The Story So Far : Space Opera Quest! (Episodes 106-119 5/31/01)

SWHC

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



<rJak> Hey, Zomp. Should I wait until the party reaches a town to join up or something?
<zompist> it'd simplify things if you can temporarily run someone else's character

<zompist> but if you want a new one, that's fine too

<zompist> i wonder what's raven's excuse. she has her damn house, doesn't she?

<Adry> no cable yet, maybe?
<zompist> there's a rvnaway in #sw

<Adry> maybe she's yelling at kids to get offa her property
<LeeHarveyKemlo> sol - well, she *is* online
<Adry> she could have wandered off, though
<spinn> I wanna play at some point, but I'd have to get some prep time for the character I think
*** tieboy is now known as CarolFeltman
<CarolFeltman> I'm a 5th level Fusspot
<spinn> maybe go without the wizard for once
<Ntilde> spinn: What kind of character would you be?
<spinn> I'm thinking a sniper
<zompist> rjak: did you find a character you can steal, or you want a new one?

<zompist> tie, are you establishing a new character?

<CarolFeltman> er, i dunno
<CarolFeltman> do I still have one?
<zompist> well, yeah-- mrs. steve.

<zompist> but hell, why not play lore?

<LeeHarveyKemlo> can we have snipers in this milieu?
<spinn> well, marksman. but I prefer to call him a sniper
<CarolFeltman> i can't fill those tiny boots
<Ntilde> I don't think there are reliable guns in this environment.
<zompist> that's true.

<spinn> with a bow, people. christ, you think I'm talking about a tacnuke specialist or something?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I mean, I have to rely on a little satchel of daggers and knives and throwing stars and poisons
<spinn> oh plus I want a guy who is born with a million billion wishes.
* LeeHarveyKemlo has a million billion wishes.
<zompist> tie: you could play fernbar the druid or capalert the dwarf, too

<ElRegate> Yeah, but you appear to have the Felix the Cat version of the little satchel.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Nothing about them being granted, though.
<CarolFeltman> i was thinking blowdart
<CarolFeltman> fernbar?
<CarolFeltman> whose character is that?
<zompist> fernbar is ken's

<zompist> mmm, can't talk any of you into old characters, huh?

<zompist> then give me a name, class, race, and weapon, and PRONTO

*** CarolFeltman is now known as MrsSteve
* LeeHarveyKemlo waves it away tiredly
<zompist> ok... you're a 2nd level temp, steve... i think we established that you can pick a class for one session

<zompist> the role of capalert the clerical dwarfical will be played by rjak tonight

<MrsSteve> where's the page with the stuff on it?
*** rJak is now known as Capalert
<Capalert> Slightly possessed albeit...
<zompist> greg, you can give me a character or you can play one of the NPCs we'll be meeting soon

<MrsSteve> affect normal fires? Why did I get that lame-ass spell?
<zompist> no idea, steve

<MrsSteve> I'll be a fighter I guess
<MrsSteve> hackity hackity
* Surly wanders in with a killer hangover that incapacitated him last week
* zompist assigns .2 level to the killer hangover
* Surly backhands a pony in anger at his hangover
* Capalert feels a strange urge to drive mechanical walkers, but nah...it'll pass...
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs the hangover in the kidneys
* Adry yawns
<MrsSteve> Let's get killing!
<MrsSteve> hack slash kill swipe
<ElRegate> Oh, I'm sure if we wait around long enough, something will come to kill us
<zompist> ok... you're in lovely, sun-specked vyat, known as the cambridge of southern verduria.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> I thought it was the oxford of southern verduria
<Ntilde> Don't we get to shop or something?
<zompist> no way, it's 10:30 already.

<Ntilde> Damn. So I can't buy stage makeup then?
<Capalert> Night or day?
* MrsSteve finds an absolute SHITLOAD of information, decides to wing it
<LeeHarveyKemlo> it's sun-specked, so I'd guess day.
<ElRegate> Oooh, I found us on the Verudian map. We're in Alsace-Lorraine.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> a 5+ Walker of Wabes! Kill it!
* wabewalkr releases his slithy toves.
<zompist> you're in where the hell...?

<ElRegate> Your map looks like Germany and France.
* Capalert looks around. When the hell did he get stuck in the toilet?
<wabewalkr> Yeah, well, they'd put the Dungeon back in DnD.
<Surly> did I ever find out what's in my sludgy bottle?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> a genie.
<MrsSteve> I set out for high adventure
<LeeHarveyKemlo> well, a dead genie.
<Adry> I didn't think we did
<Surly> releasing the slithy toves: metaphor for laying a dirt snake
<ElRegate> I set out not to have to beat the crap out of freaked out monsters for a change.
<wabewalkr> If a bunch of lunatics with swords approached you, you'd fire off a dirt snake or two.
<Adry> zomp said ti wasn't needed, or something
<zompist> it wasn't needed for that adventure

<zompist> but hell, i'll tell you what it is now

<zompist> it's tanning lotion.

<Adry> ew
<LeeHarveyKemlo> is it enchanted?
<Surly> hmm.. tanning lotion. I wonder what the gargoyles were doing with that?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> could vampires use it to resist sunlight?
<MrsSteve> do i see anything promising? a castle or cave or something?
<zompist> as it happens, there's a fine old ruined city across the river, which has been good for running into monsters before.

* MrsSteve goes there
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I say we burn the old ruined city to the ground NOW.
<MrsSteve> er, is there a bridge?
<Adry> did we ever visit the oracle?
* wabewalkr follows MrsSteve, confused.
<Surly> yes, we need to pump ourself up
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Every time we go there, we run into monsters
<zompist> as it happens, yes!

<LeeHarveyKemlo> they beat us half to death
* MrsSteve crosses the bridge
<Capalert> I get a lager first.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> and then we figure out to use fire against them.
<zompist> that's the idea! experience points! fun!

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Burn it FIRST.
<MrsSteve> once everyone is across, i'm gonna burn it to motivate the troops
<wabewalkr> Doesn't she have to tell us what her favorite color is?
* Ntilde crosses the bridge
* MrsSteve squats down and starts making a fire
<zompist> ok... i forget what it said on the entrance sign. same thing as it did before, however

<Capalert> What, "Free beer"?
<Surly> Free Bear?
<zompist> wabe, are you playing, observing, or you don't know?

* LeeHarveyKemlo lights a torch
<MrsSteve> wabe is my hetero-lifemate
<wabewalkr> I'll play.
<wabewalkr> But won't I need a character or something?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> oh, so wabe is Steve?
<zompist> qool. next question: an existing character, or you want your own?

<wabewalkr> Give me an existing one, so we won't be delayed.
* MrsSteve sits down to see what wabe will turn into
<Surly> you can be Elfstar?
<zompist> elfstar is very heroic, tho' kind of touchy

<Surly> Sir Albacore casts Detect Evil on everything
* wabewalkr asks zomp to pick one.
<Capalert> I scout for Clan Dropships in the back.
<Surly> BlackDeath is cool
* MrsSteve limbers up to avoid muscle strains
<Ntilde> wabe: You could play Sir Albacore.
<Surly> she's a birdie
<wabewalkr> OK, I'll play Raven.
<zompist> ooh, kinky

<loot> can I play too?
<zompist> she's a fine character, 'cos she can fly

<Blackdeath> We have the same attitude towards life.
<Capalert> loot: try Sam's character.
<zompist> and carry a fuckin shitload of stuff for a BIRD

<Blackdeath> i.e., it's expendible.
<zompist> mutter grumble

<Surly> and somehow has whirling talons
<Adry> and can speak
<loot> Xengar?
<Capalert> Yeah. Try him.
* MrsSteve meanders toward the ruins
<Surly> and handle a crossbow
* Blackdeath doesn't trust the bridge and flys over.
<Surly> Xengar used to be friends with the band Elrei
<zompist> man, the cast changes for this performance will take up the whole overture

* Capalert prods the ruins. Nothing.
* Surly examines ruins
* Adry is stillt he same, however
* Blackdeath circles the ruins from above
* LeeHarveyKemlo wanders around, looking for flammable wreckage
* Ntilde pokes around and sees if there's anything interesting in the ruins, like stage makeup
* Adry sits and draws
<Capalert> Look! Rocks!
<zompist> most of the ruins are kind of ruined. there's one big building that looks almost intact, however.

<Capalert> Door?
* MrsSteve goes there
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I say we burn the building NOW.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> There are monsters inside
<zompist> yes! indeed, there's a weirdly sculpted door, just lying there

<LeeHarveyKemlo> and we can pick whatever treasure remains, out of the ashes
* MrsSteve opens the door
<Capalert> It's stone, you dolt. Stone isn't flammable.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Why is the door just lying on the ground?
<Surly> does the door have a tentacled squid-like mancreature carved on it?
<zompist> there are odd runes over it, but you're used to not being able to read those

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Capalert - damn.
<Capalert> Wait. I take the door.
<Adry> would it help if I made a copy of the ruins?
<zompist> mrs steve is right; she opens the door

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Here, everyone - take a torch.
<Surly> sure, make a copy Adry
* MrsSteve draws her sword
* Ntilde takes a torch
<Capalert> Okay, I fashiion the door into a crude shield.
* Xengar takes a torch
<zompist> surley and adry have nice doodads for illumination

<MrsSteve> and then throws the drawing away and takes out her sword
* Adry puts a peice of paper on the carvins and then rubs it with some ash
<MrsSteve> ha!
<zompist> i was speaking metaphorically about the door, dammit.

* Adry pockets them
<Surly> Oh yea, I don't have a gem no more, but a scroll of medium protectuion from stuff
<MrsSteve> see what I did there?
<zompist> but anyway, it's open, you have light, there ya go.

<Capalert> Oh...will someone help me rip off the door then?
<MrsSteve> what do I see inside?
<Xengar> what's in the door?
<Capalert> Is it good quality wood?
<Surly> Anything in there?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> will it burn?
<zompist> you see a long narrow passageway

<Xengar> is it an evil door?
<Surly> "Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me"
<Capalert> Dammit, no one move until I get the damn door!
* Ntilde passes Surley the drugs
<zompist> you hear nothing, as the dm is kind of cagey about these thingsd

* Capalert tugs on the door.
* LeeHarveyKemlo sighs, pulls out a dagger, and picks open the hinges
<LeeHarveyKemlo> There.
* Adry sighs.
<Adry> Ok.
* MrsSteve bounces a rock down the hall, to see if it sounds like a trap door anywhere
* Adry skips down the hallway
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Take the damn door.
<MrsSteve> or, that'll work, too
<Surly> wait Adry, see if theres a trap
<zompist> hinges don't give.

* Capalert takes the door and puts it in the inventory.
<zompist> no trap evident yet.

<Adry> you can follow if you like
<zompist> er. did i say yet? of course i mean, no trap at all!

<zompist> adry, nothing bad happens to you inside

* Xengar also checks for traps
<zompist> there's another door at the other end

<LeeHarveyKemlo> I pried them apart.
<zompist> with a big button on it

* Adry stops to draw the button
<Surly> test that door for traps
* MrsSteve sets a trap for someone to find, then runs away, giggling
<zompist> the door makes its saving throw and resists all these indignities.

<Capalert> Will someone get an axe and cut around the hinges? I really want that door.
<MrsSteve> leave... the fucking... door
<zompist> no you don't! you'll be sorry!

<Xengar> is there a label on the button?
<zompist> yeah

<MrsSteve> DM, jeez, whisk it to another dimension or something
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Surly, you have a pickaxe, right?
<zompist> unfortunately, you can't read it

<Surly> Cap, did you hear about the boy who pulled a giant stone slab tombstone on himself?
* Ntilde calls Restoration Hardware and orders a copy of the door for CapAlert
<Adry> what color is the button?
* LeeHarveyKemlo peers
<zompist> blue

<Capalert> Oh well...I wanted the door.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> wait - now it's red.
<Adry> if it's red I'm not touching it. ah.. blue..
* Ntilde bounds down the hallway toward the blue button
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Now it's green
<Capalert> Maybe on the way out.
<Surly> No, the door is too unweildy to carry about
<LeeHarveyKemlo> damn thing is changing colours.
* MrsSteve pushes the button
* Adry cringes
* Surly hops back
* LeeHarveyKemlo takes a step back
<zompist> ok, you all go inside, steve pushes the button; the other door closes

* Ntilde hides in the bushes and giggles
<zompist> like you couldn't see THAT coming

<LeeHarveyKemlo> *other* door?
<MrsSteve> yay! do I get XP
<Adry> well, i didn't
<MrsSteve> the door we just came in
<Capalert> See? If you'sd listen to me and LET me take that door...
<zompist> no, you'll need that door later, cap. trust me

<LeeHarveyKemlo> it's a wooden door, it'll burn.
* MrsSteve opens the 2nd door
<zompist> er, it's not wood

* Surly whips out his pickaxe and whirls it around cooly, trying not to have it fall on his foot
<zompist> steve, it doesn't let you

<Capalert> It's not wood?
* MrsSteve knocks on it
<Capalert> I don't want it anymore.
* Xengar presses the button again
<zompist> you hear some strange sounds, then the button turns green

<Surly> Xengar beat me to it
* MrsSteve discovers she has breasts, is happy
<Capalert> Dammit, stop pushing the button!
<zompist> now the door opens

<Surly> green button
<Xengar> rock on
<LeeHarveyKemlo> after thirty seconds, the button turns yellow for five seconds
* MrsSteve does a forward roll into the room, comes up ready for action
* Surly shines a light inside
<LeeHarveyKemlo> then it turns red again
<Capalert> Right. Mace is out. Easing in the room.
* LeeHarveyKemlo eyes the room warily
<spinn> kemlo's in a corner wishing really hard to himself
<Ntilde> Kemlo: Doesn't the DM usually decide what colors the button changes to?
* Xengar readies his crossbow
<zompist> you come into a long passageway with many doors

<zompist> there's a big open one to the left, however

<MrsSteve> damn. now I just look stupid
<Capalert> Wood doors?
* MrsSteve rolls through that doorway
* Ntilde keeps an eye out for grues
* Xengar keeps an eye out for maidens
* Blackdeath pecks at a door
<Surly> "Should we open some of the small doors or the big one?"
* Adry watches the parties back
<Capalert> Or Gnome Armors. Those things are quick.
<Adry> something could come up from behind
* LeeHarveyKemlo is watching our backs
<zompist> the doors aren't wood.

* Ntilde waits for Monty Hall to offer him whatever's behind door #3
<Blackdeath> Stone? Metal?
<Adry> "The other doors are probably locked."
<Blackdeath> Glass? Plastic?
<Capalert> Gold overlay?
<Adry> bacon?
<MrsSteve> okay, i rolled through the open door. what do I see?
<Surly> "Well, shall I try to pry one of these things open?"
* Xengar whips out a cigarette and runs outside to smoke it, yelling "be right back!"
<Blackdeath> Mmmm... bacon.
<zompist> they're painted somethings

<zompist> but they ping when you hit something metallic against them

<zompist> steve, do you have light?

* Blackdeath pecks at the door again.
<Capalert> Ah...ROBOTIC doors.
* LeeHarveyKemlo has torches
<MrsSteve> er, yeah! i have light
* Surly shines the light in
<Blackdeath> "Anyone have some turpentine?"
<Capalert> Shouldn't we open the door first?
<MrsSteve> i'm a vibrant person
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Right here. Turpentine."
<zompist> ok... you see a vast, cavernous space, aglow with odd purplish shapes

<Adry> it's already open
<Surly> hmm.. odd purplish shapes
<MrsSteve> are the shapes moving?
<Capalert> Oh God...gelatinous cubes?
<zompist> your light doesn't show the whole place

<MrsSteve> no, they're clear
* Adry peeks into the door, behind steve-o
<zompist> it's spooky. SPOOKY!

* Surly shines it on a purplish shape
<Blackdeath> Mutant Smurfs?
* Adry shines HER light, too
<MrsSteve> throw a torch at a shape
* Capalert nudges Adry to go in first.
* Ntilde starts singing "Shine a light, shine a light, Philadelphia Freedom!"
<zompist> you see a huge barrell-like structure

* Adry nudges capalert. I'm curious. Not stupid
* Ntilde waits outside a bit for other people to get eaten first -- er, to explore it first
* Blackdeath searchs for a flare gun.
<zompist> and stuff that looks like machines

<LeeHarveyKemlo> can the cubes be poisoned?
<zompist> cubes?

* Surly goes to examine the machines and barrel-like thing
<Capalert> Sweet Jesus! Lostech!
<Blackdeath> SHAPES, not cubes.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> cubes are shapes.
* LeeHarveyKemlo pouts
<Capalert> Woo-hoo! Dibs on the Dasher!
<MrsSteve> but all shapes aren't cubes
<LeeHarveyKemlo> dibs on the prancer and the vixen!
<zompist> but not all shapes are cubes. that's logic, jack

* MrsSteve walks over to a shape
* MrsSteve prods a shape with his sword
* Blackdeath smells a shape.
<Adry> I think I'll draw one
* Ntilde walks in and starts peering at the shapes
* Adry wanders in to examine them
* Blackdeath wants to type "x shape" but resists.
<spinn> it's a gelatinous cube machine!
<Xengar> no!
<Surly> any new info on the shapes?
<spinn> PLUT PLUT PLUT
<zompist> it smells like lots of things... grease, sweat, strange things you've never smelled before

<Blackdeath> It's a blueberry jello mold!
<Adry> they're purplish
<MrsSteve> hope it's not Purple Worm scat
<Ntilde> Oh, I get it. We're in a hospital cafeteria.
<Capalert> You taste it first.
<Blackdeath> Or Barney poop.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> octahedrons?
<spinn> VISCOSITY IS IRRELEVANT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> octahedrA, i mean
<zompist> more machines; more huge barrel-like things; lots of pipes and stuff

<Blackdeath> Are the shapes regular or irregular?
<Xengar> hey, do i have any inventory?
* MrsSteve goes to the barrel structure
<Adry> like a pipe organ?
<Surly> shining trapedrahedrons?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> can I use them to make more poisons?
<zompist> some of hte pipes are glowing purple.

* Capalert examines the barrel structure.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> bright purple, or dark purple?
<Blackdeath> Radioactive wine?
<zompist> while you're looking, a slimy-looking mound appears in the doorway

* Surly tries to see if he can get any of the machines working using his dwarven know-how
<LeeHarveyKemlo> by "glowing dark purple", i mean like, black light, you know?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Slimy Mound!
<MrsSteve> is it shambling?
* Ntilde starts looking around for the keyboard
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Kill it!
<zompist> brightish purple

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Kill kill kill kill!
<Capalert> YOU kill him.
* LeeHarveyKemlo passes torches to everyone
<Adry> it could be friendly!
* Xengar says hello to the slimy mound
* Ntilde casts the ESP spell on the slimy looking mound in the doorway
<Blackdeath> "Hello, hideous slimy blob. Are you friendly?
<zompist> "hello," says the mound. "who the hell are you?"

<Blackdeath> "We got separated from our tour group."
<Surly> "Um, we're just explorers. What is this place?"
* Xengar says "just passing thru"
<zompist> the slime turns out to have eyeballs, which are trained on blackdeath

<Capalert> "Prithee, good sir. Might you tell us what this contraption is?"
<Adry> "Our car broke down, do you have a phone?"
<zompist> who, as you remember from swdd.html, is carrying some glowing arrows

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "our phone broke down. Do you have a car?"
* MrsSteve steps in front of blackdeath, then realizes her mistake, and steps behind blackdeath
<zompist> "you're locals, aren't you?"

<LeeHarveyKemlo> oh yes - the glowing arrows.
* Blackdeath puts the arrows in a lightproof sack.
<Surly> "We're just visiting this part of the world"
<spinn> it's the master!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "No, we're not locals, unless there's a good reason for us to be."
<Ntilde> That's convincing, Kemlo.
<spinn> crap! quick, push him back in his tardis before the doctor shows up and universes start imploding
<Capalert> "Not local as the sense of vagabonds, yes. Why are you a blob?"
<MrsSteve> not a blob, a mound
<zompist> "blob?"

<MrsSteve> and not a cube, a shape
<zompist> the slime rears up on its hind heaps

<MrsSteve> this party has spacial relation problems
<Xengar> "what, exactly, are you?"
* Adry bumps into a wall
<Surly> And attention span problems
<Capalert> "I meant that as a term of endearment, sir."
<zompist> "racist natives," the blob comments.

* Adry puts on her spectacles
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Why have you no definable shape?"
<Ntilde> zomp: Did my ESP spell prove anything>
<MrsSteve> try your ESPN spell
<Adry> "DOn't mind these idiots, sir...""
<MrsSteve> or ma'am
<zompist> "but those rods of yours, we could really use them."

<Surly> "He meant, 'who are you? and 'we never encountered anything resembling something like you before''
<Adry> Oh, yes.
<Blackdeath> "It has a definible shape, just an unusal one?"
<Xengar> "rods?"
<Blackdeath> "You mean my arrows?"
<zompist> ntilde: unfortunately, it completely failed. you just couldn't read anything.

* MrsSteve asks it what this room and pipes and purple stuff is for
<Capalert> "My apologies, sir, but...I BEG your pardon?
<zompist> "arrows? you call those arrows?"

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Well, we were *told* they were arrows."
<Xengar> "who is 'we'?"
<MrsSteve> "Hey, thingy. What the dealie-o?"
<zompist> "whatever. i'll trade you for 'em."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "What are you offering?"
<Blackdeath> "Well, TECHNICALLY they would be bolts, since they fit my crossbow, but yes."
<MrsSteve> a bird has a crossbow?
<Capalert> "For what purpose?"
* Blackdeath points out that a crossbow is useless without projectiles.
<zompist> the slime extrudes a pseudopod, which contains a bright shiny object

<Surly> "They're arrows that will hit whatever they're aimed at. What can you trade for something as useful as them?"
<Capalert> Well get NEW ones. Sheesh...
<zompist> "would you accept one of these for it?"

<Xengar> Steve, I believe the correct saying when addressing slimy mounds is 'what's the 411?'
* Capalert examines the object.
<MrsSteve> i can't believe we're haggling with a mound
<zompist> it's shiny!

<Capalert> What the hell is it?
<Blackdeath> "It's very... interesting. What is it, pray tell?"
<zompist> it's kind of flimsy and papery, yet metallic.

<Surly> mmm.. shiny
<LeeHarveyKemlo> aluminum foil?
<Adry> like foil?
<Capalert> Ah...platinum sheeting?
<Blackdeath> Golden, or Silverish?
<zompist> silvery

<Surly> A shining Tetrahedron?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Aluminum foil.
<Capalert> Retail value?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Which, in a Renaissance milieu, is worth more than gold.
* Blackdeath temporarly phases into another dimension to eat a cookie.
<spinn> I'd hold out for the beads and the wormy blankets
<Surly> "If you don't mind, what would you use the glowing arrows for?"
<zompist> "i can't estimate the local value, but look how shiny it is."

* LeeHarveyKemlo puts on his sunglasses
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "It looks much less shiny now."
<zompist> "to fix the turmicator."

<Capalert> How many arrows would we have left?
<Adry> you don't have sunglasses
<LeeHarveyKemlo> (sunglasses, made of of polished obsidian)
<Surly> only Adry has sunglasses
<MrsSteve> let's attack it
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I do so.
<zompist> "mmm... i think i just need three."

<Adry> Right
<zompist> "that leaves... three for you!"

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Assassins need to look cool.
<Adry> Noo!
* MrsSteve gets his bow and prepares to 'trade' an arrow
* Blackdeath phases back, and hands everyone (including our new friend) a cookie.
<MrsSteve> er, her. her bow
<Capalert> Aw, just trade. If he does anything funny, just frag him.
<Surly> BlackDeath, you want to trade three arrows of never missing for this shiney bauble?
<zompist> "mmm, cookies."

<Surly> I'd do it
<Surly> cause it's shiney
* LeeHarveyKemlo offers to add some poison to the cookie
* MrsSteve wanders off to look around a little more
* Blackdeath counts the arrows in the bag.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Can we get an oath to not use those arrows on us?
<zompist> six, iirc

* Surly tries to barter for something else as well
<Adry> "What's the turmicator?"
<Xengar> "what's a turmicator?"
* MrsSteve draws up a fair trade codicil
<zompist> "ok, ok... i'll throw in this really nice talking thing."

<MrsSteve> ooh! i want that
<MrsSteve> dibs!
<Surly> a talking thing?
<Capalert> Talking thing?
<Capalert> Jinx.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> is it a battlemech that we'll have to fight against?
<zompist> the slime offers a little box, fiddles with a knob; country & western music plays

* Blackdeath hands over three arrows. A talking thing is cool.
<MrsSteve> ACKKKK!
* Adry drools
<LeeHarveyKemlo> AHHH! UNCLEAN!
<Surly> "Argghh, the pain!"
* MrsSteve attacks
<zompist> "sold!"

<Capalert> Radio! Yes!
<zompist> the slime hands blackdeath the shiny thing and the talking thing and accepts the arrows

<Xengar> see if Howard Stern is on
<LeeHarveyKemlo> We need you to take an oath to not use those arrows against us.
* Blackdeath turns the knob to the heavy metal station
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Or we'll set fire to you.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> There's more of us than there are arrows.
<zompist> "heh heh! no, i won't use them against you. quite the opposite."

<Xengar> Kemlo: would've been better before he had the arrows
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Well, I was TRYING to tell you that.
<Adry> "How will you use them, then?"
<zompist> "i swear by the most frighteningly powerful of the native gods of yours."

* Blackdeath asks for a tour of the complex.
<Ntilde> "So, Mr. Slime, what brings you to this dungeon?"
<zompist> "if you'll excuse me..."

<Capalert> You and your trying to light blobs on fire, Kem.
<zompist> the mound squeezes past you, toward one of the machines

* MrsSteve follows the mound
<Xengar> "what's a turmicator?"
* Capalert stands on guard.
<zompist> the arrows are held, still glowing, in the middle of his back

<MrsSteve> "Hey, what's this thing do?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> the blob has a back?
<zompist> "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"

* Blackdeath follows MrsSteve
<zompist> most things do

<Blackdeath> "Blobby has Back!"
<MrsSteve> "Huh? What's it do? What's that for? What are those shapes? Huh?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I thought it was sort of, you know.... unidirectional.
* Adry follows the blob, making quick sketches of everything she sees
* Blackdeath whispers, what if the blob turns out to be Schumin?
<zompist> the blob reaches a machine, opens an access panel, replaces some burned out pieces with the arrows

<Capalert> I don't wanna think about it.
<Surly> "MrsSteve, 'Hey, what's this thing do' is usually the words you hear before someone wins a Darwin award"
* MrsSteve raises his sword at Xengar, out of reflex
* Xengar slaps himself
* Blackdeath applies the Vulcan nerve pinch to MrsSteve.
* LeeHarveyKemlo sighs. Damn aliens.
<Adry> "her" sword
<Surly> It can't be Schumnin. It hasn't tried descriving everything in verbose detail yet.
<zompist> it then produces a little metal thing, and says "commander, we're ready!"

* Xengar apologizes to Mrs. Steve
<LeeHarveyKemlo> is it Leader Kibo?
<Ntilde> Uh-oh. Are we blasting off into outer space?
* Blackdeath fears that we're about to join the space program.
<Capalert> I move towards the door.
<Surly> "Cool!"
* LeeHarveyKemlo sighs, and sits down.
* MrsSteve repeats his questions to the fucking mound
<Surly> Now to find that metal golem suit
* Adry bounces up and down.
* zompist looks up steve's question
<LeeHarveyKemlo> We had BETTER not be a zoo exhibit.
* Surly watches as Adry bounces up and down
* Blackdeath wonders if insurance covers orbital accidents.
<MrsSteve> "WHAT IS THIS THING AND THOSE OTHER THINGS"
<zompist> oh, that

<Adry> "My womanly charms are useless is the icy cold depths of space!"
<Xengar> "and what the hell is a turmicator??"
<Capalert> "Who ARE you anyway?
<zompist> the blob isn't paying much attention

<Surly> It's a cookbook! A cookbook..
* LeeHarveyKemlo ponders stabbing the blob
<zompist> "oh, my name is grmmm."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> where are its vital organs?
<Surly> To Serve Kemlo
<Blackdeath> Blobs don't have vital organs!
<zompist> well, there's all sorts of organs and organelles and floating things in the blob

<zompist> some of them look artificial

<Ntilde> How do you think they keep staying blob-like?
<Adry> "Nice to meet you, Mr. Grmmm. Here, I drew you..."
<Capalert> We're going about this the wrong way. We'd be dead by now if that happened...
<zompist> in fact, that big thing right there looks like a lunchbox

<Blackdeath> It's a Borganism?
* LeeHarveyKemlo taps the blob on the shoulder-equivalent
<spinn> I'm trying to figure what the opposite of shooting you with arrows is
<Surly> It's a Borgterium
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Are we safe?"
* Blackdeath opens the box
* MrsSteve asks the question again in a loud voice while gesturing with her sword
<Surly> whacking you over the head with the arrows
<Adry> shooting you toward spiky things
<LeeHarveyKemlo> us shooting HIM with arrows?
* Surly examines the machines to see if he can glean their purpose
<zompist> which box, blackdeath?

<LeeHarveyKemlo> the lunchbox
<MrsSteve> hey, what did we trade for again>
<Capalert> Look, it's NOT a good idea to shoot the pilot!
<Surly> a shiney thing and a radio
<zompist> it's in the middle of grmmm!

<spinn> an am radio and some reynolds wrap
<Surly> and cholera
<MrsSteve> oh yeah. boy, this is just like Keep on the Borderlands
<Capalert> What IS going on anyway?
<Ntilde> Yeah, I'd recommend not shooting the pilot until we find out where in the sam hill we're going.
<MrsSteve> okay, unless anyone objects, I'm going to hack this thing up
<zompist> the whole building shudders, and you all feel a bit queasy

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Have we taken off yet?
* Surly objects
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Maybe we should kill the pilot BEFORE we take off.
<Blackdeath> For all you know, we could be going to the Planet of the Nimble Stewardesses.
<Surly> No it's fun to go into space
<Capalert> YOU know how to pilot a building, Kem?
<Surly> or the Moon with all the nekked girls
* Adry is with Surly
* Blackdeath looks for a couch to lie down on.
<zompist> while you dicker, the blob slithers back toward the corridor

<MrsSteve> i want the lunchbox
* MrsSteve runs after it
* LeeHarveyKemlo follows the blob
<Blackdeath> Yeah, what was in the box?
<zompist> you want to touch that thing?

<zompist> eeewwww

<Adry> I do
* Surly wishes for some wearily thrown lightning bolts
<Surly> no
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Surly - careful what you wish for.
<Adry> it reminds me of my first boyfriend
<Surly> well, yes, but not if it's looking like the helpful blob is using it to LIVE
<zompist> the blob enters the 2nd door on the right

* Blackdeath looks around again, because he's too lazy to scroll back.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> um, how is the blob being helpful?
* MrsSteve follows it
* Surly follows the blob
<LeeHarveyKemlo> No, don't!
<zompist> you're in the big vast space with inscrutable machines

* Ntilde follows the blob too.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> That's the Little Blobs' Room
* Xengar follows
<Surly> kemlo: cause it's not currently trying to digest you
<zompist> do you open that door?

* Blackdeath wonders how we're picking up radio signals on a technologically backwards planet.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Hey! Blob!"
<Adry> Yes
<Adry> let's ope n it
<Surly> it's an mp3 player
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Is it safe to open that door?"
<MrsSteve> yeah, or no, depending on the consequences
<Adry> there could be more shiny things
<Capalert> Is there a window nearby?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Grmmmm! Is it safe to open the door?"
<zompist> ok, you open the door. inside is a smallish room with desks and bookshelves and weird machines and a couple of bunks.

* MrsSteve calls top bunk
<zompist> the slime is relaxing in one bunk

* Blackdeath examines the books
<zompist> at the desk, there's a pretty young woman

* Surly looks at the machines
<MrsSteve> okay, I'm KILLING THIS THING NOW 'KAY?
* Adry examines the woman
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Blackdeath - has there been any embezzling?
* Xengar says hi to the woman
* Capalert follows BLACK'S lead.
<MrsSteve> damn. i would have to be a straight female
<Surly> "Hello."
<zompist> the books are in an unknown language

<zompist> "er... hi."

<zompist> "grmmm, may i ask, what the hell are these people?"

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Are you the species you appear to be?"
* Blackdeath whips out his pocket universal translator
<Surly> "So what exactly is happening?"
<Ntilde> "Mr. Blob, I don't mean to be an alarmist, but where in the Sam Hill are we going?"
<Xengar> "so...what's going on?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "We're 'natives'. He kidnapped us."
<Surly> "His name is Grmmm"
<zompist> grmmm says, "these are the locals i bartered stuff for to fix the engine. you should thank me."

<Capalert> "And why is there a porno mag in the bookcase?"
<Surly> "Can you tell us what this shiney thing is?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Blobs And Knobs"?
* Blackdeath looks at the shiny thing again.
<zompist> "they're not locals," says the girl to grmmm. "why not?" "because now THEY'RE WITH US, you dolt!"

<MrsSteve> "Say, Grmm, I've got a trade for you... I'll stick you with my sword in exchange for your PAINFUL HORRIBLE DEATH"
* Blackdeath gives MrsSteve her ritalin.
<Adry> No, Mrs. Steve!
* Adry wrestles Mrs. Steve to the ground
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Don't Kill the PILOT, you twit.
<Surly> see, even kemlo knows
<MrsSteve> he's on a bunk! he ain't flyin' nothin
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Good point.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Anyone want to take the woman hostage?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I'd do it, but I have these donkey ears....
<Adry> Oh, me!
* Surly ponders using his dire flail as a full anasthetic
* Ntilde sits down with Mrs. Steve and starts making small talk to calm him down
<Adry> "Excuse me, Miss?"
* MrsSteve sticks the point of her sword on the most vital looking part of the mound
<Capalert> Okay, how's she dressed?
<MrsSteve> "HEY. I WANT SOME ANSWERS. NOW"
<Surly> "Anywyas, where are we, what is this shiney thing Grmm gave us, and what's your name?"
* Xengar asks the woman where we're heading
<Adry> "We're all a little confused. what is going on?"
<zompist> the girl takes out something that looks like a small crossbow and points it at steve

* Capalert slaps away the sword.
<Blackdeath> "Bye, Mrs. Steve!"
* Xengar aims his crossbow at the woman
<zompist> steve's sword penetrates the blob, to no evident effect

<Capalert> "Idiot..."
<Surly> sigh
<MrsSteve> ah, fuck
<zompist> "i'd suggest we all calm down, eh?" suggest the girl, brightly.

* LeeHarveyKemlo edges away from Xengar
<Surly> Feel free to toss him in an airlock
<Adry> oooh. iss he british?
* Blackdeath collapses in an armchair.
* Blackdeath thinks she's Canadian.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "We're perfectly calm. On average."
<Ntilde> Is that a real sword, or a fleshy sword?
<Capalert> Yes. CALM DOWN, dammit!
* MrsSteve walks over to the woman
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "If you include the rest of the party who's dead."
<Capalert> Now, back to the woman. What's she wearing?
<zompist> jeez, for once it's not kemlo who's attacking the superior beings

<Adry> i'm calm. I'm so cool you could store meat in me
<MrsSteve> Fine
<MrsSteve> I put my sword away
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I do learn from my mistakes.
<zompist> she's wearing a very fetching coat and a knee-length skirt

<MrsSteve> And I didn't 'attack' anyone
<MrsSteve> I was negotiating
<LeeHarveyKemlo> And I honestly thought the wizard mght be impressed by bravado.
<zompist> heh,negotiating

<Capalert> I briefly ogle her and go back to reading the books.
<zompist> ok, everybody's weapons down?

<Xengar> yup
<MrsSteve> yes. i put my sword away and put on my conversatiom hat
<zompist> i mean, i like to know if someone's attacking

<Ntilde> Yeah, my "weapon" is down.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> well, not *down*, but I put them away
<zompist> the girl puts down her weapon

<LeeHarveyKemlo> back up my sleeves, etc.
<MrsSteve> i remove my armor and lie in a vulnerable position
<Capalert> I'm reading. I don't need a weapon.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> exposing your belly?
* Adry fingers her garish quill, in case
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Adry, can't you wait until you're in private to do that?
<zompist> "that's nice. how about some introductions? i'm ensign mary sue $rmbowock, and this sorry piece of protoplasm is our mechanic, grmmm."

* Adry sticks her tongue out
<Capalert> I move behind her and examine the bookshelf behind her.
<MrsSteve> oh, and I apologize to the mound, who I knew wasn't a damn pilot
<Blackdeath> "$"?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> and keep that tongue in your mouth.
<Capalert> Oh shut up...
<Ntilde> "Hi. My name is ntilde. It looks like you're trying to write a
* letter. Would you like some help?"
<zompist> "it's hard to pronounce for people of your planet."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "#"?
<zompist> there's no room to get behind her, cap

<Adry> "So, come here often?"
<zompist> it's a small room

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "%"?
<Capalert> "I can see." I go up to her. "You wouldn't know what this treatise is about, would you?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> if it's not the pilot, can we kill it?
<zompist> "only when the turmicator's broken. your planet is under quarantine... but there's thingorid swarms nearby."

<Surly> "My name is Surley. Pleased ta meet ya and stuff."
* Adry is quite taken by ensign Mary Sue $rmbowock
* Blackdeath suggests we all go back to the tavern and drink heavily.
<Surly> thingorid?
<zompist> "that's Chem 101."

<Surly> Wern't those in Elite?
* MrsSteve suggests that $rmbowock hasn't had three kids
<LeeHarveyKemlo> *ahem*
<zompist> mary sue presses some buttons, and bottles of beer soon appear

<Blackdeath> "Thingorid" sounds like a poor name for an insecticide.
<Surly> "Why exactlty is our planet under quarantine?"
* Adry politely asks for a nonalchoholic beverage
<zompist> "kids? no, i'm not even attached. tho' i hope to meet my one true companion before the end of this scenario!"

<LeeHarveyKemlo> nah, "thingorid" is an anticoagulant neurotoxin
* Blackdeath waits for the melon-headed borgs to arrive.
<zompist> "surely, it's because you're... uh..."

<zompist> "...primitives."

* LeeHarveyKemlo *is* an expert on poisons
<Capalert> "You wouldn't happen to have a translation guide, would you? I don't understand these words..."
* MrsSteve pockets a bottle of beer
* Adry scratches her ass with her exacto. PRIMITIVES??
<Xengar> imports...fancy...
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Well, we're only primitives because of the demands of the plot."
<Surly> "You mean primitive as in us wanting to kill everything as soon as we meet them? I can believe that"
<Capalert> "Well, I wouldn't rule out Steve."
<Capalert> "Now...translation guide?"
<zompist> "well, the translator field unfortunately doesn't work on... well, we call these 'books', they contain dead representations of language."

* LeeHarveyKemlo scowls. "How stupid do you think we ARE?"
<zompist> "the computer might be able to read them to you."

* Blackdeath wonders how an advanced society couldn't come up with a working OCR system.
<zompist> "oh, i'm sorry, you already have writing?"

<Surly> "computer? sounds like a torture device"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Hell, we already have printing."
<zompist> "do you have ceremonial burial?"

<zompist> wait, wrong game

<Adry> HEY
<Surly> "Not really. We usually like to leave the corpses for the birds and stuff"
* Blackdeath doesn't like the way this conversation is going.
* Capalert nods his thanks, takes a quick glance at her hemline, and waltzes over to the computer to transalte the books.
* LeeHarveyKemlo waltzes with him
<LeeHarveyKemlo> You dance divinely.
<zompist> it's a very fetching hemline

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Fetch!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Good hemline!
<zompist> "would you like to meet the captain?"

<Blackdeath> "YES!"
* Xengar inspects the computer to see what version of windows it is running
<Capalert> Practically Callie Briggs type.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> these are superior beings. they don't use windows.
<zompist> mary sue sashays out of the room, and you all traipse along after her

<Capalert> "Computer, print up synopses on these books over here please."
* Xengar traipses
<MrsSteve> I don't traipse. I skulk.
* Blackdeath will wait for the movie.
<Capalert> No, man. I'm staying. I want to get educated.
* Adry flits
* Blackdeath follows Mary Sue
<zompist> she goes up to the end of the corridor, opens the door there

* Ntilde follows Mary Sue
<LeeHarveyKemlo> It's only traipse if we don't butcher her properly.
* zompist consults his damn map
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Aaaah!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> A damn map!
<Capalert> Aw hell..."Save the synopses for me. I'll be right back."
<zompist> er, along the way she went into the elevator next door

<LeeHarveyKemlo> We're on our way to Hell!
<Capalert> Yup, we're primitives alright.
<zompist> anyway, you end up in a big room loaded with machines, looking out at a sea of stars

<zompist> behind one console there's a large reptile.

<Blackdeath> "Bloody... We did leave the surface!"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> is that Jackie Gleason?
<Surly> "So what do these thingorid things look like?"
<zompist> "commander, grmmm made a little oopsie," says mary sue.

<Ntilde> "Whoa! What happened to the earth, dudes?"
<Capalert> "That's the captain, idiot."
<MrsSteve> so, explain to me how some arrows fixed a spaceship again?
<zompist> the reptile turns to face you all.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> I meant the sea of stars.....
<LeeHarveyKemlo> ahem
* MrsSteve looks around for the Professor
<zompist> mary sue fills him in

<Capalert> I gulp.
<Surly> they're magic arrows
<Capalert> Is that a euphemism?
* Blackdeath wonders out loud if she'll go sterile from carrying around radioactive arrows.
<Surly> Clarks law reversed
<zompist> the commander stands up, introduces himself: cmdr. (decorated foreleg) baphalomaug 4xi.

* Adry wets herself and cowers behind the rest pf the party
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "How do you spell that?"
<Blackdeath> "4"?
<Capalert> Hi, leg.
<zompist> "no time to sign autographs, boy... there's thingorid swarms around here."

<Surly> "Hi Commander"
* Blackdeath wonders out loud if the lizard is from Texas.
<Ntilde> "Pleased to meet you. It looks like you're trying to write a letter. Would you like some help?"
<Surly> "So what do these thingorid things look like?"
<zompist> "my apologies on our idiot slimeid picking you up. we'll get you back pronto."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "May we kill it?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Not that I personally want to
<Capalert> "What's a pronto?"
<Blackdeath> "What's a back?"
<zompist> "nice planet you've got, by the way."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> but some of our more exciteable companions may explode from frustration if we leave it alive."
<Ntilde> "What's a letter?"
<Surly> Kemlo, you can't kill the space lizsard until you hear the star trek fighting music
<Capalert> "You want it?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> no, I was asking the lizard if we can kill the blob.
<Blackdeath> "We're working on achiving industrialization so that we can pollute it to hell!"
<zompist> "the swarms are the most horrible of the several nations we are, despite our evident sophistication and civilization, in relentless war with."

<Ntilde> Ixnay on the ostility-hay until we and-lay!
<MrsSteve> I suggested killing the blob earlier
<LeeHarveyKemlo> well, I'm asking permission.
* Blackdeath wonders if the free MP3 player was worth all this hassle. It's worse than a time-share pitch.
<zompist> "grmmm is kind of hard to kill," mentions the commander. "don't think we haven't considered it."

<MrsSteve> takes some of the fun out of it.
<Capalert> "NOBODY'S killing ANYBODY unless THEY ATTACK FIRST! OKAY?!?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "What if we set fire to it?"
<zompist> the cabin shudders violently

* MrsSteve looks out the window
<Surly> she wouldn't need the tanning lotion, though
<zompist> "speaking of attacking..." says the caommander, grimly

<MrsSteve> "That was no laserblast! Something hit us!"
<Capalert> I'd like to concentrate subtly hitting on one girl at a time, thankyewverymuch.
<zompist> you see some spaceships, but the special effects are really kind of disappointing

<Blackdeath> Tenchi is just Three's Company in Space.
* Ntilde checks the spaceships to see if they're held up by string
<zompist> a huge dog bounds into the room

<Surly> pretty much, but with more nudity
<Capalert> "Good Lord. Is that...John Travolta?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> That's not a viewscreen, it's just papier-maché!
<zompist> and reports on damage suffered

<Ntilde> "Holy shit! That's a big fucking dog!"
<Blackdeath> Oh, this is a Samuel L. Goldwyn production?
* MrsSteve wets herself, unable to understand or comprehend any of this
<Surly> "Does this dog belong to you?"
<zompist> he's duly introduced-- lt. (tail permitted) aiiiiba, 2xp.

<Ntilde> "That dog is bigger than my first car!"
<Adry> oooh. dog...
* Capalert shrugs, and strikes up a nice conversation with mary sue.
<Blackdeath> "Dude, your first car was a Yugo.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "that dog is bigger than the hovel in which I was born!"
<Xengar> "I'll call you Spot!"
<Adry> "Excuse me, Lt? May I scratch behind your ears?"
<zompist> lt. aiiiiba, with evident interest, sniffs mrs steve's crotch

<LeeHarveyKemlo> is that sexual harassment?
* MrsSteve kicks the dog
<Ntilde> "That's just one huge gossamer fucking dog!"
<Capalert> Don't do that. She's a skank.
<Blackdeath> Oh no, he's going to find out the secret of "Mrs." Steve.
<Surly> Space Dog
* Adry reaches down and DOES scratch the Lt.
<zompist> cap: things seem to go well; mary sue is charming and intelligent

<zompist> aiiiiba purrs

* Adry giggles
* Blackdeath decides to hit on the captain before anyone else realizes that the only other partner is the blob.
<zompist> heh

* Capalert continues the conversation, trying to avoid any chauvenistic overtones.
<MrsSteve> good luck
<Xengar> dibs on the blob!
<zompist> "not now, almean; we have a battle to fight"

<Blackdeath> "So, we both evolved from dinosaurs!"
<Ntilde> "I swear, that dog is the size of Milburn Junior High!"
<Capalert> "You know...sometimes, I like to cry..."
<zompist> and as if in response, the cabin shudders theatrically

* Adry offers Aiiiba some bacon
<MrsSteve> "I volunteer"
* LeeHarveyKemlo picks through the control panels, looking for a self-destruct button (just in case)
<MrsSteve> "I want to kill something, lizard, sir!"
<Blackdeath> Do we get thrown from one side to the other as the camera tilts dramatically?
<Surly> "So what weapons will work best on these Thingoids?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> swords?
* Xengar asks Lt. Clifford for a damage report
<LeeHarveyKemlo> torches?
<zompist> "no, no, you're primitives, you couldn't possibly understand cybercrossbows and tele-VR-swordfighting," mutters the commander

<Blackdeath> Spray Cheeze?
<Ntilde> I could understand futuristic magic.
<Blackdeath> Cybercrossbows? Puh-leez.
* MrsSteve thinks she knows what might have had a possible influence on this adventure
<Xengar> "is that like our primitice crossbows and swords?"
<Ntilde> Try me. I have my highest score in IQ.
<zompist> "wait, commander!" pipes up mary sue. "these locals are, precisely, trained in the primitive equivalent of our sophisticated weaponry!"

<Capalert> "Well, sir, I have some stuff in the back the computer's printing out. I can learn quick..."
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "unlikely."
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Do you have any futuristic equivalents to my poisons?"
<Xengar> and we know DOS!
<Surly> "Is there a holodeck where we can go practice and stuff?"
<zompist> "oh, hell, it couldn't hurt," offers aiiiiba.

<Blackdeath> "Will we meet Wesley Crusher in the holodeck?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "No, I killed him on the way here."
<Adry> " DAMNIT AIIBA I'M AN ARTIST NOT A FIGHTER!"
<Capalert> How about I stay here and continue my rampart with mary sue?
<Surly> "You have that sharp x-acto knife"
<zompist> the commander reluctantly agrees. "send them to the neural net and let's see what they can do."

<Adry> "But I don't use it"
<Adry> did I ever get it out of that gnome?
<Xengar> I gotta kill something before bedtime....
<Surly> Neural net with Sandra Bullock
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Why don't you have any of your OWN people ready to do your fighting?"
* Blackdeath would like to point out that neural nets are useless, and what you really want is transsynapic feedback webs.
<Ntilde> OK, I'll walk over to the neural net.
* Ntilde whispers to Kemlo, "If we help them out, they'll help US out. Capiche?"
* MrsSteve prays to the Old Gods to please remove her from this frightening and confusing world-gone-mad
* zompist wrote down "neural net" on his map and he's sticking to it
* Blackdeath says, "Computer, end simulation."
* MrsSteve asks Ntilde what he just whispered
<zompist> but hey,it's a good idea

<Capalert> Oh, if anyone's gonna need healing, I'll be occupied for a while.
* Ntilde whispers to LEE HARVEY THE PEDANT, "If we help them out, they'll help US out. Capiche?"
<Surly> MrsSteve is just a simple cavewoman. All these new things frighten and confuse her.
<Blackdeath> "Sorry, Mrs. Steve. Looks like we're not going anywhere."
* LeeHarveyKemlo offers to put MrsSteve out of her misery
* MrsSteve asks what 'Capice' means?
<Xengar> "computer, venti latte, please"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "If you want to be removed from this frightening world, there's one sure way..."
<Blackdeath> "Computer, tea. earl grey. hot."
<zompist> so, anyway, who wants to be connected to the transsynapic feedback web?

<MrsSteve> me
<MrsSteve> i do
<Blackdeath> me! me!
<Xengar> me
<Surly> I do
<Adry> do they have futuristic exacto knives?
*** LeeHarveyKemlo is now known as PadreKemlo
<PadreKemlo> I now pronounce you husband and wife
<Adry> I will
<zompist> sure!

<Capalert> How's my conversation going?
<Adry> Hot damn!
<Surly> "Is there a artistic space weapon for my friend Adry?"
<Ntilde> I'll be connected to the web.
* Blackdeath wonders if her claws will be razor sharp in cyberspace.
<zompist> she's distracted right now, but you find the shipboard directory and write down her e-mail address

<Capalert> What's e-mail? I wanna do her now!
<MrsSteve> zomp@zompist.com
<Surly> You can email her on a crystal ball when we get home
<Xengar> hey, the neural net is full of porn spam!
<Capalert> Aw hell...might as well. I'll hook up.
<zompist> ok, aiiiba trundles you over to the neural net room, pokes horrible sharp things into your brains, and reality disappears.

<Surly> I have to go soon...
<MrsSteve> yay!
<Capalert> Not again...
<Adry> like any normal night
<LeeHarveyKemlo> *interspecies* porn spam
<Adry> awww...
<zompist> you seem to be on a flat plain, texturemapped with a huge picture of a naked canid

* Surly get a message with the title: 'space girls gone wild'
<zompist> obviously aiiiiba chose the wallpaper

<Blackdeath> A naked canid?
<Blackdeath> Ah.
<Adry> he has nice taste
<Surly> in bitches
<zompist> several fuzzy-looking, well-armed bat-type creatures face you

* Ntilde mentally submits about five million big fucking dog captions
* LeeHarveyKemlo sets fire to the bat creatures
* Xengar attacks the creatures
<Blackdeath> "Wings! This is my attack!"
* Surly checks his weapons and attacks
* MrsSteve checks to see what imaginary weapon she is carrying
* Capalert is on guard.
* Blackdeath extends her claws
* LeeHarveyKemlo can imagine a LOT of weapons
* Adry fires a ray out of her future exacto
<zompist> steve... hmmm, pick one

<MrsSteve> sword
* LeeHarveyKemlo imagines a neurotoxin specific to bat creatures
* Blackdeath attacks the third from the left.
* LeeHarveyKemlo dips his daggers in Bat Neurotoxin and throws them
* Adry fires at the nearest one
<zompist> there are eight of the fuzzy bats

* LeeHarveyKemlo doesn't bother retrieving the daggers and just imagines some more into existence
* MrsSteve attacks bat #1
* Ntilde fires a magic missile at bat #3
* Blackdeath imagines a 20-ton weight falling on the bats.
* Xengar attacks # 5
<Adry> I guess I'm attacking #8
<Ntilde> *POW!* *BIFF!* *THUD*
* Surly wields two giant imaginary katanas, and attacks
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs bat #2 and #4
<Blackdeath> Which actually appear in the air, as the sim was programmed by a Batman fan.
* LeeHarveyKemlo garottes bat #6
<Ntilde> (assorted trumpet sounds and cartoon illustrations of fight words)
<zompist> blackdeath: doesn't work, you need to use a weapon you're familiar with. muscle memory and all that.

* LeeHarveyKemlo stares. How did I have a garotte?
* Blackdeath counts arrows
<zompist> lee harvey does manage to stab bat #2

<maimes> oooh fireworks. ciao
<Adry> byeee
* Blackdeath fires at bat #7
* MrsSteve uses her big cheesly sword
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I don't need to bother grabbing back the dagger, do I?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I can just imagine a new one?
<zompist> ooh, these guys rolled up some nice hit points

* Surly switches his weapons to something resembling his pickaxe - two giant scythes
* Surly attacks
<Surly> trying to reap the bats
<zompist> surley attacks and scores! bat #5 is hit

* Adry slashes the air at #8, her exacto firing
* LeeHarveyKemlo pulls out a cloud of shuriken and hurls them at bat #6
<zompist> what happened to xengar?

<Xengar> I attacked # 5!
<Surly> And I gave it a good slicin'
<Ntilde> Did I hit #3 with the magic missile?
<zompist> oh, there you are. unfortunately the bat bites you, instead... -3 hp

<LeeHarveyKemlo> how about #6 with the shuriken?
<Xengar> doh!
<Blackdeath> I attacked #3 with my claws o' death, and fired a glowing bolt at #7.
* Surly whirls into the bats - scythe blades a-twirl
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs another bat at random
* Blackdeath would like to know if she should fly above the melee.
* Adry cries and throws rocks at #8
<zompist> blackdeath's talons scrape a good swath into #3

<LeeHarveyKemlo> dammit, what about my shuriken?
* Ntilde fires the other magic missile spell at #1
<Adry> aiee!
<zompist> ooh, a rock hits #8 for minimal damage

<Adry> Yes!
<Adry> FUTURISTIC High TECH ROCKS
* Capalert edges in and strikes #3
* Xengar fires bolts at #8
* LeeHarveyKemlo swipes at #6 with my bag of knives
<zompist> magic missile hits bat #1, who shrieks horribly

* Blackdeath fires another glowing bolt at #2
<zompist> xengar hits #8, who now looks very fuzzy indeed

* Adry lunges at bat 8 and stabs with her exacto
* MrsSteve attacks a bat
* Ntilde picks up a rock and throws it at #1
* Surly attacks all the bats, starting with the nearest one
<zompist> one of the bats bites blackdeath (-4 hp)

* LeeHarveyKemlo shoves a torch into the bat's open mouth
* Blackdeath flys up and away from the battle, raining death from above!
* LeeHarveyKemlo kicks the bat in the jaw
<zompist> mrs steve swings his sword right at a bat, managing to cleave it in two

<Adry> can we really be hurt in a simulation?
* Xengar fires bolts at #8 to try and finish him off
<zompist> it regroups, but it looks fuzzier and unhappier

<LeeHarveyKemlo> do you want to find out?
* Capalert takes another attempt and attacks #3.
<MrsSteve> i rule
* Adry stabs 8 some more
<LeeHarveyKemlo> what about the one that I set fire to?
<zompist> darts are your weapon of choice, dengar...

<Xengar> this reminds me of brooklyn
<zompist> xengar. anyway, you succeed... #8 is out of play.

<Blackdeath> EVEYTHING reminds you of Brooklyn.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> what about the one that I set fire to?
<Adry> what's left?
* Surly takes out all his agression on the bats
<Adry> 1-7?
* MrsSteve attacks other bats
* Adry stabs #5
<Xengar> yea, those were some good days...
<zompist> lee harvey, you find that fire only shows you vital statistics on the bat you're attempting to flame.

* Blackdeath fires a bolt at #4.
* Xengar attacks #5
<Capalert> I ATTACK #3!!
* Ntilde picks up a big simulated rock and throws it at #6
<zompist> for instance, you learn that #7 is a class iv swarmlet named dave

<LeeHarveyKemlo> ah
<zompist> capalert misses

<Blackdeath> "Dave! Phone!"
<Surly> Kill dave!
<zompist> blackdeath's bolt half-fried #4!

<Capalert> "Hi dave!" *Kick to the crotch*
<Blackdeath> "I Rock!"
<Surly> 'Kill crush destroy hit swipe thwack'
<zompist> oopsie, ntilde gets a bite (-2)

* MrsSteve swings at anything with wings except black death
* LeeHarveyKemlo implements a DDoS on Dave
* Adry throws more rocks at 5
* Blackdeath fires a bolt at #4 to finish the job.
* Surly goes all mideival on several bats at once
<Adry> oooh.
<Ntilde> Damn. I'm out of magic missiles, right?
* Adry flings pencils
* LeeHarveyKemlo kicks Dave in the chin
* Blackdeath hopes that firing simulated bolts does not use up bolts back in reality.
<zompist> steve swishes right through #6, doing some nice damage

<zompist> ntilde: yup, sorry

* Adry writes a nasty letter to the editor. weapon of choice indeed!
<Surly> Adry, use a semi-automatic pencil blaster
* Xengar fires bolts at # 5
<zompist> xengar is bitten fiercely, for 6 hp damage

* LeeHarveyKemlo slices dave from sternum to crotch
<LeeHarveyKemlo> then jumps backwards
* Adry loads the blaster with a #8hb
<zompist> sternum to crotch? on a fuzzy bat?

* Blackdeath flies a little higher above the battle.
<Ntilde> Huh. Can I attack with anything else?
<zompist> try a dagger, elk

<LeeHarveyKemlo> approximate sternum to approximate crotch
<Capalert> Okay, I start healing Xengar.
* LeeHarveyKemlo passes Ntilde some daggers
* MrsSteve swings at another bat, clearly on a roll
<Ntilde> Oh, okay. I'll take out my dagger and start slicing at #1.
<zompist> one of the bats flies as high as blackie

* Xengar thanks cap
* Surly attacks with furious anger and vengeful justice
* Blackdeath fires at the bat chasing me!
* LeeHarveyKemlo grabs a crossbow and shoots it at the bat
<zompist> it swoops in and bits blackdeath on the neck (-5 hp)

<MrsSteve> how many hp do I have?
* Adry stabs at #5 some more
<Blackdeath> "This simulated sky ain't big enough for the both of us!"
<zompist> this kind of spoils your aim, and you miss, blackdeath

<Surly> dog fight!
<zompist> steve: 11

<LeeHarveyKemlo> they don't LOOK like dogs....
* Blackdeath attacks her attacker with the talons o' death
<Surly> bat fight!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> how many are left?
<zompist> dog fight? no, aiiiiba is busy navigating the craft

<Capalert> I heal blackdeath too.
<zompist> only 1 is dead

<LeeHarveyKemlo> WHAT?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> *only* one?
* MrsSteve attacks the bat he wounded
<zompist> hyup

<Capalert> Okay, now stop getting hurt people!
* Surly tries to see how fast a scythe can go through a virtual bat
* Xengar fires bolts at # 5
* Adry stabs #5 like crazy
<LeeHarveyKemlo> are they open to bribery?
<zompist> xengar is ok... blackdeath recovers some, but not fully

<zompist> lee harvey, your distinguished daggeriness manages to dispatch an entire bat

* LeeHarveyKemlo picks up the bat's severed head and shoves it on like a hat
* Surly tries to kick bat ass
<LeeHarveyKemlo> this represents bat spaceships , right?
<zompist> unfortunately they kind of dissipate when they die.

* Ntilde stabs bat #6
<LeeHarveyKemlo> I should be able to have a bit of control over the other bats like this?
<Surly> Yea, like Ender's Game
* Xengar uses his dagger on #5
<zompist> suddenly a bunch of rocks come at you

* Surly tries to give a bat a scythe-blade lobotomy
* Adry stabs and stabs and stabs and stabs and stabs #5
* MrsSteve puts up her shield
<Capalert> DODGE!
<Adry> can I throw rocks at the rocks?
* Surly hugs the ground
* Blackdeath drags her talons through the nearest bat!
* Xengar ducks
* MrsSteve attacks things on autopilot for a moment
* Surly tries to evade the rocks, or at least get a bat in it's path
* LeeHarveyKemlo POUNCES on a live bat, slices its head open, and forces his own head inside.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> NOW can I control them a bit?
<Blackdeath> "What if you fuse into a hideous semi-bat creature?"
* Adry dives under kemlo
<zompist> surley's maneuvers, oddly enough, succeed: he distracts a bat enough that it doesn't see a rock coming, and perishes

* Surly attacks on autopilot
<zompist> that was bat #4

<LeeHarveyKemlo> do I have any control over my bat creature?
<Capalert> Am I impressing Mary Sue?
<zompist> kemlo, you don't succeed in even killing your bat, sorry

* MrsSteve attacks whatever bat looks already wounded
* Blackdeath would like the status on the bat chasing her.
<zompist> cap: yes, but no more than everyone else

<LeeHarveyKemlo> but am I controlling it?
<zompist> steve dispatches her bat!

<LeeHarveyKemlo> how?
<Ntilde> Do I have a bat following me?
* Xengar tries to sneak up on a bat ans slit its throat with his dagger
* LeeHarveyKemlo sighs, and stabs the bat repeatedly in the throat
* Capalert charges in and works over #5 with the mace.
* Blackdeath attacks the nearest bat with her talons
* Adry is still stabbing #5 futilely
<zompist> capalert and blackie both succeed on their bats

* Surly tries to use the scythes as giant scissors on a bat
<Capalert> Hoo-wah!
* Xengar goes to help adry kill #5
* MrsSteve attacks the next weakest-looking bat
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs his bat in the face
<zompist> working together, you manage to dispatch bat #5

* Blackdeath fires a bolt at an unattended bat.
* Xengar high fives adry
<zompist> 3 are left, but they're mothers

<LeeHarveyKemlo> would SOMEONE hold this thing down so I can finish killing it?
* Adry reciprocates
* Capalert takes an Ichiro Suzuki-like batting stance and whacks the nearest bat in the face.
<zompist> #1-#3, as it happens

* MrsSteve attacks bat #1
* Xengar runs over to assist kemlo
* Blackdeath fires at #2
* LeeHarveyKemlo is perched on #3
<MrsSteve> swinging two-handed like a killing machine
<LeeHarveyKemlo> stabbing and stabbing
<zompist> two bats bite surley!

<LeeHarveyKemlo> hold it down!
* Xengar is attacking #3 w./ Kemlo
<zompist> but only weakly (-2 hp)

<Adry> NOOO!
* Adry stands back and hurls rocks at #2
<LeeHarveyKemlo> kill kill kill kill
<zompist> xengar and kemlo do some good damage to #3

* Xengar holds down #2 for Kemlo
* Surly screams his battle cry and throws one of the scythes at bat #1 while attacking with the other scythe
* Ntilde tries to hold onto #1 so Steve can attack it
* LeeHarveyKemlo begins sawing off #2's head
<zompist> a light bulb appears over bat #1's head

* LeeHarveyKemlo smashes the light bulb
* Capalert takes a Julio Franco-like batting stance and whacks the nearest bat in the face hoping it would work.
* Adry accidentally hits kemlo with a rock. Sorry, I was attacking it!
* Surly tries to smooch the lightbulb
<Surly> smoosh
<Ntilde> smooch?
<Surly> smash
<zompist> all three bats gang up on mrs steve, biting and savagely pummeling (-10 hp)

<Ntilde> *POW!* *BIFF!* *KISS!*
* Xengar stabs #3 in the eye
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs bat #3 in the back again
* Surly attacks while they're distracted
<MrsSteve> oh, swell
* MrsSteve slashes at them
* Blackdeath attempts to pull off a bat with talons
* LeeHarveyKemlo offers to euthanise MrsSteve
<zompist> xengar and kemlo do some serious damage to #3

<zompist> it's very fuzzy and weak now

<LeeHarveyKemlo> dammit, will SOMEONE ELSE help us here?
<Capalert> I heal Steve.
* Surly tries to finish #3 off
* LeeHarveyKemlo kicks #3 in the face a few times
<MrsSteve> if they're ganging up one me, they should be easier for me to hit
<Adry> I'm throwing rocks at #2
* Xengar tries to gut #3
<Surly> Adry, try throwing razer sharp artistic utensils
<Adry> I'm really more of a talker than a fighter
<LeeHarveyKemlo> what happens if I throw poison on the open wounds of #3?
<zompist> bats #1 and #2 peel off, swoop down on xengar, bite furiously (-10 hp)

* Adry flings her blades
* Blackdeath fires a bolt at #2
* Capalert walks over to #3, takes a Jim Leyritz-like batting stance, and whacks the bat in the face.
<MrsSteve> let's all gang up on 1, like they're doing
* Surly tries to slice open a bat
<LeeHarveyKemlo> let's finish with #3 first
* Xengar ignores the pain and keeps gutting #3
<zompist> lee harvey, when you throw poisons, it somehow opens up a financial application and calculates you a mortgage

* LeeHarveyKemlo BASHES #3 in the head area
* Blackdeath fires at bolt at #2
* LeeHarveyKemlo poisons #3
<LeeHarveyKemlo> and repossesses its home
<zompist> les harvey and blackdeath both hit #2

* Blackdeath wonders if he can initiate a core dump.
<zompist> but it's still big and relatively in-focus

<LeeHarveyKemlo> is #3 dead yet?
* Blackdeath fires a bolt at #2's eyes.
<zompist> no, but it's not feeling at all well

* Capalert mutters "screw the batting stances", and starts beating #3 in the head with the mace yelling "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"
* Ntilde throws another rock at #3
* Xengar finishes off # 3
<LeeHarveyKemlo> what if I pee in its open wounds?
* Surly attacks with matrix-like kung-fu
* Blackdeath attacks #3 with talons
* MrsSteve leaps onto 3 and stabs a bunch like a big stabbing wounded woman
<zompist> #1 and #2 team up for a gang-bite on capalert (-8 hp)

* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs #1 in the chest quickly
<zompist> meanwhile, the rest of you manage to put #3 out of its misery

* Adry rushes up and stabs at #2
* Xengar turns to # 2
* Blackdeath fires a bolt at #2
* Xengar stabs # 2
<Capalert> I heal myself.
<Xengar> repeatedly
* Surly tries to slice #2 again and again
<zompist> unfortunately you're all out of cures, cap

* Adry offers to draw #2, nude
<zompist> however, the multiple attack on #2 works very well

<Blackdeath> Mmmmm... furry bat porn!
* Xengar attacks on autopilot for a few moments
<zompist> it's still alive, but quite fuzzy

<MrsSteve> er yeah, i attack whichever we're all attacking
<Surly> Again!
<Capalert> Oh...yeah...two...sorry...
* LeeHarveyKemlo kicks a foot right through #2's head
* Blackdeath attacks #1
<Capalert> Do we have healing potions?
<Adry> mmm.. fuzzy
<Blackdeath> with talons
* Ntilde tries to pull up a command prompt and type in "rm -f /dev/bats/1"
* MrsSteve remembers carefree days of poking mounds
<Surly> Dwaine had a healing spell
* Adry can't help herself, and reached out to pet the fuzzy bat
* LeeHarveyKemlo slaps Adry
<zompist> ouch! #1 and #2 gang up on adry, hit, and adry finds herself back in the neural net room

<LeeHarveyKemlo> DON'T
* Adry cries
<Surly> noo!
<zompist> it's the dice, mon

<Adry> Eeee!
<Surly> "this is for Adry you bastards!"
<Adry> Glad to be out of there
* Surly attacks furiousle
* Blackdeath attacks #1 with a bolt
<zompist> blackie knocks some of the tar outta #1

* Adry roots for the team
* Capalert attacks #1 with a flying boot to the head.
* Ntilde decides he's low on hit points and tries to avoid the melee for a bit
* MrsSteve attacks #1 like she's blocking my way at a spring sale
* LeeHarveyKemlo holds out his knives and whirls like a knife-wielding dervish
* Adry makes small talk with aiiba
* Surly attacks furiously again
<zompist> i don't think you ever got hit, ntilde

<Capalert> No, he did.
<MrsSteve> Ntilde, ya pansy!
<Ntilde> Yeah, I got hit twice. I'm down 5 hp.
<MrsSteve> I have 1 left, ya don't see me running!
* Blackdeath fires bolts at #1 like they're going out of style.
* zompist makes a note of it
<Ntilde> OK, Steve, them's fightin' words. I'll attack #1.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> what happens if I try to garotte a bat?
<zompist> they are, they are so last season

* Surly attacks on autopilot
<zompist> kapow! zwing! pop! bat #1 succumbs!

* MrsSteve hacks as if the bat had said her ass looked fat in this outfit
* LeeHarveyKemlo calculates Bat #2's mortgage!
<zompist> #2 peels off, teams up with... with... #2 looks fuzzy and confused

<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> KILL IT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> ahem
* MrsSteve attacks #2 as if it accused her of bleaching her roots
* Xengar swipes furiously at # 2
* Blackdeath fires bolts at #2.
<zompist> it manages to peck 1 hp out of capalert

<Adry> go team!
* Blackdeath pecks at #2.
<Adry> by which I mean the non-bats
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs #2 in the neck
* Xengar tries to bite # 2
* Capalert counters with a spinning mace strike to the solar plexus.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> tell me that wasn't a deliberate pun
* MrsSteve attacks #2 as if it made a move on her boyfriend
* LeeHarveyKemlo attacks #2 as if he was being paid to do so
<zompist> #2 tries some evasive action, but you all manage to bring it down in simulated flames

* Xengar dances a jig
* Blackdeath attacks #2 as if the act could cause a numerical quantity to decrease.
<Capalert> *VICTORY DANCE*
<LeeHarveyKemlo> wait, I thought the flames only reported on the bat's stats
<zompist> one final big rock comes up very, very close

* Adry has aiiba teach her how to order tea on the computer
<Xengar> dodge!
<zompist> there's a big shuddering boom and the VR shuts off.

* Capalert shakes his head and smiled.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> This had better not have just been a practice session.
<Xengar> can they get virtual valerie on that thing?
<Ntilde> Uh, shouldn't they have executed the shutoff procedure first?
* Adry offers towels
<zompist> you unhook yourselves from the net... it's eerily quiet, and you feel rather queasy

* MrsSteve boots all over mary sue
<LeeHarveyKemlo> so, are they destroyed?
* Blackdeath wonders if the disk will need salvaging.
<zompist> especially when the artificial gravity conks out, and you all fall against the left wall

<LeeHarveyKemlo> can we go HOME now?
* Surly floats around
* Adry vomits
<Capalert> Aw shazbot.
* Blackdeath starts humming "Blue Danube."
<Capalert> Is there anyone there?
<zompist> aiiiba staggers in, stinking of bodily excretions

<Surly> the vomit globs go everywhere
<zompist> "damn it all to hell," he says.

<Surly> Rule 1 of space travel: never vomit
<Capalert> Toilet plugged up?
<Surly> "Is there a problem?"
* Adry offers aiiiba a towel... er.. they're all flaoting away!
<MrsSteve> i refuse to talk to a dog
<zompist> "you guys... magnificent... killed 'em all... too bad i couldn't avoid that asteroid."

<zompist> and he expires

<Blackdeath> Noooo!
<Adry> Oh B(
<Surly> poor doggie
* MrsSteve wonders what an asteroid is
<Adry> what did he die of? wetting himself?
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs aiiiba a few times.
<Ntilde> Poor puppy!
* MrsSteve searches the dead stinky dog for treasure and xp and squeaky toys
<zompist> some sort of telepathic presence offers a footnote: "big rock in sky"

<Capalert> Oh. Okay.
<zompist> mary sue comes in, crying

<LeeHarveyKemlo> y'know - in a perfunctory way.
* LeeHarveyKemlo offers to stab Mary Sue too.
* MrsSteve smacks her
<Capalert> I comfort her and asks whats wrong.
* Ntilde gives Kemlo a big kick
<Blackdeath> Does anybody know how to revive the dead? Can we transfer the life essence of Mary Sue to the dog? The dog was more interesting.
<MrsSteve> "Shape up, ensign! Big rock from sky hit flying room all the time!"
<Capalert> I'm trying to go to BED with her, Blackie!
<Surly> And we're out of ressurrection spells
<zompist> "it's just been a bad day all around," says mary sue.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> I bet we could live for a WEEK on that much meat.
* Adry fingers her quill
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Dammit, Adry, can't you wait until you're in private?
<Capalert> Who cares? We take it to an inn, rest a while, and bam! Good as new!
* Ntilde peeks around the room for treasure and shit
<Blackdeath> Shouldn't the dog go into the deep freeze? Is's starting to smell.
* MrsSteve puts her sword to Mary Sue's neck. "Okay, sister, yer taking us back right now."
<zompist> "first we crash on your pretty but backward planet... then

* grmmm forgets to get rid of you after selling you the trinkets..."
<zompist> "then we get attacked... thanks for saving our lives and all, by the way... then we crash land on the asteroid."

<zompist> and she breaks down sobbing.

<Surly> "we're in an asteroid?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> kill her. kill her now.
<Adry> uhm. who here can use ressurection spells?
* Capalert slaps the sword away. "You only got 1 hp, y'know..."
<Ntilde> "It was our pleasure to help you. Can you help us now?"
<zompist> she perks up. "on, we say. on an asteroid."

* MrsSteve shakes ger until she snaps out of it
<LeeHarveyKemlo> seriously, though, Adry's magic quilldemon can get us out of here.
* Capalert puts his arm around her shoulder.
<MrsSteve> did we really lose hp? or was that just virtual hp?
<Adry> I don't want the doggy to die!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Just draw this entire scenario not having happened.
<zompist> "the commander's hurt bad," she continues. "all that can save him is some seral jelly."

<zompist> that'd be quite a picture, kemlo

<Surly> Seral jelly, is that the 'to be continued' kind?
<zompist> depends on you all...

<Blackdeath> Can't we go back in time? They always go back in time when somebody interesting dies.
<Surly> It's time for me to go to bed
<Capalert> Kill the blob! He's jelly!
<zompist> if you want to hang it up for now, we can continue later

<Surly> nite all!
<MrsSteve> i'm guessing this asteroid has some jelly on it. it's a jelly asteroid
<Ntilde> Is seral jelly related to naval jelly?
<Adry> could I still draw a resurrection scroll or something being used on lt. dog?
<MrsSteve> can I stab this bitch before we quit?
<zompist> "no, no... it's on the thingorid ships."

<MisterQ> It's like KY Jelly, but better
<LeeHarveyKemlo> so? she;s supposed to be the artist. She should be able to draw.
<MrsSteve> how many xp did my badself get?

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!