ATTACK GRUE WITH NANITES

<zompist> crazyclibmer -set -verbose
<CrazyClimber> i can keep quieter if need be.
<tieboy> he adds an extra "k" in his "snnkkt"
<mdxi> > VERBOSE
<Samwise> Well, bob, we've had a bit of a discussion about that...
<jacquilyn> Extra ks in snkkt - be funny and pad your stats at the same time.
<CrazyClimber> i thought this page was supposed to update every minute or so.
<troika> a watched page never updates
<mdxi> OK. MDXI SPEECH SET TO VERBOSE MODE. WILL REPEAT THINGS I'VE SAID MANY TIMES BEFORE.
<zompist> not any more.
<kaufman> Vee Eeee Arrr Bee Oh Essssssss Eeeeee Period
<mdxi> IT IS DARK. YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE.
<tieboy> ATAN
<kaufman> EAT GRUE
<mdxi> I DON'T SEE ANY GRUE.
<mdxi> IT IS DARK. YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE.
<Samwise> get sword
<zompist> fuck grue
<Samwise> er, GET SWORD
<Elkman> OPEN BOTTRE OF GRUE
<tieboy> imbibe potion
<zompist> whoops, wrong game
<zompist> read quotes
<kaufman> give grue coffee
<tieboy> flee
<zompist> stagger west
<kaufman> adam west
<tieboy> become eaten by grue
<zompist> heh. zork processor seems lagged.
<tieboy> die
<Samwise> look
<kaufman> no, no, mr. grue. you're going to eat me, just like it says here.
*** zompist is now known as grue
<grue> oh sure. they all want to be eaten. who'll eat me? i have needs too, you know.
* Samwise hands the grue some coffee
<kaufman> gruesome coffee?
<tieboy> blow brue
* grue is likely to eat that coffee
<tieboy> grue
<grue> plus, it's always dark in this part of the game. would it kill them to put on the lights?
* Elkman turns on a giant klieg light
<grue> i mean, sure, most of these adventurers would be hard to eat if you could see them.
* Samwise shift
<Samwise> -zaps a light spell
<grue> and while i'm ranting, is this any use for a monster of my talents? eating people who forget to turn on the light?
<tieboy> IT IS DARK. YOU ARE LIKELY TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO A GRUE WITH POOR SELF ESTEEM
<Samwise> Has anyone ever been eaten by a grue?
<Samwise> I mean, it seems like a bluff.
<grue> "it's a great role," morrie tells me. incompetent loser. how is it a great role if they can't *see* you?
* kaufman has fallen into a pit and been eaten by a grue
* grue burps.
<Samwise> In ADOM?
<Elkman> ATTACK GRUE WITH NANITES
<kaufman> in zork
<Samwise> Ah.
*** grue is now known as zompist
<kaufman> where men are men and grues are real
<zompist> man, who knew that the grue was such a whiner?
<mdxi> Your penis glows with a soft, blue light. May I suggest some penicillin?
<mdxi> Or possibly antifungal cream?
<kaufman> except in the freely distributed zork, you're likely to be eaten by a gnue.
<Samwise> You eat the soylent rations. You feel this was a very bad idea! You die...
*** Elkman is now known as DMLaenker
<DMLaenker> On the other hand, I could really go for a liason with an orc, if you know what I mean.
*** DMLaenker is now known as Elkman
<kaufman> hee hee: It's a Dysfunctional Adventure
<CrazyClimber> you are in a maze of twisted little jeffy cartoons, all alike.
<kaufman> "Out of the shadows leaps Uncle Roy. 'Arrrrrrrhhhh! I'll give you my treasure.'"
<Elkman> GRAB SWORD, NO, NOT THAT ONE, THE METAL ONE
<Samwise> DRINK OING
<kaufman> POLISH SWORD
<CrazyClimber> PULL FINGER
<mdxi> You pray to Bil. You sense that Sparky is displeased.
<zompist> there's a text-adventure generator out on the web... have at it, somebody...
<Samwise> LOOK BACONHEAD
<kaufman> AN ANGRY DWARF THROWS A METH LAB AT YOU AND DISAPPEARS
<mdxi> zompist: i already tried that once, but ended up making the MOO instead. however, the software you're looking for is called "inform"
<kaufman> you are in a featureless void.
<Elkman> KITTYCAT CLAWS YOU! (F)IGHT OR (P)ARRY?
<kaufman> A HOLLOW VOICE SAYS GOOD ON YOU MATE
<Samwise> (S)ET ON FIRE
<CrazyClimber> You are in the gutter. > BURP SPERM
<Leth> YOU OPEN THE CAGE, AND THE LITTLE BIRD FLYS RIGHT INTO BIL'S SPHINCTER. YOU CAN NOW PASS.
<Samwise> You are on the shed. > GET OFF SHED
<Leth> BEAT TROLL WITH RUSTY RAKE.
<kaufman> YOU TRY TO TAKE THE TENT BUT IT IS HELD WHER IT IS
<zompist> shawn: right, that's it. i have too many other projects myself, unfortunately...
<mdxi> PUT ON CLOWN COSTUME. HIDE FEDAMEEMS IN FAKE NOSE.
<Elkman> You see a giant fish. > RIDE FISH
<kaufman> OPEN SHOWER
<kaufman> The batteries are running low in your lamp. > PHONE MURRAY AND INSIST I REMAIN SPOTLIGHTED
<Samwise> EAT BEAR CLAWS
<Leth> The telephone is ringing. > ANSWER PHONE AND RECITE THEL'S RATES.
<Samwise> You really, really don't want to do that.
<Samwise> I don't understand 'Namgubed'
<kaufman> You are in the Tourette Room. > EXFUCKDAMNJIZZIT Huh?
<mdxi> You see a cat and two dogs. > RAPE DOG.
<mdxi> Which dog? > BARFY
<mdxi> Which one is Barfy? > SAM
*** Morwen (Morwen@manic.compulsive.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<mdxi> That's not Sam, that's Barfy! > THE SPOTTED ONE
<mdxi> Which one is Barfy? > THE SHAGGY ONE?
<mdxi> Which one is Barfy? > KITTYCAT
<kaufman> > PEE It hurts too much. > VISIT DR. CUTHBERTSON
<Elkman> You are in the kitchen. It is clean here. > CLEAN OBSESSIVELY ANYWAY
<Samwise> You are in a bathroom. There is an exit to the south. You see a cat's ass to the northwest.
<Samwise> Whoooooooooaaa! > TRIP NUTSAK
<Leth> You are in a store. Vic is here. A green chair is here. > BLOW VIC; TAKE CHAIR
<Elkman> You are in a forest wearing a T-shirt saying "I'm a Happy Camper." > THROW TEMPER TANTRUM
<mdxi> TAKE COVERS OFF BED. LOOK UNDER BED. GET BOX. UNLOCK BOX WITH KEY FROM JEFFY'S ASS. GET FEDAMEEMS.
<CrazyClimber> You see a cup of coffee and Thel. > TAKE COFFEE
<CrazyClimber> oh, wait, i channeled sam.
<mdxi> You get the FEDAMEEMS. Your score is 34 out of a possible 349. Good on you, Mate!
<Morwen> Looks like I stumbled into a game of Dork.
<mdxi> oh damn, the total score should be 246
<Leth> Morwen: it's the DFZ
<Morwen> Ah, it makes so much more sense now.
<Leth> You see a broken vase. Who broke the vase? > NOT ME
<LadyJ> I think DORK is a better name for it
* Morwen grins/
<mdxi> There is a dildo here. > TAKE DILDO. FUCK SELF.
<Morwen> Oh there's a picture i didn't need in my head.
<mdxi> You thrash about for several minutes trying to self-penetrate with the dildo, but your freakish flipper-like arms just won't reach.
<kaufman> PASS MORWEN BRILLO
<kaufman> PUNCH NEW NOSTRIL
<CrazyClimber> You are in a small room. There are no dirtsnakes here. > HONK
<Samwise> The evil sorceress' spell hits you! You are turning into popcorn and sausages! > CRY
<LadyJ> heh
<Samwise> You don't know where you are. > GO N You're too lost to find north. > READ PENNANT
<Leth> You are at a wedding. There is a table here. There is a bride here. >STEAL GIFTS; MOLEST BRIDE WITH JEFFY
<Samwise> You see a haiku. > BEAT BOB
<kaufman> Your parents approach. CALL CHILD WELFARE
<Samwise> What do you want to beat him with? > LETH
<kaufman> You see a haiku / Beat Bob, perhaps with a Leth / Huh? What's this saying?
<CrazyClimber> You see a shelf full of books. > READ GUILTY PLEASURES
<kaufman> WRITE REMEMOIRES
<kaufman> Daddy's books get funny reviews at Amazon > CALL LAWYER
<CrazyClimber> You turn the corner and spot Earl Wilson. > APPLAUD
<Leth> You see a television with a clown on it. >CRY
<Elkman> You are lost in a strange city. The Lincoln Memorial is nearby. > READ PENNANT
<Leth> You have completed DORK with a total score of 500 out of a possible 500! Your rating: HAPPY CAMPER!
<Samwise> The television flickers to life... you see a Jim Varney movie. > MOCK
<CrazyClimber> The table contains a variety of breakfast foods. > EAT WAFFLES
<Leth> You enjoy the waffles.
* CrazyClimber is blatantly trolling the jargon file for ideas.
<Samwise> You see a horse. It looks very, very dead. > BEAT HORSE
<Elkman> You see an elk in the pasture ahead of you. > WAIT 17 MINUTES
<raven> You return from lunch to see a game of Zork underway. > START PREPARING LOG
<LadyJ> You see that there will be a record of this activity. > ADD LINE IN BLATANT ATTEMPT TO GET IN LOG
<LadyJ> :)
<Leth> You see a fuck. > SCRATCH THE FUCK
<Leth> ATTEMPT TO BE LAST LINE INSTEAD OF LJ
<LadyJ> NO ME
<kaufman> NOT ME
<raven> Tough noogies, I closed it off with my line. :)
<Leth> oh fine
<Leth> START OWN QUOTES PAGE
<CrazyClimber> You attempt to reach spinnwebe.com via your browser. You wait indefinitely.
<mdxi> The gag appears to be winding down a bit > TAKE SOME OLD INJOKES / REWORK THEM TO FIT NEW GAG / GO THREE MORE HOURS