be a tomorrow, so we wanted your last moments to be with us....
<TheEnigma> We wanted a final IADL update before mankind perished in flames.

<SeanQ> !Xhiaobel kaufman is away eating leftover Ramen from a Tupperware container in his underwear
<Da_Raven> kaufman stores Tupperware in his underwear? I didn't need to know that. :)
<LJ-atwork> why does kaufman have tupperware in his underpants?
<StanXhiao> I thought it was the other way around
<StanXhiao> !babel Why does Kaufman have underware in his tupperpants?
<kaufman> we're two WILD&CRAZY GUYS and we'd like YUO to come to a tupperware party.
<kaufman> I too shall take leave of this channel and perhaps change the proper underware into take that babelbot!

<spinn> Tetris DX is a classic Tetris game made for Game Boy Color. The main difference between this game and its predecessors is the presence of colorful graphics. The backgrounds change color as you build lines, and the brightly colored pieces are easy to see.
<spinn> baha, man.
<spinn> tht's the best they can say about it
<spinn> "you know, the SAME DAMN THING. But now it's FUCKING PRETTY."
<Da_Raven> Well, they *tried*.
<spinn> yeah
<spinn> I'm sure they have a minimum word requirement
<spinn> and the writers were like, uh, I dunno? for an hour
<Da_Raven> Although, if their blurb was "you know, the SAME DAMN THING. But now it's FUCKING PRETTY.", I'd almost buy a Game Boy just for that.

<K-Man> Oh great modem / I love you so fucking much / Why disconnect me?
<TheEnigma> Magical Randy / With charm and wit so scathing / How we adore thee
<Crazy_Cli> k - fucking modems suck / goddamned fucking modems suck / except when they work
<mdxi> analogue modem / slow and unreliable / why NO CARRIER
<K-Man> My 56K / Will now connect to Erols / What? No dialtone?
<Crazy_Cli> old technology / bites but I have heard rumors / that DSL rocks
<Crazy_Cli> i love cherry coke / it goes well with any lunch / and keeps me up nights
<mdxi> BellSouth is evil / ISDN, DSL / just a dream for me
<K-Man> Hey mdxi / Have you ever considered / jobs with Microsoft?
<mdxi> k-man you're my friend / but never say that again / or i shall kill you
<CrzyClmbr> a recurring theme / oh, rainy days and modems / always get me down.

<LJ-atwork> Dysfunctional June Cleaver
<RJak> "ward, beaver blew up the dairy queen again"
<SeanQ> "ward, you were /awfully/ hard on the Beaver last night..."
<RJak> "I'll talk to him, june"
<K_Man> "Ward, quit chasing after Beaver and look for your son!"
<RJak> "shut up and bend over, june."

<zompist> the irony is, they've never been more numerous or prosperous.
<zompist> their population has increased tenfold in this century.
<MisterQ> Thanks to modern medicine
<Mr_Ben> And the fact we didn't force them to live in Kansas or Oklahoma after taking their lands.
<zompist> heh. some indians are kind of pissed that, after all that, some whites are now coming around affecting an interest in indian religion.
<Samwise> Dances with Patronization

<Da_Raven> Well, really, laps are lumpy, and you worry about smooshing the other party, etc. Actual lap sitting is better in the theoretical.
<wabewalkr> Except when both parties are naked, but that goes without saying.
<Da_Raven> Well, then hopefully, you're doing something other than just sitting.
<wabewalkr> Knitting?
<Da_Raven> If that's what you call it. :)
<zompist> fiber arts are best done naked, you know.

* zompist will eat vegetarian once a week or so, but in general he likes something to die for his meal.
<wabewalkr> I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain just to have a salad...
<zompist> heh. considering the human ancestry, you mostly clawed your way over a pile of fruits, termites, and the occasional baboon.
<Da_Raven> Damn baboons, always trying to keep us down!
<zompist> o/~ 76 baboons in the big parade....
<Samwise> 110 prehensile vaginas right behiiiind...
<MisterQ> I wonder if there's a place in hell (if it exists) that's just nothing but prehensile vaginas. For the Shakers.

<zompist> i write code mostly... but that's just a cover for my crime-fighting.
<wabewalkr> I'm doing nothing except going in, typing a command, and watching the text scroll by the screen.
<zompist> but it's a hell of a command, i bet.
<wabewalkr> "make release"
<Da_Raven> Ah, the excitement, wabe.
<wabewalkr> Last week I faked an orgasm while doing it, just to emphasize how powerful it was.
<Samwise> Uh, wabe, have you considered seeing a professional?
<zompist> you wouldn't believe what they pay wabe for that, sam.
<zompist> "mr. menke? fake orgasm needed on the 12th floor, pronto."

<Samwise> Was it their "We Love Gays" day or whatever it was?
<zompist> gay days at disney world, i think. also they have a gay-friendly employment policy.
<Samwise> my friend Geoff was there, and didn't know it was "gay day" until he arrived...he saw this guy checking out his sister while waiting in line, so he subtly moved between them...but the guy kept staring. :)
<zompist> well, tell geoff to can the mesh shirt and cock ring next time he goes to disney world...
<wabewalkr> Yeah, when your cock ring gets snagged on the Matterhorn it can be quite painful.
<zompist> ouch! anal raping by the matterhorn!

* MisterQ listens to the crickets
<wabewalkr> Damn!
<spinn> christ, there are crickets in the rugs already
<MisterQ> Release the chlorine gas
* zompist summons the cleaning robots
<wabewalkr> Nooo!
<wabewalkr> Killer cleaning robots!
<zompist> well, who wants dirty killers?

<MisterQ> Yea, spinn. Don't you guys just choose the green zone captions through a random program?
<wabewalkr> It's selected on a bidding system.
<Da_Raven> Tell him he forgot the bribe. Dark chocolate will do.
<wabewalkr> Oh, and here all I've been providing is sexual favors.
<Samwise> Jesus tits, you mean we can get captions in for chocolate?!?!
<Da_Raven> Well, or sexual favors. If you're wabe. :)
<MisterQ> Like captions for chocolate
<zompist> of course, for hat tricks we demand prostate massage.
<Da_Raven> Er, not me.
<_XXX_> I just so happen to be a certified Prostate Examiner.
<_XXX_> Took a lot of work, but when you have a dream, you just gotta follow it.

* zompist wipes the foam off his lips and apologizes. it was kind of a frustrating conversation, that's all.
<MisterQ> have you been drinking the weasel flavored Sol-d in the fridge?
* zompist can't stand the taste of weasel.
<TheEnigma> Weasel, with a hint of lemon, she said.
* Da_Raven pokes it. You'd be eating it, by now.
* zompist has had an upset stomach all day. weasel is not indicated for his condition.
<MisterQ> the lemon makes all the difference
<TheEnigma> Weasel without lemon? Hardly worth it.
<MisterQ> almost as good as weasel filtered lemonade
<TheEnigma> But not quite.
<MisterQ> it looses it's subtle flavor

<MisterQ> youa have somethinga against the family?
<zompist> yeah, they invented pasketti.
<MisterQ> hey. the pasgetti racket is one of our mosre profitable legitamate businesses
<zompist> meat bulbs, too?
<MisterQ> we know nothing about that
<Da_Raven> Nah, thrifty housewives plant them, so they come back every year. Ruins the supply and demand.
<MisterQ> you know how hard it is to go around and ruin all the meat bulb trees?

<MisterQ> Raven was talking about how she can undo clothing
<Da_Raven> We ravens kick ass.
<wabewalkr> And she mates for life.
<SeanQ> but she also plays complex games
<MisterQ> none of that crappy uncomplex Ant's in the Pants for her
<wabewalkr> A raven helped find Iceland for the Swedes.
<zompist> rave, could you go find us some ice?

<zompist> heh. i like this list of "british ships sunk today" from the onion, 1917: "HMS Quail. HMS Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle. HMS Snettisham. HMS Wet-nurse. HMS Bed-Sit. HMS Buttered Toast. HMS Widgeon."
<wabewalkr> Didn't Churchill serve on the "Buttered Toast"?
<zompist> or perhaps the HMS Hedgerow.
<MisterQ> No, he was on the HMS Buttercup
<wabewalkr> HMS I-may-be-drunk-but-you're-ugly
<MisterQ> But the most feared ship was, of course, the HMS Soccer Riot

<Da_Raven> TV is not for education. Books are for education. TV is for escapism. Er, and so are books. Books are just really damn versatile, aren't they?
<wabewalkr> School is for education.
<zompist> and for shooting sprees.
<MisterQ> My school was for escapeisms
<wabewalkr> So was mine.
<Da_Raven> Mine was for awkward social situations and reading books during class.

<spinn> the Wayf and Meanf of the Most Irrevernt Jokef of To-Day
<Da_Raven> That should be the subtitle for your humor ezine.
<spinn> I'll pattern it like, 1750's
<spinn> Concerning the Laughf and Chucklef one may Derive from the Readingf of Texte
<spinn> The Texual Humour Collectione or something
<Da_Raven> "The Complet Humoure"

<maime> I've been trying to seduce the undead but its just not working.
<MisterQ> Just don't eat yummy italian food before trying to talk to them.
<maime> Right. garlic bad.
<MisterQ> I wonder how they feel about sushi?
<maime> I would think Wasabi would be too much for the delicate digestive tracts of the undead
<MisterQ> Well, california rolls anyway.
<Da_Raven> Caffeine for mind. Pizza for body. Sushi for soul.
<Da_Raven> THey have no souls, right?

<MisterQ> I just entered Raven's Quote page through the Cat's Ass, and was I surprised
<wabewalkr> Not as surprised as the cat, I'm sure.
<MisterQ> That cat ate a whole lot of things appently
<zompist> mostly corn.
<MisterQ> Why would a cat eat corn?
<zompist> well, he is in the toilet.

<TheEnigma> Then there was the total slut who sleeps with everyone.
<TheEnigma> She wanted me to be #419 or something.
<DocEvil> Hold out untill #450
<DocEvil> Maybe youll get a prize
<TheEnigma> Sure.
<TheEnigma> #500 wins a pony!
<DocEvil> Syphillis
<TheEnigma> A syphilitic pony!
<MisterQ> Be the #1000th customer, get a free vd screening

<DocEvil> Got quiet there
<TheEnigma> It gets that way in here sometimes.
<TheEnigma> That's when we sacrifice cheerleaders.
<DocEvil> Mmmmmm.. Cheerleaders...
<TheEnigma> Bathe them and br...nevermind.
<DocEvil> Girls on trampolines
<MisterQ> Ia Ia Cheerleaders
<DocEvil> Zikky zakki! Zikky zakki! Oy! Oy! Oy!
<MisterQ> Can I have a 'C', a 'U', a 'T', a 'H', a 'U', a 'L', and a ...um... 'U' What does that spell? A WORD!

<shawn-> there. now the first screenshot is my favorite naked anime girl background
<MisterQ> she's giving you the finger
<shawn-> she can give me anything she wants to :)
<zompist> with mazongas like that, if she stood up, they'd reach to her navel.
<wabewalkr> "Any nation that prefers its pornography animated has some serious issues to resolve."
<shawn-> who was it that liked transsexual hentai?
* sol-D raises her hand hesitantly...then quickly lowers it
* zompist didn't even know there was any transexual hentai featuring conan o'brien.
<sol-D> he has his hands in every pie, that conan
<zompist> just his hands, i hope.

<LJatwork> William Shatner weeps / Wife's cork impersonation / went a bit too far.
<spinn> I feel like haiku lines should be more disjoint
<spinn> ethereal
<spinn> like three little poems almost
<SeanQ> A long day at work / And now he must spend his night / bobbing for third wife
<spinn> heh
<spinn> can't work it
<spinn> but last line should be "set phasers to 'glub'"
<spinn> bahahah!
<spinn> good god, I'm evil today.
<SeanQ> spinnwebe creator / the ultimate narcissist / in love with his brain
<spinn> heh
<SeanQ> oh, hehe... phasers
<spinn> good god, do I rock / everything I do sucks ass / okay, I rock now
<SeanQ> god, we're gonna havethe final GTG someday in a hot corner of hell
<StanXhiao> There was an old man name of Bill/whose wife thought he was a pill/So she went for a swim/and thinking of him/With water her lungs she did fill

<StanXhiao> Lesbian poets suck.
<DMLaenker> Really? Why would they stoop to man-ness?
<StanXhiao> And lick.
<spinn> yes, becoming a lesbian removes your ability to create suction with your mouth
<StanXhiao> They like to go "bibble bibble bibble"
<DMLaenker> Hey, I just realized something:
<DMLaenker> The Kansas Board of Education is the same one as in Brown vs. BoE.
<DMLaenker> Some of the same members, even.
<SeanQ> but do they go "bibble bibble bibble"?
<mdxi> no, they go "bible bible bible"
<SeanQ>
<spinn> "so, sir, what do you have to say in support of your position?" "Well, bible bible bible."
<spinn> "Bible bible, bible bible /God/, bible Jesus on a bible, bible bible Adam and Eve, bible bible..."
<StanXhiao> "What say you, Member?" "Uh, usually just 'spurt,' Mr Chairman."

<spinn> there's this guy who's been hitting the 9ball for like the last two weeks who absolutely /needs/ to know whether he should get a sex change operation or not
<spinn> oh. today he got an eight-ball answer: "absolutely."
<spinn> I think the other ones weren't really applicable
<wabewalkr> Well, he has his answer.
<wabewalkr> Are you sure it's a "he"?
<spinn> oh, yeah, that's how I finished that conversation
<spinn> "so the guy asks the question, hits the button, sees that answer...and then from there, he got up and walked to the doctor's office"
<wabewalkr> One day you'll get sued for an answer that ruins a life, then who'll be laughing?
<spinn> oh, I'll still be laughing.
<spinn> pissed off, but laughing.
<zompist> he asked "should i ginsu the gizmo?"
<wabewalkr> Do I slice the salami?
<zompist> "do i cut where i'm chaste?"
<wabewalkr> Do I switch from convex to concave?
<Da_Raven> Do I give up meat for Lent?
<wabewalkr> Hehehe.
<wabewalkr> I give.
<zompist> yeah, well done.
<Da_Raven> Thank you, thank you...

<zompist> what's more fun? being whipped or watching "beach blanket bingo"?
<Da_Raven> Watch out, zomp, or he'll combine the two.
<MrQuestio> Beach Blanket Whipping!
<wabewalkr> "Beach Blanket Bondage!"
<LadyJeigh> zomp: can I be whipped WHILE watching beach blanket bingo?
<MrQuestio> Every time they say "Beach" you get whipped

<wabewalkr> I'm getting too giggly.
<zompist> watch out, folks, wabe's gonna blow!
* Da_Raven ducks!
* Mr_Ben runs for cover.
<wabewalkr> FFFFFFFFFFUNT!
<Mr_Ben> Oh Christ, Rob's ass has powers.
<Da_Raven> Bad mental image! Bad mental image!
<wabewalkr> Which one?
<Da_Raven> Your ass having powers.
<LadyJeigh> wabe's donkey has powers
<MrQuestio> Damn magic mules..
<Da_Raven> Worse mental image! Worse mental image!
<wabewalkr> HEE-HAW!

<MrQuestio> You DON't want to spill coffee on the Necronomicon.
<TheEnigma> What, the Necronomicon isn't a coffee drinker?
<MrQuestio> It likes tea.
<zompist> coffee and blood-- it would just be such a mess.
<MrQuestio> With only two teaspoons of suger. Any more and you're DEAD!
<TheEnigma> I figured it as a black coffee kind of evil book myself, with the possibility of a tiny bit of sugar from time to time.
<Da_Raven> C'mon, the Necronomicon doesn't have a good stain-removing spell?
<TheEnigma> What if you spill coffee on the stain-removal spell?
<zompist> i don't think the necronomicon concentrates on household cleaning.
<Da_Raven> Well, I'm not saying it wouldn't involve infant sacrifice, but still...

<Mr_Ben> "Stickbug-Man, Stickbug-Man, does whatever a stickbug can!"
<MrQuestio> DungMan! With the ability to Post to the Red Zone with no remorse!
<maime> I guess its better than a stinkbug
<wabewalkr> That wouldn't be a bad power. "Oh my God! What is that smelll.... *gag*"
<wabewalkr> Oh, yeah "Sexual Lubricant Man."
<Mr_Ben> Too Much Coffee Man?
<TheEnigma> Scrotor?
<zompist> rrrrraaaarrrrgghscrotum.
<TheEnigma> I think that "Scrotor" is a great name for a villain.
<TheEnigma> Who the GOOD guy would be, God alone knows. Captain Cock, maybe.
<MrQuestio> Look out, ButtMan, it's Scrotor!

<spinnbot> last caption: dfc 451: If you like my body, and you think I'm sexy, Darlin won't you let me know!
* wabewalkr has a deep, dark secret: he owns that CD.
* MrQuestio Gasps!
* Da_Raven is crushed.
* wabewalkr sobs.
<maime> There, there wabe.
<MrQuestio> there are 12 step programs to help
* wabewalkr says, "My name is Rob, and... and... and I own a Rod Stewart CD!"
<Da_Raven> "Hi, Rob!"

<zompist> wow, wabe, we think alike. should i kiss you or behead you?
<wabewalkr> There can be only one!
* wabewalkr chops off zompist's head
* wabewalkr relishes the Quickening
* MrQuestio oohs and ahhs at the special effects
<Samwise> The mIRCening
* zompist grows 'em on demand
<MrQuestio> Whoa, he's a MIB alien!
<wabewalkr> I didn't say WHICH head.
<Samwise> Careful, zomp...or I'll shoot you where it won't grow back.
<zompist> ha-- you'll never get past the security devices.
<Samwise> What security? Your zipper?

<Da_Raven> *The* Lore? He's fun.
<sol-D> who is *the* lore?
<spinn> I want people to say that about me when I'm not around
<spinn> what, *the* greg?
<LadyJeigh> we do say that
<LadyJeigh> just during the 9 times
<LadyJeigh> on the 10th, we say innocuous shit that gets sent to your phone
<spinn> I have actually gotten that a few times
<spinn> someone comes in, "hey, are you *the* spinn?"
<Mr_Ben> No, I'm an assistant. The *real* spinn is passed out on the floor drunk.
<LadyJeigh> kinda like those santa clauses in the mall

<wabewalkr> Now that the losers are gone, spinn can dazzle us with his intellectual dexterity.
<Da_Raven> Heh.
<spinn> I like muffins.
<Da_Raven> Back to Vichy Toast.
<wabewalkr> Whoa! Let's not hit the major controversy wall so soon.
<Da_Raven> I've been doing yoghurt for breakfast lately, for some reason.
<wabewalkr> "Doing" yoghurt?
* Da_Raven whacks wabe. :)

<zompist> well, take another case-- say, your airplane crashes.
<zompist> why not try to get it on with your seatmate?
<Da_Raven> Depends on what they look like.
<zompist> you're going to crash! you don't have time to shop around!
<zompist> it's not a meat market. at least, not till you hit the andes.
<spinn> and getting a reasonable boner is probably gonna take a little concentration too
<MrQuestio> I think survival instinct kicking in has an adverse effect on thoughts of sex
<Da_Raven> Hey, if the choice is between my hand and a troglodyte, I'll take the last-minute hand action.
<zompist> if your plane is crashing, your survival instinct can't do squat.
<spinn> if my plane is crashing, I'm not, like, sucking on the oxygen mask and thinking, say, she's cute
<wabewalkr> People have done stranger things in stressful situations.
<zompist> the situation offers some ready-made pickup lines, even. "here, let me help you with that." "you look good in an oxygen mask." "ever been in the mile-high-and-dropping club?"

<wabewalkr> I doubt many chastity belts stayed on... as soon as the horse was out of earshot, boom! party time with the local locksmith.
<spinn> put a chastity belt on your wummun, you figure, great, she's safe, go off to war for a couple years
<spinn> which only gives her like, ample time to work the thing out
<spinn> what else is she gonna do?
<spinn> hm, I could look wistfully across the moors
<wabewalkr> Pine.
<spinn> maybe get a start on that tapestry
<spinn> oh! I know, bend a hairpin and bof several stable boys until they're blind

<zompist> well, this is the problem with the middle ages. 1) smelly chastity belts. 2) no fig newtons. 3) no internet.
<Samwise> What about the occasional invasion force putting an arrow through your head?
<zompist> and to make an animated cartoon, you had to draw it on parchment and have your minions flip them.
<zompist> of course, in 500 years they're going to be going to the "20th century mall".
<wabewalkr> On the plus side, you didn't have to deal with the horror of Microsoft on a day-to-day basis.
<zompist> yeah, i think ms-dos was just 1-bit then.
<wabewalkr> And, of course, everyone will be dressed up as a CEO.
<MrQuestio> Just wait until Bill finishes his new 'Windows 1295'
<zompist> everyone will have been bill gates, hitler, or marilyn monroe in their former lives.

*** Ravyn is now known as Da_Raven
<wabewalkr> I think "Ravyn" sounds like an SCA personality.
<Da_Raven> My SCA personality is Sarah, actually. :)
<wabewalkr> How... quaint.
<wabewalkr> I prefer "d'Arc Ravyn, Mistress of the Night."
<zompist> but sarah is actually merely the secret identity for "Ye Hydden Terrour of the Loomes"!

* zompist doesn't much care for the word 'cock'.
<Wabewalkr> Prick?
<Mr_Ben> Rooster?
<Wabewalkr> Dork?
<zompist> nah. a college friend suggested 'frond'.
<zompist> as in, 'absence makes the frond grow harder.'
<Wabewalkr> Would make some church services uproarious.
<Mr_Ben> It sure would.
<SeanQ> how they laid fronds on the ground as Jesus entered Jerusalem
<Wabewalkr> "And he beat them with a frond!" *snicker*
<SeanQ> so the ass could walk over them

<SeanQ> "and the angel Gabriel didst blow his Holy load into the virgin Mary, and lo, she was with child."
<MisterQ> They must have edited that part. I probably read, 'Gabriel came into Mary again and again. 'Oh yes', she screamed, 'Thy lord has truly made you magnificent'" and so on...
* SeanQ confirms his reservation in the hottest corner of Hades
<SeanQ> one... smoking
<Mr_Ben> "...and the angel Gabrial didst trippeth his nutsak unto the virgin Mary and lo, she was with child."
<Wabewalkr> It's all smoking.
<MisterQ> I'm sure they'll have a succubus reserved just for you.
<SeanQ> wonder if her tongue will be pierced...
<Wabewalkr> Everything will be pierced.

* Da_Raven chuckles. The weather on the news always goes north or south of me.
<zompist> raven's a witch! raven's a witch!
<Samwise> may we burn 'er?
<Da_Raven> I weigh as much as a duck.
<zompist> we have to see if she floats, first.
<Samwise> Very small rocks...
<Mr_Ben> "What's the difference between a duck?"
<MisterQ> I think you have to integrate the duck to get that answer
<Samwise> Ewww...you can get nasty diseases that way...
<Wabewalkr> Are ducks continuous?
<MisterQ> That all depends on the dirivitave of a duck
<zompist> ducks no, but around here geese are.

<K8_Fan> zompist: Don't you want to work work with a bunch of bitter old farts?
<zompist> i don't know what'd be worse-- working with old farts who are bitter 'cos they didn't get into PCs twenty years ago, or working with old farts who like cobol.
<K8_Fan> "You young punks don't know anything about programming!" (Grumble...sound of dentures popping out...)
<wabewalkr> Real men like vt100 terminals!
<K8_Fan> The reek of punch-card chad and Metamuscal.
<Samwise> Back in my day, we didn't have all these fancy *letters* and *symbols*...we used ones and zeores, and we liked it!
<wabewalkr> Back in my day, we punched in operating systems on a front panel!
<K8_Fan> Front panel? Luxury!
<zompist> back in my day, we built our own computers out of gears, wire, and bubble gum.
<K8_Fan> *We* used to have to enter all the data by shorting two wires together...and we were *thankful*!
<Da_Raven> Don't make me pull out the "banging two rocks together" card....
<wabewalkr> Well, we didn't have any machines to speak of, we had to bang two... damn, she's quick.,
<K8_Fan> Rocks? We used to *dream* of rocks!
<Samwise> The best we could manage was to line people up and stand or sit down.

<zompist> it's a mad night of refraining here on #spinnwebe.
<Samwise> Pshaw. I refrain from refraining.
<Da_Raven> A veritable refraining frenzy.
*** wabewalkr (rgm@dynamic18.pm01.mv.best.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<wabewalkr> Didn't realize I had disconnected.
<zompist> you missed the Great Refraining Frenzy of 1999.
<Da_Raven> We all refrained while you were gone. A *lot*.
<Mr_Ben> We were refraining from refraining at one point.
<spinn> we refrained the /hell/ outta this place!
<Da_Raven> Refraining to the left of us, refraining to the right of us!

<Samwise> I'll send the roo if anyone needs it...?
<zompist> i hope you haven't been looking at it all day, sam.
<Samwise> Nooooooo...
<Samwise> Not all day....
<wabewalkr> It's my wallpaper...
<zompist> does it work in keeping the boss away?
<wabewalkr> One could only wish...
<wabewalkr> I depend on a surly attitude for that.

<Da_Raven> There's this guy in Goo Goo Dolls on Loveline that reminds me of spinn somehow....
<wabewalkr> Attitude or appearance?
<Da_Raven> Um, a little of both, although it's just a whiff of spinn.
<Da_Raven> Sounds like a fragrance. "Whiff of Spinn"....
<DMLaenker> Wait - Whiff of Spinn?
<DMLaenker> What would the ad be?
<Da_Raven> I have a feeling we're heading down Bad Mental Image Lane....

<TheEnigma> And I swear to God
<TheEnigma> If one more perky girl pokes me in the bellybutton and grins and giggles and says "laugh!"
<TheEnigma> I will beat her to death with the nearest blunt object.
<Da_Raven> Hey, you have perky girls touching you. That's one up on most guys.
<wabewalkr> Just say, "Lower."
<TheEnigma> Hahahhahhaha
<TheEnigma> I will
<wabewalkr> That'll stop them.
<TheEnigma> I'll remember that
<Da_Raven> Next time they go in for the poke, grab their wrist and rub their hand on your stomach while moaning....
<Da_Raven> Might as well freak them out.

<Mokohki> I'm a little slow. I blame the fact that I fell on my head when I was a baby
<TheEnigma> I ate those tasty paint chips
<MisterQ> I was a broken test tube baby
<Mokohki> of course, it wouldn't have happened if the doctor didn't have that whole "losing feeling in one side of his body because of too much thunderbird" problem
<TheEnigma> Sometimes, my meals would consist entirely of asbestos, mercury, and paint chips.
<MisterQ> Now all Chem lab equipment hates me
<zompist> ah, mercury. fun for the whole family.
<TheEnigma> Yeah, it really is.
<TheEnigma> Kind of like heroin.
<zompist> amuse the kids! find the temperature! get cancer!
<MisterQ> Except you can't tell the weather with heroin
<Mokohki> And don't forget LSD
<TheEnigma> Mercury is the lazy man's druglike thing.
<TheEnigma> All you have to do is soak in it
<TheEnigma> No injections
<TheEnigma> Nothing
<TheEnigma> Like Palmolive
<MisterQ> Hallucinations? You're soaking in it!

<wabewalkr> She seemed a bit confused.
<wabewalkr> People like that should be... reprocessed.
<Mokohki> Well, Actually this is my first irc channel
<Da_Raven> She worships me from a-near. Can we keep her, wabe, huh?
<wabewalkr> No, no, they still have their purpose. But a little brain surgery, and they become useful.
<MisterQ> We'll feed her and give her fresh water!
<sol-D> kids love that water
* Mokohki curls around raven's legs and purrs
<Da_Raven> We'll take her for walks and clean up after her....
<Mokohki> I'm a great companion pet!
<MisterQ> It'll be great!
<wabewalkr> Yeah, that's all I hear. Water, water, water.... geez. It comes to the point where people don't appreciate being confined to your crawlspace.

<MisterQ> Amishguy: Thy pregnant cow did explode not two days back. Thee want to discuss about it?
<K8_Fan> Prythee, that was no cow, that be my wife, Hannah!
<MisterQ> I be sorry, good sir. It be dark.
<MisterQ> Spinnwebe: the only Amish newsgroup!
*** Da_Raven changes topic to "Spinnwebe : All Amish, All the Time!"
<K8_Fan> Join #!!!!Amish_Sex
<Da_Raven> Hot Amish Nookie....
<MisterQ> Oh, yea, baby. Take off that frock!
<zompist> str8 from intercourse pa!
<Da_Raven> Ohhhh, Jebediah!
<K8_Fan> I've actually read some Amish porn.
<zompist> c'mon, baby, take it all... DAMN! DAMN THOSE PINS!
<MisterQ> How about you and me build a barn together.. in my pants
<wabewalkr> How about me churning your butter?
<zompist> hey, young maiden... we don't need any sinful modern machinery for what i've got in mind
<Da_Raven> Work that churn, wabe!
<MisterQ> Goodwife Hannah can churn butter without the use of her hands!
<MisterQ> Amish Man Condoms, for that private barn raisin'

<spinnbot> last caption: iadl 476: Grandma Keane takes a much needed vacation, antiquing in Cape May.
<StanXhiao> huh
<StanXhiao> That's where you like to antique, isn't it, spinn?
<spinn> yes, lat time I snached up a darling armoir
<StanXhiao> Do you prefer Cape May or North Cape May?
<spinn> north cape may. there's more gay bar action there
<spinn> I didn't know there was a north cape may.
<StanXhiao> Yeah, there is
<spinn> huh
<SeanQ> figures, braid-boy
<spinn> I feel pretty...oh so pretty...
<StanXhiao> I remember many old people sitting on benches outside of storefronts
<kaufman> and the underwater city of South Cape May
<spinn> The Lost City of South Cape May
<StanXhiao> That would be East Cape May
<spinn> rumored to be the final resting place of colonial furniture and timeshare summer homes
<kaufman> that and West Cape May too.

* DMLaenker is *enlightened* now.
<DMLaenker> Of course, we must remember too much enlightenment prompts a trip to the restroom.
<kaufman> or a whack from the Zen Master
<kaufman> A third less calories than your regular enment.
<DMLaenker> Actually, the grammatically correct term for that is "enlitenment".
<kaufman> Someone trademarked Enenment Lite.
<Da_Raven> Eeeew. That sounds icky.
<Da_Raven> Enenment Lite... Like a sassier enema.

<DMLaenker> Can somebody explain the reasoning behind the title of "Safety Dance"?
<DMLaenker> Still - just WHAT does that dance have to do with safety?
<wabewalkr> That was the '80s, son. After "The B-52's" nothing made sense.
<Da_Raven> Yah, the 80's made no sense.
<DMLaenker> It's like Margaret Cho says... it was an 867-5309 *time*.
<Da_Raven> When Mickey was so fine...
<wabewalkr> And you just couldn't help but turn Japanese.

<spinn> I'm not actually trying to market the sandwich
<JesEJames> Why not? The spinn-Wich
<JesEJames> Of course, rapid rotation is not something people want to think about while they eat
<JesEJames> Well, you could angle it that way...."The spinnWich! Can you keep it down?!?!?"
<spinn> oh. yeah. make a sandwich with a deal like that. have it in restaurants like the 48-oz steak you have to eat
<JesEJames> My uncle went to a place with a 56oz steak and ate two
<JesEJames> They put his picture on the wall
<spinn> make it convenient to identify him at the morgue, I suppose
<spinn> probably want to have some sort of phyical record

<wabewalkr> ZOMP!
<wabewalkr> Guess what?
<wabewalkr> I finally did Raven.
<Da_Raven> Heheheh...
<wabewalkr> Er, I finally did Raven's Bear Test.
<Da_Raven> And it was the best I ever had...
<wabewalkr> Sheesh.
<zompist> suuuuure, that's what you meant.
<wabewalkr> Well, sure.
<zompist> and it was the best flowing water you ever saw.
<wabewalkr> Heh, yeah, it was major torrent time.

<TMR> Is it time for the porn harvest again, shawn?
<sol-D> goin out into the field on your tractor, time to harvest the porn
<mdxi> Aye, tha pahrn is a-gettin' ripe. Time fer tha' hahrvest.
<sol-D> when the porn is as high as an elephants eye... that's amore
<TMR> From the fine porn vineyards of the world.
<sol-D> when your friends fiendishly view and they're smiling at you, you're in love
<TMR> Ay, come on in for some wholesome parn!
<sol-D> when you download, and you know you're downloading pics of a seniora...

<TMR> Honestly! You gather all sorts of money and all you do is sit on it?
<TieBoy> Comfy
<TMR> Just like a dragon.
<sol-D> Oh yes, this is the only type of chair i can use that doesn't catch on fire...
<TMR> Try some Beano, sol.
<sol-D> no, no, I was thinking more like a fiery aura or something cooler...
<sol-D> you ruined my wonderful mental image, TMR
<TMR> You're welcome.

<zompist> say, what happened to wabe?
<wabewalkr> Still looking for that *$&^& adapter
<zompist> the cats hid it. they resented that gay joke.
<wabewalkr> I'm looking for it online. I don't own one... yet. Are you saying a worldwide conspiracy of technosavvy cats are responsible for me not finding one anywhere?
<zompist> you don't find that plausible?
<wabewalkr> I think cats would be too lazy to form a worldwide conspiracy.
<Da_Raven> Yeah. ALthough Nicky just gave me a really evil look when I typed that,
<zompist> they can do it telepathically.
* Da_Raven tells Nicky to tell Katrina to let wabe find his adapter.
<wabewalkr> Katrina is snoozing in the laundry hamper
<Da_Raven> Or so you think...

<LordJ> well, I was reassigned to this gender for a dare
<zompist> spit a lot.
<zompist> talk about trucks.
<zompist> leave the toilet seat up. am i missing anything?
<wabewalkr> Whine incessantly.
<zompist> about women.
<Da_Raven> Forget holidays, especially romantic ones.
<wabewalkr> Go immediately to sleep after sex.
<Da_Raven> Don't buy the cow; just get the milk for free.
<wabewalkr> Never let your meat loaf.
<zompist> discreetly try on your wife's panties.
<wabewalkr> Masturbate compulsively.

<Da_Raven> G'night, wabeness.
<MisterQ> a phallic delight
*** wabewalkr has quit IRC (zzzzzzzz)
<zompist> wabeness is a phallic delight?
<Da_Raven> I like to think of him that way....
* Da_Raven looks around. Sorry, did I say that aloud?
<zompist> well, it'd be a bit weird if you thought of him as a delight in flouncy dresses.
<Da_Raven> Hey, I'm not ruling that out - I'm a flexible gal.
<sol-D> not that he isn't spectacularly DELIGHTFUL in his spring collection...
<zompist> lacy, frilly, and yet oh so masculine!
<zompist> attend that chic party... or go deep-water angling... it's just that versatile!

<zompist> why "the lion king"?
<spinn> sounds like on onion poll
<spinn> 23%: feelings of guilt for not giving disney enough money
<zompist> 16%: "cats" sounded too avant-garde.
<spinn> 13%: animated version too contrived: looking for the realistic talking lions only the stage can provide
<zompist> 7%: heard that keanu really wasn't too bad in it.
<spinn> 12%: heard "phantom of the opera" was "too deep"
<zompist> 4%: chased by mugger; stage door was open

<spinn> OKAY
<spinn> WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES TOOK THE PSYCHIC THEL CAPTION
<spinn> HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL
<zompist> don't recall the thel one. but of course, since raven and i are here, it was craig.
<spinn> ASSHOLE
<spinn> THAT'S IT, GET THE SHIV
<Da_Raven> Er, yeah, what um... zomp said....

<wabewalkr> Hey, Raven, do you know what the collective name for a group of ravens is?
<zompist> a corvinarchy?
<kaufman> crows are murders
<zompist> an oing of ravens?
<wabewalkr> It is an unkindness of ravens.
<wabewalkr> No, that's an oing of melons.
<zompist> i'd like to know if the ravenonomers really use that word.
<wabewalkr> ravenologists?
<Da_Raven> ravenographers.
<zompist> that was before they really understood the laws of ravens.

<Elkman> How much crash space is available, anyway? It's not like you guys saved up an entire hotel, is it?
<Mr_Ben> We're building one in St. Charles.
<MisterQ> raising a barn?
<Mr_Ben> SpinnWebe-Ramada Inn.
<sol-D> t'is a fine barn, but t'isn't no pool...
<TMR> It's going to be called... Hotel Spinn.
<zompist> yeah, the amish spinoffs are helping.
<hockeyfag> "its a disfunctional buggy"
<Mr_Ben> They'll finish it in...about sixty years.
<maime> I saw Amish people at the grocery store in the middle of the night on vacation.
<sol-D> i saw them at a taco bell
<maime> The Amish like Taco Bell?
<Trainman> Amish or Mennonite?

<MisterQ> You sunk my battleship! Well you set my kitten on Fire! Ha ha ha! KITTENS! ON FIRE!!, the home game!
<shawn-> Hey! You ignited my tabby!
<shawn-> You lit my tortoiseshell!
<shawn-> YOU SANK MY SCOTTICH FOLD!
<DocEvil> You immolated my siamese!
<shawn-> You carbonized my Russian Blue!
<sol-D> you defenestrated my terra-cotta plant holding device!
<LadyJ> you pierced my pussy?
<LadyJ> my anatomy isn't right for most of those piercings
<TheEnigma> God, not again.
<TheEnigma> DON'T ASK WHY!
<TheEnigma> PLEASE
<TheEnigma> NONE OF YOU ASK WHY

* TheEnigma weeps
<TMR> The shortest line in the #spinnwebe bible.
<zompist> no.
<TheEnigma> We have a bible?
<wabewalkr> "YOU FUCKER" is. Spinns 6:22.
<zompist> what about "z"?
<wabewalkr> Oh, I forgot about "z"
<TheEnigma> What about that blank line in Nutsak 4:13?

* TMR throws LadyJ a dozen orgasms
<TheEnigma> Oh dear.
* LadyJ can't handle more than one at a time
<TMR> You don't have to use them all at once, LadyJ.
* LadyJ saves a few for slow times at work tomorrow
<wabewalkr> You're lucky. My company has a strict "No-Orgasms-on-the-job" policy.
<Nate-O> We can orgasm...we just have to be off the clok
<Da_Raven> Do they start to wonder when you clock in and out a lot?
<TheEnigma> "Where you going, Smith?"
<TheEnigma> "Orgasm break, boss."
<TMR> It's like kindergarten class... as long as you brought enough orgasms for the whole class, it's ok.
<TheEnigma> "Shit....again? This is the tenth one today!"
<TheEnigma> "I know. I have the stamina of a 21-year old, boss."
<Nate-O> "I have needs, sir."

<TMR> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK!!!!
<kaufman> bawk bawk bawk.
<TheEnigma> Eh?
* TMR whacks the gong with a wing, failing to make a sound
<Da_Raven> Hey, Enigma.
<TheEnigma> Oh God.
* kaufman pecks at the gong, misses horribly
<TheEnigma> They've turned into chickens.
<TheEnigma> RAVEN! What have you DONE to them?
<TMR> Bawk!
<Da_Raven> Bwahahahahaha!
<TheEnigma> I gave you that spellbook under the condition that you WOULDN'T TURN PEOPLE INTO OTHER THINGS!
* TheEnigma sighs
* Da_Raven rubs her hands together. "Soon, you will *all* be birds!"
<TheEnigma> I can't give you ANYTHING, Raven.
<TMR> Bawk, I say!

<zompist> greg, your 25-pound coat alone makes you fucking cool. so don't sweat a caption.
<wabewalkr> 25 lb coat? Of what? Mail?
<spinn> by the way, it's actually 15 pounds
<spinn> the light one is only 11 pounds
<spinn> no, my german officer's coat
<zompist> it still has a german officer inside.
<spinn> completely rocks for chicago winter
<wabewalkr> But not Russian winter.
<spinn> it's only unsuitable for those days on which spit will freeze before it hits the ground
<spinn> oh, yeah. blaque used to say it was from "the russion front collection".

<TheEnigma> It's Random Nudity Hour.
<TMR> It's NAKED TIME!!!!
<DMLaenker> Yay!!!
<DMLaenker> Wait - it's only six in Honolulu.
<TheEnigma> No way am I getting naked.
<TMR> Too bad you can't see me in this refrigerated lizard suit...
<TheEnigma> I....I.....I'll be in my concrete bunker if you need me.

<TMR> That's a crime against humanity, isn't it?
<TheEnigma> I believe so, yes.
<TheEnigma> But so are the Teletubbies.
<TMR> Especially that giant flaming baby head for a sun.
<TheEnigma> They should be consumed alive by wolverines.
<TheEnigma> If I were the Supreme Ruler of Earth, I'd see to that first thing.
<TMR> Or have a new black Teletubby that plays Marilyn Manson videos on it's tum-screen and poisons the tubby tustard.
<TheEnigma> That might work, too.
<TheEnigma> Personally, I've found that wolverines really suffice in 95% of all Really Nasty Jobs.
<TMR> The antenna on its head would look like a fist with the middle finger standing up.

[ The heartbreak of net splits... ]
<maimes> Zomp is gone
<JesEJames> Gasp!
* Da_Raven sobs.
<Da_Raven> Zomp is never gone, as long as we have him in our hearts...
<maimes> Alas poor zomp...
<Da_Raven> ...I knew him, maime-acio.
*** zompist (Horselover@SLIP5A-10.DIALIN.UIC.EDU) has joined #spinnwebe
<Da_Raven> ZOMP!
<zompist> howdy again.
* Da_Raven tackles zomp with a hug. "We thought you left us!"

<zompist> hmm, says here the percentage of americans who have a personal computer is 42%. only 24% have a modem, though.
<zompist> it's a factoid in the magazine our 401k program sends us.
<wabewalkr> Factoids are useless-- fun but useless.
<spinn> 73% of americans under the age of 35 agree
<zompist> nah, i use them to advance my plan for world domination.
<zompist> i'd like to know how many people have modems but don't know that they do, however.
<wabewalkr> 98% of the world believes zompist should have absolute power.

<Aadroma> The Game of Life? God I hate that game ... we got a handmedown version, so all the peg children would get stuck in the car ... when you'd try pulling them out, they'd snap. Thus, when you bought a car, you got half a kid free ... you literally COULD have 2.5 kids ^_^
<JesEJames> The OLD game of Life was cool, you got to sell your kids for $25K at the end
<JesEJames> Now, you don't get crap for them
<wabewalkr> You can't sell your kids?
<wabewalkr> That sucks.
<Aadroma> My brother kept repeatedly getting kids, somehow; he explained it as him being a Columbian drug lord. -_-
<Da_Raven> You should have been able to sell your kids on the black market....

<maime> IS that the appropriate word? "captioneer"
<spinn> captioner, probably
<spinn> captioneer sounds like, um, somebody who rides captions in the desert
<maime> somebody who rides captions in the desert is probably a closer description, if you ask me.
<Da_Raven> Riding the dysfunctional landscape....
<maime> Exactly... Adventurers, Explorers and captioneers.

<spinn> man, I really want pizza.
<DMLaenker> You're making me want pizza now...
<spinn> oh good
<spinn> we're gonna get in this increasing pizza feedback loop
<Da_Raven> And pizza sales go up across the nation...
<spinn> until there's nothing but a high-pitched squeal

<MisterQ> maxi pads have wings... and they're grat for soaking up spill... or is that bounty tissues. I always get those femine commercials mixed up.
<maime> I really really hate those commercials.
<TheEnigma> Suddenly, I don't feel very fresh.
<TMR> They have wings?
<TheEnigma> I think I'll go down to the beach and have a talk with my mom.
<TMR> You don't want them flying away, do you?
<maime> Nope thats why they have that double sided tape stuff on the back.
* MisterQ pictures explorers capturing flying maxipads in South American rainforests
<TMR> Dear God, Puddleworth! Is that the rare spotted Stay-Free?
<maime> with dry-weave!

<zompist> "Suprisingly honest."
<spinn> this was the top of my resume:
<spinn> "Technology. Creativity. Kitchen sink (w/add'l fee)."
<wabewalkr> When stupid Anderson Consulting kept after me, I sent them a resume with 'OBJECTIVE: Total World Domination' as the first line. It, unfortunately, didn't scare them.
<spinn> [maniacal laugh track]
<spinn> hehehehe
<zompist> i like a resume with humor... most of them are soul-deadening to read.
<spinn> "a real go-getter!"
<spinn> "on the fast track to world domination!"

<maime> Dodgedart from the other night and I used to always make a channel called #garbagesex
<maime> we just wanted to see who would join a channel with a name like that.
<maime> or #dumpstersex
<maime> I'm sharing too much now.
<zompist> and who did?
<maime> Strange people.
<spinn> well, you probably just gotta put "sex" in the channel somewhere
<maime> Right that's what we found out.
<Da_Raven> People who were glad to finally have a forum to talk about their love of nookie in trash?

<zompist> whoa. what's lambdaMOO??
<Da_Raven> It's a MUD - a multi-user text-adventure type thing.
<wabewalkr> Why lambdaMOO?
<zompist> right, but why lambda? is it for lesbians?
<Da_Raven> Er, no idea.
<wabewalkr> Mmmmm... lesbians.
<wabewalkr> I could go on and see if I want to ask anyone for a date.
<zompist> "eeeeewww! men in the lambdamoo! men in the lambdamoo!"
<zompist> oh wait, that's sororities.

<Da_Raven> Would you be her Sporty Spice? :)
<wabewalkr> Which spice is that? I really don't know.
<zompist> the one with a purple triangle on the head?
<wabewalkr> the one with the voice like Kathleen Turner's?
<Da_Raven> The only one that could sing worth a damn.
<wabewalkr> I'm serious. I wouldn't know the Spice girls if I met them on the street.
<zompist> because they're straight.
<wabewalkr> Well, yeah.

<DodgeDart> i'm just enough in a stupor to want taco bell.
<rjm> make a run for the border...it's only 60 miles from here!
<DodgeDart> the bell is only about 500 feet from here. the border, however, is about 3000 miles.
<DodgeDart> the bell is the economical choice, though i really do want a switchblade.
<rjm> why, to rob the bell with?
<DodgeDart> no, just to be a badass with.
<DodgeDart> like if some guy messes with my chick, i'll scar him up.
<rjm> you can buy chicks at taco bell?
<DodgeDart> yeah
<DodgeDart> they're pretty hawt.
<DodgeDart> i go 'Hey fruitylips. Come on home with me, Sugarbutt."
<rjm> Yo quiero el pollo
<DodgeDart> and i keep cereal in my pocket to feed `em.

<wabewalkr> Did you know that Dorthy and Toto were symbolizing lesbian relationships?
<Da_Raven> Lesbians keep their lovers in baskets?
<LadyJeigh> I know I do.
<spinn> z
<spinn> damnit
<wabewalkr> We're boring spinn.
<wabewalkr> He's snoring.
<Da_Raven> Not even interesting enough for multiple Z's.
<Da_Raven> If you're really boring, do you get Y's?

<Da_Raven> People galore tonight....
<nutsak> more people than you can shake a pointed stick at
<Da_Raven> But better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!
<wabewalkr> You could put someone's eye out with a sharp stick.
<Da_Raven> "You'll shoot your eye out!"
<wabewalkr> And we all know: it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.
<nutsak> what if they attacked you with a pointed stick?
<wabewalkr> Hit them with a two-ton weight, of course.
<wabewalkr> Or a banana.

<maime> I already know the magic words to leave work early.
<wabewalkr> No, make gagging noises and leave a little around the toilet rim.
<maime> they include "that time of the month"
<SeanQ> doesn't work nearly as well for me...
<wabewalkr> Mine are, "I'm leaving work early. If you have an issue with that, I'll quit."
<wabewalkr> I like the strong job market for engineers.

<MisterQ> yep, $25K will make you an official member of the spinn fanclub
<spinn_> oh, you want fanclub membership? that's $35K
<kaufman> super-ultra-membership for $75K
<MisterQ> but you get your own decoder ring!
<kaufman> and d-zone code book
<spinn_> oh, for $100K I'll fly there and screw you
<MisterQ> just like in Michael Jackson's fanclub
<maime> So you're saying I need to pay someone $100K to get laid?
<spinn_> and for an additional $14.95 I'll throw in 2 8x10 glossies, 4 5x7s, and 12 wallet size
<spinn_> no, not someone
<spinn_> just me
<kaufman> spinn: give /me/ $100K and I /won't/ fly there and screw you
<maime> Oh YOU

<MisterQ> The guidance counceler's computer told me I should either be a Rabbi, a military officer, or an architect.
<TheEnigma> Um.
<MisterQ> I wish I knew how to crack the code.
<TheEnigma> Mine was just as ludicrous.
<TheEnigma> I think mine said I should be a dancer.
<sol-D> rabbi?!
<MisterQ> "Hello Johnny. Your perfect carreer is: Housewife or Evil Mastermind"
<TheEnigma> Which at 5'8" and 230 pounds.....well.....um.
<TheEnigma> You do the math.
<sol-D> you could have been an ass-kicking rabbi
<MisterQ> Damn straight!
<TheEnigma> oh yeah. "Magician" was one of mine.
<MisterQ> I would have walked around with a guitar and played ZZTop songs.
<TheEnigma> I could be a dancing magician.
<MisterQ> You're a magic dancer!

<zompist> well, i empathize with the members of the band who are left when the superstar decides he wants to "move on".
<Mr_Ben> Like David Lee Roth and Van Halen.
<Mr_Ben> But wait...that's not exactly a good example, since they both were huge successfully for a long time after the split...
<Mr_Ben> "Huge successfully"? Weird. That sounded normal when I thought it as I was typing...
<maime> I wouldn't put David Lee Roth in the "huge successfully" category.
<maime> He had one album.
<Mr_Ben> Well, two albums, an EP, then he was on Vegas.
<maime> second album and Vegas flopped though right?
<Mr_Ben> Then the two "reunion" songs, and he went back to his obscure self-named DLR Band.
<maime> hair can only replace talent for so long.

<DMLaenker> An author I invented - he's supposed to be the Aphrodesian master - is Burgess Gashlycrumb.
<DMLaenker> Guess where the two names came from?
<maime> Hrm. I wonder
<Da_Raven> Gosh, I can't imagine!
<zompist> virginia's house of burgesses?
<Da_Raven> Burgess Hot Dogs?
<DMLaenker> And the last name's literally pronounced GAZH-LL-KROOM
<DMLaenker> Anthony Burgess.
<Da_Raven> Burgess R Us?
<zompist> Absolutely Burgeulous
<maime> Burgess World?
<Da_Raven> Burgessfest?

<wabewalkr> Hello zompist, welcome to #spinnwebe
<zompist> are you channeling spinnbot, wabe?
<wabewalkr> Macros.
* wabewalkr greets Da_Raven, hockeyfag, maime, spinnbot and zompist!
<maime> for some reason I thought that said spinnbutt
<zompist> speaking of spinnbutt...
<zompist> !seen spinn
<spinnbot> zompist, I last saw spinn in this channel ("whoohoo!") 5 days, 12 hours, 12 minutes ago
<zompist> if the evil triads have captured spinn, we must hunt them down to the ends of the earth!
<wabewalkr> But the earth is round... there's no end.
<zompist> we will make ends if we have to!
<Da_Raven> This is the earth that has no end, it just goes on and on, my friend.
* zompist has been watching a martial arts flick.
<wabewalkr> "Your spinn-fu is strong!" "Ha! I am quick and agile of foot!" "Your mouth will bleed the blood of your ancestors!" "Ha!" "Ha!"
<zompist> "Ha!" "Ugh!" "Urk!" "Hai!" "Hak!" "Hurgh!" "Uh!"

<maime> someone gave me a darth maul highlighter for my birthday. I think it was my second best present.
<zompist> highlights text in black?
<MisterQ> don't worry maime. We'll find you another dark lord in black leather with spooky powers
<zompist> spinn?
<MisterQ> Well, he does have that evil dark wrath
<MisterQ> SWF seeking mysterious stranger with mental powers. Must like black leather, toys, and ability to remember a birthday.
<zompist> and look like conan o'brien.
<zompist> whoops, no, that's sol-d.

<MisterQ> Must be satan in the wiring again
<sol-D> you should call an exterminator
<MisterQ> I just sprayed some Evil Off: Heaven fresh scent in the room
<sol-D> Yeah, but that's only a temporary fix...
<MisterQ> Maybe I should have Satan fight the Orkin man
<zompist> orkin skywalker?
<sol-D> You should get the evil-off plug ins. They last for 6 months, and there are very little occurenses of homes burning down..

<maime> I think you should let me guest edit since I've never got once caption
<wabewalkr> Just wait until Raven burns out... hehehe
<Da_Raven> THanks for the support, wabe....
<wabewalkr> You can take it.
<wabewalkr> OK, how about 'Wait until Mark burns out...'
<maime> I'm waiting my time will come.
<Da_Raven> I dont burn out so much as take to a tower with a high-powered rifle... :)

<wabewalkr> 99.44% of all computer security is common sense.
<spinn> and moisturizing!
<Da_Raven> Which is non-existant in 99.999% of the population that has joined the Internet since, say, '92...
<Da_Raven> Common sense, not moisturizing. That I know of.
<spinn> yeah, I think there's some kind of task force there.
<spinn> I think IEEE was working on a moisturizing standard
<spinn> but I heard sun was going to take it and do business development on it quicker

<Heath> I'm sure there _are_ French palindromes, but I'm not aware of any.
<spinn> they'd all have to do with spittle and croissants, anyway
<wabewalkr> Don't forget snails.
<maime> and berets.
<kaufman> & Jerry Lewis
<SeanQ> and general lack of hygiene
<Da_Raven> Don't snails fall under the phlegm/spittle clause?
<maime> and hair in all the wrong places.
<Heath> What are little girls made of?
<Heath> "Snails and berets and general lack of hygeine. That's what little girls are made of."
<SeanQ> French girls, anyway
<maime> Oui oui

<maime> I'm trying to buy Star Wars toys at Etoys
<maime> I want the ones with the Comm Chips
<MisterQ> Maybe I should go see the movie, huh?
<maime> You wouldn't have to if you had all the toys that talk to each other.
<MisterQ> Reinact the whole movie from the privacy of your home, heh?
<maime> Yeah. They have chips that you put on the comm reader and some of them interact.
<MisterQ> I think that's how lucas made this one. He just bought all the toys that move and talk and had them play it out. Not even he knew how it was going to end.
<MisterQ> I want to get the George Lucas doll. It'll tell the camera crew dolls where to place the boom mikes.

<Da_Raven> Did we tell you we've decorated the channel? We have furniture now.
*** wabewalkr changes topic to 'Our porno collection grows larger each day!'
<maime> EH. we have boxes of that crap in the basement.
<wabewalkr> Geez, why can't I live in a building with boxes of porno tapes in the basement?
<zompist> are you sure you don't?
<maime> Stop by and I'll give you a couple.
<Da_Raven> The Spinnwebe "Porn Across America" program.
<wabewalkr> I don't have a basement!
<maime> There's gotta be some hot girl on girl action in there somewhere.

<maime> I want to go to 7-11
<MrQuestio> what's at 7-11?
<maime> I need a big gulp sized slurpee
* MrQuestio says 'tank you, come again'
<maime> It wouldnt be strange to call and ask what flavors they have would it?
<MrQuestio> Keep asking if thay had made up flavors and sound upset when they say no.
<maime> Who the hell ever heard of a Coke Slurpee. You're out of your mind. Let me talk to the manager.
<MrQuestio> Do you have tuna slurpies? No? But you said you had them last week?

<zompist> interesting... life on mars is a bit passé. how often do the insane update their references?
<zompist> in the cartoons, crazy people think they're napoleon, but i suspect cartoonists lag behind the insane, who lage behind reality.
<Da_Raven> You'd hope they'd be getting more original by no.
<MisterQ> And to think it all could have been prevented with some tin foil hats
<MisterQ> .......and straight jackets
<zompist> or maybe a new angle cereal bowl.
<TheEnigma> Or mass killings.

<wabewalkr> Super Dance Pocky Dildo.
<Samwise> Don't knock the Pocky. I lived on that stuff.
<Samwise> Somewhere, I have a box of the strawberry ones.
<Samwise> "Pocky"...it's Japanese candy-cookie things.
<Da_Raven> Oh, good. I got a mental image of strawberry dildos....
<zompist> good, and good for you!
<Samwise> Well, they *are* about the size & shape of pencils...
<zompist> sometimes a pocky is just a pocky.
<MisterQ> and sometimes it means you arn't gettin enough

<spinn> "at a party, do you:
<spinn> "wait to be approached
<spinn> "strike up conversations"
<spinn> yes, and yes.
<zompist> "drop your pants and start singing"
<spinn> ...and yes.
<zompist> "collapse in the corner in an inebriated heap"
<Da_Raven> "stand in a corner and glare at everyone who approaches"
<zompist> "buttonhole anyone who comes near and intone about ayn rand"
<Da_Raven> "show people your appendix scar"
<zompist> "at the buffer table, ask the host for a bag"

<wabewalkr> I've always wanted to be a high-profile international terrorist.
<zompist> it beats being a piddling little three-county terrorist.
<Da_Raven> But there's something to be said for the invisible, Death-from-the-Shadows terrorist.
<wabewalkr> I want to do the big things, like toppling the Eiffel Tower, or stealing the crown jewels.
<maime> Terrorism pays well, but the benefits are bad.
<maime> They don't even have workers comp
<wabewalkr> My point.

<Photon> So I can make people go to hell by kicking them in the nuts?
<Da_Raven> Apparently so.
<Da_Raven> And if a woman interrupts a fight by grabbing one of the men by the nuts, I think they can cut off her hand... Makes you wonder how many fights were broken up by testicular pressure before *that* little law made the books....
<Photon> It had to be a pretty common occurrence to make it a law
<zompist> anguished editorials were written.
<zompist> "The stones-grabbing epidemic. How long must we put up with it?"
<Da_Raven> "Poor Ezekiel may never walk right again..."
<Da_Raven> You gotta feel sorry for the poster boy.

<spinn> gonna see if I can hold my hair on my head through sheer force of will
<SeanQ> oh yeah? i'm gonna use telekinesis to make it fall out in clumps.
<SeanQ> how'm i doing?
<spinn> uh
<spinn> well, let's say you're sorta working
<spinn> and, maybe you have some issues
<SeanQ> goosebumps yet?
<spinn> no, hair's falling out
<spinn> but it's not on my head
<spinn> dunno what the hell you're thinking about
<Da_Raven> Too much information, spinn...
<wabewalkr> That's disgusting...
<spinn> hey! he's the one who's doing it

<wabewalkr> Time to drag out the ol' "Dark Bible."
<kaufman> Teletubbies 4:21
<Da_Raven> I thought they were on at 3:00?
<kaufman> You're in the Central Time Zone
<Da_Raven> Ohhhh.
<Heath> Is that the verse after the one where they all smoke pot and listen to the Dead?

<wabewalkr> What is the masculine equivalent of "ballerina"?
<zompist> ballerino.
<Da_Raven> Barbarino?
<kaufman> Barbarella?
<wabewalkr> Barbarella.
<wabewalkr> Jinx.
<Heath> I object. "masculine equivalent of 'ballerina'" is kind of oxymoronic.
<kaufman> Fine. Ballerina with testes
<Heath> "What's the tasteful equivalent of coprophagy?"
<zompist> wendy's.
<Da_Raven> Poop with sprinkles?
* wabewalkr laughs
<Heath> Jinx again!
<wabewalkr> balletomane is a person who likes ballet.
<kaufman> Balleptomaine is what happens to a coprophagic ballerina.

<spinn> if people want a red zone, I'll write a script to generate them
<vagueblur> like one of those charts they put in kid magazines for movie titles and band names..."the giant...brain eating...toilet...screaming..spoon"
<spinn> "who is in this cartoon? [ ] billy [ ] mommy [ ] daddy [ ] stranger [ ] kittycat ..."
<spinn> night, day, inside, outside
<spinn> any prominent features? _____ ______ _____
<Da_Raven> "What is your best guess concerning the unidentifiable object?"
<spinn> the psychic [television] stalked [billy] and [mommy]. its time would come.
<vagueblur> mispelling of favorite curse word:
<spinn> [jeffy] made me hurt my peepeehole!!!!!
<zompist> heh heh. you could also have a dial for number of random misspellings.
<Da_Raven> [ ] Exclamation points [ ] Question Marks [ ] Mixed Minimum number : ___

<spinn> I can't think of any way to feign ignorance amusingly
<arteitle> I find a simple "Duhhhh..." works well, spinn.
<wabewalkr> Duhhhh...
<arteitle> Yeah! There ya' go. :)
<wabewalkr> You're right, arteitle
<Heath> You could change your /nick to Heath...

<maime> oh fuck I'm turning into martha stewart again.
<wabewalkr> You turned into her before?!?
<Da_Raven> Again? Is this a chronic, recurring disease?
<maime> Yeah the other day I said I couldn't live without fresh rosemary.
<wabewalkr> Then you killed the gardener for not using organic fertilizer.
<maime> Yeah cause miguel was slacking
<maime> I don't pay him ten dollars a week for nothing.

<DMLaenker> Wait... JESUS!
<wabewalkr> He's not on right now.
<DMLaenker> Damn glad for that.
<RoJo> Later on they repented
<kaufman> He's at the prom
<kaufman> Turning the punch bowl into wine
<wabewalkr> Just like any other jock.

<LadyJ> a nipple piercing would be a huge leap for me
<Photon> Of course then you have to worry about snagging it on something when you walk around topless
<Da_Raven> I hate when that happens...
<LadyJ> besides... the occasional snag adds to the pleasure ;)
<LadyJ> or something
<Photon> It's all fun and games until someone loses a nipple
<wabewalkr> Watch out for magnets, then.
<spinn> I hate it when my flabby man-breasts get caught in like office supply cabinets and elevator doors and stuff.

* wabewalkr fires a laser at Katrina.
<zompist> who is naked as usual?
<wabewalkr> Of course. I prefer my roommates naked.
<wabewalkr> And black.
<Da_Raven> Same here.
<zompist> like uncle roy?

[Naked pictures of Katrina.]

<spinn> debb just walked by. "I made GREEN soap! I made GREEN soap! I made GREEN soap! "
...
<spinn> anybody know what glycerine is?
<Da_Raven> Yeah.
<maime> Yeah
(silence)
<spinn> okay, now provide your addresses so debb can drive out to smack you
...
<Da_Raven> Soylent soap is made of glyyyyycerine!
<spinn> hey, her soap /is/ green

<rjm> what the hell is a PORT queen?
<DodgeDart> ....the mind races.
<Da_Raven> Thel when the fleet's in?
<DodgeDart> a chick who likes cheap wine?
<DMLaenker> We have a port queen down in Norfolk.
<Da_Raven> No, no, *Bil* when the fleet's in....

DMLaenker: My father just gave me a buck-up talk in my quest for colleges.
wabewalkr: !8ball Will DML get into his preferred college?
spinnbot: wabewalkr, Not even on a GOOD day.
DMLaenker: He says I should utterly ignore all environmental factors and just look for something with exceptional courses in my field - which, for some reason, he's damn sure is journalism.
DMLaenker: Oh, NO!
DMLaenker *weeps* for Oberlin
maime: Where are you looking at going?
wabewalkr: !8ball Will he get into college at all?
DMLaenker: Oberlin.
spinnbot: wabewalkr, Prospect looks bleak.
DMLaenker *weeps* for Tidewater Community College

Disclaimer : These are actual IRC transcripts. Some editing has been done, either by arranging lines slightly (so conversational blocks look coherent), by deleting irrelevant lines, or lumping multiple consecutive lines by the same author together. For one or two people who used multiple aliases, I picked their most common alias and used it throughout. The actual text and/or the intent of the text has remained untouched. If any of the participants chronicled below have issues, objections or comments, please drop me a line.