A Swingset. Thank a fucking heap. You old bat.
<tieboy> Will you guys be my "Family On The Web?"
<Leth> hell no
<SeanQ> "Family on the Web: Your Family on the Web"
<agent_orange> Hey! they have whole *courses* on creating folders, image resizing, and Windows 3.1!
<SeanQ> brought to you by Internet Sourceline: The Internet's Sourceline
<tieboy> I am "disappointed" That "you" won't BE MY "Family On The Web"
<Leth> Did you know that over 80% of the people in the world are not computer literate.
<Leth> What a problem!
<Leth> We would be Crazy to think we could build SkyBiz 2000 without educating the masses into the Computer Age.
<Leth> This is the reason we have aligned ourselves with Direct Approach Inc.
<agent_orange> I got your "family On The Web" right here, pal.
<Kyol> Oh, we aren't making up business card slogans.
<Leth> Bob, do /you/ think you can build SkyBiz 2000 without educating the masses?
<agent_orange> We will teach you the things you need to know to advance yourself into the Computer Age "QUICKLY".
<SeanQ> nothing says "trust my e-business" like a hotmail account
<agent_orange> Like the use of th CAPS LOCK "key".
<Leth> I can actually "hear" their fingers making the little "quotes" sign
<tieboy> This is Bob.
<tieboy> He just got his penis pierced.
<tieboy> Aren't you glad you can share that with your "Family etc etc
<agent_orange> But wait, What about Education?
*** CrazyClimber is now known as CCsPenisIsNotPierced
<kaufman> ok, who's kinking this into leth's page?
<tieboy> If everyone in your Family had a 15 Meg Web~Site, you could all post your current events for your entire Family to see. "We'll Even Teach You How."
<agent_orange> As Bill Gates once said "If your Business is not on the Web by the year 2000, you won't be in Business". We believe what he really meant is that
<agent_orange> your business will not be achieving it's fullest potential.
<tieboy> "We'll Even Teach You How?" Does that mean they won't??
<Leth> man...I think my perl script is going to explode with that url
<tieboy> one suggestion for pictures to post is "Grandma skiing"
<tieboy> Ski, dammit! So I can take your picture!
<SeanQ> tie: followed by "Grandma in traction"
<agent_orange> We believe what he mean was chickens are frgs, green went the valve-pop into miracle whip visine.
<kaufman> I got you babe
<CCsPenisIsNotPierced> x loop it We believe what he mean was chickens are frogs, green went the valve-pop into miracle whip visine.
<jeeb> CCsPenisIsNotPierced: We believe that that what means they were the polli are frogs, green have gone valve-crack in the visine of the miracle whip.
<agent_orange> How much for that "Creating Folders" course?
<agent_orange> I want to get my associates degree
<CCsPenisIsNotPierced> mmm... valve-crack
<agent_orange> In case the folk-singer thing falls through
<tieboy> Purchase your "15 Meg Web~Site" for $100. (plus a one time $10. application fee)
<SeanQ> *** CrazyClimber is now known as CCsValve-CrackIsNotPiercedEither
<Leth> Your Family /ON/ Campus^H^H^H^H The Web!
<CrazyClimber> whoops the cough stopped that last h
<SeanQ> CC: did you finally give up on Altoids while IRCing, for being too hazardous to your health?
<Leth> actually, the guy across the aisle got sick of being hit by them
<CrazyClimber> for a little while, bu I just finished another tin
<CrazyClimber> but aside from that, i've got a cold.
* CrazyClimber coughs an Altoid at Leth.
<Samwise> CC: do the cinnamon ones at least slow you down?
<CrazyClimber> oh yeah.
<CrazyClimber> i can only have a coupla those at a time, sam.
<Samwise> I can have maybe one a week.
<agent_orange> Susie couldn't care less. She was too busy enjoying her New Swing set. She thinks you're the Greatest Grandma. You really didn't have to send a Swing set.
<agent_orange> Postage due.
<agent_orange> When we don't have food for the baby.
<agent_orange> Or medicine for little Timmy.
<agent_orange> A Swingset. Thank a fucking heap. You old bat.
<tieboy> Plus, Susie has that destabilizing inner-ear condition, so she can't swing without vomiting
<Elkman> What's the short URL again? I was working, dammit.
<Leth> and I didn't cut & paste that, really
<kaufman> Susie likes soup.
<tieboy> http://www.somethingawful.com/links/ short link
<agent_orange> go to www.skynary.com/john and find the "Overview" link
<Leth> y'know, I'll bet that fucker is getting commission credit for every hit somethingawful gives that page
<tieboy> Creating Folders that enable you to organize your computer. Turning Your Computer on. Looking "at" Your Computer.
<tieboy> "We'll Teach You."
<agent_orange> Our "Easy to Use" Web~Site~Builder will enable you to Create and Maintain your "15 Meg Web~Site (with unlimited pages)" that "Keeps Your Family in Touch."
<agent_orange> if you don't mind apostrophes sprinkled through the fucking thing like pepper
<tieboy> ooh, ooh, you can hear a voice message from Steve
<tieboy> click convention registration at the top
<tieboy> not that i know who steve is
<agent_orange> "What is the Web~Site for?"
<kaufman> holy babel on a stick, go to www.skynary.com/john -- you can go to a couple dozen languages!
<agent_orange> "Wither the Web-fite? and other queftions of the modern dayes"
<kaufman> Sarie was min gepla. Sy was te besig om op haar nuwe swaai te speel. Sy dink jy is die beste Ouma in die węreld. Jy hoef nie regtig 'n swaai te gestuur het nie.
<kaufman> Zuzance to bylo všechno jedno. Byla příliš zabraná s novou houpačkou. Věří, že jsi ta nejlepší babička. Opravdu, nemusela jsi poslat tu houpačku.
<Elkman> "That's a Virgin Daiquiri, by the way. Althoughgiven where he's holding it, it won't stay that way for long.
<Kyol> Ah, hell, my terminal went all funny on me - it's only displaying funny letters now.
<Samwise> Someone cull the herd for good IADL's.
<agent_orange> The SkyBiz 2000 Web~Sites are best viewed in 800x600. You can easily check and see if your computer settings are at 800x600 or 480x640. If your computer is more than 2 years old we do not recommend that you change your settings.
<SeanQ> "Soon he'll be drinking chocolate milk"
<agent_orange> say what?
<kaufman> Bill Gates sagte einmal: "Ist Ihr Geschäft nicht bis zum Jahr 2000 im Internet, sind Sie wahrscheinlich nicht mehr im Geschäft." Was er damit meinte, war, daß Sie ohne im Internet präsent zu sein, nicht Ihre volle wirtschaftlichkeit erreichen können.
<tieboy> Jak Bill Gates jednou prohlásil: "Nebude-li Vaše podnikání do roku 2000 na Webu, nebudete podnikat". Mínil tím, že Vaše podnikání nedosáhne plného potenciálu.
<tieboy> Jak Bill?
<Leth> http://www.skynary.com/images/international.gif nice hlin, DICK
<agent_orange> ...complaints stem from the use of the names SkyBiz or skybiz.com, Skynary or skynary.com, Skybusiness or skybusiness.com, Skyfamily or skyfamily.com, familyontheweb or familyontheweb.com, companyonetheweb or companyonetheweb.com and skyboom or skyboom.com. (This rule also applies to ALL domain names hosted by SkyBiz).
<kaufman> Bill Gates egyszer azt monda: "Ha az Ön üzlete 2000-re nincs a Web-en, akkor Ön kimarad az üzletből." Azt értette ez alatt, hogy az Ön üzlete nem fogja kihasználni potenciális lehetőségeit.
<kaufman> (Bill Gates' hovercraft is full of eels)
<CrazyClimber> jeeb, how many eels will $41 billion buy?
<jeeb> crazyclimber: i don't know
<LesMiz> EELS OF FORTUNE!
<Leth> From the portuguese.....
<Leth> When the constructor will have loaded all the information for its computer, starts to dislocate the page for low.
<Leth> To select a deep one for its page, it is enough to clicar in the " Button of Options " located below of the deep one that you desire to use.
<agent_orange> Select a deep one, baby
<kaufman> heh -- CLICK HERE to ORDER your SkyBiz Business Cards NOW
<kaufman> just what you need mdxi
<SeanQ> "clicar in the Button of Options located below of the deep one that you desire to use" sounds like a Portuguese sex-ed manual
<tieboy> Dear New Skynary "Customer" Thank you for joining Sknary! Your "Easy to Remember" Web~Site Address is: http://skynary.com/skynarysite.asp?rep_email=johny%5Flim%40hotmail%2Ecom&rep_name=Lim+Kian+Beng&rep_phone=603%2D3446247&rep_uid=john&rep_fax=&saying=From+my+little+home+office+in+Enterprise%2CMs%2E+I+now+how+a+GLOBAL+business%2E+You%2C+too%2C+can+now+have+a+presence+on+the+world+wide+web+for+only+%24100+for+a+full+year%21++Let+me+show+you+how%2E+It%27s+ea
<Samwise> "OK, I need one each of the following: "
<tieboy> "Tell" Your "Friends"
<Leth> kaufman: it's under HTML Use Should Be Licensed on the archive
<agent_orange> put it under HTML Use Should Be Crushed and Wiped Out
<CrazyClimber> or under HTML "Users" Should Be "Crushed" and Wiped "Out"
<tieboy> oh, you need to see their free net course
<agent_orange> I hope it's the "Making folders" one, cause that's had me stymied for years now
<LesMiz> Is that like making babies?
<Leth> makin' bacon
<Leth> oops, sorry, makin~bacon
<Elkman> "No wonder you won "Most Badly Scaled Home"."
<kaufman> click on the video cassette then on website
<Leth> Click For Big Arrow?
<kaufman> or just on "Website"
<tieboy> You may have to type http://www. in the address line, but when "thinking about" an Internet Address, you can leave it off.
<tieboy> They actually say that
<Leth> wow.....subliminal animated gif
<tieboy> haa haa, they have a section titled "What about the LONG addresses?"
<tieboy> holy shit is this rich
<Leth> oh, nice.... "#1 MLM Opportunity!" spammer
<tieboy> Did you know...
<tieboy> When you Scroll Up you are Moving the Web Page Down?
<tieboy> When you Scroll Down you are Moving the Web Page Up?
<tieboy> They have a little page to practice scrolling on
<Elkman> Don't disorient me, dammit.
<Leth> LET'S GET STARTED LEARNIN' yup, fills me with confidence right away
<Leth> You are watching each "File" being "downloaded" piece by piece.
<tieboy> "First, look at your monitor. We'll call it your "Magic Glowing Box" from now on."
<kaufman> "Your new name is Pebcak".
<Leth> "When you "Download" a "File", little gnomes inside the Magic Glowing Box paint it on the inside of your screen, dot by dot"
<Kyol> "When someone tells you that he 0wns j00, he's telling you that he is an officer at your bank."
<tieboy> "You don't have to think about the gnomes"
<tieboy> There are literally Millions of Web Pages and that's a lot of Web Pages. That's why people get "hooked" on the Web. It's so intriguing.
<LesMiz> x loop fr First, look at your monitor. We'll call it your "Magic Glowing Box" from now on.
<jeeb> LesMiz: Initially, glance with your monitor. We will call henceforth it your " magic framework rougeoyant ".
<kaufman> x loop pt First, look at your monitor. We'll call it your "Magic Glowing Box" from now on.
<jeeb> kaufman: First, to look at in its monitor. We will call it its " box becoming incandescent magical " now on.
<tieboy> On the Web, everyone is "created equal" meaning that the "small players" are on an equal playing field with the "big players". There are a whole lot of "small players" and they are finding very "creative" ways to have their Web Pages noticed. Some good... some not so good.
<kaufman> heh, sounds like a perfume
<SeanQ> some web "designers" like to have an "odd bit of silliness" now and then
<LesMiz> "box becoming incandescent magical"...I know a woman like that!
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