<KemloCaesar> anyone know what it means to gauss, as in to de-gauss your monitor?
<SoiledGreen> you take a baseball bat to it.
<Darren> well, I know what de-gaussing is
<raven> and then set it on fire.
<SoiledGreen> and dance naked around it.
<Leth> urinatin- oh wait, that's keyboard
<KemloCaesar> no, you're thinking of the channel.
<Darren> well, if gaussing is the opposite of de-gaussing, you just wave big fucking magnets all over the screen until the picture deforms
<mdxi> you wrap tantalum-neodymium wiring arounf it and then connect the ends to a 3.8957GeV power source
<SoiledGreen> and throw it in the bathtub and jump in.
<Darren> mmmm tantalum
<mdxi> then bombard it with a pure nertron stream for at least 45 seconds
<mdxi> oops, i meant "nerftron"
<Darren> tantalizing tantalum
<KemloCaesar> yes, actually.
<KemloCaesar> that's where the name comes from.
<KemloCaesar> named for "tantalus", who was sentenced to hell for the human sacrifice of his son to the gods.
<antihero> like nuetrons, only rubbery and pleasant?
<KemloCaesar> the gods were displeased with him, so they resurrected his son
<Darren> I see
<KemloCaesar> (except for the elbow, because they'd already eaten that.)
<SoiledGreen> wonderful, wonderful.
*** KemloCaesar has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by raven (raven)
*** KemloCaesar has joined #spinnwebe
<Darren> how about vanadium?
<KemloCaesar> named after the Vanir.
<kaufman> Vanna White
<KemloCaesar> Norse gods.
<Darren> named for Jean Claude van Damme I suppose
<SoiledGreen> grr..
<Antihero> Vanna Have Sex?
<SoiledGreen> it's Haff.
<Darren> americium was a corruption of "and a Merry Christmas!" after the guy that was naming it got stuck halfway up the chimney
<Darren> antimony is what you give away after divorce
<KemloCaesar> actually, i think it means "hatred of monks"
<Darren> oh, so that's why they use it in church bells
<KemloCaesar> because monasteries tended to die of antimony poisoning.
<kaufman> Uranium was named by a proctologist
<Leth> no, that's antichimpony
<KemloCaesar> So it's the Jack Chick element.
<Darren> osmium was discovered by the Wonderful Wizard
<Antihero> Beware! The Great and Powerful Osmium!
<KemloCaesar> from its stench.
<Darren> The yellow brick road got its colour from the Osmium
<KemloCaesar> although, considering how unbefuckinglievably toxic it is, I can't imagine how anyone could have smelled enough of it to judge.
<SoiledGreen> hrm.
<kaufman> Yttrium was discovered on his computer monitor by John Muir. He composed a palidnrome.
<Darren> have we a volunteer I wonder?
<Leth> bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz swat
<Darren> of fuck Kaufman, that's one step from a kick
<Darren> Ytterbium was discovered by his wife Betty Muir, who made an anagram
* agent_orange adds a seven-foot bug zapper to the channel furnishings
<SoiledGreen> i have always loved those things.
<Darren> how about a cattleprod too?
<SeanQ> periodic table humor.. oh what a merry band of fucking weenies are we
<Antihero> Isn't it always a little disturbing when they have those at like, restaurants?
<kaufman> The abbreviation for tin was composed by someone who suppressed a laugh *very* well
<Antihero> Say, the quizno's at the local mall?
<Darren> cattleprods or bugzappers?
<Antihero> bugzappers
<KemloCaesar> agt - problem is, though - once the seven-foot bugs get zapped, how're we going to get their corpses out of here?
<Darren> mind you, having cattleprods at a restaurant would be disturbing enough
<agent_orange> what's this "we," white man?
<KemloCaesar> be a good restaurant name, though.
<kaufman> not if you get to kill your own steak
<KemloCaesar> "Come on down to Cattleprod's!"
<Darren> your steak would be any customer you didn't like
<SeanQ> Elk?
<SoiledGreen> so fresh, you kill it yourself.
<KemloCaesar> Elksteak
<KemloCaesar> if it's not there in seventeen minutes, it's free
<Antihero> The local mall to which i'm referring has a terrace balcony, so the bugs come in a bit more
<mdxi> i'd just like to point out that monasteries don't die; they are buildings. further, monks didn't TEND to die of antimony poisoning, a specific group of them did (possibly, the book contiaining the reference is on the apocryphal side), after imbibing it as a weight-gain agent.
<Darren> glad you pointed that out, mdxi
<Darren> however the word is "containing"
<KemloCaesar> mdxi - for "monasteries", read "monasteries full of monks"
<SoiledGreen> and they would have cattle prods too.
<Antihero> Yeah- I agree. But I'm talking about bugzappers here that i've seen lately
<mdxi> pedantry is as pedantry does, kemlo
<kaufman> for "monks", read "monks full of antimony"
<KemloCaesar> saint francis's brotherhood of the holy cowshockers?
<agent_orange> for "weight-gain agent", read "semen"
*** SoiledGreen is now known as MonkWithACattleProd
<Leth> for "interest" see "feigning"
<KemloCaesar> "semen orange"?
<MonkWithACattleProd> HEEEEEEEEEEEY FUCKERS!
<Antihero> For "semen", read "man-juice"
<Darren> for antimony read "a substance primarily consisting of the chemical element antimony, but possibly with negligible or insignificant trace amounts of other substances which we do not consider worth considering"
*** Darren is now known as CowWithAManProd
<MonkWithACattleProd> C'MERE LITTLE DOGIES! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<kaufman> foe "manjuice" read "goalie69"
<CowWithAManProd> C'MERE MONK
<raven> monks were trying to bulk up?
* Leth buckles in, as the rapids on this stream of consciousness approach Class VIII
*** CowWithAManProd is now known as Darren
<KemloCaesar> darren, i'd hope you have a ManProd
*** MonkWithACattleProd is now known as SoiledGreen
<Antihero> well, i'm assuming these were monks when, in the middle ages?
<Darren> monks needed to build up their thighs for all that late-night praying
<kaufman> paddle, dammit!
<KemloCaesar> no, in the 1950s.
<Darren> Kemlo, why? you don't need prodding I take it?
<Antihero> Aren't monks like, bad-ass warriors?
<kaufman> in fact
<Antihero> Like in EverQuest?
* kaufman gives leth a paddlecrod
<SoiledGreen> no, they are quiet badass warriors.
<KemloCaesar> to be a skinny monk was considered evidence of communist sympathies.
<Antihero> and/or many other role-playing games
<Darren> some monks are fat and jolly like Friar Tuck
<kaufman> to be a chippy monk was considered evidence of rodental ties
<SoiledGreen> well, he was a fucktard.
<Darren> his friends named him after his attitude to every woman he met but they got it spoonerized
<Darren> to be a gay monk was considered evidence of homosexuality
<kaufman> he burned their trucks?
<KemloCaesar> the point that bugged me about that story, though, was that if the gods could resurrect Tantalus's son, why couldn't they give him back his elbow?
<Darren> you know what I mean, Kaufman
*** KemloCaesar has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by agent_orange (This is a regularly scheduled kick.)
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<Darren> kemlo - they wanted it for sex
<Antihero> KemloCaesar: cause the gods were wacky bastards.
<kaufman> it made a matched pair with Achilles' heel
<KemloCaesar> yeah, I suppose the greek gods were into Rocky Horror.
<SoiledGreen> h4wt 3|b0w pr0n! LQQK!
<Antihero> They said, "Hey Orpheus, you can have her back. Suuurrre, just don't look back.
<Darren> so he had his arm but not his elbow
<kaufman> anti: s/wacky/humorous
<Antihero> until you're <whisper>both</whisper> out of hades"
<Darren> that must have made masturbation very awkward
<KemloCaesar> well, he was an ancient greek; he did what the ancient greeks did.
<KemloCaesar> "women for duty, boys for pleasure, sheep for discretion."
<SoiledGreen> *slip*wapwapwap*slip*ow!*wapwap*slip*ow!*
<Darren> now *that* is racist
<Antihero> kaufman: I meant more s/wacky/"Fucked up yet funny because it didn't happen to us"
<Darren> well, it probably would be funny to us even if it did
<KenLunch> and I meant humorous because it's connected to the elbow
<Darren> look at what happened to Kyol
<SoiledGreen> arg. luke is acting like he does not know me..
<Darren> that's classy humour, ken, sure you belong here?
<Antihero> I wouldn't laugh if my idiotic ass caused my love to be relegated to the underworld for eternity.
<SoiledGreen> i'm using a different realname.
<KenLunch> sorry, won't happen again
<Antihero> Just because I can't pay attention.
<KenLunch> anti: f-f-f-funt!
<mdxi> ass-love means condemnation to the underworld?
<Darren> poor boi
<Darren> maybe they didn't give his elbow back because his elbow had powers
<KemloCaesar> .... oh fuck, it was his shoulder, not his elbow.
<Antihero> hrm? I wasn't referring to ass-love.
<SeanQ> ... we now join "Not Without My Thorazine!" already in progress
<Antihero> Ass-love for everyone, I say
<SoiledGreen> JOOD JOB KEMLO.
<Antihero> Everyone who wants it, at least
<Antihero> I won't force it on anyone
<Darren> s/on/in/
<Darren> bend over all who consent to Antihero's request
*** KemloCaesar has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by mdxi (i don't have any water, grapes or elbows; have some foot :)
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* agent_orange smashes the glass case containing the emergency ritalin
