<Lore> Watch for meteors?
<CrazyClimber> why not? i've done that on dates.
<Lore> Why is that a different activity than "Try star gazing"?
<CrazyClimber> meteors aren't stars
<CrazyClimber> with stars, you need to know something about the sky.
<CrazyClimber> with meteors, you just look for cool funny lights.
<Lore> Do you avert your eyes from the stars when looking for meteors?
<agent_orange> pikck flowers for a friend --> pick flowers for an arrangement
<Lore> And vice-versa?
<CrazyClimber> no, but you pay less attention to them.
<Lore> I thought decoupage was a sexual thing.
<Lore> Hug one another --> Love one another
<Freyja> If Martha Stewart does it on her show, it's the opposite of sexual
<Lore> Visit a college campus + visit the library = Visit a college library
<CrazyClimber> lore: if you're genuinely interested,
<CrazyClimber> also,
<Lore> Have a late evening cookout --> Have a neighborhood bar-b-que
<me_tew> Fiddle --> while Rome burns
<Lore> "Try a walk in the rain." I'm glad that they're making allowances for the possibility that I might not be able to pull that one off.
<CrazyClimber> might drown.
<Lore> Visit the library --> borrow a record from the library
<Lore> They're JUST NOT TRYING is my POINT.
<eGuru> Drive-by shooting --> Beating the homeless
<spinn> love one another
<spinn> ewwww
<me_tew> Explore an attic.
<Lore> While I suppose "talk about child care" can technically be considered a family activity, it's not exactly Normal Rockwell material.
<Lore> Explore an abandoned refrigerator
<Freyja> obviously, there is some padding. 75.3 Family Activities isn't very catchy
<Lore> "Have a family awards night." Jesus fuck.
<me_tew> Build a wooden toy.
<me_tew> "And, in the category of Best Supporting Dad, the nominees are..."
<Lore> "And now here's three-time nominee for 'best child,' Lindsey Remmelman!"
<Leth> "Make a stupid list for a web column"
<DnaError> Family awards night? "The prize for best Daddy goes to...the Mialman. Sorry Dadd..maybe next year." "It was na honor just to be nominated"
<antihero> "Tell the family reasons they're the best family in the world, yes they are"
<Leth> Have a family circus.
<Leth> no
<Leth> I will not
<Lore> "This sucks. Who invited Whoopi to MC?"
<Leth> I must not comment
<me_tew> Have a disfunctional family circus.
<antihero> "Lindsey is of course the "Susan Lucci" of the Family Awards, perpetually nominated and never quite making it"
<Leth> someone will, though. Thanks me
<Lore> "Make up puns."
<Lore> "You get in here right now, young man. In this family we make up puns together."
<eGuru> "Juggle sharp, heavy objects."
<DnaError> 'Its the musical numbers that really drag the event down"
<Lore> "Have a puppet show with hand-made puppets."
<me_tew> "And now, an interpretive dance on child support payments."
<Lore> "Complain about how Ricky's parents just let him play Tekken every night."
<me_tew> Give the family pet a bath.
<me_tew> Yeah, the goldfish really needs some soapsuds.
<antihero> "Have a puppet show with a denim curtain and a cotton stage."
* antihero steals shamelessy from Lore's past greatness
<DnaError> these people have never bathed a cat
<Lore> Thanks, Anti.
<Lore> "Design your own wrapping paper."
<antihero> well it's not like i can make with the funny on my own as efficiently
<Lore> "Have a family night talent show."
<Lore> "Write a suicide note together."
<me_tew> Play soccer. Invite holigans over to keep it exciting.
<DnaError> these are activies for when you're tapped in an isolated mountain cabin and trying to stave off cannibalism
<DnaError> "Go to same theapist"
<DnaError> at least, thats what my family did
<Lore> Really? Most of these would encourage me to kill, cook, and eat my cabin-mates.
<spinn> boy those would be special memories
<DnaError> that would come back as fhorrible flashbacks
<spinn> 14 years old, first girlfriend. "mom! can tracy be in our thursday night talent show?" "sure, dear!"
<spinn> and memories of having to move
<Lore> "Stalk Lots"
<DnaError> "Another year..another town"
<antihero> "Share drug needles."
<Lore> Have a waterfight in the backyard. "But Mom, it's January!" "Shutupshutupshutup!"
<DnaError> 'Stalk prey"
<Lore> "Cook an ethnic dinner." Does it count if you, yourself are ethnic?
<spinn> <Drusilla> no
<antihero> is that dinner FOR an ethnic? then you get to eat it yourself if you're an ethnic
<DnaError> "Bring a nergo home for dinner night"
<antihero> "Laugh together at homeless people"
<DnaError> "Don't sort garbage"
<antihero> "Take family pictures."
<antihero> "Can I put my pants on now, Mom?"
<Lore> It's really sad when the Mormons can come up with a better list of family activities than you.
<DnaError> "Make up witty captions to Family Circus cartoons"
<DnaError> "Get a new mom"
<Lore> Marginally betyter, but better nonetheless.
<me_tew> "Organize a game of capture the flag. "
<me_tew> The one over the post office should be easy to get.
<Lore> "* Write letters to grandparents or a missionary."
<Lore> That's a fun choice.
<antihero> "Have a family dance. Everyone can bring partners."
<antihero> I thought mormons weren't allowed to dance
<antihero> or have partners
<me_tew> "Listen to classical music, lights off, lying on the floor, and take turns saying what it sounds like.
<eGuru> that's baptists. mormon dads get extra partners, though.
<antihero> "Adopt a grandma or grandpa from the ward."
<antihero> the "ward"?
<antihero> they have grandma or grandpa wards?
<DnaError> "She followed us home, can we keep her?"
<Lore> Do a rain dance?
<antihero> "Do bubbles outside. Try different instruments"
<Lore> I'm pretty sure that's apostacy.
<Samwise> "I don't think so, sweetie... she looks rabid."
<antihero> Bubbles is the DOG!!!
<Samwise> ploot
<Lore> Memorize a family hymn?
<Lore> Mormons have family hymns?
<eGuru> there are anti-family hymns?
<antihero> Mormons have family EVERYthing
<DnaError> Well, its more of a town song..
<Lore> Beatific Lord/In Your Mansion On High/Look After The Souls/Of the Richardsons
<eGuru> it takes a harem to raise a village
<DnaError> The Mormon vision of the afterlife is one long family reunion that never ends
<Lore> x loop de Learn how to build a fire and the cook hot dogs and enjoy.
<jeeb> Lore: Learn, as one structures and enjoys a fire and the hot dogs of the cook.
<Leth> :D
<Samwise> Whoah.
<Lore> 96. * Talk about drugs. Do role-playing.
<Lore> That just described my typical weekend in Durham.
<Samwise> nearly coherent. You feeling OK, jeeb?
<antihero> x loop kr Learn how to build a fire and the cook hot dogs and enjoy.
<jeeb> antihero: Non and the cook hot dog build and the flag respect and and in order to enjoy study how.
<Lore> Okay, you're fourth level. Do you know where I can buy some pot?
<eGuru> "Roll. Roll _high_."
<DnaError> Hmm, will Mommy win best support actress for her role as the Crackho?
<DnaError> Saving roll against munchies
<Samwise> Saving throw, you uncultured mundane.
<Leth> wait
<Leth> did you just make a Xanth reference there Sam?
<Samwise> I'll never tell.
*** Samwise has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by Leth (granted, you didn't use a capital M)
<Lore> "Learn how to use a compass"?
<Lore> Is that difficult?
<Lore> I just assumed it pointed North and that was it.
<Lore> Do you have to prime it or something?
<antihero> Lore: i think it's so you can use it usefully
<antihero> otherwise, you wind up at the north pole
<Lore> Is there a way to make it point somewhere other than North?
<DnaError> big magnet nearby
<Lore> Or is this just memorizing that east is to your left.
<Lore> Right.
<Lore> Okay, maybe I do need a refresher course.
<eGuru> I see Lore's plans for the evening unfolding.
<CrazyClimber> there's a difference between magnetic north and true north.
<CrazyClimber> this is two science issues you people haven't understood today.
<Lore> So you DON'T end up at the North Pole.
<Lore> Bob, you fucker, I know that meteors aren't stars.
<CrazyClimber> it isn't impossible, but it's very unlikely.
<CrazyClimber> but you didn't know that meteor watching isn't star gazing.
<CrazyClimber> so there.
<eGuru> who would walk through that much Canada voluntarily?
<Lore> I did know that. I just questioned whether it might be more efficient to combine the two.
<Freyja> who cares? You're looking up at the sky at night anyway
<Lore> That's my point.
<CrazyClimber> oh, i missed that. no, it wouldn't.
<antihero> and really, you're just trying to show her the "big dipper" anyway
<antihero> cc: what, are you the efficiency expert?
<CrazyClimber> when it comes to stargazing, YEAH
<antihero> you're the stargazing efficiency expert.
<Lore> I'm saying that if you're stargazing, and you see a meteor, it seems picayune to keep it to yourself on the grounds that that's a different activity.
<CrazyClimber> because there's only about three damn clear nights a year in this city
<antihero> what?
<Lore> Do you do it as a family activity?
<antihero> how does that make you an expert?
<Lore> I'm not sure I want a toddler brunching my teeth.
<Samwise> Don't blow bob's cover.
<Samwise> He used to be a cosmonaut.
<Lore> I'm also not sure I want to go on a "Smelling Hunt."
<Lore> I'm not even sure I understand what a Smelling Hunt would entail.
<CrazyClimber> hey, sam, you're the one who thinks the universe will stop expanding at some point. :)
<Samwise> "Glue shapes onto paper"
<Lore> Perhaps Bob could inform us.
<spinn> track wolves by scat
<Samwise> Bob: we'll discuss this in a few billion years.
<Lore> "* Put lipstick on child and kiss a mirror!"
<antihero> spinn: wolves can sing jazz?
<Lore> I think that sentence needs work.
<antihero> crafty fuckers.
<Lore> * Sketch an outline of your child on the sidewalk or paper with chalk
<Lore> That one's just eerie.
<antihero> word
<raven> * Sprinkle with catsup!
<antihero> "Build play coffin for child!"
<Lore> "Wipe fingerprints off gun handle!"
<Lore> * Lay down on The Grass, Look At The Clouds and look for things like a bunny, a dragon, etc.
<raven> lore : If you do it long enough, you segue right into star gazing.
<Lore> Care to fill us in on that one, Bob?
<CrazyClimber> huh?
<Samwise> Whhuhuhhu... "Make a tape recording of short music selections and instructions to move in different ways!"
<raven> "Not dancing, for dancing is of the heathens! But, um,"
<Lore> * Disconnect your phone and pretend to make phone calls to relatives!
<tieboy> the universe isn't going to stop expanding?
<Lore> See, I like that one a lot more than the suggestions to actually call or visit people.
<CrazyClimber> no
<Freyja> "Practice putting things in and taking things out of boxes and bags! " It's never too early to learn valuable job skills
<Lore> * Give a piggie back ride!
<raven> * Teach your child to pick locks using a credit card and a penknife!
<Lore> I think they should specify who's the piggy in order to avoid lawsuits.
<Samwise> "Play Toddler bowling!"
<CrazyClimber> rave: or teach your child to tend bar
<Lore> * Make an easy puzzle with felt and velcro!
<raven> * Make a hard puzzle with glass shards and acid!
<Lore> * Make binoculars and go "Bird Watching" or "Stuffed Animal Watching"!
<Lore> Children love the process of creating high-index lenses from molten glass!
<raven> Little Jimmy hard at work at the grinding wheel....
<Lore> Stuffed Animal Watching. That's pathetic.
<DnaError> * Make high-quality wallets for sale on the streets of Hong Kong
<DnaError> *Have your children experience Frost's "Out out" first hand
<CrazyClimber> the guy who runs the lens-grinding facility for the chicago astronomical society has only one hand.
<Lore> If you're going to make your child go "Stuffed Animal Watching," I just say get cable.
<DnaError> Hour 13, Mr. Buttons has yet to move.
<Lore> "I believe that Snoopy and Paddington have come to trust me, even accept me as one of their own."
<DnaError> until he witness the gruesome "teddy bear picnic"
<Lore> "Mister Whiskers is clearly the alpha plushie. If I can convince him that I am a friend, perhaps I can get closer to the others."
<Lore> * Play See No Evil, Hear no Evil & Speak no Evil!
<Lore> Is that a game?
<Samwise> "Go on a Smelling Hunt!" yeah, we used to do that when 3 of us got a place after college
<Lore> I guess it's like Peek-A-Boo with an expansion pack.
<DnaError> "See who can be the quietest" is a game
<Freyja> sounds more like a coverup
<Samwise> "What the FUCK is that smell?" "I dunno; smells like it's something near the couch."
<Lore> * Don't ask, don't tell!
<DnaError> 'Dead skunk, dad's feet?" "We're playing, whats that odor?"
<Lore> * Take A Nap!
<DnaError> * Play "Get mommy another Miller draft"
<Lore> That's number eight on the Big List of Sentences Which Should Not Take Exclamation Points.
<raven> * Play "Don't tell anyone about the Bad Touching"
<Lore> * Make a Drum out of a box and use straws as the drumsticks!
<Lore> That's just cruel.
<DnaError> Don't you have pots and pans?
<Lore> "Pound harder, Mimi! I can't hear you!"
<raven> It's silent drumming!
<Samwise> Dna: Don't you have eardrums?
<spinn> wait, lore, are you talking about the drum or rave's thing?
<Lore> That's like "Make a trumpet out of a pillow!"
<Lore> The drum thing.
<Lore> I think it's sad to give a child ineffectual drumsticks.
<Lore> I think it's annoying to give them working ones though.
<DnaError> Mostly The Big List Of Things To Give Mommy an afternoon off Damnit!
<Lore> I'm just saying we should set the whole drum thing lightly aside.
<tieboy> i thought all the dark matter contributed enough mass to make the universe contract
<Lore> * Make a puddle on cement and splash barefoot in it!
<DnaError> Thats just sad.
<Lore> Well, I suppose urine is sterGAAAAAGCKH!
<Samwise> tie, you do *not* want to go there.
<Lore> * Have A Contest To See Who Can Giggle Or Smile The Longest!
<DnaError> Like some parody of childhood glee..."pour water..make puddle...slash gayfully"
<tieboy> i do. i want to go there
<Samwise> All right. Get 'im, Bob.
<Lore> It turns out that "Dark matter" is just a microbrew from Oregon.
<Lore> * Go for a walk-a-bout in around the block or in the park!
<raven> Dad comes home, the kids are all passed out, twitching feebly as they hack out dry cackles.
<Lore> How is a "walk-a-bout" different from a "walk"?
<raven> "Still...laughing...ha...ha...haaaaaa..."
<Lore> Heh. Nice imagery, Heather.
<Samwise> "I'm a good mommy, I'm a good mommy, I'm a good mommy..." as she rocks back and forth
<DnaError> Kids don't come homw
<Lore> Isn't a walkabout the whole aborigine vision quest thing?
<DnaError> Yeah, dump in the kids in the next county and see if they can make thier way home
<DnaError> Only the strong ones will survive
<Lore> Kids have an uncanny sense of direction. They have magnets in their eyes.
<Samwise> which tends to make compass reading tough.
<raven> Send the kids out with a Lunchable and a diet Coke. "You can come back when you've found enlightenment, sweetie."
<Lore> Heheheheheh.
<Lore> I can jsut imagine that. The loving pat on the head.
<tieboy> is this a link i missed?
<Samwise> Lore: when you have to find what's making that terrible smell
<CrazyClimber> tie: no, in fact, the current theories are that the universe expands faster and faster all the time
<raven> It when you come home and you realize the cats have pissed on *something* *somewhere* in the house.
<Lore> If you're playing it with a toddler, the answer is probably "The toddler."
<raven> "Mommy, mommy!" <intense look of concentration>phlubububulub* "It's me! It's me!"
<Lore> If that's the case, I've seen parents play "Smelling Hunt" all the time.
<Lore> It's really disturbing. They just lift the kid up and they totally bury their nose in its ass.
<tieboy> take a nap?
<tieboy> sounds like a game I'd think up for a kid
<raven> along with 'play in traffic'?
<tieboy> Go Away!
<antihero> man, that could start a serious war if you have more than one kids
<DnaError> They run out back and roll around in feces, trying to ensure that #1 spot
<CrazyClimber> * Scoop dirt or sand into a child's bucket (or use a serving spoon and bowl)!
<CrazyClimber> "It's all you're getting tonight!"
<Lore> One of the many reasons I frequent
<CrazyClimber> * Play dress-up with stuffed animals and your child's clothes!
<CrazyClimber> i see ads for that kind of thing a lot
<tieboy> Fill an old purse with toys!
<tieboy> da hell
<tieboy> no. i will not do that with my toddler
<Samwise> You have a toddler?
<raven> well, they do keep dropping them off in a basket at work...
<CrazyClimber> an inner one, i bet
<tieboy> even my inner toddler would be bored with putting toys in a bag
<tieboy> why not have them do some light bookkeeping
<Lore> YEah, I also like: * Stack canned or boxed food on top of each other!
* raven could use one to scrub the bathroom.
<antihero> "Clean up the yard!"
<Lore> Where I come from, that's called "Unpacking groceries."
<Samwise> Hehehehe... "monkey hate clean"
<DnaError> Tasks to teach the Prole children thier future lot in life
<Lore> * Stack mixing bowls or measuring cups inside each other!
<DnaError> Bathroom monkey!
<tieboy> Sort forks and knifes in the correct compartment!
<raven> Fold clean shirts and underwear!
<Lore> Toss out expired salad dressing!
<tieboy> *Gather dead leaves in a bag!
<Samwise> Play 'lawn mower' with the vacuum cleaner.
<Samwise> Then, with the lawn mower.
<raven> Then, with the floor waxer.
<tieboy> Rub a sponge and soapy water on the car!
<DnaError> *Balance the checkbook
<Lore> * Change the air conditioner's filter!
<DnaError> *Tidy up for company!
<Lore> * Discuss the electricity bill and what can be done to keep energy costs down!
<Lore> * Make and walk along a toilet paper trail!
<Lore> Boy, that brings a sentimental tear to my eye.
<Lore> That was my and Colette's first date.
<Samwise> Somehow, I don't think you ever want to promote toilet paper as a toy.
<tieboy> Use a paper towel tube as a megaphone! -- me, or the toddler?
<spinn> * comb the fringe on the hall rugs! make up a song to help you along!
<DnaError> * Shut up for 5 goddamn mintues so mommy can get some peace GODDAMNIT
<Lore> * Fit very subtle plugs for Websites in your ostensibly helpful list of activities!
<Lore> * Go Through the family picture album or videos and tell your child & let your child tell you, fun, fond memories of that person or photo!
<Lore> Fuckin' kids just make shit up, man.
<tieboy> Collect cigarette butts in your pockets!
<DnaError> That or they are all bitter and hardboiled
<Lore> The kid'll just be all, like, "Oh, that's the day we went on the balloon to see the ponies in the clouds! I'm a little lying fucker!"
<Lore> * Go to the airport and watch the planes take off, land, and taxi!
<DnaError> "Grandma, that bitch, wined and dined and left me without even a colorful chew toy"
<Lore> * Allow someone unknown to you to repack your bags!
<tieboy> Stare at a wall and pretend you're staring at a horse! For three hours!
<Freyja> * Make fun lists of things to do!
<tieboy> Pretend you're dead!
<Lore> * Make a fort out of cushions and sheets!
<Lore> Real original there, freebies4ya.
<Lore> * Make a super-hero costume out of household items!
<Freyja> * Run around with scissors!
<Samwise> I think the fort from couch cushions is instinctual.
<DnaError> Kids have a fort-building instinct
<DnaError> Its like birds and nests
<Lore> Such as power armor or web-slinging wristbands.
<DnaError> they just KNOW
<Samwise> Yes, that would be instinct.
<spinn> * Discuss conservative determinism vs. local nondeterminism!
<Lore> * Make Sailor/Pirate Telescopes out of Cardboard tubes from kitchen paper towel or foil rolls!
<Lore> I'm glad they left it open as to whether they're SAILOR telescopes or PIRATE telescopes.
<Lore> You don't want to squelch the kids' imagination.
<spinn> hell, why didn't they get two separate activities out of that
<tieboy> Arrrrr! This not be working for my pirrrate eyes!
<Lore> "This is clearly a pirate telescope, you little brain-warped idiot child."
<raven> Make Meteor/Star telescopes.
<spinn> looks down, it's painted blue with a yellow fingerpaint sun on it
<spinn> "arrr, this be for sailors! curses!"
<DnaError> "I can't see a thing..Oh..I know..its a Meteor Telescope
<tieboy> Lay down on The Grass, Look At The Clouds and look for things like a bunny, a dragon, etc
<tieboy> they need to explain that better
<Lore> Did you hear about the new pirate telescope?
<spinn> and somewhere, a sailor's getting pulled over by the local constabulary for owning contraband pirate telescopes
<Lore> * Play "Red Light, Green Light" saying "Go" and "Stop"!
<Lore> You're not really playing "Red Light, Green Light" then, are you?
<spinn> yeah, "light" just doesn't enter into it
<Lore> "Play Simon Says, Only Your Name is Judy."
<spinn> damn, I should've been paying more attention to this window
<Lore> "Play Mother May I, Substituting Other Appropriate Relatives and Members of the Law Enforcement Community."
<tieboy> Make an obstacle course out of cushions and/or furniture!
<Lore> "Play Charades, Only You Can Talk"
<DnaError> Mother May I is one twisted game
<tieboy> Make it really hard so your child can never escape!
<raven> bahahah, "All Day Charades"! I'll have to remember that for my nephew.
<DnaError> "I'm a bunny"
<spinn> "okay, I'm seven brides for seven brothers." "you're seven brides for seven brothers!" "SQUEEEEE!" clap clap clap clap
<Samwise> * Make a toilet paper barricade for child to go under, over, or through!
<tieboy> Play "Guess Who" by stating at the outset exactly who you are!
<Lore> * Play a musical instrument together- i.e. Kazoo, Harmonica, recorder, piano, etc!
<spinn> play a kazoo together?
<spinn> that's just an excuse to get it on with sis
<DnaError> the same one?
<Lore> Yeah, how does that work?
<raven> Heh, I mis-read that as "only mommy can talk". All day, kids frantically miming... "What's that, sweetie? You want to go watch a video? Okay."
<tieboy> eat one M&M together! Ya know?
<spinn> * Play All-Day Daddy Has A Migraine!
<Lore> Maybe each person only gets one end.
<Lore> It's like Lady and the Tramp, only backwards.
<Lore> And you're presumably not dogs.
<DnaError> Raven, I had that alot as a kid
<spinn> plus, 3-d
<Samwise> Meatball optional.
<tieboy> Paint child's palms with tempura paint and blot on paper! Pretend they're being booked!
<raven> * Share a romatic meal with your spaniel!
<Lore> Is that before or after the chalk outline?
<spinn> * Share your spaniel!
<tieboy> Mirror each other! Make complicated gestures your toddler cannot hope to reproduce!
<Lore> * Squirt each other with squirt bottles!
<Lore> That one never gets old.
<Freyja> especially if you fill the bottles with bleach.
<tieboy> hm, toddler bowling seemed promising until they explained it
<Lore> Plus, your child will never try to do that at inappropriate moments, ever.
<Lore> * String large beads onto or along a shoelace!
<Lore> What's the difference between "onto" and "along" in that sentence?
<tieboy> Play tug-of-war with a blanket! Or keep-away with your toddler's medication!
<Lore> Are they saying that you can just, you know, set the beads on top of the shoelace?
<raven> * String beads into cheap WWJD? bracelets and sell on street corners for the Glory of God.
<spinn> one is to just put them there. the other is to have fun shuttling them back and forth
<Samwise> Lore: I don't think there's legislation against that...
<Lore> I see.
<Lore> And what exactly are "meteors"? Are they stars?
<tieboy> Roll a ball back and forth on the floor!
<spinn> one is fun, the other is /great/ fun!
<spinn> determine which is which!
<spinn> which in itself is /ever/ so much fun!
<Lore> * Do Knee-Bouncing Rhymes!
<spinn> okay now you're making them up.
<DnaError> "Mommy doesn't have to know!"
<Lore> One for joy and one for sorrow/Boy will my ass hurt tomorrow
<spinn> bahahah
<spinn> ploot
<spinn> whoo, tears in my eyes on that one, lore
<Lore> Thanks, Greg.
<Lore> * Go To a "Mommy and Me" class in the community where your child can be around other children and experience music, crafts, using their bodies, etc.
<Lore> I'll leave that one to you pervs.
<Samwise> carnally?
<spinn> pervs? that sounds wholesome and delightful, what the hell are you thinking about?
<Lore> Heheheh.
<Samwise> * Make a domino chain! Or pizza hut!
<Lore> I apologize for my implications. Clearly you are all ladies and/or gentlemen.
<Lore> * Make a Toy Box for small toys out of a Shoebox and decorate it!
<tieboy> Sketch an outline of your child on the sidewalk or paper with chalk!
<tieboy> morbid
<DnaError> *Drink with your kids
<tieboy> Place your child in a pine box!
<Lore> * Place 3-D plain or magnetic letters in a brown paper bag. Ask your child to close his or her eyes and pick a letter out of the bag. To win the letter, he or she must tell you what letter it is!
<DnaError> "Take him down to the river, put him in the water, hold"
<Lore> "Win the letter"?
<Lore> "Win Ben Stein's Alphabet"
<DnaError> "I got P! Booha"
<tieboy> "I guessed K and got a K. Whoopie. Can we go back to the aiport?"
<tieboy> oh, that's nice: Disconnect your phone and pretend to make phone calls to relatives!
<spinn> instead of actually making calls to relatives
<tieboy> "What? Granny's not saying anything? She must be DEAD!!!"
<DnaError> "Thats cause Aunt Patty hates you"
<antihero> "She died because you're bad!"
<Lore> "Go into the foyer and pretend you're visiting grandma in the nursing home."
<raven> * Make calls to your dead pets and relatives.
<raven> "Sparky, are you there?"
<tieboy> Disconnect the electricity and pretend to watch TV!
<Lore> "Eat a big, delicious meal and pretend you're providing food to the homeless."
<tieboy> Disconnect Grampy's life support and pretend he's alive!
<Lore> Lock the child in his or her room and pretend you're having family activities!
<DnaError> "Lets have a pretend Christmas this year!:
<spinn> * play Quincy: pretend new evidence has come up in your hamster's death. exhume the body, yell at the family dog that you know what you're doing and the family will thank you for finding the truth!
<Lore> * Dance to music! (Dances like the Hokey Pokey Or the Twist)!
<DnaError> As opposed to what? Just standing immoible to music?
<Lore> I'm just wondering why the kid can't give the Electric Slide a shot.
<tieboy> Pretend you can't see or hear your toddler for a week!
<tieboy> Cry like he died and you're sad!
<spinn> heheh
<spinn> that deserved a replay
<Lore> Thanks to the SpiVo.
<raven> * Convince your child to stop shitting on everything.
<raven> * No, really, hon, could you stop- mommy means it thi- STOP SHITTING ON EVERYTHING
<Lore> * Roll a tennis ball into an empty trash can or bucket!
<Lore> Whoo.
<DnaError> Games for the Depressed Child
<Samwise> * Count ceiling tiles!
<Lore> ::roll:: ::plonk::
<Lore> Oh!
<Lore> I get it!
<Freyja> 71. Have a sleepover. Have pillowfights, give wach other makeovers, take goofy pictures!
<Freyja> 72. Start a new website!
<Lore> That's a TiVo noise.
<spinn> yes. my sound effects are appreciated far and wide
<Lore> I thought that was the dance remix or something.
<DnaError> "Mommy! Daddy trying to give me a makeover"
<Samwise> snkkkkkkt
<Samwise> fuckers
<spinn> heh, listening to techno right now
<Lore> Hoo! Wah! Hoo! Wah!
<spinn> hearing it.
<Samwise> must... cough...
* raven weeps silently with laughter at her desk.
<spinn> stop. shitting. stop. shitting. stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
<DnaError> ---everthang.............BUM BUM BUM BAH!
* Samwise looks away in desperation
<raven> goddamit, now I'll be waiting for the mp3, greg.
<tieboy> Now put your hands in the air! And wave 'em like you just don't care that you're shitting on everything!
<spinn> heyyyyy! poooooo! heyyyyy! poooooo!
<Samwise> dammit tie
<Guruzilla> only an hour of continuous snnkkt left for you west-coasters
<Lore> DANK, DANK, DANK DANK DANK ::four beat silence:: <depressed british voice>stop...shitting on everything</>
<Samwise> must... smoke... escape... humor...
* DnaError is reduced to a giggly pee monkey
<DnaError> damn you
<tieboy> Been shit-ting all your life, please stop pooing in my par-a-dise
<DnaError> Your own...personal....poo paradise.

Heather Garvey / Raven /
I want to submit a log!