"How was your day?" "I don't know, Colette, why don't you ask your huge cock?"
<Lore> My karaoke comics party isn't looking so bad: http://pub10.ezboard.com/flargepenissupportgroupfrm1.showMessage?topicID=30.topic
<spinn> there's a url for ya
<spinn> poor guys
<Lore> Yeah, the world desperately needs large penis support groups.
<spinn> glad they're able to find each other to lend support
<Lore> Along with support groups for those with lovely singing voices and shoes with adequate arch support.
<Lore> Heh: http://pub10.ezboard.com/blargepenissupportgroup
<Lore> "Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy."
<Lore> It sounds like an Onion article. "I Was Fired Because of My Huge Cock."
<tieboy> I only hope wealthy people with great teeth have a support group
<Lore> "The only complaints I've heard concerning the beast downstairs revolve around handling him sexually."
<Lore> Oh, Christ.
<spinn> the beast downstairs.
<Lore> Too long to paste, but check out the third entry: http://pub10.ezboard.com/flargepenissupportgroupfrm10.showMessage?topicID=24.topic
<spinn> surprised he hasn't heard any complaints over calling his penis "the beast downstairs"
<Lore> I think I'm going to rename my penis "Satan."
<Lore> "Though I won't say I don't have occasional proud moments showing it off, I really try not to make my friends feel insecure and didn't want to draw too much attention to it. "
<tieboy> (Frankly, I'm surprised he hadn't been aware of my size before - the bulge in my slacks is very substantial, especially when I sit, and I figured that he, like everyone else, had noticed it already.)
<spinn> yeah, yet he's sure everyone notices the bulge and he's surprised he didn't know already
<Lore> I can just see him out in the driveway on sunny weekends, washing and waxing his cock, waving to passers-by...
<Lore> "This was all so bizarre and I couldn't figure out where he was coming from until I realized that through this whole diatribe he had his eyes trained on my crotch."
<spinn> just another case of the MAN trying to PUT ME and my FREAKISHLY LARGE HOSE BEAST down
<Lore> I like the "until I realized" part.
<Lore> I can't help but imagine that if someone was talking to me with his eyes fixated on my crotchal region, I'd notice that right off.
<Lore> "Like I said, I'm used to my friends being interested and even fascinated by my size and know that it can become a topic of conversation."
<Lore> What loser friends.
<tieboy> If a dude's tool is smaller than mine ... and most are ... I don't think any less of him. Life is more than a big dick contest
<tieboy> (posted by DOUBLEMEATWHOPPER)
<Lore> I'm glad that WE never become fascinated with the size of the body parts of people on the board and have interminable conversations on the topic.
<spinn> yeah, they're fascinated. somehow whenever he's around the conversation manages to turn back to his penis in some way
<spinn> and he simply can't understand how that happens
<spinn> pity dru's not here, I have a good parallel
<spinn> that...lore made back when I started typing
<Lore> I type quick like the hungry ferret.
<spinn> I zipped up, gave him a friendly pat on the back and said, "you know, it's really not that big a deal."
<spinn> "There there, chum, your toothpick is naught to concern us, let us drink!"
<Lore> Class, what activity is missing between those two actions?
<spinn> heh, dind't even think of that.
* Lore mouths "soap and water."
<Lore> like i've said before, i think all my good buddies that i hang out with frequently know the size of my penis. not afraid to talk about it, not afraid to show it.
<spinn> I zipped up, briskly wiped my hands on his shirttails and vestments, patted him on the back and said, "There there, chum, your toothpick is naught to concern us, let us drink!"
<spinn> it really does sound like that guy in the onion who polishes and buffs his balls
<Lore> " I really enjoy friends comments. Sometimes they get a bit aggressive, so I have to calm them down, but both they and I know that they wished they had my cock."
<Lore> You have a BIG COCK! RAAARGH!
<spinn> SMASH BIG COCK
<Lore> Okay, regaining composure.
<Lore> I'm glad Colette's not home. I would have had to explain.
<spinn> yeah, and the more you explain, the worse it'd get
<Lore> Hrm, someone has a link to "ratehisdick.com"
<Lore> Okay, I'm going into "Sex With a Large Penis." Cover me.
<tieboy> just his? can't bring back a lot of return business?
<Lore> " Any very hung guys, while wanking can't help shooting cum right into there own face?"
<Lore> Can't help?
<Lore> I'm trying to figure out if that's a physical or a psychological problem.
<Lore> I mean, I would assume that you could physically, you know, aim. No matter how big the johnson in question.
<Lore> Unless you have a really really tiny dick growing out of your forehead.
<tieboy> I can't help but spray a stream after gooey stream of spoo into my own mouth
<tieboy> Why Won't These Faggots Stop Sucking My Cock?
<tieboy> By this time, I started to understand: my parents were jealous of my huge, 11+ inch cock. Mom was jealous Dad's cock was only a meager 5 1/2 inches, and Dad wad jealous that he didn't have a huge cock like his son. Soon, my folks wouldn't even hardly talk to me. I'd ask a question like: "Where is the newspaper?" and they'd be like, "Why don't you ask your huge cock?"
<Lore> Hrm. ratemycock.com has among the world's most disturbing logos.
<Lore> That's great.
<Lore> That's going to be my standard sarcastic answer to everything.
<Lore> "How was your day?" "I don't know, Colette, why don't you ask your huge cock?"
<tieboy> Somedays I wish my cock wasn't 11+ inches [erect -- it's 7 flaccid, uncut]. Yeah, somedays like . . . today. This morning, Mom pulled the covers off my bed for some reason, and I had a huge morning wood. She just ripped the covers off, and was like "rise and shine", staring at my 11+ inches peaking out of my boxers [erect, not flaccid], and the look in her eyes was carnal, ravenous . . . and frighteningly non-human.
<spinn> lore, the cum-shooting question: I think it's because these guys can't help staring adoringly at their tools, any time they're in open air, no matter what the reason
<spinn> sometimes they just forget
<Lore> You'd think they'd be admiring it from a different angle once in a while. You know, side view, 3/4 view...
<tieboy> When I masturbate, I can't help but shove a long-necked Budweiser bottle up my ass... anyone else have that problem
<spinn> this really is the male equivalent of YOU'RE STARING AT MY BOOBS AREN'T YOU"
<jacquilynne> I'm vastly amused that ratemycock.com has separate categories for the name of the person and the name of the cock.
<Lore> 'I think it was Woody Allen that said " If I could suck my own Dick, I wouldn't need to date"'
<Lore> Yeah, that sounds like him.
<tieboy> 2nd from last post
<spinn> yeah, why isn't there a "blow your own horn techniques" section
<tieboy> must be a troll
<tieboy> it's hilarious
<spinn> I want to shake his hand. the other one.
<Lore> "My Grandpa came out of the van with with some measuring tape and we had to juxtapose our cocks while he measured them and, to my relief, I was about 1/4 of an inch bigger."
<Lore> That grandpa.
<Lore> Always prepared.
<Lore> "When you're as old as I am, you'll know when there's a cock-measurin' a-comin'."
<spinn> dang, three posts, but I don't know how to find the other two
<spinn> "it's a ol' fasheened prick throwdown! ga hee hee guhhee hah!"
<spinn> 'course, grandpa's measuring tape. eughgh.
<spinn> they must've been desperate.
<spinn> oh geez, duh. all three are in this thread
<spinn> didn't even realize he was the one with the "where's the newspaper" story
<Lore> There are little marks on it every few inches, saying "8 years old," "9-1/2" and so on.
<Lore> " Go to a Renaissance faire ... you'll find codpieces! The problem is, most people think mine is stuffed to outrageous proportions like a lot of guys in the Renaissance actually did; they don't realize that the bulge is all me!"
<spinn> third post down in that thread...guy has his measurements in sig
<spinn> yeah, that's the problem
<spinn> vexing as hell
<Lore> Hey, ho, good sir! How art thou this fine Elizabethan day? This codpiece is very tight on me!
<spinn> probably hired a town crier with a big bell shouting "IT'S ALL HIM!"
<spinn> bahaha, and farther on, I dig richie's deconstruction of his troll
<Lore> Oh, Jesus fuck.
<spinn> F he did have a cock that size, surely he would know EXACTLY how big it was and he would be able to make it clear whether it was that length erect or flaccid.
<spinn> yeah, because clearly he would've bouyght the penis calipers by his age
<Lore> The very idea of a thread on this board marked with a sad smiley...
<Lore> "A Sticky Situation"
<Lore> "I was just wanting to know how you guys deal with your sacks on a hot day or when they hang low and loose."
<Lore> " I can certainly relate to the balls sticking to the leg situation."
<Lore> The nutsak-adhesive scenario.
<tieboy> "Anyone else have problems with turning around quickly and accidentally knocking small children unconscious with the bulbous head of your throbbing 17" uncut monster cocks?"
<Lore> The scrotal attachment scene.
<tieboy> man, i hope one of these people has a livejournal
<Lore> "Soon Mom got wind of my huge cock."
<Lore> I like the choice of words, there.
<Lore> She heard it on the cockvine.
<Lore> "Betty, I'm not one to spread gossip, but I hear your boy's hung like an apotosaurus."
*** Lore changes topic to 'OMG! Having a big penis is like diabetes!'
<Lore> I like how Jordan gives his age, his height, and his dimensions hard AND soft.
<Lore> That should make identifying the body easier.
<tieboy> One day I tried not wearing underwear under a pair of blue jeans when I was about 15 years old. Although you could see everything I was blessed with (including the print of the head and my oversized balls) from as far as a block away from me, It felt much better wearing nothing at all, than the confinements of underwear that I rarely wear underwear to try to hide it any more!
<tieboy> "Hey, Tommy! I saw your cock and oversized balls from a block away!"
<tieboy> "Just thought I'd mention that for some reason!"
<Lore> "One day I decided to wear tight jeans and no underwear, and the veins of my cock were visible from a quarter-mile away. Even through intervening objects!"
<Lore>"I figured this would be the sort of place where people could discuss and possibly purge themselves of disturbing and emotionally scarring instances involving and with regards to abnormally huge cocks."
<Lore> You know, that's what I thought #spinnwebe was for at first, too.
<tieboy> Yea as you might know by now I am very big soft (10-11 in) and nearly stay the same size (up to 13-14 inches) when getting hard. Due to my oversized testicles (about 4 lbs, like two small melons), it ALWAYS shows and I get lots of stares or stupid comments. Usually I try to wear long outdoor jackets or shirts that go down as far as possible with baggy pants.
<tieboy> It still shows, and I hate it.
<raven> well, I *did* have to log in to purge myself of the red zone captions I'd just suffered through...
<Lore> " I'm not HUGE (and also a grower, not shower)"
<Lore> I'm disturbed that there are apparently established slang terms for particular subgenera of the huge-cocked.
<Lore> "I sometimes humiliate my smaller friends. Usually I grab myself infront of them showing my manhood, and they put their heads down like ashamed."
<Lore> Uh, yeah. "Like ashamed."
<Lore> Not at all "like not wanting watch you grope self."
<raven> "Don't look him in the eyes! He'll just whip it out!"
<tieboy> One of my favourite comments on the size of my member was also in the supermarket. I was wearing a pair of thin sweatpants, and I don't wear underwear anymore. A woman looked at me, then looked specifically at my crotch, then said, "That reminds me; I need some salami."
<tieboy> aw, they have trouble taking dumps, too, since their incredibly large wangs hang into the toilet
<Lore> But they don't seem to have any grouble finding condoms that fit.
<Lore> There's a guy who seems to be upset that anonymous posts to a public "large penis support group" on the Web may not all be completely truthful. Huh.
<Lore> I can't count how many times I have received the same pic from several different dudes all claiming that it's them. And some are obviously morphed. But there's one thing that I hate even more: guys who send a pic of ME that they have found at some pic site saying that it's THEM!
<Lore> Heh. "Boy am I tired of people sending me pictures of my own, swollen, throbbing, meaty, huge cock!"
<Lore> "But if I see some guy who's got a bigger dick than I do, well, I'm totally helpless. He didn't do a damn thing to earn it, and there's nothing I can do about it. What a disheartening feeling of powerlessness."
<tieboy> UNlike myself, who earned my tower of meat
<Lore> I can think of two things to do.
<Lore> 1) Get over it.
<Lore> 2) Go show your whanger to your jealous, puny-peckered father and enjoy his steaming envy.
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