"If you cannot read, order pamphlet #49, 'How To Read'"
<Elkman> That reminds me: I heard that Microsoft wants to get into the home mortgage market.
<Elkman> They've got a Web site (whose name I forget), and apparently they want to get into the home financing business.
<kaufman> Let me guess: you finance a house with them and it comes with a computer with THEIR o/s and THEIR browser
<Leth> actually I was thinking more along the lines of having only THEIR utility companies servicing the house
<kaufman> that too
<Leth> WARNING: Uninstalling Microsoft Gas HEating may result in house instability. Are you /SURE/ you wish to continue?
<kaufman> and then their are Linux houses: much nicer, but no locks on the doors
<Elkman> And every so often, you have to move out of your house and move back in.
<mdxi> no, linux houses have much better locks, but everyone knows exactly how you built it.
<Leth> and where you store everything
<mdxi> MS houses have no locks, but no one can see inside
<Elkman> A Microsoft house would have a special room called the Registry. You don't know what it's good for, but you can't change anything in it.
<kaufman> there's an OpenWindows joke in here somewhere ...
<Leth> I'm working on a Back Orifice one, myself, but can't finish it
<kaufman> and an AOL one
<Elkman> Your cable will only get MSNBC.
<Leth> in the Linux house, though, several people can do things in different rooms at the same time. MS houses, people have to alternate
<kaufman> "Honey, you left the gas on didn't you?" "I don't think so, why do you say that?" "Our house now has the Blue Paint Job of Death."
<Leth> We have detected a new appliance in the house. Please wait while the house tries to determine how to best use this appliance for you.
<Elkman> It's a big improvement over the DOS house, though. The DOS house is limited to 640 square feet.
<Leth> Elkman: That's all anyone will ever need to live in
<Elkman> Instead of defrosting your refrigerator, you'd have to defragment it.
<tie> "Hi! It looks like you're trying to turn on the light switch! Would you like some help with that?"
<Leth> of course, with the MS House, you /do/ get to have a little Mr Norton sit in the corner and screen everyone as they enter
<kaufman> ACK! I just opened my desk drawer, and was assaulted by a dancing paperclip
<LJ-atwork> did the paperclip tell you about the functionality of your desk drawer?
* kaufman is sure that paperclip's a direct descendant of Coily the Spring
<Leth> NO SPELLCHECK! NO SPELLCHECK!
<kaufman> missing a stair? no problem. We'll fix it in the next release
<Leth> It'll cost you an extra $300 to get that stair, though
<Elkman> Or you can download a service pack.
<LunchtheLunch> or you can join MS ConstructNet and get all kinds of tools shipped to your house monthyl, only 3% of them will be useful for you
<Leth> heh, true story: My coworker called MS to get help with a DUN problem with win98 (he couldn't maintain a connection for more than 2 minutes without losing routes), and
<Leth> they told him he needed to get Win98 SE to have that problem fixed. So he said "OK, can I get that sent to me then?"
<Leth> They told him it'd cost $30 with s&h, and when he said that he didn't want to pay for it, they told him "Well, sir, then you can download it from our website. Thanks for calling Microsoft" <click>
*** agent_orange is now known as MS_Help_Desk
<MS_Help_Desk> hey, dis ain't no fuckin' charity, pal! you want the goods, or what?"
*** MS_Help_Desk is now known as Agent_Orange
<Leth> I just thought it was pretty funny that they offered a patch to solve dial-up problems off their website
<Agent_Orange> "If you cannot read, order pamphlet #49, 'How To Read'"
<hockwork> "House has suffered an unrecoverable error. Rebuilding house"
<tie> (a)bort, (r)etry, (s)ell?
<Agent_Orange> (a)bort, (r)etry, (s)ublet?
*** tie is now known as BobVila
<BobVila> Today, we're gonna upgrade to Windows 2000.
<BobVila> Hm. That sounded funnier in my head.
*** BobVila is now known as tieboy
<Leth> did the other voices laugh?
<tieboy> They're not talking to me right now. Snobs
<Elkman> Instead of repainting, you just right-click on the outside walls and select "Properties".
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