I don't think there's a word in Japanese for "self-wedgification to preserve one's honor"
<tieboy> this week, my weekly Call of Cthulu game will involve candles
<tieboy> why did I get into this
<Lore> Candles. Actual candles you bring?
<Lore> Elfstar, here you come.
<spinn> weekly call of
<spinn> you start sewing your own robes yet?
* mdxi marks off some sanity points on tie's sheet
<tieboy> this could get irretrievably dorky
<Leth> you'll be wandering the sewers wearing chain mail in no time
<agent_orange> "Could get"?
<spinn> chris gets in an argument with and old guy on the bus over hit dice
<tieboy> well, it's been dorky, but kinda fun, since we drink a lot and don't take it too seriously
<tieboy> but NOW
<spinn> gets sent home early because he's drawing his character sketch on this character sheet
<agent_orange> cheetos will be flung as tempers flare
<mdxi> tieboy: so you'll be one of the LARPers at next year's DragonCon then?
<tieboy> I think I'll just start getting reckless and get my dude killed off
<Lore> Bring a candle with rainbows on it.
<agent_orange> at the Golden Gate / Dragonwraith RPG collective's weekly adventure
<tieboy> Maybe I'll bring a roman candle and hope the place burns down
<agent_orange> bring birthday candles
<Lore> The ones that play a little song.
<spinn> a big citronella candle
<spinn> tell them it's to keep the harpies away
<Lore> An ear candle.
<tieboy> birthday cake candles
<agent_orange> that's what gets me
<agent_orange> it implies "more than once"
<spinn> yeah, and he slipped it in there like the candles thing was the worst part
<spinn> "my weekly cthulu game"
<agent_orange> that's why you needed to get out of that date, isn't it?
<tieboy> I was trying to save on follow-up questions
<tieboy> obviously failed
<spinn> besides, what's the challenge in a cthulhu game anyway? everything's a saving throw against insanity, and you use a big 300-sided die where 270 or so sides are 0
<agent_orange> "I can't! Me and the guys are about to transmutate through the magic mirror of K'Yarh-loth-mugpoot! Call me next week!"
<Lore> I run a D&D game on a sort-of weekly basis. I'm the Dungeon Master.
<Lore> But I haven't demanded animal sacrifice yet.
<tieboy> hey, I went on both dates, fucker
<agent_orange> have you demanded candles?
<agent_orange> or just, like, dip?
<Lore> No. But maybe I'll start.
<mdxi> stupid Hounds of Yog Soth'oth
<spinn> actually, chris, I'm jealous you have actual human beings you see on a regular basis
<agent_orange> overrated things, people
<spinn> 'course I'd rather hear you were having a jerk party than a cthulhu game, but still
<tieboy> yeah, it gets me out of the house
<tieboy> but hardly an improvement over sitting at home
<Lots42> "Last person to spunk on the die has to lick it clean!"
<Samwise> spinn: I like cthulhu games because it's impossible for players to make it hack and slash.
<Lore> I'm still trying to harass people into writing background stories for their characters.
<agent_orange> out of the house and into some nerdy teen's stuffy bedroom
<tieboy> yeah, i like the fact that it's not all combat. Some combat, now and then, would be nice, however
<agent_orange> but hey -- better than that same old issue of cosmo for the hundredth time
<spinn> once I was in a big game store that had a room in the back where they were playing d&d
<dogmatix> calling them in the middle of the night, breathing deeply into the phone: write a background story for your character. click
<Samwise> Lore: Ever try amber roleplaying?
<tieboy> it's a little dull
<spinn> and for one moment I was wistful for the experience
<Samwise> spinn: then the smell hit you?
<spinn> but then I heard one of the dorks spew some idiocy and I was reminded why it sucks
<Lots42> My favorite comic store has tons of tables right out in front
<agent_orange> cheeto hit him in the eye
<Samwise> "Roll the dice to see if I get drunk!"
<Lots42> Dork: "Who's that out in front? A woman?"
<spinn> "what, you mean you don't know [something something]?" said the dm. "uh...uh...yeah I uh...was just testing you."
<Lore> Sam: No.
<agent_orange> that's why I never played after about a half-dozen times
<agent_orange> went to a game to get keys from someone's brother, looked around at the players and thought
<spinn> christ, in real life if I ever heard "I was just testing you" I'd just shoot the guy
<Samwise> Ah, OK. It's diceless, and very very heavy on teh background and character development (duh).
<agent_orange> "My god. These people have been to my *house*"
<mdxi> Samwise: okay, you're drunk
<Samwise> Cool! Are there any girls there?
<spinn> good, now roll to find out if he blubbers like a baby about his ex-gf
* mdxi casts..../magic missle/
<Samwise> If there are, I wanna DO THEM!
<mdxi> against the /darkness/
<agent_orange> can I have a mountain dew?
<dogmatix> sure, just go get it
<tieboy> I ain't playing no game in candlelight, dammit
<tieboy> that's so faggy I can't even believe it
<Lore> Who's bringing the bell and book?
<agent_orange> the Daisy Chain of Cthulhu
<Samwise> tie: play it in a basement, dirt floors, non-white painted light bulb.
<mdxi> that's better than Soggy Biscuit of Cthulhu
<agent_orange> The Sad, Silent Circle Jerk of Shub_Niggurath
<tieboy> the only overly dorky thing so far is the one dude speaking in an accent. i should have seen this coming
<dogmatix> that rocks.
<agent_orange> oh ghooood
<Lore> Oh, we've got all sorts of accents at my game. I make the gnome sound like Dr. Nick.
<spinn> maybe in the soft light they'll start stealing kisses
<Samwise> We used to play in our dorm's basement, in the unfinished part. Was really cool when a spider'd drop by.
<mdxi> The Elder Ones, who Wank an Endless Insane Wank at the Centre of the Universe
<agent_orange> maybe you can all go get your star trek uniforms altered after the game
<tieboy> heh heh heh FUCK YOU
<agent_orange> stealing kisses snkkkt
<spinn> do they have jars near the front door where you leave your dicks before the game?
<dogmatix> they used to, but then someone stole the jar
<agent_orange> I assume someone's mom will be present at all times?
<agent_orange> no horesplay down in that rec room, you hear?
<spinn> hovering with pigs in blankets, sure
<tieboy> "Okay, adventurers! Who wants LEMONADE???"
<dogmatix> aye, they're working up a Mean Thirst slaying all of those orcs
<spinn> tie, is it a bad english accent?
<agent_orange> don't you spill that hawaiian punch on dad's ping-pong table!
<Samwise> Awwwww, mooOOOOOooommm... I'm supposed to be the Keeper of Arcane Lore, not the Dispenser of Tasty Ladyfingers!
<tieboy> no, it's Polish
<dogmatix> jesus, can't even pick a cool accent
<tieboy> fairly good, too, although I don't know a lot of Poles
<tieboy> so I could be wrong
<agent_orange> "By all the Dark Gods! We must--Hey! Sunny D!"
<Lots42> "Mom! I have pee! Can you sit in as the DM?"
<Samwise> Lots: did you see the D&D episode of Dexter?
<Samwise> Well, you *should*, dammit.
<Lots42> My mom wouldn't let me play D&D. She saw that stupid Tom Hanks movie.
<agent_orange> Polish Accent: "Duhhh... sixty hit points plus 40 hit points is ... duhhh... Seventy?"
<Lots42> So I made up my own system
<dogmatix> i want to play d&d with a group of people and then never have our characters actually ever meet in the game
<Lots42> Hee hee
<Samwise> dog: the DM will kill you in your sleep.
<dogmatix> "so what am i doing now?" "how the hell should i know, dude, i'm way over in another city entirely."
<Lots42> Or like in Foxtrot: Spend six hours making the character then a rockslide kills them all
<agent_orange> "Well, it says blue eyes, but I decided I want grey eyes!"
<dogmatix> whatever. you can talk now if you want.
<tieboy> candles. candles.
<dogmatix> "hello..." "hello." "i am galstaff, sorcerer of light!" "then how come you had to cast majik missile?!?!!>!@?>!@"
<tieboy> can someone call in a hit on me
<tieboy> just a bullet to the back of the head, please
<agent_orange> candles. Bring candles. And a big bag of Funyuns.
<Samwise> tie: maybe you should bring the candles, to make sure they're not too faggy.
<dogmatix> whoa, funyuns
<agent_orange> and your dignity in a little paper sack.
<Samwise> funyuns, cheetos and munchos
<dogmatix> almost forgot about those entirely, even though i damn near lived off of them during late nights at work last year
<agent_orange> off brand soda
<Samwise> and about 3 packs of cigarettes.
<agent_orange> candy bars (no sharing!)
<tieboy> dammit. why'd this have to go and happen. It'd been mostly a poker game atmosphere till now
<agent_orange> mom got really pissed about all the boogers wiped under the table last time, so no more cthulhu "puppet shows," okay?
<dogmatix> i remember playing d&d with Some Punk in 6th grade. he was dm. if we did something in the game that took fifteen minutes or whatever, he'd make us actually wait 15 minutes
<Lots42> I've always wanted to see someone take the Mystical Piece of the Sword the villian needs to rule the world and toss it in a mine shaft and blow up the shaft
<tieboy> except for the elf-hats
<agent_orange> "Look! one of the elger gods in protoplasmic form!"
<Lots42> Damn stupid punk
<spinn> "poker game atmosphere" just made me think, like, a bunch of guys getting together around a table playing cards, smoky, low-lit room, some of them wearing visor hats, and one finally says, "gimme all your 3's"
<Samwise> "Dammit, there's no miniature for the Dhole!" "Wait, I got one right here... " *zzzzzzip* "and it even spits!"
<agent_orange> "I'll see your $20, Vinnie, and cast magic missle on your ass."
<agent_orange> Mr. Big Shot
<agent_orange> Gimmee the biggest one you have!
<agent_orange> and a round for all those geeks with the candles over there!
<spinn> one stand up. "you DARE impugn the HONOR of Sir Brixtleham-Weatherby-on-the-Thames-Emerson-" and the other one grabs his sleeve and says "dude, the wedgie isn't worth it."
<spinn> I hope my ppilot has enough memory to hold all this hilarity when it comes around
<agent_orange> Someone gets caught with five bags-of-holding and gets shot
<Samwise> "Yeah? Well, my mage casts a 'Geas' on your stupid dwarf to tend and harvest the entire town's grain fields!" "Whuh?" "...weed 'em and reap."
<tieboy> hm. yeah, i feel kinda indebted to wedgie myself at this point
<agent_orange> sam: don't make me drag out the "Loose lips zinc sheeps" line, okay?
<mdxi> i don't think there's a word in Japanese for "self-wedgification to preserve one's honor"
<spinn> I win
<agent_orange> fuckers, both of you
<Samwise> Yeah, I couldn't think of one either.
<agent_orange> I was on boxer rebellion before I remembered it was china
<spinn> oh, sorry, you can't have fun in this way
<spinn> the Spinn has spoken
<SoiledGreen> well, what about the Webe?
<agent_orange> I haven't been able to get it up since you removed the red zone, you ogre
<spinn> the webe is busy rolling a saving through vs petrification
<dogmatix> somehow, being unable to function properly makes all of your problems just ... disappear
<spinn> except the problem of functioning properly
<spinn> that stays with you
<mdxi> i should attempt another Red Zone Memorial Edition of captions
<dogmatix> functioning properly itself is a problem. if you are relieved of the ability, you are relieved of the problem.
<agent_orange> fuckin' HEAVY, d00d
<dogmatix> ah, total lack of responsibility.
<SoiledGreen> good. that is what i was hoping, spinn.
<spinn> not really a comfort when you have to have someone else hold your wang while you pee
<dogmatix> that's why you just piss yourself. what could be better?
<agent_orange> How about, you're all fuckheads! how about, you all deserve to die and I'm coming for you all! Hoa baout I BITE THE HEADS OFF YOUR BABIES!
<SoiledGreen> pissing on someone else is better.
<Lots42> I don't have babies.
<Lots42> I had a chance but my wife left me when the red zone went away
<agent_orange> you have multiple personalities
<agent_orange> and that's almost as good
<Lots42> One of my personalities is marrying one of Sol's personalities
<tieboy> you're just saying that because I'm going to play Call of Cthulu by candlelight
<agent_orange> :Q <======8
<tieboy> on a FRIDAY. I should just go put on a dress
<mdxi> "It's not a DATE, Mom, it's a GAMING GROUP!"
<agent_orange> you roll those fag 8 sided dice to decide what fag dick to blow, you homo?
* agent_orange is now known as Buddy
<mdxi> 98-00 - Your turn in the barrel
* mdxi whips out the old Wand of Many Wonders
<tieboy> Baba Yaga's Butt
<agent_orange> like, "I wonder if it will ever rise again?"
<agent_orange> many Wonder Breads, maybe
<Samwise> "I wonder what it means when it turns fushcia."
<Samwise> "I wonder what those weeping sores are from."
<agent_orange> "I cast ... /premature missle/ ... against the /underwear!/"
<agent_orange> "I wonder what happens if I pull it like Stevie said ... OH MOMMA MOMMA MOMMA!"
<Samwise> "I wonder if 5 times a day is excessive."
<agent_orange> "I'm Squirtwolf, a chaotic Dateless half-elf from Encino!"
<TMR> Just switch hands every so often so you don't get one arm freakishly muscled.
<mdxi> "Nice to meet you! I'm WindChylde, a Lawful Desperate fighter/mage from Oakland!"
<agent_orange> I cast ... /pearls of protein!/
<agent_orange> "Hail, WindChylde! Did ye prithee bring a Candyl to the magic Cyrcle?"
<mdxi> "Verilye Ie Dide."
<agent_orange> I have stored mine Candyl in the Sheath of Evacuation!
<agent_orange> alongside the Spayre Cheetos
<mdxi> My honored Matron hath stowed myne in this A-Team Duffle Baggye
<agent_orange> We must alight on a Quest for Fyre, ass my Goodmum has refus'd me the lucifers!
<agent_orange> She and mine Probation Officer
<agent_orange> and psychiatrist
<agent_orange> But Enon!
<Samwise> Auvant! Here, mine Zippeaux shall suffice.
<agent_orange> So, TyeBoyye, wither is your Candyl, hmm? Come join in this fine feast of buggery!
<Samwise> *huffeth* *huffeth* *huffeth*
<agent_orange> I mean comradeship!
<agent_orange> The Buggery will commence anon!
<agent_orange> after mom goes to bed
<Lore> Are we still harrassing tie?
<mdxi> Huzzah and Lube uppe!
<mdxi> Plugge myne muffyns, good sir Knight!
<tieboy> are you kidding? this is totally turning me on
*** agent_orange is now known as Dad
<Dad> Why can't you play ball like a regular kid?
<Dad> What the hell is wrong with you? are you queer? answer me! (SMACK!)
*** antihero is now known as Kid
<Kid> No dad, I learned it from watching you!
<TMR> Nice, agto. Reminds me of the marine asshole in American Beauty.
<mdxi> OW! crusades and OW!
*** Kid is now known as Dad
<Dad> My god... I never thought rolling all those dice would hurt anyone
<agent_orange> Son, I've got a twenty sided die here, and every roll comes up "I love you!"
<antihero> whoa, back off, sicko
<agent_orange> Come home. We all miss you.
<tieboy> Bet you just *wish* I wanted to be a hairdresser now
<agent_orange> guy talks with an accent
<mdxi> be sure to dress in 20s period costumes
<mdxi> like in that one episode of Star Trek
<tieboy> one? one?
<mdxi> and say "BY JOVE!" instead of "OH SHIT!"
<agent_orange> next thing you know, it's a ren fest
<mdxi> and a hey-nonny-nonny!
<mdxi> and then you're a LARPer
<agent_orange> and there's nothing left after that except a date with the deprogrammer
<TMR> And the buggery therein.
<agent_orange> you can still have a rewarding career as the "Computer guy" at a small midwestern accountancy firm
<agent_orange> where your kind is tolerated
<ristoril> sorry, that's the only Renfairegese i know
<agent_orange> "Anon, good sirrah! Wouldst ye cayre for a heart Roaft-Beef Hoagie?"
<agent_orange> "Wouldft thou fancy frief with that?"
<mdxi> that'll be $27.50 m'lord!
<agent_orange> "Aye, sirrah, we take Difcover!"
<mdxi> VISA: 'Tis Everywhere Thou Prays To Be
<Samwise> Mafter Card and Lady Vifa
<agent_orange> "Mafter Card, take me away!" "A WITCH! A WITCH!"
<raven> "Yea, she charges as much as a duck!"
<agent_orange> By the pricking of my thumbs, something with a low, low apr of 13% comes!
<KemloCaesar> ... 'apr'?
<agent_orange> Annual Percentage Rate
<agent_orange> they don't have such things in the socialist gulag you call a country
<KemloCaesar> when the wind is north-northwest, I know a hawk from a guaranteed rebate
<agent_orange> <enter GHOST> Cash back! Cash back!
<KemloCaesar> <exeunt, pursued by a bear market>