The Story So Far : The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone (Episodes 98-105 5/24/01)

SWHC

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



<LeeHarveyKemlo> enhanced hearing, right?
<zompist> wtf?

<LeeHarveyKemlo> donkey ears?
<zompist> gosh, it's unlike raven to miss this.

<Ntilde> Well, she's moving tomorrow, isn't she?
<zompist> kemlo, it's nice to see you learning so much from your experiences taunting enormously powerful wizards.

<Adry> this Can NOT be it...
<zompist> heh. well, we can wait a few minutes to see if anyone else shows up.

<zompist> otherwise we'll just go out and kill something.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> in verdurian days, a hint of stocking / was looked on as something shocking....
<LeeHarveyKemlo> so, where were we last time?
<Ntilde> In Verduria.
<Adry> burying you
<zompist> see http://www.zompist.com/swdd.html for the story so far.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> I thought I survived, only with enhanced hearing.
* zompist records everybody's hit points
<zompist> ok. you're all hanging around in vyat, a nice little city on the svetla river, recovering from the elrei concert.

* LeeHarveyKemlo is picking cotton out of my freakishly-oversized ears
<Ntilde> Ugh. My ears are ringing.
<Adry> is it the same night, or the next morning?
* Ntilde lets his ears ring, then roll over to voice mail
<zompist> next morning, adry

* Adry rubs her bruises
<LeeHarveyKemlo> hey, is there cotton in this milieu?
<zompist> sure

<LeeHarveyKemlo> oh, okay.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> how about boll weevils?
<Ntilde> How about nylon?
<Adry> strap-ons?
<Pontiac> Just cotton!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> in the jungle, the mighty jungle....
<zompist> the four of you feel like putting in some overtime adventuring on your own. and coincidentally, there's a ruined city just across the river.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> sounds good to me
<Adry> wait, I want my pencil
<LeeHarveyKemlo> then again, everything sounds good with this freakishly-oversized ears.
<zompist> your pencil?

<Adry> my enchanted pencil
<Ntilde> Is this the same one with the gargoyles?
<Adry> it was supposed to be done in the morning
<zompist> it is, as it happens, ntilde

<Adry> we traded ntilde's scrolls for it
* LeeHarveyKemlo listens carefully for gargoyles....
<zompist> adry: so true. you can stop by the magic shop if you like.

<Adry> I think
<LeeHarveyKemlo> how much do I owe the magician for giving me enhanced hearing?
<zompist> i never heard that donkeys are that hot with hearing.

<Adry> better keep those under wraps, Lee. People might think you're a demon.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> zomp - they are.
<zompist> so, magic shop or not?

<LeeHarveyKemlo> even aside from the larger sensory radius
<Adry> Magic Shop for me
* Ntilde films Kemlo and submits the audition tape to MTV's "Jackass"
<Pontiac> Magic shop for me.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> they can perceive sounds above and below human hearing
<LeeHarveyKemlo> not as good as a dog or a cat
* Ntilde tags along to the magic shop, but doesn't think he can buy anything
<LeeHarveyKemlo> but pretty damn good just the same.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> so, do we go into the magic shop?
<zompist> ok. you open the door; the magician is sitting on his little chair, reading a copy of "dwarves and big-boobed dwarven women."

<Adry> "Oooh, is that the current issue?"
* Adry walks up to the magician
* Adry stands there grinning like an idiot
<zompist> "wahl, howdy thar, missy. you come for that there drorin' magic, eh?"

<Adry> "A'yup."
* Ntilde walks in too and makes the bell ding above the door
<Adry> "If it's no trouble..."
* LeeHarveyKemlo strolls in, ducking the bell
<Pontiac> That bell will kill somebody...
<zompist> the magician hands you a garish purple feather pen.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Incidentally, how much do I owe you for these enhanced ears?"
<Ntilde> "And how much would it cost to enhance his sense of perception?"
<zompist> the magician guffaws.

<Adry> "A Pen?"
<Pontiac> "Not to mention his lack of social grace? Will that get improved?"
<Adry> "I think he needs the mouth of a snail"
<zompist> "ah'd give you the brain to go with, but it'd be lahk bringin' coals to that place over in zeir that has all the coal."

<zompist> "right. missy, now here's how that there thang works."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "No, thank you, the ears will be fine. How much do I owe you?"
* Adry wriggles, attentivey
<Adry> attentavely?
* LeeHarveyKemlo sits back and waits
<zompist> "thar's a demon bound to that there quill pain."

*** raven is now known as BlackDeath
<zompist> (hiya, blackdeath)

<Adry> "Is he Happy there?"
<zompist> "whatever you draw, he'll do his damndest... and he *is* damned... to make it happen. 'cos, y'see, if he does it ten times ah let him go free."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "If the demon somehow escapes, would it be necessary to kill it, or would it just flee?"
<zompist> "aw, he won't do no escapin' before the ten times is up."

<LeeHarveyKemlo> ".... ah, okay. So he'll be getting free anyway. No need to kill him, then."
<Adry> "IS it safe once he escapes?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Just a professional interest, you know."
<zompist> "ah should warn you though, missy... he ain't that bright a demon, and he can be mischievous."

<Adry> "He wouldn't do anything to KILL me though, would he? Then who would use the pen?"
<zompist> "so ah advise you to keep your drorin's clear, with no possibility of misunderstandin.' 'cos if he can understand 'em amiss, miss, he will, if you get me."

* Ntilde starts making twitching little motions like he'd like to buy something
* Adry bows to the dwarf
<Erik> hmm...
<Adry> "Thank you very much, sir!"
* Adry goes to the back, thinking
<Pontiac> "Eh, nothing I wanna buy here..."
<zompist> "ah've warned him right clear-like not to do you no harm. just don't get to drorin' yourself in difficulties."

* Ntilde walks up to the counter
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "So, like I said, the enhanced ears are fine.... I don't suppose I could buy some enhanced eyes?"
<Ntilde> "So. What'cha got for a third-level magician such as me?"
<zompist> "an' don't draw no ab-strak art. or vague sketches. that's jest askin' for trouble."

* Ntilde wonders when Kemlo will get the point that the ears are a curse, not a blessing
<Adry> "Even if they're EROTIC sketches?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> Ntilde - oh, I know they were *supposed* to be a curse.
<zompist> the magician laughs. "them is reasonably safe, i'd say."

<Adry> "That's all I needed to know! well, not ALL... "
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "But I'd be a pretty piss-poor assassin if I couldn't turn something like this to my advantage."
* Pontiac walks up to Kemlo, gets right in his face, and screams very loudly "THE EARS ARE A FUCKING *CURSE*! *NOT* A BLESSING!!"
* LeeHarveyKemlo winces
<zompist> "any other questionin's, missy?"

* Erik thinks Pontiac is acting more like Bill Hicks.
<Adry> "Hmm, none that I can think of. Any other warnins?"
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "By the way, shopkeeper, I hear someone trying to break in to your back window."
<zompist> "right! well, pleasure doin' bidness with you."

<Pontiac> "You and I chat politics on your fuckin' front porch while your fuckin' wife wiggles a fuckin' dong...."
* Ntilde walks up to the counter
<Ntilde> "So. What'cha got for a third-level magician such as me?"
<zompist> "s'all right, donkey boy. th' air elementals'll fry him right proper, if you're tellin' the truth."

* LeeHarveyKemlo listens......
<zompist> "find some more of them scrolls, son, and we'll talk."

<Pontiac> "Ooops. I shouldn't channel 20th century comedians now."
* Erik snkkts at Pontiac's comment
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Ah, with the sizzling and the flesh bubbling and the bones popping?"
<Ntilde> "Damn. I lost a scroll already. Is there a lost and found around here?"
<zompist> "naw, tha'ss my wife. she's fryin' up a mess o' catfish. an' smells like they're right done, so i'll be saying good day to y'all."

<Erik> mmmmmmmm....... catfish.
<zompist> the magician and his outrageous accent disappear, literaly.

<Pontiac> "Catfish, buttermilk, hush puppies...mmmmmm!"
<zompist> the world goes dark for a minute, and you find yourselves walking along the river bridge.

<zompist> amazing things, jump cuts!

<Adry> they're scary!
* Ntilde slaps the film editor with a large codfish
* LeeHarveyKemlo 's ears flicker
<zompist> the river looks large, wet, and burbly.

<Erik> "what kind of phyco rat bastard would play this music right at THIS MOMENT!?!?"
<Pontiac> And polluted!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "mmmm, burbles sound so much better with huge ears."
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "it's almost..... hallucinatory."
<Pontiac> Look! Chemicals being spilled into the river!
<zompist> across the river, the ruins of cantiego shine bone-white as the sun peeks out momentarily from darkening, ominous clouds

<LeeHarveyKemlo> "I hear..... thunder... in the distance."
* Erik grabs another beer form his pack.
<Erik> it's gonna be a long road.
<zompist> and indeed, you soon hear a small herd of cattle rattling down the highway

* LeeHarveyKemlo gets defensive.
<Adry> they're so cute...
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Hey, I've only had these ears for a day and night. I can't be expected to identify the stuff I hear this soon."
<Ntilde> Can I borrow Leth's spell of silence?
* Pontiac sings "The Thunder Rolls".
<BlackDeath> (So where are we headed?)
* Adry puts on her spectacles
<LeeHarveyKemlo> (the city with the gargoyles)
<zompist> the edge of the ruins have a little sign: "welcome to the ruined city of cantiego! we hope your stay is pleasant, as long as you survive. thanks for coming, the monsteragement."

* BlackDeath scouts the ruins for activity.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> anyway, I brewed up a fresh batch of silicide, which *should* be toxic to gargoyles
<Erik> "look for a coloring book!"
<zompist> a very large pterodactyl sights blackdeath and heads in her direction

<LeeHarveyKemlo> anyone want to dip their weapons in it?
<Adry> "I Want to dip my balls in it!"
* BlackDeath gets her talons ready and keeps her distance from the ptero.
<Adry> wow, old quote
<Adry> ee, watch out blackdeath!
<zompist> oh, kem, re poisons. why don't you tell me, right now, what poisons you are carrying. i'll limit you to a six-pack.

<LeeHarveyKemlo> okay, let's see -
<LeeHarveyKemlo> four shots of silicide (kills rock creatures)
<LeeHarveyKemlo> four of nerve toxin
<LeeHarveyKemlo> four sleeping potions
<Pontiac> "That pterodactyl's getting too close..."
<LeeHarveyKemlo> and I suppose four of paralytics
<Adry> they should be one-per
<LeeHarveyKemlo> the latter three kinds only work on organics
<zompist> monsters are a varied lot, kemlo. "organics" is way too wide a group.

<Erik> and a italian bolt action rifle?
<Ntilde> As long as we're inventing stuff, I'm carrying a Lady Visa and a Master of the Card.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> well, anything based on humanoid life
<zompist> all 3 work only on humanoids?

<Adry> I have a Mona Visa. I get a special discount on art supplies
<zompist> while kemlo's pondering that-- blackdeath, you still in the open air?

<LeeHarveyKemlo> the sleepers and the paralytics work only on humanoids, the nerve toxin works on mammals
<LeeHarveyKemlo> however, monsters may not be mammals, I grant
<BlackDeath> yes, although I'm avoiding the ptero and moving towards cover.
<Ntilde> I'm carrying a big fucking Q-tip to clean out Kemlo's ears as needed.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> and no, pterodactyls aren't mammals
<Erik> they are plants.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> zomp - that specific enough?
<Pontiac> "FIND THE FUCKIN' PTERODACTYL REPELLANT, MAN! GOOD GOD!!"
<Ntilde> They're airplanes. Pterodactylys have wings and fly. Airplanes have wings and fly. Therefore, pterodactyls are airplanes.
<zompist> well, the more specific the group, the more likely your poison will work.

<Erik> "WE CAN'T STOP HERE! THIS IS Pterodactyl COUNTRY!"
* Ntilde keeps an eye out for the pterodactyl just in case it gets dangerous, and checks the pterodactyl to see if it has clearance to land
<zompist> the pterodactyl lands on a huge column... you can all see it now.

* Adry wets herself
* LeeHarveyKemlo listens to the sound of the pterodactyl breathing.....
* BlackDeath takes cover in a nearby small niche.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "there's something wrong with the way it's breathing."
<Erik> there is one way for handling Pterodactylys. let the bastard chase you!
<zompist> anyway... you're still not far from the entrance. the gargoyle temple is up the road a piece.

* Pontiac stands on the path, just watching it...and waiting for someone to invent an uzi for the damn thing!
* LeeHarveyKemlo takes a dagger from his satchel and dips it in a shot of Silicide, just in case
* BlackDeath greets the ptero, making sure her spot is too small for the beast to reach. "Hello there!"
<zompist> off to the right you see an enormous building that looks rather like next week's scenario.

<Pontiac> "Aw hell, let's ignore the overgrown turkey and go towards the entrance."
<Ntilde> Yeah. I'll head for the entrance too.
* Erik hauls ass across the terrain.
<Adry> "Is blackdeath ok?"
* LeeHarveyKemlo isn't staying out here with just the incontinent artist
* Adry makes her way to the little artist's room to clean up, then runs to the entrance
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "wait for me!"
<zompist> ok... you are now surrounded by ruins, some several storeys, some just knee-high walls, some windswept open lots, and some wet, dark open holes.

<zompist> the pterodactyl is watching you

* LeeHarveyKemlo considers trying to navigate by echolocation, then thinks better of it.
<Ntilde> Like what? Like a hawk?
<Adry> is it friendly?
<zompist> rather like he's a hawk and you're small naked rodent creatures

<zompist> that's how he's looking at you

* Pontiac smacks Ntilde over his head with a plank.
<Pontiac> "There's no time for puns!"
<zompist> he'd be licking his lips if pterodactyls had lips

<Adry> do you think he'd leave us alone if we threw him kemlo?
* LeeHarveyKemlo grumbles and rummages through his satchel, looking for something that will poison pterodactyls..... nothing.
<Pontiac> "No Adry, it takes several humans to satisfy pterodactyl hunger."
<Erik> well, you've got 5 sheets of high powered blotter acid!
* BlackDeath gets no response from the ptero and proceeds along the ruins, sliding through holes and crannies along the roofline.
<zompist> you're so intent on watching the 'dactyl that you hardly even notice the white little shapes amassing behind a wall

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Erik - well, true, but I don't consider those *poisons*....
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Hey, do you hear somethign behind that wall over there?"
* BlackDeath spots movement. "Guys? Something's down there..."
<Ntilde> "Yeah, I think I hear something behind that wall too."
* Adry jumps and draws out her exacto. but doesn't DRAW it. just gets it out
<zompist> heh.

<zompist> just for a moment, you see a bony white head pop up

<zompist> then, you all hear tinkly laughter

* LeeHarveyKemlo 's hand goes to his satchel.....
* zompist adds up hit dice
* Erik pulls out a bottle of Ether.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Hello?"
* Adry calls out "Hello? in her best tinkly voice
* Pontiac instinctively grabs his sword.
<zompist> good godly fuck! i didn't know these monsters had that fucking many gibbering loads of hit dice!

<Ntilde> "Hey, folks. How's it going, eh?"
<Adry> is that bad?
* BlackDeath stays high.
<Pontiac> "I-I-I-I-I-I think we were just leaving, right guys?"
<Adry> the mor ehit dice, the easier they are to kill. right?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "might it be a better idea to, perhaps, bribe these monsters rather than attack them?"
<Adry> maybe we can just stand back here and make scary faces...
* Erik offers the monsters a beer.
<Erik> or some ether, if you like.
* Adry sticks a tongue out at the wall the monsters are behind
* LeeHarveyKemlo offers to teach the young monsters how to play knifey-spoony
<zompist> who is closest to the wall?

<zompist> (he asked disarmingly)

<Adry> uhm. can I be? I like walls
<zompist> sure.

<Adry> eep
<zompist> and who's farthest away?

* Pontiac wonders why he had a Pink Floyd record in his gear...
<Ntilde> I'm always off the wall.
<ElRegate> Probably me, since I just got here.
<zompist> jolly good. regate, you feel a bony tap on your shoulder

<zompist> and when you turn around, an animated skeleton bops you on the head with a mace

* ElRegate turns around
<Pontiac> "What am I supposed to do with this, impress art students?!"
<zompist> kapow! -4 hp

<Adry> "Ooooh.. pink floyd..."
* Pontiac prepares a sword attack.
<Adry> Elregate!
<LeeHarveyKemlo> shit! I don't even KNOW any poisons that work on animated skeletons!
* ElRegate attempts to kick the skeleton in the head.
<Ntilde> He now has -4 hp, or he lost 4?
<zompist> a bunch of other skeletons now appear... about five in front of you, the rest scattered around you

<zompist> he had 7, lost 4

<LeeHarveyKemlo> are they flammable?
* Ntilde attempts to disconnect the skull from the skeleton closest to him
* Adry presses closer to the wall
* BlackDeath dive-bombs the nearest skeleton.
<zompist> erik is hit so hard by a skeletonny sword that he disconnects!

<Adry> erik! no!
* LeeHarveyKemlo smashes a skeleton in the back of the head with his satchel of knives
<ElRegate> Let's sing. That way, we'll have bone thugs and harmony.
<zompist> rave, somewhat to your surprise, you knock into one of the skeletons and it knocks into about 216 pieces.

<zompist> sounds like a short piano concerto

<BlackDeath> woot!
<BlackDeath> On to the next one...
* LeeHarveyKemlo lunges for the sword dropped by the dismembered skeleton
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Got it!"
* Adry stares at the pieces
* Pontiac violently screams at a skeleton.
<Adry> they're not going to do anything goofy, right?
<zompist> lee harvey, you do some good damage to skeleton #9

<LeeHarveyKemlo> TWO swords! Hah!
* LeeHarveyKemlo stabs at the skeleton.....
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Shit! stab wounds aren't fatal for skeletons!"
* Adry lunges at the nearest skeleton, fists swinging
* Pontiac also stabs at skeletons.
<Ntilde> zomp: Did Kemlo get the sword? Doesn't the DM usually have to decide these things?
<zompist> one of the larger skeletons has a giant flyswatter, which he uses to knock blackdeath silly (6 hp)

<BlackDeath> oof!
* Ntilde casts a magic missile at whichever skeleton is closest to him
<zompist> oh, right. unfortunately the sword dissolves into ashy powder soon after lee harvey starts swinging it.

<zompist> ntilde's missile explodes a skeleton to pieces

* BlackDeath recovers and jumps back into the fray, avoids the flyswatter skeleton.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> did I have enough time to knock a second sword out of the hand of another skeleton?
<zompist> jee-zus, these things are wimps

<ElRegate> How'd my boot to the head work out?
<zompist> regate, you knocked a few ribs off skeleton #6

<LeeHarveyKemlo> how many skeletons left?
<ElRegate> On my next go round, I'd like to attempt to seize a skeleton by the spine.
<zompist> lee harvey, you try to knock the sword out of a skeleton's hand, and it slices and dices you instead (-4 hp)

<zompist> 8 are still alive

<LeeHarveyKemlo> for sufficiently large values of "alive"
<Adry> have I hit anything yet?
* Ntilde casts another magic missile at the next closest skeleton
<zompist> adry manages to knock the skull off one skeleton, though it keeps fighting

* Adry squeals like a girl and runs
<ElRegate> This is cool, like Jason and the Argonauts
* LeeHarveyKemlo bashes another skeleton with his satchel of knives
<Ntilde> But someone's leaving out the whistles and bells.
* Pontiac attacks some skeletons.
<zompist> the skeleton throws its flying frisbee of death at adry, and hits (3 hp)

<Adry> HEY NOW
<Adry> *cough*
<ElRegate> Then, the room must listen to them, lest they fillibuster.
<LeeHarveyKemlo> vigilantly.
<Adry> tmbg puns affect adry (-.034 hit points)
<zompist> ntilde's other magic missile bursts open another skeleton!

<Ntilde> w00t!
* LeeHarveyKemlo grabs *that* skeleton's sword.....
<LeeHarveyKemlo> bugger. Dissolved again.
* Adry kicks the flying frisbee skeleton in the spine
<zompist> and blackdeath's "talons of piercing destruction from flying birds in the air" knock many bones off skeleton #1

<zompist> adry, you finish off your skeleton

<zompist> ntilde, two skeletons gang up on you, grab you, shake you till the pocket change comes out of your pockets, then drop you. -2 hp

<LeeHarveyKemlo> how many left?
<Ntilde> Damn. I needed that pocket change.
<Adry> I have to go.
<zompist> 6

<ElRegate> Ntilde, use 1-800-COLLECT
<LeeHarveyKemlo> are the damn things flammable?
<Ntilde> But I didn't think Verduria had phones yet.
<ElRegate> That won't stop MCI
<Pontiac> Dial down the center!
* BlackDeath tries to finish off skeleton #1
* ElRegate is still attempting the spinal seize.
* LeeHarveyKemlo pulls out a torch and tinderbox and (relatively) quickly lights it
<zompist> skeleton #1 succumbs, raining bones on everybody

<zompist> (that was a kill for rave)

<ElRegate> "Lee, is calcium famous for a high flash point?"
<zompist> regate, you manage to get hold of #9's spine. he has a dagger, though

<zompist> what do you do?

<ElRegate> Yank as hard as I can.
<zompist> lee harvey manages to get his tinderbox aflame

<LeeHarveyKemlo> well, these are dry fibrous bones
* Pontiac attempts to kill a skeleton with a sword.
<zompist> next time, try the tinder

<BlackDeath> how many are left?
* Ntilde tries good old-fashioned grappling with a skeleton
<zompist> regate: you manage to crack the spine in two.

* LeeHarveyKemlo tosses the flaming tinderbox into a skeleton's face
<zompist> the top half collapses, but the legs kick you (1 hp)

<ElRegate> Sweet, legs can't swing swords.
<zompist> lee manages to incinerate skeleton #8

<zompist> 5 left

* LeeHarveyKemlo grabs his torch and lights it off the remains of skeleton #8
* ElRegate attempts to trip the torso-less legs.
<zompist> the biggest remaining skeleton swings a huge sword at pontiac, doing 4 hp damage

<LeeHarveyKemlo> who else wants a torch!
* BlackDeath attacks the big skeleton, relying on her speed and agility to help take him out.
<zompist> regate, you succeed. the legs collapse, but one foot keeps jumping up and down, and steps on your corns

<zompist> blackdeath flies right through skeleton #4's chest cavity

<zompist> unfortunately only a few ribs break

* Pontiac hacks away at the biggest skeleton.
<zompist> pontiac, your sword connects, but only knocks a few bones off

* LeeHarveyKemlo holds up a torch for BlackDeath
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "Here, take this!"
<zompist> i wouldn't have thought the assassin was sweet on the bird

* BlackDeath takes the torch with her on the second pass.
* Pontiac AGAIN hacks away at the skeletons.
* Ntilde grabs a torch and tries to set fire to the most convenient skeleton
* ElRegate goes for a crushing stomp to the pelvis.
<zompist> pontiac, your sword does a little bit more damage

<zompist> regate, i assume you mean "rampaging foot". you crush it to dust

<LeeHarveyKemlo> how many skeletons left?
<zompist> 4

* Pontiac attacks the nearest skeleton.
<ElRegate> Zomp, is the femur still intact?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> "By nbsp, next time we come to this blasted city, we should set fire to it *first*."
<zompist> pontiac's skeleton connects with its sword (3 hp)

<zompist> regate, you want femurs? we got femurs.

* LeeHarveyKemlo kicks the skeleton in the back of the head while it's distracted attacking Pontiac
<zompist> what with six skeletons down, there's an intact femur here somewhere.

* ElRegate grabs a femur and bashes the nearest actively threatening skeleton in the midsection
<zompist> wow, lee's kick connects just right, and shatters skeleton #4

* BlackDeath whales on the nearest skeleton with the torch.
* Pontiac punches a skeleton in the skull.
<zompist> blackdeath sets a skeleton on fire... a little dwarf skeleton

<LeeHarveyKemlo> Surley?
* Ntilde also tries to light the nearest skeleton's fire
<LeeHarveyKemlo> two left....
<zompist> regate's blow connects, knocks an arm and the skull off #7

<LeeHarveyKemlo> one skeleton left.....
<LeeHarveyKemlo> will it surrender?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> or shall we hack it to bits?
* ElRegate goes for a vertical clubbing
<ElRegate> "Sticks and stones, not swords and torches"
<zompist> skeleton #10 whips around a dire flail, knocking adry down (1 hp) and also ntilde (3 hp)

* LeeHarveyKemlo darts backwards. I take it surrender isn't on the agenda.
<zompist> regate's skeleton is still alive; it manages to knife erik right inna junk

* BlackDeath attacks regate's skeleton with the torch, wielding it like a baseball bat.
* LeeHarveyKemlo grabs a femur from another broken skeleton and swipes it at the skeleton's legs
<zompist> regate and blackdeath manage to finish off #7

<LeeHarveyKemlo> one left now?
* ElRegate grabs a handy skull and pitches it, baseball style, at the last remaining skeleton.
<zompist> the last skeleton, the one with the dire flail, shrieks and dives at lee harvey, flail flailing direly. kapow, 4 hp

<Pontiac> 'night
<zompist> regate's skull connects, knocking a bunch of bones off

<zompist> he swings his flail at regate, but more weakly now. 1 hp damage only

* ElRegate deserves a break today.
* ElRegate withdraws from combat.
* BlackDeath swipes at the last skeleton with her blade.s
<zompist> curiously, blackdeath, the blades do little damage

* BlackDeath goes back to the torch bat.
<BlackDeath> "DIE, YOU SKELETON BASTARD!"
<BlackDeath> *WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP*
<zompist> torch bat works fine... the skeleton explodes in a satisfying tinkle

<tieboy> ew
* LeeHarveyKemlo groans, and faints
* ElRegate walks toward the group, clapping the dust off his hands
<zompist> jeez, i should be meaner... that's four of you at 1 hp

<ElRegate> "Yep, yep, yep!"
<zompist> next time, 12 skeletons!

<zompist> behind the wall, you find the skeletons' cache of toothpaste, joint compound, calcium carbonate, denture cream, and wigs

<tieboy> in the closet?
* BlackDeath scours the area for any other loot.
* Ntilde also digs for treasure
* LeeHarveyKemlo raises his head wearily. Next time we come to this fucking cursed city, I say we light the torches first.
* BlackDeath takes some calcium carbonate and a red-haired wig.
<ElRegate> "Want my lucky bra, Death?"
* Ntilde grabs some joint compound and figures he'll sell some to SoiledGreen at a high price
*** zompist is now known as death
<death> Ooh, lucky bras! Neat!
<death> Are theu black? I only wear black.
<ElRegate> "I dunno, it's the bra I swiped from the professor. The one I blindfolded the gargoyle with."
<death> You can't tell what color it is?
* death picks up the bra.
<death> Dirty white. Gross.
<tieboy> someone should play the xylophone on their ribs, for comedy
<ElRegate> Just not "Endearing Young Charms"...that causes explosions.
<death> Well, did anyone want to meet their maker? I see some of you are at 1 hp.
<death> Close enough, eh?
* LeeHarveyKemlo lapses into a healing coma
* Ntilde picks up a bra and plans to give it to Jacquilynne next time her bra strap breaks
<LeeHarveyKemlo> s/Jacquilynne/Elfstar
<death> OK... well, toodles. I'm meeting my brother in 1850s Shanghai for some dim sum.
*** death is now known as zompist
<ElRegate> Isn't a dim sum like 2+2=1811?
<LeeHarveyKemlo> cogito dim sum
<zompist> ok, blackdeath, you take the calcium carbonate, tho' you could probably just swipe some from a schoolroom when you needed some.

<ElRegate> s/dim/ergo
<zompist> man, adry didn't try out her drawing quill.

<zompist> do you want more adventure, or go back to vyat?

<LeeHarveyKemlo> vyat, please
<ElRegate> I'm with Lee
* LeeHarveyKemlo is comatose (but healing)

[Preparation] [Suicide Squid] [What's his mime type?] [Why orcs avoid living here] [Why-a no chicken?] [To catch a thief] [Rock and Troll] [How To Be Rutabagan] [Gargoyles Just Want to Have Fun] [Let Me Entertain You] [The Arm-bone's Connected to the Sword-Bone] [Space Opera Quest!] [Is Mary Sue too damn perky or what?] [Beware of bears bearing wares]



Heather Garvey / Raven / raven@xnet.com
I want to submit a log!