The Story So Far : To catch a thief (Episodes 54-59, 3/29/01)

SWHC

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



<zompist> might as well start. it takes this group awhile to get moving anyway.

<Ntilde> True. Let's try to honk this one out.
<zompist> eeewwww

*** Lore is now known as Albacore
<Flippy> Riase your hand and giggle wildly if you're stoned
<Albacore> Oh, don't I wish.
<Albacore> If I was stoned, I'd be alseep.
* Flippy spritzes on some hairspray and slices a balloon
<BlackDeath> so, we're leaving the Wondrous Waterfowl?
<Surley> aimee, do you want to play sol-d today?
<zompist> now leaving quaint, quacking anaseri, town of ducks.

* CapAlert ducks
<BlackDeath> ah, leaving town altogether?
<Surley> did we ever find a job?
<Albacore> capalert
<xengar> that was kind of a fowl burg
<Surley> A job other than duck fluffer?
<zompist> oh, wait, sam uses capitals, doesn't he?

<Flippy> Evil fucking ducks
<Albacore> Ignore that.
<xengar> That was kind of a fowl burg.
<Ntilde> How is Sam going to get XP for this if you're playing him, Zomp?
<zompist> depends on whether he survives or not.

<xengar> Hey!
* Ntilde rereads his side of the Elksplit log
<Surley> wait, since SGreen played my character, can I play his as well?
<Albacore> Okay. Onward and upward. Ho. Ha. Unk.
<Ntilde> Yeah. I unk along with Albacore.
* Flippy wanders aimlessly forward
<Albacore> I detect evil on every motherfucking thing in the hizouse.
* Surley wanders about, randomly bumping into things
* BlackDeath is still riding shotgun to Cap.
<CapAlert> I'll, um, go south with Xen, I guess
<CapAlert> and don't shit on this new shirt. It's silk, y'know
<Albacore> I'm loaded for bear.
<Surley> Okay, we're all walking in a straight line, out of town
* Flippy heads in the general direction of Albacore and Ntilde
<Flippy> Except Surley
<Albacore> I'm not sure what that means, but it DESCRIBES ME!
*** tieboy is now known as S_Frog
* BlackDeath whaps Cap upside the head with a wing. "Relax, god boy."
* Surley wakes up and walkes along with the rest of the group
<S_Frog> I will be S. Frog
*** SIGNOFF: xengar!markrose@shell-1.enteract.com (Leaving)
<S_Frog> intrepid adventurer'
<CapAlert> not Mrs Steve?
<Flippy> He vanished!
<Surley> Senor Frog
*** SIGNOFF: zompist!zompist@207-229-151-109.d.enteract.com (Connection reset by peer)
*** SIGNOFF: zompist signed off at 22:13
<S_Frog> oh. unless this is a continutation of some other came
<Surley> Some people decided to stay in duckburg
<CapAlert> CHAOS
*** Albacore is now known as GM
<S_Frog> or the DM vanishes
<GM> Ah, HA!
* BlackDeath flies scout position, keeping an eye out along the road ahead.
<S_Frog> GM?
<Surley> Chaos? Where?
<GM> I'm the Game Master now.
<GM> Oh, right, it's D&D.
*** GM is now known as DM
<S_Frog> or the General Manager
<Ntilde> All your game are belong to us?
<CapAlert> snkkt
<DM> Okay, you're all attacked by HAM!

<Surley> mmm... delicious ham
<DM> Ham rolls down the hill toward you. What do you DO?

<S_Frog> I track the ham
* BlackDeath gets out a knife and fork.
<DM> This is +3 ham.

<DM> You need a magic fork.

<Ntilde> I get out my slicer.
<Surley> Is the ham green? Are there eggs attacking along with it?
* CapAlert gets out a second set of dishes
<CapAlert> don't want to sully the Pareve ones
<DM> The ham surveys the party, deciding whom to attack.

<S_Frog> I turn the nam
* Flippy attempts to look non-threatening
*** DM is now known as Ham
* BlackDeath drops flaming glaze onto the Ham from above.
* Ham attacks Surly!
*** Ham is now known as DM
<CapAlert> oooh, mustard!
<maime> sorry, was away. I don't know how to draw cant play sol
<Ntilde> I attack it rye-ly.
* Flippy goes for the Ham's flank
<DM> You take one hit point and the grease stain isn't going to come out of your Jerkin.

*** CapAlert has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to * Ham attacks Surly!
<Surley> Are we in a dream world or are we all actually still in the duck city and the ducks are using mind control to make us hallucinate?
<DM> The glaze only makes it stronger!

*** DM is now known as Ham
* Surley eats the ham
<Ham> I am stronger now!
*** Ham is now known as DM
* Flippy screams and runs around, crying "What is reality?"
<Surley> buuuurp
* Surley takes the red pill
* CapAlert gets out some bread and some swiss cheese
<DM> You do one point of damage to the ham, and it's tasty.

* Flippy takes the prozac pill
<Surley> Can we go see the Oracle?
<DM> Flippy manages to sink his weapon and/or utensil into the ham, doing another point f damage.

*** DM is now known as Ham
<Surley> And we need a hawt chick in tight leather named Trinity or something
<Flippy> Mmmm
* Ham turns on Flippy.
* CapAlert gets out his mace, and attempts to tenderize the ham
*** Ham is now known as DM
<DM> What are you, Flippy?

* Flippy screams and hacks at it widly
<CapAlert> a spatula
<Flippy> wildly also
<Flippy> DEMON HAM!
<Surley> Demon baked ham
<DM> Capalert's mace makes mincemeat out of much of the ham. Pink bits go flying everyplace.

<CapAlert> Deviled ham?
<Flippy> It smells so good but it's 3evil!
* BlackDeath takes a swipe at the ham with her talon blades, right along the side there, where it looks the juciest and most tender....
<DM> The ham screams as only pig flank can do.

<Ntilde> I start waving cloves at the ham and read the recipe book.
<DM> And at last, collapses onto the ground.

<DM> Where it turns into a beautiful princess!

* BlackDeath checks the ham for loot.
<Flippy> I blame the ducks
*** CapAlert is now known as Kemlo
<Kemlo> I FUCKING TOLD YOU
*** Kemlo is now known as CapAlert
*** zompist (markrose@shell-3.enteract.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<Flippy> DEMON PRiNCESS! KILL IT!
<DM> Dead, but beautiful.

<zompist> GAH.

<Ntilde> Re, zomp.
* Flippy steals the chick's shoes
<CapAlert> zomp, we killed the ham!
<zompist> my apologies. the phone rang, and lida answered it.

<CapAlert> 10K XP each!
<DM> BlackDeath: You find an amulaet reading "If cursed, please return to One Big Dark Castle Lane."

<zompist> ...disconnecting me.

<DM> Um.

<Surley> re zomp
*** DM is now known as Albacore
<Albacore> Nothing! Nothing!
* BlackDeath pockets the amulet.
* CapAlert pockets a tasty deviled ham sandwich
<S_Frog> we're done
<zompist> heh.

<S_Frog> we fought a ham
<Surley> what happened: The group has been zapped into a pseudo-matrix-like reality by the Duck Lord in the city without them knowing
* Flippy starts digging a grave
<Albacore> I, uh, filled in for you.
<zompist> ok, moving right along....

*** S_Frog is now known as tieboy
<zompist> all of you except erik the dwarf had nice straw beds and a fine breakfast.

<CapAlert> of HAM
<zompist> fine except for some reason they won't serve you duck.

*** Mr-Ben (Benman13@AC8DE152.ipt.aol.com) has joined #spinnwebe
* Surley gets distracted by Jennifer Love Hewett's blousepuppies on the daily show
<Flippy> Stop saying that!
<zompist> you leave the city and find erik shivering piteously in a field.

<Albacore> I pity him.
<Albacore> And detect evil.
<Surley> snkkt
<zompist> he's not evil.

<zompist> i think.

<tieboy> i attack him
<CapAlert> NONONO
<Albacore> And I also try to detect pathetic, just to calibrate.
<zompist> he's off the meter!

* Flippy hopes no one notices the dead princess he's dragging behind him
<zompist> naturally so, since verduria doesn't use the metric system

* Surley casts 'detect skank' spell
* CapAlert contemplates /kicking the DM
* Flippy dumps the body and wanders about
* BlackDeath discreetly slides the princess's eyes into her eyeball jar.
<zompist> right. about a day out of town, you notice that someone's missing!

<Ntilde> Any reason why we're attacking one of our own?
<CapAlert> anyhow, did we ever cut him open to look for that jewel?
<Surley> "Hey, where's that artist chick?"
<CapAlert> and Fernbar?!
<zompist> no, she's here being a zombie.

<Flippy> She attacked the ducks
<CapAlert> or Xengar
<CapAlert> or...
<Flippy> She really had it in for ducks and lobsters
<Albacore> Did we ever reassemble the stoned one?
<Flippy> They're gone, okay?
<zompist> no, the people who aren't here are presumed accounted for.

<Surley> Poor people... eaten by ducks
<CapAlert> Albacore: nah, she's in a sack. We're looking for a good driveway
<BlackDeath> so who's missing?
<zompist> they're either with you as zombies, or they're visitng the campaign next door.

<CapAlert> ok, so who do we notice is missing?
<Flippy> Damn near everyone
<zompist> you miss the canadian fighter elf

<Albacore> I use "detect absent."
* Flippy misses the dead princess
<Surley> "Okay! Who's not here?"
<CapAlert> bah, she didn't help us kill those orcs. I don't miss her
<zompist> i speak, for it is no more the time of riddles, of elfstar

<Surley> Oh yea, Elfstar isn't here
<CapAlert> any tracks leading away from our camp?
<zompist> you were kind of distracted and bothered by all those flapping ducks for awhile, so you're half a day out of anaseri.

<Albacore> When did we see her last?
* Flippy decides to shake down innocent villages for directions to One Big Dark Castle Lane. And booze
<CapAlert> oh, she didn't leave Anaseri with us
<CapAlert> ?
* BlackDeath returns to her scout position high above and looks for her.
<Surley> I think she was screaming something about 'wanting to be Jenny'
<zompist> No, I remember seeing her as we left town.

*** SIGNOFF: maime!dollasauru@dialupH228.ptld.uswest.net (Connection reset by peer)
<Albacore> Let's take out a "Missed Connections" ad.
<zompist> But we stopped so that artist chick could rest, and I haven't seen her since.

<Surley> Hmm.. can we backtrack?
<zompist> if you like

<CapAlert> yeah, let's go back to where we rested
* Flippy returns with six bottles of wine and a shiner
<Albacore> "Us: Rag-tag team of adventurers. You: Elven Warrior. Forgot to get your number, would like to see you again."
<Surley> Anyone want's to come help me look for Elfstar who is presumed dead and/or eaten?
<CapAlert> she has the Sword of Poking Things Sharply
<zompist> b.d., you don

<CapAlert> yeah, I'll go Surly
<zompist> don't see anything.

* BlackDeath returns to the group. "No sight of her, guys."
<CapAlert> <* Fernbar tries to track her
<zompist> i mean, you see plenty of picturesque fields, sturdy yeoman peasants, sheep, and stuff. but no elfstars.

<Surley> hmm..
<Albacore> How sturdy?
* Flippy gets a sheep drunk
<Surley> Can we question the fields, yeomen, sheep, and stuff to see if they have seen someone matching Elfstar's description?
<zompist> oh, and you're travelling on the main north-south road of the kingdom, so there's not like footprints.

<CapAlert> well, maybe leading off the road, etc
<CapAlert> but FINE
<Flippy> Well, the drunk sheep says "Baaaaarrrgh!"
*** xengar (markrose@shell-2.enteract.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<zompist> you don't see anyone to ask here, but there's a party approaching

* Flippy hides behind his sheep
<Albacore> All, right!
<Albacore> I detect evil on them.
<zompist> looks like an old, old monk supported by a young assistant

<CapAlert> I have a bad feeling about this
<zompist> al, you find not a trace of it

<CapAlert> greet monk
<Flippy> Baaa! Thud!
<CapAlert> light lamp
<CapAlert> xyzzy
<Albacore> I detect insincerity, then.
<zompist> the monk stops, eyes you all for a time alertly.

* CapAlert smiles wide
<zompist> the other monk stops and goes for a pee.

* Flippy offers monk somne wine
* Surley greets the monk and his young supple assistant
<CapAlert> Hi! We're just a ragtag team of adventureres!
* CapAlert speaks in typos
* Ntilde asks the monk where they're going
<zompist> "thank you kindly, young... er... half-elf, i believe it is."

<Albacore> For all time?
<Albacore> Oh, "all for a time."
* Albacore practices fencing with a tree.
<Flippy> "Can I borrow a gold piece?"
* CapAlert is distracted by Stan Lee on Turn Ben Stein On
<zompist> "i am a simple abbot not at all likely to be a high-level martial arts user, and this acolyte here is nothing but a choirboy with enormous pecs."

<Flippy> "Where is he? Been peeing for some time."
<zompist> "those chalices are heavy. good exercise," explains the young man.

* CapAlert offers the monk a bit o' sacramental wine
<Ntilde> Huh. I examine the two for homosexuality.
* BlackDeath eyes the acolyte appreciatively.
<zompist> you have no Detect Flame spell

<Surley> snkkt
* CapAlert casts Detect Hockey Fetish
<zompist> the monk politely declines your wine, but does accept some water.

* Flippy offers the drunken sheep to the monk
* Surley asks if they have seen anyone matching ElfStar's description... or perhaps some bears?"
<Albacore> Yo! Friar Tuck! Seen any warrior elves?
<zompist> "ah, i see you've played this game before," says the monk.

* Ntilde glances inappropriately at the acolyte's butt
* Surley shudders to think what kind of gane requires a drunk sheep
* Albacore begins talking with his words being poorly synced with his lips.
* Flippy warns them to beware of the ducks
<Albacore> Ha! I would not call you a warrior! Ho ho! You are obviously a weakling, compared to my power! Ha!
<zompist> "an elf? yes, i think i saw an elf, in the company of a human dressed in black. most curious i thought it."

<zompist> the monk apologizes for typing so slowly

<CapAlert> in black....did they seem to know each other?
<Surley> Tou didn't happen to see any... ducks with them?
* Flippy gets a fieldhand smashed
<zompist> the monk nudges the acolyte. "tom, i think he's talking to you."

*** SoiledGreen (erk_@jax1-58.EBICom.Net) has joined #spinnwebe
<MrLuke> [SoiledGreen] Will Work For Food, Fucker.
<SoiledGreen> baha!
<Albacore> Where did you see this elf, hmm? Are you sure you were not mistaken? Ho ho!
<SoiledGreen> what did i miss?
<CapAlert> Elfstar went poof, and we're grilling a monk
<zompist> (someone else explain, i'm busy with this damn monk.)

<Surley> hey sg
<Flippy> The monk has a sexy acolyte and there's a drunk sheep somewhere.
<SoiledGreen> sury, all, hey!
<zompist> "i saw them not half an hour back, travelling in the same direction you are going."

<SoiledGreen> er, surly.
<zompist> "that would be south."

<Surley> back towards the town?
*** SoiledGreen is now known as ErikGreen
* Flippy flees southward, not towards the town, away from it
<zompist> what direction have you been going since the campaign started? hmmmmm?

<Albacore> Wait. South? Which way is south?
<ErikGreen> South!
<Surley> All our compasses are cursed
<CapAlert> Al: the moss-free side of the tree
<Flippy> Erik, we're still waiting for you to poop out the jewel
<ErikGreen> well, i didn't take it.
<zompist> "i can't say if they knew each other well. they were not talking."

<zompist> "neither of them said anything to us, nor bought any of our magazines."

* Flippy subtly waits for others
<BlackDeath> "Magazines?"
<CapAlert> Are you going south? Would you like some company on your journey, holy one?
<Flippy> Porn?
<Surley> monk porn
<Ntilde> What magazines are you selling?
<Albacore> I only read Paladin Quarterly.
<CapAlert> h4\/\/T 4lt4r Boi Action!!! LQQK!!!
<Flippy> "Nunboy!"
<zompist> "you are kind to ask!"

<zompist> the monk sells you a half-dozen magazines

<Albacore> I knew I should have used "detect sales pitch."
<zompist> they're full of religious enlightenment and martial arts training

* BlackDeath flips through Feathers Weekly.
* Flippy learns how to break a board with his buttocks
* ErikGreen even wonders why the monk is talking.
<Ntilde> Uh, I was just curious what he was selling, not actually planning to buy them, but I guess I'm stuck with them now.
<zompist> "you're a soft sell, my lad."

<Albacore> "What the board was doing with my buttocks, I'll never know."
<Flippy> I'm suprised no one tried to cut them down with their mighty blades
<CapAlert> they aren't orcs...duh
<CapAlert> methinks we should be wary of ambush
<Albacore> I'm a Paladin. I have certain codes I must live by.
<Flippy> Erik set a duck on fire
<zompist> "dwarven sir, i am much obliged, but as you can see from the fact that we are travelling opposite you, we are going north."

<zompist> "you are going south. that's that way."

<Surley> Mmm.. my magazine features Scantilly Clad Women living in fantasitc towers of glass and steel, working machines beyond my comprehension with the word 'xerox' on them.
<Albacore> Thoughtless, pointless death must come only to the evil or those easily mistaken for evil.
<zompist> the monk helpfully points behind him.

* Ntilde checks out the centerfolds in these magazines
<BlackDeath> "Ooooh, the ancient art of Corvine Fu!"
<Albacore> So we should go the way you're going?
*** maime (dollasauru@dialupH199.ptld.uswest.net) has joined #spinnwebe
<CapAlert> waitasec...we went back north to where we last saw Elfstar , but did not encounter her? hmmm....
<zompist> "yes, our monastery offers many useful courses in spiritual and physical battle."

<Flippy> Well, people can go east and west
<Surley> Or should we go south in search for Elfstar?
<Surley> hey aims
<ErikGreen> hey maime!
<zompist> (leth, no, you never went north again.)

<Flippy> "We're gonna go south!"
<CapAlert> (I thought we went back to where we rested...my bad)
<zompist> you haven't gone much further than when you noticed elfstar missing.

<Albacore> South is which way?
<CapAlert> oh, ok
* BlackDeath reads up on the latest in wing guards.
<CapAlert> well then, let's continue south
* Surley studies some martial art magazines
* CapAlert admiures some altar boys
* ErikGreen heads south.
<zompist> "south is... hmm, face the setting sun, and look left."

* Flippy learns that that dead princess liked long walks on the beach and jousting
<zompist> "that's the hand you scratch your head with."

* Flippy follows the duck burner
* Ntilde checks to see if there's anything like The Matrix in there
<zompist> "if you have no more interrogations, we

* BlackDeath slides her magazines into her pack and takes up the scout position again.
<zompist> "we'll be on our way."

<Albacore> Which way is "setting"?
<Albacore> Is that up or down?
* Flippy rides his drunk sheep
* CapAlert tosses the monk a coin
<CapAlert> have a round of Evian on me
<Surley> "Thank you, holy one. We shall study these martial art magazines carefully as we part in search of our lost friend and stuff"
<Ntilde> "Thank you for the information. I'll give you guys a call if I need some training."
<zompist> the monk tosses cap another magazine.

<zompist> "we do nothing for charity. magazines and high-level grappling training, that's our specialty."

<CapAlert> oh! Hey! The hint guide to swd&d!
<zompist> "oh, and the brandy."

<tieboy> i attack something
<zompist> "it's a pity we can't drink it ourselves."

<CapAlert> oh, can you show me a grapple technique instead? On, say, Flippy?
<Albacore> Ooh. Bactine monks.
<ErikGreen> mmmmm..... brandy.
<Flippy> "leave my sheep alone!"
<zompist> the monk obligingly holds out a hand toward flippy.

<Albacore> So is the sun the hot one or the one that chicks dig?
* Flippy wanders back over and grabs hand
<Ntilde> "Come to think of it, as long as we aren't going anywhere, can you show me some good moves too?"
<zompist> flippy finds himself sailing through the air.

* Surley waves to the parting monks and heads south, leading the search for Elfstar
* CapAlert sighs. Will NTilde ever learn....
<Flippy> "Whee!"
<zompist> the monks wave and move on, north.

* Flippy lands on drunken field hand
<CapAlert> at least the monks don't have chamberpots
<Albacore> Comrades! One of our own has been attacked! Will we stand for this?
<CapAlert> yes
* CapAlert stands
* CapAlert applauds
<CapAlert> huzzah!
* Flippy staggers southward. The sheep, it seems, is sleeping
<xengar> d00ds, you were all hot for going south after the band
<xengar> let's move on out
<CapAlert> oh sure, but the monk had pr0n
<xengar> besides, your elf dudette is that way somewhere
* CapAlert starts south-y
<Surley> If we talk to the sheep, will they say "baa ram ewe" and explode?
* ErikGreen heads south.
<Ntilde> I'll head south with CAPAlert.
<zompist> ok! south it is!

* Albacore follows the other, although he's still not clear on this South thing.
* Flippy heads south, clutching the sweet booze
<ErikGreen> hey, share flippy.
* Flippy stops to booby trap the sheep on the way
<Albacore> This is like Final Fight.
* Flippy hands out non-sheep-slobbered wine bottles
<zompist> nothing much happens till the next day.

*** Mr-Ben is now known as Stratford
<Surley> what happens the next day?
<zompist> then, suddenly, something happens!

* Stratford runs in, late as usual.
* Albacore ducks.
<Ntilde> The whole day? Did we sleep at night?
<CapAlert> more ducks!
<Flippy> There is a small explosion way back the way we came from.
<zompist> ntilde: yes, you slept well.

<zompist> i know not who with whom.

<Flippy> I was drunk
*** SIGNOFF: zompist!markrose@shell-3.enteract.com (Leaving)
*** SIGNOFF: zompist signed off at 22:49
*** SIGNOFF: xengar!markrose@shell-2.enteract.com (Leaving)
<CapAlert> back to the ham!
<Flippy> Who will command us now?
*** Albacore is now known as DM
<DM> Okay.

*** zompist (markrose@shell-3.enteract.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<BlackDeath> There's a guy in leather sitting in the road a kilometer away
* Flippy finds a piece of ham in his jippers
<DM> Now you're attacked by BACON!

<BlackDeath> There's a guy in leather sitting in the road a kilometer away.
<DM> Oh. nevermind.

*** DM is now known as Lore
<Stratford> Bacon! Where's the bacon?!
<Flippy> But there's bacon!
*** Lore is now known as Albacore
<zompist> the dm types amusingly to no effect before realizing he is dicsconnected

<Flippy> Rag tag adventurers don't know it's not bacon!
* Flippy beats at the bacon with his stolen women's shoes
* ErikGreen parrys the bacon.
<CapAlert> is the leather...black?
<zompist> yeah, black leather

<Flippy> Kilometer north or kilometer south?
<zompist> south

* CapAlert sets his mace to "Wary"
<zompist> if he was north, you'd have seen him already

<Albacore> I thought we didn't use the metric system.
<BlackDeath> the way I'm scouting.
<Albacore> Which way is south?
<zompist> one cemisa, ok, you pedant?

<Flippy> south
* Flippy feasts on bacon
<Surley> did anyone think of casting 'detect evil' on this man?
<CapAlert> well, he's pretty far away
<Albacore> WHo? Zompist?
<zompist> the only one who's seen him is the raven.

* Flippy casts detect evil on the bacon
* BlackDeath reports back to the group about the leather guy.
<Albacore> Was he sweaty?
<CapAlert> He's just sitting there?
<zompist> sitting in the middle of the road.

<CapAlert> Was he davening?
<Surley> was he a gimp?
<zompist> looked quite casual. he was cleaning his fingernails.

<zompist> which were filthy.

<CapAlert> ooh, good eyes there Black
<zompist> they're probably clean now.

* BlackDeath shudders. "Filthy nails. Ew."
<zompist> are you guys walking, or sitting there gabbing?

<zompist> inquiring dms must know

<Surley> we're doing both
<CapAlert> I say we walk south, carefully
<Stratford> I'M walking, yet not gabbing,
<Ntilde> Uh, I'm walking. I'm not going to sit around waiting for something to happen.
* Flippy walks south
<CapAlert> maybe Black should stay up and keep an eye on him
<zompist> xengar: If I could walk that way... (rimshot)

* BlackDeath returns to the sky to keep an eye on the guy in black.
<Ntilde> An eye in the sky? Is this D&D, or the Allan Parsons project?
<Surley> Who here can detect evil.. perhaps they could go ahead and see if this guy is a threat?
* Flippy meets the leather guy and sits down next to him
<Surley> eye in the sky would usually mean beholder
* BlackDeath returns. "Stil sitting there, reading a sporting newspaper."
<Albacore> I approach slowly, from the South.
<Albacore> Detecting evil all the time.
<CapAlert> north, sir
<zompist> ok, enough foreshadowing. you walk till you're just out of sight of him.

<Stratford> "Detroit Tigers lose 19th straight game?!" Who's NOT surprised?
<zompist> there's a little hill between you.

<zompist> what do you do now?

* Flippy emberassingly runs back to hide behind the hill
<Flippy> THROW A WINE BOTTLE AT HIM!
<CapAlert> hm
<Albacore> Is there woods or something I can hide in?
<Surley> We wait and see if Albacore detect any evil on him
* ErikGreen sharpens his sword.
<Stratford> We CLIMB it!
* BlackDeath perches in a tree at the top of the hill, with both parties in sight.
<Albacore> Someone turn me invisible.
* Flippy makes sure it is the sheep-slobber bottle
*** LimePi (~LimePi@pool0491.cvx8-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net) has joined #spinnwebe
* Ntilde casts the invisibility spell on Albacore
<zompist> al, the hill seems to block your detect evil.

<Surley> ahh
<CapAlert> are there tress and stuff along the road, or is it cleared?
<Albacore> Am I invisible?
<Flippy> Detect evil on hill!
* Stratford is armed with his human femur to fight off enemies.
*** SIGNOFF: Photon!somebody@we-66-27-116-16.we.mediaone.net (Connection reset by peer)
<Ntilde> Dunno. Supposedly this spell works.
<Surley> Invisible Albacore, go detect evil on the guy in black leather
<Albacore> Do his pants have the ass cut out?
<zompist> the hill isn't evil

<Surley> use your sneaking skills
<Albacore> If I'm invisible, I go up the hill.
<Stratford> The hill is apathetic.
<zompist> ok, albacore, invisible, moves forward.

<Albacore> I'm not detecting evil on the hill.
<zompist> you walk right up to him, al?

<zompist> or what?

<Albacore> No. I'm getting within detecting range.
<Albacore> And then...I DETECT!
<Flippy> Smash him over the head with your sword!
* CapAlert readies to rush over the hill if necessary
<Albacore> I also check to see if his pants have the ass cut out.
<zompist> ok. you detect the hell out of him. he seems moderately bad, redeemable by the love of a good woman, perhaps.

* Surley prepares for possible battle
<Surley> Albacore: snkkt
* Flippy flexes wine bottle hurling arm
* Stratford takes a swig or five from the bottle.
<Surley> Where's that artist girl.. she seemed reasonably good
<Albacore> Okay. I yell "CHARGE!" and point in his dirtection wiht my sword.
<CapAlert> Cover me
* CapAlert saunters forward
* Flippy charges up hill, waving slobber-bottle
<Albacore> Without, mind you, approaching.
* CapAlert fails to see Albacore point
<zompist> the thief stands up, drops his newspaper, and smiles.

<Surley> we are so definatly chaotic neutral
*** SIGNOFF: LimePi!~LimePi@pool0491.cvx8-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net (feh)
* Flippy viciously attacks newspaper with bottle
<zompist> "a half elf and someone invisible, to start with," he evaluates. "surely there are more?"

* Stratford notices LimePi disappear into another dimension...
<Albacore> Is he a bear?
<Surley> Albacore, you're invisable!
<zompist> "probably that steel-taloned raven i saw just now?"

* ErikGreen looks over the hill, covering the rear.
* BlackDeath stays put under cover of trees.
<Albacore> I can point for me. I like to point. I'm not just pointing for you.
* CapAlert saunters over the hill, trying to look all holy and shit
* BlackDeath joins the guys.
* Stratford is perched on the top of the hill.
<zompist> "come on, all of you, let's see you. no need for figthing."

<Ntilde> How does he know that Albacore is invisible? I saunter into hearing range, but not within the guy's sight.
* Flippy has been tackled by a puppy and is out of it for a bit
<Albacore> Dammit, you're lamers.
<zompist> stratford? where the hell did he come from?

<Albacore> I charge.
* ErikGreen steps out, sword still drawn.
* Surley crouches and waits
<Albacore> Shouting in a holy manner.
<BlackDeath> cap's a dwarf, isn't he?
<zompist> ntilde: because he shouted

<Albacore> Also, I yell.
* Stratford has a white-knuckle tight grip on his weapon.
<BlackDeath> or who's the half elf?
<Flippy> me
<Albacore> "Repent," yell I.
<CapAlert> Black: Flippy
* Surley clutches his massive pick-axe
<BlackDeath> ah
<Ntilde> Oh, okay. Next time, I'll cast the spell of silence on Albacore.
<Stratford> Lead the way!
<zompist> so, are you all over the hill, or stil lhiding?

* CapAlert sighs, shrugs at Black, and sets his mace to "Pummel"
<Ntilde> OK, OK. I'll come out over the hill and join the fracas.
<BlackDeath> well, some of us have been spotted.
<CapAlert> I'm over, since subtle approach time is passed
<zompist> "before you foolishly attack, gentlecreatures, you might consider something."

<Albacore> I'm over the hill. I'm charging with intent to smite.
* BlackDeath isn't attacking anyone. I'm good for talking.
<Albacore> No! I never consider before foolishly attacking!
<zompist> the man sighs and draws a dagger.

* Surley remains hidden
<CapAlert> wait a sec....what are you saying, hopefully straight man in black leather
<Albacore> It's not my bag, you dig!?
* Stratford grabs a handful of dirt and throws it.
<Albacore> Am I within smiting range, yet?
<CapAlert> oh well
<zompist> alba: yes.

<Albacore> Good. I smite.
<Albacore> Tell me when he's smitten.
<zompist> yes! you smite!

<zompist> or try to!

* CapAlert says a quick prayer, and heads into the fracas
* BlackDeath whips a dirt clod at the back of Albacore's head. "For pete's sake, tunahead!"
<zompist> however, unexpectedly, he jumps sideways and is not smitten.

* Surley thinks to himself.. 'hmm.. he probably has back up.. he was talking to someone.. perhaps I should sneak across and scout to see if I could find them?'
<Albacore> back me up, people. There's no "I" in "Party of Adventurers."
<zompist> heh

* Stratford has Albacore's back.
<Albacore> Well, I try again.
<Ntilde> Oh, okay. I'll cast a magic missile spell at him.
<Albacore> Only this time, I try to do in successfully.
* Surley sneaks around the battle
* BlackDeath has a position kinda to the side, watching with an embarrassed air.
* CapAlert sends the Fernbar golem around to watch for ambush
* zompist looks up people's damn character classes
<Albacore> Though I may die, I will go to my creator happily, knowing that it is for a good cause.
<Albacore> Randomly hitting people.
<zompist> capalert thoroughly misses

* CapAlert sets mace to "NotFuckingMissNextTime"
* ErikGreen attacks quickly with his sword.
<Albacore> If you want, oh naughty one, you can go ahead and explain why we shouldn't hit you as we hit you.
<Stratford> I will beat you half to death with my human femur!
* Surley sees the golem waiting for ambush and decides that that should be enough. Surley Yells a battle cry and attacks with hope of disabling the man in black, so he could tell what he knows to us at a later time when he's all tied up
* Flippy sends a drunk puppy off and resumes attackign the newspaper
<zompist> the man whips out a dagger and injures capalert with it (4 hp damage)

<CapAlert> (and people called /me/ bloodthirsty...)
* Flippy flings wine bottle at man's head
* ErikGreen attacks with a swing of his sword.
* Stratford kneecaps the man with the femur.
* Flippy shreds newspaper in the frenzy of battle
* Surley wields the dire flail and attempts to knock the man on his dagger arm hard enough to make him drop it
<zompist> the man is admirably dextrous, avoids all these hits except one minor blow from surly

<zompist> who however gets nicked by the man'

<zompist> 's dagger (1 hp)

<BlackDeath> "So, um, anything we can help you with, sir?"
* Stratford leaps on the man's back and wrestles him to the dusty trail...
<Albacore> I vow something.
* Flippy runs in for a few cheap kicks
* Surley uses his pickaxe to try and snak the man's legs out from under him
<Surley> snag, even
* ErikGreen throws Flippy at the man in black.
<Ntilde> What's this guy got that we need?
<Surley> information
<Flippy> A release of tension?
<Flippy> He knows where Elfstar is
<Surley> that, too
<Albacore> We can get information from him when he's dead.
* CapAlert puts away his mace
<CapAlert> I see this battle will server none of us
* Flippy gives the leather man a wedge
<Stratford> NO, Albacore! He must be alive to get information!
<CapAlert> er, serve
<Flippy> sever
<zompist> surley manages to get a good hit in on the chap.

<Albacore> Nonsense. I'm sure he writes things down.
<zompist> on the chaps, in fact, as his pants are leather

<Albacore> He probably has a "to-do" list or something.
<Albacore> I'm still hitting.
<ErikGreen> shopping list!
* Flippy wallops man with dead women's shoes
<zompist> albacore mightily misses

<CapAlert> "_ Buy new dagger _ Get more leather cleaner _ Betray and kill party of ragtag adventurers"
* Surley holds his pickaxe ready to pierce his skull and loudly demands the man to surrender!
* Stratford goes to strike the man in the head with the human femur.
* Flippy steals the man's to do list
* Ntilde parries, or whatever the hell it is that magic users do when they don't have good weapons
<Albacore> I continue to hit until I do so successfully so let me know.
<Stratford> Nice, Flippy, you're a real asset to our group.
* CapAlert holds his holy symbol out and prays for oeace
<CapAlert> peace
<zompist> the guy wallops flippy on his big empty head (2 hp)

* CapAlert prays for fewer typos
* Flippy stumbles off
<ErikGreen> snkkkt
<zompist> the guy tries to attack alba and misses

* Flippy finds the drunk puppy again
<zompist> dumb guy

* ErikGreen goes in to stab him yet again.
* Stratford sarcastically advises Flippy to steal the man's wallet.
<Flippy> I'm ten feet down the road with a barfing canine.
<Flippy> I'm not going back in there.
* Surley does some nifty nunchuck action with his dire flail and tries to whack the guy in the head so he'd loose conciousness
<zompist> albacore manages to stab the man, though not vitally

<BlackDeath> "So, really, anything we can help you with? Latte? Eyeball?"
<Albacore> Hey, good.
<Albacore> I'm working on it.
* Stratford inflicts more damage on the stab wound.
* Flippy flings drunk puppy into the fight
<Albacore> I continue in that vein.
<zompist> you try, but the man's dagger finds one of yours

<Albacore> But I try it with a cool spinning-around jedi movement.
<zompist> isn't that clever? 4 hp damage and a lot of messy blood

* CapAlert casts cure on Albacore
* BlackDeath steps into the woods for a moment for a potty break.
<zompist> i don't think you can do that in a melee

<Flippy> Jedi moves aren't a garuntee for success
<CapAlert> oh
* ErikGreen tries to cover Alba.
* Ntilde fills in the magazine subscription cards with the guy's name
<BlackDeath> Me or cap?
<Stratford> His name is...Johnny Cash?
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<CapAlert> both
* Surley tries again tho whack they guy in the head with his flail
<BlackDeath> No, I'm not in the melee. I'm still over here.
<BlackDeath> Watching.
<Surley> hey wabe
* CapAlert sighs, and pulls out the mace again
<Albacore> Can we get some magic over here?
* Flippy sits by the road and reads monk porn
<zompist> he evades all your blows except albacore's

<CapAlert> heya wabe
<wabewalkr> Oh, the D&D thing is still going on?
<zompist> yowzuh

<CapAlert> yeah, sorry
* Flippy smacks man over the head with rolled up monk porn
* CapAlert tries real hard to sound sincere
<Flippy> "DIE ALREADY!"
<wabewalkr> No prob. I'll come back when sanity has been restored.
* Stratford again attempts to kneecap the man in black.
<CapAlert> in 2004?
<Flippy> 3004
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<Albacore> I'll keep whacking away. Maybe I'll feint or something.
<zompist> surly ends up on the wrong side of a dagger. 3 hp

<CapAlert> ok, so I'll help with the whacking
<Surley> dang it!
<Surley> That's it!
* ErikGreen goes in and slashes and dices.
<Albacore> There's like whole bunches of us.
<zompist> jeez, albacore is getting all the good rolls. he hits the guy again

<Albacore> We should be able to take him down.
<Stratford> Let's dogpile him!
<maime> I'm gonna laugh when he kills you all.
*** hockeyfag (~stud@nic-167-c199-96.mn.mediaone.net) has joined #spinnwebe
* Flippy grabs a knee and bites
* Surley holds the flail in the left hand and the pick axe in the right and opens up a (figurative) can of whoopass!
<Albacore> It's due to clean living and a holy nature. I try to get a gut shot in.
<zompist> funny you should say that, erik. he swipes at you with a dagger, connects. (2 hp)

* Ntilde casts his last magic missile spell on the guy
<zompist> however, you manage to get a piece off him while he's injuring you

<Stratford> Get that dagger away from him!
<zompist> ok! boom! one of the magic missiles bursts nicely on his head. he looks dazed a moment.

* Flippy kicks him in the nuts
* CapAlert helpfully reminds NTilde about the auto-hit nature of Magic Missile
<CapAlert> yay
<ErikGreen> woohoo!
* Surley whack him on the head with the flail while he's dazed
* BlackDeath returns from her break with a piece of chocolatepie and hands the DM a piece.
<zompist> albacore, overachieving as always, gets a solid swipe in

<CapAlert> GET 'IM!
* Flippy kicks him in the nuts again
* Stratford violently tackles the man while he's dazed.
<zompist> yum!!!

* CapAlert sets the mace to "SUBDUE"
<hockeyfag> ummm..do I want to know what I walked into?
<Surley> "Subdue the enemy!"
* ErikGreen goes in, bleeding all over the man while swiping.
* Flippy steals his wallet and his women's undies
<zompist> the femur bounces off the guy's armor

<Stratford> KILL!! KILL!! KILL!!
<Albacore> And you guys said I was repulsive, useless, and likely to wake up with a dog's dick in my mouth.
<CapAlert> hock, we're beating up a guy in black leather
<hockeyfag> ah
<CapAlert> We may use you in his interrogation
* Flippy checks on where the drunk puppy went off too
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<zompist> surley connects, but he hasn't concentrated his ji enough, and does little damage

<zompist> the guy looks fairly weak now, but he's still pissed

* Stratford engages the man in hand to hand combat.
* Flippy flings his wallet into a ditch
* Surley whacks him again with the flail while screaming "FUCKING SURRENDER ALREADY!"
<Albacore> Ji?
<zompist> he evades strat AND flippy and hits albacore for 2 hp

<Surley> Ji.. like Chi, but for dwarfs
<Albacore> Surrender now, while you still have a chance that we might stop attacking!
<zompist> ji, chi, same diff

<spinn> well this is sorta working, lessee
<Albacore> What about chai?
<zompist> "it's not going as well as i'd hoped," he admits, "but my instructions didn't include surrendering."

<Albacore> I focus my chai.
<Stratford> Surrender now, or we'll end up killing ourselves while killing YOU!
<Surley> "Instructions from who!?"
<Albacore> Did you instructions specifically include dying?
* ErikGreen goes in one more time fling around blindly.
<zompist> he nicks a little more (1 hp) off surley

<ErikGreen> flinging too.
* Flippy runs off into the woods to help the drunk dog pee without dying
<Flippy> bbiam
* Stratford tosses the femur at the hand with the dagger.
<zompist> the guy thinks a moment, then dashes out of the melee.

<Surley> "Son of a Halfling!"
* CapAlert takes a swing, hoping to knock him out with the BLUNT wqeapon
* Surley throws his pickaxe as accuratly as he can
<zompist> he's in the bushes somewhere off the side of the raod, but you don't see him

<Albacore> No, I said "surrender," not "run"!
<Surley> ..into the bushes
* BlackDeath calls after him. "Anything we can do for you?"
<Albacore> I chase after him.
* Stratford leads the charge after the man.
<Albacore> BlackDeath, try and spot him.
* Surley chases after the man
<CapAlert> um
<Surley> Albacore, you still invisible?
<Stratford> He dropped his dagger!
* BlackDeath launches herself skyward and searches.
<zompist> capalert gives him a nasty knock with his mace

<CapAlert> have Fernbar track him
* Stratford snatches up the dropped dagger.
<zompist> can't see through the trees, blackdeath

<zompist> no, he didn't drop his damn dagger

<zompist> he's wounded, but not stupid

* Surley tries to follow the trail of blood
<zompist> ok, you find him

<zompist> "can't we just get along?" he asks

<ErikGreen> um, no.
<Surley> "Sure.. now where is Elfstar?"
* ErikGreen slashes him yet again.
<CapAlert> Waitwaitwait
<Albacore> I check to make sure he's still evil.
<CapAlert> guys
<Stratford> "Erik! Maybe he has something to tell us!"
<CapAlert> in-terr-o-gate
<zompist> 'sok, erik misses

<zompist> he's no eviller and no gooder than before, alba

* BlackDeath starts throwing dirt clods at her party members again.
<BlackDeath> "Will you STOP?"
* Ntilde asks what his deal is
* Surley holds Erik back
* ErikGreen growls...
<zompist> alba, are you attacking or wimpily talking?

<zompist> not to influence you

* CapAlert casts Cure at Albacore, while striking up conversation with the leather guy
<Surley> "Care ful, man! If you don't tell us what you know, I'll use this on you" Surley sais while shaking a disturbed Erik
<Albacore> Okay. I'll wait.
<zompist> no, i need to know if alba is attacking. it makes a lot of difference to whether there's any conversation happening

<zompist> ah thanks

<Albacore> But I get dibs on the killing if it comes to that.
<CapAlert> ok, deal
<Ntilde> I ask what he's doing here.
<Albacore> Okay, you scum. Tell me this!
<BlackDeath> "Have you seen a half elf come this way?"
<Albacore> Do you have any to-do lists?
<zompist> "i was waiting for you, dipshits."

<Surley> Alba, was just scanning for evil?
* CapAlert decides too many other people are talking to the guy, and goes and sits with Black
<Surley> "What for, dirtwad?"
<Ntilde> "Waiting for us? Why?"
* BlackDeath offers Cap a slice of pie.
<Albacore> Hey, now. Don't swear at the holy.
<zompist> "to give you a message."

<Albacore> We weren't the ones wearing homoerotic clothing and being somewhat evil.
<Stratford> "What is the message?"
* CapAlert bets BlackDeath on whether or not someone gets a chamberpot poured on them
<Surley> "Okay.. what message?"
<Ntilde> "Oh. Why didn't we ask earlier? What's the message?"
*** SIGNOFF: PyroP!syntax@syr-24-95-184-57.twcny.rr.com (syntax: Leaving)
* BlackDeath has a flashback and edges farther away from the group.
<zompist> "isn't it more pleasant when we parley like honest men, not that that's what we are?"

<CapAlert> It's fun to pretend!
<zompist> "you fighting people are so impetuous."

<Surley> "I'm an honest dwarf.. honest and angry dwarf.. go on"
<zompist> the guy knows a lot of two-dollar words like that

<Ntilde> "Hey, it was their idea, not mine."
<Albacore> That was the message?
<Stratford> "We sometimes like to spill blood mindlessly."
* CapAlert tosses the leather guy a flask. "So what's your name?"
<zompist> "yeah, yeah. well, as your mostly-orc doofball said, i wasn't sent here to die."

* ErikGreen growls again...
<zompist> "though i will if necessary."

<Albacore> ...or convenient...
<Ntilde> "How many sides were on the die?"
<zompist> "i was sent to warn you away. i guess the intimidation factor is a bit low right now though."

<Surley> "Well, we're not killing the messenger... right now, anyways.. what's the message?"
<Surley> "Warn us from what?"
<Albacore> I gotta warn you, right now your die-o-meter is heading into the red.
<Albacore> Warn us away from what?
<zompist> "the message is, stay away from elrei, or you'll get hurt."

<Albacore> From whom was the message?
<zompist> "hurt much more than your elf is already, was the particular kicker."

<Albacore> How could we get hurt?
<Ntilde> "The hell if I know where Elrei is."
<Albacore> What's an elrei?
<Surley> "And why would we get hurt?
<Albacore> And where's that to-do list?
<CapAlert> but we just want to give Elrei what we owe them!
<Ntilde> "Yeah! Where /is/ our elf, anyway?"
<zompist> "really? how much do you owe them?"

<CapAlert> a lot
<Stratford> "Elrei must be exterminated, with blood staining the lands!"
<Surley> hush!
<ErikGreen> grrrrrr...
<CapAlert> He means "We gotta pay them, and stuff"
<zompist> "'cos hell, if it's that..."

* Flippy wanders into the melee. "His list said he was to buy pie and warn us off!"
<zompist> the guy thinks.

<Flippy> "Too late."
<Albacore> Who gave you the message, scumbag? Huh, dirtsack? Tell us that, lambchop!
<CapAlert> "Maybe book them for a gig"
<zompist> "no, you're right. better not give the money to me."

<zompist> "you're sending some real mixed messages here, folks."

<Albacore> Cough up the info, puff daddy!
<CapAlert> it's an adrenaline thing
<Surley> We owe Elrei some money for a gig they did. They ran off, seemingly in a bit of trouble before we could pay them. Our contract demands that we pay them"
<Albacore> Tell us what we need to know, honey pie!
<Flippy> And smack them around a bit!
<Albacore> You have lovely eyes.
<zompist> "our information is that you're out to loot the band. if you can. the gig at fred's bar, you know."

<zompist> "don't play coy, i was there."

<CapAlert> oh, that.
<CapAlert> well, see, that was a big misunderstanding
<zompist> "there wasn't any talk of giving us things then."

<Surley> We don't want to loot the band.
<zompist> "them, i mean."

<CapAlert> we said "Root for the band"
<CapAlert> not loot
<zompist> heh

<CapAlert> easy mistake to make
*** SIGNOFF: hockeyfag!~stud@nic-167-c199-96.mn.mediaone.net ([x]chat)
<Albacore> WHO GAVE YOU THE MESSAGE?
<Surley> hush!
<zompist> "heh. and the reward for returning fred's bimbo?"

<zompist> "not interested in that at all?"

<Flippy> I am!
<CapAlert> oh, well, sure.
<zompist> "i understand you set a duck on fire, too."

<CapAlert> who wouldn't be
<Surley> mmm.. bimbo
<CapAlert> Wew thought the duck was a kitten
<Albacore> Where's Elfstar?
<CapAlert> s/Wew/we/
<zompist> "yeah, yeah. well, like i say, the message was 'stay away or you might get hurt.' let's consider it delivered, if not believed."

<Surley> He's insane. I mean who in their right mind would set a duck on fire.. and anyone who sets a kitten on fire should ahve a pickaxe slammed through their skull
<zompist> the guy thinks some.

* Flippy smacks Leather-man in the back of the head
<Albacore> Why should we believe you?
<CapAlert> well, if we stay away, we might stiull get hurt. We could slip in the shower or something
<CapAlert> it's a rough world
<Albacore> Or we could choke when feeding on your steaming entrails.
<CapAlert> c'mon, would a cleric like myself lie to you?
* CapAlert looks pious
<zompist> flippy fails to recall that the man is still armed, and of a higher level than he

<Albacore> Unless we chew them really well.
* Flippy hides behind albacore
* Stratford restrains Flippy with a boot to the neck.
<zompist> he twists to avoid flippy, and gives him a nice welt on the arm (2 hp) for his trouble

<CapAlert> hey, nice move there
<Albacore> Ooh! Ooh! That's it!
<Albacore> I'm back in the fray.
* CapAlert rolls his eyes
* Surley holds back Albacore
<zompist> "do you always let your dwarf dictate your moves?"

<Albacore> He's obivously breaking the bounds of parley or something.
<Albacore> Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
<zompist> "oh, sorry, half-elf."

* CapAlert whaps Flippy with his mace
* Flippy screams wildy and kicks Stratford in the knee
<Surley> Yes he does
<CapAlert> nicely
<zompist> er, surly, how hard are you holding onto albacore?

<Flippy> I was hiding like a coward, not attacking you goons!~
<CapAlert> in a love-tap kind of way
<Surley> very
<CapAlert> anyhow
<Stratford> "Um, ouch."
<zompist> ok, for the moment, yhou succeed in restraining albacore.

<Surley> I'm trying to talk to this man
<Albacore> I'm trying to gain some XP and make the planet nicer.
<Surley> "So how did you get in with Elrai?"
<zompist> "the problem, really, is that there's too damn many of you. i see that now. we were arrogant."

<CapAlert> "Can we try out?
<Surley> You'll gain some XP when we encounter some truly evil badnasty
* Flippy starts a fire. With Stratford's spare undioes.
* ErikGreen has a martini to calm down.
<Albacore> If you're not part of the lynch mob, you're part of the problem.
<CapAlert> snkkt
<zompist> "you're not exactly on the way to making friends with the band."

<Stratford> "Where was the band last seen?"
<zompist> "attacking me, for instance. for goodwill, that was right out."

<CapAlert> well, see, it's a whole Random Acts Of Violence thing that some of us are into
<Albacore> You know, if this guy was an orc, you'd have jumped him.
<zompist> "last seen? hmm. personally, i saw them in vyat last week. they fuckin rocked."

<CapAlert> well, sure
<Flippy> We DID jump him!
<Surley> Fine, truth is, all we want is just our money back.. they could keep the rest of the stuff they 'earned' at the gig. Oh, and the bimbo. Sound reasonable?
<Stratford> "Who was the opening act(s)?"
<Albacore> that's not the point!
<Flippy> Well, we advanced slowly then attacked
<zompist> "band named southwind. they sucked."

* BlackDeath offers him a friendly piece of pie.
<Surley> Yea, we're all touched by chaos
<Albacore> I'm just saying, that when the (3/5) orc wants to attack the HUMAn, then everyone holds me back.
<Stratford> "Yes, they're on par with Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park."
<Ntilde> Southwind? Was this a Kansas tribute band?
<CapAlert> ...the human that probably could kick our asses
* ErikGreen offers the guy a martini.
<Surley> Heh, With a name like Southwind, they gotta suck
<Albacore> We were doing great! We were hurting him! We made him run!
<zompist> the guy rolls his eyes. "yeah, like that band of limpdicks is worth imitating."

<ErikGreen> snkkkkt
* Flippy wonders when the killing will start again
<Albacore> And NOW look what you've gotten us into! EXPOSITION!
<Stratford> "You should really get that stab wound treated...you're gushing blood!"
<Surley> Sigh
<zompist> the guy mockingly hums "wayward son"

<Surley> snkkt
<zompist> "oh. your elf."

<Surley> yea, you seen her?
<CapAlert> yeah
<zompist> "look. we got a problem."

<Stratford> "You'll have to excuse Flippy."
<Flippy> "Too much exposition."
* Albacore goes off and sulks as only halfbreed orcs can sulk.
<CapAlert> see, that's the whole thing. We're all cranky because ourt cycles are synched, and we miss our elf
<zompist> "you kill me, you probably don't find her. that's kind of bad for you guys."

<Flippy> Hey, I'm just sitting here at a fire made of burning undies
<ErikGreen> kill?
* ErikGreen growls again.
<zompist> "at least, so we assumed, though the logic didn't seem to hold to you guys."

<zompist> "er, so they assumed."

<CapAlert> logic?
*** spinn (spinn@216-80-13-106.d.enteract.com) has left #spinnwebe
<CapAlert> what is this lo-jik of which you speak?
<zompist> "so, i want to get out of here alive. not followed. also, not dead."

<Albacore> My thought is that if we kill you, we can find her FASTER.
<Surley> yea, we have a problem with this thing you call logic, but what the hey..
<Ntilde> "We want Elfstar back!"
<BlackDeath> So, do you have Elfstar? Or do you just know where she is?
<Flippy> Fire!
<zompist> "yeah, i tied her up comfortably."

<CapAlert> oh
<CapAlert> any pics?
<Flippy> Give!
<zompist> "she'll be fine if she's found within a few days."

<Albacore> That's awful! You tied up one of our comrades and...what kind of rope did you use?
<zompist> "hemp."

<Flippy> Was she wearing leather?
<Albacore> And, how many?
* Surley calls BlackDeath off away from prying eyes to explain a plan
* ErikGreen wants that hemp rope!
<CapAlert> Hey, I'll tell ya what. You tell us where she is, and, well, we'll, um, give you this bottle of finest scotch!
* CapAlert holds up the bottle of acid
<Albacore> Was this just a hand-and-foot job, or did you wrap them all around her supple body?
* BlackDeath goes aside with Surley
<zompist> "elves are hard to keep tied up, as i'm sure an orc knows."

* Flippy holds the drunk puppy over Stratford's head and shakes widly
<zompist> "you're mostly orc, aren't you?"

<Flippy> shakes it wildly
<zompist> "like, what, 3/4?"

<Ntilde> "Was she making misspellings?"
* ErikGreen is %100 Dwarf.
<Albacore> PRetty close. Can we kill you now?
<zompist> "not if you want your elf back."

<Surley> "I'll borrow Ntilde's invisibility scroll and turn you invisible and once the man is released, you use your raven sences to follow him to his lair. Then you tell us where it is and we rescue Elfstar. Sounds good?" He whispers
<Albacore> Look, there's no way you can be a help to us with the elf.
<Albacore> Because if you tell us where she is, we won't believe you.
<Stratford> "We'll give you Flippy for the girl."
<zompist> "fuck your elf," he explains. "she's my ticket out of here, is all."

<CapAlert> oh
<Albacore> And if you go with us, I'll kill you once we find her.
<Albacore> So let's just kill you now.
<BlackDeath> "He can see through invisibility, Surley."
* CapAlert repeats his offer of "scotch
* ErikGreen growls again and pulls his sword.
<ErikGreen> fucker.
<zompist> "i tell you where she is, you kill me or follow you."

<Albacore> What?
<zompist> "er, follow me. that was confusing, eh?"

* Albacore scratches his warty head.
<Stratford> "Folks, let's just FOLLOW him."
<Albacore> Right. You die either way.
<Albacore> So there's no reason you're going to tell us.
<Albacore> So this is just a stalling tactic.
<Flippy> Just follow the fucker already!
<zompist> "oh, fuck it. she's under the bridge over at chuza."

<CapAlert> yeah, let's, uh follow
<Albacore> Okay.
<Albacore> Now what?
<Surley> "BlackDeath, he only saw through the invisibility after Alba screamed 'Charge' and attacked, dropping the invisibility spell" (Invisibility spell aparrantly wears off if there's combat, at least Surley perceived so)
<Albacore> We know where she is, SUPPOSEDLY.
<CapAlert> how far away is that?
<ErikGreen> can i attack him now?
<ErikGreen> or no?
<Flippy> What direction is Chuza?
<CapAlert> no
* Flippy draws back sword millimeters from man's face
<zompist> chuza is 2 hours away. south.

<Albacore> Which way is south?
<zompist> well, kind of west-southwest at this point.

<BlackDeath> "Er, no, he pretty much pointed out that he saw the invisible guy."
<CapAlert> ok, Black, go check
<CapAlert> we'll wait here with Wonderkind
* BlackDeath heads south.
* Flippy runs west-southwest, screaming and waving his hands
<zompist> the guy knocks flippy's sword away with his dagger

<Albacore> Can I attack now?
<Stratford> "We can follow the expressway if we wanted to."
<Flippy> See above
<Surley> no attacking. The nice man gave us the directions to Elfstar. If she's there, we'll let him go after we take him along with us. If she's not, we make it hurt."
<BlackDeath> Or, west-southwest.
<zompist> "what makes you think i'm going with?"

<CapAlert> you're not
<CapAlert> you're staying right here till Black gets back
<zompist> "i'm not tied up here, i'm sitting looking at you with a fine dagger."

<BlackDeath> How long by how the raven flies? :)
<Albacore> You see? He WANTS to fight.
<zompist> "and you've all but said you'll kill me anyway."

<Albacore> Killing him would be a mercy.
<CapAlert> I did not! I offered you, uh, scotch
* ErikGreen is with albacore.
<Flippy> DOGPILE!
<zompist> "see, killing me is just not good as motivation."

<Albacore> Okay, that's three.
* Flippy sneaks back, grabs sword and half empty wine bottle and heads off to get something drunk
<Albacore> I'm going back in with the sword.
* Stratford calls for temporary peace treaty.
<zompist> surley, are you still holding him?

<zompist> or trying to?

<Surley> "Well, I think we can let you live if Elfstar is there.. also if you know any particular monsters we can slay and treasure we can obtain.. that would be a plus."
<zompist> "oh, sure. go to erruk."

* CapAlert looks at Erik
* BlackDeath scouts the terrain as well as she flies straight for Chuza.
<Surley> zomp, he went off to sulk and I was talking to BlackDeath
<zompist> "all the fuckin monsters you fighting types could ever want."

<zompist> oh right.

<Albacore> I wouldn't trust this guy to give us directions to the bathroom.
<zompist> so, are you 3 attacking?

<Albacore> He's wearing BLACK LEATHER.
<Albacore> What more do you need?
<Surley> so does trinity
*** mdxi (~mdxi@mdxi.hom.net) has joined #spinnwebe
<Surley> and Morpehus
<CapAlert> mmm...Trinity
<Albacore> Plus, he scans at least partially evil.
<Flippy> I'm getting a baby orc drunk in the woods. I'm not attacking
<Surley> partially.. there's a chance he might go good.. maybe if he went to be reformed by monks
<Albacore> Flippy wimped out.
<zompist> just need to know if we're meleeing here.

<Albacore> So? There's a chance the sun will explode. I'm a paladin, not a bookie.
<Surley> True...
<Albacore> I won't attack. Yet.
<zompist> the sun explodes!

* Flippy swings in on vine, heading straight for somebody or other
<Stratford> "We're dead."
<zompist> it's a nuclear explosion! hydrogen is turned into helium!

<Surley> The exploding sun does 1d1 damage
<zompist> well, actually it's been exploding all along.

<Albacore> Does my voice get all squeaky?
<Flippy> Just when i gained courage the sun goes nova.
<zompist> i just wanted to say "the sun explodes".

<Surley> it's was a tiny sun, about the size of a goose egg
<Ntilde> Whew. Thanks for the clarification.
* Flippy is swinging straight at ambigously gay leather guy
<zompist> never mind. it's always exploding, that's how suns are. forget it.

<Albacore> Okay. Here's the deal.
<zompist> oh, flippy.

<Albacore> Any weaponsplay, I'm in ther swinging. This is everyone's last warning.
<zompist> too late

<Albacore> Too late what?
<zompist> flippy swings at the guy, who swings back and chops off slippy's arm.

<zompist> flippy's.

<Surley> okay Elfstar's in Chuzza and monster and danger is in Erruk
<Flippy> Aaahh!
<Albacore> Okay, NOW I'm attacking.
<zompist> 1 hp left for flips

* ErikGreen jumps in with albacore!
* CapAlert sits down under a tree and eats his pie
<Stratford> "Can we kill Flippy now? Please?"
<Albacore> See/ All you pacifism just got Flippy's arm chopped off.
* Flippy pulls out Stratford's wine bottle, sterilizes the wound and jabs it in the underwear fire for three seconds.
* Stratford joins Erik and Albacore in the attack.
<Surley> I would have chopped off his arm myself
* Flippy then faints, well out of the way
<Albacore> Okay! Now we're talking!
<Albacore> Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
<zompist> no you're not, you're fighting.

<zompist> or were. you win.

<Albacore> That was quick.
<Albacore> I loot!
<Albacore> I loot with a fury!
<Flippy> I snore!
* Surley sighs, but looks at interest for possible items that'll help the party
<zompist> well, he was just a couple of good sword-strokes away from death, and you provided that.

<Flippy> There's a discarded arm over there
<Surley> It's all yours, Flippy
<Albacore> See? If we just did this from the beginning, we wouldn't have to know any information!
<Albacore> Is there anything on the leather body?
<Albacore> I search it real good.
<Stratford> His wallet!
<Flippy> I threw the wallet into the ditch!
<Albacore> Do those pants look like they'd fit me?
<Stratford> "The man's name was Johnny Cash...stupid name."
* Flippy is unconcious with abandon
<zompist> he has on him: two comp tickets to elrei's next show in buyel; a good dagger; a membership card in the docks quarte association; ten gold pieces; a sporting newspaper; lunch

* CapAlert finishes his pie, and puts a tourniquet on Flippy's stump
<Surley> Anyone want to heal Flippy? Going once, twice....?
<Albacore> What's for lunch?
<Stratford> "Let him die, Surley!"
<Flippy> Shit, I'm fucked
* ErikGreen takes the dagger and the ticket to the show.
<Ntilde> I don't have a heal spell. Besides, he'll just get into more trouble later on.
* CapAlert lights a small fire and cauterizes Flippy's stump
<Albacore> I'll take the gold and the pants.
<Flippy> Again! Ow!
* Stratford takes the other ticket.
<Flippy> I mean, "Again? Ow!"
<Albacore> Maybe all the woodland creatures he got drunk will help him.
* Surley takes the newspaper and the docks Quarte association card
<Albacore> I'm taking off my pants and putting on his pants.
<Ntilde> I'll take the gold pieces, since no one else wants them.
<Albacore> I already got the gold.
* Flippy drools
<zompist> capalert slips on some leaves and seriously burns flippy

<Surley> whatever the heck a 'Docks Quarte association is'
<ErikGreen> snkkkt
<Surley> heh
<Ntilde> Oh. Never mind.
* Flippy wakes up and flees back to the road, stopping only to get his arm
<Surley> is flippy dead yet?
* Stratford claims Flippy's severed arm as another weapon.
<Albacore> Are my pants off yet?
* Flippy is in a tug of war with stratford.
<zompist> flippy is at 0 hit points.

<Surley> can we use flippy as a weapon?
* Ntilde casts a spell of reading this more carefully
<Albacore> I'm 3/5th orc, but I'm all man.
* Flippy kicks Stratford in the nards and flees to the road with the arm
<zompist> flippy is basically comatose

<Surley> Anyone willing to play Kevorkian with Flippy?
<Albacore> Is that like pinochle?
*** maime is now known as kevorkian
<Stratford> Flippy is departing from the script again.
* Flippy hopes no one will drive a cart over him, him being sprawled in the middle of the road
* kevorkian gives flippy a nice big juicy shot
*** kevorkian is now known as maime
<Surley> snnkt
<zompist> i read that as snot

<Albacore> If Flippy evil?
<Flippy> It doesn't work if you put it in the chopped off arm
<BlackDeath> "Save his eyeballs for me!"
<Surley> BlackDeath, you can eath all of him up
<Surley> eat
<Flippy> I'm still alive, fuckers!
* Ntilde wants it to be noted that if he isn't here, nobody else plays him
<zompist> albacore: your detect evil shrugs helplessly.

<zompist> heh

<zompist> flippy: not very

<Ntilde> Especially not someone who's going to attack with reckless abandon.
<zompist> he mostly attacked with a sword

<Albacore> Is there such a thing as careful abandon?
<Flippy> There's a script?
<Albacore> ".....yay?"
<zompist> oh, btw, the docks quarter is basically the thieves' neighborhood in verduria.

<Surley> Hey, Cap. Can ya do me a favor and heal some of my wounds.
<zompist> it's long been suspected that the association is a racketeer-influenced and corrupt organization.

<Albacore> Okay. I'm sleepy now. I need to go to bed shortly.
<Flippy> If you heal me I won't hide behind people anymore. (That gets them pissed off for some reason)
<Surley> No, it wasn't the hiding behind people
* CapAlert cures Surly
<Flippy> Was it flinging the wine bottles at the enemy?
* BlackDeath pauses for a short rest break after the first hour of flight.
<Surley> Thank ya
<zompist> are you people just sitting here? or heading somewhere?

<CapAlert> waiting for Blackdeath to get back
<zompist> and are you going to bury this poor guy?

<Flippy> I'm sprawled in the middle of the road.
<CapAlert> fuck him
* BlackDeath is en route to the bridge.
<ErikGreen> to hell with the bugger.
<ErikGreen> he's a shithead.
<zompist> cap: he's DEAD! you PERVERT!

<Surley> Leave him to the birds
<CapAlert> I'm a Cleric, remember?
<BlackDeath> Speaking of which?
<zompist> speaking of birds

<CapAlert> heh
* Stratford knocks out CapAlert for having necrophiliac thoughts.
<Surley> We wait until BlackDeath returns
* Flippy is dreaming of an alternate reality
<ErikGreen> well, do we get any EXP.?
<Surley> Yes
<zompist> here's the deal. i need to discuss with b.d. what she finds in chuza.

<Surley> And we got info on where we can go to get more.. once we rescue Elfstar
<zompist> do you want to play more tonight?

<mdxi> you all get Windows XP.
<Flippy> No body better get any points for attacking me!
<zompist> either way is fine with me.

<maime> I'm going.
<ErikGreen> up to you.
<Albacore> I, personally, need to take the non-dirt nap.
<CapAlert> I think we've caused enough senseless bloodshed for one evening. Plus, Flippy's dead
<Surley> nite aims
*** SIGNOFF: maime!dollasauru@dialupH199.ptld.uswest.net (kiss me goodnite, I'm outta here.)
<Ntilde> zomp: I'm getting kind of tired.
<Flippy> I'm comatose!
*** SIGNOFF: tieboy!notmydesk@user-vcaurfi.dsl.mindspring.com (Ping timeout)
*** SIGNOFF: tieboy signed off at 00:03
<zompist> oh, did someone take the thief's dagger?

<Flippy> I'm pining!
<Surley> Flippy's in a much needed coma
<Ntilde> Besides, we've done enough senseless attacking here.
<ErikGreen> me!
* CapAlert nods at Surly, points to Flippy
<Flippy> bye you people who left
<CapAlert> yeah, I'll grab it. It might be cursed
<Albacore> I don't do daggers. They make me feel all thiefy.
<ErikGreen> i took it, zomp.
<ErikGreen> that and a ticket.
<CapAlert> oh, Erik has it
<zompist> erik said he took it, cap

<ErikGreen> with the lunch.
<zompist> heh. ok, i'll assign experience. rave, stick around. :)

<Flippy> This is gonna be good
<Surley> I already have two good heavy weapons
<Surley> And a few cheapo swords I haven't sold yet
<ErikGreen> all i have is a cheapo sword.
<zompist> and a dagger

<Surley> Erik, you have the dagger now
<Flippy> I have a sword and an arm in my hand
<ErikGreen> as of now.

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!