The Story So Far : Why orcs avoid living here (Episodes 46-51, 3/14/01)

 SWHC

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]


<Kyol> DML: Nope.
<zompist> oh, standard d&d
<Thosw> Re Pipples....
<spinn> ah
<Kyol> Ok, level 1 down to a $500 bridge.
<zompist> i invented a magic system once, but that was for a group that ended up not happening.
<zompist> dang. i was eating some candy, and had the candy right here where the dice are.
<zompist> i keep looking at the dice and wanting to eat them.
*** Down10 (~Down10@dsl-64-195-196-153.telocity.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<Photon> jolly rancher dice
<Thosw> Mmmm... boxcars....
<DML> Mmmm... d20
<Thosw> jinx
<zompist> not to take over the channel or anything, but if anyone needs a character or spells who wants 'em, we should do that now
<DML> Nothing says "oral fixation" like roleplaying dice
<zompist> well, they're such cute, edible colors
<Leth> eh, just gimme another cure spell, zomp
<Leth> since noone else really heals
<MisterQ> re all
<Leth> sup q
<sol-D> has it started?
<sol-D> what do i do?
* sol-D panics
<Dodge> I wanna play, too
* Photon hands sol a barf bag
<zompist> sol & dodge, you need some characters
<Leth> good call pho
<Dodge> I have character.
<Leth> could be some penii
<sol-D> characters?
<Dodge> I participated in character building activities as a child.
<kaufman> you and us all
<Leth> I didn't
<Leth> explains a lot, really
<MisterQ> Unless you actually built a character
<sol-D> How do I get a character?
* Dodge gives everybody but Leth and the girls the Boy Scout Salute.
<sol-D> what do i do? I'm so lost
<Kyol> Huh, the first bridge works with 2 spars.
<zompist> first, stop panicking. :)
<MisterQ> hehe
<Down10> oops. I didn't expect to crash a D&D game...
<zompist> nobody expects to crash a d&d game!
* sol-D runs around in circles
<MisterQ> sol, when choosing a character, don't select 'fish'. They tend to die early on during the game
<zompist> among our weapons are rolls for surprise, and rolls for terror!
<MisterQ> We fight with rolls?
<zompist> lessee, who looks like they're not going to be here so someone can re-use their character?
*** DML (dmlaenker@1Cust129.tnt1.norfolk2.va.da.uu.net) has left #spinnwebe
<raven> character sheet url?
*** Elkman (tam@isis.visi.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<kaufman> www.zompist.com/swdd
<Dodge> Hey, can I be a kung-fu guy?
<Elkman> Hey, all.
<sol-D> can I be three inches tall?
<zompist> that would be a fighter. :)
<kaufman> dodge: I think that would be a Monk
<zompist> hiya, elque
<Dodge> Ok, fighter is fine, but I won't use weapons, it's against my beliefs.
<kaufman> ...swdd.html
<Leth> yeah, he's air force
<Elkman> If I get disconnected, it's because this phone card ran out of time. I'l be back if that happens.
<Leth> phone card?
*** raven is now known as Black
*** Black is now known as BlackDeath
<Leth> oh, hey, can I cover the bard character?
<Elkman> Yeah. A long distance phone card.
* kaufman begins to morph
<Leth> I could run him into every fray
<Elkman> Didn't I mention I was going to be on vacation this week?
*** kaufman is now known as Feufmar
<sol-D> I still don't know what to do B(
<zompist> you want to play kemlo's character?
<Feufmar> uh
<Leth> nah, I have my own. Just being a dick
<zompist> if you can stomach it, you're welcome to
*** Feufmar is now known as karnban
<Leth> rrrrrrRRARAAAGAGGGGHHHSCROTUM
<karnban> c'mon
*** Leth is now known as Capalert
*** karnban is now known as Fernbar
<Fernbar> there we go
*** jacquilynne (jacquilynn@morticia01.slip.yorku.ca) has joined #spinnwebe
*** Dodge is now known as DodgetaTravellerFromTheEast
<zompist> dodge, why don't you just play babich's character, flippy the half-elf fighter?
<DodgetaTravellerFromTheEast> Ok
<MisterQ> Are we starting in the middle?
<Capalert> heh
<jacquilynne> Fuck.
<sol-D> and me?
*** DodgetaTravellerFromTheEast is now known as Flippy
* sol-D cries some more
<jacquilynne> The unversity is cancelling my accounts.
<Capalert> for some reason readin 'flippy the half-elf fighter' made me snicker
*** jacquilynne is now known as Elfstar
<zompist> anyone who missed it: http://www.zompist.com/swdd.html
<Flippy> o/` They call me Flippy! Flippy! King of the Sea!
*** Elkman is now known as Ntilde
<zompist> for a recap(alert) and the characters
<Fernbar> we know one alumna who won't be donating
<zompist> damn, jac. are you using it now?
<Elfstar> Yeah.
<MisterQ> cool
<Elfstar> They aren't cancelling it until the 28th, but I doubt we'll have DSL set up yet by then.
<Capalert> ok, I'm taking a quick soda run while y'all sort yourself out and read the Prologue
<Fernbar> A LONG TIME AGO
<Elfstar> Which means potentially weeks without any access from home.
<Fernbar> IN A GALAXY FAR AWAY ...
* Flippy ditches his sword.
<zompist> sol, you can have a character of your own; or just play lore's.
<zompist> or ristoril's, but i don't know if "cook" is that exciting a class.
<sol-D> How do I have a character of my own?
<sol-D> Can I be "artist"?
<Fernbar> you create it on the fly
<sol-D> and have a little sketch book..
<zompist> in a normal game, you spent about 3 days going through stats.
<Flippy> Hey, kinda like Relm.
<zompist> in mine, you give me a name, class, race, and weapon
<Flippy> That would be a cool class for Sol.
*** Elkman (tam@isis.visi.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<sol-D> relm?
<Flippy> Relm, her power was to sketch. If she sketched something, it gave her control of it.
<Elkman> Huh. The phone card must have died.
<Fernbar> weapon: eraser
<sol-D> Ooooh. I want to be relm
* zompist stares hungrily at the watermelon-green isocahedron
<Fernbar> it beats kemlo's weapon by a long shot
*** Elkman is now known as Elkmantil
<sol-D> can I be relm?
<Elfstar> I just wanna get the game underway so I can play for awhile before I have to sleep.
<Kyol> oooh, man with no face on ripley's!
*** MisterQ is now known as Surley
<Elfstar> But then, I'm completely self-centered, so feel free to ignore me.
<Capalert> we usually do
<Elkmantil> Is Lore here?
<jeeb> elkmantil: bugger all, i dunno
<Fernbar> seen lore
<jeeb> lore was last seen on IRC 1 days, 8 hours, 18 minutes and 54 seconds ago, saying: Monkey, even. [Tue Mar 13 13:44:21 2001]
<zompist> lore seems absent
<Elkmantil> jeeb, was I asking you?
<jeeb> elkmantil: i haven't a clue
<Capalert> Cheetah, odd
<Flippy> Even when he's here.
<Fernbar> Jane, concave
<zompist> sol, would you be willing to play sir albacore?
<sol-D> No, I'm gonna be...
<sol-D> uh..
<Capalert> Tarzan, obtuse
<Surley> sol, you can be like a bard character, except for singing songs, you paint and sketch and stuff and your pictures are magical
<sol-D> Andrea, artist, human
<sol-D> with a weapon of some sort
<zompist> "andrea"? WHAT A FUNNY NAME
<sol-D> I need a weapon!
<Surley> paintbrush?
<sol-D> I can't paint
<spinn> and you get a +4 for Getting TMR's Shirt Off
<sol-D> Yay!
<Fernbar> zomp: paladins can run pretty well on autopilot
<Surley> automatic pencil?
<sol-D> He takes it off easily enough on his own
<Elfstar> The fuck. We need more fighters and shit.
<zompist> someone suggest a weapon for sol while i add her to the page
<sol-D> Automatic pencilk
<Fernbar> charge and hack the evil thing
<Capalert> yeah, definitely a Charm Roach spell
<Elfstar> We've already got a fucking cook and a poet.
<Surley> sub-automatic pencil?
<Flippy> X-acto knife.
<Elfstar> We don't need a fricking artist.
<BlackDeath> Exacto knife.
<sol-D> I AM AN ARTIST GOD DAMNIT
<Fernbar> +2 fricker
*** sol-D is now known as Andrea-D
<BlackDeath> quill pen?
<Surley> +5 pallet knife?
* Fernbar casts Glyph of Artist Formerly Known as Andrea
<Capalert> if you were actually an artist, you'd type it 'ARTEEST'
<Thosw> Do I want in on this?
<Andrea-D> +3 paper of cutting
<Elkmantil> Is that a BMEzine Xacto knife?
<Andrea-D> paper cuts for all!
<Fernbar> vorpal
<Andrea-D> that's it!
*** SIGNOFF: Ntilde!tam@isis.visi.com (Leaving)
<Surley> pet paper elemental whose skin you write on?
<Capalert> snkkt
*** Elkmantil is now known as Ntilde
<Capalert> check his toes...look for wrinkles
<Fernbar> a +2 garden easel
*** Xengar (ladyj@158.252.172.81) has joined #spinnwebe
<zompist> oh, elk needs another spell
<Capalert> heya sam
<Surley> I want a spell, but I'm a fighter...
<Xengar> Hey dudes.
<Ntilde> Yeah, I could use something useful.
<Surley> bastards!
<zompist> can someone suggest a spell for elk?
<Andrea-D> I should be able to see, you know, stuff. because artists need to see well. It'd be nice to see for a change
* zompist is checking the Book of Wimpy First Level Spells
<Capalert> maybe try SLEEP
<tieboy> detect David Cassidy
<Surley> snkkt
<Xengar> Tenser's floating disc!
<spinn> magic missile is always a good general purpose one
<Surley> Induce Turrets
<Ntilde> I already have Magic Missile.
<Capalert> yeah, 2 magic missiles is standard 2nd level fare
<zompist> "Read Magic"... "Push"... "Open Doors That Are Open"
<spinn> make it a really big magic missile then
<Thosw> Summon Eels?
<Ntilde> A Magic ICBM.
<spinn> just got some spam that guarantees adding 1 to 4 inches to your magic missile
<Xengar> Protection from Vermin
<zompist> "Charm Persons Who ARen't Important To The DM"
*** kaufman_ (kaufman@ppp294.dialup.gmu.edu) has joined #spinnwebe
<Capalert> "Comprehend Tax Returns"
<zompist> ok, yeah, magic missile (2) it is
<spinn> "okay, you charm rodney." "okay, what's he doing?" "I dunno."
<Surley> For examplt: "Turrets was induced in attacking Orc Mage. Orc Mage can't say anything except 'Fucktard!'"
*** SIGNOFF: Fernbar!kaufman@ppp294.dialup.gmu.edu (Connection reset by peer)
<kaufman_> fucker hung up on me
*** kaufman_ is now known as Fernbar
<zompist> you can use one at a time or both at once
<Surley> magic phallic symbol?
<zompist> then you run away and sit in a corner for the rest of the mêlée.
<Andrea-D> mmm.... symbol
<Ntilde> Any advantage to using them both at once?
<Flippy> "Comprehend Greatful Dead Lyrics"
<Surley> "Induce Vomiting"
<Fernbar> flip: got the material component for that?
<Andrea-D> *blaaarghhh*
<zompist> well, it'd be more powerful. the whole i sgreater than the sum of the parts and all that.
<spinn> no, there are no advantages. all conceivable possibilities only include needing to use one
* zompist wonders if he should be one of those asshole dms that make you go buy all of the material components
<Thosw> Heal by Sewing
<Xengar> Sure, zomp. Make us keep track of copper we use to buy bread, while you're at it.
<Flippy> Hey, hanging around with these guys, having someone who knows how to stitch wounds would be good.
<spinn> next you'll be making them use NUMBERS and stuff
<Ntilde> I was just watching an episode of Dexter's Laboratory where Dexter and his friends were playing D&D, and Deedee took over as DM.
<Thosw> With a Singer automatic?
<Xengar> And oh, has anyone taken a dump? These things have to be taken care of.
<Xengar> Ntilde: that one rules.
<Capalert> zomp: we can't even decide to "Go South". You think we could BUY stuff?
<zompist> heh.
<zompist> tieboy, you probably need another spell
<zompist> for those days you feel like being an MU
* Flippy cracks a copy of General Surgery for Dummies.
<Surley> Can I have a powerup?
<Flippy> Nah, you'll get the powerup and win the game.
* Capalert hands him a Magic Mushroom
<zompist> OK. i think the page is up to date.
<Capalert> use it wisely, young Mario
<Thosw> +3 spell of Lasik - "I can see!"
<Flippy> Well, I'm ditching my sword, Zomp.
<Surley> *mario sound noises ensue*
<Xengar> Mama mi-eth!
*** maime (dollasauru@dyn-d082f69a.spiritone.com) has joined #spinnwebe
<Flippy> But, I can live with that not being on the page.
<Surley> hey aims
<spinn> wow, 17 people here now
<maime> hi
<zompist> OK! you are all sitting in xengar's pit of an apartment, and there's NO MORE BOOZE that you can see.
<Andrea-D> Hooray!
* Capalert has a secret stash
<Surley> We need more booze
<Fernbar> who's got Conjure likkure?
*** Andrea-D is now known as an-D-rea
<Ntilde> Damn. I wish I could cast the "Find invisible booze" spell.
<Flippy> Oh, I should have a more appropriate name
<Xengar> Hey. You.
<Xengar> Get out.
*** Flippy is now known as Fli-Pi
<Capalert> wait, we gotta go find the band to, uh, give them what we owe em
<Fernbar> and whatever about da bears
<Fli-Pi> Somewhere, something is happening. We should be a part of it.
<an-D-rea> polka band?
<Ntilde> Fernbar: They're having gay sex at the moment.
<Surley> Yea, and there's still that rock band we need to find and get our money
* Fernbar kicks Surley
<Capalert> Ha! He means give them the money we owe em
<Fernbar> you mean pay their money
<Surley> ow
<Elfstar> I think we're giving *them* money,
<Xengar> Wait.... they owe you money? You'll never get it.
<Capalert> Dumb fighter...no brains
<Capalert> He can barely talk and wear a ahat
<an-D-rea> why bother paying them?
<Capalert> Just ognore him. He's good in a fight tho
<Fernbar> yeah, when they handed out smarts. he was in the line for shorts
<Surley> Yea... right.. um.. I'm going to go kill some gay bears now
<zompist> Peldor: Whatever.
<zompist> Bubbles: (hee hee!)
<Xengar> I'll go along with the guy who's leaving
<zompist> Wispy Thing: sdkslgg!
<zompist> sorry
<Fli-Pi> Hey, maybe they have money we can take from them
<Capalert> that would be me, and whoeevr is coming
* BlackDeath follows Xengar out.
<Ntilde> Yeah, I'll head out too. Xengar's out of booze.
<Fli-Pi> I'm with the leaving crowd
<zompist> if you don't all go together, it's going to be one fuck of a confusing session
<Capalert>