#spinnwebe Logs : Jesus May Be A Redneck If...

<Lots42> Jesus's Teenage Years. New from NBC.
<kaufman> Hey dudes, wanna turn the water fountain into wine?
<Mr-Ben> How about Jack Daniels instead?
<Elkman> Cherry wine?
<Mr-Ben> Boone's Farm?
<KemloCaesar> Let's paint graffiti on the walls of the Roman garrison!
<Lots42> "Shit! Bob wiped out on the interstate. Come on, Jesus, you got raise him before his mom gets home!"
<kaufman> Today on "What If": What if Jesus was a redneck
<KemloCaesar> ... he'd've been born in a barn?
<Lots42> In a very special episode of 'Jesus' Teenage Years', Jesus's friend Bob comes out of the closet. Jesus stones him
*** Signoff: spinn (zzz)
<Mr-Ben> o/` What if? What if? What if? What if I...? o/`
<KemloCaesar> ... teenage mother who claimed to have not had sex with anyone...
<Lots42> Shit! We drove Spinn off!
<KemloCaesar> "It was the Holy Spirit, I tells you!"
<kaufman> "Let he who is without bong get stoned first, man!"\
<Lots42> If your cross is tied together with chairs, you're a bible era redneck.
<KemloCaesar> If you nail people to trees, you might be a redneck.
*** spinn (spinn@216.80.39.205) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<spinn> dang. quit the wrong thing
<Lots42> If you have a cart on rocks outside your cave, you're a redneck
<CrazyClimber> you been using these computer thingies long, spinn?
<spinn> oh, format you, bob
<kaufman> If you don't put your dead savior in a cave, but instead out on cinder blocks in the yard ...
<Lots42> If Jesus is feeding thousands with bread and you ask when Bingo starts...
<KemloCaesar> Ken - how else do you expect him to get struck by lightning?
<Lots42> If you burial vestements read 'Property Of The Inn'...
<KemloCaesar> If you speak Aramaic with a drawl...
<Lots42> If you cast a fishing line into the parted Red Seas...
<Lots42> If you pee off the side of the Ark...
<KemloCaesar> If your family tree does not fork, but that's okay because it only goes back three generations...
<Mr-Ben> If you bugger the sheep on the ark...
<Lots42> http://www.redneckdancingjesus.com
<spinn> heh, yeah. "if your family tree doesn't fork, but it's because Adam is your grandpa..."
<Mr-Ben> If you bugger the sheep on the ark...
<Mr-Ben> *** Leth^ has joined #spinnwebe
<Leth^> mmm.....not baaaad
<Lots42> If your fig leave has racing stripes...
<Mr-Ben> I guess it means if you bugger the sheep on the ark, Leth logs into #s innwebe.
<KemloCaesar> Freshly Buggered Sheep?
<Lots42> Leth...a name to bugger sheep by.
<kaufman> If your commandments begin: "Y'all shalt not ..."
<Leth^> oh, lemme guess, we're talking about Missouri now
<Lots42> It's Parkay, not bugger
<Mr-Ben> If your tenth commandment begins "Y'all shall not admit adultery"...
<Elkman> If your psalms are all accompanied by banjoes.
<Lots42> If you bring a casket of wine to the Gladatorial Fights...
<Mr-Ben> If your three wise men are Tim McGraw, Hank Williams Jr., and Alan Jackson...
<kaufman> that's seventh. Tenth is "Y'all shalt not cover y'all's neighbor's ass"
<KemloCaesar> *Everyone* brought caskets of wine to the Gladiator Fights.
<Lots42> If you bring Coors Light to the gladiator fights...
<KemloCaesar> Better.
<kaufman> s/wine/moonshine
<Leth^> If you have at least two chariots on blocks in your lawn...
<CrazyClimber> "Y'all shalt not sleep with your neighbor's wife unless she's your sister and you saw her first"
<Mr-Ben> If you bring an Austin 3:16 sign to the gladiator fights...
<Lots42> If you use Lots' wife for your margurita...
<Mr-Ben> Hey man, that's YOUR wife!
<kaufman> lots: is that an offer?
<Lots42> Yeah, leave her the fuck alone!
<Lots42> If your coat of many colors is accompanied by undies of many colors...
<KemloCaesar> If you mow your lawn and find a Lost Tribe...
<kaufman> If your cart has a sticker: "How's my driving? 1-800-SACRIFICE-A-BIG-GOAT"
<KemloCaesar> If you slay ten thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass, because you just happened to have one left over from dinner...
<Mr-Ben> If you ever caught a Gideon leaving Bibles in your room, so you put him out in the cornfield as a scarecrow...
*** Signoff: Leth^ (Zap! Another victim of idled!)
<Mr-Ben> Whoops, gotta run. Buh-bye!
*** Signoff: Mr-Ben (Aw, batshit!)
<Lots42> Sheesh
<SeanQ> Exodus
<KemloCaesar> Deuteronomy
*** SeanQ has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by kaufman (Judges)
*** SeanQ (sean.reyno@nrwl-sh1-port44.snet.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<Lots42> If you tell your servants to slay the fat cow and your wife goes missing...
<kaufman> If the lions' den smells better than your bathroom ...
<Lots42> If you don't watch the christians fight the lions because it's a waste of good meat...