THIS PRODUCT IS NOT "BUILT FOR TWO"
<spinn> I am re-biked
<spinn> sheese, this bike came with an owner's manual
<spinn> I'm moving up
<Elkman> "Always wear a helmet. Look both ways before crossing the street."
<Elkman> "Do NOT put playing cards in the spokes. This does not turn your bike into a motorcycle."
<spinn> actually it has a bunch of handy stuff on maintenance that I always kinda stumbled through
<spinn> although it says really large near the front: DO NOT RIDE AT NIGHT
<spinn> huh. as if.
<CrazyClimber> like you're gonna blanket the Scientology storefront with postits during the day...
<LJ-atwork> DO NOT RIDE OFF CLIFF
<LJ-atwork> DO NOT RIDE IN VAT FULL OF ACID
<spinn> but it does have a quick-release front tire, which kinda bugs me
<Agent_Orange> DO NOT RIDE IN OPEN FIRE OR FLAME
<Elkman> "Do not loosen the bolts that hold the wheels on before riding."
<SeanQ> BICYCLE DOES NOT MEET NTSA SIDE IMPACT SAFETY STANDARDS
<CrazyClimber> "Pop wheelies only under adult supervision."
<LJ-atwork> PLEASE ASSEMBLE PRODUCT BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO USE
<SeanQ> DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RIDE BICYCLE WITH SEAT REMOVED
<Agent_Orange> Make sure saddle is in place before mounting! :D
<CrazyClimber> "Caution: Air bag explosion may maim or kill."
<LJ-atwork> THIS PRODUCT IS NOT "BUILT FOR TWO"
<spinn> AVOID FOODS HIGH IN CHOLESTEROL BEFORE DURING OR AFTER RIDING
<Agent_Orange> DO NOT EAT
<SeanQ> "Do Not Ride For 15 Minutes After Eating"
<CrazyClimber> DO NOT USE FOR ONE HOUR AFTER EATING
<hf-away> wait at least 1/2 hour after eating to ride
<SeanQ> ohohoh, jinx EVERYONE
<hf-away> triple jinx
<LJ-atwork> PLANT TIRES FIRMLY ON GROUND, MOUNT BICYCLE, PEDAL.
<CrazyClimber> USER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SUPPLYING OWN PROPULSION.
<hf-away> do not attempt to ride bike underwater or upsidedown
<Elkman> "This bike does not enable the rider to fly."
<hf-away> Do not place an alien in a basket on the front of bike
<CrazyClimber> COMPANY DOES NOT GUARANTEE SUITABILITY FOR RIDING THROUGH LAND MINE FIELDS.
<spinn> IMMERSING THIS PERSONAL VEHICLE IN GAMMA RADIATION WILL NOT INBUE IT OR THE RIDER WITH SUPER POWERS
<SeanQ> "Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Bicycle"
<Agent_Orange> ALWAYS WEAR HELMET, PROTECTIVE GLOVES, ELBOW PADS, KNEE PADES, STEEL-TOED BOOTS, HIP PADS, AND KEVLAR VEST
<LJ-atwork> THIS IS NOT A TOY. OH WAIT A MINUTE. I SUPPOSE IT IS. NEVER MIND.
<SeanQ> "Not For Intimate Personal Hygeine Use"
<Agent_Orange> DO NOT HAVE FUN.
<LJ-atwork> DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BIKE
<hf-away> keep private parts clear of the chain area
<Elkman> "This bike has not been inspected or approved by the FDA. This bike is not intended to heal or cure any disease."
<Jinx_you_all_in_adavnce> i was going to say that
<mdxi> GNU Bike: THIS VEHICLE IS DISTRIBUTED IN THE HOPE THAT IT WILL BE USEFULL BUT WITH NO ABSOLUTELY WARANTY, EVEN THE GUARANTEE OF RIDABILITY OR USE AS A TWO-WHEELED METHOD OF LOCOMOTION.
<CrazyClimber> "USE OF THIS PRODUCT DOES NOT REPLACE QUESTIONABLE DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS."
<Agent_Orange> This Bike Property of Major League Baseball
<LJ-atwork> HAPPY FUN BIKE IS MADE OF A SUBSTANCE THAT FELL TO EARTH, PRESUMABLY FROM OUTER SPACE, FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF ALLOWING jESSICA TO MAKE THE HAPPY FUN BIKE JOKE.
<spinn> DO NOT WEAR STILTS WHILE RIDING
<hockeyfag> DO NOT DISCHARGE BIKE EXCEPT IN A WELL VENTILATED AREA, OR OUTDOORS
<LJ-atwork> WIPE DISCHARGE OFF BICYCLE AFGTER USE
<CrazyClimber> CAUTION: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE AND MAY EXPLODE IF HEATED.
<Elkman> "Bike is curiously strong."
<mdxi> BSD Bike: YOU MAY REDISTRIBUTE THIS BIKE BUT MUST INCLUDE A FLAG MOUNTED ON THE REAR WHICH READS "PARTS OF THIS BIKE ARE PROPERTY OF THE REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA"
<hockeyfag> WEAR PROTECTIVE EYEWEAR WHILE USING BIKE
|Heather Garvey / Raven / firstname.lastname@example.org||I want to submit a log!|