SIR REQUEST PERMISSION TO POOP SIR
<Dodge> I got a couple of airman to participate in it with me, and we're doing a parody of the Air Force Airman's Manual.
<spinn> what, protecting our country? yeah, I'd enjoy that
<Dodge> No, like, I'm taking pictures of them slamming their fingers in desk drawers, treating papercut injuries...that sort of thing.
<TMR> Catching their tie in the paper shredder
<Dodge> The army has a book called "The Good Soldier's Guide", it shows you how to do stuff in any situation from treat a gunshot wound to dig a field latrine. Not to be outdone, the AF has issued us "Airman's Manuals"
<Dodge> With instructions on, I swear, making your bed in a deployed situation.
<tieboy> Digging a Field Latrine: 1) Find Field. 2) Dig.
<spinn> 3) Poop.
<spinn> (note: in hole)
<zompist> 4) insert tent peg
<Dodge> *Note: Poop will hold latrine wher it is.
<tieboy> wait for permission to dig
<tieboy> er, poop
<tieboy> ah fuck
<Elkman> Permission to fuck, sir!
<zompist> wait for permission to fuck? i don't get it
<spinn> WORST. JOKE. EVER.
<daria> is there a spinnwebe award for that?
<TMR> SIR REQUEST PERMISSION TO POOP SIR
<zompist> a rotating one
<tieboy> oh, wait, this is the airforce. 1) request location of field by submitting in triplicate form #334A67P
<spinn> 5) what the hell are you doing in a field? get back to the office
<TMR> 6) Sit down, make horrible realization, wipe.
<Dodge> No, our book doesn't have any cool stuff like that.
<tieboy> they could build an office park on the field
<spinn> 1) plan copier location
<Dodge> Ours has a picture of a guy crouched down like he's under fire, neatly making hospital corners on his bed.
<spinn> maybe they tell you how to field-strip a fax machine
<KemloCaesar> take it out into the field
<Elkman> You never know when you'll have to make a bed under cover of hostile fire.
<Samwise> Dodge: the army manual has a wonderful illustration of a soldier getting shot in the head, with the little caption "should have used low crawl"
<KemloCaesar> remove clothing
<spinn> I could see some possibilities for the parody.
<Dodge> Yeah, I just have to be careful no one says anything about me taking pictures at work.
<spinn> like, building a fire: the right way: guy with a fire, sticks, smoke, etc
<Dodge> The office is not technically a classified area, but still...
<tieboy> be sure to obtain the name, rank and serial number of the enemy soldier who is bayonetting you in the lungs
<spinn> wrong way: guy hangs upside down and naked from a tree with one boot on and waving a spatula
<tieboy> wasn't that TMR6.jpg?
<spinn> no, we figure that'll be 8 or 9
<KemloCaesar> no, TMR6.jpg had both boots.
<Elkman> Yeah, but hanging upside down and naked with one boot on and holding a spatula must be the right way to do something. But what would that be?
<spinn> followed by 10, with the spatula sticking out of his butt
<KemloCaesar> well, ask boi
<Elkman> I meant something normal, not something kinky and perverted.
<zompist> hamburgers with special sauce!
<TMR> Bite me.
<KemloCaesar> zomp - I don't want any of your special sauce, thank you
<zompist> you're in the wrong channel
<tieboy> depends on which end of the spatula, i guess
<Dodge> "I'm sorry sir, are you a registered user of the Air Force Personnel Termination System? If not, you'll have to take these forms and have them approved by chain of command, then resubmit them to our office and wait 7-10 working days for approval. At that time, you may terminate the Air Force Personnel you wish to execute. Thank you."
<Dodge> If you are hostile power wishing to challenge the United States in a military skirmish, please call at our conveniently placed military bases on both coasts or at one of our many branch locations throughout the Pacific, Europe, or Southeast Asia. We now have branch offices in SW Asia for your middle eastern convenience. Thank you.
<jacquilyn> I'm not happy to see you when you'er here, is there a base near me thta I can call?
<Dodge> For our customers in the Toronto area, I recommend contacting Dover AFB.
<jacquilyn> Where's that?
<Leth> the Canadians know where you guys are at all times anyhow
<Elkman> Somebody has to.
<Dodge> For an additional fee, we can set up an in-call appointment at your location. Please supply your own angry, anti-American rhetoric shouting crowds. We can supply pre-gasoline soaked American flags for quick, easy public burning.
<Dodge> CNN loves that.
<jacquilyn> Couldn't I just go throw rocks at eh DEW line?
<jacquilyn> That would get your attention, right?
<Dodge> Not mine, I'm in the weather business.
<jacquilyn> So then I should go throw rocks at Area 51?
<Dodge> But, probably, your own law enforcement community would drag you off. Who the hell would go way up there anyway?
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