Without the funny beards, what's the point?!
<DML> Lore: Aren't you, like, Amish gone gay or something?
<Elkman> Lore's gay?
<Lore> I'm gay?
<jacquilyn> Lore's Amish?
<Lore> I'm Amish?
<dogmatix> wait, you guys aren't all gay? think i'm in the wrong irc room. fuck
<DML> jaq: That's what I was asking
<jacquilyn> I don't think Lore is gay or Amish, but I mean, I only met him that once.
<DML> And when an Amish person accepts modern culture he's said to be "going gay"
<Lore> Well, I had sex with my Amish roommate in college, but I was just experimenting with Amishness.
<Lore> I was Amish-curious.
<DML> I didn't mean he fucked boys
* DML goes out back to shoot himself now
<Samwise> DML: that's an incredibly fucked up use of the word gay.
<DML> It's not MY fault! It's the Amish
<Samwise> Or, that use of "gay" is gay.
<DML> Indeed. It IS really gay!
<Lore> Way gay.
* DML feels a junior-high catharsis. "I was afraid to use that in junior high because, well, I *was* gay..."
<Lore> "He said gay in an insufficiently derisive manner! Get him!"
<dogmatix> experimenting with being amish is a gateway lifestyle. first, you shun the tv, maybe write with a pen and paper instead of your word processor. before you know it, you're raising goats and making yourself a funny black hat
<Elkman> And raising barns.
<dogmatix> Just Say No.
<Samwise> Heh. I dabbled in shunning.
<Lore> So called "Ex-Amish" are clearly just closeted. They often admit to having a constant desire to thresh wheat.
<raven> "But I only baked one pie!"
<Lore> No amount of psychological counseling can change someone's Amishness.
<Samwise> They'll still go out sometimes in their old digs, hit the Amish bars.
<dogmatix> he who has churned has never returned
<Lore> Of course, God still disapproves of Amishness, as the story of Mennon and Gomorrah tells us.
<jacquilyn> Sam: sure, but that's just a slight recidivism, the real problem is the ones you find at Carnivals riding the carousel over and over and over because it's the closes they can get to horses without falling off the wagon.
<Samwise> They're the ones that use a phone... but a candlestick model.
<dogmatix> <Poppa> Son, I found this butter churn hidden behind your bed. What is this? Who taught you this? <Junior> I learned it by watching you, okay??
<Lore> I think that would be "falling onto the wagon."
<Samwise> And unfortunately, there's no such thing as "a little amish"
<CrazyClimber> no dwarves?
<dogmatix> i'm a little amish, short and stout. here is my handle, here is my fucked-up lifestyle.
<jacquilyn> "Come on, Dad, it's not like I raised a fucking barn, all I did was go for a carriage ride in Central Park'
<Samwise> OK, newbies - OK; newbies who riff my shit and are 10 times funnier - bad.
<jacquilyn> Eh, it's okay, dog, we dont' give a fuck if you riff Sam's shit.
<Lore> Don't mind him, Dogmatix.
<DML> "I'm living proof that Amish can change!" Shot of beaming blue-haired woman hacking into a nuclear facility. "Thank you, Rev. Falwell."
<jacquilyn> Just lay off mine.
<Lore> He's just jealous.
<Samwise> Most people here riff my shit and are 10 times funnier. I just don't want anyone else who's good at it.
<tieboy> He likes musical theater, anyway.
<jacquilyn> I like musical theatre, too, there's nothing wrong with that.
<DML> Okay, obviously dogs and riffing inevitably lead to SEX IN THE BACK OF A HYUNDAI
<jacquilyn> And I'm pretty sure the Amish would be opposed to musical theatre.
<Lore> No Hyundai can hold my engorged unit.
<Samwise> jacqui: it'd depend on the sets.
<DML> Not for very long, anyway
<jacquilyn> Apparently "Leth" and "Lore" are homynyms.
<Samwise> Lore, can you fit in a hyundai at all, engorged or not?
<Lore> Joseph and the Amazing Plain Black Dreamcoat
<Lore> Never tried. I can fit in most small cars in a clownlike manner.
<Lore> The Phantom of the Grain Silo
<Samwise> Les Miseramish
<tieboy> Paint My Wagon, Literally
<jacquilyn> A Funny Thing happened on teh Way to the Barn
<Gayo> Wow, Lore is here.
<dogmatix> The fear is here.
<Samwise> The Pirates who Barndance
<jacquilyn> Sunset Wagon Trail
<Gayo> Whoops, I stepped into a riff.
<tieboy> Guys and Cows
<Samwise> Okla - er, Pennsylvania
<jacquilyn> The Wild Barn Raising
<Lore> Jesus Christ, Messiah
<Lore> The Best Little Sotrehouse in Pennsylvania
<tieboy> Little Shop of Buttermilk
<Lore> Okay, that was weak.
<Lore> Okay, that was weaker
<Lore> Cats (It's a documentary)
<Lore> Into The Woods, But Just To Chop Wood
<Samwise> The Muselix Man
<Gayo> All I can think of is "Obscurity".
<Gayo> Heh, that's good, Sam.
<tieboy> Kiss Me Kate, and You'll Be Shunned
<Gayo> How to Succeed In Farming (with years of back-breaking toil)
<Samwise> Seven Brides for One Brother
<Lore> You see, instead of Grease.
<Lore> It's a...thing...where
<jacquilyn> We got that, Lore.
<Samwise> Ah, I was gonna let that one go past me.
<jacquilyn> OR, at least I did.
<Lore> Sweeney Todd, The Humble Farmer of Fleet Street
<DML> But Trod tells you what happens inside... what, exactly?
<Lore> I think I'm done.
<Samwise> Hold on... I gotta squeeze out one more...
<Gayo> Joseph and the Amazing Sensible Black Coat
<Lore> A Choral Line
<tieboy> Annie Eat Your Bun
<dogmatix> instead of cats: Cattle
<DML> They don't have cattle!
<tieboy> Plain and the Beast
<Elkman> The Bridges of Intercourse, Pennsylvania
<dogmatix> Amish on Ice
<Lore> Bring in Da Prayer, Bring in Da Psalms
<Lore> Amish don't have cattle?
<tieboy> sure they do
<Lore> Are they Hindu or something?
<tieboy> where would all the milk and butter come from?
<Samwise> Where else would they get milk?
<Elkman> From the store, of course.
<Lore> DML must be an esctacy-head or seomthing.
<Lore> Except spelled correctly.
<Samwise> Fuck. Someone else come up with one for "Miss Saigon." And make it good.
<dogmatix> that's like saying they don't have funny beards. jesus. without the funny beards, what's the point?!
<DML> Miss Harrisburg
<Samwise> OK, I'll buy it.
<DML> Yup, you got that right, Lore.
<DML> I'm addicted to ecstacy
<Lore> Roof-repairing Person on the Roof
<dogmatix> i'm addicted to the lord.
<Samwise> Better than being addicted to my ex, stacy.
<DML> I'm losing all of my money trying to chase that high
<ristoril> i was gonna, but then you put pressure on me
<DML> It never really occurred to me that the second hit isn't as interesting as the first
<Lore> Same with pop stars.
<ristoril> Amish Pie
<DML> Rehabilitation won't help my addiction. The only thing that will stop me is PRISON
<dogmatix> or a .44
<Samwise> Well then. Off you go.
<ristoril> The Shunning
<Lore> Or 44 prisons.
<Elkman> How do you get one person into 44 prisons simultaneously?
<DML> Anything but rehab. Rehab will just make it WORSE
<dogmatix> use a knife
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