"Timmy, your milk money is in the dog."
<agent_orange> they do host restricted ones about nuclear weapons training school
<agent_orange> I mean, how hard can it be?
<agent_orange> 1) Push Button
<agent_orange> 2) Nothing
<agent_orange> 2a) Shoot other guy who won't turn key
<spinn> that two-guy-key system seems impractical anyway
<spinn> I mean, if you have one guy nasty enough to do it on his own, why can't his friend, too?
<spinn> I say they should need over 14,000 people to turn a key at once
<agent_orange> 3000 of whom would file for an extension
<spinn> or, like, the mayor of every city with a population over 30,000, so it has to be a national referendum
<agent_orange> Yeah, that's the ticket. 14 months later, we'd almost be ready to launch
<tieboy> a gallup poll. 35% say turn key. 60% say don't. 5% say 'don't know'
<Samwise> Plus, there'd be legislation and population recounts.
<Lore> I forget who it was that suggested that the missile launching codes should be hidden inside the body of a live human baby.
<agent_orange> Lore: I got no problem with that
<spinn> hey, that does make sense
<Samwise> Lore: why would they do that?
<spinn> so you have to kill him or her on the spot to get to it
<tieboy> they should put a launch codes on the bottom of a pie tray. and the president has to eat the whole pie to get to them.
<Samwise> Crikey. You'd think they could do a surgery to get it out.
<agent_orange> Start the training early: "Timmy, your milk money is in the dog."
<spinn> 'cos if you can't kill one person to launch a nuke, your heart clearly isn't in it
<raven> I read a scifi story like that once, where the codes were embedded in your kid's heart.
<Elkman> Or put the launch codes inside a bottle of PdC's Raspberry Fantasy perfume.
<raven> Oh, wait, that's how they did it on Vulcan in Star Trek.
<Lore> Greg pretty much has it.
<Lore> The idea is that you have to kill at least one innocent yourself before you can kill a bunch of innocents you can't see.
<Lore> What they don't figure, though, is that the President has people for that.
<Elkman> Or, embed the launch codes in a vat of radioactive waste, so you have to think about the effects of radiation for many years to come.
<Lore> "Jim, could you get the codes for me?" "Sure thing, Mr. President." *SPLORCH*
<Lore> "The code is 'Chest Berries.'"
<raven> lore : But the point on Vulcan was that it was your own kid.
<spinn> guess the vulcans didn't have ron reagan
<spinn> that wouldn't have been overly tough
<raven> yeah, gives a kid a lot of incentive to be in mom and dad's good graces.
<spinn> yes, I'd be saying "please sir" and "thank you"
<Lore> Them Vulcans is sucked up anyway.
<Lore> It would also encourage children to take an active interest in current events.
<spinn> yeah I'd think they'd be under 24 hr surveillance anyway
<Samwise> ...or to make friends with an excellent surgeon.
<spinn> probably hard not to keep it in mind
<Elkman> As well as encouraging good health care for children. You wouldn't want to lose your nuclear power advantage to SIDS.
<Samwise> "Sorry, son... we need to drop the bomb." "Oh, what a shame. Here're the codes."
<spinn> nah, you just scoop it out with a melon baller and start schtuppin the frigid wife bitch again
<tieboy> there's cloning, too
<agent_orange> wouldn't it be a bitch to kill the kid, enter the codes, and then get: "This Code Has Been Pirated. Please Do Not Use Pirated Codes! The Nuclear Launch Sequence Will Now Quit!"
<spinn> depends. did he have his own magazine?
<Elkman> And this could be a problem for Hannibal Lecter too. "Wait a minute! I said lunch, not launch!"
<agent_orange> "Code Accepted! Thanks For Supporting Shareware!" ka-BOOM!
<tieboy> NEED LAUNCH CODES FROM YOUR KID'S HEART FAST LIKE TODAY wskkac
<spinn> if he was talking at through the for at within the kids, that would be a shame, yeah
<agent_orange> you're breaking up! Come in, Spinn!
<tieboy> if the pres had more than one kid, he'd have to guess which had the codes
*** SIGNOFF: Mr-Ben (Connection Reset by Peer)
<Elkman> Oops. I guess Ben's mom was reading over his shoulder.
<CrazyClimber> yeah, his "shoulder."
<agent_orange> 'Ben! How did you know about the codes?"
<tieboy> maybe she was looking for POP in his chest cavity
<spinn> I WILL NOT HAVE MY CONNECTION RESET QUIETLY!!
<Elkman> "Jorie and I were doing some heavy petting one day, and she just happened to find this strange bulge."
<spinn> guess the last thing he saw was him mom's bloody hand, sticking through the front of his chest, holding a small metal capsule
<spinn> which she will then open and go to the atm
<tieboy> Jorie probably fished it out of his heart during the GTG, though
<spinn> "oh yeahhh!"
<agent_orange> "Ah! My Recipe for pecan pie! At last!"
<tieboy> I hope he got in a final reference to Dr. Otto before he expired
<spinn> we'd need a gilliamesque cartoon of her tongue going down his throat and fishing through his internal organs
<tieboy> heh, yeah
<Samwise> *squish* *squish* *slap*
<spinn> fshk fshk fshk fshk fshk fshk..."hm? hrm?"...fshk fshk fshk fshk fshk fshk fshk
<tieboy> *stock footage of old ladies applauding*
<Lore> You have an uncanny knack for replicating famous comedy troupes in text form, Greg.
|Heather Garvey / Raven / email@example.com||I want to submit a log!|