"Don't make any sudden moves around Cheryl."
<zompist> hee hee... someone's being interviewed here.
<Agent_Orange> those screams carry
* zompist is amused by the sight of people in suits sitting on the very edge of their chair
<Lots42> Run up to them and warn them to flee, flee before it's too late.
<zompist> why should i do that? i don't know them.
<Agent_Orange> "Oh ... you must be interviewing for ... *Brian's* old job ... poor Brian..."
<KemloCaesar> "there's a service for him this weekend...."
<Agent_Orange> Run up to them in a panic: "Are you from the exterminator? No? SHIT!" and run off
<Lots42> "Don't enter the restrooms after five o'clock. TRUST me."
<zompist> "we don't cotton to your kind around here, mister."
<SeanQ> "See how the blood made this pretty swirly pattern?"
<Agent_Orange> "DAED MAN INPUTTING!"
<KemloCaesar> "Or, if you absolutely must - bring small unmarked bills."
<spinn> "are you not 100% caucasian? c'mon, don't let regs stop you...we /need/ to know"
<SeanQ> zomp: stick your ehad in and ask the interviewer if *his* paycheck cleared last week
<Lots42> Interview them yourself when no one is looking. Write down the wrong answers. Be oblicvious. Deny anything happened later.
<zompist> or just demand a blowjob
<SeanQ> "Good niiiiiight *ding ding ding*"
<Agent_Orange> "You're here for the data entry position??!? Uh... just a minute. .. (into phone, sotto voce:) Mr. Williams? Someone is here for the 'Data Entry Position" ... Yesssss..."
<spinn> ask them if they have a pen. after they answer, ask them if they have any spare change.
<KemloCaesar> ask them the frequency of their implanted radiotracking device
<Lots42> "So you're a fifty eight year old black lesbian crack dealer.... uh huh."
<Agent_Orange> "Job? Someone's been handing you a line, buddy. Ain't no jobs here."
<zompist> "want to know how to get a job sure-fire? i'll give you a hint: it involves tongues."
<spinn> "probably yours."
<KemloCaesar> "Can you amuse my friends on IRC?"
<Agent_Orange> "Oh, chrsit, another one? Why won't anybody stay in that job for more than three days?"
<SeanQ> "Here's some advice, son: if it walks like a duck, adn it sounds like a duck, and it smells like a duck... well, it's probably just Marty from acounting."
<SeanQ> "His elevator don't go to al the floors any more."
<Agent_Orange> "If he asks you if you want to see what's in his top drawer, DON'T SAY YES!"
<KemloCaesar> "Do you have an economy-sized tub of Vaseline? No? Well, trust me - you'll need one."
<Lots42> Tell him his mom is on line 4
<Agent_Orange> "You must be the new mule."
<zompist> "you're interviewing with bob this afternoon? better buy all the amway he offers you."
<spinn> "you'll like it here...I don't know how it was on your last job, but here, at least, they provide a bidet...for after."
<KemloCaesar> "okay, before you go in there, I have to teach you how to make an Elder Sign"
<Lots42> "Don't mention cows."
<Agent_Orange> "weeee're alll a biiiig faaaaaamily heeeeere. Joinnnn the faaaaaamily."
<zompist> "don't mention the word 'job'. it's the name of mr. edwards's pet cat."
<KemloCaesar> "If you DO mention cows, don't break eye contact."
<Agent_Orange> "don't make any sudden moves around Cheryl."
<KemloCaesar> ".... Cheryl. *Cheryl*. The secretary. Standing right there. Can't you see her?"
<zompist> "what type of token are you supposed to be?"
<KemloCaesar> "Okay, we have your resumé - but where's the one for your imaginary friend?"
<zompist> "jee-zus, couldn't you have popped that pimple before you showed up?"
<Agent_Orange> "Oh, you'll *like* it here." slowly touch tip of tongue to upper lip.
<KemloCaesar> "How many communicable diseases do you have? ...... No, honestly."
<SeanQ> (walk in, lift the candidate's arm and study it) "Hmmm... yah, he'll be alright... he looks sturdier than the last guy, anyway."
<KemloCaesar> "Hold still while I count your teeth, dammit. Otherwise we won't be able to tell how old you are."
<Agent_Orange> "Mr. Johnson likes to do his interviews in the restroom. Follow me, please."
<KemloCaesar> no, no -
<KemloCaesar> put finger quotes around "interviews"
<spinn> "would you prefer to wear a short black skirt to the office? it would really show off your legs...maybe with black heels? lessee, you wear a size 9, right? ...oh, wait, sorry, I keep getting those mixed up. you wear a size 7?"
<KemloCaesar> "....you wear a size 7... *I* wear a size 9."
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