"It was a one-in-a-million shot, officer!"


<kaufman> baseball theme week!
<Agent_Orange> ah, christ, not baseball
<Gayo> It's always baseball.
<kaufman> for Henchman, you can go with the GM from "Major League" :-)
<CrazyClimber> sometimes it's liquor and knitting
<kaufman> but our experts on those subjects aren't here
<tieboy> and tech stuff
<tieboy> and homosexual bondage and water sports
<tieboy> but haven't seen the hocks in a while
<Elkman> We need to make a list of who's an expert on what topic.
<Elkman> Who's the liquor expert?
<SeanQ> *** maime has joined #spinnwebe
<CrazyClimber> liquor? i hardly know her!
<Gayo> I'm not an expert on anything. Cry.
<Lots42> It's always baseball, which is another word for hot, impersonal sex.
<shil> can I be the lurking sex expert?
<Agent_Orange> no question
<SeanQ> lore is an expert on not hosting web sites
<Mr-Ben> I guess I'm the rock n' roll expert.
<Lots42> I know comics.
<Agent_Orange> I'm the District Manager of Disgust
<Elkman> Lots can be our expert on Cheetos, comic books, and job changing.
<Lots42> YAY!
<Agent_Orange> and ritalin
<Lots42> Wait, I want another title.
<Gayo> Isn't tie the expert on job changing?
<Elkman> And Kemlo, of course, is our chemistry expert.
<Gayo> He comes and goes like a zephyr.
<Mr-Ben> sol-D can be the expert on TMR.
<SoiledGreen> i am the expert of rotting cadavers.
<CrazyClimber> ./topic #spinnwebe Lore never got you ... up?
<wabewalkr> I'm no expert on anything.
<Gayo> I know a decent amount about rotting cadavers, aside from medical stuff.
<mdxi> i would be the expert on Flemish paintings and automobiles from the 1920s
<Agent_Orange> SG, you can be the expert on the american penal system and sex with underage girls
<Elkman> And anime?
<Gayo> How eclectic.
<Gayo> What's the lowest age of consent in the US?
<Agent_Orange> 9
<Gayo> It's 14 some places here.
<Gayo> 9, really?
<Gayo> Impressive.
<CrazyClimber> if they're young enough you can move their heads so they nod
<Agent_Orange> well, that's as l;ow as I've been able to get
<mdxi> it's still 14 in a few (maybe one?) state
<wabewalkr> There's no age of consent in the US. It's per state.
<SoiledGreen> it's 16 here.
* SoiledGreen would know.
<Agent_Orange> years, right?
<tieboy> it's 18 here
<Gayo> That's ewhat I mean./
<tieboy> 20 if you're a smoker
<Gayo> What state has the lowest?
<mdxi> mississippi is 14
<tieboy> planning a trip?
<mdxi> surprise, surprise
<SoiledGreen> mdxi: no, it's 16 now.
<Gayo> Nah, just like to collect trivia.
<wabewalkr> So, technically, there's no age of consent on military bases and Indian reservations.
<mdxi> it is? damn.
<Gayo> What's Hawaii? I heard odd things about hawaii.
<tieboy> zygote
<wabewalkr> Hawaii: it's not a state.
<mdxi> Gayo: no, that's Singapore
<Mr-Ben> 18 in Illinois.
<Gayo> I'm pretty sure it was Hawaii.
<tieboy> Hawaii: "We Bury Pigs. It's All We Could Think Of"
<Elkman> Apparently, you can go to Amsterdam and there's no age of consent there. hockeyfag found this out.
<Gayo> What a pioneer.
<Lots42> Hawaii is a pretend state. It's really an archipelego off the coast of Oregon
<Gayo> Well, it's more of a state than Puerto Rico.
<tieboy> ooh, Ordonez lined one into the pitcher's chest
<tieboy> and he's down
<tieboy> now they're saying it hit him in the mouth
* SeanQ turns the game back on
<Elkman> Did he explode in a shower of feathers?
<tieboy> now they're saying Mackie Sasser was on the Grassy Knoll
<Gayo> Baseball needs drunken brawling like Hockey.
<Agent_Orange> OI think the age of consent is neogtiable in louisiana
<SeanQ> that'll teach those fuckers to steal with an 8-1 lead
<Gayo> I always think it's funny when two teenagers are having sex and one is like four months older, and when he passes the age of consent he goes to jail.
<Agent_Orange> there's a law up for consideration in the LA legislature that would make that a misdemeanor
<SoiledGreen> Gayo: if you are that man, it's not that funny.
<Gayo> No, but I'm not.
<Gayo> And actually I mean "soul-crushingly ironic".
<Elkman> Agt: Who's fighting for this bill? And who's fighting against it?
<Agent_Orange> well, *I* think it's funny
<wabewalkr> Which state has the age of consent at 16, but it goes down to 14 if she's not a virgin?
<Agent_Orange> Elk: DA's are for it, because it's rarely prosecuted except when the (older) male is black and the (younger) female is white
<Agent_Orange> and they (and the judges) hate wasting their time on it -- and because of situations like Gayo & SG were talking about
<Elkman> Is it currently a felony?
<Agent_Orange> yeah
<Lots42> A couple states still have laws against porking your lover up the poopenspigot
<Gayo> More than a couple.
<Gayo> Sodomy laws are utterly ludicrous.
<Agent_Orange> as is oral sex and, yes, Lots, anal sex too
<Agent_Orange> if they catch you and feel like prosecuting
<Gayo> In texas you can't even OWN a buttplug.
<CrazyClimber> well, you have to call it a cigarette lighter.
<tieboy> renting them is easier, anyway
<wabewalkr> In texas, it's a felony to own more than one dildo.
<SoiledGreen> Elk: yeah, and you must register to be a sexual offender.
<Agent_Orange> SG; that's another thing the new law would abolish
<Gayo> My cock-shaped gel cigarette lighter.
<tieboy> what about a double-ended one?
* SeanQ pictures slovenly Mexican women smuggling dildos and buttplugs across the border
<SoiledGreen> actually, agto, you are only SUPPOSED to register if you are a sexual predator.
*** tieboy is now known as tielyingdownforabit
<Gayo> We wore out tie.
<Gayo> Ironically, I originally mistyped "out" as "our".
<SoiledGreen> such as pedophiles, rapist, incest, etc.
<Gayo> Incest laws are stupid anyhow.
<CrazyClimber> i'm not dating /your/ sister.
<mdxi> a guy here was charged with oral sex a few years back. it's a throw-the-book-at-them tactic around these parts
<Agent_Orange> All known rapists and child molesters are *encouraged* to register as sexual predators before leaving the building.
<Elkman> Is that like throwing something at two dogs who are humping?
<Gayo> Be funny if he got out of the sentence by blowing the judge.
<Agent_Orange> Occasionally the state of Louisiana makes its sexual predator list available to retailers who may have special offers of interest to sexual predators.
<CrazyClimber> the hospital where tracy works as a therapist has this cheap-ass id badge machine... it put a huge space between the "e" and the "r"
<SoiledGreen> "here! buy this butt-plug!"
<Agent_Orange> Would you like to receive the Iberville Parish Sexual Predator Newsletter? Yes [ ] No [ ]
<Agent_Orange> Filled with interviews, games and tips?
<SoiledGreen> "This week in Games: Tie Little Sister Down!"
<Lots42> Help The Scout Master Through The Woods Maze To The Scouts Skinny Dipping In The Pond!
<Kyol> I just peed in a cup and gave blood. Not at the same _time_ or anything..
<Gayo> Once you use a cup, you never want to go back.
<Agent_Orange> Can YOU spot the seven single women in this crowded shopping center parking lot?
<daria> Ughhhhhhh my hands are covered with dirt
<Lots42> They could make it easier by withdrawing blood from the penis. That way, they can have a needle/cup
<SoiledGreen> "we replaced this mans urine with folgers crystals. let's see if they notice."
<Kyol> sooooo diiiirty...
<CrazyClimber> we actually had a registered sex offender living in our building not too long ago.
<Agent_Orange> that's what you get for helping kyol
<Lots42> Why single women? Most freaks don't care for marital status
<Agent_Orange> CC: he have a big (R) on his willie?
<CrazyClimber> and ironically, it wasn't the guy who died when he jumped out of the window with a noose around his neck.
<Elkman> Sounds like a great building, CC.
<SoiledGreen> CC: i wonder why he did that.
<Gayo> You make it sound like he didn't mean to.
<CrazyClimber> well, his apartment was on fire at the time, but there are rumors he was pushed.
<Gayo> "Maybe this will make me taller!":
<CrazyClimber> zomp actually knew him better than me, kind of a freaky coincidence.
<Gayo> Huh.
<Gayo> Weird
<Agent_Orange> the jumper or the Sex Offender(R)?
<wabewalkr> Why does strange things happen around other people?
<CrazyClimber> then again, even though i'd been on the DFC for years, i met zomp through work first.
<Lots42> they were the same agt
<CrazyClimber> agt: the jumper
<CrazyClimber> lots, i just said they weren't the same.
<Lots42> I almost died many times
<Agent_Orange> Lots:dumbass
<Lots42> I missed the n't part
<Lots42> Fucknuckles
<Agent_Orange> snnkt
<Gayo> No double k there?
<Lots42> No.
<Agent_Orange> triple k
<Lots42> it's not grammatically correct
<Lots42> I didn't skirt the grim reaper in any sexcapades
<Gayo> Let's wait and ask Kemlo.
<Gayo> I wonder if anyone here does anything interesting when you ping them.
<Lots42> I tingle
<Gayo> I'm scared to try. Oh well.
<mdxi> it's CIVILITY is WHAT IT IS PLAIN and SIMPLE COMMON COURTESY and demonstrating a little RESPECT for PORNOGRAPHY
<CrazyClimber> geez. my zip code alone has nearly 150 registered sex offenders.
<Gayo> Anyone you know?
<Lots42> It'd be funny fi they lived in the same neighborhood
<CrazyClimber> it's alphabetical and my last name begins with s
<CrazyClimber> since no one in the same zip code is ever in the same neighborhood
<Lots42> ??
<Gayo> Ah.
<CrazyClimber> i wish you could sort by address, since i think i keep seeing the same ones
<CrazyClimber> man, we must live in halfway house ground zero.
<SoiledGreen> http://www.dps.state.ms.us/dps/dps.nsf/main?OpenForm
<Kyol> Suppose they have a club or something?
<SoiledGreen> depends on how they offend, i guess.
<Kyol> Ok, sing along time! o/` Who are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood... o/`
<Lots42> Where is this sexual offender registration site?
<Kyol> Bad hygiene.
<SoiledGreen> you gotta commit a crime, lots.
<CrazyClimber> the illinois site isn't as fun as it used to be -- they used to tell you what they'd been charged with.
<SoiledGreen> go hump some ladys leg out in public or something.
<Gayo> I want an espionage registration site.
<Gayo> Or high treason.
<CrazyClimber> but no one even on our street anymore, let alone in our building
<Lots42> Well, then how do I find out how many sex offenders are living near me?
<Mr-Ben> Walk around naked and smeared in peanut butter, Lots.
<Gayo> Place an ad in the personals.
<CrazyClimber> now there's a babe
<CrazyClimber> geez, sean, you foretold my kill.
<SeanQ> uhhh... sure, that's what I did
<CrazyClimber> gaaaaah: http://samnet.isp.state.il.us/ispso2/sex_offenders/asp/more_info.asp?name=E98A8095&thesize=100
<Agent_Orange> http://www.lasocpr.lsp.org/socpr/
<SoiledGreen> bahahaha! they have a John Doe.
* SeanQ copies that pic into Photoshop, adds the face-lady's tongue
<Gayo> Was the Louisiana Police homepage done by the chief's 12-year-old son?
<kaufman> Don King's mother?
<Lots42> http://pascocounty.com/sheriff/Sheriffwp-sex.htm most of these freaks *are* in the same neigbhorhood
<Agent_Orange> gayo: regrettably, it was probably done by some web "design" firm in BR
<SoiledGreen> http://www.sor.mdps.state.ms.us/So_qryIndivid_1.asp?[search_key]=1830
<Gayo> "Look! We know how to use tables!"
<Elkman> That's where you live, Lots?
<CrazyClimber> sg: dammit, why can't my neighborhood have h4wt sex offenders like her
<Lots42> No, I just live in the next county over. (The link page is borken)
<SeanQ> agto: you've got a father & son team working in your neighborhood
<Gayo> A bork bork borken!
<SoiledGreen> look out for those borkin links!
<Lots42> Is Your Relationship Abusive?
<Lots42> Does your partner or family member abuse you in any of these ways?
<Lots42> Physical Abuse
<Lots42> Push or shove you
<Lots42> Hold you to keep you from leaving
<Lots42> Slap, bite, kick or choke you
<Lots42> Hit or punch you
<Lots42> Throw objects at you
<SoiledGreen> you might get offended.
<Lots42> Abandon you in dangerous places
<Lots42> That last one boggles the mind
<SeanQ> http://www.lasocpr.lsp.org/Cool-ICE/default.asp?Category=SOCPR&Service=LASP_SOF_Rec&sid=001648211
<Agent_Orange> eep
<SeanQ> guilty of "carnal knowledge of a juvenile"
<Gayo> Huh?
<Gayo> Whassat?
<Agent_Orange> fucking children
<SeanQ> i just liked the name.. "Slick Meaux"
<CrazyClimber> yeah, damn them
<SoiledGreen> they have consentual sex wit a child.
<Gayo> Knowledge?
<Gayo> Did they get this from the Old Testament?
<kaufman> your best shot to hit me in this edit is 560
<Lots42> So if a naked baby runs by you're guilty?
<SoiledGreen> no, if that naked baby runs by and you chase it with your pants down.
<Agent_Orange> and then stick your pecker in it
<SoiledGreen> THEN you are guilty.
<Lots42> An image I did not need
<CrazyClimber> and your pecker sneezes
<Lots42> But I asked the question so I can only blame myself
<Agent_Orange> and the naked baby shoots off it and arcs over the trees
<Gayo> SO why the fuck is this called "knowledge"?
<Lots42> What the fuck is wrong with you people?
<Agent_Orange> that IS from the old testament
<SoiledGreen> you know it, they "kinda" know it.
<CrazyClimber> and lands on someone else's pecker
<Agent_Orange> heh
<Elkman> Gayo: Because, otherwise, they'd be carnally ignorant.
<SeanQ> "It was a one-in-a-million shot, officer!"
<Lots42> CC, through the soft spot on the head
* SoiledGreen looks for some of his old high school buddies.
*** Lots42 has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by SeanQ (now that's just fucking sick)
<SoiledGreen> and i find one!
<SoiledGreen> snkkkkt
<Gayo> What'd he do?
<SeanQ> he bang the same 13-yr-old as you?
<SoiledGreen> http://www.sor.mdps.state.ms.us/So_qryIndivid_1.asp?[search_key]=318
<SoiledGreen> Touching of a Child for lustful purposes.
<Gayo> Fun guy.
<SoiledGreen> great with kids!
<CrazyClimber> geez, you can't even get to second base anymore?
<kaufman> unless you're the Brewers
<CrazyClimber> mine's at http://samnet.isp.state.il.us/ispso2/sex_offenders/index.asp and my zip code is 60640, if anyone wants to check it out
<Lots42> Somehow I fear this will be logged
<SoiledGreen> snkkkkkkt: http://www.sor.mdps.state.ms.us/So_qryIndivid_1.asp?[search_key]=2081
<Elkman> http://www.corr.state.mn.us/level3/county/citylist.htm is the list by city for Minnesota.
* Gayo touches a miner for lustful purposes.
<CrazyClimber> nearly 100 in the zip code i work in... 60607
<SeanQ> huh, I asked jeeb to google for "Minnesota sex offenders" and it gave me http://www.hockey.net
<Lots42> Oh no
<CrazyClimber> there's a penitentiary down the street, though, dunno if that's throwing it off
<Elkman> I have a little trouble believing this.
<Elkman> jeeb, google for Minnesota sex offenders
<jeeb> Elkman: Google says Minnesota sex offenders is http://www.doc.state.mn.us/level3/level3.asp or http://www.doc.state.mn.us/level3/county/citylist.htm or http://www.chron.com/cgi-bin/auth/story/content/chronicle/page1/97/11/25/notify.2-1.html
<tieboy> jeez elk
<SoiledGreen> "heeeeeey sonny! c'mere!": http://www.sor.mdps.state.ms.us/So_qryIndivid_1.asp?[search_key]=1000
*** SeanQ has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by kaufman (liar!)
<CrazyClimber> sg: is that thing behind him his height or his age?
<PyroP> Geeegh, my old polish next-door-neighbor was arrested for sexually abusing a minor. Don't joke about that.
<SoiledGreen> s/minor/small animals
<CrazyClimber> "i gotcher kielbasa right here, palski!"
* CrazyClimber is polish and takes advantage of the exemption
*** kaufman has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by kaufman (how many Poles does it take to screw in a 13-year-old?)
<Elkman> http://www.corr.state.mn.us/level3/offenders/179405.htm -- get this guy some Stridex.
<CrazyClimber> elk: must not have been successful, if his complexion didn't clear up
<SoiledGreen> Complexion: Ruddy
<Gayo> Great name.
<Gayo> Real fucker, though.
<SoiledGreen> "wanna little Yazzie, baby?"
<PyroP> This is a stranger on stranger penetration offense.
<PyroP> Hot stranger-on-stranger action!
<SoiledGreen> LQQK!
<Gayo> That's among the sleazier sex crimes.
<CrazyClimber> i wonder how only one of them could be a stranger.
<SoiledGreen> he BELONGS on there.
<Kyol> "That was _my_ penis?"
<SoiledGreen> todays topic all day have been about sexual offenders.
<Gayo> Nah, we talked about baseball earlier.
<SoiledGreen> oh! yeah!
<Gayo> But...actually...yeah, you're right.
<SoiledGreen> heh. you can even contact his agent!
<Gayo> Yay, penis gun.
<SoiledGreen> "s'uce me, i was wondering if mr Yazzie here would be availible for a childrens party...."
<Agent_Orange> http://www.lasocpr.lsp.org/Cool-ICE/default.asp?Category=SOCPR&Service=LASP_SOF_Rec&sid=000656412
<Agent_Orange> eeeeeeeeeeeagh
* SoiledGreen flees!
<Gayo> Now she looks unhappy.
<SoiledGreen> nooooooooo!
<Agent_Orange> Check out d00d's name: http://www.lasocpr.lsp.org/Cool-ICE/default.asp?Category=SOCPR&Service=LASP_SOF_Rec&sid=001436590
<CrazyClimber> why couldn't her first initial be "D."
<tieboy> man, aren't there any attractive pedophiles?
<Elkman> If they were attractive, they wouldn't HAVE to be pedophiles.
<Gayo> That's topic-worthy, but it's a bit too deliberate.
* Elkman hopes this won't be logged
<PyroP> The attractive ones don't get reported.
<SoiledGreen> agto, what is the parish outside of Natchez, MS.?
<Gayo> There aren't that many attractive people, periopd.
<SeanQ> christ, the CT sex offender server is all bogged down
<Agent_Orange> SG: dunno
<Gayo> God damn, straw hats are so cool.
<Agent_Orange> what does *that* have to do with child molestation?
<Agent_Orange> focus, man! focus!
<Gayo> Sorry, I was looking at porn and it made me think of straw hats.
<CrazyClimber> maybe gayo gives them out instead of candy, agt
<Agent_Orange> oh, sure. THAT'LL work.
<Agent_Orange> Hey, kid! Trade a blowjob for a snappy boater?
<CrazyClimber> babel Hey, kid! Trade a blowjob for a snappy boater?
<jeeb> CrazyClimber (by way of Chinese): Hey, child! Trades blowjob is one clear boat people?
<CrazyClimber> damn, no boat people on lake michigan
<Agent_Orange> x loop kr Touching of a Child for lustful purposes
<jeeb> Agent_Orange: The lustful for an objective the child it touches
<CrazyClimber> x loop de Touching of a Child for lustful purposes
<jeeb> CrazyClimber: Touch a child for lustful the purposes

Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!