"Are you there, God? It's me, Ronald."


<jacquilyn> God seems to have strong opinions on what is and isn't edible. And yet he allows Vegemite to continue to exist. I don't get it.
<Lore> "Make thy bread to be compact, not long and thin, for such is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord thy God."
<Samwise> Jacqi: I concur. I think many of the silly rules surrounding religions were not from God, but people who really, really liked making up rules.
<wabewalkr> Anyone else get the feeling that all these rules may turn out to be one giant snnkt?
<Lore> Good point, Samwise. It reminds me of working at McDonald's as a teen.
<TomtheFish> but the rules got me a hsband
<wabewalkr> Husband or High School Band?
<Samwise> McDonald's is run by God?
<wabewalkr> "Are you there, God? It's me, Ronald."
<Lore> "When thou passest the to-go order unto the customer, face the arches unto them, for so sayeth they God."
<Samwise> Ahhhh. Gotcha. Rules for their own sake.
<jacquilyn> "Thou Shalt Ask If They Want Fries with That"
<Lore> "If a stranger in thy restaurant asks for ketchup, do not give unto him packets unless you first ask how many he doth require."
<wabewalkr> "It is unclean to give barbeque sauce with anything but the nuggets of fowl; so sayeth THE LORD."
<Samwise> Yeah, no shit. Gimme my fucking BBQ sauce to put on your greasy fries.
<wabewalkr> They won't do it! The local place charges a whopping 10 cents unless you order the nuggets.
<Lore> "Only those who asketh for the strawberry jam may receive the strawberry jam. To all other thou must give the grape jam."
<Lore> Or the other way around, I forget.
<jacquilyn> They have Jam at McDonalds? What for?
<Lore> Um.
<wabewalkr> Grape is cheaper, so I think you got it right.
<Lore> I think the Big Breakfast has toast or something.
<hockwork> jacq: biscuits
<wabewalkr> Muffins.
<Samwise> Grimace slices.
<Lore> Man. When I was at McDonald's, I actually had someone say to me "There's a time to lean and a time to clean."
<Lore> Time to clean my size 13s out of his rectal cavity, more like.
<wabewalkr> And here I thought you'd say "... from his spleen."
<jacquilyn> I waited tables at a greasy spoon truck stop.
<Lore> Did you call people "hon"?
<Lore> You had to call people "hon," right?
<Samwise> Did you build up an immunity to flannel?
<jacquilyn> Oh, all the time.
<Lore> Did you say "What'll it be, hon?"
<Lore> Did you spank them when they were bad?
<Lore> Wait, wrong fetish.
<Lore> Um.
<jacquilyn> Nah, Lore, more 'Kin' I get ya, hon?'
<Lore> Did you chew gum?
<jacquilyn> Always.
<Samwise> "Shore, darlin'"
<jacquilyn> And I learned every waitresses most valueable piece of information:
<jacquilyn> Drunk Old Men Tip Well.
<Raven> Well, sure, especially if you give them a push right in the middle of their forehead.
<Samwise> Smokers tip better, on average.
<Samwise> 'Cause we're really fuckin' nice people.
<jacquilyn> Right. Actually, it's to pay for medical treatment when your waitress dies of lung cancer.
<Samwise> Yup.
<Samwise> Spreadin' the love.
<Lore> Tall Nordic guys with goatees tip really well.

Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!