no matter how you whines and wheezes
she won't fuck till you love jesus

SWHC



<Lore> Who's this Emily chica?
<tieboy> emily is a hyper-religious hottie
<tieboy> well. she has big cans, anyway
<zompist> and she's newly single
<zompist> maybe she could hook up with japhod, and drusilla could date someone who'd actually have sex with her
<Lore> Heh.
<Lore> So much for "domme."
<spinn> he's probably just a whiny sub
<Lore> "Stop watching Cardcaptors and pleasure me, WORM! Please?"
<tieboy> "punish my balls in the name of jesus!"
<Lore> "Now, sweetie, I don't think our relationship is READY for you to tie me up and torture my cock and balls."
<Lore> So Emily is chesty, zesty, and into the New Testy.
<zompist> and notmydesky!
<Lore> Did you actually use the phrase "romp in the hay"?
<mdxi> *dj scratching noises*
<spinn> she's a deskie and abstainy-sexy
<zompist> heh, i like that word for tie's fans
<spinn> he doesn't
<zompist> all the better then!
<spinn> oh for sure
<tieboy> yeah, surprised it doesn't get shoved in my face more often, frankly
<mdxi> what are they? NMDeviants?
<mdxi> Chris-tians?
<agent_orange> the *preferred* term is "deskers"
<spinn> well, one doesn't shove a fine wine into one's face often
<tieboy> Tempatriots
<Machival> oh, yeah, that emily. she was talking to me on AIM the other day.
<Lore> She's got the bod and she's down with God.
<zompist> "no, no, the theme week for nov. 11-15, 2001, as any desker should know, was 'fitness redux'"
<tieboy> She get on her kneeses for much more than Jesus
<Lore> So she's highly religious and yet willing to Californicate with you?
<me_tew> ***Now talking in #Tits_and_Temps
<Lore> Must be Unitarian.
<me_tew> I thought it was Calorefornia now.
<Lore> COORS
<Lore> FOR
<Lore> CALIFORNIA
<Lore> She's into blessing, confessing and undressing.
<spinn> she knows the name for each "begat" and strips to buff in nothing flat
<spinn> fuck that was tough
<Freyja> though impressive
<Lore> Hail Mary, full of grace/I want to sit upon your face
<tieboy> her butt got bruises and not from the pewses
<me_tew> Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are all already for a four-on-one.
<CCsLunchin> she knows which animals were on the ark and strips to nothing for a lark
<Lore> She's saved and depraved and totally shaved.
<spinn> father frank says "bless you daughter" but that isn't holy water
<spinn> ech
<spinn> forced cadence there
<CrazyClimber> she's filled with love from above and is tighter than OJ's glove
<Machival> she does the feast of every saint, she'll do you, too, but slut she ain't.
<Lore> She enjoys nookie and eats the Death Cookie.
<me_tew> Take her out to the park and you can hunt for "Noah's Ark".
<zompist> there once was a deskie named emily / whose values were god and family / she prayed to stay a virgin / but tieboy was urgin' / now her chastity's only a memory
<spinn> altar boys are really jonesin' for some sweet and holy bonesin'
<spinn> ooh, haiku!
<spinn> um
<Lore> She's baptized and tie-sized.
<CrazyClimber> she's misty about the crucifix and searches day and night for dicks
<tieboy> She talks to God, but hold the phone, she's using he rbutt to bury my bone
<Lore> She prays to St. Jude and something about nude.
<mdxi> Noter Damer / Omnus Pater / You want love / She's gotter lotter / Hailing Mary / Saving grace / Loves manchowder / In her face
<mdxi> BURMA SHAVE
<raven> That's a jumprope rhyme there, mdxi.
<spinn> emily is hot / spring leaves turn gently to brown / how's her daughter, then
<mdxi> oh. okay then
<mdxi> 1, 2, 3, 4 howmany dicks in the back door, 8, 9, 10, 11...
<CrazyClimber> <Lots42> Each night she says a new novena / She'll let you into her hot vagina
<spinn> man, I am useless for haikus right now
<Freyja> Virgin thighs closed shut / On wedding night, innocence lost / "Pretend I'm Jesus"
<spinn> ooh! um
<spinn> thank you. mm...
<CrazyClimber> her savior's love / guides her through a troubled life / she swallows, not spits
<Freyja> can't let you hog all the suck, spinn.
<spinn> sweet, chaste emily / husband's honeymoon surprise / cavernous winds howl
<spinn> baha
<spinn> thanks frey
<agent_orange> Stabat Mater, Masturbator
<tieboy> Churches on Sunday / the rest of the week she prays / for a teabagging
<me_tew> Two lusting lovers / Together in holy love / sighing "notmydesk"
<spinn> mm, not bad
<agent_orange> In nomine Patris / et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti / take it all, you whore
<tieboy> Quoting the scripture / Prayers and wisdom of Jesus / yeah, fine, bend over
<spinn> pentecostal man / dear jesus, look at those boobs / two years' cold showers
<spinn> bahahah
<spinn> I tried that, agto, it's 6
<spinn> eh hell you're way off
<agent_orange> shit
<Machival> yeah. that's, like, 6/9/5
<agent_orange> it's free haiku
<tieboy> Could God make a rock / so big he couldn't move it / hey, it's in my pants
<mdxi> her eyes closed in prayer / pull it out for money shot / oops hit the bible
<me_tew> Religious icon / Lusted after all this time / find the glory hole
<spinn> father walking by / four feet, clothes in heap, eyes lock / somewhere, a dog barks
<agent_orange> can you feel the power / the power of the bible? / jiggle the balls more
<mdxi> easter; renewal / teachings of christ bring us hope / bet she shaves the muff
<tieboy> God helps those in need / and I need a huge blow job / don't make God do it
<Freyja> Good and chaste she looks / but she hides a secret urge / into altar boys
<Machival> emily loves god / she kneels down but not for prayer / hey, set sail for cock
<Machival> this is my body / suck this in mem'ry of me / make sure you swallow
<spinn> thwack to the monk's head / dona eis requiem / jorie bored, want juice
<mdxi> slurp schla-owmph oh yeah / mmph mmph mmph *pop* lick the head / HNNNGRH DIRTY BITCH amen
<Lore> She feels the love of Jesus and the saints
<Lore> But something more for Chris of Not My Desk
<Lore> Whose love of women firm and statuesque
<Lore> Convinces him to tug at her constraints
<Lore> He tells her that she will have no complaints
<Lore> His need for her is no mere crude burlesque
<Lore> For though his life is sometimes Kafkaesque
<Lore> He longs to lose his skeptical restraints
<Lore> If Christ can open up this chaste one's dam
<Lore> He then will whisper "Wham, bam, thank you Lamb."
*** Lore has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by MrLuke (flood)
<spinn> sure just upstage us all why don't you
<Lore> Luke's a plebian.
<spinn> frickin iambic pentameter over there
<mdxi> it wasn't a sonnet though
<tieboy> you don't know the half... he's got a group of players reciting it outside my window
<Lore> Why wasn't it a sonnet?
<mdxi> aren't sonnets 14 lines?
<Lore> abbaabbacc Bay-BEE!
<CrazyClimber> i thought i remembered 14 lines
<me_tew> 14 lines.
<Lore> Oh, uh.
<CrazyClimber> but then, i thought haikus always mentioned the weather.
<Lore> Well, hell.
<mdxi> there's a quatrain
<mdxi> following that
<mdxi> i think
<Lore> Fuck.
<Lore> Okay, hold on.
<mdxi> okay, it's 2 stanzas of 4 lines and 2 stanzas of 3 lines.
<mdxi> actave
<agent_orange> fags
<mdxi> it was lovely though
<me_tew> Well, a Shakespearean sonnet is three quatrains and a final couplet.
<CrazyClimber> it could be the beginning of a new form of poetry
<Kyol> which is what tie's aiming for.
<Kyol> a couplet.
<Kyol> oh, nevermind.
<me_tew> Shakespearean: abab cdcd efef gg
<tieboy> i still love it
<agent_orange> There once was a man in the pulpit / who longed for a chick who could gulp it / he trolled NMD / till he found Emily / whose pious puss wait to engulf it
<tieboy> although my need for her is pretty goddamn mere and crude
<CrazyClimber> tie, i like your thought of the people underneath your window reciting it
<CrazyClimber> i filled in down10 and ghostcoder
<me_tew> Petrarchan: abba abba cde cde
<Kyol> Abba: mama mia
<agent_orange> Louis Prima: abba dabba abba dabba abba dabba dabba said the monkey to the chimp
<mdxi> Cab Calloway: HIDEE HIDEE HIDEE HIIIIIII
<me_tew> Italian: abba abba cdc dcd
<mdxi> Loravian: abbaabbacc fuck
<CrazyClimber> Moravian: up down left right shoot shoot shoot!
<tieboy> i've got a crusade / involving the pillaging / of your fur burger
<CrazyClimber> i think kyol's about the only one here who'll get that
<Kyol> I prefer "up down up down shoot shoot shoot", given the context.
<mdxi> Konami: uuddlrlrba select start
<Lore> She feels the love of Jesus and the saints
<Lore> But something more for Chris of Not My Desk
<Lore> Whose love of women firm and statuesque
<Lore> Convinces him to tug at her constraints.
<Lore> He tells her that she will have no complaints;
<Lore> His need for her is no mere crude burlesque.
<Lore> For though his life is sometimes Kafkaesque
<Lore> He longs to lose his skeptical restraints.
<Lore> Conversion, he explains, is on his mind
<Lore> And proof of God's pure love is all he needs
<Lore> To save him from the One Who Gives a Damn.
<Lore> She shows him Christ is infinitely kind
<Lore> By giving him that thing for which he pleads.
<Lore> And so he whispers "Wham, bam, thank you Lamb."
* CrazyClimber golfclaps
<Lore> Thanks.
<tieboy> wooo
<mdxi> okay you win. fag.
<tieboy> i shall never rhyme again
<me_tew> At least Frey didn't miss anything.
<CrazyClimber> i kinda pictured you at the podium waiting for the audience's reaction
<spinn> really
<spinn> my whole haiku interest drained right outta me
<Kyol> I'm never gonna dance again. Y'know, guilty feet? They've got no rhythm.
* CrazyClimber starts work on song about emily to the tune of "wreck of the edmund fitzgerald"
* Lore gets to converting the Illiad.
<Lore> Or rather, Iliad.
<CrazyClimber> "Oh Emily, Where Art Thou"
<Kyol> The Illiad - the new album from the Beastie Boys, due out this summer.
<Lore> Chapter IV: A New Hope for Chris Getting Laid
<mdxi> o/` an' she pulled down her pants / an' he shoved it right in / he grabbed both her hips / and went plowinnnnng o/`
<mdxi> best i could do on short notice
<agent_orange> big titty xtian girls who like to fuck but feel all wierd and guilty about it make great girlfriends
<CrazyClimber> a lot of papers write obits in advance. you could do that, except for riffs here.
<mdxi> agent_orange: is there a Yahoo! Club for that?
<spinn> o/` Iiiiiii am a wriiiiter of temping humorrr...I've seen boooobies on my day
<agent_orange> Lore must have been the kind of kid who built a working nuclear reactor for his fifth-grade science project
<Lore> Only if I could work sex into it somehow.
<CrazyClimber> glowing rods weren't enough for you?
<raven> by the end of the project, his rod was glowing.
<mdxi> i am the very model of a modern peener oh fuck this
<tieboy> o/ please starting fucking me everywhere... start banging me here and there o/
<Lore> Also, she has a love of Genesis and throbbing penesis.
<agent_orange> Genesis the band?
<TMR> Or Genesis the console?
<agent_orange> because, well, christianity is one thing, but prog rock is quite another
<Lore> Genesis the device from the Star Trek movies.
<zompist> there's some christian progressive rock
<CrazyClimber> she gets all hot for roger daltrey / but for chris, she's rather paltry
<mdxi> phil collins on drums / stupid fat bald old bastard / sususuckitbitch
<agent_orange> The Lamb Lies Down on Tieboy?
<agent_orange> no matter how you whines and wheezes / she won't fuck till you love jesus
<agent_orange> by the shores of oakland-gummi / by the stinking, fetid water / stood the brave called temping tieboy / ennsy manhood rigid standing
<me_tew> Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
<me_tew> Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled through the quiet fog.
<me_tew> "Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee--by these angels he hath sent thee
<me_tew> To torture me with rhymes and reference, make my mem'ry jog!
<me_tew> Stop, oh stop this rhyming rambling before I go agog!"
<me_tew> Quoth the Raven, "Log."


Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!