The Story So Far : Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what? (Episodes 120-131 6/7/01)

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]

<zompist> ok. last game, you stumbled into a me7k@eal spaceship, the "appeal to the higher virtues", and got caught up in a space battle with the thingorid swarm.
<Surley> right
<Blackdeath> And the only interesting character died.
<Adry> maybe he was just kidding
<zompist> as you were dispatching the swarm craft, the late pilot, aiiiiba, plowed into an asteroid.
<Adry> about dying
<Ntilde> How can you kid about dying?
<Blackdeath> I'm dying... just kidding!
<Adry> he could get better?
<zompist> mary sue sighs and begins some exposition.
* LeeHarveyKemlo holds up the pilot's severed head.
<Blackdeath> Only if he turned into a newt.
<LeeHarveyK> I don't *think* he could get better.
<Surley> I think he's dead, Jim
<Pontiac> Yeah, leave him where he fell.
<zompist> "commander baphalomaug is hurt... we need some seral jelly to save him," she says, sadly but perkily.
<LeeHarveyK> if he wasn'd dead before I collected his skull, he is now.
<Blackdeath> Well, for all we know, we could be in a malfunctioning sim.
<Adry> Ah, the jelly
<zompist> "and in case you're not too motivated about that, i should mention that we need him in order to get this ship moving again."
<LeeHarveyK> "Is there air here?"
<Blackdeath> "Can't you fly the ship?"
* Surley goes and looks for jelly
<Surley> Are there mynocks?
<zompist> "i'm almost ready to take my astrogation exam," she says.
* Blackdeath follows, ready for action and adventure!
<Surley> Like in Marmaduke's stomach?
<zompist> "but i never studied tritubular mechanics, and that would be really useful right now."
<zompist> "you have to get the jelly from the thingorids," she adds.
<LeeHarveyK> "Aren't there hundreds of thousands of books on this ship? Can't you check one of them?"
<Adry> I thought we Killed them!
<Surley> maybe if we search their remains?
<zompist> "i sure hope they're all dead."
<Blackdeath> "We killed the simulations, LHK."
<zompist> mary sue pastes a gold star on surley's forehead
<Pontiac> "We're in a floating Library of Congress here!"
<Blackdeath> "Er, Adry."
<zompist> "the vr just registers that their crafts went out of commision."
<zompist> "i hope they're dead, 'cos they usually don't take kindly to people stealing their jelly."
<LeeHarveyK> "Can we buy it off them?"
<zompist> "it's medicinal for us, but it's food for them."
<Adry> "How do we get the jelly from them?"
<Blackdeath> "Where, exactly, is the jelly?"
<Blackdeath> "Like she said."
<zompist> "you can use any means necessary, dark-clad one whose name i forget."
<zompist> "take the shuttle; find one of the ships you crashed; go inside; extract jelly."
* Adry blushes
* Pontiac puts on his X cap if this is by any means necessary.
<LeeHarveyK> "How much jelly do you think we could get for trading them Ensign Mary Sue as a hostage?"
<zompist> "how much do you like eventually-airless asteroids as a retirement home?"
<Surley> Do we space walk?
<Adry> "What do thingaroids look like?"
<Pontiac> Don't we need, like, SPACESUITS if we're spacewalking>
<zompist> "there's a shuttle... it's small, and tends to burn up in an oxygen atmosphere, but it'll do for shuttling round this stellar system."
<Blackdeath> "To the shuttle!"
<zompist> "we only have two suits suitable for humanoids, and none at all for birds."
<Surley> "Do you know how to pilot it?"
<Blackdeath> "Er, who can fly the shuttle?"
<Ntilde> I don't know if I can fly it, but I can wing it.
* Pontiac consults the shuttle manual.
* Pontiac swats Ntilde with the shuttle manual for his horrible pun.
<zompist> "good question. i'll go along with you," she announces, perky as always.
* Blackdeath will relax here with a pina colada while the rest of you retrieve the jelly.
<Surley> Does that mean only one other can go because there's only one suit besides yours, Mary Sue?
<zompist> "the shuttle has an air supply, silly."
<Pontiac> "Air Supply's Greatest Hits". Bah! Get some BETTER music in that tin can!
* zompist heads over to the armory down the corridor and takes two spacesuits out, plus a heap of energy weapons.
* Blackdeath wanders off to relieve herself.
<Adry> classy, that bird
<zompist> er, i mean, mary sue does
<Adry> "Should we draw straws as for who goes?"
* LeeHarveyKemlo takes an energy weapon and sites along it....
<zompist> you're an artist, you would draw them too well
<zompist> mary sue helpfully points out the trigger mechanism
<Adry> Like I haven't heard that a milluion timesgrumblegrumble
* Surley looks for a heavy energy weapon
<Surley> Nothing like a dwarf with a big energy weapon
<Surley> mom always said
<Surley> after she dropped acid
<zompist> mary sue brings up some pictures on a monitor. it looks like a big snarling mass of gnats.
<Ntilde> Yeah, let's draw straws to see who rides the shuttle.
<zompist> "that's a thingorid swarm."
<zompist> she zooms in, and you see an individual insect equivalent.
* LeeHarveyKemlo unobtrusively lines up the crosshairs on the back of mary sue's skull, just to keep in practice
* Blackdeath wanders back. (It made more sense for a bird to relieve itself than retrieve clothing from the washing machine.)
<zompist> "go ahead, make my day," mutters mary sue.
* Surley snickers to himself after realizing how a safety works
<zompist> she climbs a ladder in the middle of the ship
<LeeHarveyK> "Nah, no one's paying me for it."
<LeeHarveyK> "But just in case she turns out to be possessed by thingorids or something."
<zompist> she comes back down partway. "shuttle's up here," she says.
<LeeHarveyK> is there room for all of us?
<zompist> "sure... most of you are dwarves, anyway."
<Pontiac> I'm not!
<Adry> I'm just naturally short
<Ntilde> But what about the oxygen?
<zompist> "we'll be fusing space debris into oxygen along the way," she explains. "it beats lugging around all those canisters."
<zompist> she disappears up the ladder again
* Adry follows
* Pontiac follows up the ladder.
<Blackdeath> "Should I even bother to come along?"
* Surley goes as well
<Surley> "Does this shuttle thing have weapons?"
<zompist> you find yourself in a small, smelly shuttle
* Ntilde chases up the ladder and tries not to look up Adry's skirt
<LeeHarveyK> can we open the windows?
<zompist> "yeah, it has a tachyonic disintegrator and two fifteen-gauge desecrators."
<Surley> "Um.. groovy:
<Adry> HEY
<Pontiac> Say WHAT?
<LeeHarveyK> "oooh, a desecrator. Is it portable?"
<Pontiac> Tach...yronic disintegrator?? Speak english!
<zompist> "it's a big fucking weapon, ok?"
<Adry> "Oh, I liek those!"
<zompist> mary sue pertly sits down in the pilot's chair, turns a bunch of switches on.
* Adry rummages for her big fuckign weapons section of her sketchbook
<Blackdeath> "Powered by deus ex machina particles, no doubt."
<Ntilde> "Wow! That tachyonic disintegrator is bigger than my first car!"
* Pontiac smiles. Weapons rock.
* LeeHarveyKemlo watches carefully.
<zompist> "here, ntilde, you look at this monitor and tell me if you see any red triangles."
* Adry tries to show mary sue
<LeeHarveyK> Just in case we need to get back without you, Ensign
<Surley> "Can you show me how to operate the weapons?"
<zompist> "those will be thingorid shiplets."
<Ntilde> "No red triangles here. Just something that looks like a copyright notice."
<LeeHarveyK> shocolate shiplet?
<zompist> mary sue helpfully gives surley some instruction in the disintegrator, and points out the f1 key
<Ntilde> "Whoops, it's in screen-saver mode."
* Ntilde jiggles the mouse
<zompist> "oh, wait. the translator doesn't do text."
<Ntilde> Hey, I see red triangles at 3:00!
<zompist> mary sue looks
<Blackdeath> "Oh, please. Everything is touch-screen now."
<zompist> mary sue calculates a transfer ellipse
<LeeHarveyK> Ntilde, are you red/green colour-blind?
<zompist> "tell me if they move. it's not far out."
<Ntilde> Not that I know of. There's a big green arrow pointed at you, though.
<Ntilde> I don't see anything moving.
<zompist> she blasts off, making all of you fall back on the floor
* Adry falls on the floor, but CUTELY
<Ntilde> In zero gravity?
<Blackdeath> "Two words, Ensign: Seat belts!"
* Pontiac damn near fell on his sword.
<zompist> (ntilde: you were on an asteroid. there is some gravity)
* LeeHarveyKemlo carefully checks his vials of poison to make sure they're all still sealed
<Blackdeath> "Yeah, we wouldn't want one to break in a sealed environment."
<Ntilde> That's a real pain in the... no, I won't say it.
<zompist> mary sue adroitly pilots through the asteroid belt, soon landing on an a ten-km-wide one
<zompist> she flies over the planet until she locates the two thingorid ships
<LeeHarveyK> I have no idea if any of these will work on the thingorids
* Surley gets back in the seat
<LeeHarveyK> are they warmblooded?
<zompist> "that one looks totalled, but i don't know about the other one."
<Ntilde> They have insurance agents up here too?
<LeeHarveyK> well, are you goin gto go out and see?
<zompist> "cold-ichored, i guess you'd say. but they beat their wings to heat themselves."
<Pontiac> Yeah, they're surrounding the wreck with briefcases in hand!
<zompist> mary sue rummages through a storage bin, finding a couple of things that look like skimpy bondage outfits
<Adry> oooooh
<zompist> "who feels like going outside?" she asks.
<LeeHarveyK> ah, darn. Don't think any of my stuff will work on them, then.
<Blackdeath> "No suit will fit me."
<LeeHarveyK> consarn it.
<Ntilde> "In public? I dunno. Someone might take my picture and show it to a bunch of IRC addicts."
<Surley> "I'll try on a suit
<LeeHarveyK> "I carry too many sharp objects."
<Adry> I'd LIKE to, but I'm not the best choice
<zompist> mary sue helps surley put on the harness
<zompist> she shows you how to turn on the oxy-field
* Surley turns on the oxy-field
<LeeHarveyK> mooooooooo
* Ntilde rechecks the monitor
<Ntilde> Still a few red triangles at 3:00. Or is that 3:05?
<LeeHarveyK> 2.55, actually
<Adry> so, who else?
<Ntilde> Oh, hey. I bet these red triangles match up with the ships I can see out the window.
<zompist> mary sue impatiently shoves the other harness in adry's direction
* Adry cries
<zompist> "we're just checking to see if there's anything alive in there."
<Adry> sorry miss mary sue, ma'am
<zompist> she monitors some stuff
* Adry slips into the harness
<zompist> "take a couple hand lasers and see if you can get in the ships."
<Adry> *yoink*
<zompist> mary sue helpfully points toward the airlock
* Surley grabs some more energy weapons and goes in the airlock
* LeeHarveyKemlo curls up and goes to sleep
* Adry grabs her sketchbook, a laser, and runs after surley
<zompist> ok... the two of you fearlessly step onto the surface
<Pontiac> Have fun folks! Byee!
<zompist> you're kind of surprised when each step bounces you ten feet in the air
<zompist> mary sue brings up an image from the camera in surley's belt-strap, and turns on the radio
<zompist> "can you hear me, surley?"
<Surley> "I hear you, Mary sue. Adry?"
<Blackdeath> "Lovely. CrotchTV."
<zompist> surley & adry, you're on a heavily cratered plain; the alien ship is about 100 meters away.
<Adry> "Skkkt. I read you. Skkkt. Over."
<Adry> are there any obstacles?
* Surley tries to go slowly towards the alien ship
<zompist> nothing but some rocks that weird alien monsters might be lurking behind
* Adry turns and pounds on the air lock
<zompist> however, you don't find any. yet.
<Pontiac> Yeah, they always tend to lurk back there.
<Adry> Oh, well then
<zompist> you reach the more-or-less intact ship, which is about the size of a vw microbus, if you'd ever seen such a thing, which of course you haven't
<zompist> there's a door on it
* Surley examines the door
<zompist> it's of a strange construction, but you're pretty sure that turning the crank to the right will open it
<Adry> is it one of those things that spin, and we can't open it until we realize that it turns COUNTERclockwise?
<zompist> partly because there are icons there showing a swarm of insects turning the crank and opening the door
* Surley turns the crank
<Ntilde> "Joker... Joker... Devil!"
<zompist> you find a very small space and then another door
<zompist> "swarms don't need much airlock room," mary sue explains, helpfully
<Adry> Should we go in one at a time?
<Pontiac> "Well thanks a heap, Mary Sue..."
<Adry> or can we both squeeze in?
<zompist> "you have oxy-fields... you can just open the second door."
* Adry belatedly turns hers on
* Surley tries to open the second door
<zompist> "it'll help soften up the room if there's any of those horrid insect things inside, anyway."
<zompist> surley opens the door; foul-smelling air starts blowing out
<Adry> "Oh, I was worried about hurting them but I guess their being dead is the point. War is so horrible. This DAMN WAR!"
<Pontiac> "I love the smell of napalm in the morning..."
<zompist> are you heading in?
<Adry> Yes
<Surley> yep
<Surley> cautiously
<Surley> heavy energy weapons slowly sweeping the room, searching for a possible threat
<Adry> How can we smell the air? Oh,w ait, it's oxy-fields. not suits
<zompist> ok-- you find yourself in a rather small space, with tiny little plastic tunnels running along the walls
<zompist> the floor is littered with dead insects
<Surley> And our acne is going away.. no waid, that's oxy-10
* Blackdeath caws.
* Ntilde is back on the main ship, faithfully watching the monitor
<zompist> there's also a very living swarm of insects, of which the nearer face is bristling with very tiny little energy eapons
* Adry looks for some sort of button
<zompist> weapons
<zompist> "stop or we'll shoot," says a voice.
<Adry> a tiny voice?
<Surley> "Who said that?"
<zompist> "we did."
<Surley> "Are you the thingoids?"
<zompist> "you are from the ship there... you're new members of the me7k@eal confederation?"
<Adry> "Uhm, No. We're just adventurers."
<zompist> "you don't look like the other me7k@eal hominids."
<Adry> "We have nothing to do with them. honestly."
<zompist> "you are hostages, perhaps?"
* Adry looks at surley, shrugs confusedly
<Adry> "Not hostages, but Kidnapped, yes
<zompist> "the me7k@eal are oppressors who destroyed our homeworld," says the swarm.
<Adry> "Why did they do that?"
<zompist> there's a little wavy movement in the swarm which you take to be a shrug
<zompist> "in their way, we guess. they're inscrutable."
<Surley> "hmm.. perhaps if we ask them why?"
<zompist> "i'm sure they'll have some lie prepared."
<zompist> "we almost have this shiplet restored... come with us, we will return you to your homeworld."
<Surley> "Our friends are still aboard a shuttle"
<Adry> "We can't abandon them"
<zompist> "we can teach you how to fly it."
<Surley> "okay"
<zompist> "are there any oppressor me7k@ealians on the shuttle?"
* Blackdeath stabs mary sue with an arrow.
<Blackdeath> "Not anymore."
<Pontiac> Good one!
<Adry> "They died. Only the rebels are left. Honest."
* Blackdeath distrusts perky people.
<zompist> mary sue, who doesn't seem to have understood the radio conversation, sees the fluttering, makes her saving throw, and twists away from blackie's arrow
* Blackdeath attacks mary sue with talons.
* zompist pauses to roll up mary sue's hit dice
<zompist> oh, no he doesn't, he has them already
<zompist> blackdeath succeeds in slicing and dicing mary sue to some extent
* Pontiac goes to attack Mary Sue with his sword.
<Surley> poor mary sue
<Blackdeath> I think she was lying when she said she needed the jelly to save the captain.
<zompist> she draws her blaster and fires at blackdeath, who's singed (-4 hp)
<Adry> I thought we could save her AND the cute little thingamarroids
<Blackdeath> In fact, I think she was pretty much lying about everything.
* Blackdeath attempts to disarm mary sue.
<zompist> pontiac misses
* Blackdeath attacks mary sue with talons again
<zompist> she manages to dive away in time, and get a good shot at the raven (-9 hp)
<zompist> (you still have 10 left, blackdeath)
<Blackdeath> Frig, I'm down 13.
<zompist> "what's gotten into you?" she mutters.
* Blackdeath fires an arrow at mary sue
<Adry> "Oh, thingaroids, they're hurting our friends! I can hear them on the radio! there must have been some left!"
* Ntilde gets on the radio
<Blackdeath> "Tell us the truth! You can fly the ship, you just wanted us to do your dirty work for you!"
<Ntilde> "Blackdeath! What are you doing?"
<Surley> Psst.. It could be that the thingaroids are lying
<Surley> "Bad birdie!"
<zompist> the never-miss arrow does not, in fact, miss.
<Adry> pssst, hey, even if they are what's the worstt hat could happen? A slow death tolling int heir mines?
<zompist> mary sue is grievously wounded, though not quite dead
<Blackdeath> "Tell us the truth!"
<zompist> mary sue endearingly bursts into tears
<zompist> "you stupid primitives! you're killing YOURSELVES as well as me!"
<Blackdeath> "Ymir! I can't stand weepy NPCs."
<Blackdeath> Ntilde has ESP... why doesn't he read her mind?
<Ntilde> I'm not on that ship.
<Ntilde> I'm on the main ship, remember?
<zompist> you are?
<Blackdeath> I thought EVERYBODY was on the shuttle.
* zompist thought everyone went along.
<Pontiac> I went along.
<zompist> who else thinks they're on the main ship? :)
<Blackdeath> Ntilde's monitoring for aliens on the shuttle.
<Adry> you didn't give a chpice you said "you're all on the shuttle" or something to that effect
<Ntilde> Huh. I must have bumped my head or something. I guess I'm on the shuttle.
* Ntilde casts the ESP spell and tries to read Mary Sue's mind
<zompist> Ntilde chases up the ladder and tries not to look up Adry's skirt
<zompist> see, he came up too
* Blackdeath suddenly realizes that he's going to owe a lot of explanations if she's telling the truth.
* Blackdeath is happy to see some action, though.
<Adry> damn bird, always flyin' off the handle...
<Ntilde> Yeah, I bumped my head and forgot I was here.
<Blackdeath> "Hey, the name is BLACKDEATH. Not exactly Ms. Nice Gal, right?"
<Surley> actually.. she was pretty nice
<Surley> I blame it all on space madness
<Pontiac> Yes, but a helluva temper.
<Ntilde> Hey, she's telling the truth, guys.
* Blackdeath caws angrily. "Get on with the mind reading."
<Blackdeath> She is?
<Blackdeath> Damn.
<Surley> Too bad Sir Albacore isn't here to cast detect evil
<Ntilde> The captain is injured and the jelly can cure him.
<Blackdeath> "Oh, sorry."
<zompist> slipsies!
<Ntilde> She'd kind of like to know why you're attacking her. It's kind of frightening.
<Blackdeath> "Wait a minute... if she's telling the truth, then the aliens..."
<Adry> .. could also be telling the truth
<Ntilde> But her side did destroy the homeworld, according to the swarm.
<Blackdeath> But they could be lying.
<Surley> Okay, ESP the swarm
<Adry> she's just a soldiery type person, though. following orders
<Blackdeath> "So was Eichman."
<Adry> "Whozzat?"
<Ntilde> And, according to the ESP, she's alarmed because she's pretty badly hurt and she might not see her home planet again. Nor does she like ESP.
<Adry> are surley and I in danger?
<Blackdeath> That's what I'd like to know.
<zompist> mary sue recovers her wits. "i'd like an explanation, if you please. and please note that you're not taking me by surprise again-- if you attack you can kill me, but i'll take some of you with me."
<Ntilde> I don't think I can reuse the ESP.
* Ntilde shakes his head and wonders why the party loves attacking so often
* Surley sighs as well
<Ntilde> Oh, and at the very bottom, I found this: "whoooooaaaaa im trippin my nutsak in a frenzy of dik play! the poop keeps the tent where it is! HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A BIG FUCKING DOG! It's 2:46! It's 2:46!"
<Blackdeath> "We want to go home!"
<zompist> "nice way you have of showing it."
<Blackdeath> "We want out of this sad excuse for a space opera and we want to go back to slashing orcs!"
* Adry cries
<zompist> the swarm buzzes a bit. "are you vertebrates still deciding whether or not you're on the right side? 'cos we'd like to finish fixing our ship."
<Ntilde> There you go, guys. I exposed her inner Red Zone.
<Adry> "Not quite"
<zompist> a light bulb appears over mary sue's head. "there's a swarm alive in there, huh? and he's talking to you?"
* Blackdeath phases out to handle more laundry.
<Adry> can we dress mary sue and the captain in our "primitive" attire and hide them as our party members?
<Surley> we can try
<zompist> except for the captain
<zompist> he's too big
<Adry> and then somehow get the toastandjelly
<Surley> except that they'll probably recognize the blob
<Adry> the captain is NOT on the shuttle
<Adry> that's all we need to worry with
<Adry> I just realized that
<Adry> maybe
<zompist> some of the insects start buzzing around their shiplet
<Pontiac> They're buzzing "Lady Marmalade"!
<Adry> "So, anyway, we're stuck here. and STARVING!"
<Adry> "We could really use something to liven up this dull, lifeless toast"
* Ntilde whispers to the party, "She's regretting not telling the translators to block out the swarm thoughts."
* Adry pulls out her sketchbook and shows some toast
<zompist> "our food isn't edible by hominids," says the swarm, regretfully.
<zompist> which pen are you using, adry?
<Adry> "WHat about my demon?"
<Adry> Normal pen
* Adry pulls out her garish pen and points to the tiny, hungry demon
<zompist> ok. no infernal powers appear to create no swirling phantasmagoria which does not dissolve into no vista of toast
<Adry> Hm, If I could just SEE the jelly...
<Adry> "He's very hungry. He hasn't eaten since we were snatched from our home world.."
<zompist> a few of the insects fly slowly back and forth near the demon
<zompist> "do these tiny beings coexist with you on your planet?" asks the swarm.
<Adry> "I wouldn't say "coexist". We both tolerate eachother. SOmetimes we fight.."
<Adry> "They can be a bit infernal"
<zompist> some of the insects spin around, which might perhaps be a swarm nod
<zompist> others are flying through the little plastic tubes, disappearing into hidden cubbyholes
* Blackdeath phases back in.
<zompist> "i get the impression that there's still an oppressor on that shuttle," says the swarm. "true?"
<Blackdeath> "She's mortally wounded."
<Blackdeath> "She's also annoyingly perky."
<zompist> (i assume that adry or surley relays these remarks to the swarm)
<Adry> that'll work
<zompist> "then, guest hominids, i advise holding onto those handrails there."
* Adry grips tightly, tucking her pen in her shirt
* Ntilde grabs the rail and sticks his tongue out for the camera
* Blackdeath grabs a rail in her talons
* Adry chews on her hat
<zompist> blackie, you're on the shuttle, not the shiplet.
* Surley holds on
<zompist> there's a roaring sound, and the shiplet blasts off the asteroid
<Blackdeath> "Well, so is ntilde," she caws angrily.
<Adry> Whoo! more daring space adventure!
<Ntilde> Hey, check this out. One of the red triangles is moving.
<zompist> mary sue sighs. "good work, bird chick," she mutters.
<Blackdeath> "Let's get this crate moving!"
<zompist> "there IS a swarm in there, it's taking off with two of your party, i'm not there to fire the disintegrator, and we have no seral jelly."
<Ntilde> Oh, wait. That's the shiplet, isn't it?
<zompist> "ayup," says mary sue, drily.
<Ntilde> Do I get my merit badge for navigation now?
<Blackdeath> "Well, good. We can all die and be reincarnated as daisies back home."
<Pontiac> NO, Ntilde.
<Adry> issa surley an' i gonna DIE?
<Ntilde> Hmm. I can still read her mind. Maybe I should fly the ship.
<Blackdeath> "Dammit, man! Do it!"
* Surley tries to learn how to fly the shiplet
<zompist> adry: you and surley are fine, since you held on during blastoff
* *Ntilde* The main ship, or the little shiplet?
<zompist> some insects come by with peanuts and soft drinks
<Surley> hmm.. a fly in my drink.. no wait, the fly is giving me the drink..
<Blackdeath> "Oh, sure. They get inflight service. We get an overpromoted sorority girl."
<Adry> "Oh, thank you!"
<zompist> "you independents, just jealous that we get all the cute guys on campus," says mary sue.
* Adry offers a peanut to the tiny demon, realizes that he's allergic
<zompist> "want us to drop you off on your planet?" asks the swarm.
<Blackdeath> "Yes, please!"
<Ntilde> Mary Sue: Should I take over driving the ship?
<Ntilde> (so you can rest)
<Adry> "What about our friends?"
* Surley thinks
<zompist> "um. good question."
<Surley> "Can you tow the shuttle?"
<zompist> "how the hell can you fly this ship?" asks mary sue.
<Blackdeath> "Because he has ESP and can suck the information right out of your perky little brain."
<zompist> "oh, right. i thought i was being scanned."
<Surley> mmmm... perky
<Ntilde> "This is ESP, not scanning. I've never made anyone's head blow up."
<zompist> "well, you'll probably get us all killed, but *i* certainly can't fly anything in this state."
<Ntilde> "Besides, Kemlo's gone at the moment."
<Adry> Now, if he could suck the information out of her perky little TITS.. then it would be interesting
<Blackdeath> Mmmmm... tits.
<zompist> they're a little less perky since blackdeath did her slashing
<Adry> I could draw her unslashed
<Blackdeath> Are they leaking silicone?
* Ntilde slides behind the controls and fastens his seat belts
<Adry> but it might make ANOTHER mary sue
<zompist> heh
<Surley> does anyone have a healing spell?
<Surley> say Capalert who was here the whole time?
<zompist> ok, ntilde; with the esp, you find that you can make the ship do pretty much what you want.
<zompist> sure, we can have capalert do some healing
<Blackdeath> But do we want to?
<zompist> you want him to heal mary sue?
<Adry> Yes
<zompist> meanwhile, the swarm asks you which is your planet
<Ntilde> "Almea. It's the one with the hot equator."
<Blackdeath> "Good question. Anyone remember where we parked?"
<Adry> "Oh, geeze, uhm. Funny Story. I dunno."
<zompist> "close to the star, then?"
<Ntilde> "I guess. Hold on while I check the navigation charts."
<Surley> um.. the one that can support life?
<Adry> "I think it's the wet looking one"
<Surley> "The pretty perky planet"
<Blackdeath> "The one teeming with orcs."
<Ntilde> It's near �nomai.
<Ntilde> Third planet in the system.
<zompist> the swarm brings up a smallish monitor image that looks something like this, but without the labels: http://www.zompist.com/enomai.gif
<zompist> "we don't know your names... but, third planet, you say? the greenish-blue one?"
<Adry> "We think so. That seems to be the consensus."
<zompist> "northern or southern hemisphere?"
<Ntilde> "Yeah, that looks correct. The second one is too hot, the fourth is too cold, and the fifth is RIGHT OUT."
<Adry> We can't go to the second unless we then proceed onto the third
<Ntilde> "Southern hemisphere."
<zompist> ntilde is following in the shuttle?
<Ntilde> Yeah. Aren't we all going back?
<Blackdeath> "We're right behind you!"
<Ntilde> Besides, Mary Sue is the only one who really knows how to get us back, albeit in her injured state.
<zompist> the swarm does some scanning, shows you some maps; with some difficulty, you locate verduria
<Blackdeath> "Mmmmm... home."
<Adry> What city were we in? Vyat?
<zompist> http://www.zompist.com/drill5.htm <-- "where do you want to go now?"
<zompist> capalert suggests that you take the opportunity to go farther south, saving some wear and tear on your shoes
* Surley agrees
<Surley> But what of the swarm and MAry Sue?
<zompist> and maybe you could even find the band and get its loot before the rest of the party, back in vyat, has even got out of bed
<Blackdeath> "I'm hip to that."
<Ntilde> Further south of Vyat?
<Surley> And won't Elrei be surprised when we come in shooting in a star shuttle?
<zompist> "we'll move you down, three at a time," suggests the swarm. "with one condition."
<Ntilde> "Which is?
<zompist> "we'd like to have that flashlight of yours. we can use it for more repairs of our fleet."
<Blackdeath> Flashlight?
<Adry> my doodad?
<Surley> we have two
<zompist> a few insects helpfully buzz around surley's doodad
<Adry> both of our doodads?
<zompist> "all the better! we'll trade you something fine for it."
<Surley> "Is there anything you would be willing to give us in trade that might help us?"
<Blackdeath> "Hm. Isn't this how this whole mess started?"
<Adry> "Seral Jelly?"
<zompist> the swarm buzzes a bit. "seral jelly? you want THAT?"
<Blackdeath> "What is it, exactly?"
<Adry> "For an art project"
<Blackdeath> "We've heard a lot about it, and it sounds nice."
<Adry> "you know how wacky artists are"
<zompist> "it's a secretion from our posterior glands, mixed with wax and aphid excrement," the swarm explains.
<zompist> "baby food, in your terms."
<Surley> "well, we can take it off your hands..er..legs, if you don't need it"
* Blackdeath is feeling stupid.
* Ntilde can't imagine Gerber's packaging secretions from human asses
<zompist> "well, thanks to my fellow swarm's death, we do have some extra jelly."
* Blackdeath wonders about all the death and destruction for honey.
<zompist> the swarm finds a tin previously used for space fuel, and fills it up with seral jelly
<zompist> which turns out to be a yellowish, viscous, cloudy, rather vile-smelling fluid, not much like the honey of almean insects
* Surley gives up his doodad
<Adry> should I give up mine?
<zompist> "we can use yours too. would you like more jelly?"
* Blackdeath wonders about all the death and destruction for foul honey-like substance.
<Adry> Do you ahve anything else?
<zompist> "or perhaps one of our translator units?"
<Surley> "go fer it
<Adry> Yes, a translator unit would be cool."
* Adry forks over her doodad
<zompist> "once you're out of the me7k@eal ships, the ambient translator you've been using won't work. ours will."
<zompist> a convoy of insects hands you a little disk the size of a coin
<Surley> "How do we use it?"
<zompist> "so long as you are carrying it, it will translate for you."
<Surley> cool
<Adry> "thank you"
<zompist> "so. destination?"
<Ntilde> "Hey, thanks. You guys aren't such bad bugs after all."
<Surley> "Adry, you better hide that, in case Elrei decide to swipe it cause it looks like a coin"
<Ntilde> Guys: Vyat, or south of Vyat?
* Adry tucks it into her corset
<Adry> south of vyat
<Blackdeath> "Your call."
<zompist> "yours meaning ours?" asks the swarm.
<zompist> "it's all the same to us."
<Blackdeath> "No, Ntilde's."
<zompist> "not even our type of planet, really."
<Ntilde> How about Suolan?
<Adry> is that too FAR south?
<Ntilde> Not yet. Not until it's off the map.
<zompist> actually, the band is known to hang out in ulian or farther south.
<Adry> Ulian, then?
<zompist> when xengar knew them, they were living in ulian.
<Ntilde> Oh. Yeah, let's go to Ulian.
<zompist> you manage to find the place on the bugs' monitors, and the shiplet goes in for a landing.
<zompist> "i'd just like to point out that if we follow, we'll all burn up in a fiery death," says mary sue, perkily.
<zompist> "the shuttle is for interplanetary space only."
<Ntilde> "Can we get down into the shiplet?"
<Blackdeath> "She's right. She mentioned that earlier."
<Blackdeath> "Can we follow in their wake?"
<zompist> meanwhile, the swarm lands its shiplet in ulian, and it suggests that surley and adry get out.
<Ntilde> "Because I'd rather not be roasted. Also, the 'Check Engine' light is on."
<Blackdeath> "The 'Check Engine' light is on in 90% of the used spacecraft out there."
* Adry gathers her things, tucks her cup under the seat, and hobbles out quickly
<zompist> surley here?
<Surley> "Would it be okay to stay until all our friends are safely landed?
<zompist> surley there?
<zompist> the swarm jiggles a moment. "sure."
<zompist> it takes off again, and in a short time it's pulled up to the shuttle, back in orbit.
<Adry> "But they CAN'T safely land."
<Blackdeath> "Can we transfer over?"
<zompist> if surley comes over with the extra oxy-field
<Adry> wait..
<Adry> mary sue can't drive back
<Adry> so if we all transfer over she's screwed
<Blackdeath> "Bonus!"
<Adry> can we just get on the shuttle?
<Surley> Can we heal up mary sue?
<zompist> well, who's in favor?
<zompist> i'll assume capalert goes along with the majority
<Surley> Me.. we can also try and trade the jelly to her for something
* Blackdeath grudgingly decides to let bygones be bygones.
<Adry> that's true
<Ntilde> Yeah. I think we owe it to Mary Sue to heal her.
<zompist> capalert helpfully points out that if she's healed, she also has access to the shuttle's weaponry
<Surley> Of course we could also set our energy weapons on wide and burn the swarm and take their shiplet
<Blackdeath> "How about we disable the weaponry before healing her?"
<Adry> they're so polite, though
* Ntilde can still read Mary Sue's mind
<Blackdeath> "Will she attempt to harm us if we heal her?"
* Ntilde tries to figure out what her intentions are if we heal her
<Ntilde> jinx.
<zompist> "i can give you some fine technology for this 'cure' of yours, if it works," says mary sue.
* Blackdeath is waiting on those ESP results.
<Ntilde> Hmm. I don't think we should leave her alone. Call it a hunch.
<Ntilde> No, call it more than a hunch. I think she'll disable the shiplet
* Blackdeath agrees. She's too perky.
<zompist> while you're deciding, i think we can assume that pontiac and then lee harvey are shuttled down to the surface.
<Adry> I think we should transfer over, go with her to the main ship, heal the captain, have him send us back...
<Blackdeath> They'll outnumber us then.
<Adry> they haven't been hostile, though
<zompist> "what are you paranoid medievals afraid of?" explodes mary sue. "all i want to do is heal baphalomaug and get the hell out of this system."
<Adry> they'll probably be glad to be rid of us
<Adry> You Bitch!
<Ntilde> "Well, I'd sort of like to get back to my home planet. I didn't sign up for the space tour."
<zompist> "and here i was sure i'd meet up with a romantic interest in this scenario," she mutters to herself.
<Blackdeath> "You're too perky. The perky love interest always dies in the end."
<zompist> the swarm helpfully suggests that a dead ensign is an ensign that offers no further conundrums
* Ntilde debates whether to show Mary Sue the other magic missile
* Blackdeath wonders if ntilde means on the receiving end.
<Adry> let's just kill her and get home. she turned mean
* Adry gives up
<Adry> On the bright side, we scored some nasty honey
<Blackdeath> "How many vote for icing the perky bitch?"
<Adry> I do.
<Adry> as long as I can draw a picture of it
<Adry> after
<Ntilde> I'm leaning toward it. I'm not sure how long we can keep trusting her.
<zompist> suuuurrrrllleeeeyyyyy...
<zompist> "i'd be against it," remarks mary sue.
<spinn> this girl must be superhot
<zompist> she's cute and perky!
<Blackdeath> She's perky.
<spinn> she appears to have survived a fairly lengthy exposure to the party
<zompist> heh. you missed the part where blackdeath nearly killed her
<spinn> well "nearly", yeah
<Blackdeath> I hate perky people.
* Blackdeath is still waiting for that ESP result.
<zompist> "oh, i have a solution," she says, brightly. "let's go back to the asteroid-- let me off there-- and you can take the shuttle back here."
<Adry> she doesn't have a suit
<Adry> I want to keep mine
<Adry> We could jettison her into space!
<Blackdeath> Maybe she's a perkinoid.
* Blackdeath high-fives Adry.
* Adry giggles happily
<zompist> meet... george... jettison!
<zompist> "see, if you take me to the asteroid, you can know that i won't do anything nasty, right?"
<Ntilde> Blackdeath: I answered you already.
<zompist> "and you'll still have the shuttle."
<Ntilde> If we leave her along, she'll try to disable the shiplet.
<Ntilde> Sue: But if we have the shuttle, we can't return to Almea.
<Blackdeath> "Not if she has no hands."
<zompist> "your thingorid insect friends will help you there."
* Ntilde checks the clock... it's 1 AM
<zompist> mary sue points out that she's still holding a weapon and isn't dead yet
<zompist> true, somebody decide something. :)
<spinn> cool, could she expose her throat a bit?
<Adry> Jettison!
<Adry> something HAS to die this episode
<Blackdeath> "So wait, what's the plan again?"
<Blackdeath> "We take her to the asteroid, leave her with the shuttle, and we take the shiplet home?
<Ntilde> Can we all fit onto the shiplet for the ride home?
<Adry> the heavily armed shuttle
<zompist> "take the shuttle back here to orbit, bird person."
<Adry> jettison!
<Blackdeath> "HOW DO WE GET HOME?!?"
<Blackdeath> "I want a simple plan."
<Adry> The thingaroids will escort us!
<Blackdeath> In what?
<Adry> jettison her and they'll help us
<Adry> their ship? shiplet?
<zompist> mary sue draws a diagram. "1. take me to asteroid in shuttle. 2. i get in our ship. 3. you take the shuttle back to almea orbit. 4. the thingorids will take you down to the planet. 5. everybody's happy."
<Blackdeath> "Hm. I guess that's what we have to do. I still don't like giving her the shuttle."
<zompist> mary sue underlines point 3
<Adry> RIght now I'm for anything that ends this
<Adry> jettisoning would be fun, though
<Ntilde> "That plan sounds good to me."
<Blackdeath> "Right, to the asteroid, Ntilde.
<Adry> she called us primitives
<Adry> primitives
<zompist> ok, before you change your minds... you execute the plan
<zompist> you take the shuttle back to the asteroid, and escort mary sue into her own ship.
* Ntilde cranks up the ship and does a wheelie
* Blackdeath is still concerned that there is something she's overlooked.
<zompist> you then take the shuttle, which ntilde can still kind of fly, and wobblingly take it back to almea orbit where the shiplet is waiting.
<zompist> just tell me the order in which you'll be taken down, since it's one at a time
<Ntilde> I suppose I'd better stay here for a bit just in case I need to fly somewhere.
<zompist> who's first down, then?
<Ntilde> Take Blackdeath first. She's kind of dangerous today.
<zompist> heh
<zompist> then: blackdeath, surley, ntilde?
<Blackdeath> A bird with heartburn is a dangerous thing.
<Ntilde> Yeah.
<Blackdeath> "Fine."
* Blackdeath transfers to the shiplet.
<zompist> ok... a few shuttlings later, ntilde, the last guy, is about to leave the shuttle to get into the shiplet. any last thoughts?
<Ntilde> Can I take the owner's manual so we can build another one of these?
* zompist assumes not
<Blackdeath> Maybe ntilde should set the autopilot for the shuttle.
<Blackdeath> Send it back to the asteroid.
<zompist> he only knows what he saw mary sue doing, and she never used the autopilot.
<zompist> you can take the manual, but you can't read it...
<Ntilde> Nah, on second thought, I'll just get onto the shiplet.
<zompist> ok. you do so.
<Blackdeath> Let the thing burn up in reentry, then.
<zompist> before going down to the surface, the swarm fires on the shuttle, destroying it
<zompist> it then takes you down to ulian.
<zompist> "thanks for your help," the swarm says. "look us up in a few centuries when you get space travel, eh?"
<Blackdeath> "And we've learned to control our tempers!"
<zompist> "personally, we would have destroyed the me7k@eal bitch," says the swarm. "but hey, we're biased."
* Adry waves
* Blackdeath gives a pinfeather up!
<zompist> the insects dance around in little circles, which might be a wave back
<Ntilde> "Yeah, I figured you guys are kind of biased. But I'm not sure I ever trusted her."
* Ntilde waves an unknown spaceship part toward the insects
* Blackdeath dislikes perky people. But you know that.
<zompist> "of course you shouldn't have trusted her... they just destroyed an entire fleet of our ships out there. they're nasty people."
<zompist> the swarm fills out your frequent flyer cards, then leaves
* Ntilde managed to grab the Check Engine light assembly
* Blackdeath wonders if it was all worth it.
<Ntilde> Sure, if we get XP for it.
<Adry> we have a translator we can't really use here
<Blackdeath> "What did we learn, kids? 1) Insects are our friends. 2) Never trust perky people."
<Blackdeath> "I have some foil! And a talking box."
<zompist> adry, you don't know that
<Ntilde> 3) Don't attack people who aren't going to attack you.
* Blackdeath turns on the talking box.
<zompist> the box still talks and sings
<zompist> though not necessarily all at once
<spinn> maybe it's some sort of thing you can kill
<zompist> well, here you are in beautiful ulian. better wait till next time to look around, though.
<Blackdeath> Same bat time?
<zompist> yah
<zompist> next time: a return to medievality!
* wabewalkr wonders how Raven will react to my interpretation of her character.
<spinn> she'll be pissed you're not capitalizing the D
<Elkman> Oh, she'll love it.
<zompist> heh... you didn't ask her about it earlier?
* zompist wonders if raven also dislikes perky ensigns

Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com

I want to submit a log!