APPLY TITS UNTIL GUSHING SODA COMMENCES
<jacquilyn> Hrmm. My pop can tab has failed to operate correctly.
<jacquilyn> Now I'm not sure if there's a plan b for opening thse things.
<agent_orange> ***Jacquilyn weeps hysterically
<spinn> jac, a pop tab works by applying leveraged pressure to the bit that's been machine cut to open
<jacquilyn> Anybody know of any other way to get into a pop can that doesn't involve exploding?
<Samwise> jacqui: have a butter knife?
<jacquilyn> Well, see, I can apply pressure, but the leverage thing is hard.
<jacquilyn> Sam, no.
<Samwise> Hrmm... have a nice, broad flathead screwdriver?
<jacquilyn> Umm, no, now one of those either.
<jacquilyn> Nor, by the way, do I have a chisel.
<Kyol> How about a pen?
<jacquilyn> A pen I have.
<agent_orange> get howard to pry it open with his rock-hard dick
<Samwise> jacqui, someone does. Go check the kitchen, and if not there, pester an engineer.
<Kyol> Punch a hole at the top, punch a hole at the bottom and "shotgun" the beverage.
<spinn> oh, yeah. get a smart man-animal to do it. they have lots of leverage.
<Samwise> Isn't there a kitchen?
<agent_orange> how about you go get another can?
<jacquilyn> Well, sure, there's a whole cafeteria, but if I had time to go back down to the cafeteria, I'd just get anohter can.
<Samwise> Hrm... letter opener?
<spinn> it simply isn't worth the risk, jacq
<spinn> collect dew from the condensation of a nearby window and wait for park rangers to pinpoint your location
<jacquilyn> Assuming I had a broad flat metal object, sam, in what way would I use it to open the can?
<Samwise> You'd put it in much the same place that the tab is/was.
<jacquilyn> Besides puncturing it as per Kyol which is what I'm trying to avoid.
<spinn> my guess is that you lay the knife or whathaveyou across the tab and push evenly down
* raven sends jacq back to Physics 101 : Basic Mechanics.
<Samwise> Then press down gently but firmly in much the same way as the tab ought to have.
<Samwise> It should break the seal and press the tab without blowing up.
<spinn> or, call it a failed mission and GET OUT BEFORE YOU'RE SPOTTED
<agent_orange> fuck it. the day is lost. by the time you decide you DO have time to go the cafteria, it'll be 4:57
<jacquilyn> How about we forget I ever asked.
* raven sends jacq flares to aid in the rescue effort.
<agent_orange> so just go home now and take some prozac
<spinn> sure, now that we've told you how to do it, just toss us away
<Lots42> I want some prozac
<jacquilyn> Son of a bitch, that hurt.
<spinn> you didn't just do it with your thumb
* jacquilyn pressed down on the tab with her finger until it popped.
<spinn> GLAD I TYPED UP ALL THAT
<Kyol> And after you "shotgun" the beverage, you can make a nifty "marijuana pipe" out of it.
<spinn> next time I'll just say APPLY TITS UNTIL GUSHING SODA COMMENCES and let you work it out on your own
<jacquilyn> I'm sorry, did you at some point provide some *useful* advice that I missed spinn.
<agent_orange> okay, who violated the prime directive and introduced pop-top technology to canada before they were ready for it?
<spinn> spinn: my guess is that you lay the knife or whathaveyou across the tab and push evenly down
<jacquilyn> Cuz while I noticed Sam trying to be vaguely useful, all you did was mock.
<spinn> spinn: jac, a pop tab works by applying leveraged pressure to the bit that's been machine cut to open
<spinn> that was the first thing I said. if you heard sarcasm in that, that was on your side of your skull, not out here
<jacquilyn> Oh, see, I assumed that scond bit was mocking because the tab no longer existed - hence the failure.
<jacquilyn> And the first bit was, uh, kind of obvious.
<spinn> no, that was explaining what had to be done to get it open
<me_tew> so how does a cow give milk?
<agent_orange> god damn
<spinn> and this wasn't treating you like you were stupid, just that once you get used to a certain thing sometimes you forget how it actually works
<spinn> if it was ob-vi-ous...
* agent_orange would hate to be the waiter that explains to Jacq how to eat a lobster
<jacquilyn> I understand how a pop tab works. My point was that I didn't know what would work as an adequate replacement for one which no longer existed.
<jacquilyn> And the answer to that, btw, is definitely *not* my finger.
<agent_orange> that cafeteria must be WAY the fuck away
<spinn> "hey, jacq, I was wondering if you could OH MY GOD WHERE DID ALL THIS BLOOD COME FROM" "well, you know...the caf is two floors down"
* raven works on instructions for band-aid application
<GhostKoder> jac: Do you have any nail clippers? You might be able to open them up, use them to grab onto the little tab nub (grip it off center so that most of the clipper is over the tabe portion), and then pull sideways like you would on the pop tab.
<spinn> gk: scrollback is your friend. except for now, when it isn't
<agent_orange> hey, leave him alone
<agent_orange> it's tough to be the slow one
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