#spinnwebe Logs : BSDM Haiku-Writing Motherfuckers

SWHC


<LJ-atwork> I need a corset
<LJ-atwork> I have this fetish ball to attend on saturday
<Samwise> A corset?
<LJ-atwork> and a play party three weeks later
* DarthElk decides to work instead of asking for details
<LJ-atwork> out of fear, or lack of interest?
<Mr-Ben> Play party! Whoohoo!
<Mr-Ben> Let's all get together and just...PLAY!
<DarthElk> Fear, mostly.
<LJ-atwork> Ben... I don't think you know the rules of the game.
<CrazyClimber> there's only one way to learn.
<Mr-Ben> No, nobody ever showed me how.
<LJ-atwork> the games at this type of play party are much more fun than taboo
<DarthElk> I don't think anything's taboo at a play party.
<LJ-atwork> Ben: which is why we're taking up a collection to get someone to show you how
<kaufman> lj: go ahead, tell ben the safeword
<CrazyClimber> it would suck if your safeword were in the list of five things you couldn't say.
<mdxi> it was "nasendouche", wasn't it?
<LJ-atwork> the safeword is "hockeyfag, please come and ream my ass"
<Mr-Ben> That was safe7words/
<CrazyClimber> ooh, safehaiku
<CrazyClimber> please don't touch me there / not with that thing anyway / oh god make it stop
<mdxi> from the director of se7en
<LJ-atwork> oh, master... yellow / I will say red! I swear it! / Okay, just one more.
<agent_orange> the ball gag is round / rubber suit makes my nuts itch / I want my mommy
<LJ-atwork> agent's subject needs a psychoanalyst
<LJ-atwork> not for the rubber fetish
<LJ-atwork> but the mommy fetish
<agent_orange> and his predicate needs a proctologist!
<CrazyClimber> yeah, usually that's a 1-900 thing
<Samwise> Wait, do I know you? / Get that thing out of my ass / Shit, I can't think of the last line
<Mr-Ben> 1-900-RBR-FTSH or something.
<agent_orange> these play party guests/ they all look about fifty / slim picking tonight
<kaufman> Cuffs are on too tight / Welts up and down my poor back / And I have to pee
<LJ-atwork> Thump! Reverberation / Warmth spreads across reddened skin / Bruises tomorrow.
<TomtheFish> fifty is too young / bring out the dancing grannies / break out geritol
<LJ-atwork> agent goes to the wrong parties
<CrazyClimber> the candle wax hurts / i should not have shaved that part / please can i leave now?
<K-Man> my damn hovercraft / ran over my neighbor's dog / and tonight we eat!
<Mr-Ben> Do I want to know / About these weird fetishes / No, I'll just stay home.
<CrazyClimber> mister ben can play / but he has to want to play / he will. oh, he will.
<TomtheFish> let's be different / just like everyone else here / unique, my fat ass
<LJ-atwork> ow ow ow ow ow / ow ow oooh ow ow ow ow / ow ow ow ow stop.
<agent_orange> sensation in throat / odd, since only play from rear / oh, lord, big butt plug
<DarthElk> Some day you'll be there / And you will be unprepared / So why not go now?
<kaufman> Mistress it's true - I / Love to clean your boots, but I've / Licked a hole through them
<TomtheFish> phantom menace sucked / let's send george lucus to it / hello kitty weeps
<K-Man> the mashed potatoes / are still pretty good and warm / oh baby, let's rock.
<Mr-Ben> I've a sheltered life / But this time, I'm glad I do / You'll corrupt me not.
<CrazyClimber> ambivalent play / mistress isn't pretty but / she has a nice rack
<agent_orange> some girl on girl play / but creepy men stand and whack / shoo them away-- scat!
<kaufman> Haen't I yet earned / My spread in bmezine? / I want to go home!
<Samwise> Whips, chains and weapons / rubber suits and leather thongs / do not romance make
<mdxi> white flesh small welts raised / chopstick wielded with such care / not my thing, but hey
<Mr-Ben> Chains, whips and bondage / What kind of love is expressed? / Damned if I knew.
<agent_orange> I have a cold sore / mutual masturbation? / yeah, now you're talking!
<mdxi> fresh spoo on her face / looking up, pauses then says / heh...it smells like god
<Samwise> Nothing wrong with that / but if that stuff floats your boat / I'll be in the car
<TomtheFish> lookit me! lookit! / i must stand out from the crowd! / deviant? passe.
<Mr-Ben> Here's AOL porn / Oh my, lookit the breasts on-- / SHIT! AOL crashed!
<kaufman> You get out your toys / Yes, Yes! I come in buckets / Premature alas.
<agent_orange> pretty girl asks me / are you into watersports? / "never learned to swim!"
<Mr-Ben> Here's AOL porn... / Goodbye freedom, hello mom / Grounded for a year.. .
<mdxi> SPANK SPANK JERK HURRRRRR YOW / OH YEAH SPANK WHACK URF WANK JERK JERK / OH YEAH OH YEAH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
<Samwise> You had an extra syllable.
<SeanQ> return to channel / fruitless desperate scrollback / eh, haiku happens
<Mr-Ben> All these sex haikus / Too goddamn funny for words / And Bob just went snkkktt!
<LJ-atwork> AOL porn sucks / it sucks, unfortunately / not in a good way
<LJ-atwork> shawn's poem is extra jerky
<K-Man> It's whacktastic
<LJ-atwork> or extra whacky
<LJ-atwork> ehehe
<mdxi> counting syllables / you miss the soul of haiku / break form, be on edge
<kaufman> Samwise critiques Shawn / "That haiku you are putting on / Is too big for me"
<SeanQ> it's masturrific!
<agent_orange> you think you're freaky? / already tried everything? / bring in the gerbil!
<K-Man> It beats all the rest!
* LadyJ smacks shawn / form does not defeat its soul / lick my boot, you worm
<Samwise> Yes, we have sick minds / we just need to get out more / no dates for four months.
* SeanQ is impressed / haiku is much more forceful / viewed in all purple
<kaufman> Hey look here d00dette! / Size does matter; my midverse is / Eight syllables long!
<LJ-atwork> What do you mean, "we"? / I go out plenty often / I do not abstain.
<Mr-Ben> No dates for four months? / I haven't dated in a year / Can't figure out why...
<agent_orange> okay, have eyes closed / what is big goddamn surprise? / wow, that's a big one!
* LJ-atwork refuses to respond to Ben
<LJ-atwork> you're just asking for it
<Samwise> Begging, really.
<Kyol> possibly even pleading.
<CrazyClimber> the strap is buckled / the ball gag muffles my words / mmmph mmmph mmmph mmmph mmmph
<agent_orange> after play party / will take at least two weeks for / butthole to shrink back
<LJ-atwork> Imagining Bob / gagged and bound with leather straps / Tracy would kill me.
<CrazyClimber> speaking of torture, who decided that the world needed plum Starbursts?
<SeanQ> LJ: s/"kill me"/"join in"
<Mr-Ben> Bob channeled Kenny / Mumbling through his mask / Now let's kill the fuck!
* LJ-atwork buys some whisky for Tracy
<CrazyClimber> hehe
<CrazyClimber> but seriously, anyone want this plum-flavored starburst?
<LJ-atwork> no
<DarthElk> I thought you liked Altoids.
<kaufman> too kinky for me
<SeanQ> i can tell you wher to put it
<CrazyClimber> elk - i have to have lots of sugar first so that i need altoids.
<agent_orange> some freaky folks here / check out pee freaks in bathroom / oh, look! it's your mom
<Samwise> Mmmmmmmm...starrrburrst...
<Mr-Ben> Radio request / It's AC/DC's "Big Balls" / Of course I'll play it!
* agent_orange calls up ben & requests some cradle of filth
<agent_orange> backwards!
<Samwise> Moron next to me / I don't know you well enough / to talk while pissing.
<DarthElk> Radio request / It's AC/DC's "Big Balls" / Change the station now
<Kyol> ...I wish there was a way to fiddle with cookies in real time..
<SeanQ> "Whoa, man, check it out / listen - is that Freedom Rock? / well turn it up, dude!"
<agent_orange> Moron next to me / I don't know you well enough / to piss in your mouth
<Mr-Ben> It's Cradle of Filth/ Wouldn't you rather hear the / Spin Doctors all day?
<Mr-Ben> Heh!
<agent_orange> I would much prefer / to listen to cats fucking, / claws scraping blackboard
<LJ-atwork> My friends play guitar / They are sick of "Play Freebird!" / Give them more money
<Mr-Ben> K-Man plays the bass / He just cut his fingers off / How can he play now?
<agent_orange> contents of stomach: / mello yello, nestle quick / half-cup of semen
<CrazyClimber> sharing too much, agt!
<LJ-atwork> No-fingered bassist? / That is the epitome / of being useless.
<kaufman> all these sex haikus / distract me from editing / 519 is up
<LJ-atwork> I think agt was talking about shil
<Mr-Ben> Jerry Garcia / Played guitar with just four / But the Dead sucks, though!
<Samwise> I must correct that / the most useless thing I know / tits on a chicken.
<agent_orange> lost all my fingers / cannot play bass no more / use stumps to play drums
<Mr-Ben> Lost all my fingers / Can't play the bass any more / Can't beat off, either!
<SeanQ> fingers are severed / wher will I play my bass now / I could join Nirvana...
<LJ-atwork> Ben misses my point / I am not surprised at all. / Is anyone else?
<SeanQ> eh fuck, six syllables
<agent_orange> CC: lj is right. the contents of my stomach include coffee, yogurt, my pride...
<SeanQ> s/Nirvana/Green Day
<kaufman> play drums with my stumps, / and piano with my feet / tuba ... chicks love me
<Samwise> Lost all your fingers / well, so much for your big date / with lj-atwork.
* shil had a terrible terrible thought
<Kyol> Ooh, do tell.
<Samwise> Whazzat, sihl?
<CrazyClimber> yeah, spill it, so to speak.
<shil> the whole no fingers... date with LJ....
<LJ-atwork> it's an imagining that is awful, Sam.
* SeanQ preps the scalding-hot mental shower for shil
<shil> be easier to do that fisting thing
<agent_orange> lost all my fingers / but big pay party tonight / call me stumpfucker
<LJ-atwork> hhahaha shil
<tieboy> wristing?
<SeanQ> technically that'd be "stumping"
<shil> stumping
*** DarthElk is now known as Kemlo
<Kemlo> How can you fist someone with no fingers?
<SeanQ> jinx
<LJ-atwork> Stump the Band!
<agent_orange> triple jinx
<Kemlo> Oh, never mind. You all beat me to it.
*** kaufman is now known as HarlanEllison
<HarlanEllison> I have no fingers and I must {play bass / date LadyJ}
*** HarlanEllison is now known as kaufman
<SeanQ> go ahead, ken, i have the /kick command waiting
*** Kemlo is now known as DarthElk
<mdxi> whips and chains / may cause some pains / breasts and jism / eroticism / naked limbs twined like vines / in dr. seuss's dirty rhymes / The Cat in the Hat came just like That / on Mrs. Flooberboob's left cooter-flap / oh dear god i'm so ashamed / this erotic poem i have maimed / i guess that i should just stop / my poetic load's about to drop / but still i need a big finish / what rhymes with finish? oh yeah, "spinach" / i wanted to be like Dr. Seuss / but my po
<tieboy> werd
<agent_orange> where can i find me / a good looking amputee / all i see are hands!
<Mr-Ben> This haiku is in reverse / Five in the middle? / Ben flunked his haiku class...
<kaufman> while you're all talking / I'm getting some good pussy / She purrs in my lap
<agent_orange> now, If the poor soul had a tonguectomy, he'd be shit outta luck
<K-Man> daddy walks in room / "You WILL wear the gimp costume!" / I hate Saturdays razyClimber> hehe
<CrazyClimber> ah, the momories.
<CrazyClimber> dammit
<CrazyClimber> memories.
<SeanQ> mammories
<LJ-atwork> maimeries
<kaufman> dadories
<SeanQ> from the corners of my mind... misty water-colored mammaries...
<agent_orange> mistress LJ cruel / make you sing karaoke / no! what is safeword?
<CrazyClimber> mormonries.
<K-Man> hehehe
<LJ-atwork> I prefer people not sing when we go to karaoke, so i can sing more
<Mr-Ben> Safeword is "eggplant" / We are not sure why it is / It fit in this thing
<agent_orange> hard to sing arond those shoe gags anyway
<LJ-atwork> There was no safeword / When we endured the torture / of Dr. Otto.
<kaufman> OWWWWWWW! The pain! The pain! / I use safeword to no avail / Dentist will not stop
<K-Man> ow, stop it, eggplant / goddammit, I said eggplant! / WHAT THE FUCK! EGGPLANT!
<Mr-Ben> I said I'm sorry / There's no need to remind me / Again and again
<LJ-atwork> I never safeword. / I am a mouthy bottom. / Can't you hit *harder*?
<Samwise> At least zompist tried / to give us a safe way out / no one ate cookies.
<agent_orange> difference between / B&D and S&M / is earl wilson
<agent_orange> "A mouthy bottom"... that just rolls off the tongue, as it were...
<Mr-Ben> Earl Wilson, everyone / And everybody claps like crazy / Ain
<Mr-Ben> Drat!
<LJ-atwork> that just sucked, Ben
<Mr-Ben> Earl Wilson, everyone / And everybody claps like crazy / Better than Otto...
* LJ-atwork puts her hand on the top of her head in the "Suck Salute"
<LJ-atwork> how many fucking syllables are you using, Ben?
* Mr-Ben gets shovel / And beats J about the head! / Ha ha ha ha ha!
<LJ-atwork> your haiku kung-fu / is weak and no match for mine / depart, little man
<agent_orange> my safeword is "HARDER!"
<Samwise> I wouldn't try that / J only lets guys beat her / when she asked for it
<K-Man> his kung-fu is good / but my dragon style will / defeat it promptly.
<kaufman> I hate Master Stan / His technique's great, but always / His safeword is "Oing".
<agent_orange> my unsafeword is "bareback"
<LJ-atwork> I give permission / to all here except for Ben / to thrash me about.
<Mr-Ben> Safeword is "Otto" / It clears the room ev'ry time / Except for right now...
* agent_orange gets the horsewhip out of his trunk
<kaufman> Whip me! Beat me please! / Torture me! Make me work with / Microsoft programs
* Samwise ponders the horsewhip...then gets the coolwhip
* DarthElk thinks to last night, and decides not to thrash anyone or even think about it.
<agent_orange> time to break out the CandleWhacks(tm)!
<Mr-Ben> Horsewhip? Ha ha ha! / I have a bat wrapped in wire / The barbed kind, yeah.
<TomtheFish> god damn you, foxpro / i use the foulest of words / when speaking of you
<Samwise> I don't know why, but I pictured a flying mammal in barbed wire, and took a few minutes to wonder WTF that meant.
<Mr-Ben> You try conveying that with a stupid 5-7-5 format without sacrificing key words.
* Samwise sacrifices keywords on the altar of MS
<Samwise> Muhuhahhahaha! I call upon the dark one to curse you all with a plague of updates! MUHUHHAHAHA!
<agent_orange> typical--some freaky-ass wild playa chick says "thrash me around" and we get foxro and ms complaints. ;)
<agent_orange> foxpro
<TomtheFish> i'm living it right now
<Mr-Ben> Only in #spinnwebe, agto.
<Samwise> agt: it's our conversational fetal position.
<agent_orange> "Later, baby, my compiler is buggy!"
<Mr-Ben> She told me I couldn't thrash her around, though.
<Samwise> "Oops, too real...geek geek geek."
<kaufman> The haikus die out / Silence takes over channel / Hey, I like waffles
<agent_orange> "Maybe if I talk smart, no one will notice my hardon!"
<Samwise> This channel turns you on? Creeeepy.
<agent_orange> not me personally, hobbitboy
* Samwise hides the Oing
* SeanQ moves to the opposite end fo the channel as agent_orange
<Samwise> Boy?! I'll have you know, I'm *months* older than Ben!
<TomtheFish> fuck you in the fucking ass all the wat to hell, foxpro odbc driver
<Mr-Ben> Yes, he is!
* agent_orange hands out the cold ouchies
<Mr-Ben> AND he has his OWN place!
<LJ-atwork> freaky-ass wild playa chick?
<LJ-atwork> I don't even LIKE the beach
<agent_orange> what, did I leave one out?
* Samwise would like a clue, please
<agent_orange> sam: a bobby pin left on the floor of eddie's pickup you in the fucking ass all the way to hell, foxpro odbc driver!
<Mr-Ben> Those are called "cold ouchies"?
<Mr-Ben> ...the fuck, man?
<agent_orange> the opposite of "warm fuzzies"
<Samwise> OK, so I"m pondering...freaky beach, no...ass beach, no...wild beach e tc.
<LJ-atwork> I like warm ouchies
<agent_orange> from whatever original hell that concept came from


Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!