#spinnwebe Logs : The Heartbreak of Elksplit

<Elkman> I type in "ridicolizzazioni of the erected penis" and K-Man shows up.
<CrzyClmbr> and yeah, both .htmls are part of the URL -- ATT doesn't quite get these things
<K_Man> Elkman: You've got some serious lag going. This is a message from the past.
<spinn> wow, no kidding
<spinn> Hello, Elkman! We, the citizens of these great United States of America, greet you from the past!
<K_Man> GREETINGS, MR. MURRAY. THIS IS THE GHOST OF #SPINNWEBE PAST.
* Elkman is now upset with AT&T.
<dpk> Elkman's now like one of those time capsules
<dpk> let's see what he brings back! ooh! word of upset with AT&T!
<spinn> We must know if flying cars require petrol or alcohol!
<CrzyClmbr> You got a bone to pick with ATT, Elk?
<agt_orang> elkman: bet on the series for me?
<StanXhiao> hehehee
<StanXhiao> Is it true that people of your time ate flesh?
<spinn> the hopes and dreams off the clean-shaven white men of America go with you!
<spinn> of, damnit.
<StanXhiao> dream on, dream off, same thing, spinn
<Da_Raven> Shaved the dreams right off.
<agt_orang> elkum takum wampum for manhattan?
<spinn> when that gets to you In The Future, clean up that typo
<Elkman> AT&T just switched my home phone line to a "small business" account. I got charged $36.35 for ONE CALL.
<dpk> What was it like pre-apocalypse?
<spinn> ooh! we're getting reports of what at&t is like In The Future
<spinn> what's their stock price, elk? quick!
<StanXhiao> team Internet calling....
<spinn> I just realized I don't understand the temporal aspect of this conversation
<dpk> he's in the past, yeah
<StanXhiao> Oh, get with the times
<spinn> hope it makes sense by the time it gets to The Future
<K_Man> I thought Elkman is in the future?
<Elkman> You're leaving Stan?
* agt_orang gets out the venn diagrams
<dpk> in the future? hmm
<StanXhiao> No, I left, but then I came back when it was Time
<SeanQ> the future is now
<StanXhiao> Freshly Washed Baby is now Lathered Old Abe
<agt_orang> PJ is drawing the strip
<StanXhiao> PJ's son is inking
<Elkman> And I can'
<spinn> stan, apparently you're going to leave In The Future
<StanXhiao> No shit??
<Leth^> uh-oh...he's breaking up
<Leth^> we're losing him
<spinn> man, be freaky if Elk said like OH MY GOD SPINN NO
<Elkman> And I can't seem to dial into AT&T's 800 number and get a real human on the line, either.
<spinn> all run by Robot-Men now, is it?
<StanXhiao> In the future, humans don't answer the phone
<Leth^> but what about the past trying to call the future? what then?
<spinn> (pronouned "row-but")
<StanXhiao> As Bigge Rat once told me, "In the future, we will all be Xerox copies of ourselves."
<spinn> anyone ping him?
<spinn> I wanna know how long it takes to get to his epoch
<SeanQ> oh jeez, i just caught on... Elk is gonna read this Wednesday morning about 8:30
<agt_orang> Have you every called ATT and talked to an unfeeling robot? You will.
<Leth^> still waiting for a reply
* K_Man is still waiting for Elkman's ping reply.
<Leth^> Have a feel, robot me lad
<agt_orang> YOU ARE REQUIRED TO GET OFF THE SHED! Click whirrr
<agt_orang> bzzz ping MY HAND ARE MADE OF TITANIUM!
<StanXhiao> Robots are people too.
<StanXhiao> except for Bender
<Leth^> > ./dev/hand/rusty.rake > /shed/jeffy
<K_Man> MY NAME IS ELKMAN5000 YOU GODDAMN HUMANIMAL.
<spinn> oh, I know, I'll print everything out and mail it to him
<StanXhiao> Just make sure it's postage due
<SeanQ> Pony Express
<spinn> then he can type up a reply, and when I get it back, I'll transcribe it here
<CrzyClmbr> Call him collect, see how much ATT charges him.
<spinn> GOD I hope he gets this eventually. he's gonna think everyone's ignoring him and disconnect
<K_Man> We await this information from the future, Lt. Galcik. God speed.
<Elkman> His hand looks like it was grafted on.
<Leth^> "Wait, was that dot-dot-dash or dot-dash-dot?" Dammit..."
<agt_orang> Comming on ZD Net TV: Earlier Edition, where a young webgeek gets tomorrows /. today and must prevent server overload!
<CrzyClmbr> Of course, we won't know for weeks.
<spinn> oh, yah. "Please deposit 45 EuroFrancs for the next 30 dekacrons."
<SeanQ> heheh, i don't even remember what he's talking about
<K_Man> I think he's referring to the Mahir picture.
<agt_orang> .......................(ping)
<Leth^> I doubt he does, too
<Leth^> It fit in so well with the robo-Cecil though
<Leth^> MY HANDS ARE GRAFTED TO WOOD. eXECUTE FEELING MOTION, HUMAN JEFFY
<CrzyClmbr> spinnbot, will Elkman ever catch up to us?
<spinnbot> CrzyClmbr, Never.
<K_Man> Holy shit!
<K_Man> [Elkman PING reply]: 14mins 33secs
<Leth^> [Elkman PING reply]: 14mins 41secs
<agt_orang> "uncle roy" not found. (a)bort, (r)etry, (f)-f-funt!
<CrzyClmbr> I'm getting my pings returned almost immediately.
<CrzyClmbr> from elk, that is.
<K_Man> Wow. Bob is the link between these mangled time circuits.
<Leth^> Bob *is* the Nexus
<Elkman> I'm mentally lagged.
<dpk> i got my 903 second ping
<K_Man> Oh, shit, that puts him, what, 20 minutes back?
<CrzyClmbr> Knew this job would pay off eventually.
<agt_orang> Being fourteen minutes in the past... can't really stop that assasination, now can you?
<SeanQ> heh, K-man, that was to you, from your comment of last Thursday
<Leth^> at least on that show they give him 7 days
<SeanQ> on the bright side, when we're all ready to retire, he'll only have aged about two weeks
<Leth^> ah, so he's really traveling at light speed
<CrzyClmbr> maybe he only catches our messages as he zooms by while circling the universe
<agt_orang> "Someone will be killed by a falling piano at three twenty...ah, shit!"
<CrzyClmbr> Still getting my pings right back from Elk, if anyone has anything they want to say
<StanXhiao> Tell him we said "Hello," and don't drink the water
<K_Man> spinn: Did you send Elk the e-mail yet?
<StanXhiao> or the red liquid
<Leth^> but the veal's ok
<agt_orang> tell him the missles have been launched and he has twelve minutes
*** LJ-atwork (ladyj@ladyj.nowonline.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<CrzyClmbr> Let's see how long it takes Elk to say "Hi, J"
<StanXhiao> 14mins22sec
* Elkman slaps everyone in the channel with a large codfish
<CrzyClmbr> Will we feel that in 14 minutes, or did we feel it 14 minutes ago?
<dpk> Nov 23 12:53:04 main identd[78384]: Returned: 2854 , 6667 : NO-USER
<CrzyClmbr> We're going to ... lose him?
<agt_orang> I detect a disturbance in the force
<SeanQ> i'm still waiting for my ping
<StanXhiao> me too
<CrzyClmbr> When did the codfish go extinct? 1500s, wasn't it?
*** DarthElk (tam@isis.visi.com) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<StanXhiao> Oh, now he's his father!
<DarthElk> Bunch of clowns.
<Leth^> and the Evil Twin Elk jumps through the dimensional rift created by the time vortex
<DarthElk> You're right, Elkman is lagged.
*** CTCP PING reply from Elkman: 1021 seconds
<Da_Raven> 17.01 minutes to elkman
<DarthElk> Wow. With just two telnet windows, I can view the past AND the present.
<Leth^> The Power of Telnet
<spinn> damn! I got dropped. has elk's molecules phased with this dimension yet?
<DarthElk> Hi, spinn.
<CrzyClmbr> Had an Elksplit, spinn.
<spinn> aw hey.
<spinn> someone will have to send him the transcript
<CrzyClmbr> he's watching.
<agt_orang> *** CTCP PING reply from Elkman: Easter Card from 1964. $14.76 Postage Due
<Leth^> [Elkman PING reply]: 16mins 28secs
* DarthElk makes a mental note not to use a horribly lagged server again.
<CrzyClmbr> Damn, Elk, using a server in Frostbite Falls, you get what you deserve
<agt_orang> [Elkman PING reply]: ECHO! Echo! echo!
<CrzyClmbr> They have to thaw out each packet before they send it along.
<spinn> I can't think of an old way to say time
<DarthElk> It's probably actually in Minneapolis.
<agt_orang> Ye Olde Tymme?
<dpk> spinn, use references to the sun's position
<CrzyClmbr> "What is this 'noon' you speak of?"
<DarthElk> Is the old Elkman still lagged?
<DarthElk> spinnbot, am I lagged?
<spinnbot> DarthElk, Over my dead body.
<Elkman> spinnbot, am I lagged?
<spinnbot> Elkman, Answer hazy.
<DarthElk> Ah, I get it. The stuff I type in as Elkman gets to the channel right away, but everything you guys type is way-delayed.
<CrzyClmbr> Arizona State University's Symphonic Band will broadcast its concert tonight live over the Internet
<CrzyClmbr> The broadcast will begin at 7:30 p.m. MST, and will include tele-interviews with the featured composers
<CrzyClmbr> tele-interviews!
<dpk> wow, tele-interviews
<agt_orang> This could shut the net down! Backup, people, backup!
<CrzyClmbr> Elk's going to be even *more* lagged!
<spinn> tele-interviews? they gonna play that over the electric radio?
<StanXhiao> I'll have to ruch home on the trolley and warm up the DuMont!
<dpk> i remember when i saw my first tele-interview. i was so excited. i said "This is a story I'm going to save for my great grand-kids"
<agt_orang> They're gonna have Bach live o the net. Elkman will interview.
<StanXhiao> Isn't that Jack Benny swell?
<spinn> meanwhile, some guy in a workshop is thinking he needs an easier way to get watson to move his ass
<agt_orang> Hope it's not a hoax like that goddamn martian thing.
<Leth^> and a shadow falls on the door of a cottage on the shore of a dark Scottish lake
<agt_orang> Maw is still apoplectic.
<DarthElk> Oh, I just talked to Watson yesterday.
<DarthElk> I gave him some battery acid. That should do the trick.
<spinn> in '29, Elk, invest in apples
<spinn> they'll be on sale everywhere
<Leth^> and pencils
<spinn> uh what else
<spinn> hm.
<DarthElk> I was going to start a 401(k) plan in 1929.
<dpk> rope
<dpk> invest in rope
* DarthElk is the only person in the entire history of IRC to be lagged.
<Da_Raven> No, just the most humourously. :)
<spinn> yeah, you're an anomaly. we're fascinated.
<Leth^> street spautlas
<Da_Raven> Elk pulls his investments out just before the Crash, inadvertently creating the crisis he strove to avoid.
<StanXhiao> You're like that fellow they discovered in the Alpen glacier
<spinn> well, the cool part was that you were still sending in transmissions from whatever planet you didn't know you were on
<agt_orang> bet someone that russia will beat the us into space.
<Leth^> <Elkman> Damn that paradox! Aiiieeee!
<spinn> <Elkman> Guys, uh...avoid pork rinds for a couple weeks.
* K_Man chokes on his pork rinds
<dpk> hey, they've made a 'summers eve', just for me!
<dpk> i'm going to go enjoy being a woman
<DarthElk> dpk: Where did you find this?
* DarthElk waits 40 minutes for dpk's answer
<CrzyClmbr> dpk - feeling fresh again
<dpk> TV! oh, you may not have heard of TV yet
<Da_Raven> The magic picture box.
<dpk> it's this glowing box where corporations blast subliminal messages at you, trying to get you to buy their crap.
* K_Man is glad he's logging all this
<dpk> it's considered one of the greatest inventions of modern history. 'course.. it isn't sounding very good now.
<agt_orang> You may know it as the radio picture phone
<DarthElk> Oh! Is that the same thing as a kinescope?
<K_Man> And a corporation is what you might know as a joint-stock company, see?
<spinn> sorta. only not so puny and pathetic
<spinn> geez, ya neanderthal, STAND UP STRAIGHT
<TomFish> Mark McGwire is neither puny nor pathetic!
<TomFish> but he does come in a delicious new lime flavor
<Da_Raven> Mark McGwire's a kinescope?
<agt_orang> WARNING
<agt_orang> WARNING RED ZONE
<K_Man> STEP AWAY FROM THE PEENER
<K_Man> Oh yeah, Elk, get Frank Sinatra's signature while he's young. Trust me.
<StanXhiao> spinn, it would behoove you not to speak of President Roosevelt in that manner
<spinn> say, if you have some time, swing by Germany. there's a guy who needs his other nut removed
<StanXhiao> stand up straight, indeed
<spinn> wish we could get elk's text in sepia tone.
<agt_orang> Bet guys in bares that nixon will be president some day
<spinn> wait a minute, how'd we make the transition from elk being In The Future to elk talking on a gramaphone?
<dpk> i dunno.. i've always considered he was in the past
<spinn> I think a kinescope is some kinda mark mcguire/roosevelt fusion. I don't quite get it myself.
<dpk> i 'stepped out' about the future stuff
<CrzyClmbr> It's that human-to-elk years conversion issue.
<StanXhiao> 23 skidoo
<K_Man> The same way "nut sack" became "nutsak". No one will ever know.
<TomFish> but will the economy recover from all this?
<dpk> won't somebody think of the children!?!?
<agt_orang> with a hey-nonny-nonny and a hot-cha-cha!
<spinn> well, dpk, we were talking /from/ the past, see. by the time elk got the messages he'd be a lone human in a world of Robot-Men
* DarthElk has absolutely no idea how to explain this.
<Leth^> oh you, kid!
<StanXhiao> and they all wear flannel suits and drive DeSotos
<dpk> spinn, i see. i was looking at it differently, as if he was a 'time capsule', bringing messages from the past
<agt_orang> Read The Family Circuf Humourouf Cartoone evvery day in the Poft-iIntellegencer
<StanXhiao> By Gum, that young Keane has a sharp with about him!
<DarthElk> I suppose I could always fly out to Tonga and jump back and forth over the International Date Line until I catch up.
<spinn> bet he's a right young scalliwag at Whist!
<K_Man> Ever read that Channel Chuckles, Stan? That Keane boy is quite the choking young chum!
<StanXhiao> He's got a lot of zip and zing, he does!
<agt_orang> We shell start our oun Union of Recaptioneers, creating new keane captions over wireless!
<Leth^> or fly counter-clockwise around the Earth, Elk
<DarthElk> Yeah, that'd work too.
<CrzyClmbr> Have some more Postum, Elk!
<StanXhiao> We could call ourselves "The New Wobblies!"
<StanXhiao> And use mucilage to affix notes on the diner door!
<agt_orang> "The Dipeptic and unwholesome Family Circus!"
<agt_orang> Dispep--ah, fuck it
<agt_orang> I shall post photogravures of my nipple to the church door
<Leth^> Perhaps we can hang lithographs, and make witty statements about the people in them as well.
<CrzyClmbr> Aye, the dog is mightily sized!
<StanXhiao> Good heavens, the magneto is overheating and they're regressing faster by the nonce!
<agt_orang> Call CANAL-3257 Zwebloz for helpful advice
<StanXhiao> Glad I'm stuck in the zinc-plated modern present
<agt_orang> ..wha...wha... what a remarkable dream!
<TomFish> ah, sweet copper wires and vacuum tubes
<StanXhiao> Tubes? We call them "valves."
<K_Man> Valves, pffft, that is *so* 1910's. Get with it, man! It's the roaring '20's!
<DarthElk> I don't have a clue WHAT decade it is any more.
<TomFish> curse you, red baron!
<agt_orang> Steam is all the rage nowadays!
<dpk> did they have a concept of time back then, elk?
<Leth^> Spinnwebe, eh? Sounds like one of the Kaiser's dirty Hun tricks!
<agt_orang> Zounds! His analytical engine has thrown a rod!
<DarthElk> They must have. Otherwise, the newspapers wouldn't have dates on them.
<K_Man> Oh yeah, Elk, stock up on booze while you can. You'll make a fortune during prohibition.
<DarthElk> Is anyone logging this? Maybe I can read it later and it'll make sense.
* Leth^ doubts it
<mdxi> get to be good friends with Joe Kennedy too
<CrzyClmbr> how long ago is later, elk?
<Leth^> no, I meant I doubt it'll make sense
<TomFish> oh, and drink lots of lemonade!
<Leth^> Oh, you might want to cancel that Hawaiian vacation in 1941
<DarthElk> Thanks. I'll send you a post-dated IOU.
<agt_orang> Elk: I will bury the log in a steel container on the corner of third and main. Pick it up at your leisure
<DarthElk> Thanks. But Third and Main run parallel in my town.
<agt_orang> whoa! spatioal distorion too!
<Photon> agt: Your text appears to be affected, as well
<agt_orang> it's this damn "any" key
<TomFish> space and time no longer have any meaning
<TomFish> if space and time do still exist: Resist!
<CrzyClmbr> kind of like the '70s?
<StanXhiao> Hospitals will all provide eternal life machines and super magnetic flux circulators in order to revive decomposed human bodies.
<TomFish> what are we gonna call the next decade? The aughts?
<dpk> the naughties?
<dpk> (soemone else used that, wasn't mine. :)
<StanXhiao> The Elks
<Leth^> Wait, I thought that there WASN'T going to be a future, that we'd all be dead by comets smahing the Earth as a result of Y2K?
<DarthElk> That's what the Illuminati wanted you to believe. The truth is more sinister.
<CrzyClmbr> No, Leth, that was the Mesozoic
<Leth^> Ah, so the Second Coming Of Roy is nigh, eh?
<TomFish> The future evolves Snidly Whiplash and Dick Dasterdly! What could be /more/ sinister?
<TomFish> I'll tell you!
<TomFish> SIMON BAR SINISTER!
<StanXhiao> Simon Bar Sinister
<StanXhiao> jinx
*** spinn (greg@goalie.hockey.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<spinn> not the best connection here today
<CrzyClmbr> Are you in the past or the future, spinn?
<DarthElk> spinn: How long ago did YOU log on?
<Leth^> more baby-spit-lady hassles?
<spinn> ::PROCESSING::
<spinn> no, it's the net connection here at work
<Leth^> One of the premier Internet psychics, I guess
<spinn> An explosion will occur on or between the longitude or latitude lines of 060 or 080.
<K_Man> A nap sounds good.
<K_Man> I'll talk to you guys later
<Leth^> cya K
<CrzyClmbr> sooner or later, K
<DarthElk> Seeya later, K.
* CrzyClmbr is still having time issues
<DarthElk> Probably much later if I'm still lagged.
*** Signoff: K_Man (Connection reset by Elkman's time fluxuation)
<spinn> Murder in Harlem
<spinn> This is more than one person, perhaps five killed, who make the world look at the incident with anger
<spinn> toward the ones who did the killing.
<spinn> wow, she's taking a firm stand there
<Leth^> "A new industry with some sort of metal will bring you a better economy. "
*** Signoff: agt_orang (Ping timeout: 480 seconds)
<Leth^> (on her 1999 page)
<spinn> "Some stuff happens when you're alive. Pack a lunch."
<mdxi> Baja, California is in the South Pacific? (See "Pollution")
*** Signoff: StanXhiao (Ping timeout)
<CrzyClmbr> The Midwest: There seems to be a parting of the land there, not on a grand scale but a little shaking going on. This could be a train making a hole in the ground.
<CrzyClmbr> Falling from the sky on January 1, probably.
<Leth^> Internal parasites will be shown to cause more disease than what was first thought.
<CrzyClmbr> Don't trains hibernate?
<spinn> maybe she was crossing her psychic images with her last sexual dream she had while riding a bus through Dallas
<spinn> ireland: a lady, with an irish name, well loved will die.
<spinn> WHOA
<spinn> like nostradamus but with cold, hard detail
<Leth^> Prince William’s cute little girl friend, with brown hair, will surprise some this year. "Your Majesty, I'm preggers!"
<CrzyClmbr> In the South Pacific, around Baja or something that looks like the coast of California possibly even South America (possibly Peru), if there is a place there that looks like Southern California, I see a great deal of pollution.
<spinn> oh man
<spinn> bottom of the page. you gotta be psychic to figure out her links
<mdxi> "All around the world, from January to December, thousands of people will die each day. There will be much mourning."
<mdxi> how's that?
<DarthElk> I'm going to do my color personality.
<Leth^> We will acknowledge that a new star has been found which can sustain life as we know it. I guess when people on other planets
<Leth^> see us, they think we are a star too.
<spinn> mdxi: fookin amazing
<spinn> that's deep. > Except for the ones with SCIENCE.
<spinn> "A drought somewhere will cause prices to go up."
<Leth^> It's sort of like a psychic Jack Handy
<spinn> heheheh
<mdxi> "Fuel prices will fluctuate."
<DarthElk> I should found the Psychic Ferns network.
<spinn> "The Netherlands will see some relief either over the next seven months or after the next seven months."
<DarthElk> "Thanks for calling the Psychic Ferns Network. Your time has come."
<dpk> "Natural resources will be consumed due to massive greed."
<CrzyClmbr> "Elk will catch up with the channel."
<mdxi> "Porn will be available over a huge, worldwide, hightech network."
<spinn> "Three clocks; a pound cake; a toothbrush. Next!"
<Leth^> "The sun, having risen in the East, will set in the west during the late afternoon"
<Leth^> oh...guestbook....
*** Signoff: SeanQ (God! Gibe not, it one big dog!)
<Leth^> and you can win stuff by writing in the guestbook!
<Leth^> http://www.psychicadvice.com/scope1/gestbook.html > Oooooh. > 'Gestbook'?
<Leth^> hehe... "Submit THIS"
* Da_Raven wants to win an Apocalypse.
*** StanXhiao (~mrlukeple@host-39-102-240.trin.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<DarthElk> It's not a real guestbook -- it's just an E-mail address harvester.
<DarthElk> Nashville, Tennessee: A new sound to come from this area...Sweet Holy Mother Mary up to her ass in Jesus' diapers, that's a big fucking dog!
<DarthElk> What we had considered country music will change again.
<Leth^> It looks to mee-sa as if there cave or mine collaps'in. Fear all around this situation.
*** agt_orang (agt_orang@gambit2.intersurf.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<agt_orang> what year is it?
<mdxi> what calendar are you using?
<DarthElk> spinnbot, what year is it?
<spinnbot> DarthElk, Maybe.
<CrzyClmbr> what is this "year" of which you speak?
<DarthElk> spinnbot, what time is it?
<spinnbot> DarthElk, It's 16:12 EST on 23 Nov 1999.
<agt_orang> 1999 Year of the Nutria Rat! Good Luck and Longevity!
* mdxi is a bunny
<LJagain> hmmm
* agt_orang backs away slowly
* LJagain is a tiger
<agt_orang> (he's one a them furries!)
* DarthElk is an elk... what did you expect?
<Leth^> Wow, she has Yoda writing her horoscopes... "Work, achievement, and ambition: these things mean a lot to you now. "
<agt_orang> I was born in '62, way back in the old calendar.
<agt_orang> before they changed the water.
<Leth^> Harmonious ties to others are what you yearn for; refinement and elegance are what you seek.
<CrzyClmbr> I was born in the year of the monkey.
* CrzyClmbr flings his feces around the channel.
<CrzyClmbr> So was GG Allin, I guess.
<Leth^> So, it was YOU that TheDodge was having monkey-sex with
* CrzyClmbr hopes mdxi doesn't have the pictures.
<DarthElk> Ick. I'm getting a bad feeling just thinking about the pictures.
<Leth^> mdxi's probably formatting his drive just in CASE he has the pictures.
<StanXhiao> Is anyone else working this Friday?
<agt_orang> my paper is printing a cover story on bulimia for the thanksgiving edition.
<agt_orang> remind me not to answer the phones.
<agt_orang> Stan: yeah
<Leth^> Stan: I wish...I'm going to my in-laws' in New York
<DarthElk> Especially the big white phone.
<StanXhiao> whee!
<StanXhiao> Leth: Some advice for dining at your in-laws--check the expiration date on the salad dressing bottle
<agt_orang> "Holiday Overindulgence? Try Puking!"
<Leth^> I think I'll egg Sean's house on the way by, though
<Leth^> break up the monotony
<StanXhiao> I was eating a salad at my in-law's house one night, the salad dressing had expired 10 years before
<agt_orang> icludes full coverage of the 1999 NCAA division I-AA bulimia finals
<CrzyClmbr> Guess I'll have to catch up with you New Englanders next summer.
<StanXhiao> and the alka-seltzer they offered had a picture of Speedy on the package
<agt_orang> Stan: once saw a can of soup in my girlfriends grandmother's pantry that had a picture of JFK on it...
<Leth^> Oh, that's the least of my worries. Maybe the rancid condiments will cover the taste of her step-mom's cooking better
<StanXhiao> mmmmm
<CrzyClmbr> Stan - did they know Elkman?
<StanXhiao> When Elkman was a pup, yes.
<StanXhiao> They kissed him in Times Square on V-J day
<StanXhiao> so Orange and I will be whooping it up here
<agt_orang> I did enjoy Elk's role as Bambi, and am sorry that he turned out like so many hollywood deer.
<DarthElk> I'll log in briefly to say "hi".
<Leth^> Who has to work on New Year's Eve, though?
<DarthElk> Then, I'll taunt anybody who's actually working Friday.
* mdxi is home for the rest of the week
<StanXhiao> I have to work New Year's Eve
<Leth^> OK, so I might be on here with ya then
<DarthElk> But I thought you said you were leaving the place, Stan.
<Leth^> at least until 11:59:59
<StanXhiao> well, I want to leave
<mdxi> the year i worked at TSYS i think christmas day is the only holiday i managed to have off. july 4, thanksgiving, labor day, armor day, kwanzaa, i was at work on all of 'em.
<mdxi> "arbor", rather > Armor Day would be cool.
<DarthElk> Armor day?
<StanXhiao> just haven't heard the official word yet
<mdxi> armor day would be cool. "Here we see an /ex/cellent example of the Old /High/ German field plate that was in use near the end of the /twelfth/ century.
<agt_orang> I have to work then too.
<StanXhiao> time for me to go
<Leth^> All the little kids dressing up as APC's, going door to door for ammo
<StanXhiao> see you all tomorrow
<Leth^> cya Stan
<StanXhiao> unless you're not here
<agt_orang> bye
*** StanXhiao has left channel #spinnwebe
<mdxi> later stan
<CrzyClmbr> reboot -- back in a few
*** Signoff: CrzyClmbr (Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaaain!)
<spinn> man, I'm tired.
<DarthElk> I'm wide awake. But that's because it's 9 AM for me.
<spinn> heheh
<spinn> I sent off the artwork for the mug today
<Leth^> well, time for me to head out too...later folks
*** Signoff: Leth^ (Fancy Shit Candy, I need sleep)
*** CrzyClmbr (~bsoron@7.extranet.enterconnect.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<CrzyClmbr> Did I miss much?
<spinn> no
<dpk> yes. one of us came out of the closet, while another went inside. guess who!?
<DarthElk> I'm not the one to ask.
<dpk> heh.
<spinn> I'm seriously sleepy from lack of coffee
<agt_orang> Stick it out, man! You don't /need/ the joe!
<CrzyClmbr> yeah, I was a little disappointed by that "no."
* agt_orang walks spinn around the room, slapping him awake
<agt_orang> here, try some of these white jimmys
<DarthElk> Ah, drugs: the perfect solution for temporal anomalies.
<CrzyClmbr> Yeah, that's it, he doesn't need caffeine if he has little white pills!
<agt_orang> Why Use A Boy to Do a Man's Job: Pfizer Black Beauties
* CrzyClmbr puts on the country classic, "Caffeine, Nicotine, Benzedrines"
<agt_orang> "Who / Put the Benzedrine / in Mrs Murphy's Ovaltine..."
*** K_Man (pinkfloyd@ABD7A43E.ipt.aol.com) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<K_Man> Dammit. Can't sleep.
* LJagain licks K_Man as he walks in
<K_Man> Danke!
<DarthElk> Geez. Nobody ever licks ME.
<LJagain> I'd lick you... but you intimidate me, Elkmeister
* K_Man licks DarthElk
<DarthElk> On the other hand, I think I know why I don't solicit licking.
<LJagain> I'd lick you, but I might catch normalcy from you.
*** TheBoy (TheBoy@tc1-38.thecore.com) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<K_Man> Heya Mike
<DarthElk> From ME? Me, of all people?
<LJagain> yep
<TheBoy> hey
<dpk> normalcy
<dpk> ew
<LJagain> ou seem very normal
<LJagain> +y
<TheBoy> and my day hits its apex as I come into #spinnwebe
<LJagain> but you're good-looking enough to lick
<DarthElk> Geez. I need to work on that, then.
<LJagain> I'd lick you if I thought you wanted me to.
<dpk> /set LICK_ME yes
<LJagain> hmm.
<dpk> irc needs a whole new set of flags.
* LJagain tries to decide why she doesn't want to lick dpk.
<LJagain> I dunno why... just don't.
<dpk> heh
<LJagain> *shrug*
* DarthElk can scarcely contain his excitement
<LJagain> but I'd lick Elk, uh-huh
<LJagain> I read that as "can scarecely contain his excrement"
<DarthElk> Aw, go ahead and lick. Nobody's watching.
<dpk> "You're nice and all, but.. you're just {not my type|a complete freak}"
<DarthElk> Just use a larger font.
<LJagain> heh dpk
* LJagain licks Elk's neck, just behind and below the ear.
<LJagain> there.
* DarthElk purrs, or whatever the hell it is that elk do.
<LJagain> heh
<K_Man> I think they make a moo-like sound.
* LJagain can't help but notice that Elk has a great rack ;)
* DarthElk notices LJagain's as well
<K_Man> heh
<LJagain> heh
<DarthElk> Actually, check out http://www.rmef.org/allabout.htm -- "All About Elk".
<K_Man> Jeez, is everyone else working or something? > Sorry. :)
<DarthElk> Not me.
<dpk> i'm working.
<CrzyClmbr> Just waching.
<CrzyClmbr> watching.
<agt_orang> work, work, work. like a little beaver. work work wrok.
<spinn> working
<K_Man> huhuh, huhuhuhuhuh, huh, huh huh, huh, he said "beaver". Huhuhuh.
<K_Man> Oh, damn, Enigma's not here to get the Beavis mojo going.
<DarthElk> http://www.rmef.org/enjoying.htm -- Enjoying Elk.
*** DarthElk is now known as Elkman
<agt_orang> "Stay clear of bulls during rutting season"
<agt_orang> damn good advice.
<LJagain> too many words
<LJagain> make brain hurt
<agt_orang> As my Dear Pappy said, "Son, never put your pecker into anything you can't get it out of."
<LJagain> heh
<agt_orang> 'Beca mail!
<K_Man> I just might give that advice to my son on his wedding day.
<agt_orang> in response to my "and then what happened?" mail:
<agt_orang> "click on the link!"
* CrzyClmbr unwraps the vacuum cleaner he was giving agt for his birthday
<K_Man> Along with "If you ever go back in time, don't step on anything!"
<agt_orang> CC: words I wish I had, in certain instances, paid more attention to.
<CrzyClmbr> heheh
<mdxi> wow, the iBook is the best selling laptop in the country.
<mdxi> wish i had one.
<CrzyClmbr> the *blueberry* iBook.
<mdxi> of course, i'd really rather have the iMac DV/SE
<mdxi> with the subwoofer
<agt_orang> !@#$% fruity names. I want fruity, I'll buy a box of pebbles, thanx.
* CrzyClmbr skates around the room
<CrzyClmbr> Anyway, folks, I'm on vacation as of six minutes ago.
<mdxi> well, the one i'm talking about is called "Graphite"
<mdxi> woohoo!
<CrzyClmbr> See y'all Monday, except for Elk, whom I'll see two Thursdays ago.
<Elkman> I'll thank you later, CC.
<agt_orang> I just copied the Webster definition of "joke" and sent it to 'Beca
<K_Man> Seeya then, Bob!
<CrzyClmbr> enjoy the weekend
<agt_orang> bye CC
*** Signoff: CrzyClmbr (uuuuuuuuuuuuurp -- just practicing)
<Elkman> agt: Send it to the Katdiva folks instead.
<K_Man> Who's this "Rebecca" person?
<agt_orang> only if I can put the bubbleboy virus on it
<agt_orang> Main Entry: 1joke
<agt_orang> Pronunciation: 'jOk
<agt_orang> Function: noun
<agt_orang> Etymology: Latin jocus; perhaps akin to Old High German gehan to say, Sanskrit yAcati he asks
<agt_orang> Date: 1670
<agt_orang> 1 a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist b (1) : the humorous or
<agt_orang> ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting : KIDDING <can't take a joke> c : PRACTICAL JOKE d : LAUGHINGSTOCK
<agt_orang> 2 : something not to be taken seriously : a trifling matter <consider his skiing a joke -- Harold Callender> -- often used in negative construction
<agt_orang> <it is no joke to be lost in the desert>
*** agt_orang has been kicked off channel #spinnwebe by spinnbot (flood)
*** dpk has left channel #spinnwebe
*** agt_orang (agt_orang@gambit2.intersurf.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<agt_orang> sorry-- bad copy.
<K_Man> Wow. agtorange took dpk down with him.
<agt_orang> If I go down, I'm takin' someone with me!
<K_Man> Now, if only I could get a woman to say that to me...
<mdxi> YOU KILLE...oh screw it, it's too trite to even be funny as a retroref
<mdxi> heh. the double-tongued blowjob
<agt_orang> bada-bing!
<LJagain> K_Man: if I go down, I'm taking someone with me
<K_Man> Ehhhhhhhhxcellent.
<mdxi> probably hf
<K_Man> Gyaaah!
<LJagain> ha
<LJagain> um
<LJagain> no
<Elkman> Another disturbing mental image.
* mdxi has flashbacks to the GTG
<Elkman> Huh? I don't remember anything that kinky happening at the GTG.
* TheBoy has flashbacks of 'nam
<mdxi> it didn't
* K_Man has an acid flashback
<K_Man> Flashback Night on #spinnwebe!
<LJagain> well, I felt shawn up at the mini-golf course
<LJagain> right in front of hf
<mdxi> i was just kinda scared that hf might have really pounced on me
<mdxi> yeah, LJ grabbed my package (advice: don't dare her to do anything you can't live with)
* TheBoy has a flashback of keith having an acid flashback at his house
<K_Man> Huh?
<LJagain> you couldn't live with that, shawn?
<TheBoy> yeah, ya heaarrdd me!
<Elkman> Damn. I wish I hadn't been playing in back with Raven, Wabe, and Zompist.
<Elkman> I would have seen this action.
<agt_orang> hmmm... I'll save my LJ flashbacks till later...
<agt_orang> well
<agt_orang> not flashbacks, exactly...
<K_Man> I was joking if I did.
<LJagain> elk: it was over too fast
<LJagain> far too fast
<agt_orang> more like twisted hentai fantasies. ;)
<LJagain> Heshould have dared me to do more
<Elkman> Yeah. You guys could have made out in that concretish tunnel where the water comes out on top.
*** Sy_Borg (~alienspor@ldslppp135.mpls.uswest.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<agt_orang> *REDALERT* Knobjob On The Putt Putt Course! Security!
<Elkman> In fact, it would have been Freudian.
<Sy_Borg> Parumph.
<Elkman> Hi, Sy.
<Sy_Borg> 'Lo!
<K_Man> Heya Sy
<agt_orang> 'scuze us all whiule we hit the WHOIS button.
<Sy_Borg> Greetings. I am your host.
<Sy_Borg> Okay.
* Elkman told Sy_Borg about this channel, whether that was a good idea or not.
<spinn> mdxi, you there?
<agt_orang> he's in the can. LJ got to him
<LJagain> heh
<Sy_Borg> Bad idea. Very bad idea.
*** dpk (dpk@main.nwserv.com) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<dpk> hey hey
<K_Man> So, what alienic instruments do you play, Sy?
<agt_orang> come on, you kangaroo bastard, JUMP!
<K_Man> re dpk
<Sy_Borg> Um, some spores. No, really - guitar/keys/electronic drums.
* agt_orang is downloading bigass files
<Sy_Borg> Mr. Elkman plays antlers. Electric antlers.
<K_Man> Cool. I'm a guitarist m'self.
<spinn> hey dpk, thanks
<Sy_Borg> If you're bored you can check out: http://www.waste.org/~crash/crash.html for some guitar heavy stuff I did with a friend.
<spinn> is't there a way to get mail erros to go to an address?
<TheBoy> Keith plays the skin flute mostly
<Sy_Borg> Oh, Elkman, if you're not home already you'll just love the drive home.
<dpk> mail errors will go to postmaster@localhost typically
<spinn> but shouldn't the errors-to header work?
<Elkman> I have four wheel drive. I won't get stuck.
<Sy_Borg> Heh. What kind of guitar?
<K_Man> Hardy har har, Mike.
<K_Man> Bass.
<dpk> it may, but it won't work for every mailer out there
<Sy_Borg> You'll get stuck. They poured wet cement over the frozen sleet.
<Elkman> Do they have a skin flute section on amazon.com?
<spinn> ah.
<spinn> okay, that explains it then
<spinn> never had it actually work tho.
<dpk> i haven't tried it
<dpk> # use Errors-To: header?
<dpk> O UseErrorsTo=False
<dpk> heh
<dpk> that's in my sendmail.cf
<spinn> ah
<spinn> fucker
<dpk> that's the default, too
<Sy_Borg> Say 'gagula", like dracula, but gagging.
<spinn> huh. ah well.
* mdxi catches back up
<mdxi> LJagain: i didn't say that
<mdxi> spinn: yes.
<Elkman> How was it, mdxi?
<mdxi> i was in the KITCHEN
<mdxi> in a non-self-molesting capacity
<Elkman> Sounds kinky.
<LJagain> um
<LJagain> I didn't say you were in the can
<agt_orang> is that what they call it nowadays?
<LJagain> I said you should have dared me to do more
<mdxi> oh, i skimmed and read "you couldn't live with that?"
*** Signoff: Sy_Borg (Read error: 0 (Error 0))
*** Signoff: agt_orang (Connection reset by peer)
*** Sy_Borg (~alienspor@ldslppp135.mpls.uswest.net) has joined channel #spinnwebe
<Sy_Borg> arrgh.
<Sy_Borg> gotta get rid of that old wiring.
<Elkman> Are you sure it's your wiring?
<Sy_Borg> Yep.
<LJagain> oh, that :)
<K_Man> Downloading. Lag expected.
<LJagain> heehee
<Elkman> Does the WAN light turn off or start blinking? (The green one, that is.)
<Sy_Borg> laglaglaglag.
<Sy_Borg> I'll have to wait until it happens again. But it didn't happen once between 4 p.m. and about two minutes ago.
<Elkman> You missed the Elksplit earlier today. It was hilarious.
<Sy_Borg> Elksplit?
<K_Man> Oh, thanks for the reminder. I'll add that to my IRC quotes page now.
<Sy_Borg> Was that like a banana split?
<Elkman> I was on a slow IRC server and I was seeing everyone's responses some 17 minutes after they typed it. > He got an entry in the Jargon File. :)
<Sy_Borg> 17 minutes? So you were responding 17 minutes later? Did they realize what was happening?
<Elkman> Eventually, they figured it out. I figured it out too, but it took me 17 minutes.
<Sy_Borg> When did you finally get it?
<Sy_Borg> (not, I mean, 17 minutes later, but was it an hour after it started happening or???)
<Elkman> I'm not sure exactly... I think things looked semi-normal when I logged on, but I may have been lagged back then.
<Sy_Borg> hummmm..