The Story So Far : Rock and Troll (Episodes 60-65, 4/5/01)

SWHC

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



* zompist is ready
<Pontiac> Right, let's ROCK!
<zompist> morwen, you can play another charcter if you like

<zompist> we have plenty of zombies

<Fernbar> *** Morwen is now known as Rocky_II
<MorwenRocks> ar ar ar
<CapAlert> * Fernbar is lucky there's a moratorium on /kicks during D&D
<Fernbar> kicks, schmicks
<MorwenRocks> ANOTHER character? Hell no! Just carry my pieces along, someone will be able to fix me SOME day!
<zompist> blackdeath, are you here?

<zompist> oh bla-a-a-ckie

<MorwenRocks> What about that rock shape thing?
* Pontiac gathers Morwen's remains in one of his many pouches and carries her along.
<zompist> no, i mean, you can run one of the PC's that aren't here.

<Fernbar> for example, there's a 486 in my office ...
<BlackDeath> I'm here, are we starting?
<zompist> yeah

<MorwenRocks> Thank you.
<Fernbar> morwen, I need 1.2 levels before it can happen
<Surley> Oh yea, Blackdeath, did you find elfstar?
<MorwenRocks> Oh..who would that be? Can I run Kyol? :evil laugh:
<zompist> i do want to know if morwen wants to run another pc

<CapAlert> and proper motivation
<Fernbar> and then it will be longer before I get stone to flesh
<zompist> sure, if he's not playing himself

<BlackDeath> I assume we're starting with my return to the group?
<CapAlert> d'oh
<zompist> black: yeah, that's why we need you. :)

<MorwenRocks> He probably IS playing with himself, but thats beside the point isn't it?
<CapAlert> jeez zomp, did you do that on purpose
<CapAlert> ?
<zompist> scene setting: you're walking along the river road

<MorwenRocks> He's playing Black and White. What was he again?
<zompist> no, i didn't put in that masturbation ref

<CapAlert> for having B&W? He's an asshole
<zompist> he's a halfling thief

<zompist> with a sword sword

<MorwenRocks> Well that IS how he got B&W. heh apropo
* CapAlert decides clarification would be a BAD idea
* BlackDeath returns to the group, perching on CapAlert's hat.
<MorwenRocks> I can do halfling theif...at least for as long as it takes to get him killed or turned to stone. :grin:
<zompist> there you go. action!

* Pontiac appears from a clearing in the forest next to the river road and introduces himself.
<Fernbar> if you're going to get someone turned to stone, there's always the bard
* BlackDeath coughs. "I'm back, guys."
* CapAlert seconds that
*** MorwenRocks is now known as Kyol-HT
<Fernbar> hey bd!
<Surley> Hey BlackDeath birdie.
<zompist> blackdeath, you might want to swoop around in front of their eyes

* Kyol-HT waves cheerfully to everyone.
<Surley> "Did you find Elfstar?"
<zompist> this group's attention is hard to get

<CapAlert> whuh?
* Andrea blinks
<CapAlert> oh, hey, Bird on my hat
* Fernbar whistles
* Kyol-HT stares hard at DM
<Pontiac> "Black Death!"
<BlackDeath> "I think I found Elfstar, guys."
<Surley> and when you do get our attention, we generally attack without mercy
<Fernbar> do tell!
<zompist> heh. dogpile on the bird!

* CapAlert attacks Surley
<CapAlert> oh wait
<CapAlert> my bad
<BlackDeath> "I scouted under the bridge at Chuza and I called out to her and got a muffled response back."
<CapAlert> She's wearing a muffler? That inhuman BASTARD!
<Surley> "Yay, muffled response.. how far is this bridge? I thinks we should go there."
<BlackDeath> "But she's being held, or at least guard, by something big, bad and green."
<Pontiac> "I second Surley's idea."
<CapAlert> should we bury Flippy?
<CapAlert> I'm joking
<Surley> "I don't know, can we feed his corpse to the big bad green thing?
<Andrea> "Can I draw flippy while he's still pose-able?
<CapAlert> let's go get Elfstar
* Kyol-HT stares evilly at Pontiacs pocket.
<spinn> good god, there are all these people!
<Kyol-HT> "Yeah, lets go!"
<Fernbar> vroom
<Surley> "We're off!"
* Kyol-HT hops up and down on one foot.
* Pontiac keeps a hand on his trusty double-edged sword.
<zompist> ok, you're off.

<BlackDeath> "There seems to be a tradition of sacrificing a chick- Ah, fuck it, let's go."
<zompist> you boldly walk! and keep walking!

<Fernbar> "...to free the half elf"
<zompist> except for xengar who's on a horse

<CapAlert> and Flippy, who's dead
<Fernbar> where no man has, oops
<Andrea> I'm still sititng
* Andrea staggers to her feet
<Pontiac> "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt...that's my name too...What, no singing?"
<Surley> and Morwen, who's pebbles
<zompist> after a hell of a long walk, you come to chuza

<Fernbar> 99 bottles of mead on the wall
<Surley> mmm... mead
<Fernbar> I chuza to rest
* BlackDeath mutters to herself. "..can't believe....four years of scouting training...'hey, let's just charge into danger!'" *muttter, mutter*
<zompist> it's a little shit town whose houses between them have barely as many stones as morwen

<Kyol-HT> Pebbles? I thought I was Kyol.
<Surley> Yea, let's find more info about the big bad green thing...
<Fernbar> :D
<Fernbar> recon!
<Surley> "First, do they have any supplies!"
<BlackDeath> "She's among the pylons under the bridge..."
<Pontiac> "This place could be a happenin' place with a few casinos, a shopping mall here and there, and shit."
<zompist> morwen the rockpile. you're now kyol, kyol-ht. :)

<Kyol-HT> Was that a small breast reference zomp?
*** CapAlert is now known as Albacore
<Albacore> is the bridge evil?
*** Albacore is now known as CapAlert
* Kyol-HT tries to steal the bridge.
<zompist> you're in town, the bridge is down the road a piece.

<zompist> wanna go there?

<Surley> "Perhaps we can find a scroll of turn pebbles into sexy rock golem?"
<CapAlert> we probably should
<Kyol-HT> I guess so.... heh
<Surley> anything in the town store?
* Pontiac breaks into the town store.
<Andrea> I need some more pencils. and bacon
<CapAlert> Pontiac?
<BlackDeath> "It's a boring shithole of a town.
* Kyol-HT takes a time out to climb out of the hot tub. Just imagine a little halfling theif who was stupid enough to pass up shops to go try to steal a bridge and I'll be right back.
<Fernbar> and toll tokens for crossing the bridge
<CapAlert> is he with us?
<zompist> did you use all the pencils you bought last time??

<zompist> jeez!

<zompist> AND all that bacon?

<Pontiac> "I'm with you."
<CapAlert> ok
<CapAlert> I missed that
<Andrea> The pencils broke when I used them to stab the bacon!
<zompist> heh. pontiac slipped in back on the road.

<Pontiac> "Now I'm gonna have a liquidation sale of this store, and you can have whatever stuff you can carry!"
<Fernbar> Andrea: try #3 lead next time
<Andrea> it's too hard for my tastes. I like noce soft #1's
<zompist> pontiac, you're a level 1 thief, you may fuck up your robbery.

<Surley> use a sub-automatic pencil?
<spinn> that double-edged sword might get in the way
<Pontiac> "Why do you laugh at my mighty sword?"
<Andrea> mmm... sub
<Surley> A weapon of elven graphite +2
<CapAlert> or prove to cause some kind of ironic situation
<zompist> anyway, it's not like there's a wal-mart here.

<Pontiac> "Okaaaay, nothing worth stealing in here. Let's move on."
* BlackDeath flies down to the bridge to see if anything's changed since her scouting.
*** Samwise is now known as Xengar
<zompist> heya, sam! you're just in time to be xengar.

<Fernbar> does that mean the green creature under the bridge *isn't* ben schumin?
<Surley> No 'Ye-Olde Playstation Shoppe'?
<BlackDeath> moved too fast to be a schumin.
<CapAlert> +6 to Overwhelm With Details
<Pontiac> "If he rambled on and on, Fernbar, yes it was him.
* Andrea heads bridge-wise
<zompist> KA-BOOM!

<Surley> Who had a hand grenade I didn't have a hand grenade?
<zompist> don't worry, no deaths.

<BlackDeath> "Um, who farted?"
<Xengar> Whoa.
<zompist> it's just thunder

<zompist> followed by a rather obnoxiously wet rain

* Andrea shoves her notebook under her shirt and shields her spectacles with her hands
<Pontiac> "Rain can be something other than obnoxiously wet?"
* BlackDeath grumbles and huddles underneath the timbers of the bridge.
<zompist> it can be delightfully wet if you're sweaty and skanky

<BlackDeath> On the *top* of the bridge.
<zompist> and naked

* Fernbar doesn't mind the rain
<Kyol-HT> Hey, did I find anything at the bridge?
<zompist> ok, guess you're heading for the bridge

<Fernbar> we are
<CapAlert> yeah
* Xengar heads for the bridge
<Kyol-HT> I already went there!
* BlackDeath is at the bridge, looking for her marks.
<Kyol-HT> :stomps up and down in a cute little halfling fit:
<Surley> Okay, did BlackDeath ever make it back from the recon?
* Pontiac arrives at the bridge.
<zompist> it's a very long bridge, since the river is very wide at this point... probably requires magic to hold it up.

<Xengar> How sturdy does it look?
* Andrea takes cover against the bridge
<Andrea> WHere is the monster?
<zompist> still, it's anchored to the shore with some bitchen massive stone pylons.

<Kyol-HT> :is jumping on it, so I hope strong:
* CapAlert takes cover against Andrea
<Fernbar> which side were the noises coming from?
<Andrea> *rrowr*
<zompist> (ask blackdeath!)

<BlackDeath> "The monster's hiding among the stone pylons underneath."
<zompist> surley, have you been awake? :)

<Surley> Yea
<Fernbar> spread out and advance
<zompist> b.d. was back 15 minutes ago

<Andrea> "Do you think it appreciates art?"
* BlackDeath points out some marks along the side. "I marked the approximate location there."
<BlackDeath> "Anyone got a chicken?"
<Surley> Do we have anyone that can backstab?
<Pontiac> "I can go steal one, Black Death."
<Kyol-HT> You mean my jumping ON the bridge has NO effect?
<BlackDeath> "Thanks, Pontiac."
<Xengar> Does whatshisbuttonavon count?
<zompist> kyol: no, no effect

* Pontiac trudges off to steal a chicken.
<Fernbar> thieves can
<zompist> it's a well-made button.

<Surley> "Or is it one of those intelligent misunderstood monsters?"
<Kyol-HT> :looks over the side:
<zompist> pontiac, you find no chickens in the vicinity

<BlackDeath> "The locals throw it a chicken for safe passage - maybe we can lure it out the same way."
<Xengar> Oh, nice knowing you.
<BlackDeath> "Or we can throw Kyol."
* Pontiac returns, grumbling that there are no chickens in the vicinity.
<CapAlert> well, the bard is kinda cowardly. Does that count?
<Fernbar> do orcs taste anything like ...
<zompist> well-made button? wtf was that? well-made BRIDGE

<Kyol-HT> :hears that and attempts to run to the other side of the bridge:
<Pontiac> "We still have Flippy's body right there to throw."
<Surley> "BlackDeath, you kinda resemble a chic..er.. nevermind"
<zompist> heh

<Kyol-HT> Do I make it?
<Surley> "Yea, let's toss Flippy to the monster"
<Xengar> (anyone got any white paint?)
* zompist rolls a die
<zompist> i like the sound of that. a die. DIE DIE DIE

* Andrea passes the white paint to xengar
<zompist> kyol-ht, you make it to the other side without incident

<BlackDeath> Huh, does anyone here even have a missle weapon?
<Pontiac> "Don't drink the white paint!"
<Surley> Someone has Magic Missle
<Xengar> Allright. If we need to, we can make BlackDeth look pretty chicken-y.
<Kyol-HT> :sticks his tongue out at the others on the other side of the bridge: Nyah nyah!
<Surley> But not a Magic Missle Launcher
<Xengar> Can I see anything green under there?
<BlackDeath> because there's a fat chance you're getting up here to catch me and paint me without one.
<zompist> xengar: by doing what?

<Fernbar> xengar's got missile weapons (short range)
<Surley> I was thinking +2 ICBM
<Kyol-HT> BTW, what IS everyone else doing anyhow? I lost the jist of things here. heh
* CapAlert picks up some rocks from the side of the road and tosses them down
<BlackDeath> while they look over the one side, I'll fly in from the other underneath, keeping out of pylon range.
<zompist> standing around, i assume

<Xengar> I'm peering below the marks
<Andrea> Ok, I'm doing something
<Surley> I think we're standing around, trying to figure out how to deal with the monster
<Fernbar> we're trying to find the monster
<BlackDeath> maybe i'll flush him out a little.
* Andrea tosses drawings towards the monster's approximate position
<zompist> it's pretty dark underneath the pylons. you might be eaten by a grue

<Kyol-HT> Do I see anything on this side of the bridge?
<Xengar> Dang. And of course, it's raining.
<Fernbar> no way zomp, the grue's too depressed
<Pontiac> "Lure him far enough away from the bridge, so we can cross a few at at time."
* BlackDeath brings her lantern with.
<Xengar> (nice touch)
<Surley> Yea, we're all in the rain
<CapAlert> naaaaaked in the rain
<zompist> are you all on the bridge?

<BlackDeath> It's small and won't reach far, but I should be able to distinguish the pylons and my distance from them.
* CapAlert segues into Under The Bridge
<Kyol-HT> I'm off the bridge on the other side!
<Andrea> I'm against it
* Fernbar is on the bridge
<Xengar> no, I'm kinda standing at the edge of it, debating whether I'm a coward or not.
<zompist> black: you fly under, but don't manage to see anything

<Surley> "Anyone want to go and try to parley with the monster.. if it comes out swinging, we'll attack it?"
<zompist> ok, andrea is anti-bridge

* CapAlert peers down with his infravision
<Fernbar> luddite
<Kyol-HT> I'm trying to see what I can see under the bridge from the far side...anything?
* BlackDeath reports back to the team. "I don't see anything."
<Xengar> Heck. I'll mount up and take a run at & across the bridge.
<zompist> kyol: no

<Pontiac> "Andrea can cobble together a raft and row across the river if she's against the bridge!"
<Fernbar> :D
<Kyol-HT> "C'MON YOU GUYS! WHAT'RE YOU WAITING FOR?"
<Andrea> "Hey! WHy don't YOU cobble one together? Oh, hm, wait."
<Fernbar> If Pontiac were a Ford instead, we could wade across
<BlackDeath> hovering to the side and just below the bridge, I holler "ELFSTAR?!"
<zompist> you hear some rumbling noises from under the bridge

* Andrea gets put her pencils
<CapAlert> no sign of infravision-y stuff, zomp?
<Surley> "Andrea, you have the highest charisma..er.. most likable disposition. Go try to talk to the monster? If it attacks, we'll defend ya."
<zompist> fernbar feels something catch hold of his foot

<Fernbar> hey!
* Andrea screams
* Fernbar strikes
<zompist> a moment later, fernbar feels the bracing coolness of the river

* Kyol-HT jumps up and down excitedly.
<Fernbar> and swims
* Pontiac shoves Andrea. "Get goin'! Talk to the monster!"
<Xengar> Nooooooo!
<CapAlert> Freshly Splashed Ranger
<Surley> "Something dragged Fenbar over the edge into the river!"
<Pontiac> "HEY! The monster's distracted!! QUICK, EVERYBODY RUN!!"
<zompist> the rest of you saw a big green arm catch hold of his foot and pull him off the bridge.

* CapAlert sets his mace to Puree
<Andrea> "Hey, Hi! I'm Andrea! WHoa re you? Please don't eat me"
<Kyol-HT> "A TROLL! A TROLL!!"
* Fernbar sets his club to vorpal
<BlackDeath> Is fernbar still being held?
* Xengar looks to see how far fernbar is from the shore
<Andrea> is the monster listening?
<zompist> fernbar is chugging up the river surface like a speedboat

<CapAlert> how high is the bridge again?
*** Kyol-HT is now known as MorwenRocks
* Andrea goes down further
<zompist> if you knew what a speedboat was

<MorwenRocks> :chink chink:
*** MorwenRocks is now known as Kyol-HT
* Andrea tosses some bacon under the bridge
<BlackDeath> "Someone hand me a rope and I'll drop it to him."
*** SIGNOFF: Gayo!~foon@pix142166200238.nbtel.net (Leaving)
<BlackDeath> drop the end to him, that is.
<Xengar> Damn! I toss my rope up to blackdeath
<Fernbar> where's the monster?
* CapAlert blesses te rope
* BlackDeath catches the rope end and heads toward fernbar, coming in from the far side to avoid the monster.
<BlackDeath> "Fernbar! Catch!"
* Kyol-HT tries to see if there is a way to climb down under the bridge from this end...the side OPPOSITE the green arm.
* Fernbar attempts to grab the rope
* BlackDeath drops the rope end on Fernbar's head.
<zompist> fern feels way too much of his leg being gouged away by something claw-ey

<Fernbar> It's got me!
* Fernbar clubs
<zompist> -4 hp

<BlackDeath> "Where is it, Fernbar?"
<Fernbar> my leg!
<Andrea> "Hello Mr. Monster sir. I think you dropped this.." *picks up a skull from the rubble*
<Kyol-HT> Can I climb under the bridge from this side without being noticed?
* CapAlert grabs his mace, and jumps in after Fern
<Fernbar> get in here and help, people
<BlackDeath> I'm assuming we can't see it, even under the water?
* Andrea hurls the skull at the hand
<zompist> fernbar can't hit the monster with his club

<CapAlert> BANZAI
<Surley> "Andrea, I think it's safe to throw the skull at the monster!"
<zompist> kyol: yeah, but you're way far away, it's a very long bridge

<Andrea> "Surley, I DID!"
* BlackDeath lands on fernbar and starts slashing at the monster's grip.
<Pontiac> "Somebody gather some big rocks to throw at the monster!"
* Xengar runs to fernbar and tries to pull him up
<Surley> "Who has magic missle.. that thing can't miss!"
<Kyol-HT> Okay, so I climb down and look around for anything that might tell us something.
<Fernbar> Elkman the absent
<zompist> black: you can't get a good look at it, but you can now see the water churning around behind fernbar

* CapAlert tries to swim to fernbar
* Andrea gets out her exacto and dives into the wake
* Fernbar tells Kyol-HT we're under attack
<Xengar> Never let go, Rose!
* Pontiac dashes onto the bridge and attempts to help out.
<Surley> Do I have rope?
<zompist> somebody has rope

<CapAlert> how far away is Fern now?
<Kyol-HT> Can halflings swim?
<CapAlert> am I near?
<BlackDeath> I keep an eye on the churn while helping fernbar tie the rope on.
* Surley grabs rope and runs along the bank, trying to toss it to Fernbar
<zompist> you guys bought some in pelym

<Fernbar> damn straight
<Xengar> Blackdeath has the other end of this *holdsuprope*
<Andrea> Oh, the monster lives in the dark, right?
* Andrea fishes out her doodad
<zompist> surely has the rope now

<BlackDeath> I figure once he has the rope on, we can keep him above water.
* Pontiac has his sword drawn, just in case...
<Xengar> Someone, give me a hand... as soon as the rope's secure, help me pull him up!
<zompist> but fernbar managed to grab onto the other end

<CapAlert> If he's getting the rope on, I'll swim toward the nearest shore
<BlackDeath> is he secured yet?
<Andrea> am I doing anything effectual at all?
* Kyol-HT pulls a rope out of his pack and throws the whole looped up thing towards the people at the other end of the bridge, and watches sadly as it lands in the water not even half way there.
* Surley grabs his magic torch and tries to illuminate the monster in the river!
<zompist> who's pulling the rope now? surley and xengar?

<Surley> yes
<zompist> ok, you pull, and get fernbar away from the monster

<zompist> however

<Kyol-HT> The currents pulling mine.
<zompist> you find that he's missing one (1) leg

<Xengar> I hope his leg came with him
<Xengar> Damn!
<Surley> "Oh my goodness! Your leg is gone!"
* Kyol-HT climbs back up onto the bridge and starts to head back toward everyone else.
<CapAlert> *** Fernbar is now known as Eileen
<Pontiac> "This is not acceptable losses."
<Andrea> I see it!
<Xengar> I put fernbar on my horse and smack it on the ass
* BlackDeath digs out some straps to tourniquet Gimpy.
* Fernbar is nonetheless feeling hopful
* CapAlert runs back up the shore to cure fern
<Xengar> Or, if he's not game, i'll just smack my horse on the ass.
<Fernbar> zomp: any handicapped parking spots on the bridge?
* Surley tries to use the magic flashligh..er.. lantern to illuminate the monster
<Kyol-HT> Do I make it back to the others?
<Andrea> "I saw the monster! thanks surley!"
<zompist> the medical attention and the cure spell arrest fernbar's downward decline

<Surley> "No, I mean, trolls hate light, right?"
* Andrea uses her doodad, too.
<zompist> but neither can restore his leg.

<BlackDeath> "We need to take that thing out if we're going to rescue Elfstar!"
<Pontiac> "It's a long bridge, Kyol. You're still running towards us."
<Andrea> It might not be a troll
<Kyol-HT> Actually I was walking this time. heh
<Surley> Hmm.. you're right
<zompist> ok, with the doodads working, you see into the shadows underneath the pylons

<Pontiac> "I TOLD you we should've thrown Flippy to the monster."
* Xengar gets ready to poke his sword at anything green
<zompist> you get a good glimpse of a huge mottled, thin, pimpled green form

* Surley gets ready to attack
* Andrea puts her exacto in her teeth and treads water
<zompist> strangely adorned with richard-simmons-like black hair

<Andrea> Oh, poor thing...
* Kyol-HT sees whats going on and pulls his sword :WHAT! WHAT IS IT!!
<Xengar> No wonder he lives under a bridge.
<Andrea> "it's hungry"
<Pontiac> "If it beckons us to 'tighten those buns', let's murder it!"
<zompist> kyol reaches you, finally

<CapAlert> It already has a leg up on us!
<Surley> "let's murder it anyway! Kill the Richard Simmons!"
<zompist> it's chewing on fern's leg

<CapAlert> GIT HIM!
* Fernbar tries to /kick CapAlert, falls way short
<Xengar> GHAA! No eat my friend!
* Andrea comes closer, with her remaining bacon
<Kyol-HT> ITS A THIGH MASTER! :shrieks and feints:
<Pontiac> "Um, hi, can Fernbar have his leg back please? He really needs it bad.
<Andrea> does it like bacon?
<zompist> so, are you attacking, or what?

* Xengar attacks
<CapAlert> yeah, throw flippy at him and attack!
* Fernbar would like to, but is in no shape to
*** Elkman (tam@tam.dsl.visi.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<zompist> say, good timing, you guys need a magic missile user

* Surley attacks with pickaxe and dire flail!
* Pontiac throws the dead Flippy at the...whatever the creature is.
<Fernbar> elk, cast the mm
<Elkman> Fuck. I didn't realize we were playing tonight.
<Elkman> I'll cast a magic missile at whoever.
<Fernbar> whatever
<zompist> the monster is not the brightest of god's creations; it runs roaring toward surley

* Kyol-HT dances around flailing his sword and not accomplishing much.
<Xengar> Well, hurry up and suit up, pickles.
<CapAlert> cast it at the guy chewing on Fernbar's leg
<Surley> Elk, big troll, under bridge just ripped Fernbar's leg off!
<Pontiac> "It's a Schuminster!"
<Surley> Gah!
<Andrea> "Nooo!"
<zompist> surley gets in a smashing hit with his dire flail!

<CapAlert> anyone have any real torches?
<CapAlert> or somthing that burns?
* Kyol-HT attempts to take a stab at it.
<CapAlert> (meanwhile I swing my mace)
<Andrea> like a rash?
* Pontiac attacks it with his double-edged sword.
<Xengar> Cap: I got a nasty rash that burns pretty bad...
* Andrea dives at it with her exacto
* Fernbar attacs it with his athlete's foot
* Surley tries to avoid the counterattack and pierce it's skull cavity with his pickaxe
<zompist> kyol manages a deep cut into the abdomen!

<zompist> (not his, fortunately. the monster's)

* Kyol-HT surprised..jumps back and cheers himself!
* BlackDeath drops rocks on its head.
<zompist> however, the monster manages to get a good bite (4 hp) out of kyol

* Xengar tries to get between the monster and the nearest edge of the bridge
* Pontiac hacks away at the monster with his sword.
<Fernbar> "Hey troll, you've tasted de leg, now taste defeat!"
<Elkman> Um, I'll cast another magic missile at the monster. I've got two of 'em.
<Kyol-HT> :right before passing out at the site of his own blood:
<CapAlert> OWOWOWOW
<CapAlert> **Fernbar gets in a critical pun hit
<zompist> elk's missile hits the monster too. wow! fireworks!

<spinn> it damn well better hit the monster
<zompist> no one else manages to hit.

<spinn> that's a magic missile there
<zompist> you hear a distant ring, rather as if a new mêlée round were beginning

* Kyol-HT lays on the ground feeling rather green himself.
* Surley tries to bash in the monster's face with his weapons
* CapAlert sets the mace to TryNotToMiss
* Pontiac goes for the heart with a sword attack.
*** Elkman is now known as Ntilde
* Kyol-HT gamely tries to stand up and swings weakly at the monster.
* Xengar realizes he's not going to take this thing down in a toe-to-toe, and concentrates on cutting off any easy escape for the monster
* Andrea tries hacking off the curious hair. Maybe it is the source of it's.. uh..strength!
<zompist> the monster claws about 5 hp out of capalert

<CapAlert> Someone should light a torch or something
<CapAlert> ow
<CapAlert> hey
* BlackDeath dives at the monster and swipes at it with her blades.
<Surley> Andrea has the torch
<Andrea> it's in my teeth
* Andrea smiles
<Xengar> And Piggy has the conch.
<zompist> they're not torches, they're doodads

<Surley> yea
<zompist> mechanical, remember?

<CapAlert> something that burns, is the key
<Surley> Andrea has the doodad of light
<Ntilde> Wasn't that an electric torch, anyway? Like a flashlight?
<CapAlert> fire! FIRE!
<Surley> They call them torches in Eng-Land
<zompist> surley's flail does some minor damage

<Surley> what about my pickaxe?
* Fernbar lights a fire
* Pontiac attempts to stab the monster between the eyes with a sword attack.
<Andrea> did I suceed in removing hair?
<Pontiac> "Come on, ya fucker, COME ON!!"
<zompist> kyol, though not feeling completely chipper, manages to hit for some miniscule damage

<zompist> oops! albacore, who's hardly even here, is bitten!

<Surley> Did he detect if the monster is Evil?
<CapAlert> I think the sudden ambush/leg eating thing would tell that
<Pontiac> Yeah, I'd say he's quite evil.
<BlackDeath> or hungry.
<Andrea> He might just be having a bad day
<zompist> albacore's evil detection power considers only moments before ringing off the "quite evil really" end of the chart

* Kyol-HT stays low and stabs upward at the creatures nether regions.
<zompist> pontiac, rather to his own surprise, manages to stab the monster!

* Surley tries to thwack the creature in the leg awith both weapons and make it fall down and go boom.
<zompist> the monster flails about in anger, and one of his claws hits blackdeath

<zompist> -4 hp

* CapAlert decides he's had enough, and runs over to help Fernbar with the fire
<Pontiac> "Wow, I stabbed it!"
<Ntilde> Don't I have a little dagger or some ineffectual weapon? Or just the spells?
<zompist> elk, i only noticed one missile attack, so so far as i'm concerned you have another

* Andrea goes after it again with her exacto
<Xengar> ntilde: harsh language.
<zompist> andrea's xacto scores a miserable hp of damage!

<Andrea> Hot damn!
<Surley> Now draw something with his blood, andrea!
* BlackDeath spirals down to land on the bridge railing, out of the way.
* Andrea sits down right in the middle of the fight and draws a commemorative battle scene with bloo..er.. yeah!
<Ntilde> Really? OK, I'll launch another magic missile attack, and swear up a storm.
<zompist> capalert manages to sever an entire arm of the creature!

<Kyol-HT> No, no storm, its already raining!
<zompist> oh, right, who was trying to light a fire? it's raining, you are not succeeding

<Kyol-HT> Hey good shot! Lets eat it and see how HE likes it!
* Surley goes for the other arm in full bezerken anger
<Xengar> With a mace? Ewwwwwww, that's gotta be cool.
<Surley> SQUASH--WHOOP
* CapAlert wubs his widdle mace
<zompist> kyol gets a little too close to the severed arm, when it rises up and claws him (-4 hp)

* Ntilde charges CapAlert three points for vulgar self-touch
<Xengar> Vile!
<Surley> "Burn it! Burn the arm!"
* Kyol-HT shrieks bloody murder and runs away.
* Andrea stabs at the arm
<zompist> elk's second magic missile does some more sparkly damage

<BlackDeath> while the monster is out from the gbridge fighting, I limp back underneath to where I found elfstar.
* Pontiac prepares for another sword attack, this time aiming to sever a leg.
<Andrea> elfstar?
* Xengar tries to kick the arm off the bridge
<Andrea> Oh, right
* Surley jumps back and grabbs many of the cheapo swords he had in his pack and tosses them like daggers at the monster
<zompist> black: ok... you find the elf tied under the bridge. she's too tightly tied for you to undo her, however

<BlackDeath> I have knives.
<Kyol-HT> Er btw, how many hit points did I have when we started?
<Surley> BlackDeath, you have talons
<Andrea> 9?
<zompist> kyol: had 9; down to 1

<zompist> who's still attacking?

<Surley> me
<BlackDeath> I have talon knives. :)
<Ntilde> Nah, I don't have anything to attack with.
<Andrea> eh, might as well
<spinn> knifey talons?
<zompist> ok, black, but i still think you need some help

* Andrea stops going after the arm
* Pontiac attacks with his sword, aiming to cut off the monster's legs.
* Kyol-HT backs up to a safer spot, looks down at himself, and really passes out at the sight of all that blood.
<Andrea> should i untie or attack?
<Xengar> I'm going to kick the arm off.
* CapAlert goes after the critter
<Surley> Andrea, untie
<zompist> andrea, you can crawl over and help blackdeath

* Andrea hels blackdeath untie
<Pontiac> "It's just a flesh wound, Kyol! You pansy!"
<Andrea> *glug glug*
* BlackDeath works at the bonds with Andrea.
<CapAlert> oh, how nice. They're bonding
* Andrea uses her exacto to work at the knot
* Kyol-HT opens one eye. "I'm NOT A pansy, I just have a delicate constitution!"
<Andrea> and hten I'm goign to use it on capalert
<Ntilde> I'll help untie, as well.
<Pontiac> "Cap! I'll hold the monster down while you beat him up!"
<zompist> you watch in fascination as a couple of the monster's wounds close up like they had zippers

<Surley> "Aw hell!"
<CapAlert> Somoene keep trying to get a fire going
<zompist> pontiac manages to open it a few new ones, however

<Andrea> not my wounds though, right? those are still bleeding?
<zompist> andrea, i don't think you were ever hit.

<Kyol-HT> I'll do it! :starts trying to get the fire lit:
<BlackDeath> "Keep it busy, guys, we almost have her!"
* CapAlert pokes the zombie Mrs Steve
<Fernbar> have I lit anything yet???
<Surley> "Black Death, use the acid. Try to drop it on him and melt the creature's head!"
<CapAlert> Hey, "Affect Normal Fires". Try and get em to light
<zompist> nope. damn rain!

* Andrea rips at the bonds
* Andrea curses at the god damned bonds
<Andrea> think they'd mind being drawn?
* BlackDeath digs the acid out of her pouch and flies over the monster, aiming for its face.
<CapAlert> oh
<CapAlert> right
<CapAlert> the acid
<zompist> capalert hits the monster on the head; little birdies and bells appera

<zompist> appear

<Fernbar> not the brown acid!
* CapAlert pictures zomp saying to himself "Bout time they remembered the acid"
* Surley tries to decapitate the monster, or at least distract it!
<Andrea> is elfstar untied yet?
* Xengar continues to chase teh elusive arm
<zompist> capalert hits it on the head in another sense

* BlackDeath circles, watching the battle. "Kill it and we'll dissolve the bits in acid!"
* Pontiac assists Surley in decapitation efforts...
<zompist> xengar manages to find the arm, which claws him grievously

* CapAlert helpfully points out the severed arm to Black
<Kyol-HT> Hey! Maybe we can pick up the arm and attack the monster with his own claws!
* BlackDeath dumps some on the severed arm, concentraing on the wound site.
<spinn> like trying to weild a rotweiler
<Surley> "You want to try to pick that thing up?"
<zompist> the monster doesn't look very happy.

<Fernbar> it's not a subordinate claws
<Lots42> Stab it in the head!
<zompist> abruptly, however, it looks about 3 points happier.

<spinn> baha
<Xengar> I've been (ow) trying to kick it off the bridge
<Kyol-HT> well not me...i'm just a little guy...
<CapAlert> dammit ken
<zompist> ok, b.d. drops some of the acid on the severed arm, which settles down for good

* Surley continues in his evasion + decapitation efforts
* Ntilde makes a note to kick Fernbar when the game's done
* Andrea has freed elfstar. really. damnit
* BlackDeath stays out of reach of the monster, waiting for more bits.
* Kyol-HT tries to run up and kick the arm into the river.
* Pontiac attempts to cut the monster's legs out from underneat it.
<zompist> surley pickaxes the poor thing

<Surley> "Elfstar, do you feel okay enough to attack the monster?"
<Xengar> Poor thing? I hope you don't mean it doesn't have treasuer.
<Fernbar> zomp: is it acid rain?
<zompist> elfstar is freed, but doesn't feel so well

<Surley> Fern, only where Raven is flying and dropping acid
* Andrea helps Elfstar into hiding
<zompist> the monster manages to give capalert a good-sized bite

<zompist> tastes like chicken!

<Fernbar> bring elfstar over to the mash unit here
<zompist> cap's down to about 3 hp

* Surley tries to pickaxe it between the eyes, and whap the flail against it's nether regions
<Kyol-HT> Do I manage to kick the arm into the river?
<Surley> "cap, heal thyself!"
* CapAlert limps away, calling for Operation Arclight
<zompist> the arm is dead, kyol!

* Andrea helps elfstar around the bridge and to the mash unit, there.
<Kyol-HT> I'm not taking any chances...
<zompist> xengar, you're still attacking, right?

<Surley> an me
* BlackDeath takes a rest break on the bridge.
* Ntilde runs circles around the arm and claims he's in an arms race
<Andrea> can I fight some more?
<zompist> sure

<Xengar> Yes
<Andrea> does it need a drawing?
<Pontiac> I'm still attacking.
<zompist> ok. you manage to finish it off.

* Kyol-HT smugly watches the arm float down the river.
<Xengar> Woohoo!
<Surley> "Andrea draw the monster dead and not regenrating.. in case your painting have power over the thing."
<zompist> about a minute later, the pieces start stirring

<Xengar> I'm glad it was disarmed earlier.
<CapAlert> "POUR THE ACID ON IT
<Surley> "Acid bird! You're on!"
* BlackDeath douses the whole thing in acid.
<Andrea> "I'll try that next time, Surley."
<Surley> "Melt the head!"
<zompist> the acid is just enough to kill the troll for good

* Kyol-HT shrieks "SEE! THROW 'EM IN THE RIVER!" hopping up and down.
<CapAlert> Kill the pig!
<Surley> "Who-Ha!"
<zompist> as it dies, it manages to give you all the finger

* CapAlert heals himself
<Fernbar> pHew
* Xengar throws the finger in the river
<Surley> Do troll bits sell for any gold at the market?
* CapAlert gets out his flask of booze and takes a big ol swig
* BlackDeath limps over to the cleric for a little healing.
<zompist> blackened troll bits? not exactly

* Xengar immediately schleps off to search for valuables under the bridge
* CapAlert offers the flask to Blackdeath
* Kyol-HT weakly follows Xengar.
<Fernbar> dibs on the prosthetics!
* BlackDeath takes a hit from the flask.
<Andrea> I doubt it would have anything worthwhile. by which i mean nonevil.
* Surley tosses the rest of the troll bits in the river, but tries to save a set of souvenier claws for himself
<CapAlert> we should have kept a troll leg and stuck it onto Fern's stump
<Xengar> Wait... it's definitely *a* leg, we don't know for sure that it's *your* leg.
<zompist> heh

<zompist> where exactly do you look for treasure?

<Surley> No, then Fern's leg would be EVIL and try to murder us all!
<Xengar> by the pylons.
<Xengar> And anywhere it smells like troll.
<Surley> Where the troll was
* Kyol-HT in his bloody weakened state, picks up a shiney rock and secrets it in his pouch. Then wipes the blood out of his eyes.
<CapAlert> in the bottom of my flask
<Andrea> I smell like troll
<zompist> i mean, do you go into the river?

* BlackDeath leaves the troll's eyes right where they are.
* Kyol-HT looks at the river under the bridge.
* Surley helps in the search for treasure
<Xengar> Hrmmmmmmmm... only so far as I can go while keeping a hold on some part of the bridge.
<Kyol-HT> How strong would you say that current is?
<Surley> Damn liquid terminator trolls...
<zompist> you don't find much besides piles of human and animal bones, discarded bits of leather armor, broken weapons, walking sticks, rotted clothing, a couple of gemstones, and plenty of troll turds

<Xengar> Grab the gemstones and a couple walking sticks.
* Kyol-HT sticks a toe gingerly into the water and tries to wade around knee deep.
<Xengar> Fernie's gonna need a crutch.
<zompist> oh, and a little golden chalice with an inscription

* Ntilde rolls the bones and tries to figure out why things happen
<Andrea> *yoink!*
<Ntilde> Ooh. I'll check out the inscription.
<BlackDeath> raven-sized chalice? :)
* Pontiac snatches the bits of leather armor.
<zompist> "Thanks, Caloton! You're The Best Damn Priest In Chuza! From All Of Us"

<CapAlert> wait a sec
<Ntilde> It wasn't a spell or anything? That's lame.
* Kyol-HT grabs a walking stick and contemplates changing his name to Bilbo.
<CapAlert> gimme the chalice, I'm the priest, I'll be the judge of the drinking thing
<Surley> Raven-sized chalice as in you want to bathe in it?
* Surley takes a shiney gemstone
* Fernbar will need to buy a mount
<Xengar> As *if*, surl. Who exactly told anyone else there were gemstones?
* Andrea offers her servi..er..
<zompist> who gets the other gemstone?

<Andrea> I do
<zompist> heh.

<Andrea> please?
<Surley> And I'll take any of the broken weapons that look like they could be salvagable
<zompist> true.

<zompist> but surley helped search. he found one of the gemstones.

* CapAlert goes to check /vanity/FERNBAR09.jpg
<Surley> yay!
<Xengar> Aight.
<zompist> i'll put you down for the other one, xengar

* Ntilde sits out from the treasure-gathering with the same guilty look he had when he got to the restaurant late at PGGTG3
<Xengar> Cool. That'll help rebuild my place.
<Andrea> that's what I get for stadning in the bank and yelling dibs
* Kyol-HT pokes around in the water under the bridge with his new stick.
<Fernbar> excuse me
<jeeb> Fernbar: Telecommunications is upgrading.
* CapAlert checks the chalice out for magic and then pours a drink into it
* BlackDeath will have to be satisfied with experience points. :)
<Surley> are any of the broken weapons salvagable.. say if we give them to a weaponsmith?
<Fernbar> this cost me an arm and a leg, surely I should get a gem...
<Andrea> if I use my spectacles, could I find anything that was overlooked?
* Xengar fashions a crutch for Fernbar
* Fernbar exagerates slightly
* Andrea puts them on and scans the water
* Kyol-HT bends over and sticks his head under the water looking around.
<Andrea> I see something, but it might be a rock.
<zompist> the water is quite wet and stinks of troll, but there doesn't seem to be anything else here

* Andrea wades in and finds.. a rock
<zompist> elfstar starts feeling a little better.

* Kyol-HT yanks his head out of the water sputtering.
* CapAlert thinks about heading back to the town to rest up a bit
<Kyol-HT> Er, say...who's the cleric again? I'm rather wounded and stuff like that.
<zompist> she says, "thanks for rescuing me. and thanks for ASKING ABOUT MY STORY."

<CapAlert> maybe an inn or a temple
* BlackDeath makes one last pass underneath the bridge.
<zompist> the next five trolls attack!

* Xengar sidles up to Elfstar... So, what's *your* story?
* Andrea scans the darnkess off to the side of the trail. Hmm, nice scenery
<zompist> oh, just kidding

* Fernbar has nowhere to go, pulls the story out of elfstar
* CapAlert marvels at the way zomp so perfectly captured the character
<Surley> "Oh, Elfstar, what happened to you?"
* Xengar runs, screaming like a woman
<zompist> "how the FUCK could you people leave anaseri without noticing i WASN'T THERE?"

<Xengar> Oh, never mind. Heh, bet you thought I meant that scream. Heh.
<CapAlert> hey guys, it's raining, we're still bleeding a bit
<BlackDeath> "Perhaps we should find a safe place to rest first?"
<zompist> "blinded by ducks?"

<CapAlert> maybe we can continue this INDOORS
<zompist> heh

<Andrea> "there's a shed over there.."
<Pontiac> Let's go find an inn.
* Kyol-HT holds himself up staring around, wondering who the hell the cleric is.
<CapAlert> I say we go back to the town
<zompist> capalert is your friendly local cleric

<CapAlert> the cleric who used both spells earlier
* Kyol-HT hobbles over to CapAlert..."hey I'll go back to town, but I don't think I can walk that far on 1 hp.
<zompist> ok. so. you head back to town. right?

<Ntilde> I know magic, but I don't know how to heal.
<Xengar> Yes.
<CapAlert> aye
<zompist> to village, i mean.

<Ntilde> Unless someone would like to teach me.
<CapAlert> to Chuza
<Fernbar> I try, but I'm a little slow
<Xengar> I give Fern the use of my horse... assuming he doesn't keep falling off.
* Surley tries to make some battlefield sutures with some bandages and stuff from his supplies
<Andrea> there mgith be some in the shed...
<Andrea> obver there...
<zompist> right. y'all walk back to chuza, and stand marvelling at its sturdy peasant architecture.

* Andrea sighs
* Kyol-HT looks around for an inn.
<Surley> Is there an inn?
<CapAlert> is there a temple or church or something?
<Xengar> I start the process of marvelling at the bottom of an ale tankard
<Fernbar> or a treehouse?
<Andrea> is there an art supply store?
<Andrea> or a museum?
* Ntilde looks for a bookstore that sells spells, although he probably can't afford to buy anything
<zompist> there's a couple of temples and 2.5 inns

<Surley> No stores?
<Kyol-HT> How about a nice old fashioned fountain of healing?
<BlackDeath> "There's a nice little raven temple I visited last time...."
<zompist> no stores, really

* Fernbar will fit in the half-an-inn
<Surley> Weapon shops, smithies, media plays?
<zompist> there's a market day once a week, but it's not today

<CapAlert> ok, I'm going to go find out which temple Caloton was priest at
<Pontiac> Dam.
<zompist> capalert: there's a temple of enäron, and a temple of ishira

<CapAlert> no, bridge
<Surley> "Howbout we go to a temple, get some healin'?"
<Kyol-HT> Er, if I have any money, I stumble to the nearest temple and attempt to be healed.
<CapAlert> I'll try enäron first
<Andrea> maybe we could trade a drawing for some healing?
<Surley> I'll go with ya
<CapAlert> and bring along whoever else wants to come
* Andrea follows
<Fernbar> any priest high enough to regenerate me?
<Pontiac> I'm going with you guys.
<zompist> ok. the temple is not much bigger than a house, but it's nicely decorated, mostly in pastels.

<CapAlert> we can ask at the temple, Fern
* Ntilde arrives at the temple slightly late
* CapAlert knock on the door
<Surley> Ask if they know a Caloton
<zompist> the altarcloths advertize the temple softball league and b'nai b'rith

* Xengar arrives at the temple slightly drunk
<CapAlert> Oy!
* Kyol-HT stands there whimpering.
<zompist> there's a priest asleep on a bench

* Pontiac wonders if anything here is worth stealing.
* Andrea taps the priest on the shoulder
<zompist> a young-looking guy in red and white robes.

<Andrea> MM..
<zompist> the guy stirs, looks blearily at andrea.

<zompist> "um."

* CapAlert steps forward, asking for Caloton
<Andrea> "I'm sorry to have bothered you, sir.."
<zompist> "mmm. got any coffee?"

* Ntilde gets the priest some coffee
<Lots42> (KILLHIM)
<Andrea> "I have bacon. Lots might have eggs.."
<zompist> the priest enjoys a fine breakfast at your expense

* Kyol-HT hobbles forward dripping blood all over the place.
* CapAlert asks about Caloton again
<zompist> "now. that was certainly fine. what did you want again?"

<Kyol-HT> Help?
<Surley> I don't think BlackDeath is willing to part with any eggs.. heh
<zompist> "oh, caloton. he's dead."

<Fernbar> a leg?
<CapAlert> Was he part of your order?
<Ntilde> Oh, wait, I check the phrasebook. It's called "caua" here.
<Kyol-HT> Any healers around here?
<zompist> "yeah, sure. i trained under him. till he died."

* CapAlert holds out the chalice
<zompist> "he was the town priest. he's not any more."

<CapAlert> Well, allow me to return this
<zompist> "he got eaten by a..."

<CapAlert> We killed the troll
<Andrea> "Do you miss him?"
<Surley> "We have avenged his death!"
<zompist> the priest's eyes, mouth, nose, everything all gape open like in a tex avery cartoon

<CapAlert> Wow! Cool!
* Xengar looks around for the hot redhead
<Surley> For great justice!
<zompist> "fuck me with a pitchfork! are you shitting me?"

<CapAlert> Nope. No shit
<Kyol-HT> Maybe just an herbalist or something?
<CapAlert> We fucked that fucker up good
<Xengar> And lucky for you, no pitchfork.
<zompist> "er. i mean, praise enäron! you are mighty warriors!"

<Fernbar> maybe there's one in Andrea's shed
<zompist> "damn damn damn! i got to tell the chief."

<zompist> he runs out of the temple

<CapAlert> Might we trou...
<CapAlert> hm
<Kyol-HT> Chief? That doesn't sound very priestlike...
<Xengar> I follow him, shouting about healing limbs
<Andrea> rude little bactard
<Pontiac> And we didn't even have to kill him.
<zompist> you follow him to a largeish though rude-looking house nearby

<CapAlert> well, the day's not over yet, Pontiac
<zompist> everything is nearby in this burg

* Kyol-HT searches the place for any healing draughts apparently before running after everyone to a house.
<Lots42> (BURNDOWNTHEVILLAGE)
<Surley> This is a tiny village
<Xengar> I don't follow him inside, but look really cool while I wait for the chief.
<zompist> he's yapping incoherently to an older gentleman sitting at a table eating lunh

<zompist> lunch

<zompist> the chief lumbers over to the door.

<Andrea> lunch? I thought it was breakfast
* CapAlert swaggers and tries to look impressive
* Kyol-HT stumbles into the house after him dripping blood all over everything.
<zompist> "lemme see that chalice," he says.

<Kyol-HT> Is this where your healers are?
* CapAlert hands the chalice to the guy
<Xengar> Is this where your daughters are?
* Pontiac steals glances, wondering if anything here is worth stealing.
<zompist> "well well well. this is caloton's."

* Ntilde sneaks into the house just a few minutes late
<zompist> "he's dead," the priest adds.

* BlackDeath pokes cap. "I think kyol needs a little help here."
<CapAlert> I would, but I'm out of spells
<zompist> the chief asks you to tell him what happened

* Andrea clears her throat. "PSeaking of dead.."
<CapAlert> as was stated earlier
* CapAlert tells a highly embellished tale
* Kyol-HT searches the house for healing potions or anything else of interest.
<BlackDeath> sorry.
<Xengar> I relate the tale of my heroism
<Andrea> "Several of our party members were injured. Could you or anyone here be of assistance?
<BlackDeath> missed it in the excitement.
<Surley> "Try anyways, Cap. Maybe you have a secret power hidden inside.. like another cure spell?"
* CapAlert makes sure he's the one who dealt the killing blow in the tale
<Fernbar> we all recite our stories
<Xengar> Oh, and I throw in a bit about everyone else getting all hurt
* Fernbar kicked it off...
<zompist> "oh frabjous day! the troll is dead!"

<zompist> the chief sends the priest around to gather up inhabitants

<Surley> Cap, I think it was more of a group effort
* Fernbar jabberhops
<CapAlert> And some of my companions took a bit of a beating
<zompist> "yes indeed! we must celebrate and reward you."

<CapAlert> so if we could trouble the priesty guy there
<zompist> the chief stops a moment. "of course, we have to verify."

<Lots42> (KILLTHECHIEF)
<Xengar> We can verify. You got a chicken?
* Andrea kills lots
* Surley hands over one of the troll's claws
<Surley> I think lots was the ghost of Flippy
* Kyol-HT keeps looking around for stuff to steal, being a really shitty theif and all apparently.
<CapAlert> we kept a claw?
<zompist> the chief is impressed with the claw.

<zompist> "still..."

<Ntilde> Damn. I knew I should have taken pictures of the dead troll.
<zompist> he lumbers over bridge-ward, calling for chickens

<Surley> Andrea,
* Andrea shows the priest her amazingly lifelike drawings of the troll, dead
<CapAlert> "But I am a priest. Surely you can accept my word of honor
<Surley> "Andrea, draw what the troll looked like both alive and dead?"
<Xengar> o/~ there are chickens in the trees... o/~
<zompist> "of course of course," he says, still walking. "after we see that he's dead, that is."

<Andrea> "Are these proof enough?"
<Kyol-HT> Cripes, doesn't this guy have any chests or drawers or anything in his house?
* Andrea tugs on his vloak
<Andrea> cloak
<zompist> "yes, ma'am?"

* Kyol-HT looks in what appears to be a closet.
<Andrea> "See? Here? DO you think I could AMKE this up?"
<Andrea> MAKE
* Andrea is an artist with a speech impediment
<zompist> the chief reaches the bridge, along with about five other villagers.

<Andrea> well, hell
<zompist> he stands well back from the water and calls for chickens

<zompist> "can we borrow your raven?"

* CapAlert hopes that the DM isn't a perverse bastard
<BlackDeath> "Hey!"
<CapAlert> You can borrow Flippy here
<zompist> "oh, it's a talking raven."

<BlackDeath> "For?
* Andrea draws a chicken
<Surley> Does the chicken drawing magically and randomly come to life?
<Andrea> No
<zompist> the chief has a few villagers drag flippy to the water and throw him in

<Fernbar> not if you keep choking it
<Andrea> but it looks nice
<zompist> he looks with interest at the bubbles

<Surley> I thought Flippy was dead.. and it was his body?
<zompist> someone belatedly shows up with a chicken

<CapAlert> Alas poor flippy. I knew him well.
<zompist> surley: yup

<Surley> Oh well, we can kill him again.. like Kenny
<Andrea> a corpse of infinite jest?
<zompist> the chief, with a practiced air, slits the chicken's throat and throws him near the water

<Fernbar> he's pining.
<CapAlert> well, actually, a corpse of infinite stench
* Kyol-HT trapses blood ALL over the cheifs house then sadly joins the rest of the gang.
<Lots42> a corpse of haunting people and encouraging them to murder
<Surley> Jobu likes chicken
<zompist> finally, after no trolls appear, everyone cheers and hauls your around on their shoulders and gives you an enormous feast

<Surley> Yay! Feast!
<CapAlert> (and healing)
<Surley> Healing Feast!
<zompist> the local clerics are rustled up and heal the wounded

<Kyol-HT> I'm too weak to chew!
<Andrea> bacon!
<Surley> And a dead chicken!
<zompist> the blacksmith welds together a tin leg for fernbar

* Ntilde eats up
<Kyol-HT> Ah,much better. :pigs out:
<BlackDeath> "Ooooh, any good eyeballs?
* CapAlert buys an oil can
<Fernbar> oil!
<CapAlert> heh
* Andrea hits on the younger priests.
<zompist> the only unfortunate thing is that it's largely a vegetarian feast

<zompist> not many animals left alive around here.

<CapAlert> what? no chicken?
* Kyol-HT nudges the chief> "So, got any other problems around here abouts you want me to take care of for ya?"
* Surley tries to get some of the broken weapons returned to the families of their former owners
<Surley> or fixed...
<BlackDeath> "Bah, veggies...."
<Surley> One chicken, you can have it's eyes, BlackDeath
<Lots42> Well, there is flippy's dead body in the river.
* Kyol-HT looks around wondering what happened to the gold chalice.
<zompist> do you guys have flippy dredged up?

<Lots42> Someone could go fetch it
<Ntilde> I see a potato here. BlackDeath, you can have the potato's eyes.
<CapAlert> hey, maybe you clerics can do something about Flippy?
* BlackDeath makes do with a little meat.
<BlackDeath> And booze.
<CapAlert> and our pal, the bag of gravel?
<Xengar> It may be a bit late to help flippy.
*** Kyol-HT is now known as Morwen
<Morwen> :chink chink:
*** Morwen is now known as Kyol-HT
<Andrea> Just what we need: A drunk raven, slurring her speech and flying into the walls
* Fernbar needs to go to sleep
<zompist> the priest looks with interest at the bag of rubble.

<Ntilde> Hey, does this town have a ready-mix plant?
<Surley> See if they know a spell or something to reform a petrified borken Morwen
<CapAlert> you missed that at the GTG Andrea
<Fernbar> ...shifting into autopilot
<zompist> "you know, that reminds me."

<CapAlert> nite Ken
<CapAlert> remind me to /kick you tomorrow
<zompist> (night, fern.)

* Xengar knocks off
<Fernbar> if I'm on
<CapAlert> hehe
* Kyol-HT stares at the priest. "Reminds you of what?"
<zompist> "i hear tell that over in gurëna there's a magician who works with rock."

<CapAlert> Gurëna, eh?
<Kyol-HT> Hey, now we're talking!
<zompist> "made a rock monster that terrorized the countryside halfway to veshdan, he did."

<CapAlert> how far is that, and is it South?
<Pontiac> "How can we expect to destroy a rock monster?"
<Kyol-HT> Lets go! That Morwen was a babe! I say we get her fixed up so I can start picking her pockets again.
<CapAlert> with a rock LOBSTER
<zompist> "it's a few days' ride south of here."

<CapAlert> well then. That settles it.
* CapAlert leans back and drinks some mead
<CapAlert> It's on the way, so I can afford to get all liquored up
<Surley> Well, off to the south to try and subdue.. er.. persuade the rock wizard by giving it a challange?
<Kyol-HT> : rocks bounce around angrily in their pocket:
*** Lots42 is now known as Peanut_Gallery
<Pontiac> I'm game for some action to the south.
<CapAlert> hey, I don't think my church requires a vow of celibacy!
<Ntilde> "Oh, are there any towns around here where we can get Kyol a jockstrap?"
<Pontiac> Steal some good stuff.
<zompist> the chief looks embarrassed. "were you requiring whores, gentlemen?"

<Kyol-HT> What do I need a jockstrap for?
* Andrea perks up, stops flirting with the priests
<Andrea> "Is there anywhere in need of a good artist along the way?"
* CapAlert surveys the party
<zompist> he looks at andrea and elfstar, looks even more embarrassed.

<Ntilde> You have rocks bouncing around in your pocket.
<CapAlert> "Well, anyone? whores?
<Kyol-HT> They aren't in MY pocket!
<Ntilde> Oh. Never mind.
<CapAlert> Who's up for a lil debauchery?
<Surley> Andrea is the closest we have to one...
<Andrea> "I might"
<Andrea> "Can they hold still?"
<Surley> "A little sex is good after violence"
<Kyol-HT> If you take Morwen to this wizard you'll have 2 whores! C'mon...think of that!
<zompist> "of course, we don't have none of the big-city whores you may be used to."

<CapAlert> a bit of the ol in and out, eh me droobs?
* CapAlert swigs down more mead, and promptyl passes out
<zompist> "but melicoma has all her teeth, and aladhea is a hell of a looker when she puts on her wig."

<Andrea> "they're not really cows with the word "Whore" on them, are they?"
<Surley> "Off to the south, then, eh?"
<Pontiac> "We're goin' down south!"
<zompist> heh

<Surley> Oh, what did they reward us with besides the feast?
<Surley> If anything?
* Kyol-HT jumps up and down gleefully.
<Andrea> "Aw, but I wanted whores. or priests... Where's that first one? I'm in LOVE"
* CapAlert picks his head up off the table
<CapAlert> Shoufth?
* Pontiac discreetly steals silverware.
* CapAlert passes back out
<zompist> well, they gave you some gold, plenty of food, and a nice suit of leather armor, and a horse.

<Andrea> .. bacon?
<Surley> Ooh, who gets the armor?
<zompist> they're out of bacon

<Ntilde> No spells?
<Peanut_Gallery> KILLTHEH...wait a second
<Andrea> pencils?
<Kyol-HT> All of us got a horse?
<zompist> no, it's too small a town to give out horses that lavishly

<Surley> Xenbar had a horse
<zompist> as it is, the schoolteacher is going to have to walk on his corns now

<Surley> Maybe he should take off the corn and put shoes on?
<Surley> heh
<Surley> er..
<zompist> they did offer some rusty old weapons, but yours are better

<Surley> never mind
<CapAlert> "'Ear now," the schoolteacher said in a husky voice
<zompist> if these people were fighters, they wouldn't have troll problems.

<Surley> "Who got injured alot in that battle with the troll?"
<zompist> fern lost a leg...

<Surley> "And is a fighter who can use leather armor?"
<CapAlert> well, the thieves can too
<Surley> "Oh heck, Fern, if it makes up for your loss a little, you can have the armor."
<Pontiac> "But the troll is in a thousand pieces in the river."
<Kyol-HT> Oh for criminies sake, just grab the stuff and lets go.
<CapAlert> I'm protected by my purity
<zompist> the townspeople also warn you about the ruined castle a day's ride upriver, erruk.

<Peanut_Gallery> Can I still call for the burning of houses and the slaying of innocent townspeople?
<CapAlert> oh, Erruk. That's where the thief said there were monsters and more things to kill
<zompist> "give it a wide berth," advises the chief. "that's probably where the troll came from. this time of year, we usually get a monster or two."

<CapAlert> what kind of monsters?
<Surley> "WEll, should we try to go fix Morwen or try to eliminate some monsters?"
<zompist> the chief shudders.

<zompist> "you name it, they got it."

<CapAlert> neo-otyughs?
<Kyol-HT> MORWEN!
<Andrea> "Let's fix Morwen. I'm tired of her chinking"
<CapAlert> cool
*** Kyol-HT is now known as Morwen
<Surley> Morwen it is..
<Morwen> :chink chink:
*** Morwen is now known as Kyol-HT
<CapAlert> well, Morwen's guy is closer, if I remember the dorections right
<zompist> "many young fellers like you go there, and few come back. well, not that many come back anyway, even after seeing melicoma and aladhea."

<CapAlert> directions
<Surley> "Thank you for your hospitality, good sir, but We shall be heading to that rock wizard to see if he can fix our friend.. or at least turn her into a sexy golem."
<Pontiac> "So, let's get going!"
<Surley> The party gears up and rides out
<zompist> you get directions. you go upriver till you get to the river fork, and then hang a left-- following the svetla to gurëna.

<Surley> heh
* BlackDeath is still fairly sloshed.
<CapAlert> sloshed, hell, I'm barely conscious
<zompist> ok, i think that's enough for today

<zompist> i haven't got mr. rock wizard rolled up. :)

<Pontiac> Yeah, enough for one night.
<Kyol-HT> Oh damn, here I am with a penis for the first time, and I forgot to use it.
<Surley> yea, we got a horse and leather armor and gold and a dead troll
<zompist> and you had a choice of whores, too!

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!