#spinnwebe Logs : Last Tuesday....


<maime> Last tuesday\
<maime> (that's my title)
<mdxi> "Steve lay on his back in the soft, tall grass. Children laughed nearby..."
<Mr-Ben> "It was another tequila sunrise as Steve drunk himself stupid the night before."
<Raven> "His memory was fuzzy. He seemed to recall a feather boa, Cool Whip, and a red teddy..."
<sol-D> "that his grandmother had gotten him for his 5the birthday. God, how he missed her. She was the only one who..."
<Thosw> "knew he looked good in red. Which was odd because she was colorblind....."
<zompist> "He tried to focus his spinning brain. Had that girl really popped out of her"
<maime> "three tiered cake in a furry bunny suit or was it that third fifth of tequilla? If only he could remember where he..."
<mdxi> "left his keys. Maybe he could remember by retracing the horrific journey which had begun...Last Tuesday."

<Mr-Ben> "Last Tuesday, Steve was newly single and ready to spend his evenings looking for his new girl."
<Raven> "He heard about a new club, where ladies actually showed up for Ladies' Night and the beer was excellent."
<sol-D> "The ladies, however, were not. Too embarrassed to actually turn tail and run, he.."
<Thosw> "went inside and hoped for the best. He couldn't place the music though. It had a ......"
<zompist> "beat, and you could dance to it. If you were a rhythm-impaired orangutan. He remembered scanning the crowd for"
<maime> "other men, but there were none, boy was he in luck tonite."
<mdxi> "He walked to the bar and ordered a vigin daquiri. Next to him was"
<Mr-Ben> "...Dana, 5'10, 135 pounds, long dark hair, and all alone. So Steve made his move..."
<Raven> "Turning towards Dana, he flashed a blinding grin and threw back his daquiri. "So, have you ever met...""
<sol-D> "a certified practicioner of the dark arts?' Steve grinned."
<Thosw> "No, but my familiar has, and she flashed the same wicked smile back at him."
<zompist> "And then his memory went blank. He only remembered waking in someone's bed, and smelling an overwhelming"
<LadyJ> "stench of patchouli, which was a fortuitous thing because it masked the scent of his"
<mdxi> "feet, which he usually kept wrapped in Saran Wrap. Right now he seemed to be completely naked though."
<Mr-Ben> "And Dana walked in, decked out in leather and a whip, and eyed Steve. Steve offered to play checkers instead."
<Raven> "Dana chuckled, low and seductive. "Oh, no, I have a different game in mind." She snapped her whip playfully. "TABOO!"
<sol-D> "Steve grimaced, and winced as pain shot through his entire body. He didn't need TABOO. He needed.."
<Thosw> "Operation, as Dana's high heels ground into the small of his back. She had almost pierced...."
<zompist> "his duodenum, when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. Hey, didn't he use to have two"
<LadyJ> "duodenums... or duodenii... he mused about the pluralization until his left ass cheek was kissed by a strand from a deerskin leather flogger."
<mdxi> "The deerskin brought memories of Babmi flooding back. Bambi and...Mother."
<MisterQ> "Bambi!' he cried. 'You're momma's dead!' 'What the hell do you mean?' said Dana. 'Bambi is
<Mr-Ben> "...really neat, Bambi is full of meat...' And Dana whips him in the mouth before he can finish. Steve freaks out and begins smashing furniture."
<Raven> "Dana threw herself in front of the china cabinet. "NOT THE GOOD CHINA!" Steve grabbed a gravy boat and held it up..."
<sol-D> "to his still-bleeding mouth. Surprisingly, it was full of antique gravy-- and still warm."
<Thosw> "He stared over the lip of the gravy boat at Dana, paused, then offered her a sip. It's really....."
<zompist> "great to bond like this with a domme-witch-chick, he though, not noticing, behind him,"
<LadyJ> "that a studio audience was watching his every move. 'Take the curtain!' some of them yelled"
<mdxi> "at him. "I get the feeling I'm being watched. I wonder...HOLY SHIT, I'M IN THE FIRST PERSON NOW!""
<MisterQ> "I looked around. Dana was waiting impatiently with her whip. It was then that I noticed her petite horns sticking out from her hair. Oh oh, I said, It looks like I'm in"
<Mr-Ben> "...waaaaaaaay over my head,' thinks Steve. So naturally, being the coward he is, Steve makes a break for the exit."

<Raven> "Crashing through the emergency exit, I found myself over a gaping black chasm. I just had time to hold up the Wiley Coyote 'help' sign before plunging into its depths."
<sol-D> "Steve hit the warm, inky water below without so much as a splash, yet somehow managing to knock the third person out of himself"
<zompist> "So that was Wednesday. Thursday was fairly dull. But then there was Friday morning. Friday started really badly:"
<mdxi> "to start with, the chain mail was totally chafing his shoulders."
<MisterQ> "the other thing, was that he was still inside the whale that swallowed him on Wednesday after he fell in the water."
<Mr-Ben> "And what's more, the whale had been killed and dragged on the deck of a large fishing boat. When Steve is revealed, he runs around the boat like a madman."
<Raven> "Realizing suddenly that he's escaped Dana, Steve calms down and ask Captain Charon for a job as a deck swabber."
<sol-D> "And he's been swabbing decks ever since. Two agonizing days of being jeered at by sailors as he pranced around in his skimpy swabbers uniforn. SOmetimes he wished.."
<zompist> "he could fly away... God fuck me, I suddenly thought, the realization jolting me back into the first person-- I'm a damn magician! I can"
<mdxi> "get out of this crappy game!"
<MisterQ> "As I prepared to cast my escape spell, one of the sailors of questionable sexual preferance startled me out of my magic trance. The world went white, and when I opened my eyes, it was still white, but there was a circle around it!"

<Mr-Ben> "Somehow, I was in the Featureless Void."
<sol-D> "huge hulk of a man. His nametag said "vic" and he was toting a rather large.."
<zompist> "funerary urn. I looked at the name and screamed. It said, simply, "
<mdxi> "'Jesus'. Attached was a small note: You were wrong about a few things. enjoy your reincarnations. LYLAS, Shiva"
<MisterQ> "Lylas? what the hell does 'Lylas mean?' thought Steve. Just then..."
<Raven> "the hamsterdance.com music filled the void and Vic placed the urn carefully in a niche before fading out of sight."
<sol-D> "Steve tried to cover his ears but his arms wouldn't reach around his bulbous head. Must.. stop..."
<yakko> "Must.. stop..." were the last words from Steve's mouth. Sally wouldn't know for an hour what she should stop....
<zompist> "Steve got up, stretched, went to gargle away the taste of vomit. It had been a long, long flashback. But he had learned something:"
<MisterQ> "He learned that he should never walk under a piano while Vic was distracted by a tall elegant"
<Raven> "Dutch boy named Jesus."
<sol-D> "Jesus reaches a massive hand out to steve's head and.."
<zompist> "musses his hair affectionately. 'You're the dreamiest,' he whispers. Steve just smiles. Life was good."
<zompist> --the end--

<MisterQ> Here lies Steve, Killed by unravled plot line.
<mdxi> i never liked him anyway.
<sol-D> snotty little upstart
<mdxi> i'm sorry i ever wrote him into existance
<yakko> and he still owed me money
<MisterQ> And he never found the Great Amulet of Mack Daddy
<sol-D> or got it on with dana
<mdxi> dana was kinda skinny anyway.
<mdxi> 5'10", 135lbs? have a twinkie, woman!
<sol-D> can't, what with the shortage and all...
<yakko> are you saying she needs a cream filling?

Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!