An Afternoon With #spinnwebe
Prelude : Sourcerunner: the Internet's URL Squatter
<kaufman> google for internet sourceline
<jeeb> kaufman: Google says internet sourceline is http://www.spinnoff.com/swhc/FF-iSourceline.html or http://www.spinnoff.com/swhc/FF-Tude.html or http://www.spinnwebe.com/brainshots/index.php?
<kaufman> a sweep!
<CrazyClimber> except the last one isn't gonna do anything
<kaufman> well, that's what the question mark's for
<KemloCaesar> in fact, we're the first /four/
<kaufman> uncertainty and all that
<SeanQ> jeeb google for sourcerunner
<jeeb> SeanQ: Google says sourcerunner is http://www.sourcerunner.com/ or http://www.spinnwebe.com/brainshots/index.php? or http://titanafterearthfanfic.homestead.com/links.html
<kaufman> it's like schroedinger's url
<kaufman> the gnomes of rambo?
<SeanQ> huh... that last sourcerunner hit is a TitanAE fan page (obviously), but it has the following line:
<SeanQ> These links have absolutely nothing to do with Titan A.E., but I work at SourceRunner, so go and read my stuff!
<tieboy> cyberjournalism is sure taking its sweet fucking time
<SeanQ> with a nifty ad banner that goes to the gaping hole at sourcerunner.com: http://titanafterearthfanfic.homestead.com/files/sourcerunner.gif
<spinn> Iknow, I wish they'd hurry up and invent it
<tieboy> i'm starting to feel like sourcerunner isn't the internet's sourcerunner
<SeanQ> that .gif could probably be cleverly corrupted by someone with more time and talent than i
<SeanQ> i.e., just about anyone
* Samwise waves his time & talent at Sean
<SeanQ> Sourcerunner: the Internet's URL Squatter
<Lots42> All your sourcerunner are sourcerunner?
<tieboy> irreverant URL Squatter
<SeanQ> 'Content Wanted. infinite Patience Required.'
<Elkman> "Listener's Wanted. Political Incorrectnes's Required; hopefully."
<tieboy> there's no source, and it's not running
<SeanQ> at least they replaced the radio tower in the old logo with ASCII art, really upgraded it from the 1940's to the 1980's
<Elkman> Huh. This page doesn't have any slash on it.
<agent_orange> Hey, SQ, does this mean iSourceline, the Internet's Sourceline, is back On The Air?
<SeanQ> agto: back, he's got another cutting edge placeholder up at www.sourceline.com
<SeanQ> google just found a link to it from one of his 'writers'
<agent_orange> what the *hell?*
<agent_orange> that yahoo.com address says savvy to me
<agent_orange> uh-oh. dig the source code.
<agent_orange> ah, shit. same thing.
<agent_orange> interesting -- the vrartch.com placeholder has an unseen fram link to some japanese ISP
<agent_orange> er, that should be http://www.vrarch.com/
<CrazyClimber> oh, i didn't look
<CrazyClimber> but that's weird, setting it up in a full-window frame
<KemloCaesar> don't go relling the vatch, mind you
<agent_orange> vrarch.com, the Internet's vRarch
<CrazyClimber> agt - note the vrarch source code
<CrazyClimber> it includes your IP
<Elkman> "Your's Info".
Scene I : We Call That "Buttfucking" Down Here
<tieboy> hm. a new game. typosweeper
<SeanQ> making them or finding them?
<agent_orange> if its making them, I'll kich alk your assess
<tieboy> EXTREM TYOPS!!!
<KemloCaesar> ecx5rtge#E,m T^Y)OSP!11!!
<SoiledGreen> eyem aey goud tiepr!
<CrazyClimber> sigh. one stealth meeting down, some unknown quantity greater than one to go.
<agent_orange> "Stealth" meeting? vas is das?
<CrazyClimber> when your boss sneaks up on you from behind
<agent_orange> we call that "buttfucking" down here
<CrazyClimber> i have a rear-view mirror on my monitor, so i can hide windows that need to be hid.
<agent_orange> but now I have a new euphemism!
<CrazyClimber> the way we squeal, agt, that ain't a stealth meeting.
<agent_orange> "What were you ding in that rest stop all night?" "Stealth meeting, dear!"
<Elkman> "Objects in mirror may be more clueless than they appear."
<SeanQ> how fast can you ALT-TAB out of this window?
<CrazyClimber> well, don't forget, i've got the rear-view mirror.
<agent_orange> you need to get a webcan so we can all help
<CrazyClimber> i don't even have to worry about it, since she has one on her monitor, too.
<agent_orange> webcam, you dough-fingered son-of-a-bitch!!
<SeanQ> a rear-view mirror, or an IRC window?
<Samwise> Yeah, so when the boss comes by, it won't only be an IRC window, but an IRC window full of "BOB! QUICK, MAKE WITH THE PRETENDING TO WORK!"
<CrazyClimber> heh, the rear-view mirror.
<agent_orange> HERE SHE COMES!
<agent_orange> HERE SHE COMES!
<agent_orange> HERE SHE COMES!
<Samwise> HEY BOB SURE HOPE YOU'RE WORKING!
<agent_orange> oy, "YO YO WHOSE THE BITCH WIT DA TITTIEES??!!??"
<SeanQ> D00D THAT'S ILLEGAL, YOU'LL BE FIRED FOR SURE!
<Samwise> HEY, BOB - YES, YOU, BOB - CLOSE THIS WINDOW BEFORE THEY SEE YOU USING NON-APPROVED SOFTWARE!
<Samwise> Sorry. I'm done now.
<SeanQ> DOES SHE KNOW YOU HAVE THAT WEBCAM UNDER HER DESK YET?
<SeanQ> okay, now I'm done, too
<CrazyClimber> sure, shoot your wad and roll over and doze off, guys
<Elkman> Is that an order?
<CrazyClimber> ruffiani keep going until the very last drop of humor has been wrung, and then a little more
* Samwise is spent
<Samwise> Should I cuddle with you?
<CrazyClimber> you can't afford me.
<SoiledGreen> andd sam's too cheap anyway.
<CrazyClimber> well, yeah, i didn't want to insult him
<CrazyClimber> but since you did, i have no trouble confirming it.
<Samwise> Cheap? What, just because I didn't make you buy me dinner?
<CrazyClimber> last time he was in town, he was mr. "whattaya mean, at home they blow me for 3 ears of corn, not real money"
<tieboy> corn tastes better when you've earned it
Scene II : I Don't Want To Be Rammed Up A Butt
<jacquilyn> daria: it's one o those days when everybody wants major decisions about all kidns of things. The kind of day when I wish I worked on teh line at Honda and never had to make any decision more complicated than whether to use an overhand or underhand grip on my wrench while I tightened the third bolt.
<agent_orange> just alternate yelling YES NO & MAYBE at whoever dares speak to you
<SeanQ> jacq: you need a magic 8-ball
<tieboy> an exploding one
<jacquilyn> That'd probably be just as good at making decisions as me at this point.
<SeanQ> someone asks you to make a decision, just pick it up, *shake* *shake*, "My sources say no, Dave."
<tieboy> *shake shake* "My sources say: ram it up the butt of whoever asked the last question"
<agent_orange> just pretend to look at the eight ball. Shake it, then without looking at it: "Sure, frank. that sounds *great*."
<tieboy> "it being me, the 8-ball"
<jacquilyn> I'm supposed to ram you up the butt, tie? That sounds rather painful for you, and rathe rdifficult for me?
* jacquilyn apologizes immediately for that joke.
<tieboy> i don't want to be rammed up a butt
*** jacquilyn has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to ph33r zomp's
<jacquilyn> Damn that didn't work very well.
*** Leth has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to ph33r zomp's d&d, thursday night at 10 cst! >jacquilyn< I'm supposed to ram you up the butt, tie?
<Leth> there ya go, I fixed it
<CrazyClimber> just like new!
<Elkman> Besides, we all know Jacqui is more interested in Tie's crotch than in his butt.
<jacquilyn> I want you all to kow that I thnk you're mean to me and I'm going to cry.
<tieboy> hey, i'm the one getting rammed up the butt
<tieboy> as we speak
<jacquilyn> By who?
<jacquilyn> Because I'm definitely not aprticipating in that activity.
<KemloCaesar> wait, wait - is it tie getting rammed up jacq's butt, or up his own?
<tieboy> didn't get the name
<agent_orange> Do try and keep up, Lad!
<tieboy> but i'm short of rent
<tieboy> and short in general
<SeanQ> tie: you and jacq get called into a 'stealth meeting'?
<agent_orange> If you had an eight-ball up your butt, questioners would have to shake your booty and then peer up the porthole to get an answer
<agent_orange> "Sources say f-f-f-f-unt!"
<tieboy> "Outlook shitty"
Scene III : Their Drawers Are Full Of Crap
<KemloCaesar> how is Wes Craven like a writing desk?
<CrazyClimber> pour gasoline on both and light them and they both burn?
* KemloCaesar makes a note of that....
<KemloCaesar> good, good... any others?
<SeanQ> they both support bad screenwriters?
<jacquilyn> That would rathe rdepend on the composition of the desk.
<jacquilyn> Craven, on the other hand, is gauranteed combustion.
<CrazyClimber> throw them off the roof and they both end up in satisfying shards?
<jacquilyn> So if teh situation ever arises, opt to burn Wessy boy.
<Leth> they both would look good in my living room with a coat of polyeurethane applied
<SeanQ> neither of them are smart enough to know when the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' series should end
<SeanQ> actually, s/screenwriters/screenplays/ in my earlier answer
<Leth> eh, I liked writers better
<SeanQ> but technically the desk doesn't support the writer
<Leth> sure, when he passes out on it after drinking the requisite two bottles of Jim Beam to crank out "See Spot Run"
<spinn> their drawers are full of crap?
<spinn> kinda assumes a few things, but what the hey.
Scene IV : Damn, Did I Miss Anything?
*** SIGNOFF: KemloCaesar (Connection reset by peer)
<Leth> oh well, we'll just tell him he missed out on some of our finest comedy
<Elkman> Missed out on viewing it, or creating it?
*** KemloCaesar has joined #spinnwebe
<Leth> wow, after that run, I'm tapped
<Leth> man, that was fast & furious
<KemloCaesar> damn, 'd I miss anything?
<CrazyClimber> all i could sit was sit here and stare in awe
<SeanQ> my fingers hurt
<CrazyClimber> that was better than this morning
<SeanQ> and my sides!
<tiefood> i haven't laughed that hard in a while
<SeanQ> i've never seen this window scroll so fast
<tiefood> and Sean with those four in a row... damn dood
* SeanQ catches his breath
<Leth> I should go get a soda or something, catch my breath
<Elkman> This is too funny for Raven to log it.
* SeanQ catches leth's breath for him while he's at it
<CrazyClimber> yeah, a dirt snake would feel really good right about now
Scene V : This Time, It Was My Own Urine
<tiefood> wow, i actually squirted urine in my pants
<SeanQ> that's unusual, tie?
<tiefood> well, this time it was my own urine
<agent_orange> Tieboy Urine Fantasy
<SeanQ> Tie Musk
<tieboy> Wet From Other Than Swet
<CrazyClimber> Freshly Watered Daisies
<agent_orange> Not My Urine.com
<Leth> tie has daisies in his pants?
<Elkman> That's what Jacqui called them, anyway.
<raven> "he loves me, he loves me not...."
<jacquilyn> You peopel are MEAN!
<Leth> news flash
<CrazyClimber> *Jacquilyn is now known as iSourceline
<jacquilyn> Yeah, but usually you're mean to Kemlo or Schumin or somebody who deserves it.
Scene VI : What's Taking So Long?
<Elkman> Yeah, but one day, you'll look back at this and laugh.
<jacquilyn> Elk: at the rate Raven's logging stuff these days, that day'sll probably be in about ten minutes.
<spinn> has anyone checked for it yet?
<raven> I haven't wrapped it up yet.
<spinn> I have the artwork almost done
<spinn> sean, how are the liner notes coming?
<Elkman> What artwork? The "daisies" in tie's pants?
<CrazyClimber> no, that's the "hidden track"
<SeanQ> ftping them now, spinn
<spinn> wht's taking so long? we had this conversation over four minutes ago
<tieboy> okay, I've got Donald Sutherland as a 'maybe' for the audio version
<spinn> spatch had the foreward in my e-mail almost immediately
<SeanQ> spinn: dial-up
<SeanQ> besides, you still have 13 minutes to wait for Elk's share
<Elkman> Can we get the Laziest Men on Mars guy to do the audio soundtrack?
<spinn> and then at least that long for me to type all the "HAW"s to adequately express my mirth at that
<SeanQ> and another five minutes to mop up all of the dripping sarcasm
<spinn> oh no I think we could maybe squeeze a little more sarcasm out than that
Epilogue : Here's Your Damn Log, Fucktard.
<raven> I'm still not happy with the title... "An Afternoon With #spinnwebe" "Scenes From A #spinnwebe"
<Leth> "The other 85%"
<tieboy> "Confab from Spinnwebe"
<agent_orange> "A Magic Eight Ball Up The Jacksey: A #Spinnwebe Reader's Theater Special Event"
<Elkman> "Here's Your Damn Log, Fucktard."