"MY wife likes to drop heavy statures of shiva on my tacticals."
<agent_orange> oh my lord
<agent_orange> question 8
<agent_orange> "We will talk romantically so at that time I m having erection soon with in a few minutes sperms r ejected unknowingly."
<agent_orange> "Sir I am suffering from itching near by private parts and buttocks and cotton like substance is coming out daily from my navel."
<agent_orange> SIR I HAVE A FOUL SMELLING DISCHARGE FROM MY BUTTOCCAL AREA SIR!
<zompist> "Sir I have also habit of eating "Gutkha". [...] Sir I am suffering from itching near by private parts and buttocks and cotton like substance is coming out daily from my navel."
<agent_orange> "Regular, frequent sex you can have during pregnancy"
<agent_orange> whi is this, fuckin' yoda?
<Samwise> Heh... please tell me these are fakes.
<agent_orange> sorry, sammy
* Samwise laughs 2% less at them, knowing they're real
<tieboy> SIR i have hockey stick jammed up my ass ;-)
<zompist> "My top part of the penis is attached with skin, becoz of that I cannot move my foreskin completely to the end of the penis but I can go almost like 3/4"
<me_tew> Surgery for small penis is very rarely required. Before come to a conclusion consult sexologist.
<Samwise> you misspelled "pennis"
<agent_orange> Here's one that I'm sure will resonate with certain members of the channel:
<agent_orange> "Dr, I am about to be married. I am in a very good position. I am a postgraduate in engineering. Paid heavily. But I am impotent, and my sex organ is less than 4 cms. Kindly advice on this matter. "
<agent_orange> "You are not alone in this world. Qualified Doctors are available. Consult your Doctor sexual problems are 100% curable now. "
<zompist> heh. the small-penis guy doesn't just have *that* problem. also it's "not in a good conditions."
<Samwise> 4cm? Wow, I wondered who was keeping the average down.
<tieboy> is this the hindi answerpoint?
<agent_orange> "My pennies are just 31/2 inches"
<tieboy> Ask Jeeshna
<mdxi> the person giving out answers is like the Self Made Sexologist
<agent_orange> so ... 15.5" , right?
<mdxi> "Is no problem, all normal, consult medical personage"
<mdxi> "3 1/4 cm"
<agent_orange> "Is it possible to know for a guy whether he can have a baby or not before having sex with a girl (without testing)? "
<agent_orange> "Better to avoid marriage between blood relatives."
<Samwise> "It only is possibel to know whether should he have baby. You: no in hell way."
<zompist> "Sir, i want to the difference of Vulva and Vagina, i heard that clitoris would be in Vulva, but vagina is the sexual organ for female, make me clear."
<zompist> "I got married three months ago, in the beginning we have been making intercourse more than 15 times per week, but for the past two weeks it get reduced to less than 7 times, moreover the time also abruptly get reduced. Is there any specific reason for this doctor, can i increas the duration and more number of times per week?"
<agent_orange> "I have some globules like things on the outer skin of the scrotum. Some times they dissappear and then repear in more numbers. they do itch sometimes and have yellow formations and then they disappear. What are those things and how do they form ? Please explain."
<mdxi> Some times penny is not getting sufficient erectionat the time intercourse ? what is the method is to be adopted to get full erection? it is getting full erection in night hours during idle time, please answer
<mdxi> At the age of 20 by seeing sexual object like "bra" boys get erection. At the age of 40 or 50 your wife is naked & lying with you, you may not get enough erection. It is your wife's turn to stimulate the penis by hand and by mouth.
<agent_orange> "WRAP YOURSELF IN PLASTIC AND CALL HAZMAT WALLAHS. DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, MY GOODNESS ME"
<zompist> hee hee. "hazmat wallahs"
* mdxi bites knuckle to keep from laughing
<agent_orange> "I am having psoriasis (not itching or oozing type) all over the body except the exposed parts. Can I get married? Suggest any known cure for this disease. I am an Indian now doing higher studies in US.Pl advise. Thanks"
<agent_orange> Answer: "Yes! You can get married. No problem."
<agent_orange> snnkt: "I have several times of intercourse with my girl friend but every time before organizing her sperm is ejaculating in fast manner. So I feel very much shy nowadays to have sex with her. if this thing happen with my wife how can I face her. Please advice me doctor to come out of this embracing situation"
<agent_orange> "Honey! I need to go organize some stuff..."
<agent_orange> "I am fearful about marriage because i think the balls below my penis have destroyed they are no more solid they are liquefied due to my sexual Excitement."
<zompist> "If your girl friend has sperm she may be a male. Consult a sexologist."
<mdxi> "in beaches , pros women look for men and sit near to them after permission and give a hand job on penis. She talks erotically sexy and shake penis for the person after unzipping and pulling the penis out. Once finished she looks for other person goes to him and does. How harm it is to get hand job from such women (only hand job)."
<zompist> "Few months ago I consult a doctor and he said that because of masturbation by hand the right side veins of penis are dead."
<mdxi> "From 17 to 19 i did masturbation for 5 days a week. Then i reduced and last 5 years i am not doing. But sperm comes out due to bad dreams. But if sperm comes out due to dream or masturbation i am having pain in my right side of body. Mainly, legs and hands. Is there any relation between sex and pain in the right side of the body?. Do i marriage?"
<zompist> indian equivalent of hairy palms, i guess
<agent_orange> "I watched a blue film I started masturbating regularly now days I think lot about sex and I feel tired and not able to concentrate any thing and if I c any female with two pieces I feel like having sex i wont to stop all this attitude and i am un married how do i stop thinking about sex and feeling so that my dick will be normal please advice me"
<agent_orange> Answer: This is due to your hormonal influence, Quiet normal. Get married. It cures your problem.
<tieboy> my gawd
<mdxi> "i have only one testis (other was removed in childhood).Can i get married? .if i get married ,it will wont affect my sexual life? Right now i am feeling normal .what are the drawbacks of having only one testis?."
<mdxi> Answer: "Man can live with one kidney, one lung and one testis."
<Samwise> "Go remove lung and kidney"
<SeanQ> "One testis cause girly feelings to feel like real man attack Poland"
<mdxi> "I am married and having two children my problem, i am discharging white so often, but husband is more interested in licking than fucking. Please advise me while discharge white he can lick"
<mdxi> answer: No harmin licking the fluid from the vegina.
<agent_orange> No shame in being homo
<Samwise> Whaaat... she *complains* that he licks more than fucks?
<mdxi> i think she's concerned about the white discharge
<raven> Maybe it's just the discharge he licks.
<Samwise> blargh. OK, yeah, it *is* more horrid from that perspective.
<zompist> here's a girl complaining that she's too skinny... obviously not american
<zompist> answer: "If you are very slim, take fatty food, stuffs like ice creams, cakes, egg and meat more. You can enjoy the delicious food and you will put on weight.
<mdxi> "When I decided to go for a erection, I am struggling and the temper is also reduced. I think this is because of mental fearness. How to go about this?"
<tieboy> "if i paying 1 milliion dollers US$ to fifteen yearold girl to tongue my taint wil she stop ask quesitions about my Software computers? Can I marry?"
<zompist> "I love to oral sex on my wife. I suck her releases and take it in. She enjoys it and I enjoy it too. I am afraid her releases are harmful or not good for swallowing. Please answer me if I can continue sucking her releases?" <-- some people just have a way with words
<agent_orange> "My pennies is small with pustules supperating and sharp poison-tipped spikes rotating around it, by Ganesh. Will I ever marry? I am from Punjab."
<mdxi> answer: "have wife stimulate with hand and mouth"
<zompist> "I have premature ejaculation. I don't know how? My wife is very angry with me. If I failed sometimes she tried to bite my penis. How to rectify this."
<agent_orange> "Burn wife in flaming funeral pyre."
<zompist> uh oh: "Is it dangerous to have oral sex with a male friend??" gender: M
<Samwise> "Are you boy the fag."
<tieboy> been wondering about that myself
<zompist> answer was "- No -", btw
<agent_orange> "Very Dangerous. May cause Monsoons and plaugues of frgs."
<mdxi> "during intercourse, i never feel that my hus semen comes inside and i do not have much satisfaction also. Moreover my hus compel me to suck his penni. But i dont like the smell. some times if it comes in mouth, is it good or bad for health."
<agent_orange> "I am gonna get marriage soon. When we have anal sex with wife, what type of feeling wife will get, I mean whether they will feel happy like when we have real sex in front or nothing happy."
<mdxi> answer: you marry man with twiglet of pennie. too bad
<zompist> "Every night from penis that white colour (u know what I mean. pls try to follow me) going too. So physically im very tired. I don't why it? Is it any disease ?"
<zompist> pls try to follow me: YOU DIE SOON
<agent_orange> Wife will scream like Kali on killing spree. Pay it no mind. Vary normal.
<mdxi> " I am 41yrs old and I have 2 kids also. My sexual life no problem, But before marriage i was doing homosex with my friend. So now also I want to do homo sex and I am interested to suck penny and to taste the semen. I do not know how to control it. Can u help me? My wife is not allowing to do intercourse at menses time and not allow to lick also. tell me is it advisable or not."
<agent_orange> Will I satisfy my wife with foreskin pennies?
<agent_orange> Advisable to use rectal nickels instead
<zompist> "First night we did not do anything but then In our Honey moon we had sex almost twice in day time and then again at night."
<zompist> whoo-hoo! almost twice!
<agent_orange> Recently I started masturbating by pulling the foreskin (It gives me more pleasure). Is anything bad in doing like that? Sometimes I masturbate by keeping my penis inside the pillow and moving to and fro. Is anything harm in doing like that.
<tieboy> If the wife is suffering from diseases moreover she is harassing me also if she cannot please her husband can I divorce her without loosing the children ? OR Can I marry another woman without taking her permission?
<ristoril> so what, are we talking like 1.5 times or 1.9 times?
<zompist> "Is continuously involving in sex chat over the Internet dangerous or is it wrong??" "'Wasting your time'." <-- uh oh!
<mdxi> " i had my first sexual relationship with a friend and i doubt she lacks clitoris.is it true that some girls are devoid of this organ.i have just an idea from blue films only."
<agent_orange> Sometimes I sit and satre at wall. Any harm in that?
<Samwise> Eww, never satre at the wall. Though, you could voltaire at the ficus.
<ristoril> i'm going to go to india and ask to see a blue film so i can know what the hell these people are talking about
<mdxi> "What would be good average interval between two erections ?! I am asking this question for a person who is in my age group 24-28."
<mdxi> answer: " If you are watching a porno film the second erection immediately. With your wife it will take 30 Mts."
<agent_orange> "My husband is having one testis and his stamens are very liquid"
<agent_orange> "Pistils appear normal.
<ristoril> answer: "you have married a flower"
<zompist> "Your husband is a plant. Consult a botanist"
<agent_orange> "I am from Singh Community. As per your section I have question regarding night lickage of semen1s (cums). I hope should understand the question & very shortly delivered answer. "
<tieboy> 3) if suck the totila of women whether to know satisfaction.
<mdxi> "I get pain in my anus as i masturbate presently. "
<zompist> "I got married one week back. The problem is we are not able to have sex till now. The problem is whenever my penis goes into her she complains of severe pain and i have to take it out. What is the reason for this? Is this common? And we are also not sure if I am inserting it in the right place"
<mdxi> answer: "Remove figurine of Krishna from anus"
<ristoril> that's your answer to everything
<tieboy> My hair is white for the past 3 years
<tieboy> answer: Consult a dermatologist
<Samwise> answer: "No more stick your penis in wifes ear."
<agent_orange> "I have been married for a while now but the problem is ... my hole is very small and feels like a wall there. My husband has very understood we enjoy oral sex and we are slowly trying to get used to insertion there. I am trying to insert my fingers and tampons to get over the fear and to become a little comfortable. I am now successful in inserting 2 of my fingers by the use of jelly. Am I going in the right direction also I s
<agent_orange> answer:Dilate the vegina by using bigger size candles also.
<tieboy> There are 650 positions described in " kama sutra" do not stick on toa single ideal position. At least you can try 10 variant sexual positions.
<zompist> "A friend of mine has a penis in curved shape ultimately due to masturbation." <-- friend of machival's?
<agent_orange> Is group sex okay?
<agent_orange> Dangerous stuff.
<mdxi> zompist: i'm not even gonna ask
<agent_orange> "How do I go about the whole stuff with my newly married hubby? "
<zompist> "I don't know anything about sex but my hubby knows everything, I want to know where to inject his penis into mine"
<mdxi> agent_orange: where did you sind this site?
<agent_orange> mdxi: POE
<tieboy> I have the following problems.
<tieboy> 1.usually during masturbation we shake our hands. Butwhen i pull the skin, which covers the penis, all the way back and hold it for 30 seconds, i ejaculate.
<tieboy> 2. When i just hug her( she is dressed ) and kissing herfor one minute, i ejaculate
<Samwise> "No, the sex with groups is not pleasure. Too many cards of thank-you write afterward."
<agent_orange> "I have a nasty fungal infection in my abdominal area that is between my two legs."
<mdxi> "I am leaking at my bed rarely. This gives me lot of worry. My bed become wet, so it is noticed by all, I am married. My husband also knew this. Blame me bad. Because of this, I have fear in staying my parents, relatives house at night times."
<zompist> "Homo sexual activities create anxiety and depression. To avoid homosexual activity you may need treatment."
<tieboy> I had sex with one girl.she likes me very well doing sex with me. Shall i do sex with her the whole day? Because i like her
<agent_orange> Just visit www.clitoris.com
<agent_orange> actual answer
<tieboy> At the age of 23 do not divert your attention towards sex concentrateyour studies. Read & learn about sexual physiology, but don?t indulgein sex at present.
<mdxi> "My husband is so romantic and he is too active all the time, but when we want to have intercourse his penis ejects but we enjoy up to 3 strokes or so. But very soon his penis reduces to the original one"
<tieboy> Enakku athikama white padukkirathu, bad smell adikkirathu, what problem
<Samwise> Heh. She must have his penis at a high simmer.
<zompist> "?Spark? never occurs in most of the Indian arranged marriages. Still they do well and last longer. Spark and lust disappear after few years only companionship keep your marital life alive.
<agent_orange> "I got some unwanted muzzles at my veginal lips, and these skins are dropping down, it has to be cleared by surgical, kindly advice me that it is advisable?"
<agent_orange> "Do not allow dogs at veginal areas. Please them to stay in backyard."
<mdxi> re: yet another tard who shoots after kissing a girl: "Dear Mr. Raj
<mdxi> You need sex counseling and sex therapy with some drugs. Tonics curd vitamin tablets will not help."
<Samwise> "Have common problem, curtain beef."
<zompist> "Can a pregnant lady have sex? If yes, will the placental chord cause any problem for the growing fetus?
<tieboy> Hello doctor
<tieboy> I am masturbating from my teenage. I feel that hole in my penis is gettinglarge, is it because of masturbating? if so is it cause any trouble?
<agent_orange> "Cannot look at anything without shootings of spermatoozatwas all over sacred garmets. Will this affect marriage."
<zompist> "If i have sex feelings i do mistakes myself with the help of the pillow, my sperms are very much wasting"
<zompist> and the next question is from the pillow
<agent_orange> "Masturbate, masterubater, masturbate, till scared cows come home. All day, all night. Never stop making thuggee noose fist around little vishnu. Am I normal? Oh, Hare Krishna, here I go again."
<bisti> "When I am pulling the foreskin backwards, it bends my penis downwoards as there is a joint at the bottom of the penishead. Should I do circumcision?"
<agent_orange> Do barrel roll
<zompist> "initially my penis was very long (apprx. 6 inch) and strong but gradually it reduced and now it is only one inch. Now i am really very much worried about it"
<mdxi> "Am often releasing the fluids even when persons say naughty words such as 'rotary engine'. Making very difficult life as I am automotive engineer in GM New Delhi plant. please advice"
<agent_orange> "My right tactical has become much larger than my left one."
<bisti> mdxi: that real?
<agent_orange> Puncture with turban pin!
<ristoril> 'wankel rotary engine' ya goob
<mdxi> bisti: no, but i think it says something that you're not sure
<bisti> good point
<bisti> "I am skeptical about my fathering a child. My semen has thred like structures in it. is it because of a strong blow I took in my groin while playing?"
<Samwise> "Bad news: your count sperm is 1. Worse news: is 35.6cm long and wants out now."
<Samwise> All week here am I
<zompist> "What is the best position for having anal sex?" "Like vaginal sex you can try all the possible positions, but initially you can try from behind.,"
<ristoril> I be skeptical about mah daddy-Oin' some chile. Mah semen has thred likes structures in it. be it becuz o' some cock diesel blow I done took in mah groin while playin'? Da bomb!
<agent_orange> "Dr, some times my husband likes to lick between my two butts."
<GhostCoder> "I had never ending sexual feeling till last 8 months. I was finding satisfaction by forcing my wife daily for sex and some times by masturbation."
<GhostCoder> "forcing my wife daily"
<Samwise> GC: probably a spellchecker error.
<zompist> "Doctor, could you please tell me the proper ways to start sex with her and what are all the parts in her body to be squeezed/stimulated in order to satisfy her more." Entire female body is eratic. Ears are more sensitive for females. So tell her "I love you, Darling, frequently, pinna of the ear, eyes, lips, neck breast, clitoris, vagina, thighs are to be stimulated or kissed."
<agent_orange> "I am daily 2 times my sperms or out health defect of body please answer"
<ristoril> * GhostCoder stops looking for flights to India
* zompist makes a note of that line about "i love you, darling, frequently"
<agent_orange> Many problems masturbation with on Bizarro world!
<agent_orange> "Dear Sir h r u thanks for operation when my penas dainson that time balls come pain"
<agent_orange> "You are writing arab language it seems. During erection at times testes may be painful due to the muscle contraction. "
<GhostCoder> Imagine how much more fun Loveline would be if THESE people called in.
<GhostCoder> "hello doctor i had married 1 year back beginning i had no problem having sex with my wife now she is not at all showing interest, but i need to have sex every day forcibly. Please advice me to convince my wife for showing her interest on sex. Please mail me
<GhostCoder> Adam would have a field day!
<raven> I think "forcibly" = "urgently"
<agent_orange> "with great speed"
<mdxi> "Is it Harmful for women to take bath in Hot water, does it affect ovum count or pregnancy or even the menstrual cycle."
<mdxi> apparently, everything in india is about having offspring
<mdxi> as if that weren't already obvious
but they never, ever have a cow, man
<mdxi> "How can I retain my previous firmness in my breasts?"
<mdxi> "I am married and enjoying a very good sexual life. My wife likes to crush my testicals and I too enjoy it but sometimes it pains me, I want to know if I continue this habit will it lead to any serious problem?"
<mdxi> "Crushing the testes can cause severe pain and at times top the heart from beating."
<agent_orange> "MY wife likes to drop heavy statures of shiva (in his Destroyer aspect) on my tacticals. Usually this feels great. But sometimes it does not. Am I masturbating too much?"
<Machival> How can he navigate properly?
<mdxi> http://www.hindimatrimony.com/cgi-bin/viewphoto.cgi?TYPE=P&ID=H105255 <- ladies and gentlemen..Rosie O'Daharupamuda!
<ristoril> so what, is that where you pick out your wife to be?
<mdxi> http://www.hindimatrimony.com/cgi-bin/viewphoto.cgi?TYPE=P&ID=H104507 <- it was very forward-thinking of Sears to include Indian women in their 1983 Fall/Winter catalogue
<mdxi> http://www.hindimatrimony.com/cgi-bin/viewphoto.cgi?TYPE=P&ID=H103881 <- first hottie i've found so far
<mdxi> i find it interesting that these listings have a field for "$caste ($astrological_sign)"
<mdxi> like: Brahmin (Virgo)
<Kyol> Checking out mail order brides, mdxi?
<mdxi> just seems fundamentally wrong for a culture with a religious caste system to blend astrology in with it
<mdxi> Kyol: agent_orange started it
<mdxi> http://www.hindimatrimony.com/cgi-bin/viewphoto.cgi?TYPE=P&ID=H105230 <- she's cute, but i think she's also about 14
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