Condiment Art : Tastes Like Chicken
<tieboy> there's green ketchup now?
<tieboy> Timothy Hanz, 10, decorates a hamburger with squirts of Heinz's new "E-Z Squirt" bottled green ketchup at a commercial photo shoot in Pittsburgh Friday, July 7, 2000. "A lot of kids are going to love it," Hanz said. "I told one guy about it, and he's like, 'No way!' I'll draw stuff with it and eat a lot more ketchup."
<Raven> WTF makes *green* ketchup worthy of artwork and the red stuff just crap?
<Raven> I am so not understanding this one.
<CrazyClimber> mmm... condiment spin art.
<tieboy> I dunno, but who cares? We need our kids to be filled with ketchup at all times!
<tieboy> I couldn't get my kid to eat ketchtup, but now, it's all he eats!! Thanks, green ketchup!!!
<Raven> Condiment Scurvvy : The Silent Killer!
<jacquilyn> Pshaw. People who need gren squeezable ketchup for their art clearly haven't explored fully the possabilities of relish.
<Samwise> "Mom, can I have some of that swell ketchup?" "OK, but only one bowl!"
<Samwise> *ghaa* who was it that was telling me about winning a bet by drinking a bottle of ketchup?
<jacquilyn> If Heinz' wanted to do condiment artists a favour, they would have created a BLUE condiment.
<jacquilyn> Green, I had covered.
<Samwise> white, green, red, yellow, brown...
<jacquilyn> Yellow, orange, red, white. All of those I can do.
<jacquilyn> But blue, blue is an elemental colour that is missing from the condiment art universe.
<Samwise> Purple, obviously, also.
<Raven> Well, you can create purple with blue and red.
<jacquilyn> If you had blue, you could make purple.
<Samwise> Sooo..... let's do it.
<Samwise> Blue condiment. What kind ought it to be?
<jacquilyn> Besides, purple is a luxury colour. Without blue, you can't do sky, water or recycling boxes.
<Samwise> Something oozy, akin to mustard. And not the dijon kind, with the grainy bits.
<jacquilyn> I think what's missing in the condiment world is something meat based.
<Samwise> A blue, meat based condiment.
<jacquilyn> I mean, there are vegetable based ones, and dairy based ones.
<jacquilyn> What abour the meat and protein group?
<Raven> Something like an A-1 gravy?
<Samwise> Something you could put on vegetables to make them edible.
<jacquilyn> Raven: Exactly - except it would be blue.
<CrazyClimber> jac - and fish-based ones
<Samwise> Protein enriched.
<jacquilyn> Fish based?
<CrazyClimber> cf. worcestershire sauce
<mdxi> don't forget minerals
<mdxi> oh wait. salt.
<jacquilyn> worcestershire sauce is fish based?
<CrazyClimber> yes, there are anchovies in it.
<mdxi> i was really thinking more along the lines of "granite" or "pumice" though
<Samwise> Really small ones.
<mdxi> or "alluvial sediments"
<jacquilyn> Hmm. Well, that's my new thing to learn today. I guess I can go home and go back to bed how.
<Samwise> Heh, so, jacqi, what exactly should our bluemeat condiment taste like? Chicken, pork, beef, fish, or a combination of all the above, lovingly held together with soy protein?
<jacquilyn> Tastes like chicken sounds good to me, Sam.
<Samwise> Wow, you just named the product!
<Samwise> Heh, we can emphasize the initials, for a shorter name. Associated with tender loving care. That'll work.
<jacquilyn> "with new Tastes Like chicken sauce, you can buy those cheap 69c hamburgers, add a touch of sauce, and presto, you've got one of those more expensive chicken sandwiches.'
<jacquilyn> 'Works great with ball park hot dog, too.'
<Samwise> "Hey, honey... this salad's OK, but it sure could use some MEAT."
<CrazyClimber> why not just make baco-bits blue?
<Raven> cc : What kind of art can you make out of baco-bits?
<CrazyClimber> art with texture, of course!
<Samwise> Bob: well, first it's pork. Bacon lacks the universality of a truly lasting condiment. Second, part of the reason is aesthetic, and solid little chuncks defeat our purposes.
<CrazyClimber> actually, baco-bits are soy-based.
<Raven> Well, it wouldn't make a bad secondary condiment....
<CrazyClimber> and could probably be liquefied.
<tieboy> i have a shirt that says "everything is better wrapped in bacon"
<CrazyClimber> i mean, worcestershire sauce has liquified anchovies.
<Samwise> So, we take the bacon bits formula, in non-hard form...
<Raven> A condiment made of liquefied blue baco-bits....
<Samwise> we could even make varieties without the bacon flavor, substitute chicken flavor.
<CrazyClimber> just the way you say it, raven, makes me want some.
<kaufman> Edvard Munch's "The Seasoning"
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