My kid's three, and plays with cars. Apparently I'm doing SOMETHING wrong...
<raven> good lord. http://pageantworld.net/brag.shtml
<Leth> oh, good, I don't have to post that one in here
<raven> whole families of kids whored out.
<Leth> Sweet Pea Pageants Florida State, 0-12 month Queen, Most Photogenic, Best Attire, Swimwear, Personality, Portfolio, Smile, Face, Hair, and Sportswear
<Leth> that's my favorite. Whoring them out as infants
<Kyol> Man. If that isn't child abuse, I don't know what is.
<raven> Rheaven Ilena Nicole Sandoval - could they give her a more pretentious name?
<Elkman> "Your Pageant World on the Net" -- haven't I seen this before?
<raven> "I was still two then. I work really hard so I can better."
<Leth> Mommy says I am a very special little girl because after having my two big brothers, Nathan Trent and Eric Logan, she didn't think she was able to have anymore babies.
<Leth> that's from a page for a 6 month old
<Elkman> How much makeup did they put on Rheaven, anyway/
<Leth> heh... Mercedes Bobbitt. Poor kid.
<raven> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/vkennedy.shtml - She must have been sooo disapppointed when the eldest boy turned out "husky".
<mdxi> IT'S NOT ABUSE ITS PERFECTLY HEALTHY TRANSFERRENCE OF UNREALIZED HOPES AND DREAMS CAUSED BY GROWING UP IN AN ERA OF IMPOSSIBLE CONFORMITY AND PERFECTION
<raven> How does Mercedes keep her eyelids open with that much mascara on them>
<Leth> "Kint yoo trah that booleemya thing, Ky?"
<raven> oh god....
<Leth> rave: the mascara acts as spackle
<Elkman> "A true winner wins humble and loses with dignity." She's 21 MONTHS OLD. She hasn't had time to learn humility and dignity!
<raven> "I have a big brother name Matthew. God put a blindfold over his eyes(inside)so he can't see. But, he is very special!!!!"
<Elkman> Kids these age should be banging on pots and pans in the kitchen and annoying their moms, not forced to dress up and walk up and down in pageants.
<Kyol> Oh, erm. Uh.
<Leth> Brianna Faith Christianna Roth
<Kyol> Have any of you gone to a pageantworld page that doesn't exist?
<Leth> trying to mask the Jewishness behind long pretentious WASPy names
<Kyol> These names. They all remind me of something.
<mdxi> the devil?
<Kyol> Oh, RIGHT. I know. My brother's pedigreed dauschund's full name.
<Leth> huh, a gunship on the 404 page?
<Elkman> Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
<Kyol> (nod) WTF's with _that_?
<mdxi> would not take
<Leth> YOU BETTER NOT TYPE THE URL WRONG AGAIN, FUCKNUT!
<jacquilyn> Hrmm. I bet you Mallory wrote this herself: I love being a cheerleader for my school, reading, fishing with my grandfather, traveling around, meeting people, riding in parades, and all the many jobs her titles require.
<mdxi> shel silverstein is one of my all-time heroes
<Kyol> My brother's dog's full name is something silly like Rudy Von Schluberbanger mit Auschwertengen und Mippietymop or something.
<jacquilyn> Hey, shel silverstein is one of *my* all time heroes. You got a problem wit that.
<Leth> Kyol: sure. The AKC requires unique names for some stupid reason
<Elkman> Me? No.
<mdxi> show dogs tend to be named like a cross between D&D spells and western movies
<mdxi> Mordenkainen's Prismatic Rider on the Sage
<Elkman> "Special This month - Banner's."
<Kyol> Oh, yeah. It's cute for a dog, but naming your _kid_ like that is just. Just. Trashy.
<raven> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/blainey.shtml This one just screams future alcoholic Mary Kay representative still clinging to big southern salon hair.
<Leth> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/hannahhallam.shtml She's 3 years old, and already has a bouffant. My kid's three, and plays with cars. Apparently I'm doing SOMETHING wrong...
<Leth> AIIEE rave
<Leth> psycho Tammy Fay in training
<jacquilyn> Proof that this psychotness is not jsut a white trash thing.
<Elkman> How in the world did they get Blainey's hair like that without chloroforming her?
<raven> a three-year-old : bagels with cream cheese and salads are my favorites
<SoiledGreen> much skill, kemosabi.
<Samwise> That's just wrong.
<Leth> heh... the only one so far without a pic: I also competed to Glamour Dolls USA Nationals this year. I did not win, but I did place in everything except for photogenic.
<raven> "And afterwards, mommy help me throw up!"
<kaufman> and don't forget the delightful purge afterwards
<SoiledGreen> sam, that's more than wrong. that's sick.
<Samwise> See, is it wrong of me to wish bad fortune upon these people?
<Leth> No Sam. Is it wrong for me to want to set up camp with these pages and a photoshop?
<Samwise> Not constantly. just once, one time, I want them mugged. Or have a dying person plead for their help.
<Elkman> Leth: Let me know the URL when you're done.
<SoiledGreen> they should rename it to "Hookers in Training".
<raven> I think it's your duty as part of the global village helping raise those kids.
<Samwise> Leth: be sure to send 'em a copy.
<kaufman> Elian needs some sisters
<SoiledGreen> all of them will become alcoholics and drug addled teens by the time they are 22.
<maime> as if these pages aren't the pedophile's dream
* kaufman 's head explodes parsing Soiled's proclamation
<raven> yeah, you just *know* this is a favorite wankstation on the info superhwy.
<Elkman> If you're 22, that's kind of old to be a teen.
<SoiledGreen> well, anywhere from 17-22.
<SoiledGreen> that's my guess.
<raven> This one's just begging for a quick death. http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/tpeferkorn.shtml
<maime> taylor cezanne? what the fuck?
<Elkman> I haven't seen one of these kids north of the Mason-Dixon line yet.
<SoiledGreen> "moooooom! get your fin-ger outta my mooooouth!"
<maime> yeah. didn't see any from the hippie state.
<raven> whoa, but not as much as the center photo in Jessica Davis'/
<SoiledGreen> does all of this shit happen in TEXAS?!?!
<Elkman> SG: So far, it looks like it.
<raven> and apparently, her sister Nicole Davis got a pity page.
<Elkman> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/sdillard.html -- that hair is just humiliating.
<maime> damn the seven year old has a modelling coach, personal trainer, chef, assistant, driver.
<Leth> they have Taylor running 5Ks?
<Elkman> She looks like she's in the Mickey Mouse club.
<Samwise> "Texas: We got 'nuff guns to keep pedophiles away, so's we kin show aur lil' dawturs."
<raven> pageants since 7 months old? Can they lift their heads by themselves at that age??
<Elkman> "M-I-C... I'll see you in therapy! K-E-Y! Why? Because my parents forced me to enter pageants and STOLE MY CHILDHOOD! M-O-U-S-E!"
*** Samwise has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to M-I-C... I'll see you in therapy! K-E-Y! Why? Because my parents forced me to enter pageants and STOLE MY CHILDHOOD! M-O-U-S-E!
<Leth> Also, a very big Thank you to my daddy for allowing mommy and I to attend pageants. We both know how much you hate them but, I also know how proud you are of me when I win.
<maime> well little shania is nude in most of her pics. great mom. why not give the address and tell them when she'll be playing in the backyard between training sessions.
<maime> Daddy is just happy that mommy left, so he can go visit Aunt Chippy.
<raven> "My biggest thank you goes to my Daddy......without him pageants wouldn't be possible. Daddy I love you!"
<maime> woah, anyone look at the little boy?
<jacquilyn> Rave: someone's pagelisted them starting at 2 months old.
<kaufman> maime: the next Miss France?
<SoiledGreen> o/~ come along, and hit the bong, we are like a family.. ~/o
<jacquilyn> I want to see the 'Biggest stage mother' award on one of these pages.
<jacquilyn> That's the only one that makes any fucking sense.
<mdxi> i swear, kimberly kristian mcguffy doesn't exist. those pics are of a photoshopped barbie doll
<Elkman> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/shelby/index.shtml -- "My mommy was so excited! I think I was asleep."
<maime> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/kenneth.shtml not only will have self esteem problems with losing to all the anoerexic two year olds, he'll get to school and get beat up everyday for being the only gay kindergartener.
<shil> what about the mommy? if mommy wasn't there, there would be no little boy to do pageants.
<Elkman> "My boyfriend's name is Jordon (don't tell my Mommy!!)"
<Leth> I turned three years old on April 17th 2000. I have been doing pageants since I was 6 months old, but I am just now starting to get really serious about them.
<SoiledGreen> my god maime.. he's gonna have the everliving shit beat out of him DAILY.
<Elkman> "My favorite songs are... anything by the Spicegirls or Green Day!"
<Leth> I'm going to have to go rent Drop Dead Gorgeous tonight
<jacquilyn> Oy my god. There are boys being forced to do this.
<Kyol> "Heather (we miss you)" - what happened, she plumped up? Died?
<jacquilyn> I mean, the girls will at least vaguely survive this, not with their self-esteeem intact, of course, but they probably won't get killed.
<Elkman> Green Day? I'm not the CAPAlert guy, but that stuff's NOT music for a 5-year old.
<Samwise> Gained weight, so they had to take her out back and shoot her.
<jacquilyn> Boys, on the oether hand, will be beat up for the rest of their lives.
<SoiledGreen> o/~ do you have the time.. to listen to my cry.. ~/o
<mdxi> early greeday rules
<SoiledGreen> my fave one was Kerplunk.
<Samwise> (think he was going for the 5 year old version there)
<raven> yeah Victoria Taylor Leigh Kennedy's brothers are gonna get their asses kicked all their lives.
<Elkman> http://pageantworld.net/bragpages/ndavis.shtml -- "School has been pretty hard for me, so mom got me a tutor." Yeah, because you spent all your preschool years in beauty pageants instead of doing anything resembling LEARNING.
<jacquilyn> The only true statement I've read on these pages:I won my first pageant at the age of 3 months! My Mommy was so excited! I think I was asleep
<mdxi> i went to highschool with a william taylor tyler thomas (the man with four first names)
<mdxi> he was hella cool though
<Leth> that's why he survived
<Samwise> mdxi: I knew a grey herbert pickerell III.
<SoiledGreen> finally! someone NOT FROM TEXAS.
<Samwise> Who was again, a cool guy.
<Elkman> A dog named Kahlua? I bet Erin named the dog herself.
<Samwise> Maybe it's a variant of a boy named sue.
<maime> I knew a guy names Sky Blue
<mdxi> he drove (on sunny days) a beige Olds Delta 88 with the top permanently removed and a amazingly loud alpine system in it and "creamy cruiser" painted on both sides
<maime> his last name is michael.
<SoiledGreen> sounds like his parents loved Vodka too much.
<maime> naw. they just named him sky and when he was five they told him to pick his own middle name.
<maime> He chose "blue"
<maime> which of course was the best crayon in the 64 pack.
<maime> ya know, they should have real candid interviews with these kids.
<Samwise> Pick... own middle name? At 5?
<Elkman> And he couldn't spell "Cerulean."
<Samwise> Surprised he wasn't "Sky Pizza"
<maime> cause you know these are the little girls who ask Santa Claus for Implants.
<jacquilyn> Oh God. One of these girls is Canadian.
<jacquilyn> I'm so ashamed.
<mdxi> and hope they rot in hell for all eternity
<mdxi> with tiarras up their bottoms
<Leth> and the mother
<Leth> up the bottoms. Sideways.
<maime> theres a rebecca lynn!
<Elkman> "Hi, my name is Rebecca Lynn Liscio. I am 20 months old. I was born November 7, 1997."
<mdxi> that seems closer to 60 than 20, just off the top of my head
<Elkman> "My parents are really keeping this page up to date, aren't they?"
<maime> well, there was a freak accident. and now she's just going to the mall smile contests.
<Leth> "My mommy is too busy living her life through me to update the page! See you in the rehab clinic!"
<maime> why do all those kids look like they have some strange disease?
<Leth> too many facelifts
<mdxi> there should be a glossary on this site
<Elkman> Yeah, after three or four years, your face really starts sagging. I think it has something to do with losing baby teeth.
<Leth> oh man, these two are dead. They won't live through Junior High. http://home.earthlink.net/~jusrowan/
<maime> temporary caps for when the teeth are growing in?
<Mr-Ben> Those kids will get killed by their parents in an insurance fraud scam.
<maime> or vice versa.
<maime> punkin head and sweetfaced menendez
<Leth> apparently the guy who did Jack Nicholson's makeup for Batman also does kiddie beauty pageants
<maime> click here for naked photos of mommy! she will even sleep with you, if you're a judge!
<Darren> hmmmm that link doesn't seem to be working, maime
<Leth> Sarah's Motto is: "Be true to yourself, hold fast to your dreams and remember true beauty comes from within."
<Mr-Ben> Click here to meet some of Daddy's mobster friends that always get the judges to vote for his kids!
<Leth> Sarah doesn't know the difference between singular and plural yet.
<maime> this is choice.
<maime> oh. I think someone pointed out that she liked green day.
<maime> but I appreciate that she likes "barbie girl
<maime> for the truly whoring young four year old.
<Elkman> Then again, maybe "Dookie" is appropriate for young girls to listen to.
<mdxi> i vote those two nancy boys Most Likely To Be Repeatedly Anally Raped And Left To Die Of Exposure In A National Forest
<Mr-Ben> Yes, four year olds LOVE songs with lyrics like "When masturbation's lost its fun, you're fuckin' lazy!"
<Mr-Ben> They have the K-Mart sanitized family-friendly Green Day CDs, I betcha.
* jacquilyn has now viewed each 'brag page' for the little hairsprayed darlings.
<jacquilyn> It's sick and wrong to have done that, but I just couldn't pull myself away from that train wreck.
<Leth> x loop ko i vote those two nancy boys Most Likely To Be Repeatedly Anally Raped And Left To Die Of Exposure In A National Forest
<jeeb> Leth: I vote in order inside the national forest which is anus raped repeat to be a left again and again in the house of exposure those two name boys of the nancy probably