"I can be your hands ... and so, so much more..."

SWHC



<tieboy> i'm home
<tieboy> now I can click the things /I/ want to click
<tieboy> oh, he's escalated to telling me HOW to click things
<Leth> "Click softly, that's a /special/ link"
<tieboy> like, opening attachments has gone from "open that"
<tieboy> to "right click on that, now choose "open"
<tieboy> over and over
<tieboy> and over
<tieboy> and over
<tieboy> and over
<tieboy> and over
<Leth> you should "right-click" on him and "open" a vein
<SeanQ> do you ever fuck up on purpose just to give him aggida?
<tieboy> when he gets aggida, he grinds his teeth
<SeanQ> "Wait, which button is the right one again?"
<SeanQ> *make pretend throwing motion with right hand* "Oh, yeah, got it."
<tieboy> which is even more fucking annoying OH GOD HELP ME I'M 28 AND I'M A FUCKING HELPER MONKEY IS THIS MY LIFE FOR REEEEEAAAALLLLL?
<SeanQ> calm down, bud
<daria> unfortunately, yes.
* SeanQ DCC's tie a nice banana split
<Samwise> Yeah, it is. Now eat your oatmeal.
<Agent_Orange> "Make an 'm'. No -n- -'M'. M. That's a 'k'! No! EM Em Em! Dammit!"
<tieboy> at least i'm home and still getting paid
<Leth> just not laid
<Agent_Orange> Tie: go in monday with bandages over your eyes and a real monkey
<Agent_Orange> preferably a chimp
<Agent_Orange> a horny chimp
<tieboy> done and done


<tieboy> oh, he started something new today, too
<tieboy> something even more fun
<tieboy> pointing at the screen with a sharpened pencil, which he jabs back and forth about 2 inches from my face, since he's sitting right behind me
<agent_orange> tie: next time he pokes past your head with the pencil, lean your head against his arm and gently kiss his wrist
<tieboy> I might lose an eye
<CrazyClimber> probably just a brace there
<tieboy> oh, and he was gesturing with a piece of paper, too. I was having Chien Andalou nightmares
<agent_orange> lick his watch
<agent_orange> "I can be your hands ... and so, so much more..."
<agent_orange> "I can be your secret handkerchief, the one you keep tucked under the mattress..."
<tieboy> dude is fucked. his boss now has him (me) keeping a complete log of everything he does, from phone calls to e-mails
<mdxi> you might get to score with the Hot Wife...for a small price...
<agent_orange> that's a danger sign
<tieboy> still can't believe that little bastid got such a hottie
<mdxi> the words "tieboy sandwich" come to mind
<SeanQ> they wanna know how he can be productive when he's essentially a circus freak
<agent_orange> that's rpobably how he hurt his hands
<agent_orange> she punched up her butt cheeks all of a sudden, and SNAP! SNAP!
<agent_orange> there go the wrists
<SeanQ> christ, agto
<SeanQ> i wish I could say you're in rare form, but you're always this fucked up
<tieboy> i'm torn between loathing him and feeling sorry for him
<dariaLab> you can do both.
* agent_orange blushes
<SeanQ> tie: think about the hot wife, then go back to loathing him
<tieboy> like, i drew a little cartoon of how much i hate him, but I feel bad to use it
<SeanQ> tie: think of it this way, it's not like he's gonna surf across it
<CrazyClimber> you don't have to show it publicly, tie, just give us the URL
<tieboy> i haven't scanned it yet
<SeanQ> until his Christopher Reeve keyboard comes in
<agent_orange> maybe he can order the mouse around with some space-age headset cursor control thingy
<tieboy> "I just was sitting here, blowing in my tube, and LOOK what I found"
<SeanQ> more like "I was sitting here..*bwooooosh* blowing in my tube *bwoooooosh* and look what I found!"
<mdxi> the Eddie Bauer/Christopher Reeve/Steven Hawking Limited Edition Off-Road Handicapable Vehicle and Mouse Pointer
<tieboy> ah, he'd just develop some bronchial infection, and I'd have to blow in the tube for him
<tieboy> "Blow there. Now there. NO! Blow THERE!"
<agent_orange> "I need you to be my bladder."


<tieboy> well
<tieboy> that was a special day
<SeanQ> tie! what the fuck, they sent you home again?!?
<Agent_Orange> check monkey boy under the left pull-down menu
<tieboy> he RELEASED me
<tieboy> job over
<SeanQ> heheh, fired a day before you quit
<KemloCaesar> I thought you were going to stay until Friday.
<tieboy> he found out Friday was going to be my last day, got all pissy, and kicked me out
<CrazyClimber> yay
<KemloCaesar> heh.
<SeanQ> call your agency and tell them you thought your last day was next Friday, demand compensation
* mdxi cracks a 40 of OE800 and passes it around
<tieboy> so a big whopping fucking 18 hour paycheck this week
<CrazyClimber> he's typing up a nasty letter to your agency right now, in fact
<tieboy> looks like I'll be sucking cocks to pay the rent
<tieboy> again
<Agent_Orange> line forms after me!
<tieboy> I'm typing up a nasty letter to the agency
<SoiledGreen> but agt, you are always first!
<mdxi> time to ride the tie-train
<CrazyClimber> *shrug* with that tiny mouth, tie, i'll have to go elsewhere
<Agent_Orange> yes sioled that is becasue it pleasures me so
<kaufman> why does tie only get sloppy seconds?
<SeanQ> notmydigits.com
<babich> 'Office of Fortune'
<KemloCaesar> a rogue tieboy, ejected from the herd, roaming the plains looking for a mate.
<tieboy> time to let my agency know about the site too, i think
<SoiledGreen> s/mate/job
<Agent_Orange> DO you see "helper monkey" on this resume? Do you?
<SeanQ> time for a new agency, I think
<tieboy> that too
<SoiledGreen> well, it could have been worse.
<SeanQ> fuck 'em all up! name names! ruin reputations!
<babich> if he's gonna be a mercenary temper, I think he should be called helper guerilla
<SoiledGreen> h could have had wooden hands.
<SoiledGreen> and called you "Jeffy".
<SoiledGreen> "click here, jeffy me lad!"
<SoiledGreen> "not there, HERE!"
<Agent_Orange> the Shadow Temp
<SeanQ> how'd he tell you to go, was he all flapping his arms around and grinding his teeth?
<SoiledGreen> Temp Wars: The Agency Strikes Back
<SeanQ> did he try to stab you with any pencils?
<babich> Tieboy Jones and the Temp'ing of Doom
<tieboy> no. he had me write his letter requesting disability
<tieboy> then told me he'd pay me the minimum for the day
<tieboy> gee, thanks
<SeanQ> i smell a Theme Week
<Agent_Orange> and you deliberately spelled every word arong
<Agent_Orange> er, wrong
<Agent_Orange> jesus
<tieboy> well, i know the guy has his own problems
<tieboy> but he guaranteed me 35 hours this week
<tieboy> and I got half that
<SeanQ> but he didn't need to make them yours too
<Agent_Orange> fuck his wife
<SoiledGreen> that's fucked, tie.
<SoiledGreen> i'd raise hell.
<tieboy> I guess his word is as strong as his FEEBLE FUCKING FLAPPING ARMS
<CrazyClimber> well, he's just trying to make sure the same thing doesn't happen to you, tie
<SoiledGreen> summon the Dark Lord or something.
<CrazyClimber> really not very grateful of you to be this pissed
<tieboy> anyhoo
<tieboy> how's everyone else?
<mdxi> LOOK AT ME I'M A WAFFLE CONE
<SoiledGreen> eh. here.
<Agent_Orange> my whole family was killed in a gas station explosion
<KemloCaesar> well, mdxi is a waffle cone.
<Agent_Orange> but you don't hear ME whining
<tieboy> mmm... gas station explosion
<Agent_Orange> good riddance
<kaufman> and you don't see mdxi dripping
<SoiledGreen> was it over a scooter?
<Agent_Orange> It was over a 300-ft fireball
<SoiledGreen> ah.
<Agent_Orange> and three parishes
<CrazyClimber> did the earth move?
<tieboy> huh, the bitch who assigned me this job won't take my calls
<Agent_Orange> CC: for me it did. I love explosions.
<SoiledGreen> tie - i wonder why.
<tieboy> keep getting the staffing manager's voice-mail
<SoiledGreen> i think she has an idea why you are calling.
<tieboy> Damn, I shoulda stopped by on the way home
<babich> my whole family was killed in a hydrogen station explosion
<tieboy> I wanted to, but I hadn't shaved, and didn't want them to see. Can you believe that?
<Agent_Orange> "Uhm, Sandy? It's the Helper Monkey on line two! Teeheeheehee!"
<SoiledGreen> i would have walked in, unshaven, with a 40-oz in a paper bag, rasing hell.
<SeanQ> you grow facial hair? no, I don't believe it
<Agent_Orange> SQ: that's NOT what he means
<Agent_Orange> just DROP IT
<SoiledGreen> "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey BITCH! where is my MONEY!?!?"
<SeanQ> well, it's ot even lunch time there - shave, get yer ass on the bus and shoot up the place
<Agent_Orange> can still make the 6 o'clock news
* SoiledGreen hands tieboy a AK-47.
<CrazyClimber> get someone else to shoot up the place for you. "Here's your goddamn helper monkey!"
<kaufman> notmyweapon
* SeanQ throws $10 in the the Tieboy Bail Bond Fund
<SoiledGreen> notmyfingerprintsonthatgun.com
<Agent_Orange> since you're only a disgruntled temporary worker, maybe you should shoot to wound
<SoiledGreen> and make then suffer a slow death.
<tieboy> There will be no bail
<tieboy> I'm saving back a bullet
* SoiledGreen gets the hacksaw ready.
<tieboy> It's for Mr. Wonky Hands, but still
<SoiledGreen> we will get you out.
<mdxi> OKAY FORGET I SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MY BALLS...THAT WAS AN ERROR
<SoiledGreen> i remember doing this back in Clay County Jail.
<tieboy> anyhow
<babich> give him a gun and tell him its his only fighting chance. If you shoot him, tell the police he started it. If he picks up the gun, turn him in for insurance fraud,and reap the rewards


<tieboy> HOLY SHIT
<tieboy> the dude with the arms RESIGNED after he sent me home
<tieboy> and Dreyer's just offered me HIS JOB
<Agent_Orange> WOW
<Agent_Orange> ahahahahahaaa
<CrazyClimber> seriously?!
<tieboy> this is FUCT UP
<tieboy> YES
<maime> well, you already know what he does.
<Gayo> What the FUCK!?
<maime> how does it pay?
<Agent_Orange> Do you get a helper monkey too?
<Elkman> Wow. Are you going to take it?
<tieboy> oh dear dear dear dear
<Elkman> TAKE IT
<Elkman> TAKE IT
<Elkman> TAKE IT
<Agent_Orange> do you get his wife?
<CrazyClimber> "Our TV movie this week stars Christopher Livingston..."
<Gayo> It'd be funny if you took the job then got carpal tunnel syndrome right away.
<tieboy> I'm going in tomorrow to talk to them
<maime> yes, she's one of the benefits.
<Gayo> But seriously...what the FUCK?
<tieboy> this is fucking freaky
<raven> Insist on your own helper monkey.
<Agent_Orange> Insurance rocks, dude.
<maime> you drove him from his job.
<tieboy> freaky
* Agent_Orange giggles uncontrollably
<CrazyClimber> should we have a pool on where they'll find his body? i'm guessing drainage ditch
<tieboy> sheez
<Agent_Orange> I love it when a plan comes together
<Kyol> Just think, tie, if you work there, you get ALL THAT FREE ICE CR... Oh, sorry.
<Elkman> So why did he resign?
<tieboy> I think I'm gonna get drunk
<tieboy> right now
<daria> oh wow.
<CrazyClimber> maybe his bathtub, though.
<raven> like, perm or temp?
<kaufman> out the window of his burning building?
<daria> you wouldn't have to walk the street to pay the rent.
<CrazyClimber> Tie: Remember the words "I can install my own software on my PC, right?"
<tieboy> well, temp to start
<tieboy> they think I know more about what he was doing than he does
<tieboy> they are soooooo in trouble
* kaufman passes tie the brillo
<tieboy> ripe for the reaping
<maime> what was he doing when he wasnt jabbing you with a pencil?
<tieboy> i have no idea
<CrazyClimber> did dreyer call you, or did your agency?
<Agent_Orange> apparently yanking it so hard he broke his arms
<tieboy> agency
<Elkman> He just told you what keys to press, and you didn't take note of what he was actually accomplishing?
<tieboy> fuck no
<Agent_Orange> heh--you know what he does, but it's all phonetic, since he had to tell you EVERYTHING
<tieboy> i ain't gettin' my learn on for some temp job
<kaufman> extreme helper monkey
<SoiledGreen> SUURRRRRGE!
<Agent_Orange> left click, right click, don't make a shit
* CrazyClimber runs off to register okitsmydesknowafterall.com
<Agent_Orange> The Bad-Ass Helper Monkey with a Raging 'Tude
<tieboy> i can't stop laughing
<CrazyClimber> mention that you were guaranteed 35 hours for the week, too
<tieboy> i did
<Agent_Orange> Surely you can figure out how to jab a pencil at someone's head, smart boy that you are
<tieboy> they are gonna make up for it, if i have anything to say about it
<SoiledGreen> "i'm too good of a helper monkey to work for you, d00d!"
<tieboy> and i might make it 40
<tieboy> i guess he didn't tell them he had released me, and they apologized
<SoiledGreen> 3l337 h3|p3r m0/\/|<3y!
<tieboy> downloading IRC first thing tomorrow
<maime> did he have an office or just a desk?
<tieboy> just a desk
<Elkman> Is there something about the ice cream industry that gives people carpal tunnel syndrome?
<daria> duh, have you ever scooped ice cream?
<maime> yeah, scooping is hard work.
<Elkman> Yeah, but this guy worked at a desk, typing things.
<Agent_Orange> well, he couldn't really type
<Agent_Orange> he just bashed the backs of his hands against the keyboard
<CrazyClimber> this will teach him... next time he'll use a mouth stick
<maime> my friend is convinced the temp she has is trying to steal her job.
<maime> I can't wait to tell her this story.
<Gayo> Maybe he is. Temps can be sneaky.
<maime> the bastards are always trying to steal my job.
<maime> of course I stole it from tieboy.
<maime> but he was leaving anyway.
<maime> and I wanted it before he had it.
<SoiledGreen> that's tie. always coming then going.
<tieboy> i hope he saved his resignation to his hard drive
<maime> do you have his password?
<tieboy> yeah, it's his name BACKWARDS
<mdxi> maybe there's dom pr0n of the wifey
<tieboy> oooh
<tieboy> yeah
<mdxi> s/dom/some/ (fuck)
<mdxi> dom pr0n works too
<Agent_Orange> new topic: mdxi: s/dom/some/ (fuck)
<tieboy> man, it's gonna be awkward when he cleans out his desk and I'm sitting there
<Agent_Orange> watching him drop shit from his useless flippers
<Elkman> He'll ask you to clean his desk.
<Elkman> "No, not that drawer. THAT DRAWER!"
<tieboy> or, like, if he comes back with a rifle or something
<maime> you're first on the list monkey boy.
<Elkman> Why did he resign, anyway?
<mdxi> flipper executives
<tieboy> no one knows
<Agent_Orange> "Need some help with those baubles, Fred? Hahahahaaa!"
<CrazyClimber> do you think he can hold a gun right now?
<maime> he could probably make the effort to hold a gun, or at least pull the pins on grenades.
<CrazyClimber> that would be a great scene, where he tries to hold the gun but can't, and just breaks down sobbing next to tie's desk
<tieboy> and then i make it with his wife
<tieboy> 'cos she's hot
<kaufman> and her tongue hangs down to HERE
<kaufman> [might as well take the daydream all the way]
<Elkman> Then she flips you the bird with both fingers.
<tieboy> i've decided i will go in tomorrow, goof off, and then turn down the job
<tieboy> nice to have a little bow on this experience
<CrazyClimber> you really going to turn it down, tie?
<tieboy> hell yeah
<tieboy> i don't want that job
<tieboy> okay. why, if the dude was resigning, wouldn't he pay me full hours?
<Agent_Orange> tie: was he um ... "asked" to resign?
<tieboy> no
<tieboy> he just left a note, and then just left
<CrazyClimber> tie: because that would cheat the company even more than he already has, you silly
<Agent_Orange> perhaps he just snapped
<wabewalkr> Is this the embezzlement guy?
<wabewalkr> Or the man without hands?
<Gayo> Maybe he went nuts.
<tieboy> the hands
<CrazyClimber> tie, even if you do go in tomorrow, i'd be prepared to hide behind that desk if i were you
<Agent_Orange> wabe: no, the gimp
<Agent_Orange> sjit
<tieboy> yeah, i'm thinking that too, cc
<tieboy> maybe i can get a bullet-proof vest
<Agent_Orange> he'll have to come to you first to pull the trigger
<wabewalkr> Did he make you type up his resignation letter?
<tieboy> nope
<tieboy> i thought he was at first, but it was just a letter to request disability
<tieboy> that's why i'm surprised he quit after i left
<Agent_Orange> "dEr ComppNY: i KQWitt"
<wabewalkr> "I can't stand the kid who's supposed to be my hands!"
<CrazyClimber> tell the receptionist there to dial 9-1 first thing in the morning, so when he shoots her first, her head will hit the 1 button and call the cops
<tieboy> i'm sure she'd agree that it's the best action to take
<CrazyClimber> yeah, ya gotta be prepared
<tieboy> "We'd like it if your lifeless skull called the cops for us. That'd really help us out."
<Lots42> I wonder if one day Hands guy will ever realize he was being made fun of by so many strangers.
<Elkman> "911, may I help you?" "Aaaaaack. *THUD*"
<Agent_Orange> "Now, Shirley, Armless Bob is going to be coming in with a gun sometime today ..."
<tieboy> nah, the guy is gonna eat a Glock
<tieboy> only question is how many he takes with him
<CrazyClimber> no, that's too much manual dexterity.
<wabewalkr> It's a bitch to operate an AK-47 without hands.
<CrazyClimber> hey j!
<Gayo> Hi, we're discussing how tie is doomed to be shot in a spree killing tomorrow.
<LadyJ> tie: still typing for carpal tunnel guy?
<tieboy> hee hee
<Kyol> wabe: Nah, not with a tactical sling and a robe to the trigger - he could just puch the gun forward to pull the trigger.
<Kyol> (rope!)
<tieboy> no. he canned me, then resigned, and the company offered me his job
<tieboy> in a nutshell
<LadyJ> rock.
<CrazyClimber> in a few minutes, nyder will come into the channel and ask, "Tie! How's that helper monkey gig going?"
<tieboy> yeah
<tieboy> the MONKEY is CALLING THE SHOTS now
<LadyJ> god help us all
<Agent_Orange> leave it to the engineers in the channel to start figuring out ways for Armless Bob to rig up a shotgun...
<CrazyClimber> tie - was his name bob?
<raven> only when he's swimming.
<tieboy> Tim
<Agent_Orange> 1 point, Garvey, Advantage
<Lots42> In 'Exit Wounds', a guy hiding behind a low barrier strung his belt through the shotgun. He threw it into the air and the belt pulled the trigger, wounding a bad guy
<CrazyClimber> that was a great documentary
<Gayo> Usually it'd just shoot the ceiling or something though.
<Gayo> Or yourself.
<wabewalkr> That's a MOVIE. We're talking about REAL LIFE.
<Agent_Orange> Tim. Good old Armless Tim.
* CrazyClimber looks at wabe, uncomprehending
<Agent_Orange> We called him stumpy back in the navy.
<wabewalkr> Sorry.
<tieboy> so, do disgruntled workers usually come right back the next day? Or do they plot for a while first
<Gayo> I dunno, I found the whole tie/job thing a rather implausible, contrived plot twist.
<Agent_Orange> tie: they have to stew for a little bit
<wabewalkr> Call him Tendonitis Tim.
<tieboy> Carpal Timmal
<CrazyClimber> agt: that's a pot of water, not a pool of water
<LadyJ> heh
<Agent_Orange> 'course, we don't know how long he's been stewing already
<tieboy> Carpal Tunnel Timdrome
<LadyJ> carpal Timmeh
<Agent_Orange> Timdonitis
<Elkman> "He's armless, but not harmless!"
<wabewalkr> TimmyNoHands.com
<Agent_Orange> Stumpfucker Timbo
<Lots42> notmyhands.com
<Samwise> Armless, but Armed!
<Agent_Orange> Flipper
<Lots42> He could loop det cord around his wrist, chase tie down and detonate a chestful of dynamite
<Agent_Orange> Old Carpal Tunnel, no hands, no pussy gettin', not a man anymore tim
<wabewalkr> He could headbutt Tie to death.
<Gayo> Someone should copy this log and send it to him.
<Agent_Orange> he can still hold a pencil, remember
<LadyJ> He slept on his arms last night... he has no feeling in his left one or his right
<tieboy> I'd enjoy thinking of ways for him to kill me, but I must admit, I wouldn't be shocked to see him tomorrow with a gun
<Samwise> "Allright... where's the bastard who MOVED MY CHEESE?!?!"
<tieboy> I'll be taking lots of breaks
<Agent_Orange> Usually, they don't resign and come back. usually they get fired and come back.
<Agent_Orange> but there's a first time for everything
<tieboy> I got the feeling they were doing everything they could to can him
<CrazyClimber> i dunno, resigning to me hints maybe he's a little more unstable.
<daria> yay cubs win!
<wabewalkr> "I resigned hoping that you would appreciate me more! But noooo... you had to hire the hand monkey!"
<daria> hand monkey
<daria> HAHAHAHAHAH
* wabewalkr has resigned so many times it's absurd.
<daria> Ooooh my
<CrazyClimber> if it's any consolation, tie, if he kills you at work, it goes on his Permanent Record
<Lots42> Hand monkey. Oh god, I'm going to remember that when I'm old and gray and senile(r)
<Elkman> So spanking the monkey with the hand monkey actually counts as sex now?
<wabewalkr> That's, of course, not counting the World's Shortest Employment Time.
<daria> oh man i'm still laughing.
<daria> hand monkey
<Agent_Orange> wabe: what's your record?
<wabewalkr> 34 seconds.
<Agent_Orange> wow.
<tieboy> tough to beat
<CrazyClimber> you got paid, right?
<LadyJ> how'd that happen?
<tieboy> maybe i could take this job and quit it faster
<Agent_Orange> "Glad to have you ab--" "FUCK YOU!"
<LadyJ> ha
<CrazyClimber> do it, tie
<CrazyClimber> please, do it
<tieboy> hee hee
<Agent_Orange> "I'll take it!" "Good!" "Psych! Hahahahaha!"
<Samwise> have a camera running. Or a microcassette recorder.
<CrazyClimber> of course, it would take weeks, because you'll still be a temp at first
<LadyJ> "You call this a desk, fucker?"
<wabewalkr> http://www.best.com/~rgm/madness/
<Agent_Orange> "Where's my helper monkey? what? well, FUCK this."
<tieboy> "Welcome to -- " "OH JEEZ THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK OUT YOU'RE SMOTHERING ME"
<Agent_Orange> "Ice cream? that's a *fag* job!"
<tieboy> heh heh
<wabewalkr> Actually, you can skip to: http://www.best.com/~rgm/madness/reality.html
<tieboy> "I can't work naked? I'm outta here."
<CrazyClimber> "You can sit at Tim's old --" "NO, NO, THE PAIN, I CAN'T DO IT"
<Lots42> I don't get it. They fired you for no ties yet they still wanted to keep you?
<wabewalkr> CorporateThink, Lots.
<tieboy> "Here's my new marketing plan for your ice cream." *takes dump on overhead projector*
<CrazyClimber> watch the tv movie, lots, it'll be on lifetime in a month or two
<LadyJ> that would take longer than 34 seconds
<Agent_Orange> "Tim said he was going to come back and kill you all, so maybe I'll take the job next week, if you're still here."
<wabewalkr> Tie, they'd probably think that was "hip" and "with-it."
<tieboy> Yeah! I could plant files on his computer
<Agent_Orange> Toddler pr0n
<tieboy> "Look, it says 'ALL WORK AND NO ARMS MAKE TIM A DULL BOY'"
<wabewalkr> Gigabytes of pictures of hand models.
<Agent_Orange> doctored photos of him sticking his proksword in the fudge ripple
<tieboy> proksword
<tieboy> can't breathe
<Agent_Orange> pork pork prok
<tieboy> gahhhhhhhhhhh
<Agent_Orange> see, I can do it!
<LadyJ> pr0ksword
<tieboy> funny either way
* Agent_Orange gets his medal, drooling all the while
<wabewalkr> "prok" == "prick" + "pork"
<tieboy> fudge ripple
<tieboy> holy geez
<Samwise> snkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkt
<Samwise> dammit, have you fuckers been this funny all week?
<Agent_Orange> hell, no
<tieboy> oh my fucking sides
<Elkman> Only Agt has.
<Samwise> *whew*
<wabewalkr> Not me... I'm only funny when I'm stressed to near death.
<LadyJ> this is just for my benefit
<CrazyClimber> actually, considering today's way over 15%, we're gonna be pretty damn dull the next week or two
<LadyJ> because the world revolves around me
<LadyJ> la la la
* Agent_Orange is showing off, hoping the female will notice him and desire to mate
<Samwise> Oh, it does not.
<LadyJ> when I close my eyes, you all disappear


<wabewalkr> Have you decided on the hand monkey job?
<tieboy> i never heard back from anyone, so I don't even know if i am supposed to go in tomorrow
<wabewalkr> Well, you could be a "good" temp, and go in; or you could be yourself, and rent porn.
<tieboy> then it was "They don't need you friday, so we'll call to let you know about monday"
<tieboy> and then they all vanished into other dimensions or ran off to cuba or something
<tieboy> giggling
<wabewalkr> What exactly did Tim/Tod do?
<tieboy> like, sales data stuff
<tieboy> numbers, numbers, numbers
<wabewalkr> Ah.
<wabewalkr> Analysis, or transcription?
<tieboy> mostly shoving them into charts and printing them out
<spinn> I can see why they really needed him in denver then
<spinn> that's number country
<wabewalkr> Big ol' digit ranches as far as the eye can see.
<raven> Visual of cowboys on horses, riding the number herds.
<spinn> I suppose they figure you're now uniquely qualified to do his job
<tieboy> they figured WRONG
<wabewalkr> Until Tie develops tendonitis.
<spinn> heh
<spinn> and then needs to hire a temp to listen to him grind his teeth
<spinn> o/` the cirrrcle of liiiife.... o/`
* wabewalkr puts on "Shock the Monkey," just for tie.
<tieboy> I'll have the boss sit down at the computer, and I'll say "Here, I'll show you what tim was doing... CLICK HERE CLICK THERE GRIIIIND GRIIIIIND OW MY ARM CLICK THAT CLICK THIS GRIIIIIIND"
<wabewalkr> Then put your hand on his shoulder and massage it suggestively...
<tieboy> a homoerotic massage would have been welcome after that tooth grinding
<spinn> heheh
<spinn> "well after your ordeal, we're scheduling you for a homoerotic massage."
<spinn> chris has mixed feelings, but realizes anything is preferable and agrees
<spinn> goes into a room with a couch, lays down, and a guy enters
<spinn> with his arms bandaged. says "I have severe carpal tunnel, so my temp will be my hands" and then behind him enters...CHRIS
<spinn> AHHHHHHHHHHH
<spinn> cut to cryptkeeper, cackling
<mdxi> man, i miss tales from the crypt
<spinn> heh
<spinn> really entertained myself with that one
<mdxi> gives new meaning to "self-insertion" fanfic
<tieboy> "He'll have a BONE to pick with that temp! hehehehehehehe"
<wabewalkr> Chris the Hand Monkey is going into my movie.
<tieboy> "The title of this alleGORY is called CREEPAL tunnel syndMOAN"
<spinn> "weeee should give the lit-tle monkey...a HAND?! EEEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"
<mdxi> wasn't Chris the Hand Monkey the pets.com mascot?
<wabewalkr> Heh.
<wabewalkr> That too was a temp job.
<tieboy> When everyone is tired of calling me a helper monkey, i predict kelmo will continue to do it for at least 8-10 months


<tieboy> bad ending, though. they called this morning and they're omitting the position altogether
<tieboy> So I'm a monkey without a tree or something
<agent_orange> do you at least get the home version of the game?
<tieboy> I'm a monkey without a handful of his own steaming feces
<tieboy> actually, i've got the feces. Just nowhere to fling it
<raven> well, at least you'll avoid the impending bloodbath.
<tieboy> Yeah, Tim'll come by at least once a week to grind and dispense orders
<keith> Maybe Tim left to work for a voice interface startup?
<tieboy> He could do instructional videos
<keith> And he'll be the helper voice monkey for the mute guy that runs the company.
<agent_orange> so, tie, any new opportunities on the horizon? scraping cheese from the underbreast slick of the fat lady at the carnival or anything?
<tieboy> don't I wish
*** wabewalkr has joined #spinnwebe
<wabewalkr> By the fact that tie is here, I'm assuming that he didn't take the cripple's job.
<tieboy> no, they eliminated the position, wabe
<tieboy> with extreme prejudice
<agent_orange> "We've decided to cut back on cripples. Sorry."
<Mr-Ben> "We're not hiring people with web pages."
<kaufman> they eliminated the "grabbing the wrist and screaming in agony" position?
<tieboy> my screams of pain were'nt pathetic and wimpy enough for their needs


Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!