a.f.sw : God tells me.

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

So I said, "I'm an imperfect container for God's will."

And Jeffy said, "Why would a loving God create imperfect creatures?"

Then I said, "Isn't it time for little boys to go to bed?"

Jeffy said, "It's 3:42 in the afternoon."

I said, "I cause my own imperfection."

Jeffy said, "Why would a loving God create imperfection?"

I said, "God gave us free will, so we're free to follow him."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

45 minutes later, Thel pried me off the boy. Somehow, during my "rest" at Pine View, Jeffy got me to sign a contract whereby that little shit now draws most of the crap. THERE IS NO LOVING GOD!!!!

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

So I said, "Well, He told me to draw a cat sticking out of a toilet, but I can't get the ass to look right."

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

I said, "Because God tells me to do that too."

Jeffy said, "Why would God tell you to do a thing like that?"

I said, "Because God knows his creation is imperfect, and so he demands that His Chosen One correct these imperfections."

Jeffy said, "Who's the chosen one?"

I said, "ME, of course, you little shit! Haven't you learned anything in all that time I've been beating the crap out of you? Someday soon God will return to destroy ALL the imperfect beings on this Earth! Now go stock that bunker with canned goods, boy, and maybe I'll feel like suggesting to God that he let you live when the Day of Judgement comes!"

The Bible says there is only one way to heaven! To accept Jesus into your life, read the prayer at the bottom of this tract admitting that you are a sinner and that only Jesus can save you. Copyright Jack Chick Productions, 2001.

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

I said, "I can't tell the difference between God's voice and all the other voices in my head. By the way, God wants you to coat yourself in butter and hop into the oven for 30 minutes."

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

I said, "Because God's a lousy artist before he's had a couple of belts in him."

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

And I said, "Shhhhhh! *You* wanna tell the Big Guy to His face that His ideas on cartooning ain't worth shit?"

And then the lightning bolt came.

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"

I said, "God tells me."

Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

I leaned over and whispered, "thou shalt have no other god but me, jeffy...

...for I am the God of Fuck."