"let's see...Cra to Del...Dem to Fli..." HIIIIGHWAAAY TOOOO THE DANGER ZOOOONE


<Dodge> Tie, I was just talking about you
<Dodge> I had breakfast with my boss this morning
<Dodge> We were talking about changes management has made lately, and I said, "It's like "Who Moved My Stripes?" and my boss said, "Heh! You should go to notmydesk.com!"
<spinn> bahaha
<spinn> that's /so/ cool when that happens
<spinn> you tell him?
<Dodge> Yeah
<spinn> was he impressed?
<Dodge> I told the story with more flair up channel
<spinn> I wouldn't have it any other way
<Dodge> He was surprised
<tieboy> whoah, your boss really said that?
<Dodge> Yeah
<tieboy> that's neat. what's his rank?
<Dodge> Tech Sergeant
<tieboy> A tech sgt... in a war, how much killing would he do?
<Dodge> Technically, none, he's in the Air Force
<MisterQ> he kills viruses dead
<spinn> well, let's go to the Projected Kills chart
<Dodge> He said WMMC is recommended reading at the NCO Academy
<tieboy> As your boss, has he ever made you do pushups?
<Dodge> Umm, no, we don't do that sort of thing in the Air Force
<tieboy> no killing, no push-ups... sheesh
<Dodge> We're only in the military because we have to be considered combatants for Geneva Convention purposes
<spinn> does he make you hold your arms out and go "vrooooom" in laps around the office?
<MisterQ> What did the Geneva Convention decide?
<spinn> it decided the air force was where all the wusses go, apparently
<Dodge> The worst thing he's ever made me do is teach First Aid courses on my day off
<tieboy> Does he say things like "I don't like you because you're unsafe. Everytime you go up in the air you're dangerous."
<tieboy> hm. i guess that was navy
<spinn> well, dodge, does your boss do anything except normal office bossy things
<spinn> I think tie's point is he's looking for something military and cool, and so far you're describing the middle manager at adjective noun corp
<MisterQ> he can kill a man using only his thumb!
<Dodge> Nah, he just kinda manages the facility and gets harassed by people higher than him
<Leth^> and can field-crimp a cat-5 in 2 seconds FLAT
<tieboy> still, that's totally rad
<tieboy> tell him I said Hi
<spinn> tie, you should tell him yourself. that'd be cooler
<Dodge> If you mention me telling you on your site, he'll see it
<tieboy> ooh, okay, should I put his name?
<Dodge> Umm, for security reasons, I'm gonna say no
<Lots42> Put in Dodge gets a raise or the site goes away
<spinn> like when I thanked that woman from o'reilly for the shirt
<tieboy> okay, how about his social security number
<spinn> just say a very special tech sergeant is soon gonna find himself a consignment of extra shiny paper clips
<spinn> by the sound of it, an air force sergeant should be thrilled
<Thosw> Of course... those are $500 paper clips
<Dodge> Lord knows we need em, we exhausted our office supply budget for FY 2001 three weeks ago
<sol-D> that shine isn't free, you know
<spinn> you guys don't even have a football team, do you? what is it, badminton? croquet?
<Dodge> We have a football team
<Dodge> They were actually ranked last year
<Dodge> #15 or so
<spinn> do they actually play football, or do they stay in the office and order ergonomic chairs?
<tieboy> Are Air Force wings made of lead?
<Lots42> office supply budget? God in hell
<tieboy> Well, they say war is all button-pushing now... you want it done by some guys with carpal tunnel?
<Dodge> Man, come to think of it it would suck to play football at the academy, you can't go pro, you have to serve as an officer.
<MisterQ> War is all about who can push their button the fastest?
<Thosw> "Shit, if I'd gotten that wrist-brace I ordered on-time, we wouldn't have lost Omaha."
<spinn> "I told them! Gel-filled wrist rests! Gel-filled wrist" whoosh
<tieboy> Do you guys have planes?
<Thosw> Would you have to take mandatory fifteen minute breaks during Defcon1?
<spinn> yeah, do you get planes, or does the geneva convention just mandate donut-shaped butt pillows?
<spinn> I wonder if there are combat-ready bead backrests
<Dodge> Hey, you know, I take this kind of abuse off of soldiers and marines everyday
<spinn> gee. wonder why.
<Dodge> The Navy wouldn't dare
<Dodge> The Village People have seen to that
<spinn> yeah, they wouldn't dare, sitting on ships and not getting into real combat, while the air force valiantly pilots their two-story cinderblock office buildings into the heart of the action
<spinn> dropping mechanical pencils and Dilbert calendars and whatnot on the enemy
<tieboy> Do you get nervous if the RAF gets adjustable armrests?
<tieboy> the RAF... now they do stuff, don't they?
<Dodge> Oooh, mechanical pencils
<Dodge> Did you ever hear about NASA and the mechanical pencils?
<spinn> listen to this guy obfuscate
<tieboy> "Goose has a paper cut!"
<MisterQ> You know a normal bomb like the ones dropped in Nam costs more money and does less damage than if you fill up the same space with pennies and drop them at near supersonic speeds.
<Thosw> The fact that NASA spent big bucks making a pen that writes in zero gravity while Russia just used pencils?
<Dodge> Yeah...guess you'd heard about it
<spinn> "must...bear...pain! no...bandaids!"
<spinn> obviously the russions don't have to write through six copies
<MisterQ> "pulling emergency neosporin ripcord!"
<Thosw> In space, no one can hear you in triplicate.
<Dodge> So, I guess I can contact all of your local recruiters and tell them a hitch in the USAF would be no problem for you.
<spinn> "men, deploy...the electric stapler." "gasp!" "no, sarge! you'll kill us all!"
<spinn> I think tie's already in the usaf, he just hasn't gotten the paperwork
<MisterQ> "Look out! He's got an automatic pencil!"
<Thosw> "Make 5 copies of this memo, Hal." "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. I'm a paper shredder."
* tieboy draws stripes on his shirt sleeve
<tieboy> I drew 16. What rank is that?
<spinn> tie: temp
<Lots42> Presumably, Dodge's colleagues could perform DOS attacks on the enemy countries websites
<tieboy> I almost said "What does that make me?"
<spinn> close one
<spinn> you're all offense right now and you're not thinking defense
<tieboy> Ya know, now that I think about it, "Iron Eagle 3" was mostly about paperwork.
<Lots42> You -watched- it?
<MisterQ> Top Gun 2: Filing in the Danger Zone
<Dodge> 16 Stripes?
<tieboy> they have an exciting flash animation though
<Dodge> That makes you 2x a Chief Master Sergeant
<MisterQ> that would make you a zebra
<spinn> wonder if they get their slick nicknames, like DEMON and NIGHTMARE and stuff, airbrushed onto their filing cabinets
<spinn> "let's see...Cra to Del...Dem to Fli..." HIIIIGHWAAAY TOOOO THE DANGER ZOOOONE
<Thosw> Or Dom Deluise in Cannonball Run II
<Thosw> Naw, they probably just get rubber stamps
<Dodge> Actually, these jokes are the jokes we make about IM and Personnel troops
<MisterQ> "No, don't use the DEMON file cabinet! No one has survived the lock on the second drawer!"
<Lots42> Do jet fighter pilots have ammo budgets?
<Dodge> We used to sing this when we marched...
<tieboy> "We gotta talk, Viper. I need a new glare filter, and you know it."
<spinn> oh god I can't breathe
<Dodge> o/` Heyyyyy Personnel! Coffee Brewing Personnel! Pick up your files and know your role! We are the best, we're Tech Control! o/`
* Dodge starts marching
<MisterQ> "Don't worry BIC, those pens have extra grip control!"
<Dodge> o/` I wanna be a crypto-linguist! Live the life of an Air Force genius! o/`
<Lots42> "Lost rear wheel on seat! Going down hard!"
<Dodge> Yup! Two! H'ree! Four!
<spinn> it's like harvey kornfeld, but in the military
<Thosw> "Eject! Eject! Toner Low!"
<MisterQ> "Swivel is out! Repeat! Swivel is out!"
<tieboy> 0/ I don't know but I've been told, the Tenex® Foldable Basix Chairmat For Low Pile Carpets is really bold! 0/
<Dodge> Yeah, great, "The Night We Mocked Dodge's Career"
<MisterQ> but it's funny!
<Lots42> Well, everyone has to take their turn in the mock pit
<spinn> can you requisition troll dolls in the air force?
<tieboy> I mock my career all the time
<Dodge> It's cool
* MisterQ starts up fighting music from Star Trek for the people squaring off in the mock pit
<Dodge> I'm so close to my promotion date, I'm used to getting hassled
<MisterQ> spinn, what do you think hangs from the cockpit hud?
<Thosw> "Sergeant? OfficeMax doesn't carry our brand of prop wash. Should I call Office Depot?"
<spinn> man, I would love to post this on my site, but I'd get killed.
<spinn> I'd wake up with broken pencils and bent paperclips in my bed
<Dodge> I'm bringing my uniform to the GTG
<spinn> if you can get the toner stains off it in time
<Dodge> My promotion becomes effective during that time, I WILL celebrate
<MisterQ> Be careful they don't bring out their secret weapon: rubber bands!
<spinn> well maybe that's the point. the rubber band is the basis of all propellers
<spinn> I suppose it's honorable that they're maintaining their history
<MisterQ> like the wright brothers flying across the atlantic in their rubber band powered airplane
<spinn> yeah!
<Thosw> Dress White-Outs?
<spinn> so it's...it's a /good/ thing, right sergeant? >snif<
<Dodge> o/` Minds of men, fashioned a crate of thunder, set it high, into the blue! Souls of men, dashing the skies athunder! How they lived, God only knew! o/`
<spinn> yeah, that makes sense. the army guys go off with their guns and grenades and stuff, and the air force guys are back at the office stacking crates
<spinn> hell, somebody has to get that hendersen account out on time, and it's not collating itself
<Thosw> ... grumbling "I'll show them.... I'll tear all their carbon paper in half."
<MisterQ> The next thing for our armed forces: Assault scooters
<Dodge> o/` High we climb, into the wild sky yonder, keep the wing level and true! If you'll live, to be an old grey wonder, keep the nose out of the blue! Fighting men, guarding the nation's borders, we'll be there, followed by more! In echelon, we carry on, nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force! o/`
<spinn> well if we ever have a mission where we need to slip in under cover of darkness and jam saddam hussein's copier, we'll know who to call
<spinn> man, he's going nuts
<MisterQ> And Big Wheel interceptors
<spinn> he's singing by rote now
<sol-D> why would age make a difference in them keeping their noses out of the blue?
<spinn> I kinda picture him in a corner singing offkey to himself
<spinn> fingernails ragged and bleeding
<Dodge> Don't make me sing the toast
<zompist> is dodge having another baby?
<Thosw> Can you hum the oatmeal?
<spinn> well, "nose out of the blue" means "stay inside, you haven't filled out this week's requisition forms yet"
<MisterQ> blue means blue ink pens
<spinn> oh, yeah, right
<MisterQ> out of the blue, means they're out of pens
<spinn> the song's from the early 1900's. it means, don't fall asleep and drop your head into the inkwell at your desk
<Dodge> o/' Here's a toast to the host of those who love the vastness of the sky/To a friend we send a message of his brother men who fly!/We drink to those who gave their all of old/And dive below to score the rainbow's pot of gold/A toast to the host of the men we boast/The U.S. Air Force! o/`
<MisterQ> those quill pens were a bitch when you fell asleep on them
<zompist> those inkwells are expensive, dammit
<Lots42> and full of ink
<zompist> $90.00 each, in 1910 money
<spinn> zomp: we've learned today that the only difference between dodge's boss and a middle manager at a soul-crushing conglomerate is
<spinn> um, tie, what was that difference again?
<spinn> oh, yeah. the middle manager is more likely to have a gun
<Dodge> Bwah ahahahahha
<Dodge> Now that WAS funny

Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!