The Story So Far : Why-a no chicken? (Episodes 52-53)
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[Preparation]
[Suicide Squid]
[What's his mime type?]
[Why orcs avoid living here]
[Why-a no chicken?]
[To catch a thief]
[Rock and Troll]
[How To Be Rutabagan]
[Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun]
[Let Me Entertain You]
[The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone]
[Space Opera Quest!]
[Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?]
[Beware of bears bearing wares]
<zompist> ok... you head into anaseri, orc-less.
<Lobster> No
<zompist> only odd thing you notice here are all the ducks in the streets
<spinn> maybe chamberpot-guy's cousin, cowchip-bullseye, lives in anaseri
<SoiledErik> ducks!
<CapAlert> Are there any raisins?
<sol-D> are the ducks friendly?
* Lobster snaps at fucks
<zompist> the townspeople carefully avoid the ducks, no matter what the ducks are doing
* Lobster ignores the ducks
<CapAlert> OK, helpful hint. Don't kill the ducks
* BlackDeath converses with one of the ducks.
<Surley> Is there a basilisduck?
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<SoiledErik> can i take one as a weapon
<CapAlert> and no nailing their feet to the floor
<sol-D> so if we were to snap this one's neck...
<Surley> or feeding it rasins
<BlackDeath> "Hey, there, duck dude. What's the news? Do you know where I can find a good inn?"
<zompist> you want a duck as a weapon? why a duck?
<CapAlert>
<zompist> oh, i'll let you speak to corvines, blackie, but i draw the line at anatids
<SoiledErik> i dunno.
* SoiledErik sets one of the ducks on fire.
<CapAlert> sigh
<Dodge> Ducks...on fire!
<Lobster> Well, his lobster has achieved independence and a desire for eyes
<zompist> the townspeople look at erik in horror
* Lobster hides in a trough
<zompist> and call out the militia
* Surley heads for the nearest inn
* BlackDeath pretends she doesn't know Erik.
<CapAlert> Hey, we don't really know him. Just a hitchiker we found on the road
* SoiledErik flees
* CapAlert heads for the nearest temple
* Lobster peeks out over the edge of the trough
<Surley> If you find a jewel inside him, it's ours
* BlackDeath whistles tunelessly and follwos Cap to a temple.
<zompist> the militia chase erik out of town.
* sol-D sits
* CapAlert waves at Erik
<CapAlert> buh-bye
<spinn> does he poop a diamond in fear?
<zompist> heh.
<zompist> i dunno. erik, you feeling scared?
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<Lobster> Freedom! Freedom is mine!
<CapAlert> Wow, can you believe that guy? Burning a duck
<zompist> or, you know, full?
<BlackDeath> Some people....
<CapAlert> Amazing
<SoiledErik> scared, kinda.
<Surley> not like it was a kitten or anything
* Lobster plops out and waddles down to the temple
<CapAlert> They should send him the bill for damages
* sol-D gets up!
<Surley> poor duck is now in the ER
<SoiledErik> i'll give them my lobster!
<zompist> the people mutter, but seem to buy erik not associated with you
<CapAlert> GET IT, "BILL"!!!
* sol-D chases after the damned lobster
* Dodge throws something at CapALert
<Lobster> Ow! That hurt.
<BlackDeath> I'll get it in 17 minutes, Cap.
* Ntilde makes a note to kick CapAlert some time when we aren't playing D&D
<BlackDeath> Over.
* Lobster flees into the sewer
* sol-D grabs lobster in the nick of time
* SoiledErik manages to find a small cabin in the woods.
<sol-D> Bua ha!
* Lobster snaps widly, half covered in poo
* BlackDeath looks around. "Nice temple y'all got." She drops some orc gold in the collection box.
<zompist> ok, you people are JUST BEING SILLY
<Lobster> Eh! Let me go, woman!
* sol-D nails the god damned lobster to the floor.
<Lobster> Ooh!
* CapAlert nonchalantly asks a passerby for directions to either an inn, or a temple, whichever's closer
* sol-D draws the lobster
<Lobster> I'll get you my pretty! And your little lobster too!
<Lobster> Wait.
<CapAlert> no, you draw the BUTTER for the lobster
<Surley> 'Home: Where the heart is' is like 'Small cabin in the woods: Unspeakable evil'
<sol-D> Oh, Yes!
<zompist> "there's an inn over there, the Ducky Doodle. and the temple over there isn't bad."
<Lobster> Ahhh! Arseholes!
<Ntilde> Isn't the lobster someone's weapon? Pretty talkative for a weapon there.
<Dodge> Gotta jet.
<aimee> no, you MELT the butter for the lobster.
<Dodge> Have a pleasant tomorrow.
<SoiledErik> zomp, when can i come back to the town?
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<CapAlert> aimee: that's what it's called. Drawn butter
<Lobster> Save me, Erik!
<sol-D> I draw the lobster shell cracking things
<Lobster> They're gonna eat your weapon!
<zompist> you can try anytime
<aimee> yeah, I know.
* Lobster propositions the ducks for help
<SoiledErik> hrm.
<SoiledErik> evil little ducks.
* Surley goes shopping at the stores
<Lobster> I won't poop in your shoes again!
* sol-D wanders into the ducky doodle
<sol-D> (leaving hte lobster for dead)
<SoiledErik> i'll try when it's dark.
<zompist> is there anything you all want to accomplish in town?
* CapAlert decides the Inn has a better chance of having beer, but decides to pay a quick visit to the temple first
<Surley> what's the going rate for a shiney doodad and a bunch of orc swords?
<zompist> we'll go straight to that, and then hang it up for the evening.
<sol-D> I need more bacon
* BlackDeath is chilling in the temple, striking up a conversation with pilgrims.
<BlackDeath> Perhaps someone will let me in on the duck situation.
* Lobster plays dead and talks with the ducks.
<Lobster> They're evil. But they can be bought.
<CapAlert> maybe a little professional courtesy heal for my shoulder, check up on the news in town
<Ntilde> I'd like to buy a large kettle.
<zompist> well, you all soon learn that ducks are sacred animals in anaseri.
<SoiledErik> i found out te hard way.
<Surley> mmm.. sacrilicious
<sol-D> I'd like to sell pictures of the ducks
<zompist> it's paradise for ducks, really.
* BlackDeath debats getting a dye job while in anaseri.
<CapAlert> yeah, despite the fairly subtle hint flung at us
<sol-D> can I do that? like selling bibles
<CapAlert> hehe Yury
* Lobster switches his brain with a suicidal duck.
<CapAlert> Sacred L'Orange
*** Lobster is now known as TheDuck
* TheDuck wanders off to the temple
<BlackDeath> Peking Sacred.
<Ntilde> What about mock duck? What's the story with that?
<CapAlert> well, don't tease them, they're sacred
<CapAlert> geez
<sol-D> brb..
* TheDuck swims around in the holy water
<Surley> zomp, can I afford anything at the stores?
<zompist> nothing much interesting in the temple, but your eyes are caught by a magic user's shop near it
* Surley goes to the magic shop
<CapAlert> Hey! A shop!
<zompist> "Praise the Waterfowl Magic, Ltd."
* TheDuck quacks in suprise
<Surley> It's like being in a mall
<CapAlert> anyone get a credit card off of those orcs?
<Ntilde> I head off to the magic users' shop too.
* BlackDeath takes her potion into the magic shop and looks into getting it appraised.
<TheDuck> Only with no indoor plumbing
<Surley> Yendorian Express card?
* SoiledErik manages at nightfall to sneak into the inn.
<spinn> low odds of getting some good chinese food in this town, I'm guessing
* TheDuck wanders around the shop, abusing his duck priviliges
<CapAlert> s/amanges/tries
<CapAlert> er, whatever
<SoiledErik> what room, number?
<zompist> there's a duck on the counter, and an old man behind it
<zompist> they say that as you get older, you start to look like your duck
<CapAlert> Ask if they have any nails
<SoiledErik> i'll hide behind that pillar over there.
<zompist> it's true that the old man has white fluffy hair, and a beaky nose
<TheDuck> Has Erik found the dead lobster yet?
* Surley browses for cool items
<BlackDeath> "Hello, good sir. Can you identify this strange potion for me?"
<zompist> the old man examines rave's potion.
<aimee> you kids are shopping again?
* TheDuck shoplifts a shiny thingamajig
<Surley> M&D: Malls and Dragons
<zompist> "mind if i take a small sample of it?"
<Ntilde> Any spells for sale here?
<CapAlert> It's Bushmill's!
<zompist> the good ones are fairly expensive, ñ.
<BlackDeath> "If it will help identify it, please do."
<zompist> the man takes a small bit of the sample, puts it in a test tube, runs it through a few incantations
* TheDuck smokes
<zompist> distills some stuff, applies litmus paper, the whole shmear
<TheDuck> Mr. Wizard?
* Surley tries to remember what he knows about magic stores... Rule 1: don't steal anything from a magic store...
<zompist> "young bird, what you have here isn't technically magic at all."
<BlackDeath> Is the duck named "Timmy"?
<Surley> Timmy the duck?
<sol-D> is it soup?
<BlackDeath> "What is it then, sir?"
<zompist> "it's a powerful alchemical substance... some sort of acid."
<Surley> glad you didn't drink it..
<zompist> "don't for the life of you drink it!"
<TheDuck> I'm a duck. This is Anaseri. I'm unto as a god here.
* sol-D punches the duck
<Surley> snkkkt
* BlackDeath pockets the acid vial. "My thanks, alchemist."
<zompist> the old man shows you his litmus paper, which is bright red or bright blue or whatever the hell it's supposed to be.
* zompist is no chemist
* sol-D walks up to the shop owner
<spinn> I would pay a few bucks to see a raven pocket an acid vial
* BlackDeath pretends she's never seen sol-d before.
* TheDuck poops on Sol's shoe and flies off
<CapAlert> too bad Keml- ARGH.
<CapAlert> can't believe I almost said that
<BlackDeath> I have a belt pouchm greg, duh.
<CapAlert> a raven with a belt?
<zompist> "er, yes, young ma'am?"
* SoiledErik sits in the shadows.
<spinn> oh, sorry. belt pouch on your waist. gotcha.
<BlackDeath> More of a harness.
<sol-D> Are there any sort of incantations you could put on my sunglasses here?
<Ntilde> CapAlert: This is alchemy, though. Kemlo does real chemistry. The kind where hydrogen doesn't explode.
* TheDuck flies off to the tavern to get wasted
<CapAlert> oh right
* Ntilde asks the shopkeeper if there are any spells he could buy
<zompist> "there is a mystical spell i could apply, which would protect your glasses against all manner of unsightly scratches."
*** SIGNOFF: CapAlert!leth@64-6-163-131.bos2.phoenixdsl.net (Connection reset by peer)
<sol-D> Hm, yes. I'll take it
<TheDuck> Useless old fart, isn't he?
<zompist> "i see by your outfit that you are a fellow practitioner of the secret art," says the magic-user, conversationally.
<sol-D> could I trade a portrait for the spell?
<Ntilde> "Yes, I am. Kind of a magic-user in training."
* TheDuck talks with the other ducks
* Surley waits his turn to talk to the shopkeeper
<spinn> imagine his embarrassment as he walks into the lecture hall without his duck
<zompist> "and a nearly broke one. so, i think you could afford a scroll or two of these... how you say... first level spells."
<Surley> heh: spinn
<zompist> "can you draw a duck, ma'am?"
<sol-D> I can indeed
<TheDuck> A duck holster?
<Ntilde> "Sure. What kind of first-level spells do you have here?"
<zompist> the magician gladly accepts a portrait of his duck for an anti-scratch guard
* sol-D sits down and draws a duck in about 35 minutes
* TheDuck marches the duck troops up and down Main Street
<sol-D> "Oh Thank you, sir!"
* BlackDeath looks over sol-d's shoulder. "Looks just like him."
<sol-D> Really? I thought the bill was off
<BlackDeath> "Well, it's good for a human."
<sol-D> "er."
<zompist> "i know what you'd like, young man. i have an invisibility scroll at half price; or perhaps a Stinking Cloud."
<spinn> hey, maybe blackdeath could get some kind of Friend To Ducks discount
* SoiledErik slithers around the pillar, staying in the shadows.
* sol-D wanders off to see how much bacon she can get for duck drawings
<Surley> "Excuse me, Mr Shopkeeper, but can you tell me what this shiney doodad is for or how much it's worth?"
<TheDuck> The ducks hold a burial for the lobster found nailed to the ground in time square
<zompist> "oh, pardon me. you're a young elf, not a young man."
<TheDuck> s/time/the
<Ntilde> "I've done enough stinking. I'll take the invisibility spell."
<zompist> "good lord! did you run into orcs?"
<zompist> the m.u. sells you the invisibility scroll
<Surley> "Yes.. "
<Surley> "It was unfortunate"
<zompist> he looks you over carefully.
<sol-D> (are both shiney doodads the same?)
<zompist> "where did you see them
<zompist> ?"
<SoiledErik> *pssst*
<Surley> "Near the river to the north"
<zompist> sol, within the limits of a non-technological society, they look like the same sort of thing
<SoiledErik> *keep him distracted!*
<zompist> "i must tell the militia! orcs on the loose!"
<zompist> he whispers a few words to his duck, who flies off
<Ntilde> "Just down the road a ways. They were keeing Erik a prisoner, so we freed him. Are wandering orcs bad?"
* TheDuck leads the ducks into perching positons all around the magic shop
<zompist> "were you dropped on your head as a young elf?"
<zompist> "this is human country. it's not good news to have orcs wandering around."
<Ntilde> "I fell out of a jungle gym as a kid."
<Ntilde> "But I know someone who has an unnatural fixation with orcs. Some kind of romantic interest, in fact."
<zompist> "in any case, i'm surprised your dwarf friends didn't recognize them. they're machine torches."
<Surley> "Oh, and one more thing if you can. Do you know why this is called a Dire Flail? Is it magic?"
<spinn> oh, I was guessing cellphone and palm pilot
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*** SIGNOFF: aimee!maime@dyn-d082f69a.spiritone.com (Connection reset by peer)
<Surley> "Oh right! It has been so long since I've seen one.."
<Surley> re aims
<maime> re
<zompist> "they seem like magic, but my detect magic fails to detect any of that jive. but they will provide light for an entire week underground."
<zompist> "only the orcs use them... the dwarfs think they're tacky."
<TheDuck> Fruity dwarves
<spinn> "dorin, leave that. it lacks fengshui."
<zompist> heh
<Surley> WE have our hats with lamps built in
<zompist> the magician demonstrates for you the hidden on-off switch
* Surley pulls out his dwarven mining hat, shows it, and puts it back in his pack
<zompist> he turns it on, and it beeps loudly.
<TheDuck> "Lights goes on, light goes off. Light goes on, light goes off."
* Ntilde is entranced, like Opus, and orders five thousand
<TheDuck> Beeep!
<Surley> Beep?
<zompist> "it beeps if there are dwarfs nearby."
<zompist> "there's a volume knob."
<Surley> "ahh..."
* SoiledErik gulps.
* Ntilde comes to his senses and asks for one
<zompist> "remember, their mysterious source of power lasts but a week, when it is used."
* Surley is willing to trade his torch/dwarf detector to Mtilde
<Surley> Dwarves have good night vision
<Ntilde> Trade it for what, Surley?
<zompist> but they tend to have excessive facial hair
<Surley> yea, makes it hard to keep a goatee
<SoiledErik> can i pose as Surley's brother?
<TheDuck> Wouldn't he know or something?
<zompist> you wouldn't fool another dwarf, but humans and elves would probably buy it, erik
<sol-D> isn't the town after you?
<TheDuck> the ducks are
<Surley> "Ntilde, do you know to do an accuracy spell on my pickaxe?"
<SoiledErik> the duck is out.
<TheDuck> The ducks are also after Sol
<sol-D> Why?
<TheDuck> That's why they are surrounding the magic shop
<TheDuck> Because the duck's leader, me, was the Lobster you slayed
<sol-D> I draw them and kill their lobster foes
<Ntilde> "I don't know the accuracy spell yet. But it looks good to me."
* sol-D grabs theduck
<TheDuck> Sol is to be a sacrifice to the Duck Gd
<zompist> (ñ, you could always give him your spell)
<Ntilde> You aren't a criminal or anything, Surley, are you?
<TheDuck> I'm on the roof of the temple outside, Sol
* sol-D waits, then.
<zompist> i think. fighters can use scrolls, can't they?
<Surley> I think so, they just can't use spell books
<Ntilde> Because I don't want to contribute to the delinquency of a miner.
* Surley groans
* Ntilde loans Surley the scroll
<TheDuck> Ooouch
* Surley gives Ntilde the torch
<zompist> "well, if you have nothing else you want me to examine, or that you want me to buy, i must go to city hall."
* TheDuck and the other ducks use a random spell to raise the lobster from the dead. It wanders off to eat other lobsters.
* SoiledErik slides out of the shadows.
<Surley> "Oh, and one more thing if you can. Do you know why this is called a Dire Flail? Is it magic?"
<SoiledErik> hello there.
<zompist> "not that i know of, but we magicians know little of such things."
<Ntilde> "Thank you, most excellent merchant!"
<zompist> "physical weapons... so lowly."
<Surley> "So it is not enchanted?"
<BlackDeath> "Thank you for your assistance, good sir. "
* BlackDeath heads out in search of an inn.
<Surley> "Thank you, sir"
<zompist> "a thorough process of detection would... cost money, young dwarf. but a quick search finds no magic."
* Ntilde thinks about looking for an enchanted card deck, but decides against it
<zompist> ok! right! an inn!
<SoiledErik> me puts on his hooded jacket, and heads out the door.
* Surley heads over to the inn
<TheDuck> And suddenly, the ducks attack Erik!
<spinn> thank god, the plot dev--um, inn!
<TheDuck> Quack!
<sol-D> I hate the ducks B(
* Ntilde heads for the inn and grabs an ineffective -1 Phone Card of Long Distance
* BlackDeath assumes we're going to wrap it up for the night by checking into the inn?
* sol-D sits in the floor
<zompist> yeah, that's a good breaking point.
* SoiledErik still thinks that it's a lobster so he goes along his way.
<TheDuck> They're attacking Erik
<TheDuck> Soiled needs a primitive version of glasses
<SoiledErik> nah.
<TheDuck> The ducks wander off to eat grass and poop
<SoiledErik> you are still a lobster.
<zompist> you find an inn called The Pleasant Poultry and turn in for the night
<sol-D> can we all share beds?
<TheDuck> Hey now!
<zompist> only if you tell me who has sex with who
* Ntilde puts the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door
<TheDuck> I'm poultry.
<Surley> No, you need to pay extra for hawt D&D orgies
<zompist> just so i can assign experience points, you know
<sol-D> anyone?
* TheDuck roosts on the Pleasent Poultry sing
<TheDuck> sign
* sol-D sighs
<BlackDeath> heh, zomp.
* SoiledErik goes into the room with Sol.
<SoiledErik> nothing will happen.
* BlackDeath sticks with her unconscious travel partner, Cap.
<sol-D> I get cold easily. thanks.
<SoiledErik> i need someone else to awnser the door when someone knocks.
* Ntilde thinks about sharing a room with Elfstar, but realizes he'd get the medieval crap beaten out of him for asking
* Surley stands watch.. mostly at accused theif Erik
<sol-D> Surley can come in, too!
<sol-D> it'll be like a sleepover
<zompist> and you've had enough crap for one day
<SoiledErik> well, one day i will prove that i am not as bad as you think.
<spinn> okay, so
<TheDuck> you set a duck on fire!
<spinn> someday I hope to be rich enough to be able to afford something like this too
<spinn> http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/nm/20010305/mdf21644.jpg
<SoiledErik> it was only a duck!
<TheDuck> It was a sacred duck!
<zompist> famous last words... in anaseri!
<Surley> heh
<TheDuck> Spinn wants to buy Michael Jackson?
<Surley> his bones
<SoiledErik> so is that it for the day?
<Surley> okay sleep time now...
<spinn> no, just the surgery. so I can be released from the drudgery of having to raise my hands to point up and to the left
*** Surley is now known as MisterQ
<zompist> yeah, that's it for episodes 46 through 53!
* TheDuck dreams of his days as a lobster, squeezing testes and eating eyeballs
<zompist> thanks, everyone.
<Ntilde> Whew.
*** Ntilde is now known as Elkman
<BlackDeath> thanks, zomp!
*** TheDuck is now known as Lots42
<zompist> sorry you didn't get to kill anyone, soiled.
*** BlackDeath is now known as raven
<SoiledErik> tis okay.
<Lots42> He killed a duck!
*** SoiledErik is now known as SoiledGreen
<sol-D> this was the coolest thing I have ever done. that didn't involve TMR
<SoiledGreen> no, just maimed.
<zompist> ooh, you're right, lots.
<zompist> that's at least .004 of a level
<SoiledGreen> do i get any EXP?
<SoiledGreen> woohoo!
<sol-D> do *I*?
<zompist> i'll work out experience points 'n all later
<sol-D> I kept an orc from dying!
<Elkman> I didn't realize orc presentation was a skill.
<Lots42> So there's a featherless duck wandering around town?
<Down10> How was D&D?
<Lots42> Did you get a chance to witness the uh...selling of stuff and the death of Lobster?
<spinn> hm, speaking of which, let's find a suitable quote here
<Lots42> * SoiledErik sets one of the ducks on fire.
*** spinn has changed the topic on channel #spinnwebe to BlackDeath: Is the duck named "Timmy"?
[Preparation]
[Suicide Squid]
[What's his mime type?]
[Why orcs avoid living here]
[Why-a no chicken?]
[To catch a thief]
[Rock and Troll]
[How To Be Rutabagan]
[Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun]
[Let Me Entertain You]
[The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone]
[Space Opera Quest!]
[Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?]
[Beware of bears bearing wares]