#spinnwebe Logs : Put that in my Velvet Vulva!


<zompist> oh man. someone should bring a Velvet Vulva to the pggtg.
<zompist> oh lord, she has a vulva sleeping bag.
<agt_orang> My Little Vulva (c)
<agt_orang> the Vulvatubbies!
<agt_orang> again again!
<zompist> this picture of a hand pawing at a velvet vulva... now that be wack.
<agt_orang> the sleeping bag is deeply disturbing. any signs of a lunch box?
<mdxi> coin purse?
<zompist> they're unique creations... you can commission her to do one.
<TomFish> hat?
<TomFish> loincloth?
<zompist> she does mention hats, yes.
<zompist> she has note cards, too. you can "send a message about sustainable agriculture and conscientious purchasing power" by buying cards that show a woman breast-feeding a 6-year-old.
* SeanQ is back, and trying desperately to drive that mental image out of his mind
<TomFish> I think that "sends a message of one fucked up kid"
<agt_orang> sustainable agriculture and conscientious purchasing power are what I think of when I see people breastfeeding large children.
<agt_orang> That and graham crackers.
<zompist> It's an idea whose time has come, with its expression of the sacred, sensual, life-giving, tempting, target-like nature of the feminine genitalia. Once one begins thinking along these lines, the possibilities seem boundless.
<Raven> I'm sure bounds could be found.
<zompist> i hope she does a whole line of body parts.
<Kyol> So what's the kitsch - these're all single line drawings, or something? She's retarded? Or is she an ape?
<Kyol> I don't _get_ it.
<zompist> hey, she's sacred and sensual and all that.
<Kyol> ...And retarded or an ape.. It's possible.
<Kyol> Perhaps.. perhapsperhaps she's a retarded _ape_.
<agt_orang> Coming soon: the Angora Anus.
<zompist> the Plush Penis.
<Kyol> Am I being mean?
<Raven> Maybe a little. She just sounds goofy, like artists can be.
<Raven> Her murals are actually kinda neat.
<zompist> yeah, the bathroom mural is pretty cool.
<zompist> her prose is just so gooshy, though.
<agt_orang> She's a space cadet, but she doesn't seem mean or judgemental
<agt_orang> no argument here. I have an unreasoning irrational hatred of "faeries" and unicorns and fantasy goop...
<Raven> And the web site's not tacky, and she's not conceited like Rebeca.
<agt_orang> at least of the airbrushed web art variety
<Raven> Yeah, I'm sticking with the "goofy" option. :)
<zompist> oh, i'm sure the world would be a better place if more people were like her.
<agt_orang> lot more sca meetings in the park, anyway. :)
<zompist> it's just... "Naturally, what you put in your Velvet Vulva can have tremendous symbolic and magickal significance."
<zompist> you don't even have to add a riposte to that, you can consider it made.
<Raven> I wouldn't go so far as to think we need more of her. :)
<zompist> if there *were* more of her, they'd all get together and sew a 120-foot vulva.
<agt_orang> I'm sure she would consider our gibes and jokes at her expense to be hurtful and to contain an unhealthy amount of negative energy,
<agt_orang> so you know,
<agt_orang> fuck her, anyway.
<Raven> even the smallest Pocket Vulvas have sacred space within which to place magickal items, mementos, or meaningful -appropriately sized - artifacts
<Raven> Yeah, there's not much left to do there, zomp....
<agt_orang> and her taffeta twat, or whatever it is
<Raven> Personally, the third picture looks almost creepy. I mean, grope that bag, whydon'tcha?
<zompist> yeah, that's a bit over the top.
<agt_orang> "don't go puttin no too-big lingam in your little yarn oni!"
<zompist> tho' the first one, with the velvet vulva in position, so to speak, is ineffably weird.
<agt_orang> yoni/oni
<Raven> http://www.artgoddess.com/bridal.html - retrieval
<Raven> Because you want to place the bag at groin level as you dig throught it.
<zompist> oh man. they used it to *carry the rings* at their wedding.
<agt_orang> "Hey ma! got any gum in your purse?"
<Raven> Heheheheh.
<Raven> "How about some Gummi Foetuses?"
<agt_orang> eeeew
<agt_orang> hehe
<zompist> there must be a picture of the best man fisting the bride's velvet vulva.
<agt_orang> I don't know what's on the clothing page, but it's friggin' huge...
<zompist> "i can't find the rings!" "deeper, deeper!"
<mdxi> a little yarn oni would be cool tho
<agt_orang> ah! _Nothing_ is on the clothing page.
<agt_orang> Is it hard to get anything in the purse the first time you use it?
<Raven> They send a tube of lube along with the purse.
<zompist> she ships them with some ketchup packets embedded inside.
<agt_orang> eeeeew(x2)
<agt_orang> hmm.. purse snatching? no, nothing there... move on...

<Raven> GAH! I just realized she's wearing gauze in the pictures on that page.
<Kyol> Wha?
<Kyol> Where?
<spinn> heh, you didn't know?
<Raven> I hadn't noticed it was completely see-through.
<spinn> so, what, that kid that's being breastfed in that drawing is like, 7?
<TMR> Nothing says "tasteful wedding" like visible nipples.
<TomtheFish> what url is this?
<spinn> I like how the rings were "extracted" from the velvet vulva.
* hockeyfag stays away from that picture
<kaufman> http://www.artgoddess.com/vulva-page.html
<Kyol> Oh, ick. I didn't need to see that.
<kaufman> The bottom of the bag has a surprise --- a leopard footprint!
<kaufman> it's on leth's page -- gift list
<spinn> I had to go look to see if you were making that up.
<Samwise> Snnkkkt...the Fringe
<TMR> The Fringe one's scary.
<TMR> Like a Cthuloid cunt.
<spinn> I should make a Schlong Sportspak and send it to her
<spinn> for carrying phone or day planner
<kaufman> The Naugahyde Nutsak
<Samwise> Heh...it's attached like a fanny pack, but is worn in front
<spinn> oh, geez
<kaufman> The Satin Scrotom
<spinn> that hand pawing into the vulva is just too...ick
<hockeyfag> they were selling kangaroo scrotum coin purses in australia.. scarry looking things
<TMR> Hope you wouldn't find something like, a withered testicle in there they forgot to take out.
<SeanQ> i want a Velvet Vulva Sleeping Bag
<spinn> or maybe they leave them in on purpose, tmr
<spinn> no telling what an aussie's idea of snacks may be
<SeanQ> aka the Womb with a View
<spinn> hell, they have musk candy
<TMR> You have that book, too?
<hockeyfag> they had them in bags.. with a cardboard hangar on the top with a picture of a kangaroo with acouple of bandaids on his crotch and a wierd look on his face..
<spinn> did you get that line before you typed the first one, or after?
<hockeyfag> s/bags/plastic bags
<SeanQ> sorta simultaneous
<SeanQ> if Leth were here he'd've kicked me for that one
<SeanQ> you think she'd make me a custom child carrier, one of those backpack thingies?
<TMR> Poor child.

<TheEnigma> "Officer! Someone snatched my snatch!"
<TheEnigma> Sleeping bag?
<Raven> <SeanQ> aka the Womb with a View
<TheEnigma> I think it's time for another shower.
<SeanQ> nick: i want a custom Velvet Vulva infant papoose
<Raven> You should mail her and ask.
<TheEnigma> "Just out of the womb? Wanting to get back in?"
<SeanQ> so I can get a picture of my daughter's head poking out
*** TomtheFish is now known as VelvettheLunch
*** TheEnigma is now known as Velvet_Vulva_Lunch
<Raven> urg. Thanks for that visual, Tom.
<kaufman> she should offer a V.V. coffin
<kaufman> for anyone who wants to be Velvet Underground
<TheEnigma> What else can she expand the line to?
<TheEnigma> Not coffee mugs.
<TheEnigma> Can cozies?
<Raven> Wine glasses?
<Raven> "We have a fine red tonight." "Um, pass."
<Raven> Heheh. Ketchup dispenser.
<kaufman> It was a very good month
<Samwise> best be careful...wine improperly stored becomes like..well, vinegar.
<TheEnigma> I just keep seeing Eddie Murphy saying "Hi. I'm Velvet Jones."
<TheEnigma> Of course, there's the vibrator storage bag.
<TheEnigma> Briefcases.
<TheEnigma> Backpacks, for the kids.
<kaufman> or as they say, "cell phones"
<LimePi> douchebag holders
<TheEnigma> "Electric toothbrushes."

Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!